With(out) This Ring…

Today, I was glued to the television during the live broadcast of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding extravaganza. Finally, all the meticulously planned details came together in full view. While most people might remain transfixed on Kate’s wedding gown or the inevitable reminiscence of Princess Diana, I certainly observed Prince William’s wedding ring or should I say, lack thereof because, William has communicated that he will not be wearing a wedding band when married.

William is not the first man to abstain from wearing his wedding ring after saying “I do”. But in my book, Kate is the first woman informed prior to the wedding of her beau’s ring-ditching plans. The prince should be grateful to his lucky stars or cupid that Kate is fine with his plan. With new ‘royal’ routines to adapt to, a ring-less spouse could very well be the least of her concerns.

My friend, Cornelia* is not Kate. Neither is her husband, Charles*, in possession of the same lucky stars Prince William has.

The first time Cornelia and I went out together for an event, I noticed her ring finger was unembellished.

I said to her, “Madam, biko …please… where is your wedding ring? There are fishers of women everywhere.”

She smiled faintly and replied, “I just tell them I’m married. I don’t wear my wedding ring. You’ve never noticed?”

True, I had never noticed. We lived close to each other and met up only a few times prior to that day, typically when we teamed up to jog on weekday evenings or early Saturday mornings.

I shook my head in quick disapproval, “You don’t wear your ring because…?”

With an undaunted look, she confidently responded, “Because my husband does not wear his.”

Cornelia narrated the quite simple circumstance preceding her decision to go band-less.

A short while after Cornelia and Charles got married, Charles stopped wearing his wedding band. Cornelia questioned him about it and he said his ring was too tight. She went to retrieve it and asked him to try it on. He wore it and as you would imagine, it was anything but tight. She told me that Charles still tried to prove his point. Unconvinced, she took off her wedding bands, and told her husband to let her know when he decides to start living by example.

End of story.

Unlike Prince Williams, Charles certainly has the ‘omalicha no nonsense’ kind of cupid.

Compared to most (African) women, Cornelia is definitely audacious and women like her are far and in between. Clearly, she is not primarily defined by her dazzling bands, gems many are pressured to desire, eager to flaunt and yearn to upgrade at nearly all costs. To aptly describe Cornelia’s retaliatory measures, her husband’s actions simply gave her the permission to do likewise. In other words, she took off her own rings to stress a moral cue to the man she married.

But what’s in a ring anyway? Some would argue that it is merely a symbol of the love and commitment residing in the heart, not a representation of all that marriage entails. True. Obviously wearing your wedding band does not make you faithful, and ditching it certainly does not make you a runs-master. Interestingly, a friend of mine, Brandon, wears his wedding band but thinks it is actually more “dangerous” to because in comparison to his single days, he gets hit on a lot more now that he is married. My dear friend Bomi of the inspirational www.jollynotes.com thinks married folks are just better off wearing their wedding bands regardless. For starters, there is really nothing else to go by to identify who is taken and who is available. Surprisingly, at a farewell party I recently co-hosted, the biggest flirt there had his wedding band on and a pregnant wife at home. So no woman would say she didn’t know right? Sure.

Both sides, the band-less and band-wearing, whether male or female, have saints and sinners. Those who wear their bands only in the presence of their spouses should be the most feared.

I most certainly would prefer that my husband wears his wedding band when going out regardless of the presumed jeopardy wedding rings attract. Out of sheer consideration for my beloved, he is allowed to go band-less if he has an itchy rash or if he loses his ring finger altogether. If the ring is too tight, I’ll lovingly renew his gym membership. But seriously, if all else fails and he still comes up with illegitimate reasons to go band-less, I hope cupid will give him a hint of what is truly “dangerous”: an angry spouse.

So… do you really care if your spouse ditches the wedding ring?

61 Comments on With(out) This Ring…
  • cathy April 29, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    yay!!!!!!!1

  • Chibaby April 29, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    In church u dee wed and put the ring on as a symbol. Keep the symbol.

  • dewowo April 29, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    clap 4 cathy – ta ta tatata taaaaaaaaa!

  • brenda April 29, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    In many places in the world it is not “done” for a “man” to wear a wedding ring!! Get over it…… It is choice – I would not want my man to wear one and we both knew that from day one of the relationship – before we were married! [England]!

    • rolling my eyes April 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm

      England, really? God save the queen.

      • Encore May 4, 2011 at 1:15 pm

        LOL!!! Me likey!!!

