Hi guys, BN Confession Box is a feature on BellaNaija – curated by Nkem Ndem.
The Confession Box is our virtual confessor’s box where BellaNaijarians can let loose and say their deepest and rawest fears.
These letters are from you, and we’ll ensure that your identity is protected. Everybody needs some form of outlet or the other.
Maybe there is nothing big about my confession, women get pregnant for other men and have children for other men that are not their husbands all the time, but this is eating me up inside. I think it is really bad because I have involved the name of God in it all.
I will start from the beginning.
When my husband and I first got married, we had issues having children. At first, I thought it was from me due to several abortions I had in the past, but after several tests, we found out abroad that the problem was from him. He has something they referred to as klinefelter’s syndrome. He can have a normal sex life but can only make little or no sperm.
When we got the information, he begged me not to leave him and I told him I will not. He is very caring. He brought my family out of poverty. He gives me everything I open my mouth and ask, and my life is secure with him. I insisted that I am okay with him and I love him like that, even without children. So as Christians we refused to adopt, we decided to have faith that God will intervene.
I was having faith for real until late last year when I started to bond with a guy in our prayer unit in church. We started as prayer partners and from there we became emotional and intimacy followed. He is married, I am married and we both cannot leave our partners, so we decided to keep it on the low. As God will have it, I found out just a few months after we began being intimate that I was pregnant. It is a miracle, but I am also scared. My mind tells me that the baby belongs to my lover… but what if God had done a miracle and the baby is really for my husband instead?
I broke the news to my husband last night and he cried all through the night like a baby. He made some vows to God in gratitude. He trusts me and does not suspect anything. We agreed that the Lord has blessed us, but my fear now is that this baby will come out looking very different. My husband is dark, my lover is fair. And my husband knows this my lover and my church bestie. What if he sees resemblance? I don’t even know what to think. Should I be afraid that I may be lying against the Lord, or that the baby is not my husband’s baby and he will one day find out…or should I just seal my lips and rejoice over the bundle of joy that God is about to bring into the life of my husband and I after 6 years?
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