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Uru Eke: Did You Go Through the Hoe Phase?



I don’t think I went through much of a hoe phase, but not because I didn’t want to. Thinking back now I feel like I missed out on a lot. I don’t drink or smoke, so a lot of the time I was very aware, with my inhibitions staring right back at me.

I wish I had a few one nightstands and dabbled in the casual dating scene a bit more or maybe just experimented in general.

According to Urban Dictionary, the hoe phase is a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people.

These activities do not always end in sex, but can lead to it. You have a high tendency to dance provocatively with strangers, be a tease in social settings, flirt non-stop, make-out with others, and get caught up in the moment.

This phase helps you establish what you like and what you don’t. You explore your sexuality, and have fun. You have the ability to stop these actions or snap out of the phase.

Please if you are a member of the moral police, take your judgmental hat off and read, or just skip this post and keep it moving. The inspiration to write this article came from reading stories from Joro Olumofin’s page; if you don’t follow him you better start.

Now there were a few posts where some couples got married, but throughout their entire courtship they decided against having sex. Come the wedding night when the goods were being sampled, it’s either they didn’t know what to do, or the husband was an indomie man (premature ejaculation issues).

There were also men who complained about their wives’ just lying in bed like bed linen and not adventurous or exciting enough.

Some people complained about how tepid their marriages had become, and how cheating brought back the excitement.

There was one lady who was getting married a virgin and scared of sex as she had been circumcised and thinks she might never enjoy it.

A particular story stood out to me the most; it was about a married lady who is sleeping with a dad (also married) in her daughter’s school. She claims she’s been with her husband for 13 years, never cheated on him prior to getting married or through out the marriage up until this point. Right now she doesn’t know what’s come over her and she doesn’t think she can stop. She says she’s doing things with the man she’s never done before or with her husband. Sex in different places, various positions, she even mentioned in broad daylight against the wall. Wow!! That, I certainly never tried.

The closest I ever came to a hoe phase was in an article I wrote a while back about DTFing (Down to F%$king) with this hot mocha latte I met. It was supposed to be a drive by, on both our parts… but I found myself holding onto him. Ever since that ordeal, I’ve locked up shop and checked into the celibacy hotel room 101. But with the wedding epidemic hitting us left right centre, I’m wondering if I’ve been out there enough, dated enough, had enough wild uninhibited sex, so that when I do tie the knot, I will be experienced enough for my husband and won’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything or crave any other man aside from him.

I know what the Bible says about fornication, but the practicality is the hoe phase does in a peculiar way play a role in ship shaping us. When you’ve been there, done it all I doubt anything will faze you. You would have had your fill and peaked!

There’s this guy who’s been asking me out for a long while. To me, he looks like he’s been around the block; plus I’m way too scared to date him. I doubt I ever will, because he reminds of the type of men I run away from.

During one of our conversations I asked him why he hasn’t given up on me, and in his words “Uru I’ve been with beautiful women of all shapes and sizes, from different races. I’ve seen it all. You are the sort of homely girl I want to settle with” I rolled my eyes and told him to take several seats. Was that supposed to be some sort of compliment? So I’m not beautiful, just homely? Rubbish!! Anyway, clearly he’d been through his hoe phase and was ready to hang his boots, I think.

Some people are of the opinion that women should go through their hoe phase in their 30s, maybe that’s why it’s labeled the dirty thirties,

I guess maybe because women reach their sexual peak in their 30’s and start to know what they want and how they want it (sexually), Wendy Williams would suggest you go through your hoe phase in your twenties – this is going by some of the advice she gives her audience during her ‘Ask Wendy’ segment.

If you havn’t been through a hoe phase and have arrived at the marriage juncture, there’s no going back, although that’s easier said than done.

I put myself in the shoes of the lady who’s having an affair with someone at her daughter’s school, and to be honest I don’t know what I’d do. Maybe she’s doing it a result of several things;
1. Dynamics between husband and wife
2. The loss of excitement in the marriage
3. When spouse turns to sibling. i.e so used to each other they seem like brother and sister

Whatever her reasons are, I’m thinking maybe if she had her hoe phase, this gentleman that she’s cheating with may not have had the chance to sway her.

In conclusion, I would agree with Mark Zacchiomy “regardless whether you’re a male or female, before you settle down with the one you care most about, you should go through a promiscuous phase at some point in your life.
Date people. Date a lot of people. Date more than one person at a time. While you’re looking, you might as well see what’s out there. When you’re in search of a new car, you don’t just go to the first one that interests you and stick with it; you shop around.

You don’t have to sleep with someone you’re dating, but it’s your prerogative and you shouldn’t be judged one way or the other”. You may never know what you want in life until you know what you don’t want first.


  1. Fleur

    May 16, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    And all this promiscuity using your words is happening within the context of high transmission rates for some the worst sexually transmitted diseases of our time? Okay. Let me say this. Ain’t nothing like a hoe phase. What you are describing as Such is a phase few people pass through during which they sexually exploit others and are similarly exploited inthe spirit of searching for sexual nirvana that is conditioned by everything except what you are promoting. Here is what people really need – make friends with no sexual encounters and study them preferences, mannerisms, pluses and minuses. That is how you begin to figure out a partner. Next you make sure they Value the word of God. finally about indomi e man problems, Why not simply ask for an eye inspection If someone has reached that stage of buddyis m with you? The only key to successful marriage is self respect and adherence to the word of God..
    signed by,
    Moral Police chief wey don waka small

    • Meme

      May 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Exactly, I did inspection before marriage..full and proper

    • mua

      May 16, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Did you miss the part where she said these activities do not always end in sex?

    • B

      May 16, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Just reading this article. Uru, man or woman is never satisfied. Using a man as an example, it is well know that there are probably more promiscuous men than women. The married category tasted promiscuity at younger ages yet they still look for it outside marriage. This must mean there is no end to the satisfaction of the flesh. The fact that you decide to have fun before marriage does not guarantee you will not desire to while married.. In fact the promiscuity may even remain in your blood and you will probably desire a re- awakening of it when things get boring. As they say once a hoe always a hoe. It really is about your values and what you stand for.

