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Too Liberal Or Just Fatherhood 2.0! Share Your Thoughts on Lawyer Chidi Odinkalu’s Parenting Style

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We read this interview of Chidi Odinkalu on the Punch website and we absolutely had to share! In case you didn’t know, Chidi Odinkalu is an Abuja-based human rights lawyer. In the interview with Punch newspaper, he talks about being a father, and the structures he has in place – in his house.

We hardly ever see the position of Nigerian fathers with regards raising children – especially female kids, so this one really caught our attention.

He makes a number of interesting points in the interview, but we’ve extracted the bits we found most interesting – for your discussion pleasure.

***
On what his kids call non-biological ‘aunts and uncles’
For instance, my children don’t call anyone “auntie” or “uncle.” In our house, everyone has a name and when they meet you, they will find out your name and you will be called by Mr. or Mrs. or Dr. or Chief your name but not “uncle” or “auntie” etc. There is a good reason for that. A lot of child abuse is done by “uncles” and “aunties”; by people who are insinuated into the lives of the children through titles that import authority and familiarity but who should not be in those positions. In my own life also, I have come to the conclusion you can’t hold anyone accountable whom you cannot call by their name. “Uncle” is not a name, it is an institution. The burden of holding an institution accountable for abusing you is too much for a child to bear.

On sending children on errands
I remember when my daughter was seven, my perfectly healthy sister-in-law came to the house, finished eating, sat down and asked her to go take down the plates. My daughter quietly told her to please take her dishes down to the kitchen and wash up and that her dad had warned her against child abuse. I sat quietly through it. My sister-in-law knew better than ask me. The following morning, my sister-in-law left the house. Children deserve respect and a voice. We can’t reduce them to fetching and carrying merely to satisfy the vanities of adults.

On speaking to his children about sex education
Daddying up a daughter is a fascinating experience. In my house, it was my place to explain to my daughter what a period was and to prepare her for it. Her mum was like: no one prepared me for it but my view was, well, that was then. So she said: ‘okay then you go do it.’ We worked out a way to do it. With our son, his mother taught him how to use a condom. For us, sex education is central to living a healthy life and also to being truthful with your children.

***
What do you think about this style of parenting? How do you run things in your own household? What would you do differently, seeing this perspective.

59 Comments

  1. tunmi

    February 4, 2017 at 3:21 am

    Absolutely wonderful. I was just talking about this to my mum. She now has a grand daughter and I was pleading to make sure no one beats her. There are ways to correct, discipline, and raise a child without hitting them. Also it is only supporting physical violence against others.

    Yes let us learn people’s names. If I were to recall the non-related aunties and uncles, I have to describe them by appearance. It’s annoying and just a waste of time. And also kids aren’t property. Let us raise them as individuals and not property. I most definitely applaud this family’s parenting ??????

  2. Bimpe

    February 4, 2017 at 4:32 am

    I think he’s an AMAZING father who will raise very well adjusted children. Hum, if we could count the number of uncles/aunties who have emotionally/physically/sexually abused children, it would take us a lifetime. Bravo to him! ??????

  3. Lady!

    February 4, 2017 at 4:39 am

    Amen to everything he said. Children are humans first and are really just in your care not to make them doormats but to raise them to be confident and respectful to everyone not just older people. It’s true what he says about abuse from uncles and aunties. Nigerians also can send for Africa please learn to be self sufficient. His children will be very confident and successful in life because he is teaching them how to be assertive without being rude. If more people raised their children this way, there will be less ‘demons’ in Lagos because they will be raised without insecurities and thinking anyone is less than them. God. bless you sir.

  4. jennietobbie

    February 4, 2017 at 5:43 am

    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssss!!! That’s how to RAISE a child. As a child, my father told me how words rolled out freely from my brain to my mouth. Absolutely no control…he still teases me till date. And I am highly opinionated when it comes to different issues. Imagine if they stifled me with “taa, mechie onu.” Thank you God for my parents. I applaud this man and his wife for teaching their children about sex before the world gets to them!!! Yes, Dr. Odinkalu. #parentingdoneright!!!!!

