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Mrs Kush: The Things That Happen When You Cook with Too Much Pepper

Mrs Kush

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We all know that one person that has an abnormal love for spicy food. I mean most Nigerians like a bit of heat in their food to satisfy their “black man blood”. But there is a special breed of Nigerians that have acid in their mouths, in place of saliva. That is the only logical explanation for the abnormal quantity of pepper they consume and claim to love.
If you are a pepper connoisseur and your friends have started acting funny around you, I’m sure you can relate to the following:

They have stopped eating your food
After tasting your culinary creations a few times, they have concluded that hunger is a better alternative. It’s almost like you are punishing them for eating your food, so that have decided to kuku leave your food for you.

As a loving friend, you have decided to sacrifice you pepper taste for them
Even when you make an effort to reduce the pepper, they will still not eat because your “pepper meter” is broken. Like I always say, 50% off a rip off is still a rip off; the same applies to excessive pepper.

The people who have stopped eating your food, have also stopped giving you food
Cooking for you is a labour of… nope, it’s just labour. You always complain that the pepper is not enough. You have even gone into their kitchen to add ata gun gun (ground pepper) to your meal. They feel that you see their food as not delicious, because it doesn’t meet your standards of pepper. To you, it actually isn’t.

You have cancelled a whole meal you’ve been planning because there isn’t enough pepper
God forbid your Jollof rice actually tastes like rice.

You’ve been tested a few times, but you overcame
One of your friends decided to show you who’s boss and dumped a basket of Mile 12 pepper into your noodles. Even for you the pepper was too much, but your reputation was at stake so you powered through.

The basket of pepper incident was not an isolated event
You’ve actually done this to yourself, several times in fact. You solemnly swear on your flaming tongue you will never do it again. But like Icarus that flew too close to the sun, you can’t help yourself.

After what happened above… multiplied times 10, you begin your path to recovery
When you finally decide that over peppering is in fact a mini form of self-torture, you marvel that regular puff puff actually tastes sweet, and egg has its own distinct flavour.

You’ve finally managed to rehabilitate you mouth
Your pallet is now being reformed and you are gradually working your way back to modern society and sane levels of culinary pepper. You no longer have pepper induced diarrhoea and everything is going on fine.

But…your mother is a Yoruba Woman!
One day you go to your mum’s house and all it takes is one meal. All your de-pepperfying efforts have gone down the drain. You have relapsed to your old pepper ways and this time it’s with a vengeance.

So, to all my pepper friends from far and wide, my name is Mrs Kush and I’m a recovering pepper addict just like you. Yes, you will occasionally mess up and over pepper your stew, but I want you to know that hope is on the horizon; it’s called old age. My mother has experienced it and I myself am beginning to feel the effects. Maybe it’s peculiar to my family… I don’t know, but I seem to be replacing my pepper addiction with something else…Onion Sandwich anyone?

Love,
Mrs Kush.
(I am a food expert and I say this with confidence because I have the waistline to prove it.)

Photo Credit: Shannon Fagan | Dreamstime.com

32 Comments

  1. Dohhnutt

    May 2, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Enroll for 12 Weeks Intensive Training on Interior Design.

  2. funmilola

    May 2, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Hmmmm, pepper makes the world go round!

  3. I'm too young to get married.

    May 2, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    Your other article was funny. this one just seems like a reach because you were trying too hard. but okay sha. i’ll try to laugh so you can feel fulfilled. ——> looool!

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 2, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      LOOOOOOL

    • Babycakes

      May 2, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      Abeg go bad belle!!

    • Babym

      May 2, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      Abeg stop it jor. Simple lighthearted article like this u dey there they analyse upandan mscheew.

    • "changing moniker"

      May 20, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      Who liked this balderdash?!

  4. Nuna

    May 2, 2017 at 2:09 pm

    Lol this is me right here. SMH

  5. gbaskelebo still evolving

    May 2, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    I was like… this is a peculiar case, then I read the header for the last paragraph … it was totally in sync and with a smile I concur!

  6. debbie

    May 2, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    i am a confirmed pepper addict….with no apologies.

