Matrimonial Decree: “Thou Shalt Not Work”

Posted on Monday, July 1st, 2013 at 1:06 PM

By Kome Olori Agulonu

This week has been interesting indeed. I have had the pleasure of meeting some very talented and creative people. From photographers to stylists, to some really beautiful ladies; In fact, there has been no dull moment. I am planning a fashion photo shoot for my clothing/jewelry brand-Chunky jewels and for the last two weeks, I have had the most ridiculous conversations about body parts. I have suffered from ‘mental overload’ and insistently craved Chicken nuggets and milkshake.

Anyway, by Friday I could not take the craving anymore and ended up in McDonald’s with one of my fifty-something year old models. It was a ‘working lunch’ where we spent our time talking about everything except work! As we were stuffing our faces with all the non-healthy foods on the menu, I got a text from another model.

It read- I am sorry I can’t make it to the shoot because my husband doesn’t think modelling is something I should be doing! He says it is beneath me as his wife to be taking photos for a living!

It got worse- I don’t like it but I am married!

To be honest I was very sad. Firstly because I remembered how excited this lady had been when I saw her at the casting. She had a vivacious personality that within 10 minutes of meeting her, I was bowled over by her genuine grace and talent. She had beautiful fluid movements and a lovely smile that I could see she was born to be in front of a camera. I could not help but wonder why she had waited until after three kids (not that you would know from her unbelievably hot body), to follow her dream of modelling.

Secondly- (and this made me want to cry),  why would she give up her career simply because her husband had reservations about it? I mean I had heard of women who stopped work simply because their husbands or in-laws thought it was not a good idea for them to work. I have even heard of those who were given ultimatums to resign or move out of their homes but this case bothered me more than the others. It angered me that even though this woman had left Nigeria many years ago, her thinking hadn’t changed. She still did not see herself as her husband’s equal. Nor did she understand that she owed it to herself to try at least before giving up.

So what if she was married?  Does that make her any less of an individual? Does it mean she no longer has a right to her passions and dreams? Does marriage make a woman unable to think or decide for herself? I may have understood if she had said her husband had reservations about nude photographs or sexual shoots (not that this was going to be anything like it – as the brand is all about African fashion) but to just decree that she may not take part, was in my opinion insensitive.

Personally I believe that marriage is a partnership but when it comes to career, we all are the ‘CEO’s’ of our future. As long as your job doesn’t affect your family life (this applies to men as well) then it is okay to pursue it till the day you get tired. Does that mean I don’t think a man has a stake in his wife’s life? I do… as long as it’s both ways. What I have a problem with is when this is not the case plus the fact that many women (home and abroad) are living in bondage simply because they are married. I don’t see many women determining what jobs their husbands can or cannot do! I cannot even imagine any man rolling over and playing dead if his wife tried to tell him to quit his job. Can you?

Dear readers, do you think I am making an issue out of nothing? Do you think men should be in control of their wife’s career. Ladies, have you or anyone you know experienced a similar situation and how did you (they) handle it. What will you advice ladies who are presently facing such a situation at home.

Photo Credit: inspirationaltabloid.com
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and business analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, handmade, African inspired costume jewellery sold in the United Kingdom. You can follow her on twitter @komeolori or email her at komeolori@yahoo.com

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  • 119 Comments on “Matrimonial Decree: “Thou Shalt Not Work””

    Comments
    • Bellabells July 1, 2013 at 1:18 PM

      No, you are not making an issue of out nothing. Unfortunately, this is the African mentality. If the woman were to “defy” her husband and continue the modelling gig, she will be faulted by society if the marriage goes awry. Africa as a continent needs to do away with these archaic thinking. Women have passions and dreams which should not be cut short because they are in a marital union. We definitely need a strategic plan to eliminate such backward thinking.

      • Al July 1, 2013 at 3:18 PM

        To the writer, I am a married man and what I’ve got to say about this is ‘to each his own’. Clearly, you are not married yet…

        • slice July 1, 2013 at 4:41 PM

          your comment made sense till u added you condescending clearly you are not married yet comment. a comment that also turns out to be wrong. listen and learn. Marriage doesn’t mean you know it all. If your spouse is fulfilling what he/she believes to be their full potential, you are failing in marriage and just cause you’re married doesn’t mean you’re doing a good job of it

      • slice July 1, 2013 at 4:42 PM

        *if your spouse is not fulfilling>>>

    • Tinuade July 1, 2013 at 1:19 PM

      wives, submit to your husbands. Simples.

      • Abana July 1, 2013 at 3:17 PM

        The verse before that says “submit yourself one to another in the fear of God”. Its not only wives who have a submission duty. Spouses are meant to submit to each other. In fact the Message translation further says “The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing”. Is my husband showing how much he cherishes me by telling me NOT to do what I am passionate about? This bible we read is clear o, lets not get things twisted abeg.
        I would not get married to someone who would expect me to sacrifice my dreams and vision down the line. Such a person is a scavenger! No more no less. If you want a woman who has no passion or dream to accomplish anything in life, go and find her. Don’t marry a director or manager, or a highflyer and expect her to be a house wife in future. You are a dream snatcher, a common thief. THIS is my opinion. I am in a loving committed relationship and my significant other knows better than to truncate my destiny.

        • Tinuade July 1, 2013 at 6:45 PM

          This one is story jor. If you meet a man and he makes it clear about how wants certain things to be after you get married, if you go ahead and many him then all the best trying to explain the above.

        • I.c.o July 1, 2013 at 10:30 PM

          Can I ‘like’ this comment?

        • keturah228 July 2, 2013 at 8:37 AM

          i can boldly say “i love you for this comment” **no homo

        • tbn July 2, 2013 at 10:48 AM

          I like this comment. Gbam!

      • Awaiting Moderation July 2, 2013 at 2:29 AM

        You do know that Paul, who was a product of his patriarchal culture wrote that bible verse, right?

    • Berry Dakara July 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM

      A man shouldn’t be in control of his wife’s career or even life, for that matter. A husband is meant to LEAD not CONTROL. If it’s a decision they both discussed and came to an agreement to, then fine. But at the same time, it’s possible that she just wants to keep the peace in her home. It might not be that she’s under his control or is a weak woman.

