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“Don’t get bitter” – Nike Adeyemi has a Message for Female Breadwinners | Watch

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On a new episode of her weekly “Conversations with Nike” vlog series, Pastor Nike Adeyemi has a message for female breadwinners.

The ‘Conversations with Nike’ series feature short, down-to-earth and impactful encouragement from Nike Adeyemi.

In this episode, she encourages female breadwinners to not get bitter and to always remain strong for the family. She also encourages them not to lose hope for their husbands as there will be a turn-around if they believe.

Watch below.

46 Comments

  1. Tope

    November 21, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    Word!

  2. Veronica

    November 21, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    What about a single lady who is the bread winner for her nuclear family

  3. IQ

    November 21, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    Yes, it’s all good until he becomes the bitter one and starts to resent you for being the provider, and you have to walk on egg shells not to offend his sensitivity, and it doesn’t make a difference because he is angry at everything and next thing you know he starts emotionally abusing you and the children, and keeping malice at random, and he starts monitoring your every move and behaving like a psycho and eventually beats you till he breaks your thigh bone and you’re now forever handicapped.

    It’s all good.

    • Deleke

      November 21, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Sounds close to home

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      That escalated quickly…

    • Engoz

      November 21, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Jesus!

    • Mamamia

      November 21, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      ??? why do I find this funny??

    • oLUCHI

      November 21, 2017 at 3:00 pm

      omg

    • Bio

      November 21, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      My dear that was my exact circumstance in my first marriage. Before you make any suggestion he will say …….Mrs breadwinner. If you say don’t let us spend like that he will say YOU MUST SEE YOURSELF AS A Financial guru O. Very terrible circumstance.

      When he is not doing that he is manipulating how to collect the money you have not even received in cash e.g xmas bonus so October ending to Nov. ending he is all sweet then the moment the money finish he is back to his crazy nature.

      The first attitude did not even make me bitter it was the second that irritated me badly the moment I understood his pattern.

      To be honest it is a difficult place to be and I just pray God grants the people going thru it wisdom. As for me I think brides to be should just watch out for these traits in any man they are considering. I was naive and I paid for it very dearly.

    • [email protected]

      November 21, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      It can get better dear

    • Lilo

      November 21, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      Preach! Preach again. I be seen such resentment hats pushed the man to rebellion. I.e. I will by the worst husband so that you won’t think I’m being good cos you have bought my freedom or you can control me. I will cheat on you so you won’t think you can by my faithfulness or it’s your money hats making me faithful. This scenario often times backfires on the woman breadwinner

  4. iyabo

    November 21, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    …….each party comes to the marriage with multiple assets. A man’s ability to earn is just one. If you lose your job, find another. Bring to bear on your home, other parts of yourself Be a companion to your wife, create a wonderful atmosphere in your home. Don’t make the family miserable just because of a temporary situation. Your are more than your income.

  5. Papermoon

    November 21, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    Some guys to are just lazy and can’t hold jobs. They are often always happily unemployed. You are the bread winner for life……

  6. Akara Pancake

    November 21, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    This happens more often than people let on: the husband loses his job – he is either laid off, retrenched or fired, and the wife has to hold the house down, while he finds his feet again. Sometimes it takes longer for him to do so.

    If you are a guy in that situation, keep your head up. Dont take out your frustrations on your wife and kids. Stay positive, keep looking, keep busy and stay looking for an opportunity – maybe it is time to try a personal business venture (don’t rule it out). Volunteer if you need to keep busy, or write a blog/book. Guard your mentality, but work on your physicals too. Exercise, take walks, run etc. It will help with clarity of mind.

    Truth be told, some wives become irritable if their man is not leaving the house to earn every morning, so do not be oversensitive. Hopefully things will normalize soon. Good luck

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 4:00 pm

      Imagine a blog or book written by John or Chief. It will be entitled “Nigerian Women Are Evil.. If You Lose Your Job, Kill Yourself – A Practical Guide To Handling Unemployment As A Strong African Man”.
      Every chapter will be a rant against the demon called WOMAN and how to “overcome” her.
      I’d subscribe.

    • John

      November 21, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      @loki I don’t know why but I just dey find your comments about me So Cute….I just ignore it most of the time and thats weird bcos I know if it was another woman I would have bash her back right away.