  7. o

    May 2, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    Pepper for life. No apologies. I try to reduce it cos of le hubs and my daughter, but they seem to have adapted too. Lol

    • Anon

      May 2, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      Same thing with me. My kids keep on saying that it is only suya that should have pepper.

      But then, suya pepper isn’t that peppery and they eat suya maybe once a year.

  8. Spunky

    May 2, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Stir the stew, give me spoon make I taste or lick am…e go make more sense if you add pepper. Put pepper, put more, add dry pepper…stir, more pepper! My friend, add more pepper…

    • funmilola

      May 2, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      Are you Yoruba?……this one that you’re even adding dry pepper

    • Bola

      May 3, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      Yoruba people aren’t the only people who use lots of Pepper or dry pepper. I have Igbo, Ghanaian, Ishan (Edo), Cameroonian and Efik friends and they all use Pepper and dry pepper and even eat it more than me.

  9. Lliki

    May 2, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    Pepper makes the food pleasurable to eat… I love my spicy food even my husband (Caucasian) has been colonised, he can no longer eat food that is not spicy, I mean, very spicy.

    As someone said up there, add pepper, stir and add more pepper, come on, add more and more pepper.

    • Anon

      May 2, 2017 at 4:51 pm

      Spicy and peppery are two different types of food tastes. Both are good though.

  10. RESPONSE

    May 2, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    @I’m too young to get married…PLS what exactly is your point? is it by force to make a comment? if you have nothing constructive to say, then SAY NOTHING!

  11. Canary

    May 2, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    Yass to pepper please!

  12. Puzzles

    May 2, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    I used to think that spicy and peppery were the same. It was when i ate indian food that i got to know the difference.

    • tunmi

      May 2, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      what’s the difference?

      I know there is a spicy that’s still edible. And there’s one that…na you and your God on that one

    • Bola

      May 3, 2017 at 1:19 pm

      Spicy doesn’t necessarily mean hot or pepperish. Spicy might be curry, turmeric, thyme, parsley, ginger and the likes.

  13. Bowl

    May 2, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    Wo, pepper is life. I mean that rainbow in life. If you don’t like pepper then , you are bland person.No vex o

  14. Princess

    May 2, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    My brother calls me Aunty pepper! I love pepper! How can you eat food without pepper…. Instead I go hungry oh! When i was traveling out of nigeria for school , I packed correct pepper to last me for 1 year (properly dried). Even on my pizza I beg them on pls put atarodo pepper pls. Say no to bland food! How can I forget the pleasures of madam Christmas pepper rice in Benin! Perfect for hang over

  15. Preggy and lovin' it

    May 2, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Unapologetically in love with more pepper!! “E jo e ba mi f’atasi” !! It gives me joy..esp now in my pregnancy that it seems there’s acid on my tongue sigh.Everything tastes so bland till pepper enters- Yum!
    Presently, hubby can’t stand my ofada stew.

  16. Ade

    May 2, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    Too much pepper takes away from the spice and taste of the food.
    I don’t mind small pepper but when you taste it more than the actual food it’s useless. You are busy trying to drink water, tears rolling down your eyes and can’t chew for long all for what?
    Isn’t food meant to be enjoyed not torturous.
    I’m Yoruba and I can do without all of that. All the great cooks I’ve tasted their food, they had balanced pepper or no pepper at all. So pepper doesn’t determine how good the food will taste.

  17. Babym

    May 2, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    Buhahahaha ??? this made me laugh. I love ur writing style pls keep them coming .

    That’s how my housemate in uni wanted to kee me with pepper ? Fun times

  18. Feyo

    May 3, 2017 at 2:02 am

    Cameroonian pepper ths pathway to sweet and tasty meals…..

  19. yummymummycumchick

    May 3, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    this is what we call pepperdemgang ….lo lso as a yoruba girl , i love pepper.

  20. Voom

    May 3, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Damn i hate pepper

  21. "changing moniker"

    May 20, 2017 at 12:26 pm

    Ride on Mrs. Kush!

  22. ej

    May 28, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    i love pepper mehn

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