      My two cents.

      http://berrydakara.blogspot.com

      • TallChica July 2, 2013 at 10:05 AM

        I keep hearing people talk about “peace in the home”. What exactly does this phrasing mean? I understand compromise, but compromise needs to go both ways. Abana said it best, so I’ll not rehash it much longer. I feel that a man secure in his manhood would encourage his wife to pursue her dreams and not hold her back. Family issues can require sacrifice from both parties, but it doesn’t seem like he’s asking her to defer her dreams because the kids are young and need their mother to raise them; rather, it seems like an issue of him controlling how his wife is perceived. Then you have all the haters her insinuating that the writer and other commenters are not married. Abeg, stop projecting your bondage on the rest of us who have experience what it is to have a supportive spouse who feels that your success is his success! Also, on the topic of brandishing the bible around, please people, read the passage on submission with open eyes. There is a clause that the man must fulfil in order for his wife to submit to him — he must LOVE her like CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH: selflessly, thoroughly, and with passion, with her best interest at heart. If the brother is not loving me like Christ loves me, ain’t no submission going to be happening! SMH

    • Retrochic July 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM

      this one na Big time feminist, 50 bucks say’s u r nt married and not in a rlship.

      • Amazeballs! July 1, 2013 at 1:51 PM

        Abeg abeg! i am married and i completely agree with the writer schewzzzz!

      • Me July 1, 2013 at 1:57 PM

        that is a very shallow comment right there! So what if she isn’t married, what has that got to do with anything???

      • ij July 1, 2013 at 2:13 PM

        na wa ,so because she has a feminist opinion means she is single and not in a relationship? like being a feminist means that you can’t appeal to any man abi? in any case , you owe her 50 bucks , she is sooooooooo married

      • Tiki July 1, 2013 at 2:56 PM

        If they take 50 bucks jam you with am you go know? Ignorance is such a disease.

      • TallChica July 2, 2013 at 10:09 AM

        Since when has “feminist” become a curse word? So a woman being concerned about her own well-being and fairness is now villified for it? What you fail to note is that the African feminist is not militant, she is strong. Men who fear such women –women who are grounded in the knowledge of their worth– are insecure, childish cowards.

      • tbn July 2, 2013 at 11:01 AM

        I like this comment. Gbam!
        I’ve been married for over 10yrs now and at the initial stage, my husband kind of hinted I didnt have to work, but i told him thats not possible, because i cant waste a law degree (which my parents suffered to pay for) by sitting down at home doing nothing. My mother worked during her time so why would i not work. Since then i went to law school and hold a masters degree as well. Now he’s the proudest husband ever. You need to hear him boast to his friends about his lawyer wife with a masters degree in law and about where I’ve worked and work… what can I say. He encourages me in my career. If i had agreed with him at the initial stage then i would have had a serious battle convincing him later that I want to work. Its all about choices and standing by your own beliefs. i personally dont see why a husband would stop his wife from earning money, what if tragedy strikes and the man dies? then what happens to her and her children? I am all for women empowerment all the time.

      • listening July 5, 2013 at 9:30 AM

        I am married and I completely agree with her. I , however feel sorry for you because you talk like you have never experienced the joy of “submitting” to a man who loves you like Christ loves the church and wants to see you grow and fulfill your God given purpose by constantly supporting you.

        He will never hold you back except he perceives it as harmful to you and he will explain his reasons with so much love and tenderness.

    • Will July 1, 2013 at 1:39 PM

      Choices! She is an adult, she made the best choice to accept her husbands request to keep her happy home (she could have done otherwise but she didn’t), yes she might not be modelling but have you considered that her husband may have offered to provide something else better for her to do in its place? Though his reasons might not be sensible to you but at least he knows he doesn’t have a “rogue” wife who will do as she pleases because of a personal desire, passion or agenda above the collective interest of the family. She could have gone ahead with you but… she didn’t. Choices.

    • Teris July 1, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      ohhh..kisskisskisskisskissskisses to the first 5, but most of all @Will.
      dear author, no be u wey go go pour sandsand for inside person garri. say ‘amen’.

      wen u hit that particular crossroad in your relationship and u share with us how u told ur significant other to- , we shall nod contemplatively from in front of our monitors/screens and wish u well most sincerely.

      my advice to all the single ladies: when scouring for a partner, as much as possible, find someone who is journeying in the direction u desire to go or just find someone u can manage. either way, it behoves every girl to determine early what she should be about this side of eternity.

    • mia July 1, 2013 at 2:12 PM

      hmm, it’s a serious matter. i have a friend whose dad’s family forbids their wives from working. infact, their family name connotes it, but her mother insisted that she can’t sit at home and waste her degree and be busy gossiping and waiting on a man all day. for me, i think it will really be unfair if the guy never mentioned it before they got married. if he did and she probably accepted or trivialised it, then na she know. i once dated a guy i didn’t really like his job, when we started having issues, i told him his job is one of our problems. he said he could not do anything about it, and we parted ways. i believe the greatest problems with marriages is expectations. if you expect the man/woman to do something or be something in the marriage, pls speak during courtship, agree about it or forever remain silent. my honest opinion.

      • Me July 1, 2013 at 2:31 PM

        gbam!

    • N July 1, 2013 at 2:12 PM

      retrochic……dont make assumptions..truth is the writer is very MARRIED!!!!

      • mrs. p July 1, 2013 at 7:47 PM

        If she’s married then she needs to focus on her own marriage!!!! Anyone other the husband and wife is a 3rd party to a marriage. No one is there when a guy is whispering sweet nothings to his wife on their marriage (and vice versa) so no one else’s opinion really counts. Writer- please, it’s none of any single individual ‘s business if any marriage other than their’s operates under a ‘thou shalt not work’ banner so yes, I believe you are making an issue out of nothing. Re: ladies dealing with this, we can’t advice you because we weren’t there when your husband proposed.

        I really dislike empty generalizations and debates framed as “Do you think men should be in control of their wife’s career?” Read that out aloud and see if it doesn’t sound like a pry 4 debate question!

        • mrs. p July 1, 2013 at 8:37 PM

          * other than…
          ** …marriage bed
          and by ‘single individual’, i mean ” no one individual”
          and finally, feminist is neither a married nor single woman debate… it really is about self determination, freedom and respect for the choices a woman makes- whether you agree with it or not. So if you are a lawyer, opinionated your husband loves you that way, yay for you! Some other woman have a different dynamic in their marriages, none of which is less valid for being a different approach to that you’ve taken…. this is from a woman who’s married, happens to be a lawyer, doesn’t particularly care for how a couple decides what works for them and lives in the same town as Mz Socially Akward(who spends waaay too much time commenting on BN!)

        • jenny July 2, 2013 at 8:50 AM

          See, years ago in the US, there were black slaves. Did the slaves complain? No. Did they fight their masters? No. Why didn’t they gang up against their ogas who were fewer than them? I don’t know. But if not for people like Abraham Lincoln who didn’t “mind their business”, we would still have slaves today in the world.
          There is nothing wrong with people who have a better view to help out those who do not. Many African women are in bondage. If no one continues to speak for them, there will be no liberation for them, especially since many of them do not even know they are in bondage and that they can do anything about it, just like the black slaves of old.

