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Nkem Says: Don’t Marry Him… He’s 50 Years Old

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On the first day of November every year, my mother calls to remind me that my birthday is just 9 days away. I don’t know why she does it, but it has since become the tradition. Just as it is a tradition that she reminds me every 10th of November, when it actually is my birthday, that I am destined to birth her granddaughter – seeing as she only has “grandsons everywhere”.

At first, it was cute and I actually would secretly pray that my siblings keep producing sons and leave the mother-given-destiny for me, but as I have gotten older and my mother has become more desperate and tired of waiting for me to fulfil this destiny she bestowed on me, it has become slightly annoying.

As expected, she called on the 1st of this month. Surprisingly, the call sort of took a different and interesting turn. As usual, she asked what the plans were for my birthday and I mentioned a possible Dubai trip with two of my best female friends Uloma (who is also celebrating this November) and Ijeoma.

Then, we somehow drifted into a long gist of the male attention I have had in the last 10 months. I mentioned to her that I recently met a guy who is 50 years old and we are gradually becoming friends. Surprisingly, she went deathly quiet. It was new for me as she almost always praised any male being I mentioned to her and encouraged me to “show him love”. To liven the air, I went on to say to her that he did not look his age and he did not act too old either. She asked: “Is he married?” I said: “No” then out of the blues, she said: “Don’t marry him.” It was shocking. First of all, I had not mentioned anything suggesting that I was in a relationship with the man, so how did the idea of marrying him come to play? Again, isn’t this the same woman that wants a granddaughter as soon as possible? Oddly, I was in the mood for her drama and was interested in understanding her train of thought, so I asked: “Why?”

Her reasons included the following: at his age, was too old and marriage with a much younger woman will not work; he must be a terrible person to still be single at 50; and most hilarious, he could be my daddy. It was funny because, when I was dating a person I was very slighter older than, she had also complained that the relationship was not fair to me, as he would cheat on me with younger girls if we got married.

Our society, I guess, holds a negative stigma regarding age differences, which causes people to obsess over it. It stipulates that people of a certain age range can only be with people of a certain age range based on their sex as well. We now feel guilt, shame, and disappointment in our selves when we consider the possibility of dating or developing feelings for people outside the indicated age brackets. You are called a ‘Cougar’ if you are 40-year-old woman dating a 25-year-old male; a ‘Sugar daddy’ when you are a 70-year-old man dating a 22-year-old girl; a ‘Runs girl’ or ‘Gold digger’ if you are 17 and dating a 60-year-old man; and a ‘Sugar boy’ if you are 27 dating a 50-year-old woman. The backlash is so strong, it feels out of this world to suggest that such a pair could be bound by genuine love. Somehow we have given ‘age’ more meaning than we should, and we let the number control our existence.

Age, simply, is a number record we keep to remind us of the length of time we have existed. It does not define the reality of who we are or our destiny in life. It should not be this prison it has become, created by our society to deprive us the freedom to do whatever we want or be with whoever we want whenever we want to. If you see yourself happy with someone, do you really think age should be enough justification to re-evaluate what you have or even take a different path? People can wake up any morning and say they are a different age if they want to, and they won’t necessarily suffer any consequences. That is how powerless the number can be. Actually, people have been doing it and getting away with it for ages.

Perhaps she is with an older man because she finds him simple, patient, and easy going, or maybe he is with an older woman because he finds her super brilliant and very caring. Sure, age may affect how physically active we may be with time, but essentially mindset, faith, commitment, and perseverance are the things that actually determine the success of our relationships and life in general. Age is an illusion that does not have any impact until we give it power. We only start limiting ourselves and our happiness when we let age interfere with our mind.

Nkem Ndem is an energetic and highly accomplished Media Consultant who loves to help small businesses, especially women-led, grow their online presence using the right digital strategy or transition from traditional organizational boundaries. With years of experience in Copywriting and Editing, Content Branding and Strategy, Social media, and Digital Marketing, she is clearly obsessed with Digital Communications. She is the Head of Content and Lead Consultant at Black Ink Media - an Ideation and Content Agency that excels in providing fresh, creative digital services to content-centric businesses. Find out more about her at www.blackinkm.com or send her an e-mail at [email protected] Also follow her on IG: @nkemndemv, Twitter: @ndemv.

68 Comments

  1. Me

    November 4, 2017 at 2:51 am

    Your mum is very right…. older unmarried men (never being married) are usually mentally unstable beings.

