Nigerians can make annoying and unreasonable comments that at times, make you swear that you would never leave your house again. From business owners, to MDs, to market women and commercial drivers. If you are a Nigerian, whether you live in an urban or rural area, you cannot escape this.
Some funny questions and comments I heard:
No change o
I used to think this was only applicable to bus drivers or “okada men” until I visited a store. After shopping, my bill came to a certain amount and I fetched out a couple of bills to pay. A few minutes later, the cashier looked at me disgustingly and said, “No change o. It’s either you buy something with your change or you drop what you bought” I asked her if she was serious about that and she replied in the affirmative. Most times, these sales persons want you to leave the money with them even if they have the change. After all, it is a subtle way to make money on the side. This is peculiar to almost every business person in Nigeria. Bus drivers chant it, Gala sellers use it as their lullabies. You try to buy #200 Recharge card with #500 or #1000 note and you will never hear the end of it.
As fine as you are/ fine boy like you
Please, this one I don’t get it. You complain to your male friend of being broke and he goes “fine girl like you” I really want to know if ones financial capabilities has any thing to do with one’s physical attributes. The worst is when you are in the market and you try to bargain. “Abeg take 2500 for this meat. Na wetin I get be that.” The next thing that automatically comes to the lips of the seller is “Haba, Aunty. As you fine reach, you still dey price.”
Another one is if you ask for your change from a person you just patronized. The next thing the person says is “Haa brother. As you fine reach, you no fit dash me this #150?”
Sometimes if you are in a very happy mood, you dash them, other times, you smile a little and ask again.
I wonder if the fine girl or boy has a fine tree where they pluck money anytime they need it.
Spend Oga’s money please/ Oga gave you money nau
This one too is pretty annoying. Once you are fine and dress well too, everyone thinks a guy is financing your lifestyle. You visit your usual local store to shop for household necessities. At a point, the sales person says, “Aunty, won’t you buy wipes? Cashew nuts nko?, to which you respond I don’t need it. We still have at home.” This person doesn’t want to know if you are telling the truth. The next thing they say is “Aunty, spend this money nau. Spend Oga’s money small nau.” Sometimes you do not bother to respond, you just smile and walk away.
How old are you?
Haaaaaaaa…. Try getting to a certain age and being without a boo. You will get asked this question by aunties, uncles and concerned relatives, worse off is ones mother if still alive or the woman playing the mother figure. Also this question is asked when people try to make a point. I think to an extent, people aggregate the number of responsibilities you have with your age. A 29 year old isn’t supposed to have the same number of responsibilities as a 40 year old. And so when you complain about anything, be it finances or health, you get asked “You this small boy. How old are you sef that you are complaining.”
If you take public buses frequently, I need not explain this. Everyone in a public bus is always of the opinion that they have equal rights with each passenger as they all paid the same prices. Sometimes you are jolted out of your thoughts when somebody on the row where you are seated suddenly shifts, moving all of you together like the nicely laid fishes in a sardine. It doesn’t get any easier if this person has a large butt. Passengers who are picked on the way by the driver’s or conductors make this their chants as they board the vehicles. “Abeg shift o. We all paid equal amounts please.”
Aren’t you working?
Once you get a job, folks begin begin to shift some responsibilities on you. They do not care if your salary is very juicy or not. In as much as you get up every morning and leave for work, you have to pay your dues. From demands like “buy me something when you are coming, to my birthday is coming, what will you get me? to Let’s go watch a movie, you will pay o” And then when you say you do not have too much money, they retort “Shebi you are working.”
Friends who know the salaries of their girlfriends and who think you should have more money since you earn more than they do also say this too.
“I cannot afford a 30k asoebi o. I don’t have money at the moment, and the person goes, aren’t you working? In that big company sef.”
I’m sure you made a first class
This one can be real embarrassing. Someone meets you, you get talking and then one day you are having a conversation and they go “I know people like you. The bookworm of the class. I’m sure you made a First Class or a very high 2.1” When you explain that you didn’t, they brush off your comments, content in the fact that you are only joking. This doesn’t do much to your ego, especially when you barely managed to scale through school. I often wonder, so grades can be read through ones appearance? And I think to myself, beautiful!
Are you a virgin?
This one is relative. While some would ask you outrightly, some would ask theirs stylishly. People ask this either when they think you are promiscuous or when they do not know where to place you. If the person is a close friend, at times you are forced to answer. If not, you just smile or laugh out loud and quickly change the topic.
Did I miss out something? Please feel free to add yours in the comment section.
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