        • Mz Socially Awkward... July 2, 2013 at 10:16 AM

          Nna, na wa oh. You don’t particularly care about how any couple decides to work out their marriage but you dey follow my comments? But of course I must reply you and biko “left” me to spend my waaayyy too much time on BN. I no dey use am look internet porn, I no dey use am gossip with the local gbeboruns wey dey the same town as we both dey (which also explains why I choose BN over LIB). I dey use am engage in some interesting socail debate. And no, I’m not really impressed by your statement right there.

          E be like say time don reach to change my on-screen name, sef…

        • Mz Socially Awkward... July 2, 2013 at 10:18 AM

          No dey use am pursue anybody’s husband…. like for real, I am PISSED THE HECK OFF. Seriously, there are somethings that don’t need to be said. It is my time, how e carry take worry anyone else?? In fact. Lemme just stop.

        • Bliss July 2, 2013 at 7:45 PM

          Mz. Socially Awkward, do you jare. Don’t change your screen name oh. Shoo! People will always talk . I personally enjoy reading your comments, we have similar views! Write BN off as an extracurricular activity. Mrs P can’t tell you nothing. Na she pay your law school fees…Abeg may she park well.

    • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 2:20 PM

      I do agree that it is unfair and totally wrong for a man in this present age to control his wife’s destiny, but nothing in the situation that you have described indicates that the husband is controlling. In my opinion crucifying the man based on a two sentence text message you received from his wife is not the way to go. I will paraphrase from your article, the woman said “my husband doesn’t think modeling is something I should be doing”, she did not say “my husband said that I should not be a model” or” my husband is mad that I want to be a model” or any other word that will indicate “lordship”. They probably had a discussion, and they both reached a mutual conclusion, that it might be best for her not to model. I am tempted to think that you were probably slightly upset that one of your models flaked on you, which is fair, but to conclude that her husband is controlling, might not be the way to go. Madam dearest, I also don’t think situations like this should make you cry, there are many terrible things happening around the world that deserve you tears. FYI, I am not holding brief for men who are controlling, my two cents is that unless we have all the information in situations like this, we shouldn’t be making certain judgment calls.

      • slice July 1, 2013 at 3:25 PM

        don’t twist the facts. you may be right or wrong. that’s not my point. but don’t twist the facts. she saidI am sorry I can’t make it to the shoot because my husband doesn’t think modelling is something I should be doing! He says it is beneath me as his wife to be taking photos for a living!

        I don’t like it but I am married!

        you’re essentially saying he didn’t tell her not to be a model. ah ah, he did. He told he didn’t want her doing it and she had to cancel even though she said “i don’t like it” referring to his decision.

        that’s telling her what to do. the only real argument here is whether it’s his place to do that. now if you want to argue that it is, go ahead and say that but don’t twist it to look like the author put words in the model’s mouth when she showed us the texts verbatim.

        • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 5:20 PM

          I am not twisting any fact, I agree she said that mentioned not liking the decision, but that still does give any impression that she was arm twisted into making the decision, and some people are making it sound like, she is a stay at home whose husband denied the right to build her own career.

        • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 5:21 PM

          *does not

      • Mz Socially Awkward... July 1, 2013 at 4:22 PM

        Dear Guys perspective, I’m more than a little curious. Your opinion is: “she did not say “my husband said that I should not be a model” or” my husband is mad that I want to be a model” or any other word that will indicate “lordship”. They probably had a discussion, and they both reached a mutual conclusion, that it might be best for her not to model. I am tempted to think that you were probably slightly upset that one of your models flaked on you..”

        However, the article clearly gives us this transcription of the text received – “I am sorry I can’t make it to the shoot because my husband doesn’t think modelling is something I should be doing! He says it is beneath me as his wife to be taking photos for a living! … I don’t like it but I am married!”

        So, how do you reconcile that with your own statement? It doesn’t sound like anything even remotely close to a mutual conclusion to my albeit single eyes…

        • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 5:05 PM

          @ Mz Socially Awkward…My dictionary defines thinking as the art of employing one’s mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation. The key word in her text message is ” thinks”. Nothing in the ladies text message indicates that the husband was forceful, or acting like an authoritarian, nor is there any indication that the woman thinks otherwise and we also do not understand why he thinks its beneath his wife to be modelling for a living, in my humble opinion if she was already a model before they got married that will be a different story, Is it not on this same site that, several people felt it was beneath Omotola to act a 10secs role (FYI I disagree with this notion), that means its actually possible for modelling to be beneath the woman.
          I am not on the side of men that disrespect their women, by treating them like lesser human beings, but I am just concerned on how we always tend to think analyse situations for which we do not have adequate information. I have said it on this forum before and I will say it again, we cannot all expect people to live their lives in a very specific way, if it was that easy we would probably have just one religion in the world.

        • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 5:12 PM

          Also I understand that she said that “I don’t like it but I am married!” that my friend is what is called compromise, you and I do not know what concessions they both made during the course of their conversation at home.

        • Mz Socially Awkward... July 1, 2013 at 5:30 PM

          @ Guys perspective, granted we shouldn’t expect people to behave in a specific way just because we have our own preferences of how certain outcomes should be and granted also that we don’t have enough evidence to conclude as to whether he made his stance forcefully or not.

          However, I will reiterate my original question. How did you see a mutual conclusion from what appears to not have been mutually accepted? He may have thought, he could have said, perhaps he even declared. All I see is you trying to convince the writer of this article that it was a mutual decision, when the evidence I’ve seen of said wife’s position on the matter is “I don’t like it but I am married”.

          Therefore, I would appreciate if you made your argument using that as your starting point as we’ve been asked to do with this article, without conjuring another scenario from thin air which is the one where you insist the wife was in complete agreement with this decision. And yes, I’m completely anal about people deriving conclusions that do not logically arise from given facts.

        • Guys perspective July 1, 2013 at 6:14 PM

          @MZ Socially Awkward. If you go back to my earlier comment, I said that “They probably had a discussion, and they both reached a mutual conclusion, that it might be best for her not to model.” There was never a time I made an assertion that it was not a mutual decision reached based on compromise form the parties involved. I still feel that there is nothing in her text message, indicating that she did not agree with her husband, notwithstanding that she had reservations/she did not like the decision.