    • LemmeRant

      May 16, 2017 at 6:47 pm

      ” it is well know that there are probably more promiscuous men than women. ”

      I hope you have the stats to back this up cuz I very well know that while you average playboy has a body count of say 50 – 100, those of women are much more higher simply bcos sex is basically thrown at them, or offered to them on a platter.

    • Jennietobbie

      May 16, 2017 at 10:37 pm

      B, here, chop kiss my darling. ❤️❤️❤️BN, make sure you send it.

    • marvel

      May 17, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      you nailed it!!

    • Jade

      May 17, 2017 at 2:23 pm

      how will eye inspection tell you if he nuts quick or nah?

  2. What the?

    May 16, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    You wish you ‘…had a few one nightstands’ and went through a phase where you ‘… are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people…’. Wow!
    Wait till you have a daughter who tells you she’s going through the ‘hoe phase’ and let’s see how you feel about that.

    • jummai

      May 16, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      She doesn’t have to tell the Mum, i never did

    • Being a Ho can be dangerous!

      May 17, 2017 at 10:16 am

      U kno the first time i saw this article i didnt think anything serious needed to be comment. it was going to to raffle enough feathers that the sample pool of comments generated, mine wud be in there somewhere.

      But after watching a video by a nigerian girl called princes vitarayah – defaming, ruining, absolutely scattering down to the most insoluble basis, any reminants of pride and patriotism and respect for her nation NIGERIA! As she professed her admiration and crave for the giant masculine phallic!

      I realized whorism can be interpreted as a state characterised by serious ‘mindlesnes’ and total disregard for any value or moral component, let alone personal safety!

      I wouldnt wish for my daughter in a state of being overwhelmed by any urge for her to undergo any length period of that kind of psychosis.

  3. What an ass

    May 16, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Well get ready for shock 101
    The fact that a person was previously promiscuous doesn’t mean they’ll be loyal when they choose to settle down because they’ve seen it all. Matter of fact, they’ll have less inhibitions about glancing elsewhere because to them s#x isn’t that much of a big deal.

    Human beings are hardly ever satisfied, they’ll always look at the person on the other side and wish they were more like that.

    I’ve had this same conversation pattern with people who have been around claiming that they wish they’d been more sexually reserved because for some reason they’ll always find themselves measuring their partner against their numerous other flings.
    Sampling or not sampling does not predict the strength of a marriage, truth is s#x is not the reason most marriages do not hold.
    Two people can start our inexperienced and teach themselves to pleasure each other and get frisky. It all depends on how well they communicate their feelings to each other. I’m sure the lady in the post never discussed the issue with her husband, but her fingers are quick to send it to be published on Twitter/Instagram.

    Until we learn the act of contentment and watering our own grass, nothing will ever be good enough for us in the long run.

    SN: so your friend is looking for a homely girl after he’s been around drilling others? I just can’t with these 16th century men.

    • Ng

      May 19, 2017 at 8:58 am

      Yes until we find contentment we will never know peace, and we will always want what we think others have.

  4. SoniaPaloma

    May 16, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    Uru, this article for this our naija wey hypocrite full? wait for the holier than thou people to come in here and begin para *shioorrr*
    PS: She is not forcing anyone to agree with her, this is her thought and what she has decided to put out there. Agreeing or disagreeing with this article is fine because we all are different and to each its own. But i do think we need more sex related topics in Nigeria to educate and change how people view sexually active people.

    • No Way

      May 16, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      Sex related articles? yes! Articles encouraging a promiscuous lifestyle? No!

  5. The Real Oma

    May 16, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Interesting article, very erm exploratory.
    But this, “The inspiration to write this article came from reading stories from Joro Olumofin’s page; if you don’t follow him you better start.”
    NO, i’ll pass.

    • Mawi

      May 16, 2017 at 2:53 pm


  6. Mawi

    May 16, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    If hoe-ism is what anyone truly wants to do, that’s their own choice to make. We are all different. But I don’t think anyone should come out advising others to go through such a phase for whatever reasons. That is dangerous advice, because the cons sure outweigh the pros. Think about STDs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, forced marriages (as a result of pregnancies) etc.. Let others remain chaste if that’s their choice and let the ‘ hoes’ do theirs. Live and let live.
    Besides, so so many go through such a phase and never really get out of it. Some get so used to being promiscuous and they keep at it even after marriage. Why? Old habits die hard. I don’t believe it’s something you just snap out of. A man who cheats on his nice wife is most likely one of such and finds it hard to be with only one woman.
    Funny thing is, It’s the same people who advocate for the ‘hoe-phase’ that would whine about their unfaithful partners later on. Smh… Again, Old habits die hard. Don’t start what you can’t finish. Don’t encourage what you can’t handle.

  7. Deleke

    May 16, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    Do men go thru hoe phases too ?

    • Tosin

      May 16, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      Lol, Yoruba man dey ask. 😀 😀

    • Sisi

      May 16, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      Yes, the writer alluded to that with the story of the bros who has been chasing her for sometime and described her as homely. Code word for that is ‘I’ve been with many beautiful women blah blah blah’. I get the sentiments of this piece but mehn it’s a dangerous something. Aside the practicalities (STD’s, and unwanted pregnancy) releasing Pandora’s box isn’t a good idea. Humans are insatiable, you will never find someone who will satisfy you all round. Pick a struggle (your core values) and make do with the rest – there is always room for improvement of sex life but everyone has a maximum output deal with, communicate and a touch at least try. For those that want to risk the hoe phase you might end up like a lot of people *cough* men…..forever in your hoe phase with uncontrollable parts that are unable to reason, assess cost and benefit and end up loose a good home, destroying relationships all for some ‘good sex’.

    • Before....