    • nope nope nope

      November 4, 2017 at 4:03 am

      that’s a terrible generalisation.

    • Iyke

      November 4, 2017 at 10:47 am

      Wow….mentally unstable??How do you prove that assertion?And the older married men…divorced…polygamous..violent…abusers and having multiple sexual partners are considered the norm?
      Be smart in your thinking……
      And by the way,if you were not told how old you are,would you honestly know how old you really are?

    • Papacy

      November 4, 2017 at 1:48 pm

      Wawwwuuu

    • Seriously

      November 5, 2017 at 3:23 pm

      Really? Define mentally unstable bcos you sound like one for making such ignorant generalization. Does it apply to older unmarried women as well? The generalization and ignorant things women say at times is so contradicting and embarrassing. They just rant rubbish when it comes to men. Most women don’t even know what they want, and do opposite what they preach.
      Then complain when they are labeled about their age and status but want to label men all day. GTFOH

    • eve

      November 6, 2017 at 3:00 am

      this is very correct and I speak from Experience
      if he hasnt been married at all then he is mentally unstable. #gbam

  2. Meee

    November 4, 2017 at 4:32 am

    Well, every society judges with all the above scenarios you mentioned. But I would be wary dating a man above 40 who has never been married before. More often than not, there is a serious coma about him.

  3. BlueEyed

    November 4, 2017 at 5:57 am

    I know this would sound very backwards and I’m not known to think like this but I think her mum has a point somewhere, now I am speaking out of experience, I met a 40-year old man (never been married, no kids either) early on in my twenties, on paper he seemed to tick my boxes (at that age) but I realized very early that he was mentally unstable, no jokes, this man had an obsessive behavior and a weird disposition…but he was/is a very powerful career individual that is very smart. I still ran for my dear life, I love my sanity plix. So 80/100 times a man at that age that has never been married or had kids usually have some issues.

  4. Ross

    November 4, 2017 at 6:16 am

    Dear Nkem, if I’m not mistaken, you’re somewhere between the age of 24 and 27, am I rights? Cos it’s only a woman who hasnt experienced enough (no pun or mockery here intended) that speaks the way you do. Only a young lady says a 50 year old man doesn’t look or act his age, because she doesn’t have the tools to recognise that a 50 year old man will always be true to his age.
    Age is not just a number, neither is it an illusion. It is a very real phenomenon and when you’ve spent at least 3 decades on earth, you’ll start to understand your wise mother.
    When the age gap between 2 people is more than a decade, you have the danger of coming from 2 different world’s because you are indeed. This is a a whole generation and the things that formed and defined his and your generations will eventually come in to wreck unrest in your relationship. As the gap widens, there are expectations a man has of a woman or vise versa which simply cannot be fulfilled because of a lack of understanding. This is quite natural. It frustration sets in and the older party calls the younger party incompetent or selfish or a slew of other insults simple because their needs are not and cannot be met due to this stark difference in world views.
    I could go one, it I’ll leave life to teach you dear ?…don’t do more than 8 years difference if you want to be happy

  5. AceOfSpades

    November 4, 2017 at 6:16 am

    Don’t marry a woman that’s 40 above. 80/100 of the time, they have issues. It can’t be the man all the time having issues making them single, they must be doing something wrong too.

    • Mr Kriz

      November 4, 2017 at 8:57 am

      I laugh when I read the comments made here by our women. I will call them girls because girls think like undergraduates. They have beautiful dreams and ideas about what they want and prefer until they graduate into a woman and come to face the real life. I cant marry 40, I cant marry 50, I cant marry him, he’s 7 years older. The same ‘women’ that said these many years ago are now very quiet and believing God for a good man. Until life happens to you or someone close to you, you will think you know how biscuits break. Make una dey there.
      There are as many women and men of 40+ who are of good stock and ready to settle down in a loving marriage and excel. The most important thing is the understanding of the purpose of them getting together. Not on ageism or what others would say. There is no latecomer to finding love. Anybody that finds love at any age, any time, please enjoy.

  6. stan

    November 4, 2017 at 6:50 am

    Better for you ..I can’t even marry someone that is 8 years above my age let alone 50 years…

    • Bibi

      November 4, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Stan is cute 🙂

  7. Anony

    November 4, 2017 at 6:55 am

    Nne, before 25, age is not just a number at least for females. There’s s huge difference between an 18 year old and a 21 year old no matter how mature the 18 year old is. Let’s be honest, if we live our lives to the fullest at each stage, we will realize that we grow up more with age. At 18, a lot of people considered me mature, but the person I am now is sooo different.

