Oluwasanmi & Abigail Talk to Us About Navigating Life As a Couple in the UK

Editor’s note: If you have been on social media lately and following conversations about relocation and marriage, you must have noticed a trend where people come online to share how relocation is taking a toll on marriages, and how their friends (families, or someone they know) are having one marital issue or another due to relocation.   

Conversations around japa have garnered diverse narratives. People advise you to have your person before you relocate as it can get very lonely over there. In the same vein, they are having conversations about the impact of japa, new environment and culture on marriages. 

We understand that navigating a new country as a couple can be tough, which is why we’re inviting couples to share their experiences, comparing life in Nigeria versus the country they now reside in. In this 2-part series, we explore issues of love, marriage and japa. Last week, we spoke to Praise and Oluwaseyi Ogunnowo who got married in 2020 and relocated to the Netherlands in 2022. Now, we’re in conversation with Oluwasanmi and Abigail who got married in 2022 and relocated the same year to the UK.

Hi, BellaNaija.

Did you get married here in Nigeria before relocating, and for how long?

Abigail: Yes, our marriage was in the first year before we relocated from Nigeria.

That’s awesome. What country?

Oluwasanmi: United Kingdom. We have been here for a year and some months.

How did you run your home before leaving?

Oluwasanmi: Before leaving Nigeria, I was responsible for the bills and my wife contributed a good percentage of her income towards our savings for the relocation.

Abigail: We both were working, and both did chores. Like he said, my husband was solely responsible for the bills while a major part of my income was being saved.

How has the process of relocating abroad impacted your relationship? 

Oluwasanmi: I will say relocating abroad hasn’t negatively impacted our relationship. Before leaving Nigeria, we had open discussions and set clear expectations for the journey ahead. This helped us in aligning our purpose and expectations. We have known ourselves for over 7 years, so communication wasn’t a problem for us. Of course, we don’t have to agree on everything, but we have learnt that compromise is the real factor in the journey. One notable difference is the cultural shift regarding financial responsibilities. Here, bills are shared, and each individual takes responsibility for managing the home. This differs from many relationships in Nigeria. Additionally, for almost everything here, you will have to pay, haha. In Naija, there are things you will get free and even get done free because of relationships. It is completely a different ball game right here. For every service, you must pay.

Abigail: It has only made it better. For me, there wasn’t particularly anything that was a culture shock but, of course, we had a few challenges which we solved together.

Tell us about one remarkable change you had to make in your relationship, Oluwasanmi

Oluwasanmi: The direct answer to this will be when we were preparing for our baby. At that time, I had to do most of the house chores. And because it was a time while we were moving home, I was combining getting things for the house, doing house chores and working. It was quite challenging, and to be honest, if we were in Nigeria, I would have many people to run some of the errands for us. Here, such help is not available, and even if it is, you will pay for it.

Did your new environment change your marriage in any way, Abigail?

Abigail: We have continued the exact way we ran our home in Nigeria. It works for us and we don’t intend to change it yet. This time, each person just has to put in a little more work

What principles or values have guided your marriage and relationship in a new environment?

Oluwasanmi: First is understanding. Before getting here, we knew we were going to a new place and also starting a new life. We had a clear understanding that it won’t be rosy or comfortable at the beginning. The second is that we had a thorough discussion before we embarked on the journey. We already decided on our finances before we left – your income is mine, mine is yours, and ours is for the home.

Abigail: Relocating puts a strain on relationships because not everyone has the luxury of having things work out the same way they did in Nigeria. However, one principle that has helped me particularly is understanding my partner, knowing he cannot deliberately hurt me. Also, communication is important as we have different but unique thought patterns, letting each other know what we are thinking about at each point. People will always have things to say about your partner, never listen.

Do you have any advice for couples planning to relocate?

Oluwasanmi: Discuss, discuss, and discuss again. Of course, many things won’t happen as expected, but the agreement you reached in your discussion will guide you through. The grass may not be greener on the other side, but you can water it to be greener for you. Above all, pray and trust God.

Abigail: Have a working plan before relocating, and ensure each party is committed to it and on the same page before setting sail. Be patient, kind and considerate to one another. Above all, put God first if you believe in him.

Thank you, Oluwasanmi and Abigail

Oluwasanmi and Abigail: Thank you for having us.