These past few days I have been thinking, am I ready to get married? This is something I have had to think seriously about over the past few days. This may come as a surprise to some people who know me very well. For 29 years I have been the I don’t want to get married to Ok I will get married and I know I will get married early to Wow what’s happening, where are all the men? to the lovesick girl who didn’t have any sense to I hate men and I think they are all evil to not all men are evil, there are actually good ones to I love my singleness and I’m not in a hurry to give it up and I wouldn’t bow to any marital pressure.
I have been all these girls, and now I am the girl who is grateful for the journey she has been through and who no longer regrets it.
I am now the girl who is content with her singleness; but these days I have discovered a desire to be in a relationship. It was funny at first because I couldn’t understand it. Maybe it’s the movies or the books, but whenever I encounter a love story or a love movie that desire is rekindled.
Being the practical girl that I am, I had to ask myself some hard questions. If society did not put the pressure or the expectation that one should be married, would I get married? It took me several days to answer that question. I have always said I wouldn’t get married, except it is something that I want for myself.
Now that I have come to the conclusion that getting married is something that I want, I asked myself again the why. Why do I want to get married? I am a believer in the principle that the motives behind everything we do must be right and pure, because at the end of the day; that’s what matters.
Even though I have answered the above question, one hard reality hit me; I AM AFRAID. I am afraid that love will not last. I am afraid that maybe my future husband will change from being loving and caring. I ask myself so after the wedding, after getting back from the honeymoon, then what next? How would we behave when we get back? Are we still going to relate like the love-struck birds we were when we were dating? Are we just going to be parents and not partners?
These are questions I ask myself based on what I see around. I’m afraid I won’t lie. I don’t want the traditional stereotypical marriage I see around. I don’t want us to be so carried away by kids, responsibilities, jobs, that we forget we are lovers, partners and companions. I still want him to look at me with love and desire in his eyes.
Am I asking for too much?
Unfortunately for me, at the deepest part of my mind, I’ve been wired to believe that love will not last and people change.
Maybe all I’m trying to say is; I’M SCARED.
Photo Credit: Nelson Ikheafe | Dreamstime