    • DIVA May 3, 2011 at 10:08 am

      abegi…there’s no part of the world where wearing wedding bands is a taboo…in same breath u said its a choice…if u decide ur hubby wont wear his…kudos to u, u just gave the hawk eyed bitch an excuse to chase ur hubby with the legal excuse that she dint know his marital status….its a choice…let everyman decide….WEARING A WEDDING BAND IS GLOBAL…yeah…take note.

  • Temi April 29, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    I really dont think i’d mind…

  • Jayla April 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    It honestly doesn’t matter.

  • Uchechi April 29, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Well…guess its individual differences for those who want to go ‘band-less’ or otherwise. Preferably I would want my spouse to wear his wedding band all the time shikena!!!

  • Toksi April 29, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    I definitely care! i don’t understand Prince William’s reasons for not wearing his, BUT I would difinitely NOT accept my husband wearing his. A woman can throw herself at you with or without the ring, so WEAR the ring! NONSENSE!

  • bonny April 29, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    u try

  • Kathryn Cage April 29, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    What’s in a ring? A man will do what he wants to do regardless of that, so, who cares? certainly not me.

  • Ready April 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    The man said he just doesn’t like jewelry…he doesn’t even wear the family signet ring, but everyone would know he’s married though, so is there really a need?
    There is a difference between a popular figure whom everyone knows is married & the regular Joe whose wedding band is usually how people know if he’s married or not. I really don’t know what I would do in that instance, I mean…I’m not gonna not marry a man because he won’t wear a ring, but I’d like to know before time.

    • Nora April 29, 2011 at 11:26 pm

      my sentiments exactly

    • xadex April 30, 2011 at 1:41 am

      cosign

    • uche May 1, 2011 at 6:09 pm

      True talks, but its English tradition that royals dont wear wedding bands. Public figures in nigeria with wedding bands still carry women and hit on women sha !!

  • diko April 29, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    well, Kate did not, as part f her vows say to William ‘with this ring I thee wed’ and he had made it clear he would rather not wear a wedding band and Kate obviously is fine with his choice. Now to my ‘commoner’ husband, there simply is no excuse, if we made our vows with wedding rings, I def would not have you ditch it except for some serious medical reason.

  • timipiri April 29, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    seriously-ive been wondering allllll week what all the hype was about till i realized one of my friends was follwoing bigbrotherAfrica daily-waiting for Sunday!!!!

    her dress was boring;he shoudl have worn a wig and what was teh big deal about them kissing twice????goodness-they have been living toghether for years and obviously getting up no good(some good)under the sheets-lol.

    anyways-lets all pray thier marriage outlives that of Diana and Charles—-aMMMMMMEEEEENNN

    • PurpleiciousBabe April 29, 2011 at 9:13 pm

      I am with u on this one… I pray actually last with happiness ohh… hmm

  • msphareedah April 29, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Prince William doesn’t need a wedding to tell the ladies to keep off…The whole world knows he’s married

    • PurpleiciousBabe April 29, 2011 at 9:15 pm

      I beg to differ ohh… not all the world. some part of the world do not even know about England let alone the Royal entourage ohh… I watch alot of documentary it is a fact…

      Besides, time will tell

  • Meee April 29, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    I’m already planning my wedding….and My man already made it known to me he doesn’t like wearing rings….so he’s alternative he’s gonna tattoo his married finger with my name…lol…and he’s also gonna wear his wedding band as a chain……at least he told me before time…which works for me.

  • amore April 29, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Of course,lots of women will raise dusts if their husbands do not wear a wedding band but its possible that prince william might just be following tradition. kings,dukes,barons earls,counts as far back as 1700 do not wear wedding bands.they usually wed their brides with family heirlooms which does not include rings for the groom. just trying to say the Prince might just have reversed the trend

  • missmee April 29, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    @ready you read my mind lol

  • Tiki April 29, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I don’t think Prince William counts…if he doesn’t like jewelry and all, that should excuse him. However he’s lucky Kate didn’t make a (visible) fuss though…then again she probably knew for a while he wasn’t into jewelry. However, I’m sorry but my man shall wear his ring whether he wants it or not…if he has a rash, he will wear it on a chain around his neck! the only way he will get out of it is if he has an allergy to all metals…in which cse we shall switch to rubber bands. I just think there is something really comforting about a permanent, VISIBLE symbol of your love and commitment…True, it won’t always stop a cheating spouse from playing the field, but maybe once in a while when that spouse is about to fall off the wagon, they’ll catch sight of the ring and remember the partner who loves them, and maybe, just that once, they’ll stay on the fidelity wagon.

  • BC April 29, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    I really don’t care about the ring.It doesn’t mater much in the larger scheme of things.