      • zsa zsa July 1, 2013 at 8:13 PM

        @Guys Perspective, you are over thinking the point of the article. I think we all know that this is indeed a one sided perspective from the writer since she was not present when the actual conversation took place between the model and her husband. The text message simply gave the writer something to think or write about. No need for the extra analysis of how the husband said it or how he worded his displeasure with his wife’s job or that he didn’t “lord” it over her….we will NEVER know what really happened or what was really said. Bottom line is women are in most cases made to sacrifice their careers or dreams all in the name of submission or to save their marriages and its not fair. Dazall :)

      • Que July 1, 2013 at 10:19 PM

        Best comment here period!

    • funmi July 1, 2013 at 2:23 PM

      Controlling husbands ,hmmmmm . Some men have issues with complex, they forgot that job satisfaction is not for the male species alone. Women too needs tomfeel fulfilled in anything their heart desired. The lady in the story has decided to bury her need to express herself to PLEASE her husband. Enuff said.

    • Lana July 1, 2013 at 2:24 PM

      Lets not try to force our personal opinions on others. Whatever works for each person let them do.

    • Wale July 1, 2013 at 2:27 PM

      I get so mad when I read these ignorant comments. Only if women recognized the face of oppression.

      *I won’t be surprised if one ignorant moron replies*

    • anonymous July 1, 2013 at 2:32 PM

      Pay up she is married…

    • PRIMEPERSONA July 1, 2013 at 2:32 PM

      I couldn’t agree less with u Mia. Well said! Communication unlocks many mysteries. Don’t just assume or expect. A lot of marriages/ relationships crash because of costly assumptions. Make your relationships communication centered, that way you can realize what works for you and what doesn’t, what you should expect moving forward and what you shouldn’t.

    • ewems July 1, 2013 at 2:37 PM

      Wives are not their husband’s equal. It is important that women understand this fact. This however doesn’t mean that the woman is inferior or that she is a slave. It simply means you have different roles to play in the marriage. This is what the bible says, it doesn’t matter if you like it or not or if modernization has whittled it down. It is a law. Also i honestly believe that a man would have voiced his opinion on what he expects from his woman before they marry. So it is important for women to “open their ears and listen to what is said and more importantly what is condoned” so that you dont get sad when he pulls a “dont do this/dont do that” card!

      • Tiki July 1, 2013 at 3:01 PM

        Is English really that hard? If two things are not equal, one is inferior! Plus, where in the Bible does it say women are lesser beings? That ‘honest belief’ of yours is either just a load of bollocks, or you live in a pie in the sky!!

      • Regina July 1, 2013 at 3:41 PM

        If you are not equal, you are either superior or inferior. Simple and short. A woman is not an animal to be led about. That idea worked in biblical times when it was difficult and extremely rare for women to earn a reasonable living on their own. I think we as the human race have experienced 2000 years of growth, development and thinking and the role of women has changed.
        It is no longer the case that simply because a person is male, he has more knowledge, experience, reason or intelligence. A marriage is an equal partnership between two people; they may negotiate their roles, but it is still a negotiation with give and take. If an architect (husband) marries a banker (wife) should she cede financial decision making simply because he is male? Ridiculous.

      • God's Love July 1, 2013 at 11:52 PM

        Excuse me?!? Wives ARE their husbands equal! No where in the bible does God put a man above a woman or vice versa. Yes men are the head of the home, but in the sense that they are to lead and not lord over the woman! They both have two different roles, yes, but it’s doesn’t mean one is lesser than the other. God talks about mutual submission. It is just expressed in different ways.

    • Product of public Education July 1, 2013 at 3:19 PM

      Well said GUY PERSPECTIVE. Nothing to add or subtract.

    • Naveah July 1, 2013 at 3:28 PM

      Unless that woman’s job is the type of work that cause danger to her being and to her family, NO man has a right to tell his wife to stop working! A man who does that is looking for one way to control his wife and her life. And any woman who allows that is essentially handing her life over to said man.

      I cannot imagine spending years to study for a particular career path, working at it with passion and having my husband who met me doing what I do tell me that I should quit because his itty bitty ego is bruised or what have you. A woman should ALWAYS have her own money because honey there comes a time in life when love don’t love nobody. Every woman needs her stash, her “Go F_ _K Yourself” money.

      • Priscy July 2, 2013 at 12:59 PM

        Gbam!!!

    • halyma July 1, 2013 at 3:48 PM

      For me it’s my career my choice! I don’t see why a man would have to be the one to tell me what career path to take or not because am the one who would be on the job. Ofcourse there is room for the man to have an input but it ends in the place of advice. I strogly believe that everyone has a right to dream and seek to fufill them. We are all also allowed to change jobs as many times as we deem fit.

    • Sunshine July 1, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      I’m never disappointed with BN and its classic self-appointed ‘judge and jury’ commentators! Like someone said, to each his own, we don’t have to accept each others opinions, but we most definitely have to respect the fact that everyone is entitled to their own point of view.

    • Zero July 1, 2013 at 4:21 PM

      Chics, make una shine ur eye o’ If e say e no want make u work, tell am to dey pay a set salary for u every month..or give u some millions 2 put for your own personal bank account…bcos most of dem, na mouth dem dey make and before u know, na peanut e go dey give u o’ U no go even fit go one decent shopping or buy whatever u please…Yes..na d kind things chics and women dey like..little things like dat..or make e open multi million naira business for u if na say e no trust wetin women dey do 4 office @ least e go make u oga (a boss) automatically and u’ll be busy doing something productive, travelling around the world,etc instead of being one of dem gossiping housewives we have around..loool..

    • Mz Socially Awkward... July 1, 2013 at 4:49 PM

      My stance on this one has earned me a few names but I really don’t care. My amazingly sweet & highly accomplished mother was dissuaded by her husband and his family from pursuing her PhD and moving her career forward after she got married. Omo, the woman no send any of them, she went on to bag that Doctorate, continued lecturing, wrote more articles and published books that were recognized on even wider international platforms and today, the same family members (husband included) that asked her to abandon her dreams shine their 32-teeth very widely with pride when they introduce her to their friends as “Prof”. A lot of those family members have also benefitted from her in cash, because if my dad hasn’t got anything to hand out to people needing help, my mother is a sure source for getting money (I should know from the days when she would kit us kids out for our return to boarding school, except I didn’t know then it was her own money being spent). Women, let me tell you this, if you see the signs of a husband who doesn’t really manage his money properly, to heck with “submission”. You better get your own money and fast.

      She begged her sister (my aunty) to do something with herself after she got married, start a business, take evening classes to translate her HND into a Bachelor’s degree, anything. But my aunty’s husband was of the “I dont want my wife to work” school of thought so my aunty sat at home. Today, my aunty has no personal income of her own, nothing to even show by way of a small business, her controlling husband cheats on her with abandon and she’s now trying to get her daughters the best education there is, because she learnt the very hard way what a woman goes through when she relies on a bad husband for her daily bread.

