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Forever Young: Will this Love Last?

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These past few days I have been thinking, am I ready to get married? This is something I have had to think seriously about over the past few days. This may come as a surprise to some people who know me very well. For 29 years I have been the I don’t want to get married to Ok I will get married and I know I will get married early to Wow what’s happening, where are all the men? to the lovesick girl who didn’t have any sense to I hate men and I think they are all evil to not all men are evil, there are actually good ones to I love my singleness and I’m not in a hurry to give it up and I wouldn’t bow to any marital pressure.

I have been all these girls, and now I am the girl who is grateful for the journey she has been through and who no longer regrets it.

I am now the girl who is content with her singleness; but these days I have discovered a desire to be in a relationship. It was funny at first because I couldn’t understand it. Maybe it’s the movies or the books, but whenever I encounter a love story or a love movie that desire is rekindled.

Being the practical girl that I am, I had to ask myself some hard questions. If society did not put the pressure or the expectation that one should be married, would I get married? It took me several days to answer that question. I have always said I wouldn’t get married, except it is something that I want for myself.

Now that I have come to the conclusion that getting married is something that I want, I asked myself again the why. Why do I want to get married? I am a believer in the principle that the motives behind everything we do must be right and pure, because at the end of the day; that’s what matters.

Even though I have answered the above question, one hard reality hit me; I AM AFRAID. I am afraid that love will not last. I am afraid that maybe my future husband will change from being loving and caring. I ask myself so after the wedding, after getting back from the honeymoon, then what next? How would we behave when we get back? Are we still going to relate like the love-struck birds we were when we were dating? Are we just going to be parents and not partners?

These are questions I ask myself based on what I see around. I’m afraid I won’t lie. I don’t want the traditional stereotypical marriage I see around. I don’t want us to be so carried away by kids, responsibilities, jobs, that we forget we are lovers, partners and companions. I still want him to look at me with love and desire in his eyes.

Am I asking for too much?

Unfortunately for me, at the deepest part of my mind, I’ve been wired to believe that love will not last and people change.

Maybe all I’m trying to say is; I’M SCARED.

Photo Credit: Nelson Ikheafe | Dreamstime

Adejoke was born in Zaria, Kaduna State (which she absolutely has no recollection of) and graduated from the University of Abuja with a BSc in Accounting at Gwagwalada (which she can’t believe she still lives in).She started writing because her life was boring and had no one to talk to, so she thought, why don’t I talk with the whole world?Her blog www.memoirsofagreatlady.com was born after she discovered a passion for writing, and that writing is therapeutic as she now lives a joyful purposeful life.If you visit the blog, its description says, a lifestyle blog created with a purpose to impact and inspire people to live their best life (helping people to have sense) which sums up what she loves to do.When she is not writing, she is baking (she makes the best chocolate cake) or disturbing her sister who she loves to pieces.

21 Comments

  1. I relate

    October 27, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    I have been on this journey for 3 years and am probably not an authority yet. But i can totally relate. when i initially got married, i was so paranoid. He was/is too good to be true. So i was scared. Scared that he ll change, that something bad might happen after all good things don’t last, right? I gradually talked myself out of it. He is still amazing. Something bad might happen. But right now, I am dwelling on the moment, taking it all in. Enjoying the amazing man i married. If anything happens, at least there were good times. But until then, I will not be afraid. I hope you overcome yours.

  2. 3ples

    October 27, 2017 at 2:21 pm

    straight from MY heart

  3. Jummy

    October 27, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Thank you for voicing out what most women today are thinking. I have those fears as well. Just the other day, a bunch of married women were telling me “no marriage it happy. Anyone that tells you they’re happy is lying to you.” They then went on to say “thought you’re not supposed to be happy in a marriage, it’s still important to get married and you have to get married.”

    And I’m like huh!? I’m supposed to purposely enter something I know will make me miserable? Which kain yawa be that? I have promised myself that I will grow into my womanhood before settling down.

    I’m a few months shy of 24 but settling down is nowhere around in my books because I need to finish my bachelor’s and master’s before thinking of marriage and that won’t be for another 5 years, and I believe by then I should be mature enough to settle down.