    That said, some people are more pre-disposed. Towards older men, one of my mum’s fears is that I’ll bring home an older man. They’re mature, patient and have world experience. But a man past 40 never been married is a huge no-no.

  8. Martha Ako

    November 4, 2017 at 6:56 am

    Any man who isn’t married at 40 is either not serious, a serial cheat and skirt chaser, a confused fool, or too attached to his mum’s apron. Please don’t even mention 50. Haba! That’s way too old. I’d rather stay single. Nkem your mum is right… Too many question marks as to why he is still unmarried at that age…. You come near me with that age, I go just dey waka go

    • Abi

      November 4, 2017 at 10:17 pm

      So should a man of that age be married for the sake of it? What if he has not found the right person?
      If a man now cheats on his wife who he married at his correct age with the woman he should have waited for, the very same exponents of this weird age dynamics will scream blue murder. Smh Smh Smh

  9. Daezy

    November 4, 2017 at 7:24 am

    I once met a guy in his late 30’s who is unmarried. I picked interest in him only to realise that he has a lot of issues beyond human comprehension. Usually when a man is getting that old and has his own car, house and good career and is not married, from experience I wouldn’t like to end up with such person. Something serious is usually wrong somewhere.

    • ***

      November 4, 2017 at 12:54 pm

      Oh my gosh! F- no! House, car and career are not core requirements for marriage … jeeze! Who taught you this?

    • Tintin

      November 4, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      Na so dem go talk your own matter.

  10. Tasmea

    November 4, 2017 at 8:06 am

    I call bullshit on this one! The same must also apply to older unmarried women. Life has a way of slapping people upside down and down again. You can’t use your journey in life as a yardstick for others. This rubbish can be applied to everybody else then. Don’t marry a single mom, don’t marry a divorcee, don’t marry any woman above 35, don’t marry a career woman, don’t marry an Hausa or Igbo or Yoruba. Nonsense, nonsense and nonsense. Some people get their acts together later in life, some people become financially stable later, some people have really long term relationships that never end in marriage. Marry anybody of any age as long as you have dated the person and you’re satisfied with what you see. You should be careful when painting people with the same brush. There are a lot of unmarried 50 year old men that are just thinking of life commitment and nothing is wrong with. There are plenty of married men that are totally insane, sick and brutal ask their Mrs or I die wives in secret, they would open up! Something a lot of Nigerian women are familiar with.

    • Criss cross

      November 5, 2017 at 11:04 am

      PREACH IT!!!!

    • Chinenye

      November 27, 2018 at 4:18 pm

      THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Anonymous

    November 4, 2017 at 8:53 am

    You women would regularly say getting married is not compulsory. In addition, you complain about the tag the society puts on a woman that is not married by 30 years old. Yet, a man that is unmarried at a certain age has an underlying issue.

    You freely apply generalizing yardsticks to the male gender but complain when the society categorizes you by age and marriage status.

    • Weezy

      November 4, 2017 at 2:38 pm

      This I agree with to an extent. A man over 40 can be a good guy who just hasn’t met someone, especially as it takes longer nowadays for people to establish themselves. The average age of marriage will necessarily rise. However, I believe that once a man passes 40, he should only be dating women in their 30s and 40s. If he is trying to dip into the 20s, he has control issues and is afraid of being with a woman who is his equal. That is a red flag, more than his age.

      If he is 50 and never married and in Nigeria, then I absolutely agree with your mother. Nigeria where women are desperate for marriage once they turn 25, where if a woman turns 35 she starts deleting “must haves” from her list of requirements. You are trying to tell me that since this man turned 30, for 20 YEARS in this Nigeria, he could not find one nice, good-looking, responsible woman to marry? GTFOH.

  12. Fola

    November 4, 2017 at 9:02 am

    Very enlightening. We let preconceived notions regarding age limit our scope. Fundamentally, falling in love should just be that … falling in love. Its sometimes good to let your heart lead more times than your head. Shut out the old mentalities because no one else is gonna be in that relationship but you and that person so if it works, it works.

  13. ButtercuP

    November 4, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Thank you oh, @anon, I was about to say the same thing.

