You know how it seems everybody around you is getting married or is working towards the Nirvana called Marriage? Well, these bring bridal showers and all the little things people do to prepare the bride-to-be for this institution. Bridal showers can be fun if they’re properly planned and there are no hook ups! Anyway, at bridal showers, they have this segment where a bunch of women gather around, yes, single women included, to give advice to the new bride. “Don’t go to sleep while angry” / “Give him a blow job”/ “Make sure his food is hot”/ “Try to keep the sheets clean” / “Don’t tell outsiders what’s going on in your relationship”
I usually sit quietly whenever I go to such places because half the time I’m in deep contemplation and well, that last advice got me thinking. That particular advice struck me as curious. How does one draw the line between sitting in silence in your relationship and the ‘problem-shared-problem-half-solved’ theory? I mean, I understand the logic behind the advice because you don’t want Nosey Parkers in your relationship. However, I thought about the idea that you could be suffering in silence in that relationship and have absolutely nobody to talk to.
Let’s look at some tricky situations where one needs to determine when to break out of the cocoon called your relationship.
Situation 1: Wife’s initiation to sex isn’t honky-dory as it’s depicted in the movies. She believes sex sucks but quietly bides her time. It may get better. If it doesn’t? Well, maybe there’s something wrong with her, she thinks. Then it doesn’t. She begins to believe that sex is this really scary thing, or worse, this obligation she needs to fulfil in order to complete her marital rites. She’s terrified of the times hubby comes close to her. Who does she talk to? – Don’t tell outsiders what’s going on in your relationship!
Situation 2: Husband and wife have money troubles. Husband promises it’ll get better. Wife is apprehensive. The bills keep coming and the income isn’t covering half of the expenses. Both of them feel like they’re drowning and they just need someone to throw them a raft, a life boat, something, anything! But how? Don’t tell outsiders what’s going on in your relationship!
Situation 3: Husband is receiving a steady stream of verbal and physical abuse from wife. Husband is man of the house but for some reason he’s being subjugated by wife. He’s constantly being bullied and reminded of the fact that he’s a failure and not any more like brother-in-law who has a handle on things. Don’t you dare tell outsiders what’s going on in your relationship!
Sometimes, people have sought advice using aliases because they don’t want people to think little of them. Some people have remained in abusive relationships because they’ve had absolutely nobody to talk to.
What do you guys think? Do you agree that one should remain safely within the “cocoon” of one’s relationship? Do you agree that outsiders have no business knowing what’s going on in your relationship? Is there room for wise counsel? I heard someone say once that your pastor’s wife is the WORST person to go telling your marital/relationship problems because she’s going to share it with the entire Women’s Ministry.