    • Tosin

      November 21, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      awww, Loki and John – sooo cuuuteee

    • The Real Oma

      November 21, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      @Loki, you haf killed me o. See me laughing like a lunatic in my room. My flatmates must be wondering whattapun

  7. Engoz

    November 21, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    Lol. See the way gender roles dey cage una, lmao.

    Anyway, there is nothing wrong in wives being breadwinners. The husbands have to make themselves useful in the home by taking over domestic chores. You find out the man refuses to apply himself domestically in these cases. The woman still has to come home and do all the housework. My ideal is both parties contributing financially and domestically. But things do happen and one may not be able to do one of the two. Nevertheless, you cannot be unemployed and then refuse to do house chores. If it’s ”beneath’ you as a man to do house chores, it’s simple go and get a job and stop getting fat on the couch and frustrating everybody.

    • Chief

      November 21, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      @Engoz….

      I feel sorry for men who are emasculated by some women like you..Honestly,You are dealing with some serious issues and needs some serious medication and therapy.I completely disagree with women being breadwinners..With rate of unemployment reaching high record across our country the proportion of women who carry financial responsibility for their family has increased by about 50% thereby making many men househusbands and our women are using this opportunity to emasculate their husbands smh,Emasculating a man means taking away his true male identity which is linked to leadership.

      A lot us grew up during the time when we generally understood that women were nurtures and care takers of children and the family while men were not.With more and more men being unemployed and their wives being employed,that means women provides now and men nurturers more now…Sad!.

      Men in today’s society have not only suppressed themselves but instead have equalized themselves to our female counterparts.Nowadays it is far from odd to see women taking care of the house chores while we men can be seen at home taking care of their families.That women should cook,clean and take care of the children is changing and we men are the cause.We must wake up.Something should be done fast to bring back masculinity in men..Feminizing of men and masculinisation of women is happening in our eyes and we men are keeping quiet?? Western men have been squeezed out of the space that used to be his position in the family,he has been demoted to just ordinary floor member.Very soon we African men will be of no use to the family structure if care is not taken on time.

      African man is one of the rare exceptions of manhood anywhere in the world,we still have our authority,infallibility and strength that our women want to take away from us. We men are required by custom or tradition to earn money and support the family..Every man should work harder,the basic role of the woman being the breadwinner gave her that control,As a man don’t allow it to happen.We must abide and uphold our patriarchal society.Thanks

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      BN I know we’ve fought today but could you kindly delete my duplicate comments? Thanks.

    • Engoz

      November 22, 2017 at 9:16 pm

      “African man is one of the rare exceptions of manhood anywhere in the world,we still have our authority,infallibility and strength that our women want to take away from us.”

      Buhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week! Rare exceptions of manhood? Authority, infallibility? You African men that rely on the so-called ‘effeminate’ Western men who you say have lost ‘authority’ to feed your own women and children? You no dey shame. African men are a disgrace to manhood. No need for debate.

      Chief any time you are unemployed, make sure you make yourself useful in the home, wash the plates, take care of the kids, nurture them, clean the floors, do the laundry and dutifully settle in your househusband duties, rotflmao. It’s not hard. Women have been doing it for centuries and they did not die.

  8. Bio

    November 21, 2017 at 3:56 pm

    If the husband looses his job he should make sure to be doing something in the meantime. Dry cleaning, bricklayer subordinate, petrol attendant, selling, farming anything don’t just seat and be waiting endlessly. Prayerfully start something abeg.

    These talk about creating a good atmosphere is more theory than practical, sometimes he himself does not feel so good and even if he does, after the wife has gone through so much hazzle at work and she gets home to meet house rent of almost a million which they rented when he had a job, what good atmosphere can take the burden off her. Its a hard place to be you wont understand except you have been there.

    please there is no good atmosphere just find something to do, if it fails find another no pride. Just do something driver, PA to your friend, lesson teacher, Manager to your former colleagues private business so many things. Just do something

  9. AceOfSpades

    November 21, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    The way male children are brought up in Nigeria (I think) makes them feel inferior when they can’t support the family. Most unmarried men now if you ask why they aren’t married, they tell you ‘I don’t have enough money to marry’. Even the women feel if he isn’t this and that (which is financially linked), I can’t marry him. This same man is the one you expect to act right when he goes broke and the wife has to take over?