  14. Ego

    November 4, 2017 at 9:05 am

    I’m aghast at the ignorant comments above. These are the same women that would be carrying the feminists banner speaking g like backward illiterates on here.
    I bet you haven’t met an unmarried man in his 20s & 30s with serious issues. You speak from a dingle experience and tak all unmarried men 40 & above as mentally unstable or having serious issues. And tomorrow you’ll come out and cry that society puts pressure on women to get married by a certain age.
    What if the man just hasn’t found the right woman? What if he was not interested in getting married till his 40s,? Is there a law that states a man must get married before he turns 40?
    This is why our society remains backwards. We just can’t let people be; we want to force everyone to conform to our and unrealistic fake ideals.

  15. Frankteacher

    November 4, 2017 at 9:33 am

    Hello
    Women have also made men feel the list is long and we havebto meet up.
    Can I provide security enough for the woman, and schoolfees for my kids? So I wait till i can
    …@50

  16. That African Chic

    November 4, 2017 at 10:30 am

    So you are going to Dubai in 9 days but aren’t sure? That’s sounds strange because all arrangements should have been made by then. Just point out the inconsistency
    Now on the article, Any age is marriageable

    • Weezy

      November 4, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      LMAO. And how is she affording this impromptu Dubai trip too.

    • R&B

      November 4, 2017 at 6:24 pm

      Do you people realise that it may not be Nkem’s story she tabled before you? It could be fiction or someone else’s story.

    • Bobby

      November 5, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Smh. Visa can be processed in 2 days and ticket can be bought over the counter. Does it still sound strange?? Smh

  17. Honestina

    November 4, 2017 at 10:31 am

    …john, where are you??

  18. nene

    November 4, 2017 at 10:47 am

    if a man has everything going for him and is unmarried at 40, there’s something wrong somewhere. For women, it’s slightly different, though there are women with the same issues.

    • Anonymous

      November 4, 2017 at 11:10 am

      Idiocy expressed from your false understanding of the human male gender.

    • Ashley

      November 6, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      How and what is slightly different for women? Can you explain this more?

  19. john

    November 4, 2017 at 10:58 am

    @honestina I dey my sister….I just dey read una comments with the usual hypocrisy and goal post shifting…and u wonder why women are not taking seriously…logic=0….I do not normally comment on nkem article or cici eze bcos I don’t like women that normally project their insecurities and issues on men bla bla or men this and that… this is why sometimes I am aganst the gay laws in this country bcos I have a feeling Nkem Ndem and cici- eze whould have made a nice lesbian couple living and sleeping together happily in their own home with their adopted children and cats …Instead of wasting their energy lamenting and writing articles about men..any way wishing Nkem and her girlfriends(wink???) a happy holiday in dubai (if it is true) but be careful their laws are more stricter than Nigerian laws..if u get my drift

    • Anonymous

      November 4, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      Confessions of a standard Nigerian woman that is never happy without a man. Yet, they find an issue with all forms of men.

      The greatest goal of most Nigerian women is to achieve the Masters in Residential Studies (Mrs). Unfortunately when this life goal seems far away, the male gender bears the brunt of their frustrated rantings.

  20. Lilo

    November 4, 2017 at 11:00 am

    40 and up never been married or no baby mama is a red flag. Run dear. Those kind of guys are usually very problematic

    • anonymous

      November 4, 2017 at 11:20 am

      35 year old and above female, unmarried or single mother. Red flag. Men, run away immediately. Don’t go near them with a barge pole.

      Everyone should play the stupid stereotype game.

  21. John

    November 4, 2017 at 11:38 am

    @honestina I dey my sister….I just dey read una comments with the usual hypocrisy and goal post shifting…and u wonder why women are not taking seriously…logic=0….I do not normally comment on nkem article or cici eze bcos I don’t like women that normally project their insecurities and issues on men bla bla or men this and that… this is why sometimes I am aganst the gay laws in this country bcos I have a feeling Nkem Ndem and cici- eze whould have made a nice lesbian couple living and sleeping together happily in their own home with their adopted children and cats …Instead of wasting their energy lamenting and writing articles about men..any way wishing Nkem and her girlfriends(wink???) a happy holiday in dubai (if it is true) but be careful their laws are more stricter than Nigerian laws..if u get my drift

    • Puzzles

      November 4, 2017 at 5:57 pm

      Did you even READ the article? Nkem doesn’t agree with majority of the comments. She simply responded to what her mum said. Ha ba guy!