    The only thing that this on my heart a bit is my boyfriend who is 8 and a half years oldee than me may not want to wait that long. Either way, I’ve told myself I won’t compromise my future for anything.

    • Bio

      October 27, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Hmn! But I am VERY VERY VERY happy in my marriage o.
      Matter of fact I am more than happy. I am fulfilled.
      Please dissuade yourself from these wrong doctrines of marriage is a misery.
      There are so many marriages that are good and I am not talking about show off or fake good marriages. I mean PRIVATE PEOPLE who are happily married. (got nothing against show offs anyways).

      My dear don’t let anybody impact their negativity on your life. Find your own space and you will flourish there. Ha! I fear o. How can you have as much as a bunch of unhappy married women in this your young life. That my dear is not a good influence!

      I consciously keep a group of successful people around me and it motivates.
      My family friends are people who are committed to their families, even the elderly Alhaji amoungst them is very much committed to his wife and not looking to marry a second wife (though he has nothing against it, but he tells us no one can understand him like alhaja does) moreover he takes very good care of his full time house wife and he is not unfaithful.

      The young ones among us are learning as well and its a well rounded circle of committed friends. professionally, maritally, health wise, religiously we look at out for each other during thick and thin and we have had a couple of life happenings in our midst.

      My word for you today is guide your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issue of life!;
      I once heard sam adeyemi say that you are what you feed yourself with ( books, environment, etc) in short your faith will come by hearing and hearing by the word……….

      so consciously state hearing great testimonies. marriage can be 100% faithful and progressive for both parties if you find the right person.

    • HOPE

      October 27, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      I do not know the married women you are around but I and my friend are truly happy. Change your surroundings and marry who you share the same principles and ideologies with.

    • Sharon

      October 27, 2017 at 5:48 pm

      I have always wondered about many Nigerian women and whether they are truly happy In their marriages. They stay through countless number of infidelity, beatings, have to constantly scheme and manipulate the man to give them money, ‘love’ them and not completely abandon them.

      Sometimes they console themselves by saying ” at least he is not bringing the other woman home…… I am THE WIFE…….he only beats me when I do something wrong….. I will try not to provoke him” , but I have always wondered can any woman truly look the other way with regards to infidelity and in-law Drama, beatings etc without some serious side effects? I can understand why they told you that deep down most of them are not happy. Marriage the typical Nigerian way, is a breeding ground for unhappiness!.

    • The real dee

      October 29, 2017 at 3:26 am

      For your sake, Jummy, I will add to the other positive comments. I am very happy in my marriage and my circle of friends are also very happy in their marriages. I can’t go on and on about each person’s marriage to prove my point. But I want you to know that story you’ve been told about marriage is a fallacy. It may be true for some people but it’s not true for all.

      I think the issue is that many people who are happily married are very private about their marriage. I’ll speak for myself and my friends now. None of them show their happy marriage on social media. I’m not insinuating that’s the reason we have a happy marriage but when many people who are happy in their marriages don’t share their story, you don’t get the full picture.

      My own mother, although married for over 25 years didn’t really enjoy her marriage for some years because my dad had a wandering private part and she implanted this idea in my head that all men are cheats and useless. I refused to internalize her theory and prayed seriously about choosing a spouse. I can say I’m grateful to God everyday for committing my marital decision to God and marrying one of his blokes, one who truly fears God, who was designed specifically for me.

      Are there arguments in marriage? Yes. Will you sometimes feel so pissed, you want to be by yourself? Yes. But, as the Bible says, Love conquers all. And that same Love ( love for you and love for God) will make a home without infidelity and DV.