  • Kaycee April 29, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Don’t really care about a ring cause a woman or man will do want we all fear our souses doing regardless. What is in a ring? Im sure if we were to chek out the history of how rings csme into play, it would be meaningless like the rest rest of the things we are finding out about today. It is socially constructed and bears no great mean to love. If it does, we would not mind the carat of the ring or in the case of an engagement ring the cut of the diamond.

  • PurpleiciousBabe April 29, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Personally, I would want us both to wear a wedding band… not because it is part of tradition but because there is so much meaning that comes with it for me. This is because I don’t see my wedding ring as a piece of ring, it is a symbol that represents the beginning of a new home and togetherness for myself and hubby.. it is a testimony to a fact that we made it to the alter and declared before God and Man to honour and respect each other and out of potential women and men… we chose to spend the rest of our lives together fulfilling the purpose of God and realising our dreams…

    A ring can say alot of about a marriage, it is an untold story that can hold a lot of memory, I will particularly want us to dedicate our wedding rings to God as a sign of togetherness, change in status, memories, blessings, and love. For someone that has emotional bond with most things (shame really, I actually pray on them for protection) a ring will definitely mean more than a symbol of tradition or just a peice of jewellery.. I cant even wear a random ring on my wedding finger, that is how much it is needs to be innocent… lol
    He should wear it because in it holds a powerful memory but because it is more than a piece of jewellery…

    I want it simple, gorgeous with our names inscribed in it.. How cool is that…
    Although, in reality wedding rings do not guaranty a successful or happy marriage… For me it will be more cos it is the code of God binding us together in his peace, love, joy, grace, blessings, testimonies etc… :)..

    That me for u… I live by faith not by sight…..

    • DIVA May 3, 2011 at 11:24 am

      you just spoke my mind and some in a nutshell!!!!!…I second that!!

    • Arewa June 18, 2011 at 3:58 am

      Very well written!. I completely agree with you!

  • gbeborun April 29, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    I think in the case of royals its a little bit different but as for ordinary couples if you like,they should both wear their rings,its a symbol of love and commitment to their union not that it matters too much but i would like to think that if you love someone enough to marry them then wearing a small piece of jewelry shouldn’t be problem.

  • omg April 29, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    nnem i mind hubby must wear his wring end of story.

  • Biggie girl’ April 30, 2011 at 12:06 am

    hmmmmmmm, ‘Wear the ring’, everyday!

  • dami O April 30, 2011 at 1:15 am

    same story my dad gave my mum that the band was too tight and mum wears his instead , i dont know what she has done to her band and yet it doesnt stop women coming to him and him having serials of gfs. I think it a big deal as the bands are being blessed by the man of God so i rather my hubby wears his, i better ask him now that he want to marry me i just pray he says he like wearing rings !!!

  • Obi April 30, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Mine told me from the start that he WOULD NOT … very emphatically too. I can’t stress about that. There are more important things to worry about. I tell him all the time that if a man decided to misbehave knowing fully well that he has a woman, then it is a testament of his own stupidity, ring or no ring. So since I was forewarned …
    It actually gives me leeway to change my ring as often as I desire since he doesn’t care much about it.

  • abbyluv April 30, 2011 at 7:28 am

    am rili indifferent abt it…..its rili nt a big deal cuz i dnt tnk i wud wear myn al d tym wen maryd…

  • funmi April 30, 2011 at 8:55 am

    A room-mate of mine who was always dating married men when we were in the university said she gets put off by men who wears their wedding ring. She prefer the men who forgets everything about their wife when they are in her closet. she said she feels guilty seeing the wedding band, as if the original owner of the man is peeping and that is a turnoff for her……so wedding bound do help to protect men from hawks

  • Timma April 30, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Married men should wear their wedding ring always, it comes with the territory

  • Bunmi April 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    It doesn’t matter to me. In my case, my husband is the one who is adamant on wearing his rings, but I can go without it or not as I feel that even if men come flocking (if I am so lucky), a simple explanation will suffice. IMO the ring is a symbol of what SHOULD be in the heart. There are so many people wearing the ring and cheating with it ON… On or off, it’s the heart that matters

  • NNENNE April 30, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Makes no difference to me. I don’t wear mine except on special occasions because I wash my hands a lot at work.My husband does not care. I am and will remain a faithful wife.

    • Tegan May 1, 2011 at 9:42 pm

      Yeah same here. I am a bit puzzled as to why it’s such a fuss. A ring is just that a ring. My husband and I know we are married. We don’t need a ring to remind us or to keep us in line.

      I rarely wear my ring. I work in an aeronautical company and often have to be on the shop floor. Along side with my safety shoes and safety glasses, jewelry simply isn’t encouraged.