  22. Tasmea

    November 4, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    I call bullshit on this one! The same must also apply to older unmarried women. Life has a way of slapping people upside down and down again. You can’t use your journey in life as a yardstick for others. This rubbish can be applied to everybody else then. Don’t marry a single mom, don’t marry a divorced, don’t marry any woman above 35, don’t marry a career woman, don’t marry an Hausa or Igbo or Yoruba. Nonsense, nonsense and nonsense. Some people get their acts together later in life, some people become financially stable later, some people have really long term relationships that never end in marriage. Marry anybody of any age as long as you have dated the person and you’re satisfied with what you see. You should be careful when painting people with the same brush. There are a lot of unmarried 50 year old men that are just thinking of settling and nothing is wrong with. There are plenty of married men that are totally insane, sick and brutal ask their Mrs or I die wives in secret, they would open up! Something a lot of Nigerian women can relate to. BN post my comment please or fix your site!

  23. ***

    November 4, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    Okay the new standard for men is marriage before 40 … is the standard for women still before 30? Bellanaija you may need your commenters to take a compulsory IQ test before typing anything for public consumption … the views of nene, Martha ako and the first commenter @me are the most ridiculous

    • john

      November 4, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      @*** one thing I love about women is not actually thier stupidity and fush brains ..It is their ability to shot themselves in the foot over and over again..Lack of logic and sound reasoning…short sightedness..easy to manipulate and bend to your will..treat them like trash and they will still keep coming back in way or the other …..There is a reaso many men don’t like having a conversation with women..Most of the things s that come out of their mouth will give u headache..no wonder Female intelligence is highly celebrated because it’s rare. Most only have boobs and ass to offer which can replaced anytime

      I urge all Nigerian women to do this: Look in the mirror, ask yourself this – ‘Apart from sex and child birth( even that can be gotten by other means now),what else or unique thing can I offer a man or society”

  24. Seriously1

    November 4, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    Perhaps your mum doesnt want you to get married after all. She complained about you being a cougar, then said this guy is too old for you. No one would be good enough for you at the rate you are going. I suggest you follow your instincts by dating the guy. A friend of mine was in a similar situation with her mum nagging about getting married , yet no man was good enough for her. She decided to go with her heart by secretly dating the guy and sealed the engagement deal before informing her mom. It was too late for her to find fault in him. Fast forward, she is happily married and going on 4 years strong with mom bragging to her friends that her daughter is happily married.

  25. Papacy

    November 4, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    Oh dear, the obvious hypocrisy and tunnel visioned thinking in some of the comments above me. Haba! Was George Clooney ever married before he met Amal? If the same George Clooney approached most women they will eat him up, grey hair and all. See the few of us really putting in effort to have a balanced view on gender issues, reading these comments, i’m weak.

    • Livie

      November 4, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      Actually George Clooney was married back in 1989, got divorced in the early 90’s. His marriage to Amal is his second.

    • Adey

      November 4, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      George was a divorcee, and a long time bachelor before he meet and marry his new wife. His reason for marrying can be called in to question. He has a political ambition and as in my society, it will not speak well to have a play boy image in congress besides he will not be taking seriously if he does not have what society called a stable family home.

    • Weezy

      November 4, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      Actually, you’ve contradicted yourself. George Clooney was a confirmed bachelor throughout his 30s and 40s who was known to not care about marriage. You’re kind of making the commenters point that if he was unmarried at 50, it was because he wasn’t LOOKING before 50. It is completely logical to wonder why.

  26. Mystic

    November 4, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    A successful marriage is not guaranteed by age. Every choice in this life has a consequence. Just go for the one you can live with. Your mum has had her say but the choice is yours.

  27. Adey

    November 4, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    Age is just not a number, even though you can not help who you fall inlove with. However, statistics has shown that not only do women aged quickly than men, they (women) are more wiser than men. British medical journal articles stated that a woman of 25years of age has the same intelligence as that of a 40 years old man. Women are naturally nurturer and by virtue of being who they are can multi-task and held it together more than men.
    I am a mother of both men and women. I will not be too happy if one of my daughter’s marry a man who is 20 years older, simply because of generational gap. I think 10 years is about enough. Also would not tolerate any of my son’s marrying a woman that is older than them. It would simply be wrong. Even though I live in a society where everything goes, I will still have problem with this in regards to my children marrying above a scope of what it is stated above. Please people this is just my thought.

