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Toochi Ugoala: Effeminate Divinity

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An effeminate man is simply a man that behaves like a woman. His gestures, body carriage and mannerisms are usually feminine in nature. The stigma attached to being effeminate, especially in countries like ours, is endless. But that is not what we are talking about today. We are talking about how insult on an effeminate man is simply an insult on us all. Stay with me and I’m going to bless you.

Let’s start with the men.

It’s not unusual to hear men say things like “Why is he behaving like a woman?” “This one no be man o” to effeminate men.

In more violent cases, effeminate men are banned from gatherings of men because they are not man enough or in countries like my Nigeria, they are accused of being gay, beaten and most times, lynched. They are perceived as lesser, weaker and below manhood.

Before you say this is not true, ask yourself why you are disgusted by effeminate men. The answer will tilt towards because they behave like women. Which brings us back a full 360 degrees to patriarchy and the belief that a man is to act like a man (whatever that means) and not like a woman.

If you still insist that it is not patriarchy, then please tell me why you prefer hanging out with a tomboy than a sissy. I’d tell you the reason you might not want to admit. Its because a tomboy is seen as an upgrade on femininity while a sissy is seen as a downgrade on masculinity.

It’s a simple, but bitter truth. That’s why you would hear men say things like “Omo, I too like that babe. She too tough, she no dey do like woman at all”. If it’s okay for a woman to be butch, why is it not okay for a man to be feminine?

For the women.

I can absolve men for bashing effeminate men, but I never will understand the women that do. What exactly is your reason? Oh I know. Because a man is supposed to be tough and butch and buff and strong ‘like a man’,  while a woman is supposed to be less of these? Because a woman who is all of the above is too much woman, almost a man, and that is okay.

Who is taking the greater piss? It’s you ladies. Because if you understood the power of being feminine, this power that creates and nourishes life (practically, everything a baby needs for survival from conception to birth and after birth, it gets from the mother), this power that destructs and rebuilds (your menstrual cycle), this feminine force that is so powerful,  that nature itself is called a woman – mother earth.

If you understood this power, then you would understand that an effeminate man is an upgrade on masculinity and not something to be looked down on with scorn.

So, next time you, as a woman are about to say “Why that one dey do like woman, e no dey shame?” please, realize that the greater shame, joke and insult, lies on you for thinking your femininity is so belittling that it should not be adopted by a man.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Gstockstudio1

9 Comments

  1. Akara Pancake

    December 5, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    Some of these “effeminate” men are also shunned by women who would never date them, and go as far as to castigate other women who do.

    I know a certain “effeminate” male make-up artiste who got engaged some years ago to this beautiful woman. In the weeks prior to their marriage, certain “anonymous” females called his bride-to-be and tried to convince her not to go ahead with it.

    • ISeeYou

      December 5, 2017 at 5:01 pm

      Uncle Segun, how market??

    • californiabawlar

      December 5, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Lmaoo! Bros this one na fabu o! The gist would have been better if you said her family made her change her mind… but friends?? psccchew! Never in the history of femaledom. Sistahs be dropping all their friends for common boyfren ambeletase fiance… shii my friends can’t even convince me to stop TEXTING a dude that’s obviously no good for me, much less break off a WHOLE engagement.

  2. Asa

    December 5, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    “I can absolve men for bashing effeminate men, but I never will understand the women that do. What exactly is your reason? Oh I know. Because a man is supposed to be tough and butch and buff and strong ‘like a man’, while a woman is supposed to be less of these? Because a woman who is all of the above is too much woman, almost a man, and that is okay.”

    Ah?! Sorry o, no vex. E come be like say you dey vex for us dey shout at us. Honestly, I would have wanted to read the article with none of the accusatory lines in it like the one above. Just matched the word effeminate with a meaning. I would like to know what makes a man effeminate. I also wonder if male and female mannerisms are our construct instead of natural.

  3. Californiabawlar

    December 5, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    Lol… you will absolve men but not women? So on a post about men, you found a way to dump ALL the blame on women? Well done. Your head correct pass the Shomolu thrift-collector ????
    smh… if to say I get time I for continue reading after that… but not today satan.

  4. Chu

    December 5, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    I understand where you were going but why not just end at understanding an effeminate man rather than make it another war of the sexes, you don’t want an effeminate man to be seen as less than a man but rather an upgrade of a man? Why can’t he just be who he is, an effeminate man, why try to grade his level of masculinity, you did what you are trying to condemn in a round about way.

  5. Rosie

    December 5, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    “Who is taking the greater piss? It’s you ladies. Because if you understood the power of being feminine, this power that creates and nourishes life (practically, everything a baby needs for survival from conception to birth and after birth, it gets from the mother), this power that destructs and rebuilds (your menstrual cycle), this feminine force that is so powerful, that nature itself is called a woman – mother earth.

    If you understood this power, then you would understand that an effeminate man is an upgrade on masculinity and not something to be looked down on with scorn.”

    So an effeminate man is some kinda extra super man? One with the power of mother earth? Osheey! Now I’m picturing a powerful Black Panther but with swinging hips.

  6. Alterego

    December 5, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    Accusatory, and the ideas seem to be going everywhere and nowhere. Uncle, if you are effeminate, do you, boo. Don’t start laying it on the women to take blame for how you feel. If you wanna wear lipstick, do it. Just stop being so defensive about it. Abeg.

    • Sisi

      December 5, 2017 at 11:56 pm

      Imagine. Guy should kam dan now, sounds super defensive. You’ll be ok last last

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