      And even when the husband isn’t a bad one, I still see this command as being very misplaced. A girl I went to Secondary School with and even practised law with for a time, got married to a guy who didn’t want her to work. He was a nice fellow and she quit work for a number of years. He died this year. A lot of debt was suddenly revealed after his death, in addition to the expenses of renting a house and keeping her children in clothes, healthy food and school. Anybody who says a woman should submit to her husband should please come and explain to me how easily this submissive wife is meant to assume the job of being mother and father to those children without having had any source of income of her own prior to his death.

      • Tee Mama July 1, 2013 at 6:11 PM

        Thank u o!!
        If u want a docile woman u want to control and dominate over, it’s quite simple, find that type! Don’t marry a woman who has goals, dreams and aspirations and then tell her to be someone she’s not. I particularly hate it when people use the bible to defend rubbish. Submission isn’t the same as oppression. Some men want maids they can sleep with, that’s not wanting to be married.

        What is d man afraid f after 3 kids?

        My husband (yes, I’m a feminist and married, big shock) found me this way; a lawyer who actually loves what she does, a woman who has a voice and loves to use it WELL. And he seeks to help me fulfill my dreams, he is not afraid that I might be successful, he actually wants me to succeed. So I really doubt that one day he will wake up and start issuing decrees to thwart my destiny. He wanted a wife and a friend and got it. These men that just want educated maids. Biko!
        Am so frigging proud of Prof jor!

        • God's Love July 1, 2013 at 11:55 PM

          THANK YOU!!!

      • Truth be told July 1, 2013 at 6:43 PM

        Gbam!

      • Truth be told July 1, 2013 at 6:45 PM

        If I want to stop work it will be because I want to and nothing else!

      • zsa zsa July 1, 2013 at 8:04 PM

        Mz S Akward, your head is always there! Thank you. I think this is a matter of choice in these cases…i always tell folks to do what suits them but always consider the consequences. In the case of your aunt who lost her hubby and now has to deal with all the debt on her own, i feel bad but this is exactly what i am scared of and what i tell any woman who cares to listen. There are too many sad stories out there of women who gave up their dreams and ended up resenting their spouses for it or just get stuck with bills and debt if or when the spouse passes on.
        Not me o!!! I learnt from my mother and my hubby is not the type to stop me from pursuing my dreams anyway so if i slack it would be solely my fault.

      • Eve July 2, 2013 at 5:36 AM

        My learned Mz, you have nailed this conversation period! With such examples from both angles, there is nothing more left to be said. He who has ears, let him hear!!!

        • T-gurl July 2, 2013 at 1:45 PM

          More like ‘she’ who has ears, let ‘her’ hear.
          There’s so much happening around us that we can learn from.
          If you like, ‘submit’ yourself, your gift, your talent and your brain because of marriage, you go hear am na. Know thyself, know what you want, find your friend, share your dreams with your friend, work both your dreams out together, marry your friend, live your life, leave the rest to God. It’s not that simple but its a good game plan. Shikena!
          BTW, Ms Soc Akw, you’re simply the bomb.com!

      • Priscy July 2, 2013 at 1:12 PM

        ON POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • if to say na just me... July 1, 2013 at 5:13 PM

      A lot of people just get things twisted when issues like this are being straightened and call others feminists for voicing out their opinions…cause in all their ignorance,feminists are sad,desperate,lonely people who cant find boyfriends/husbands!I am a married mom of two,a christian,and i absolutely think a man who stops you from living your dreams(so long as those dreams are not those you would call “morally questionable”)is simply a weak and utterly inferior male.Doing what you desire is not just about bringing home the bacon….so he can say he wants to open the biggest boutique in V.I for you and still deny you of achieving your goals…Women,so much for submission!a man who truly loves you protects you by ensuring you achieve your dreams.

    • B... July 1, 2013 at 5:35 PM

      @Mz Socially Awkward… he said get a PhD I will marry you??

      • Mz Socially Awkward... July 1, 2013 at 8:29 PM

        She “was dissuaded by her husband and his family from getting a PhD and moving her career forward”. He didn’t want her to get a PhD.

    • B...z July 1, 2013 at 5:36 PM

      How about that, where did she go wrong??

    • lorenz July 1, 2013 at 5:38 PM

      COMPROMISE. This is the biggest and one of the most important ingredients required for a blissfull and happy marriage. If humans were to act on thier every whims and desires, then believe me; we wouldnt be much different from animals.
      A strong, opinionated woman is the pride of her husband; and most men want that kind of wife. However the male ego(whether African or not) also wants a woman that would yield to his “decree” every once in a while. I’m not saying we all want “mumu” wives, but have you guys considered whether the husband of the woman in question just didnt like the idea(probably bcos of his conservative nature), and it was her duty to change his mind. I dont mind a woman who would make me see reason why she wants to take a particular step of action- if i dont like the idea, change my mind. Simple.

    • tatafo! July 1, 2013 at 6:38 PM

      This issue is hitting close to home for me because it’s something I’ve been battling internally with for some time in my relationship. Specifically how couples manage expectations and not make assumptions that will hurt one down the line. It’s important not to set precedence that you will later regret and I suspect that this may be the case for the aunty in the story. Like several commenters mentioned, it would serve us well to actively discuss potential red flags and not sweep assumptions under the rug.

      Anyway sha, this article was timely and an eye opener for me. I definitely don’t want a case of “no be say I talk am” in the future.

    • faith July 1, 2013 at 7:26 PM

      Women av ways of getting what dey want….if she really wants d job,she should av looked for a way to convince her husband….dat is how I make my hubby agree to what Eva I want to do….

    • jcsgrl July 1, 2013 at 7:28 PM

      Hmnn my dear let everyone do what sweets their belle. I am all for team submission and also for women empowerment. While I do my best to submit to my husband authority most times but there have been times when I defied it because I felt strongly on what I believed in and he didn’t give me a reasonable justification to see it otherwise. Sometimes the decision worked out and he eventually changed his mind and sometimes it didn’t and “we” learned from it. There is no cookie cutter approach. If you can live happily with whatever the decision that is made, then fine. But if you can’t, then please do you. Follow your heart and instincts. If the woman is question will be happy with the decision her husband made and not resent him later in life, then she has made a wise choice. However, if she can’t and chooses to pursue her passion, she has also made a wise choice. My two cents…

    • LO July 1, 2013 at 7:31 PM

      I think a real man is one who would lead and not boss his wife around, one who would add value to her life and bring out the best in her by supporting her dreams and aspirations.