      May 17, 2017 at 12:22 pm

      That would be their entire lives.. LOL

  8. king Bey

    May 16, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    Oh because he married her a virgin,she will be such a mumu in bed abi? You really don’t need to test many waters to know your sexual ability or what you love most when having sex,I don’t believe in ” hoe phase”…a sex slayer today was once a virgin

  9. Coral

    May 16, 2017 at 3:07 pm

    What if you are busy, getting it down sexually with someone you are ‘dating’ because ‘it’s your prerogative and you shouldn’t be judged for it’ and the Rapture happens? Jesus Christ returns suddenly? What happens, then? Why are we always so keen to please our flesh without thinking about our eternal good? Every time, sex this, cheating that. My goodness! Whether we want to hear it or not, Rapture will happen so we better be prepared for eternity. It’s not a joke. Jesus Christ is real and is coming back soon.

    • Word

      May 16, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Jesus is real and coming soon. I have heard this words routinely for a while but haven’t really taken notice (meditated) of the meaning of late.

    • Green

      May 16, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      LMAO do you think everyone subscribes to this belief that rapture is going to happen? Listen my darling, you can’t go through life thinking everyone in the world shares your guiding beliefs becomes, surprise surprise, they don’t! There are people who abstain from premarital sex and promiscuous behavior for a variety of reason that make more sense than waiting for an event that is not based on reality to occur. What if you’re lying or thinking evil thoughts towards your neighbor when rapture occurs? Except you want to say you’re pure and perfect, then my dear we will all end up in the same place when your “rapture” occurs. LOL your line of reasoning is too funny please

    • funmilola

      May 16, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      Thank you for reminding me about rapture, often times I forget about it.

    • Hawt Talk With Tosan

      May 16, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      What if rapture happened while you were judging the person getting down? Thou shall not judge right? We are so quick to judge sexual “sins” forgetting that all sin na sin.

  10. madman

    May 16, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    I have a friend who was describing physical sex and emotional sex to me. Physical sex involves him sticking his penis in any kind of vagina including that of friends. This person has slept with all of his “female friends” including married women whose husbands are not satisfying them. He is having “physical sex” with them whereby they are both satisfying each other’s needs and there is no sort of emotions involved. The issue is that he will meet someone who has spiritual powers and my prayer for him is that the person is successful in destroying his life. Amen.

    What a dick. HIV/STI/STDs await you fam. Keep hoeing up and down.

    • Geniiiy

      May 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Who names his or herself madman, abeg give us the reason why?

  11. madman

    May 16, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    Another issue that I find fascinating in this generation is that people have forgotten that the spirit world is real. Abeg, forget how Nollywood tries to make it on real.

    I feel back to everyone who thinks its okay to “hoe” around. Obirin ma’an sin gbere si obo.

  12. Tife

    May 16, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    “You may never know what you want in life until you know what you don’t want first.”
    Well i know ONE thing I DON”T WANT, and that is be sleeping around for the fun of it. My body is wayyyyyyyyyyy to precious for that.

    • funmilola

      May 16, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Your head correct and I’m soooo with you!

    • Kosi

      May 16, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Can I just say that I love you? Thank you! Thank you so much!

  13. Omo

    May 16, 2017 at 3:20 pm

    The Judginas will come here en mass now! All these holier than thou people are the worse hypocrites! You guys should just chill!! I am definitely an advocate for the hoe phase, do it all and get it over with while still young and when you are married, very little will tempt you again, after all you have been there done that :-).

    • Comoment

      May 16, 2017 at 3:49 pm

      Who determines who is a Judginas/hypocrite? You are for something and others are against it, say your piece and let others say theirs.

    • Cocolette

      May 16, 2017 at 9:55 pm

      The problem is that you are either unable to get over it and you keep craving new highs or you get over it with terrible scars and regret. In my experience, it’s best not to open the door at all

  14. Dirty thirties

    May 16, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    H*e phase is unecessary and overrated. And those still interested, just think of the consequences. Not just stds/HIVs but the emotions/wahala attached to it and sharing your being with so many different people that only God knows what you expose yourself to spiritually.

    I went through a phase not necessarily h*e phase but definitely more open especially being so uptight. I said, let me loosen up a bit, let my hair down and have fun. I lost my virginity in my mid 20’s and my ex didn’t believe I was a virgin according to him I knew how to do it well(roll eyes). Okay, he was so in love and was ready to settle down. I wasn’t bcos I was new to the dating game and still wanted to see what was out there. Also, he liked me more than I liked him. We broke up.
    Second relationship with an American guy oh boy, he exposed me to another level of sex, did it different places and I was physically attracted to him. Tasted my first alcohol with him and it became a thing to do. So, I had “fun”. This guy also ready to settle down with me but I just didn’t see myself with him forever. All this time I’m having fun I was longing for something deeper and meaningful. And thinking is this all to what people rave about. I felt more empty than ever.
    Third relationship, same. But got engaged this time around. However, I prayed and it just didn’t settle well with me. So, we broke up.
    That was the last straw. I’ve been there, done it and was tired of feeling empty. I became celibate. Renewed my relationship with God, I felt so much peaceful and whole again. No more drama. I wanted to go back to being innocent and free myself from all of those scattered emotions/drama.

    Three years(felt like eternity)later I met my husband at a birthday house party. I got married in my 30’s and went through the dirty 30’s. Happily married for 6 years now. And we both had to learn to please each other because people are different. Marriage is meant to be fun especially when there’s genuine love and respect. If your partner likes something, communicate it and you both should work on pleasing each other not stepping out to find someone else. Everything is a learning process. A man who can’t do it well can still learn, vice versa.

    • Tosin

      May 19, 2017 at 11:18 am

      I really love your story, Babe.
      So you had a hoe phase, then a holy phase, then a holy hoe phase, … to be continued. Nice!

  15. Tosin

    May 16, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Please wish me luck, I want to quickly enter one hoe phase right now, that or money phase, or both. Whatevs. God loves me sha.

    • blackbeatle

      May 16, 2017 at 6:27 pm

      your grace period may be different..dont think because uru did it and “survived” your own may just be one time but hiv for a life time or worse

    • Fola

      May 16, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      Nne don’t doooooo iiiiiiitttt!