  5. Gbagbeke

    February 4, 2017 at 5:46 am

    He is Right to some extent. I don’t advice children calling people Uncle or Aunty without knowing their names… Most students dont know the names of their teacher. If u ask them, they would same we call him or her uncle or aunty which is not right. It goes also to the parents. Majority of the children don’t know name of their father or mother. For sex education, he is right but on my own part, i would tell the children about the risk involve in sex instead of teaching the boy how to use condom.

    • Anne

      February 4, 2017 at 2:57 pm

      He tried but not perfect. I don’t agree with the condom part. So what did you tell the girl. Hope you are not like someone I know. He advised his girls to remain chaste and boys to use condoms. I will instruct mine to abstain and I don’t care how someone else feels about it. I abstained and don’t regret it at all. In our family, our bodies are the temple of God. Sister in law is funny though. That is the typical Niger attitude
      She could not handle it. Hilarious.

  6. Babym

    February 4, 2017 at 5:54 am

    Bravo! This is why it really irks me when ppl insinuate it’s the mothers job alone to raise children. We really underestimate the power, influence and importance of fathers in shaping a child’s upbringing. This father is kicking ass at parenting! ?

    • caramel chi

      February 4, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      No boo boo, its not just that people insinuate its the mothers job. Its a lot of Nigerian women who don’t insist on their husbands stepping up to be fathers. Nigerian women are caught up in superwoman syndrome. They want to carry everything on their head and have no idea how to allow a man to step up. They want to cover up all that he does. They want to multitask for JESUS. Just because they have been told lies that a woman builds her house by the generations before. Maybe once we start to read our bible we will know both husband and wife are to submit one to another in everything related to the house.. So ladies its upto you. You decide if you want your husband to play a father role or just money management role. Paying bills is a prerequisite of being a father not just limited to his role. Ladies let these men step up to the role. Stop carrying their fire on your head

    • Justpassingby

      February 4, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      And why must the women insist? Why can’t the men step up to their roles without being asked, prodded or forced? And to say Nigerian women are caught up in superwoman syndrome…..,want to carry everything on their heads and have no idea how to ‘allow’ men to step up…. makes me wonder if the men can think for themselves and define their own roles and contribution within the family. Aren’t they supposed to be the head of their families and aren’t they generally supposed to lead where women follow, I mean traditionally and how they’re genetically designed? Me thinks, we are to quick to blame women for everything wrong in our society, even the things done wrong (or not done right in this case) by men… An unfortunate turn of events.

  7. Le coco

    February 4, 2017 at 6:23 am

    amazing…. well done sir… although for the last part I wish he wld have elaborated a lil more on their ages.. cus teaching a child to use a condom to me indicates that the child was old enough.. say…15 or so..

    But this is great parenting.. Nigerians have grown up with a sense of intimidation.. which often stems from the fact tht we were all intimidated at certain stages.. It is wrong..

    I hope more parents raise their daughters like this

  8. EE

    February 4, 2017 at 6:53 am

    Isn’t the first more common??? At least I was raised that way.

    Sorry, his household, but in my opinion, the second is just plain rude. Guests are owed a certain amount of service, that’s the whole point of “having a guest”. Equating washing the dishes to child abuse, really??? Dish washing is extremely relaxing, the extremes of cold and warm, the smell of lemon, the quiet monotony????

    “his mother taught him how to use a condom.”????????? Hope they used a banana and not his actual penis as a prop. Personal opinion, but past the age of 3, its just weird for your mother to see your penis, unless you’re dead. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    ????????Ahem, aren’t you supposed to I dunno, wait until you’re married first????

    ?????So you’re telling me that the demons, the cat ladies here go on and on about are infact unleashed on them by other women. New knowledge everyday.