    • Sotay July 1, 2013 at 7:36 PM

      Thank God for near misses sha, my ex-fiance wanted to start controlling my whereabouts and limiting who I was friends with. We fought and fought until we broke up. I can just visualize my future like this lady had I been married to that control freak!

    • Isoko Girl July 1, 2013 at 8:01 PM

      A man who does not want his wife to pursue a career or run a business is plain selfish and insecure. Ladies, open your eyes! What happens when after years of being a full time house wife, he trades you in for a newer model or just slumps and dies? No be small hunger go catch you! How many people dey write will? Death gives no notice. Any wonder many widows become charity cases?

    • Sigh July 1, 2013 at 8:08 PM

      Intresting write up, while my husband to be is singing it in my ears daily that he doesnt want a housewife and i will not be a housewife not even for an hour. *sigh*

    • Rukky July 1, 2013 at 8:13 PM

      Many married men fail to understand dat aside frm it being necessary for women to have their own cash and have a need to fufil somewhere and not just be a layabout,God also created each of us wt different purposes set out for us.we r here in dis world for a reason,to make our lives count in everyway.an ideal marriage Christ Based should help each partner to fufil God’s purpose for their lives while also raising a godly family.a real man will actually help his wife to actualise her dreams while guiding her wt advice and support as she does him also.d problem 2day is just dat most men av low self esteem and feel threatened by their wives sucesses.this is very wrong.every good woman will appreciate her man being her backbone and number one fan than if he had her boxed in one corner..naija men really have to change their mentality.and by d way,submission goes wt love and respect,even as d Bible says wives submit to ur husbands,it also says husbands love ur wife even as Christ loved d church(ephesians 5:22-25) if u love ur wife as Christ said u won’t mk unreasonable demands of her and she won’t find it hard to submit to u and 1cor 13:4-7 enumerates wat real love is,it isn’t selfish or demands its own way,it actually has d interest of d other person at heart…enough said

    • Queen July 1, 2013 at 8:15 PM

      Well…it is possible that it is just that particular career that her husband has qualms about. In the case of modelling, many conservative people still do not buy into the idea and they are entitled to be conservative. How many parents have we heard about that dissuade their kids from modelling etc…? It would be another issue if the husband was totally against her doing any kind of work. Still, if you are already married and find yourself in this situation, it is easier to catch a fly with honey and not vinegar. Think outside the box and hopefully, you’ll be able to reach a compromise on some sort of work that you can do that will be fulfilling to you and acceptable to your husband.

    • Adetola July 1, 2013 at 8:51 PM

      Thx God for this article….. I was just thinking abt abandoning my PhD so my future hubby won’t feel am over qualified….well am gonna carry on…this is an eye opener

    • prickly pear July 1, 2013 at 9:18 PM

      I think every one is entitled to their opinion. We are not sure if our model has previously shown interest in this to her husband before now, I would not want to believe shrwoke up after 3 childhas a modelling passion. If its not a new thing she had communicated to her spouse its likely they might have been having clashes on this and she had to make a choice between her marriage and the career I bet like an average woman she would choose her marriage. I am not justifying the husband’s actions but appeal to men to be considerate in dealing with their wives. In conclusion I believe as human beings we all have equal rights to a life therefore equal rights to who we want to be.

    • Mabel July 1, 2013 at 9:20 PM

      All of these decrees stem from fear! Fear that the wife may outshine her husband, she may bring in larger sums of money, she may have some renown and recognition in society, her money will bring her freedom and no need to be financially dependent on her spouse, the possibility that she could always replace him if she chooses to because she has no dependency on him, she will have too much power and say in the direction of the household…etc.

      A man who is confident in his union wants a successful wife. Her success is added value to the family. It inspires his daughters to dream big and gives his sons the confidence to deal with women who have a vision. It builds a legacy for their family for generations to come. A woman can be a great wife, mother and still fulfill her own destiny; she does not have to give up one to gain the other. She may not be able to do it all at the same time, but she can do it all and fulfill her life’s purpose with joy and satisfaction in her heart. When she is old and frail she can look over her life without regrets and she can be proud of having marrying a man who gave her the courage and the free will to find her place in the world.

    • prickly pear July 1, 2013 at 9:21 PM

      *3 children and have passion

    • mama baby-jake July 1, 2013 at 9:38 PM

      I once dated this guy who remarked flippantly that I would stop working once we get married. That was the day the relationship ended! Fast forward 2 years after, happily married, one kid, still working.

    • clarissa July 1, 2013 at 9:42 PM

      mz socially akward you took all the words and gramma out of my mouth. kudos to you and ur anaology. women, do not allow desperation lead you to a marriage if convinience. i am a very oppinionated lady and i certinly do not intend to loose my self or my individuality over a man. been submissive is totally diferent ffom being subservient.

    • teetee July 1, 2013 at 10:10 PM

      I love this article,i learnt a lot.

    • Bookie July 1, 2013 at 10:41 PM

      I couldn’t have said it any better myself! A man who is confident in himself and his union, will know that the wife’s success is the family’s success. If his wife does well, then so does he…….

      Babes, you all need to shine your eyes before saying ‘I do’. If bobo does not support or encourage your ambitions that is a red flag right there!

    • Ifesinachi July 1, 2013 at 10:43 PM

      Thanks, Kome ,for raising the question. I think I agree that many men are afraid that their wives success will outshine theirs, and sometimes, many successful married women come off looking like they did it ‘all on their own’. But the truth is marriage is team work, so it’s important to marry one who will help you achieve your dreams (male and female). Sadly, the world is not perfect and most of us won’t get what we want. I just hope men and women learn to respect each other’s dreams.
      Another thing is the issue of using Christianity as a shield. Please go and read Proverbs 31 very well. The virtuous woman was praised both for working and supporting her family.
      If a woman decides to stay home, fine. No problem with that. But if she decides to pursue a career, husbands, abeg support!

      • Bukkie July 5, 2013 at 8:47 PM

        @Ifesinachi I completely agree with you, the proverbs 31 woman is an industrious woman and her husband is respected in the city because of this

    • am married. July 1, 2013 at 11:51 PM

      i want a happy home, a fulfilled marriage, a husband that cherishes me and lovely kids, if it means sacrificing my career for all that, then am willing to. I can do anything to have a happy home, what is the essence of working , if I and my hubby keeps arguing about my job one way or other it will affect the kids.

      • Bellabells July 3, 2013 at 2:54 AM

        you can never be happy if your dreams are stifled. You will eventually resent the guy and this will take a toll on your marriage.