    • aj

      May 18, 2017 at 7:24 am

      lmaoooooooo are yall taking Tosin seriously? she is joking ooo

  16. Galaxy

    May 16, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    Well I don’t know if this one is a product of some kind of hoeing phase or not but I stumbled into pornography at an early age but have struggled to shake it off till now. Them say who nor go nor know, please save your self the stress of getting rid of a bad learned habit. I wish I never indulged and pray and hope I get free of it.

    • Fola

      May 16, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      The grace of God is sufficient for you to break free from any addiction. E-hugs

  17. Meme

    May 16, 2017 at 3:36 pm

    why is doing what is right now termed judgmental? By stating we who don’t want to sleep around or go through this “hoe-phase” are judgmental are you also not being judgmental?

    Anyhow sha no hoe-phase here. I blame people for sharing too much on their personal lives online. If your sex life is bad, speak to your partner! seek professional help. I didn’t shag my husband before marriage and in fact I was crap at the beginning(you know us the lie down still people) but he spoke to me about it with so much love and we learnt our shag life is bomB! daylight..quickie..roleplay… everything. But I think the main thing is honest communication between partners to reach where you would like to be sexually.
    And please let us stop undermining the importance of commitment.

    • nana

      May 16, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      But you just shared an excerpt of your personal life though looool

  18. Adenike

    May 16, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but one of the pillars of marriage is self-control. If it’s not wrong, then why is it termed cheating? Cheating is taking advantage of something that you are not supposed to have access to ideally (my definition). The thing about the hoe phase is when does it actually stop being a phase. It’s like saying there should be an alcohol or drug phase, cos the person can get addicted. When does that phase stop? Having said this, some people’s “hoe phase” last forever. They become accustomed to that way of life- whether single or married.
    The lady that is cheating with another dad, She should consider attending sexual therapy with her husband, cos that’s something I would be willing to do if shit hits the fan.

  19. Felinda

    May 16, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    Oookkkkkkk, I see

    So in translation to this topic the more hoe phase one has had in the past equals the more better they are in bed, hence this will help them catch a man and keep him for life cos you have PhD in sex and bedmatics. Like sex is the number 1 thing in life. Air we breath abi?

    Encouraging folks to increase their soul ties (incubus and succubus). Ookkkay then. In patience Jonathan voice “Kontinuu”

    All the hoes with Masters and PhD degrees in fcking and acrobatics in bed which will permanently find and keep a man for life, please stand up. Let’s see una. Wear it with pride.

    It’s not too late Uru, start Hoeing now. Kontinu, clap for yourself. All those people in 20s and 30s. Take Uru advice.

    Thank God I have been celibate for years for my religious reasons and I’ll keep it that way. No thanks I don’t want any soul ties, the three I had was enough to which I still regret. God created sex, and though I don’t have a Masters or PhD in sex like most self proclaimed hoes, gracefully God will teach me all I know once I am married. Sex is not everything.

    And no I didn’t miss out in body counting and increasing soul ties aka “hoe phase”.

    All the hoes I grew up with (had a great hoe reputation in the neighborhood and they wore it with pride ) They all married first in lavish weddings and had kids but guess what they are All divorced or husband fcking someone else as we speak and now they are miserable. Sometimes you people act as though you know more than God. It’s so laughable

    I am actually surprised someone like Uru, whom I respected so much listen to the likes of idiot douchebags like “Muffin” Brothers and their fcked up talk. Like seriously. That’s like finding out an intellectual u admired subscribes to Enquirer tabloid magazine ???????

    • The Real Oma

      May 16, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      @Felinda, your last paragraph is exactly how i fe

    • Adunnie

      May 16, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Like I’m so pained Felinda. I love Uru so much and she has always struck me as an intelligent woman. I still love and respect her tho but anyone who even bothers with those olumofin boys is on their own. Especially that Joro or what’s his face. Hoe phase really??? No thanks. I have a really good friend who started going through her hoe phase as soon as she turned 18. She’s almost in her mid 20’s and she still doesn’t know what she wants. So far she’s had about 6 years of hoe-ing around, how many more years till she figures out what she wants and what are the chances she’ll have it figured out before she turns 30 or even 40? She just can’t snap out of it. Not everyone can. No one is perfect and everyone’s timing is different but I can’t increase my body count in the name of trying to figure out what I want. I already know what I want and I definitely did not need to date a dozen guys or more to know. The truth is the older you get the more you start to reflect on your past and ask yourself why you actually wasted your time with all those people. You might even get pissed at most of your choices. Because I haven’t been around doesn’t mean I would easily be swayed to cheat on my husband. Having sex with more than one person just freaks me out. I’m not being judgemental and I do agree “to each his own.” But we shouldn’t encourage people to go through any hoe phase abeg. If you want to go through the phase go ahead and be really careful but don’t try to drag other people along.

    • whaT?

      May 16, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      Totally agree. I expected more(Or less actually – information wise) from Uru. Uru girl there’s too much information. Not judging but what exactly are you trying to achieve/portray/insinuate. It’s early days in the journey of life and too soon to start talking about *** days. girl you are better than this.

    • Hawt Talk With Tosan

      May 16, 2017 at 7:28 pm

      I also know 1 lady who married as a virgin…very good church girl . Her husband is the biggest man whore I know! I know another virgin…also a good church girl. Caught husband sleeping with oyinbo in their bedroom just months after she had their baby. These things do not follow.

      If you do not wanna “hoe” do not; not because of a man or because you think the universe will perfect everything in your life if do not “hoe”. There are many people that “hoed” and they are living the life hunnay…who knows maybe they repented and the gods forgave them

    • marvel

      May 17, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      thanks Felinda. theres a reason God gives His command even if we might not see the reason behind it.

  20. jummai

    May 16, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    I can also call the hoe phase the “been there and done that phase” Nice Article.