    The society has already pressed it into us and shaken it well that women should be catered for and men should be the caterer even tho lots of women are fighting that idea. Most of the fight is still on social media. Majority of these women in real life still finance shame men but how many women get called a broke person? The way it hits women when they are called slut is how it hits men when they are called brokea**. There was a comment here sometime when a lady said ‘stupid man and if you check well, the wife paid for that dinner they are eating o’ and it had two hundred and something likes. Would it be so interesting if a man paid for dinner and maybe the lady didn’t act so right?

    There is no advise for the lady or the man in such situation being discussed. Let them just do whatever works for them. Majority of human beings anyway

    • AceOfSpades

      November 21, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Majority of human beings aren’t appreciative anyway.

    • Jummy

      November 21, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      You sir, are smart.

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      AceOfSpades- You’re making so much sense. Nigerian culture (and many other cultures as well) tie a man’s entire worth as a human being to his bank account and ability to provide. It’s killing men everywhere. Yes, the Bible does say that a man who cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel but I definitely think we quote that scripture out of context to make a man feel less than human if he can’t provide. For me I interpret that Scripture to apply to a man WHO HAS THE MEANS but refuses to cater for his family as the head. Not every man is going to be rich or even financially savvy. Testosterone doesn’t automatically attract money to you.
      And Men, stop enabling the problem. Trust me, even if you can barely feed yourself, there’s a woman somewhere who will love you like that; but you’d rather work yourself into heart failure trying to impress one opportunistic chick somewhere who will turn her back on you the moment you can’t afford a holiday to Ibiza because you see women as a prize or as objects that can be bought.
      Women, get a damned job and stop looking for someone to “take care of you”. It’s not helping our cause.
      The world is just messed up jare.

    • Tosin

      November 21, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      i get very pained when people “finance-shame” men. sometimes it’s really lame actually, like i go out with a friend and i’m getting tickets and the mumu guy selling the tickets thinks it’s ok to make a joke on my guy. yo, so i can’t take someone out again? people need to check their mentality.

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      AceOfSpades- You’re making so much sense. In Nigeria (and many other cultures as well), the value of a man as a human being is reduced to his financial worth and ability to provide. It’s killing men. Yes, the Bible does say that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel but I think we’ve taken that scripture out of context to completely humiliate a man who lacks the wherewithal. I believe that scripture relates to a man who HAS THE MEANS but REFUSES to provide for his family as the head of the enterprise. Not every man is going to be rich or even financially savvy. Testosterone doesn’t automatically attract money to you.
      And men- stop enabling the situation. Trust me, even if you can barely feed yourself, there will be a woman somewhere who will love you like that. But you’ll rather work yourself into heart failure trying to impress one opportunistic chick who will turn her back on you the moment you can no longer afford a holiday to Ibiza, because you see women as prizes or objects that can be bought.
      Women, get yourself a damned job and stop looking for someone to “take care of you”.
      The world is messed up jare.

  10. Satanist

    November 21, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Hi, Loki.

    Sometimes its difficult not to get bitter when your partner instead of supporting you, blames you for his misery and you have to walk on eggshells around him. Its also hard to not be bitter when you are the one supporting your family as a single lady and it seems you can’t take care of your own needs, you have to put them first. It can be really exhausting but in all, it takes a healthy mind and a great support system to not go crazy.

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      Yeah, I get you. The economy these days is so bad, we’re gradually having more women in the position of provider for large families- it’s not applicable to just married women. Some women are providers for their ancestral homes. They are the “Aunty in Lagos” who is a “big madam in a bank”. Nevermind that they’re just like Officer 1 oh. You’re doing your best and yet you somehow also have to be the perfect wife/mom/sister/whatever and somehow accommodate the ego of everybody because you’re a woman- BE SUBMISSIVE. If you’re also unfortunate enough to have a grumbling partner who won’t do anything to ease the stress- not even boiling rice so the kids can eat, and turns every slight disagreement into “I don’t blame you. It is because you are the one making the money” it can be extremely tasking to keep a happy spirit.