    • aiphee July 2, 2013 at 5:34 AM

      Life’s so funny;here we are battling with women who give up dir dreams because of marriage,yet my soon to b married bestie who’s a 500l medical student still swears to wanting to b a housewife.i employed all means to get her to change her mind,but eventually i stopped since she said fiance is fine wv it.ïm nt yet married but i pray God blesses me with a hubby whoz in line wv me fulfilling my dreams and aspirations cos them plenty well well o.Single Ladies,do not take issues like dis likely cos some men make their opinions known while dating but due to some factors(whirlwind romance,sheer desperation for marriage),some jst refuse to listen or hope he’ll change his mind,wen it starts happening,u r simply on ur own o!

    • mia July 2, 2013 at 8:16 AM

      women, women, women! how many times did i call you? please, don’t just sit at home doing nothing that brings an income and rely absolutely on a man. situations change, tables turn and women are usually at the receiving end. and please, don’t badger me with African culture and submission mantra. women in the bible days had something they were doing as well as our great grand mothers. at least they would have a farmland or livestock they manage. please don’t carry plastic arms at home thinking u’ve got a rich hubby, get a job, learn a trade or handwork and have at least something to use to fed yourself and kids incase tables turn. and please, i’m not thinking your hubby will die soon or something, but i realise the major reason most women stay in abusive marriages is because of financial dependence. most women cannot even afford a self contained apartment if their hubbys throw them out, hence, they stay in he abusive marriage and na obituary you go see next!

    • divea July 2, 2013 at 9:00 AM

      really an eye opener

    • Vicky July 2, 2013 at 10:58 AM

      I just read this article now and it touched me cause am presently going through the same thing. I met my husband last year in may, by July I was pregnant for him and I loved him so we got married. Before we met I was working at this firm, while dating I continued work even when we got married I was working. I ve been on maternity leave, its time to resume, my husband says I should not go back to work. Reason being that the whole town believes am having an affair with my boss and he is doing it to protect our family. He has given me an ultimatum, that if I do not leave, I should consider the marriage over .

      My worry now is not the fact of resigning but his reasons for me to resign, I doubt they are genuine as he has made so many comments aimed at belittling me. He went as far as saying am vain, trying to form as if my dad is a wealthy man or Jonathan, that no matter how much I wear shoes, clothes and weavons, I would not be better than what I am. The other day, while at the clinic, a lady walked up to me and said oh I love the way you look, your skin and all that. As soon as she steps out, the next comment he makes is “your happy cause they say you look fine, I would make sure they do not see all this things”.

      I have however decided to resign this job, am looking at getting a new one immediately. My decision I know will not go down well with my mum and family members but I have decided to this to save my marriage and for the sake of the child, whom if not for I would have walked away.

      But no I do not think a man has a right to be in charge of his wife’s career. Its being insensitive.

      • listening July 5, 2013 at 9:49 AM

        My dear, please find another job before you quit and be vigilant, what you said was so scary i hope he doesn’t hurt you. Please always tell yourself you are beautiful and wonderful regardless of what he says…Take care of you *hugs*

      • B! September 18, 2013 at 8:21 PM

        This is very disturbing. All your husband said falls under
        emotional abuse. I would advise you to leave him, and I know I
        sound very rash, but these are all trademarks of abusive people and
        in my own opinion, it can only get worse. Like the first commenter
        said, I really hope he doesn’t hurt you physically because it
        sounds like he is already doing that emotionally. Only an envious
        person would quarrel with the compliments that a woman gets on her
        beauty.

    • shaun July 2, 2013 at 12:09 PM

      this might be off, but i recently mentioned to a friend of mine that i had bought a plot of land and started a building project. he said ‘wrong move dear. you are not yet married. you are chasing guys away’. i was like seriously? then let them run as fast as their legs can carry them as it is obvious negative complex is at work. a man that meets you as an achieving person has no right to take it from you after marriage. Bless

    • sinquanon July 2, 2013 at 2:03 PM

      Bible bashers before you quote ‘wives submit to your husband’ biko read the preceding and subsequent verses!
      A word is enough for the wise. Women thinking of giving up work because of marriage should come and ask my mum. Or they should come and ask the hundreds of British ex-wives pursuing their husbands through the courts for maintenance saying they gave up their career to look after the home. So therefore the husbands must pay them maintenance for life because they the wives gave up their dreams for their husbands.

      Working is much more than than just earning an income. It boosts your self esteem and self realization in terms of personal growth, development and self fulfillment (ok I’m quoting Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs here but I’m sure u can find practical examples where the above is evident). And if you are lucky to be earning an income pursuing your passion then that is a bonus.

      My father told my mum to stop working and she refused. Seven months pregnant with me, he died. And then she lost her own mum within the space of months. Fine she could afford not to work after he died because he was wealthy enough but she said the only thing that kept her sane back then was her job!

      Death isn’t the only thing that can turn tables in a marriage and the only constant thing in this life is change!

    • Naveah July 2, 2013 at 2:59 PM

      My dear Vicky, abeg permit me to chook leg inside dis ya matta small small o. So your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive and you still decided to stay for the sake of your child? What do you believe your child is learning from watching his/her father berate the woman he is suppose to love like Christ loves the church? Is this how he treats himself since the bible says that “in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself”. The wife is a reflection of her husband, he must be one miserable son of a biscuit since he is treating you quite terrible, he is not happy with himself hence he derives pleasure in putting you down to make himself feel better about who he is as a person, a person he must not like very much.

      My dearest sister, I don’t know your situation in its entirety and I am not going to be the one to tell you to shine your eyes and think of your future as you decide to make the conscious decision to stay with a man who is so quick to want to send you packing because you are not following his rules BUT do step out of the situation and think what if someone told me this story about themselves, what would I advise them to do? Think about what you want to set as an example for your child and think about your life 5, 10 years from now and where you think you will be mentally and emotionally with someone constantly assaulting you with insult and put downs that you would NOT accept from anyone else.

      Telling you he wants you to quit because “people” are saying that you are having an affair with your boss is one big insult, so in other words, you didn’t get to where you are at your job on your merit but on your bedroom skills? Who are all these “people”? My man is making an excuse to exert control over your personal and professional life. If one isn’t careful, he is probably the one having an affair because I find that those who are quick to accuse another are usually guilty of whay they are accusing another of doing.

      Abeg, you SEEK WISE COUNSEL. Wise counsel of the spirit in prayer to God and wise counsel of your family members as well as trusted friends.