    • Jide

      February 4, 2017 at 8:45 am

      If dishwashing is so relaxing, then why deny the guests the pleasure of the smell of lemon and the quiet monotony?

    • A Real Nigerian

      February 4, 2017 at 8:50 am

      ???

    • Le coco

      February 4, 2017 at 9:07 am

      ??? …. jide

    • Benny

      February 4, 2017 at 10:31 am

      LMFAOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU

    • kilipot

      February 4, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      Looool after all. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. ???????

    • EE

      February 4, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      ???????????????????

    • Myfathersdaughter

      February 5, 2017 at 7:07 pm

      ??????????????

    • Beylove

      February 6, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      Best reply!!!

    • Cynthia

      February 6, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      I love you Jide!

    • Missy

      February 4, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      My honest opinion is this. Yes, the guest is owed the courtesy of being cleared up after. But it isn’t her responsibility to call the child to do it. Leave the plate there and don’t bother about who clears it up and if you want to be polite, offer to clear it up yourself. You have no right to send somebody else’s child on an errand.

    • Anne

      February 4, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      Even as a guest, I clear out my plates.Usually, the home owners tell me not to bother. Sister in law probably felt it was ok to ask her own sister’s daughter to clear up.

    • Razor blade

      February 5, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      Thank you. I agree with nothing he said.

      1. We all call elders uncle and aunty. If you’re afraid of hem being sexually abused, tell them. My kid know that anyone who touches her will tell her not to tell me. I say tell me anyway. He knows possibly what predators will say and do.

      2. Please what’s He meaning of that nonsense she was raised to do to guests?? How in this world will she know how to do things for people just because she can. Very ridiculous.

      3. The condom period conversation. Even as a single mom. I have brothers that have been told since birth that they will stand in he gap for my son. His dad is present ooo. But they will all teach him how to be a man cos I’m not one. I can only teach him how to respect a woman as I expect to be treated.

      That man shouldn’t raise robots and nasty kids but then again. Kilonkomi?? They’re his.

  9. Realnaijapessin

    February 4, 2017 at 7:52 am

    I read the first 4 comments and I’m like: Really? Where are the true Nigerians on this site???

  10. Sultana

    February 4, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Great! I’ve met prof and this is not so far fetched. However I doubt that merely refusing to call non-biologicals uncle and aunty will stop or reduce child abuse. In fact the biologicals could be the chief proponent.

    Also IMOV it’s the closeness that brings about the abuse not nomenclature. If Mr Stanley visits the house regularly maybe a lesson teacher and ingratiates himself into the household then he can easily perpetuate abuse still being called Mr Stanley.

    It’s the other points that matter more i.e. being friend and confidant with the child.

  11. nene+

    February 4, 2017 at 9:50 am

    @EE”Guests are owed a certain amount of service, that’s the whole point of “having a guest”.really? This perfectly healthy sister In law must be your idea of a guest to be served by children?

    I applaud Mr. Odinkalu.

    • EE

      February 4, 2017 at 8:42 pm

      Washing plate is now “served”. Might as well ask them to sweep and mop up after nah.

      If you don’t want a mess, serve them fruits and water, but asking them to wash up after, I dunno.

      Hope you didn’t charge your guests for the food they ate during your wedding?. ‘sides, you’ll still visit your guest someday, they’ll reciprocate no?

  12. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 9:59 am

    I sincerely applaud this man because of his great parenting. Growing up, a lot of “aunties” and “uncles” (both blood-related and non-related) felt it was their right to treat me in whatever way they liked. I carried up to 70 crates of pepsi every week, wash the clothes of some of these people when they pretended to be ill, fetched water for them, look after their children and the children of the friends and go on errands for them as late as 10:30pm. i was even sent some messages that they refused to send their children -my cousins. For instance, four times in a year, i will clean my grandfather’s grave and statue (which i did faithfully for over 12 years)-a task my so-called uncles never gave their children. BTW i stopped doing that when i travelled out of the country for further studies and NOBODY did the cleaning for the one year i was studying abroad.