  21. BlueEyed

    May 16, 2017 at 4:31 pm

    Please this article is for advanced thinkers and not hypocrites that are still pretentiously shrouded in their religious opium.
    “Hoe-phase” doesn’t always have to end up in sex or sleeping around, it is just a period where you have less inhibitions and don’t over think things. It is that time where you don’t necessarily have to lose your morals but you don’t become too stuck up. You can flirt, appreciate people flirting with you, chat with more than one guy, be open to that hang out with that bad boy in your office, dress sexy and appreciate your body, not shying away from the attention but still owning your sexuality. It is that period of liberation that even serves as a confidence booster. And if you’re inclined to have sexual relations (in a protected manner) then by all means please do. Better to go through your hoe phase and be fulfilled in marriage than get married and be sleeping with your pastor.

    • Advanced Thinkers

      May 16, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      “Better to go through your hoe phase and be fulfilled in marriage than get married and be sleeping with your pastor.” You were doing alright until you slipped this in. So the hoeing phase is actually about sex and sleeping around right?

    • Engoz

      May 16, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      “It is that period of liberation that even serves as a confidence booster.”

      This is quite interesting, because when people sought out for this much external stimulation or validation from other people, it tells me there is actually a prior lack of confidence. Hence the need for a confidence boost. So this is actually in conflict of the whole subject about being ‘liberated’. This is however more of an attention seeking behavior. It is actually pathetic. Sorry to disappoint but there is no advanced thinking here.

    • What the?

      May 16, 2017 at 4:58 pm

      First of all you assume that all religious people who do not agree with this article are ‘hypocrites’ and backward thinkers? And then the flip side of going through a ‘hoe phase’ is getting married and sleeping with one’s pastor? What small mindedness and intolerance!

    • funmilola

      May 16, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      It’s annoying when some folks are tagged “hypocrites” because they don’t share the same opinions with you….last I checked, it’s a free world and we all entitled to our opinions. You sincerely don’t have to agree with it. I don’t agree with Uru and I don’t care who agrees with me!

    • Honestina

      May 16, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      @BlueEyed, isn’t it ironic that advance thinkers will need a confidence boost while ordinary thinkers are so confident not to need a boost sexually??.

    • I_I

      May 16, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      LOL. You people would always westernize even the simplest things. Hoeing is a personal choice – but every choice (good and bad) has its implications. Everything in this article is a baseless assumption – sleeping around better marriage would not necessarily improve your marriage, neither would flirting improve your self-esteem. I’m not judging anyone that chooses to live thier life like this, but for Farungi’s sake, please dont legitimize nonsense.

    • Liane

      May 16, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      and only FOOLS like you agree with HOE PHASING

  22. The Real Oma

    May 16, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    @Felinda, your last paragraph is exactly how i felt reading that part

  23. Here you go

    May 16, 2017 at 4:33 pm

    Uru, leme take you through the hoe phase…you ll be glad you did.

  24. Engoz

    May 16, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Nice topic. Something different from BN. Nevertheless, I have never seen the appeal in casual flirting, indiscriminate sex or more appropriately promiscuity. Total waste of my time and energy. Human beings are not that interesting for me to engage them in such manner, lmao. You hoes are trying though. Please o, you people called yourself hoes, you’d better not take offense. And a hoe is a man or woman in my dictionary. One fallacy is thinking you can just switch out of the hoe phase and be monogamous, lmao. Maje Ayida like many Nigerian men that were hoeing in their youth, and still continued to hoe in marriage even at a grown over 40 age is a perfect case in point. Just like drugs, some people take it for recreation, some become addicted and can’t even function well in society. Sex is like a drug because it stimulates the brain reward center. So in your hoeing, be careful, lmao.

  25. IOU

    May 16, 2017 at 4:46 pm

    This is not even a question of morality, from a health perspective and coming from someone who loves her body waaayyyyyy too much! I shudder to think it is even possible to desire more one night stands!! But you know what? I’m seeing a pattern and starting to think BN posts these kind of articles to boost an increase in comments.

  26. tosin

    May 16, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    i am still in the Hoe phase of my life….Madly adventurous!!! Lmao. its hard to give it up.
    as much as i really wanna be married,this phase just has a way of pulling me back. Lord help me.Too much Rich brothers around. ha! #DiariesOfAnIslandGirl. #BACKSLIDER

  27. Art

    May 16, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    So many hoes everywhere even in the Churches these days, smh. what would a brother that’s been celibate like for ever do. I’m almost giving up on finding a sexually pure sister to settle down with. I’ve been steady on my grind trying to find financial stability so I’ve tried to avoid being in romantic relationship cos I don’t wanna be in a position to commit sexual sin. It’s thinking like these that make it had to find virtuous women these days.

    • Fabulous

      May 16, 2017 at 6:36 pm

      Virtuous and sexual pure ladies are still available.

    • wordofadvice

      May 16, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      Art, my brother dont loose hope. You pray and God will open your eyes to who they are
      you cant just get up go to church and be watching them with your eyes to determine who is virtuous or not. They are pretenders- they can pretend for africa. All you need is for God to open your eyes, So pray and ASK him. NO body can tell you or show you , and you definitely cant do it yourself. Its that lil gut feeling God will give (but dont get confused cos the enemy whisper in your ear too) – if you spend time with God you will know the difference

      They are so many absolutely gorgeous women in the world. I am no homo but sometimes i see some and am like Damn she is gorgeous.. Even the beautiful ones are not born yet sef. BUT THE BIG QUESTION IS ARE ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL ONES OF GOOD CHARACTER????.

      Yes in 2017 women out number men by 20 to 1 (as in 20 women 1 man)

      But when it comes to great character only 2 in 20 women are good ( – so mr man read proverbs daily and let god guide you to that 1, Don’t be deceived. Because if you make the wrong choice ,trust me that is the end of your life. Don’t look outward. Observe character well well. We women are blessed with a beautiful gift call instincts and intuition , most dont use theirs, i use mine. I observe a whole lot when it comes to men. Character character character. I do less talking on courting. I make the dude do all the talking – 🙂


      Its funny how one of the most important decisions in ones life is whom they choose to settle with cos it could make you or break you, yet most spend less time praying on this topic. If i have a daughter one day, i will start praying for them for their future spouse immediately i birth them and teach them how to pray too.