      • zsa zsa July 2, 2013 at 9:11 PM

        My dear Naveah no be small emotional abuse. Imagine your spouse’s reasons for the wife not going back to work.
        @Vicky, you do need to seek counsel. If you guys were just dating i would have said take a walk NOW but y’all are married with a child….not that that would stop me sha but its your call and no one else’s. You see, my ex boyfriend was just like that, emotionally abusive, whenever someone complimented me he made sure he ruined it for me by making silly comments like…”so you think you are pretty?” or “how can we drive the same type of car?” or “how can you be more educated than me?” just to scratch the surface. Dude was always putting me down, my confidence started to slowly disappear, i had to get a grip very fast o. Maybe if you had courted a little longer you would have noticed these issues but….

      • Bukkie July 5, 2013 at 9:08 PM

        Well said Naveah, children are a product of there upbringing!

    • sinquanon July 2, 2013 at 5:18 PM

      Slightly off topic but @ Jenny please study history well. Abraham Lincoln didn’t necessarily oppose slavery on some moral grounds. He opposed it on political grounds (and gains i guess). I suppose some people would argue that the bottom line is he opposed slavery whatever his reasons may be.

    • mrs. p July 2, 2013 at 5:44 PM

      @msSocially Akward…I don’t follow & chase your comments, go away joor :-’) I do enjoy reading your comments and you come across as a very lovely person… on this one though and with the back and forth with Guy’s perspective, mba! “I won’t take”, “I can never allow”, “No man can …” all that , woman can say but possibly do quite the opposite for reasons best known to them or just because they know their spouses better than anyone else… in short ehn, each person should do what works for them … if your husband asks you to quit work, only you can decide how to respond.. no one else can love you more than you love yourself.

    • Mk July 2, 2013 at 10:58 PM

      I feel women are now trying too hard with this “equality” thing cos honestly this is all I hear/read about these days. I know it’s not the best for a man to stop his wife from working but I also think that if women can take their time to know a man before marriage and not just rush in for wrong reasons then these issues won’t arise because u’ll know exactly what he stands for before making your choice. There are good men out there and if I know he truly loves me and wants what is best for me then I will be glad to submit just as God commanded.
      PS: in this write up, he didn’t ask her not to work. He simply didn’t want her to do that particular kind of job. It’s a matter of preference and we do not even know his reason. Even as women there are some things we do not let our husbands do so there’s no point playing victim here. In true love, both man n woman have that right over each other. Kpom!!!

    • uche July 3, 2013 at 12:23 AM

      well, who am I to say anything on here?
      My mum is/was literally a single mom most of my life, and she raised three daughters on her own. Bear in mind that I had/have a comfortable father who chose to do anyhow until he lost his job. My mom built our house on her own money oh, if she had decided to be a housewife I wonder what my story would have been. On the issue of staying with a husband that is abusive because of the children, thats a myth oh I beg!!! I grew up (partly) in such a home, and even though I don’t know it/ haven’t accepted it yet, my friends seem to think I have issues I can’t even comprehend. My mum left oh, not like she stayed, but the little unpleasant memories are still there. much as religion says no to divorce, if you cannot stay, and if you think you cannot protect your children from the ugliness it brings, FLEE, I beg you. that thing messes with their heads big time.
      Thank God though, for exposure. Like people have said severally, as a human, woman especially, have a vision, have a goal, know where you’re headed, before you start forming ripe for marriage, oh and spell it out to your intended/significant other. If he can’t deal, he should go. But in the end, its still a case of to each his own, whatever rocks your boat.

    • jane July 3, 2013 at 3:00 PM

      Like me I relocated to nigeria because I was desperate to marry, I got married exactly 6months after relocating to my ex that left me for another girl then cause I was doing well more than him.I went abroad to study for my masters, Now dat I’m married to him I got a job in a bank he said I shouldn’t do it cause it brings more men to me, got another one he said the stress will be to much, and if I praise myself that I’ve done well for myself in life he will run me down. Now I’m sitting at home doing nothing waiting for him to give me feeding money all because I’m trying to be submissive. With time I’m not going to listen to him anymore cause I can’t struggle all my life to be somebody and husband will come and limit my life. I’m Sad really

    • Eve July 5, 2013 at 2:58 PM

      After reading all these stories, I am now afraid, and I’m asking myself this…Isn’t single life better? I mean I can do anything I want to do, and I am truly happy. Lord please have mercy on us and give us your grace…Amen.

    • temi July 9, 2013 at 12:24 PM

      Marriage was meant to fulfill God’s purpose for our lives, and not to relegate anyone: either the man or the woman. If your marriage is not gearing you towards fulfilling purpose, then the sole purpose has been defeated. God bless marriages world wide and heal those marriages experiencing hard times.
      temisigns.blogspot.com

    • temi July 9, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      *is meant (if you like).

    • kk July 12, 2013 at 3:07 PM

      what a wonderful analogy. Matrimonial decree indeed. However, both partners should discuss amicably and get it right to suit their home. It is not a matter of by force or byfire. There has to be harmony.

    • IamAwesome July 16, 2013 at 8:33 PM

      Komi, nicely written! i agree with you completely, women should have the right to decide what their futures should look like even after being married. I cannot imagine getting married today and receiving an ultimatum to quit my extremely lucrative 7 digit earning job!! lai lai.
      But on the other hand let me address this statement ” I don’t see many women determining what jobs their husbands can or cannot do!”…. DEM FIT!!!!!! you know how in Nigeria even with all our women empowerment and liberation…. most women still believe in the phrase “whats mine is mine, whats yours is ours”.. so when he has to foor the bil of ur expensive mansion in VGC, and pay for 24/7 generator, change ur car every other year, fly u and the kids around the world in the name of summer holiday>>>> WHO ARE YOU TO COMPLAIN?? it might make me sound materialistic but that’s how i see it

    • ufy July 17, 2013 at 1:07 AM

      i really agree with the writer..well done dear..men should really realise that their wives are their equals, let her acheive her personal goals and support her in every way possible. i cant,in my case, after my several years of medical school end up not practising all beacuse my husband said so. yes,wives should submit to their husband,i conpletely agree…but husbands should be considerate too.

    • uche July 17, 2013 at 1:44 PM

      Kome, your line of thight is straight forward, but marriage relationship is not as simplistic as you would make us believe. Consider also the fact that what an old man could see while sitting down, a child may not see it even when standing

    • kk July 17, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      uche, i agree with you that marriage is not that simplistic.But what has the adage” what an old man could see while sitting down, a child may not see it even when standing” got to do with this. WHO is the old man now and WHO is the child.? There is no correlation.All the same a listening eye and an unbaised mind is what is required .

    • kk July 17, 2013 at 3:14 PM

      a listening ear and an unbaised mind

    • shaadisankalp July 22, 2013 at 12:19 PM

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