    What hurts me most is the hurtful words they use to describe me because i grew up in maternal grandfather’s house rather than my own father’s house due to the fact that i am from a polygamous home. Sometimes, the same uncles and the wives they married will say very bad words to me. When i correct their children when they do wrong, they go as far as insulting me and gossiping about how i grew up in my grandfathers house.

    Today, i no longer live there by the grace of God. I have a sister that i am older than with over a decade and i make sure that she does not re-live my experience-an experience that has made me extremely angry and left me with a broken backbone. I guard her jealously from bullies who call themselves uncles and aunties and i try to keep our lives private. Sometimes i wish someone would have fought for my happiness while i was growing up.

    Bottomline of my story-DO NOT LET ANYONE MALTREAT OR MISTREAT YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY OR YOU HAVE KNOWN THEM FOR A LONG TIME. PROTECT THE HAPPINESS OF YOUR CHILD.

    DO NOT LET YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDS OFFER FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE TO YOU BECAUSE THEY WOULD RESORT TO BLACKMAILING YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN INTO SERVITUDE FOR DECADES CLAIMING “I HELPED YOU”.

  13. Nandi

    February 4, 2017 at 10:07 am

    I’ve read the entire interview. I am not sure the excerpts that you posted do justice to the points Odinkalu made. When he speaks about sex education for the kids, he began with ABC. He is very balanced. But you only picked out the part on Condoms. In the part about the daughter and the clearing up after her auntie, it is clear the woman has a familiarity in the house, she was not just a visitor. But he also says people will call his children rude for reasons he gives in the interview and it is happening here. That is Nigeria for you, no be so?!!

  14. Somto

    February 4, 2017 at 10:10 am

    I love this man???? it’s because of how we were raised that is why we lack self confidence communicating with people. We find it difficult to make eye contact when we speak that’s the main reason when we deal with the white man they think we are shifty, dodgy and are hiding something. Especially when we are being interviewed for visa because we lack confidence to express ourselves and put our points across. I mean just watch our children raised here the way they express themselves, no confidence at all and compare them to the ones raised abroad they are very alert, inquisitive and bold. Not everytime a child talks or asks a question they would be told to shut up can’t you see that adults are talking,common!! go to your room or go to the kitchen and help your mother. Please children are not slaves they are people too so let’s treat them as such so stop sending them up and down and when they complain we punish them.

  15. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:11 am

    I sincerely applaud this man because of his great parenting. Growing up, a lot of “aunties” and “uncles” (both blood-related and non-related) felt it was their right to treat me in whatever way they liked. I carried up to 70 crates of pepsi every week, wash the clothes of some of these people when they pretended to be ill, fetched water for them, look after their children and that of their friends, go on errands for them as late as 10:30pm. i was even sent some message that they refused to send their children -my cousin. For instance, four times in a year, i will clean my grandfather’s grave and statue (which i did faithfully for over 12 years)-a task my so-called uncles never gave their children. BTW i stopped doing that when i travelled out of the country for further studies and NOBODY did the cleaning for the one year i was studying abroad.

    What hurts me most is the hurtful words they use to describe me because i grew up in my maternal grandfather’s house rather than my own father’s house due to the fact that i am from a polygamous home. Sometimes, the same uncles and the wives they married will say very bad words to me. When i correct their children when they do wrong, they go as far as insulting me and gossiping about how i grew up in my grandfathers house.

    Today, i no longer live there by the grace of God. I have a sister that i am older than with over a decade and i make sure that she does not re-live my experience-an experience that has made me extremely angry and left me with a broken backbone. I guard her jealously from bullies who call themselves uncles and aunties and i try to keep our lives private. Sometimes i wish someone would have fought for my happiness while i was growing up.