    • Loki

      November 21, 2017 at 6:48 pm

       I get you. In these days of extremely bad economy, we’re now having an increasing number of women finding themselves in the position of provider for large households. This isn’t just married Women, some single women are The major breadwinner for their ancestral homes. They are the “Aunty in Lagos” who is a “big madam in a bank”. Nevermind that they’re just at entry level. And with all that stress, they are somehow still expected to be the perfect wife/mom/sister/whatever who will accommodate everyone’s ego and be submissive because YOU ARE A WOMAN!. Lord help her if she’s also unfortunate enough to have a whining, bitter partner who does nothing but complain and will do nothing to ease the stress- not even boil rice for the kids to eat because I’M A MAN! And who turns every slight disagreement into “I dont blame you, it is because you are the one making money” It can be very difficult to stay sweet in those circumstances.
      With each day we live, we die just a little from human problems.

  11. Lilo

    November 21, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    @Bio – are you sure you weren’t married to my Sis’s ex? Hahah. He used to call her madam oil & Gas in a very berating and belittling way when he lost his job. One minute he was buying her tom ford glasses $350. The next he wants a loan for $20K. God forbid my sis pushes back, he will read her the riot act and remind her how as an unemployed man, he bought her sunglasses yet he has to beg for a loan . This is on top other loans he didn’t pay o. Baba nla calculating emotional blackmail

    • Bio

      November 21, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      Girl I know that part of these type wanting to take something from you but first buy you something even if its on credit or you don’t need it, then they ask you for the favour which you must not mistakenly turn down because you will hear how they sacrificed their entire life for you yet you do not appreciate it.

      Once I said, but I did not need the stuff you bought on credit to bribe me into committing to start paying back a ridiculously huge debt that I don’t even know how you came about because I already have one and its not a commodity that anybody needs two of.

      Then he goes……….”i was only thinking of giving you some extra comfort”. MY DEAR THAT WAS THE DAY I KNEW I DON ENTER ONE CHANCE!!!

    • jide

      November 21, 2017 at 10:44 pm

      All this just to bear Mrs? Mbanu!

    • bored sombori

      November 29, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      @Jide not really. Sometimes you meet these people without any desperation only to find things this way, then you give some effort to effect the desired changed which will help you determine whether you want to stay or not. From what she said earlier, the guy is now an ex so there is not like all this to bear “Mrs” because she left the title behind.

  12. Tosin

    November 21, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    lemme go and watch.
    in this time of recexn, it’s good to be understanding and to be thy neighbour’s keeper. even people who are not family, look out for them and help them. soon, we won’t be in this situation anymore. well done to all buhari voters.

    another one: if you are in naija and you know your name is not first bank, don’t lend anybody any money. in this time of reseshan, they are double lying if they say they know how they will pay back. just respect yourself and dash them the money or the help. i know some people will still read this and go and do moneylender. it’s kuku your right to find out for yourself. just wave the money bye-bye as you’re lending.

    and a free bonus – try and know something small about your partner before you rush to go and marry. some examples i can give – a chic who seemed financially well-off (her own house and all) and a guy who looked relatively wretched with a stupid car but he had some sexy savings, only for them to marry and he found out that the woman did not yet own all the stuff and that he would be hepping her to pay the mortgage, she stopped being fine in his eye and na from fight-fight to “i don’t” fast-fast… another couple the guy didn’t have and after they married God now overblessed his hustle, asheyyy he’s a miser he didn’t want to be carrying the weight of his darling wife again, no be small ting, another fast-fast divorce… another example: myself. i don’t believe in hustle. anybody that marries me and doesn’t know that i can sit down and be watching them work while i enjoy this wonderful world, e don enter mistake o. not saying i can’t work or don’t work or haven’t worked, just saying that some people take money more seriously than others and i’m one who is cool with the private jet or the keke napep, i can’t really even say one is superior to the other soooo don’t marry me if you can’t deal because i will actually divorce your ass for stressing me lol.

    heyy let me go and watch.