  4. john

    October 27, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    For 29 years I have been theI don’t want to get marriedtoOk I will get married and I know I will get married earlytoWow what’s happening, where are all the men?tothe lovesickgirl who didn’t have any sensetoI hate men and I think they are all eviltonot all men are evil, there are actually good onestoI love my singleness and I’m not in a hurry to give it up and I wouldn’t bow to any marital pressure………………..hahahahaha….not surprised … I deal with them here on daily basis…anyway, let me be going ..the initiated have understood

  5. bubu

    October 27, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    hmmmm. truth be told, fear of failure, pain and regrets is the number reason for ” Marriage is not for everybody” . every day is a leap of faith. we however can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. chiao

  6. Janr

    October 27, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    If you need any proof of everlasting love, look at Jesus

  7. Sisi

    October 27, 2017 at 3:20 pm

    I am with you girl, we are similar in that we ask ourselves the hard questions and motives must be right. If I am honest what I am most scared of is having to reveal the worst parts of me which will inevitably be exposed – the impatient, petty, stubborn, moody me that I try my best to suppress. I don’t want to be that person but the people we love often bring out the worst in us simply because of proximity or maybe I’ve got this wrong. Sigh – not getting my own heart hurt is another story entirely. Being 100% vulnerable and transparent more generally makes my stomach churn.

    • Bio

      October 27, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      May you find that right person for you Sisi. You will not mind being vulnerable with that person and he will love you regardless.

    • Ndalo

      November 13, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      Ohhh sweets. This is soo me. I really do want to get married, but i fear that my husband will dislike me because of the traits i have ie impatience, moods etc. I, like you, tend to supress these feelings but when you are married to someone these things inevitably reveal thmselves. I am scared to the core. I myself struggle with understanding these feelings-what more someone else who was raised in a whole different way in a completely different environment? God knows i do want to get married, but will i be someone my husband can live with? Will eh dread coming home to me? I fear all these things man.

  8. Scaredtomarry

    October 27, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    What society don’t know is that a lot of us are scared to marry. The guys think they are the best thing to happen to us but no marriage is enviable to me.I have been engaged for about 2 years, though we’re still together, life is happening constantly and I believe the reason we aren’t loosing it is because we haven’t signed the dotted lines. Most times, I’m scared to marry and very few times I want to get married. I’m personally enjoying this phase and wouldn’t mind us being like this but that would be selfish considering he will be done with his project soon and our parents are growing impatient. I feel like everyone talks about marriage to suppress the scary feeling of getting married. I’m also 29 and it feels relaxing to know that i’m not the only one feeling this way.

  9. ScaredofMarriage

    October 27, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    What society doesn’t know is that a lot of us are scared of marriage. The guys think they are the best thing to happen to us but no marriage is enviable to me.I have been engaged for about 2 years, though we’re still together, life is happening constantly and I believe the reason we aren’t loosing it is because we haven’t signed the dotted lines. Most times, I’m scared to marry and very few times I want to get married. I’m personally enjoying this phase and wouldn’t mind us being like this but that would be selfish considering he will be done with his project soon and our parents are growing impatient. I feel like everyone talks about marriage to suppress the scary feeling of getting married. I’m also 29 and it feels relaxing to know that i’m not the only one feeling this way.

  10. Bio

    October 27, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    Moreover I completely disagree with “though you are not supposed to be happy in your marriage you should still marry” that my dear is a suicide mission. either you kill yourself or the guy kills you ( whether physically or inwardly)

    • iyabo

      October 27, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      ….very true….you will start to die slowly from th einside……

  11. AceOfSpades

    October 27, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    Even if your family (mom,dad, sisters, brothers) can’t make you happy forever. They’ll make you happy, sad, cry, laugh and all but you want everylasting happiness with one person that you don’t know from Adam. You will be alright last last.
    Do ‘they’ not preach for you to be happy with yourself and if the man mess up, just know he lost a good thing and vice versa.

    • john

      October 27, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      hmmm..That’s dope?

  12. Brainstorm

    October 27, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    IKR completely!

    Ask me if i wanna get married. The answer will be “I dont know”. The probability of it happening is closer to 1 than 0 but I must admit, I really am scared of this thing. I don’t want wahala in this my life. I’m not confrontational and can end up being the one badly hurt if things go south. I just love peace, tranquility, happiness and prosperity more than marriage. Who says I can’t get these while married? Well, I hope that happens, but if marriage doesn’t happen, I think I’ll be fine.

  13. Iydy

    October 28, 2017 at 11:40 am

    We attract what we fear most. Stop the fear and focus mainly on the positive sides of life. It has worked for many.

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