    Bottomline of my story-DO NOT LET ANYONE MALTREAT OR MISTREAT YOUR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY OR YOU HAVE KNOWN THEM FOR A LONG TIME. PROTECT THE HAPPINESS OF YOUR CHILD.

    DO NOT LET YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDS OFFER FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE TO YOU BECAUSE THEY WOULD RESORT TO BLACKMAILING YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN INTO SERVITUDE FOR DECADES CLAIMING “I HELPED YOU”.

  16. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:13 am

    BN i have complained about your unfair moderation. Post my comment now…i don’t use swear words yet you don’t post my comment everytime unless i complain.

  17. Rubby

    February 4, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Thank you sultana,u absolutely said my mind….its d closeness that can produce the abuse…heck fathers,mothers and bloodline uncles abuse children aint got nothing to do with nomenclature even the houseboy who is call mr y could be an abuser,so he may need to jus be more vigilant and stuff about guarding against abuse that fixating on nomenclature….but it’s gr8 overall that he’s trying to bring up children with a healthy mindset,and the fact that he’s a hands on father is indeed worthy of emulation….

  18. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:21 am

    BN i am against your biased moderation…post my comment now…

  19. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:24 am

    I will keep calling you guys out until you paste my comment. You are very unfair when it comes to the scrutinization of comments. If una make me vex ehn BN…una better post that my comment o…

  20. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:25 am

    BN POST MY COMMENT

  21. RMG

    February 4, 2017 at 10:27 am

    BN post my comment…no swear word dey inside…post am. I have had enough of your biased moderation.

    • Omotayo

      February 4, 2017 at 10:54 am

      Oh my goodness go away !!!

  22. Turban Girl

    February 4, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Thankfully, my uncles and Aunts, mums and dads were not perverts. I always assumed people used this titles for lack of a better title, as Mr does sound a bit too formal, i’d rather just call the person by name. A pervert is a pervert, no matter what you call them. I like the sex education, most parents like to think their kids are too young to know about sex.
    I am curious, how does he draw the line between assertiveness and being rude.

    • One

      February 5, 2017 at 1:02 pm

      Yes where does he draw the line? I have also seen very respectful , smart and confident kids who were taught to serve! Serve! Serve. The kids are in college and doing great. I have also seen very confident kids whose aging parents asked to help them take the dishes out and the response was no, i didn’t use those dishes. I don’t agree with the child not doing dishes for her aunt because this same aunty can also decide to look away when the child needs her help since the child already knows all her right and how to react. It is easier said than done. There is a real world outside the models at home. Let ur child know that he or she will be in some uncomfortable situations and might need to adjust

  23. Sisi

    February 4, 2017 at 11:14 am

    This is good, his house his rules. Both parents must engage in bringing up a child, the different perspectives are needed and it shows you care and think of them as important enough to give time to. On the dad teaching his daughter about her period, whilst of course the biology can be taught the hints and tips around dealing with your period through the many stages of growth comes best from someone who has also been through it. I say that from experience. I have learnt so much about my body over the years and can’t wait to tell my daughter(s) and hopefully save them some hassle and pain.

  24. Beard gang

    February 4, 2017 at 11:30 am

    na wa o! am I the only one who did not have aunties and uncles for monsters growing up? I did not expect my mother’s older sisters to do dishes after meals…that is not child abuse! I called my mother’s sisters aunties and my father’s siblings aunties and uncles respectively because it had a warm and personal touch to it…imagine how awkward…Mrs coker take your dish to the kitchen and wash it…a woman more than 13 years my mother’s senior!! my aunties and uncles loved and cared for me growing up; they helped me with home works, one taught to me how to drive, etiquettes, a more prayerful life etc
    who told you the Mr.x won’t still abuse if he has intentions? formal titles don’t prevent shit! doing your auntie’s or uncle’s dishes is not abuse if the child is of the right age (adolescent) most especially if the child was asked politely by the auntie or uncle…so if the auntie or uncle comes in exhausted from a very long flight he/she still does his dishes? prepares his/her food? settles himself/herself down? yimu! so what do your kids call their grandparents? do their grandparents do their dishes? teaching a girl about her period isn’t sex education…I’d rather teach my kids celibacy because it is what the Almighty wants (cuss me out if you like) the best gift you can give your child is Jesus in my opinion. I ain’t teaching my kids how to have sex…period!