      Do you know of a man (or woman) who married the wrong person and now their life is turned upside down. ? ehen, learn from that. Pray for God to guide you.

    • Oyi

      May 17, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      lols @ Art.. church is for the “perfecting” of the saints not for the perfect saints so why would you be looking for a wife in the church? my dear, the Lord will guide. stay strong and focus on God He ll do it for you. Please keep studying the word. interestingly your wife may not have been born yet! This is life!

    • FemaleArt

      May 20, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      Sounds like i wrote this but im female. God help us all, stay strong brother!

  28. EGO

    May 16, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    While I totally understand where Uru is coming from, I strongly assert that there is no hard and fast rule to life and sexuality. Having numerous sexual partners and lots of experience in bedmatics prior to marriage DOES NOT GUARANTEE that your sexual life in marriage will be “da bomb”. Married sex will be amazing if the couple are dedicated to pleasuring and satisfying each other, not applying all their skills to self-please and climax then sleep off without caring if their spouse truly enjoyed the session or not. Intimacy in marriage and sexual satisfaction is built IN THE MAARIAGE, this is enabled by conscious efforts put in by couples to understand their bodies, each other’s preferences (healthy, decent ones ooo) and apply this knowledge overtime to achieve desired results.
    Fifty years sexual experience before marriage or sexual styles and skills acquired during the “Hoe phase” count for little or nothing in marriage.

    Moreover, a sexually explosive experience in marriage may become seriously marred by illness or some other circumstances the couple cannot help. Does that mean the marriage will pack-up because there’s no more “mind-blowing sex”?!. The woman sleeping with a man from her daughter’s school, her problem is not “what the other man knows how to do to her ” but “what her hubby has not learnt how to or agreed to do to her”. Have they talked about their sex life, is she willing to work on and improve things in bed with her husband, will her hubby want to give a hoot about pleasuring his wife in bed?! Cheating and having great sex with another man is a temporary fix that will result in larger palaver sooner than later. Talking things through with her hubby and their both deciding to put selfishness aside to build their marriage is what will help them. If their sex life and marriage is beyond repair then they should part ways instead of staying married and cheating.

    Sex is very important, knowing what to do and how to do it with your partner is even more necessary but sexual Uhuru does not an excellent marriage make NEITHER is premarital sexual experience the solution to world peace.

  29. binighel

    May 16, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    hmmm.. I remember when I broke up with the first boo.. my first everything. I slept with 2 random people.. then had a side ting with a guy for a year.. we could have made it official but religious differences.. sex was too good to let go so quick so I kept on going till it reached a year! smh.. if that is my hoe phase then I gladly take it..
    now I am looking for a committed relationship,, its gets lonely sometimes and I think I have so much love to give haha.
    you guys should take it easy on uru

  30. Meme

    May 16, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    @nene : exactly it is an excerpt of my personal life.. not all of it or too much

  31. LL

    May 16, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    It’s usually people who survive the ‘hoe phase’ that can actually talk about ‘learning from it’ . Many have survived it but shall we continue to sin….while the Grace of God abounds? There are lots to learn…sexual natures, yours and others… You’re not easily impressed.. You become worldly-wise such that you have an instant ‘bull#£% detector’. You become very aware and even perfect sexual skills. But you may have exposed yourself to nonsense people, evil people, possibility of having sex with people you would refuse on a normal day, loss of self respect and dignity, and possibility of aging your looks. Let’s not even talk about how you feel when you run into them last exploits with your husband. The ‘hoe phase’ exists and if you are lucky to have met a good spouse and have a good marriage and all is well with you but for those who have ‘hoed’ into destruction…their story is something else. I have a daughter. I ask God everyday that she loves him so much that she won’t have to experience the ‘how phase’ before understanding life.

  32. ButtercuP

    May 16, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    I was adventurous in my late teens and very early twenties, it taught me a lot about myself, other females and of course men. By the time I entered uni, I already knew what I wanted and dint want and I had a knack for sniffing bullshit from a mile away. The problem with the phase is not knowing when to stop, grow up and be mature and also losing yourself if you’re not careful.
    I got out of that phase as fast as I got into it. I’m married now, we both had our hoe phase, swapped hilarious stories.
    Do I regret it? I’m not sure, I don’t think so (the now Christian side of me says I should though)
    But hey it doesn’t work for everyone heck it doesn’t work for most people, so Biko stay away.

    • Please respond

      May 17, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      I’m confused. When did you get into Uni? Innocent question as I got in at 16 and left at 20

  33. Eyi

    May 16, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    well said Uru Eke!

  34. Annie

    May 16, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    Truly there’s no need going through the hoe phase… It only gives you the opportunity to compare your partners… You may enjoy it while it lasts but it will hunt you if you end up with a partner that doesn’t satisfy you sexually n we all know that happens sometimes n that brings the need to cheat… Best thing is to avoid it and when married read articles to help you…

  35. Helen

    May 16, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    If you downstairs smells bad or you hardly get head from your partner due to your downstairs. Let me know. I have your medicine.

    Oh yeah

  36. Yahoo

    May 16, 2017 at 5:58 pm

    I think its high time we start repelling all these bastard antics my beautiful african people. If zik, awolowo, tafa balewa had access to the internet and social media Nigeria would have been the advanced dubai today. Somebody will go and buy 50mb on their God forsaken phone or visit abroad for a week and then we will starting hearing HOE PHASE, ki lon je be??. Monkey dey wear skirt?, oshisco!.

    • Bleed Blue

      May 17, 2017 at 12:21 pm


      @Yahoo, you’re something else!!!

      What?!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  37. istidele

    May 16, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Hoe phase when your juniors are talking about sexual fluidity, gender neutrality etc. Devil will always find work for idle minds.