  28. BALANCE

    November 4, 2017 at 4:24 pm

    Thank goodness, the views of the girls here isn’t a reflection of the mentality of all Nigerian women…cos this will be another reason to remain single even beyond 50.

    What’s a man to do when lots of girls these days are just a sorry story when one sits down with them? We got to keep trying….better to wait and hopefully get it right than marry b4 or @40 to please ‘poor mentality’ society, and end up with 1 aggressive woman who constantly struggles to act like a man cos she thinks being feminine is old fashioned. Next, she drags the poor man all over social media, screaming some unverifiable domestic violence BS, inviting sympathy from many unthinking quarters.

    There is no competition btw men and women. The madness created by lesbians under the cover of 3rd wave feminism is disgusting; a shame many cant see it for what it is.. But why will they? Brainless earthworms….

  29. BALANCE

    November 4, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    BN this is for you. You didnt post my views probably bcos U moderator was affected by my comment abi? Well u read it, and atleast swallowed the bitter pill of truth alone. You guys are part of the prob, so i am very happy to send this your way, for your eyes alone, you lesbians hijacking feminism and turning it into a 3rd wave BS targeting men, are part of the reasons men prefer to waaaaaaaaaait till they find real women!

    Thank goodness the views of most girls here isnt a reflection of the views of all women, otherwise guys will be better off staying single.

    • Yellowchilli

      November 5, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      It’s not biko. ..sm of us just wants a man who we connect with, has a good heart n adores us regardless of d age.

  30. [email protected]

    November 4, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    I find most of the comments here quite disappointing. I understand her mum’s reservations because at least she’s from an older generation. But one would think younger people would be more open-minded. I’m 29 and currently dating a 43 year old man who’s never been married. And to be honest, this can only be described as my ‘best’ relationship so far. Granted he has two children, but if he didn’t have any it wouldn’t make me reconsider. When we first met, I didn’t know his exact age and I’m glad things played out that way. Because before him, my self-imposed maximum age difference was 10 years. When we are together, it never feels like I’m with this ‘much older man’. He’s honestly the kindest, most caring and emotionally mature man I’ve ever dated. He always wanted to be married and had been in a long term relationship & engaged once before but it didn’t work out. With me he’s a hundred percent sure, unlike young men who’ll string you along-he knows exactly what he wants.
    Anyway, to the writer I hope you give this man a chance if you guys ever go past a platonic friendship to something deeper. Don’t be discouraged by your mum or any other person. The truth is, people who have high standards (and really believe in doing this marriage thing once) usually take longer to get married-he probably just hasn’t met the one yet!

    P.S.: Not sure if it’s important to state this, but my boyfriend is not Nigerian-so maybe the stereotypes associated with unmarried,older Nigerian men may not apply to him. Especially because he’s from a society that doesn’t see marriage as a do-or-die affair like we do here.

    • [email protected]

      November 4, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Oh, I forgot to add this: Not everyone wants to get married! He might be older and unmarried by choice. Equally important: not everyone wants children! Sure, people could change their minds later in life (they might even meet someone who influences this decision). So please being older/unmarried/childless doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you-and this goes for men and women.

    • Weezy

      November 4, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      The article and comments are very clear that the concern is about Nigerian men over 40 who were never married, never engaged, and never had children. While I don’t subscribe to the view that such a man is damaged, its silly to talk as if your own man is what they are describing. If your guy has two kids and has been engaged before and always wanted to be married, and he is not Nigerian, clearly they are not talking about him!

    • Ada

      November 6, 2017 at 10:56 pm

      Are we dating the same guy? This sounds like my man. 43 years old, two kid’s, never been married and not Nigerian. Lol

  31. M

    November 4, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Just hear the majority of BS here. Easy to see and understand why lots people are in misery and why any high maintainance person would stay 40 or 50 without marriage to get it with the right person. Hear yourselves. DA F**k!! Thank God I just do me and not the BS Nigerian society forces on you.

  32. [email protected]

    November 5, 2017 at 12:03 am

    @ Weezy:
    The article is about an unmarried 50 year old man. We don’t know his history. The comments expanded the concern to include a lack of kids. Regarding his nationality, that was why I added a postscript. So yeah, your comment is actually the unnecessary one.