  25. Mz_Danielz

    February 4, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    Assertiveness and having a mind of your own is good but downright rudeness and a lack of diplomacy is wrong.

    We need to strike a balance to raise confident, self aware and assertive children that are not rude and can be situationally aware

  26. Engoz

    February 4, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    This isn’t about liberalism. This is just critical thinking. He’s being objective. I will like to be his friend.

    • Engoz

      February 4, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      ‘My daughter quietly told her to please take her dishes down to the kitchen and wash up and that her dad had warned her against child abuse.’

      I’ve never seen being sent on errands in such perspectives before. When I think about it, you are indeed correct to refer it to as child abuse. Child abuse in this instance would be exploitation. A lot of Nigerian adults over use kids for whatever nonsense one would think they can take care of by themselves. I alluded to how I hated all the aunties that take advantage of their seniority in this article here http://thenakedconvos.com/the-teenage-rebellion/

      This sister in law was even family. When I go to people’s houses I make the attempt of taking my dishes to the kitchen unless they offer to take them, let alone a family member’s house.

  27. larz

    February 4, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    Maybe he went to the extreme for asking her aunt to clean up after herself. I am not sure what age she is but shouldn’t we generally clear up after ourselves? Isnt that just the start of other stupid errands some aunties make you do? Others extremes include:

    -waiting for you to come back from school to come and clean up after them
    – calling you from upstairs to go back upstairs to go and bring something from their room
    – getting you to go to the market whilst their children similar age sits there doing nothing

    I could definitely think of a lot more but ….

  28. Mimi

    February 4, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Na wa o. Niger i dey hail o. I don’t really agree with a lot of his concept. You might not want your kids to call non relatives aunties and uncles but Mr this and Mrs that doesn’t cut it either. You are not in an office environment. As for taking auntie’s plate to the kitchen, its not child abuse it used to be called home training. As per the sex education, this solely depends on the ages of the children. When its time to know, trust me they will ask you.

    • "changing moniker"

      February 7, 2017 at 7:46 am

      If they are not to be called “aunty /uncle” or “Mr /Mrs” what do we then call them?

  29. Seconddress.ng on Instagram☺

    February 4, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    Insightful piece.☺

  30. David

    February 4, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    Beautiful! Just brilliant. Nigerian men like this a rare. Most Nigerians need to read parenting books. There’s systematic abuse in the way most kids are raised, and we don’t realise this is responsible for our loss of humanity.

    • David

      February 4, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      Are rare*

  31. buttercuP

    February 4, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    Too many hypocrites here. Wait so many of you here agreeing with point no2 have never sent your kids, nieces and nephews on errands? yimu!! why should that be classified as child abuse?
    I’m all for raising confident kids but it becomes an issue when you are raising rude kids.

    • EE

      February 4, 2017 at 8:46 pm

      What are the odds that some of them were those notoriously wicked seniors from boarding house?

    • Donald-Landon-24 (formerly known as Donald-Landon before someone purloined it)