      So I simply don’t wear it. It has never occurred to me to wonder if it was the right or wrong thing.

      My husband, also in an engineering company, rarely wears his ring as well. It’s totally not an issue for us.

  • twinkle April 30, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    My BF and I have had this conversation before, he hates jewelery so he wont be wearing our wedding after we get married instead he would wear it on his neck….I’d probably have to do the same…….

  • Africhic April 30, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    My friend’s husband was like this as well never wearing his ring and she stopped wearing hers. he was upset and she told him he needed to wear his if he wanted her to wear hers…….needless to say she got an upgrade on her ring and he wears his now.

  • Andrea April 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    It is true that men do flirt regardless of the fact that they have their wedding bands on. the truth however remains that i would rather have my husband put on his wedding band. “On or off, it’s is heart that really matters”: true talk, but he should respect the fact that i love having mine on and must definitely have an extremely good reason for wanting to keep his off.

  • El Bee May 1, 2011 at 4:21 am

    A wedding ring is not just a piece of jewelry abeg! My future husband will wear that ring around PROUDLY! Period.

  • boluwajolaoba May 1, 2011 at 5:03 am

    The princes of the royal family dont wear rings,if you watch the ceremony,thegiving of rings was for the bride alone,go back to charles and Diana,it was the same and it was explained by the commentator that princes dont wear ring.I am sure if they do the princes will gladly wear their bands

  • Miss A.T.L. May 1, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I’d rather have my future husband wear his wedding band. Why give your wife “unnecessary” cause to worry?

  • butterfly May 3, 2011 at 11:34 am

    i’m actually not sure if i’d mind. as long as he doesnt mind me not wearing mine.

  • Serene May 3, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    my fiance now husband had told me he wasn’t crazy about the idea of wearing ring, he believes that the commitment is in the heart and the action taken each day in the marriage to strengthen the love, respect and support between the couple. He relented and let me buy the wedding band. Fast forward a few months later, I had to take the wedding band to have it appraised, he didn’t want to take it off and as soon as I go home he was asking for it before I even got a chance to put my things down. He said he felt naked with it which I thought was quite sweet. Sha, to each his own. Because as has been said already, a ring will not stop a man or woman from stepping outside of the marriage, the ring is an outward symbol of what is supposed to be already etched in one’s heart but if it is not there then the ring is meaningless.

  • Serene May 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    he said he felt naked WITHOUT his ring…correcting my error:)

  • kike May 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    ditch ur ring,i ditch mine…Shikena!!!!!!

  • Yezzirrr May 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    A married man – i realised mine was too loose after we bought it and always said I will get it re-sized. Till date, its not been re-sized, it slides off in the shower (lol). Now i wear it on my right hand and Mrs aint complaining. I am not used to my ring at all, once i get home i take it off and i also forget it at home so often. Men with rings are like plagues…..no sensible girl should near a married man, leave him for his wife.

  • mee2 May 5, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    well the entire world knows prince william is married so he’s exempted but for every other man, there really is no excuse.

  • OK May 5, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    …a ring may not stop a man from looking outside his home, but its a symbol that he aint available, in case of predators (females).
    As long as my man is not prince harry….he has to wear his ring oh! i cant shout!

  • Lorenzo Menakaya May 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Faithfulness is the only wedding band that matters, take it or leave it… What difference does it make wearing a ring and still cheating. I have a friend doing same…

  • Tyna May 16, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    well personally i would prefer he wears his wedding ring same as me cos even with d ring, its doesn’t signify d luv i hav fr him becos if u measure its by d ring, it should b bigger than d ring,……………. d ring only signify we are married n d church also demand it…..

  • my day May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Most public places have large parking lots but the sign is clear: Cars are parked at owners’ risk. So also, married men are everywhere and that ring makes this announcement about the guy: ‘Taken! Proceed at your peril’ You dont have an excuse after seeing that band to still shamelessly spread out for a married man. If i, as an outraged wife catch you, everybody will justify my pulling out your hair and scratching out your eyes, because you saw as you ignored. As for the hubby…you know how we do back home. So that ring stays on for better for worse.

    • my day May 17, 2011 at 10:06 am

      Sorrry…i meant ‘you saw but you ignored’

  • kachi June 16, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    my hubby must wear his ring ooo,ah with all dos desperate ladies out there loookin for whom to devour?especially the ones that have searched and searched for their matched ribbs and yet could not find any would prefare to stick their lousy butty on our man……forget about trust now any thing can happen.

    to be sincere flimsy excuses from not wearing your rings frm both partners is allowed..seriously

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