  33. Criss cross

    November 5, 2017 at 11:56 am

    Hmmmm.This is a tough call & i dont know if im “qualified” to comment here bcoz im a single 51yr old man.(Divorced & a father of one to boot!!)Heck,lets do this!
    Ive seen a LOT in relationships & marriage and can safely tell you folks that there is NO BLANKET RULE that covers every situation.A guy could have a terrible relationship with one woman and find PERFECT PEACE with another.And vice versa.Age only becomes an important factor IF YOU ALLOW it.
    Life is fleeting and very few people will actually meet or marry their “perfect match”.Getting a man u care about to that point where he even CONSIDERS proposing to you is a HUGE SPIRITUAL VICTORY many people know nothing about.Your parents,pals etc wont live with this man.You will.So if your fears are grounded on your doubts about his integrity/character then you need to tread with caution.But if they are founded on what “society” will say/think, regarding the age gap you may wanna ask that same society to provide an alternative who will pop the question rightaway too..
    We all know a lot of mature single women who regret having lived their lives to please family/society.Especially when they notice “THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY” in the arms of that girl who saw a good man for who he was.And GRABBED HIM!!
    Word of caution:If he is “clinically insecure”PULL OUT!!And that applies to men of ALL AGES(20-90)Recipe for disaster.You all know the tell-signs!LOL!!!
    Hope this helps someone out there.

  34. Joan

    November 5, 2017 at 4:03 pm

    This is pretty crazy. I’m mid 20s and dating a 51year old man. Yes hes been married before, yes he has a kid, yes he is Nigerian. The problem with our relationship is the society. Sadly no mother wants her daughter to be married to a man that much older and out of respect for our parents and the longing to have them bless our marriages we tend to “listen” to their concerns about potential spouses. The truth is you and your spouse alone are in the relationship and as long as youre happy in the relationship, nothing else should matter. We need to get rid of crazy stereotypes in Nigeria concerning age differences in dating and let people be happy without judging who’s making them happy!

  35. **Porsche**

    November 5, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Nigerians and their logics! I am a 37 year woman and earlier in the year, at 36 met a 49 year old man who’s now turned 50. To be honest, I was rather hesitant but he was a good man who was loving, respectful and as expected, mature. He’s never been married before, no children and his explanations were both plausible and relatable – I’m unmarried simply because I just haven’t found the one not because something is wrong with me or my character – in fact I’m a complete package – yes I said so – too mature these day to be modest *side-eye*

    Regrettably though, I called it off only because I struggled to find him physically attractive and/or to fall in love. Although he didn’t look his age – he looked much younger… I gave it a shot though and by week two of dating, he told me clearly – that he wanted to marry me and that as soon as he was sure I wanted the same, he would propose. To cut the long story short, I was taken to a number of jewellers and every time that happened, I freaked out – in ways that reinforced my feelings of not wanting to be with him. Sad but I have zero regret. Thank God my mother understands that certain ingredients are important for a marriage to have peace (and/or to succeed); and thank God I don’t reside in Nigeria where I hear single women are terribly disrespected! I’d rather stay single than marry to please society. My only concerns are my biological clock and being an only child of my mother.

    My search for “the one” continues…

    • Las

      November 6, 2017 at 12:01 pm

      Porsche – If you please, I am really curious to know if it was just the absence of physical attraction or something more intrinsic, you know like a gut feeling he wasn’t the one or fear that you would discover a coma about him later?

  36. [email protected]

    November 7, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    @ Ada
    Lmao! Wow, what a crazy coincidence! Please where’s your guy from?! ?

  37. anon

    November 11, 2017 at 12:06 am

    Nigeria is a patriarchal society. The decision to marry tend to be one made by men. So when a 50 yo man in Nigeria has never been married, i cant help but wonder if that is because he doesn’t want to be married. Or perhaps he wants to be married but has unrealistic expectation on marriage or spouse (might be seeking a perfect setting).

    Yes there are exceptions but you should at least ask yourself and him the question so you know how to proceed.

    Personally, based on the brief write up, you sound so young and I cant help but wonder if you can deal with him long term. I have seen people do it and it becomes too tedious. Both couple are unable to spend quality time with each others friends.

  38. Oluwadamilare

    January 26, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    I’d say that it’s time we call quits to conforming to societal standards. Anyone should be free to paddle his / her boat to wherever. Meanwhile, I once dated a girl older by few months. She never noticed . She never thought about it. Just feel free to enjoy life

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