      February 4, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      There is a huge difference between raising a child that is respectful and one that is afraid of you. I have seen more Nigerian adult and children who are afraid of their parent than I have seen of ones that respect them. They are not the same thing. I am a father of two amazing and outstanding daughters and I have never had any of them wash the dishware i use. I am a vegan and rarely go visiting people. However, when I do I ALWAYS wash what I used. The Nigerians I visit act shocked when I do this. There is absolutely no reason why anyone who isn’t disabled, physically challenged or ill can’t wash the dishware they used. Someone washing your plate simply because you are older doesn’t necessarily imply respect. There are people who do the whole nine yard and are still nasty beings. You hear stories like – 1. A guy who says growing up he couldn’t sit down in the living room with his dad to watch television. 2. A guy who says he and his siblings always ran off at the sound of their dad’s voice. 3. A lady/guy who says his boss sends him to go grocery shopping, take his car to the auto repair shop. (By the way this isn’t in his job description). But he can’t utter a word because the boss is older and he has been raised not to question someone who is older. 4. The average Nigerian goes for an interview and finds it difficult to have eye contact. 5. A lady/guy who says he has been severely molested or raped but can’t tell his/ her parent because they have built a relationship of fear. I can’t speak for anyone but I am definitely not raising any weakling, zombie or someone who just does things out of fear without knowing the reason why they are doing it. I don’t raise them to think I am always right or older people are always right. I have had to on a couple of occasions say I am sorry to them because I was wrong. Neither me or their Mum know it all, We are constantly learning from them. My wife and I have a very strong conversational relationship with my daughters. They can come to us at anytime. My daughters are assertive. They are able to question things that makes no sense. They are not walk over or push overs. BEING OLDER DOESN’T MEAN ALWAYS RIGHT.

    • ogeAdiro

      February 4, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      I believe in doing unto kids as you would do unto adults. So, if na errand wey you no fit send me, better not send my child.

  32. Nahum

    February 4, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    This warms my heart tremendously. I am very protective of my kids and I do not like exposing them to all these so called “Aunties” and “Uncles” and their abuse. My husband and I always argue about this but I am glad that I am not the only one

  33. Ajala & Foodie

    February 5, 2017 at 2:18 am

    While I agree whole heartedly with this man, my own tori, it backfired on me sorta…. For the most part my parents taught us to call people by Mr and Mrs. There were/are people we called “Aunty or Uncle” but they were those that were involved in our upbringing one way or the other. Anyway, my mum’s cousin (so can be technically referred to as an “uncle”), who grew up with my mum at my great grand mother’s did not feature in our lives until my great grand mother’s death. At that point we were all at good ages in our lives but stilll high school and pre high school ages. So we referred to them as Mr and Mrs A…. After my great grand mother’s funeral they (the family) came around more often. One day they had come visiting my parents were out but had told my lil sis and myself to give them a call when they arrived.

    It was in those days before MTN and co made it to Nigeria. When we still had landlines (you know those ones that went through sometimes and sometimes na tori you go dey hear). I went to my parents room to give them a call not knowing this nosey man was following me. We had a phone in the living room but I purposely did not use that to afford me some privacy. But no, mister followed me, by the time I realized that this guy had the gumption to come into my parents bedroom it was too late. I could not disconnect the call as my mum had already answered. So I proceeded to her (while he was listening in on the call) that Mr and Mrs A are here. The eye the man gave me…..was from somewhere on evil Ville and he promotely left the room. I told my mum what happened, she was now like “ehen you should have called him Baba “insert first child’s name”. (Woman, did you teach me that???) and how was I to know?

    That was my first run in with a mentality different from what we were raised with. Said uncle and his wife still don’t like me because of that to date. And yes we still call them The As and Mr. & Mrs. Although not to their faces (we avoid calling them). I have since made even more “mistakes” post leaving my parents. For example: Why is it considered rude to respond in English when an adult speaks to you in another language? I think it is rude to assume that I speak any language other than the one I have spoken with you and you then take offense on top language” wey pesin no dey speak”. That happened my freshman year in college. I mean who makes this dumb rules???

  34. Lady

    February 5, 2017 at 8:41 am

    I’m impressed. Many Nigerians forget that kids are human beings too

  35. Victoria Nwogu

    February 5, 2017 at 9:02 am

    It’s always such a joy reading prof. Chidi. I’m glad he did this interview and that I read the full version. There’s so much to learn in there but he also affirms some of my beliefs about parenting in this generation.

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