    • Mawi

      May 16, 2017 at 6:21 pm

      Lool…your comment really got me. Lmao

  38. Sugamama

    May 16, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Gosh, Nigerians are exhausting. Christian Nigerians, even more so. Because the Bible is the standard by which you live your life, doesn’t mean it’s the same for the next person. Don’t bring fornication and rapture into this if the next person doesn’t believe in that.
    Having said that, it’s only the Muffin part I don’t agree with, so let’s move on swiftly.
    Going through the hoe phase is anyone’s prerogative. Personally, I applaud women who confidently and smartly do so. If you chose to do so, be smart, be safe and do it with your chest. Don’t let anyone shame you for your decisions.
    And if it ain’t your choice, DO NOT shame any woman who chooses too. It doesn’t make her any less of a woman, face your prude front.

  39. old married feminist

    May 16, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Let an old married feminist give you some advice lol. firstly i can’t find anything specific in the bible about fornication, it’s all interpretation and context. secondly you don’t have to be a sexual expert or at your peak of your expertise when you get married or expect your partner to be. you won’t remain stagnant; you will continually improve, naturally, the longer you stay together the better and more comfortable sex will become. that has been my experience. good when we started but way, way hotter now. I put it down to a willingness to try harder and especially for me TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. Don’t let experience or lack of experience prevent you from marrying an ideal partner. and if the sex is not fireworks when you start, don’t be despondent, just keep trying. i think sexual compatibility is, if not a myth, overstated.

  40. Fabulous

    May 16, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    It’s unfortunate that we think we’re wiser than God. What exactly is a hoe phase? We look for excuses to cover up our guilt and sins. It’s really unfortunate. Upon everything we’ve decided for ourselves outside the laws of God, where has it left us? Abortions, divorces, STDS etc. The laws of God have always been for our own benefit.
    I honestly don’t have any other words. But how long are we going to justify sin?

  41. Fabulous

    May 16, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    And the fact that I don’t agree with you doesn’t make me a hypocrite

    • HoePhaseIndeed

      May 16, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      Dont mind them Fabulous – thats all they know – you dont agree with them – they call you a sanctimonious person or hypocrite .No i am not.

      Thats why most are cursed from generation to generation with divorces and miserable marriages (curse passed down from the grandmother to mother to them. ) Cos they all think they are smarter than God – was God gaggling on water). I mean if you are atheist then i totally understand . Then they end up in MFM praying 24/7 thinking its some witch from their village, now trying to over turning curses. No boo – its you and all the fxxxxked up decisions you made to which God almighty cursed you .

      Their best come back attack is “Oh you are a hypocrite” – No i am not a hypocrite. – but fact remains you are a hoe and want everybody to jump on your hoe train and if i dont – oh now i am a hypocrite abi???. Rather you are the one who is a hypocrite cos you cant keep going through hoe phase, yet put biblical quotations on your IG page everyday. Example you fornicate for 11 yrs unmarried – be putting biblical quotes left right center on your IG, you marry, then the inevitable and fruits of sin happens in less than 2 yrs of your marriage, and now you putting subliminal quotes and biblical quotes , My enemy this my enemy that. No honey its all you. You are your own enemy. God is not to be mocked.

      there are all types of sin, hoeing, anger, unforgiveness etc etc. Whatever your batch is – wear it with pride and work on you, if you are a hoe, Stand up and speak it lets all know you are hoe but dont call folks who choose not to hoe – hypocrites. Your sin is different from my sin. Own your sin – and work on you but please Dont judge me for not having more body count than you and not being a ho like you .

      If i never marry or die single because i am not a hoe and stay celibate till i marry or i dont have Masters degree or Phd skills on hoe SexMatics in bed, then so be it. Is the ultimate price of marriage a first class ticket to heaven

      Hoe Phase indeed. The word alone is even annoying.


  42. the truth

    May 16, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Me I’m not in support of this hoe thing sha! & I don’t encourage it, I feel its just a way of consoling people who find themselves in such situations accidentally/without being able to help the situations!
    Somebody like me find it difficult to refuse sex sometimes after some level of friendship & usually see it as fun(mostly when I’m not presently dating seriously)
    The thing is I have done stuffs in my uni days ,yeah hoeing,I know the risk & heartache involved even if some u end up going Scot free! still u got to regret considering the number of rendezvous
    Again being good in bed is a natural thing,it comes from the inside(using myself as eg) it rly has nothing to do with the number of sex partner you have had in the past. So firsthand I can say hoeing is not the answer to having ur marriage filled with sweet sex.just work on yourself.

  43. iphie

    May 16, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    Halleuyah Christ is coming very soon, Halleluyah Christ is coming

  44. Chynwa

    May 16, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    It’s amusing how we comment so much on sex and marriage and have so little to say about our professional lives. Forgive me but how about ‘hoe-phasing’ your job. A confidence boosting time I might add, to explore job options, find out what skills you are really good at. Another perspective perhaps?

    • Sugamama

      May 16, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Maybe because if you hop from job to job without committing to one for a period of time, you may be seen as unstable and unreliable to some employers?

    • Tosin

      May 19, 2017 at 11:26 am

      did that too. a lot of parallels actually.

  45. Ibi

    May 16, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Does tinder count as a hoe phase? if it does then I’m guilty obviously i don’t have sex with them aids no dey show for face but there’s this thing i get from swiping right and matching with someone .

  46. Somto

    May 16, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    Uru are you not too old to be talking about Hoe phase at 38yrs old. Is this the sort of advice you would give your nieces and nephews. Mind thine self oo

  47. Liane

    May 16, 2017 at 9:29 pm

    and most actresses 99% go through the phase all their lifes 🙂 🙂 🙂

  48. Diamond

    May 16, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    This writer is a total hypocrite! She didn’t go through the ‘hoe phase’ (she only had near misses) or doesn’t want to talk about hers. She even claim she wish she did. And is here giving stupid advise.
    Ms. Writer, married or not, it is not yet late for you to go through your ‘hoe phase’. Start sleeping around now!
    The sad thing is young people will read this, and think it’s okay to be a slut at a time in their lives.
    Never read anything so stupid. Rubbish post!