    • Serene

      November 22, 2017 at 12:38 pm

      Eess not only you that does not understand the hustle something o. Your comment cracked me up

  13. Tasmea

    November 21, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    Didn’t watch the video but this whole bread winning situation is funny to me. Is breadwinng preinstalled in a man’s scrotum? Why is there this notion that a man should be the breadwinner? Everybody should be winning bread for themselves and come together and make a home. If a man loses his job, he should try and keep busy and get another same thing applies when a woman loses her job. Most people need to understand that the world does not function by gender or sex difference anymore. An adult married or not should be able to fend for themselves through and thorough and in case of downtime, get something doing in that interim till you get on your feet. I have always wondered about this whole man bread wining thing. It ridiculous tbh! My BIL who earned way less than my sister lost his job and my sister started complaining things are hard and I was surprised because with her income she should be able to keep things in check. Until she told me that her husband fends for everything. I was shocked! I jokingly asked her what she does with all the money she makes. She told me in igbo that the money is for her and her children and that she can’t start carrying a man job when he is not handicapped. I didn’t know what to say. She’s my elder sister so I just respected myself and kept quiet before she reports me to my dad that I am an ITK and disrespectful. If it was a friend though I would have beat sense into her head. People don’t tell men when their wives lose their jobs to not be bitter so why tell women that? This is a result of a harmful blend of culture and religion. Anyway I think we need to do better.

    • Corolla

      November 21, 2017 at 6:52 pm

      Gbam!

    • OJ

      November 22, 2017 at 12:17 am

      My broda this matta tire mesef…and people have misinterpreted bible to suit a culture that’s no longer workable in modern times. ” he/she that refuses to work should not eat”, ” if anyone (man or woman) who fails to provide…….”, that mentality that the man must provide everything is what is killing society. How do you explain a wife that earns well, intact some even earn more than thier hubby, but its same problem of ” my money is my money, his money is our money” with all the education and exposure they have they still reason like its 1800….if the man now loses the job, if shame and frustration doesn’t push I’m to suicide, the so called help meet of a wife will play the role of Job’s wife…”curse God and die, idiot man”

  14. Loki

    November 21, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    BN I know we’ve fought today but could you kindly delete my duplicate comments? Thanks.

  15. Tiwa

    November 21, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    I thought it was okay for me to carry some of the boo’s financial burdens until I realized that it wasn’t mutual. He wanted to take, take, take and when he hammers, he’ll give me peanuts. (Un)fortunately, we got married before it really dawned on me so what I do now is to just watch him regardless of how much he complains or whatever emotional blackmail. I don’t have is I don’t have. Come and beat me. It’s not fun though. Don’t marry a broke ass. It rarely ends well.

  16. OJ

    November 22, 2017 at 12:30 am

    Everybody must win and bring bread home period!!!!
    The women are complaining of something we’ve been facing since Adam and Eve decided to eat the bloody apple….now you know how it feels like, while we slave all day to bring money home while you sit at home watching TELEMUNDO and ZEE WORLD…now you also know why men generally die earlier than women in this part of the world
    To all the hard working bread winners out there, the Lord is your strength

  17. Pinkie

    November 22, 2017 at 9:00 am

    How do you explain these:
    – You are the bread winner and your hubby thinks you don’t respect him – I don’t even understand this sudden addiction for respect. Is it Oxygen or food?
    – He thinks you are cheating on him – now, because I pay the bills, I’m a prostitute abi?
    – You pay school fees, rent and other miscellenous expenses and he still feels “what is the big deal, are you not doing it for your children?”
    – The only time Oga is nice is when he needs sex or money from you
    – He gets angry that you leave home early and get home late. To say he is jealousy is putting it mildly – forgetting it is this good job that pay the bills ooo
    – He is constantly sulking and frowning – until he needs something from you. Then he becomes Mr. Nice
    – When he is broke he becomes a monster. Physically abuses you at times for good measure…
    – Despite all the above your family still feels you should count yourself lucky and stay in the marriage – afterall, you are a Mrs, and have children for him. How many women can boast of a man and children?

    I’m confused ooo

  18. Yellow sun

    November 22, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    Oh Jesus.. .pls leave..this is not healthy.. before you kill him one day due to pent up anger
    This is my sisters situation but problem is..he has a job..she doesn’t.. but debt has made him useless even to feed the kids..
    This thing is terrible and too rampant nowadays

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