Sinmiloluwa Omole: What Happens If I Don’t Get Married?

Society often teaches us that marriage is the ultimate reward for good girls. But what if the true reward lies in becoming a person who thrives and leaves a lasting legacy, with or without a spouse? What happens if I don’t get married? What else could I become?

I can be a genuinely good person and make a positive impact on my world. After all, what am I here for in the first place? Many women have put their lives on hold and have felt ashamed or pressured for not being married by a certain age. They often stop caring for themselves and don’t pursue their dreams. This is because we’ve been led to believe that a woman’s accomplishments mean little if she doesn’t have a man in her life. I strongly disagree with this notion.

Indeed, life is not meant to be lived alone, and that is why being a genuinely good human who impacts the world often invites you to people and experiences to be thankful for.

Beyond being a good person, if the money is available, I’d travel the world. This is something I’ve always desired to do right from childhood. It was so intense that as a teenager, I was already thinking about how I’d shuttle my children alongside my travels. Would they be changing schools every time we moved to another country? Back then, I didn’t know how I was going to handle raising children while travelling. May I be blessed, I would travel the world to see most of God’s green earth and the architectural designs humans created in it.

If I were not married, I would plan my pension, retirement and possibly even my funeral in advance. It’s essential to manage my life in a way that prevents me from becoming a burden to my family or support systems. I want to earn enough to set aside wealth so that I don’t have to work when I should be enjoying my retirement. Additionally, I want to prepare for future inevitabilities and ensure that my wishes are carried out through corporate and individual trustees. Being financially secure will resolve many challenges I might face as an unmarried person.

I know I’m not the only unmarried person with these values; I will seek out my community. Others who share my perspective and appreciate companionship on their journey, just as I would value theirs. Together, we can create and strengthen support systems with those who understand our experiences and are relatable.

If you come from a family or a church that makes your marital status feel uncomfortable, finding your community can connect you with others facing the same challenges. You can share laughs and find the support you need. I admire what the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York does; they provide communities for different age groups, like thirty-somethings and forty-somethings, with their own gatherings. This is what “Don’t do life alone” truly means for the unmarried.

By the way, I’ve chosen not to use the word “single” because being unmarried doesn’t imply that you are alone when you have a support group.

I once asked someone what they would do if they didn’t marry. She said, “If I don’t get married, the sun will still shine, the birds will still sing, and life will go on.” I couldn’t agree more. Life will always go on.

Marriage is beautiful, but it is not the only thing that makes life meaningful. I am open to it, but I’m not desperate for it. I will not lower my standards for the life I desire. Whether married or not, I have decided to live fully and enjoy being present in this adventurous life.

The honest reality is that not everyone will get married in life. You need to face this truth. Sometimes it is not a curse; you are not demonic. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is simply life, with its mixed offerings. Choose to write your life’s narrative with purpose, passion and resilience. Make the most of your journey while looking forward to your destination.

In life, our paths differ. I may be walking the road less travelled, but I’m not convinced that I’m missing out on anything meant for me. If life has handed me this path, you can be sure that I will walk it with purpose, grace and style. You should, too.

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