  49. Jane

    May 16, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    Hahaha ppl sha BN writes a lot of good stuff and I don’t see traffic in the comment sections. But once someone talks about sex and relationships y’all come trolling. Uru I hope u expected this kind of comments. What I find funny from most comment is the fact that most people did not read the full article..they were just eager to condemn the write-up.
    Dear writer, please endeavor to explore other areas in your youth, areas that would build you up and make you successful. As some ppl have said this hoe phase comes with its pros and cons and sometimes it’s totally not worth it.
    I personally think that ppl that go through their 20s and 30s without promiscuity should be applauded and emulated, because they dared to stand out..look around you, so many youths are going haywire.. At the end most would regret their choices because valuable time was wasted on hogwash or on some boy/girl who did not deserve it.

  50. Girl Bye

    May 16, 2017 at 9:44 pm

    Nigerians are so damn predictable and so hypocritical. LMAO
    This is not an article for a Nigerian blog unfortunately.

    • Marigold

      May 17, 2017 at 9:57 am

      Shift please.

  51. john

    May 16, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    78 comments on a delusional article about the power of hoeing and sleeping around…when I say women of nowadays have fish brains they start wailing and screaming someone said the so called modern and enlightened people advocating for hoeing and the women power in it will be the one to cry and wail about it when it backfires or if the article was for men ….it is like advocating to take drugs or smoking and drinking while ure young as it will make u learn from it and be wiser in ur later age…. anyway continue una is a pity u dont see this kind of comments in an article about real achievements done by a woman..u only see 0 to 1 comment with many skipping it entirely

    • Felinda

      May 16, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      Excellent comment John
      Tell them oo. If say na say everything smart TedEx talk only 2people will comment. Millions of beautiful women in this world yet 98% are with fish brain.

  52. Idomagirl

    May 16, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Morality or religion aside, I’ve never gotten the appeal of casual sex or a “hoe phase”.
    To even shake hands with a stranger I start imagining where their hands have been or if they wash them regularly. Lol.

    Two things tho, 1) We need to kill this idea that you need to sleep with all of Africa before you can have an exciting sex life in marriage.
    Articles like this always throw in one random tale of two people who got married as virgins & then discovered some serious problem on the wedding night.
    Well guess what, there are also people who abstained and are enjoying marriage sex & there are those who didn’t and have problems in that area.

    Sexual knowledge (or the lack of it) isn’t set in stone.
    Getting married as a virgin doesn’t automatically doom one to a miserable sexless marriage.
    So far as both partners have no physical faults, psychological issues, are willing to learn and please each other, they will make it exciting.

    Second, if you do not master your flesh and learn sexual discipline as a single person, what do you think will happen when you get married?
    If you have conditioned yourself to have sex with anyone who is available or you feel the slightest frission of attraction towards, wouldn’t it be a struggle to be faithful after you’ve taken those vows?
    (Unless it’s an open marriage).

    Anyway, to each their own.
    But I’ll take a hard pass on all that, I’m too paranoid and terrified of diseases to ever be that “adventurous”.
    To even kiss a total stranger sef ? (someone will say I’m lying now or that I’m a hypocrite ???).

    • Felinda

      May 17, 2017 at 2:20 am

      Idomagirl Cos it’s hard for certified born hoes to believe not everyone is a hoe like them. They see it abnormal ?????????,

    • Manny

      May 17, 2017 at 4:24 am

      I agree with you. I don’t get the virgins are doomed to a miserable sex life in marriage argument. The people that are sexually experienced now, were they not once virgins?

  53. marvel

    May 17, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    you nailed it, fleur.

  54. LiberatedByChrist

    May 17, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    This so called article from Uru Eke is a complete falsehood from the pit of hell. However, i am not surprised that many people (including church goers or even church workers) support this lie.
    God did not make man or woman to indulge in “hoe phase”. God made us for HIS sole pleasure. Revelation 4 v 11. He made us to live in holiness; to abstain from every sin including every form of sexual immorality-Oh yes, it is very possible on a daily basis!
    Anyone propagating or in any way supporting or indulging in the “hoe phase” is a servant of the devil. The “hoe phase” is not God’s way. Jesus is God’s Way and Truth. Anything that contradicts this Truth is a BIG lie.
    There are many women or men who married as virgins who are totally enjoying glorious heavenly sex with their spouses. Oh yes, sex was made by God and for only marriage relationships.
    Uru Eke do not be a messenger of satan to propagate his bad news. Imagine if young, naive or gullible girls or women or even boys and men listen and buy this your devilish advise, the already bad world will become worse.
    I urge to people to entirely reject this “hoe phase” devilish article because it will lead anyone who takes it seriously to destruction.
    Repent and follow Jesus.

  55. mz_danielz

    May 17, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Abeg, can we talk about accidental hoe-phase.

    I’m serious oh. Someone had her 1st boo at 13 in ss2, just kissing and smooching. Had sex at 17 and since then has gone through a lot of phases; friends with benefits, secondary virginity/off men for a while, I only date for the money, I need to pick a partner so I don’t jump around, I need me an orgasm, place is right let’s do it.

    But the decision to go through these phases wasn’t planned, it started out as I want to fall in love till heart break happened.

    Abeg, that one follow for hoe-phase and please I’m asking for ‘a friend’.

  56. mz_danielz

    May 17, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    And if I must add, how much you enjoy sex depends really on factors that are not about experience. I feel like going back to my Uni boo and erasing our sexual experience because the more I owned my body and myself and kept sex for when I wanted to do it, sex became magical. Experience don’t matter jare. Btw, why do people yab virgins, I really wish I was still one. I loved the person I was then. I partied, flirted, had fun etc knowing fully well that sex was never going to happen.

    Sex comes with responsibilities; condoms, emotional ties, STIs, bleeding due to pills, fear.

    Being decent rocks abeg for both guys and babes.

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