Aunty Bella: Miss 35 and Ready for Love

pretty-womanHi BN Fam,

A reader left this comment on our BN Spectacular Weddings post today – LINK
Her comment received so many responses so we decided to give her a post of her own. We have also migrated all of the relevant comments as well.

I am 35 years old and even though seeing weddings like this bring joy to my heart, I have gotten to that stage in life where I know now for sure this will never happen for me. I have been hoping for many years, and it’s not that I don’t have suitors, I am far from unattractive, but I just can’t find that guy. No one is perfect I know this, but there are certain things I am looking for in a life partner I haven’t found yet. I believe in being friends above everything else, the shared ideals (religious, life etc) and then a connection. The physical isn’t of great importance, but the men I am meeting these days I can’t even have a connection with and trust me I have tried. I have been in relationships in the past, but it’s always that I gave too little or I gave too much. I am tired it shouldn’t be this hard. I have all but given up but I want to have kids desperately, but I don’t want to be a single mom (nothing against single mothers), my mom and grand mother were single mothers and i felt their struggle I wouldn’t want to go through that. I guess I am the one with the problem…
I am tired of hoping, praying, and wishing. I have come to accept this more than likely won’t happen for me, I see a lot of single girls are going through the same struggle, and it seems hopeless. I want to be married, to a man I love, a man with whom I can grow with. But I may be hoping for too much.
God dey

Photo Credit: 123rf.com

283 Comments on Aunty Bella: Miss 35 and Ready for Love
  • Faith September 16, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    I am going to take offense at this comment, no offense to you but seriously stop it. Such comments belong in your diary, to be shared with your friends, Pastor or Imam or even Shrink. Weddings are a joyous thing, for we to ooh and ah over the pictures, stare wistfully and drop a nice comment. No tapping into anything o because the Chima and Onyeka story seems to have put a stop into that on BN weddings thankfully. Be careful what you tap into, you don’t know their story or their destinies. Tap for your own. Imagine coming from a lovely high all smiling and slam your comment dropped me down to earth. I didn’t read beyond line 2 and passed but I had to come back and comment. Like the person said above, this is not about you, this is the wrong place to dampen the mood. We all go through a lot of ish in life and sometimes we need a temporary escape to see other people in love and happy. A little reprieve, please carry your problems go jare. You are single and do not have cancer, you are single but not homeless, you are single but not dead. Millions of women did not survive to their 35th birthday, millions of women are in the hospital facing life threatening conditions or sorrow over their husbands, children, jobs, sexual abuse, I can go on and on. In fact Women in Syria will trade everything to have your problems right now. So enough of feeling sorry for yourself or other people pitying you. They can only pity you if you let them, you are wallowing in your self created pity party it has enveloped you, you had to drop a comment and share with TOTAL STRANGERS. Quit the feeling sorry for yourself, you have a lot to be grateful for if you only look out for it and stop looking at the only part of your life you have not gotten what you want. What if you marry today and your husband dies tomorrow or you too, heaven forbid but it happens. Sorry if I come acorss as harsh but I felt someone had to throw cold water into your face and startle you into changing your outlook. From a fellow single sister who is loving her status right now and focusing on all the good things the Lord has Blessed me with while joyously awaiting the more that He is bringing my way.

    • Person September 16, 2013 at 12:57 pm

      Wow. Granted she maybe shouldn’t have left it as a comment, but instead of berating her, give her some encouragement. This is hot water not ice cold water abi ki lo oe sef. I’d hate to be on your bad side…if this is you showing love to a fellow sister in pain. Why are you concerned about offering a TOTAL STRANGER advice? Why don’t you just hiss and keep it moving? Ehn. That you are happy with your single life does not mean other people are. Who told you she doesn’t have everything you have said she doesn’t? Please come down from your perch of self righteousness and indignation. Empathy is an essential life skill and a characteristic of EQ.

    • justsaying September 16, 2013 at 12:59 pm

      You dont have to be so harsh, there are way more alternative ways you could have responded.

      Ok Bella for the live of God please remove all the comments made by the single hopefuls and hopeless , remove from the beautiful couples thread and merge it here. ABEG, its no ones intention to dampen that thread of the gorgeous couple. Its all about them. SINGLE LADIES APOLOGIES TO ALL OFFENDED. Sorry

    • Bliss September 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      The stick is way up your behind Sister Faith. The fact that there are starving kids in North Korea don’t mean she can’t vent. Sometimes people need a little encouragement and that’s okay. We are human after all.

    • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Stupid comment ever! You should change your name from Faith to Hate (Fortunately for you they both rhyme). If w cannot collectively use mediums like these to express ourselves, cheer each other up, learn and better our society then we’re done for. Feel like giving you a cyber bitch slap but in the wise words of Rihanna I’ll tell you to run along

      • Faith September 16, 2013 at 1:28 pm

        Cyber hug for you instead. I am sure people around her have been giving her encouragement. She must have gotten it plenty I am sure of, but not that many people will take my approach. I know it is not a common comment or a comment that will resonate with everyone but someone may have to be the b****ch for someone else to see the wood and not just the trees. Encouragement is never too much which is true but sometimes you need to be jolted. I am not afraid of being that person who will call anyone out from their pity party attitude neither am I being self righteous. From experience and with observation a lot of encouragement actually makes you feel more sorry for yourself and more down in the dumps and end up craving for more encouragement (which i am guessing, emphasis on guessing is why she dropped the comment for strangers to offer more encouragemt) until you get a “cyber slap” to wake you up and realise your life is not as bad as you think it is. Like @thatgidigirl said below “U need to thank God everyday that u don’t have bigger problems distracting you, cos if u did……” Sorry o Miss Writer. I will join the bandwagon and offer you encouragement. It is well. Shey that is what you ladies want to hear.

      • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm

        @ Faith, you sound sooo mean and hateful (consider the name change thing sweetie). She chose to share and didn’t need you saying what she hears every damn day! Honestly you need that cyber bitch slap to restore your sense of humanity. So she can’t take a moment to long for what the Benson person has? Did you sense the longing and helplessness? A lot of us human beings did and it’s shocking you didn’t. tsk tsk. Madam you need to ask God to restore your humanity…now be a good girl and run along…

    • royalty September 16, 2013 at 3:32 pm

      U dont have to be so harsh! yes u r tryna make her see that there are other things to b thankful for while patiently waiting on d lord, but is dat how u shuda presented it???…Bella u shud remove dis personz comment! u sound frustrated! encourage the woman like u! make her see that she is beautiful and will be loved! ever heard of “Loneliness”?? Thats wat d writer is experiencing.. So mean of u to have thrown it out that way! ah ah! …

      Okay writer, evrythngz goin to be okay. dont listen to wat som mean pipl will put on here! God has a purpose for ur life. u r beautiful and will find d right one soon. Mayb u shud start hangin out wit d “beta”men dat com ur way..try not to judge too much, especially since we usually go by first impression. U jst neva knw wat God has in plan for u. all hope isnt Lost. U will get married and u will be a mom soon. God bless u!

    • Nusky September 16, 2013 at 4:09 pm

      Oh gehh….Your temper hot oooo!!!! choi

    • The real Tolu September 16, 2013 at 5:02 pm

      @Faith, may you know no trouble, I pray your picture perfect life remains as it it….and of course if it doesn’t and you ever find your self in despair, i pray you receive the same treatment you doled out today. Like seriously, how low can you go??? talk about kicking a girl when she’s down. You really are as crass as they come.

      Btw, You really didn’t have to respond to the thread you know….coming all strong and getting all philosophical like someone died and made u the Dalai Lama….who are you to tell someone how to react to their pain??? WHO????!!!! We all wear our pain differently, and if the write decides to throw herself a pity party all day, every day, its her prerogative! so with all due respect madam SHUT IT!!!!

      I have seen beautiful, polished, accomplished, well traveled women who were so full of life turn into an effigy of emptiness, with agony dripping off every word that comes out of their mouth after years of marriage and no children, come on, don’t be so ignorant, you know the drill… i’ll assume you are Nigerian, so you know how brutal our society gets. I’ve also seen beautiful, successful, independent women with killer resume, resort to isolation, with a air of melancholy constantly around them when aging and unlucky in love. So I guess according to you Ms Faith showing any sign of emotion or talking about it to “total strangers” like you so eloquently put it makes them weak right??? Rubbish! If you can’t encourage, by all means, keep it moving…

      @ Writer, stand firm….i am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and what is meant to be will be. We don’t choose our fate, neither can we outrun our destiny….relax, smell the roses, take an exotic vacation, continue to live your life without a care in the world, distant yourself from negative people or folks who constantly remind you of your status…(u know the one’s who ask as a sort of dig at you rather than genuine concern) , you will find yourself thinking less about it, yes its hard,and i know it hurts terribly…i have been there before, so i totally understand where the pain and hopelessness is coming from, but you my dear have to make peace with yourself and know that whatever the outcome may be in future, you are still a WONDERFUL person, you are not any less of a woman because you are single, and you are not in any way, shape, or form DAMAGED! i know what its like having hope sapped out from your body with every passing year, having the dreaded “why are you single “conversation with your parents, and people always trying to set you up with men you have absolutely nothing in common with…but through it all, i made it … so hold your head high with dignity sis, let people talk….keep going about your business,, continue dating… and change that attitude to a winning one, remember , ” positive thinking, positive results” . I’m not sure where u are based, but if you are Stateside or in the UK, get out of your comfort zone, don’t limit your dating pool, Now if u exclusively only want to date within your culture, that is perfectly fine too, go to more functions, make more friends, work on your communication skills if you are not good at small talks, smile, don’t dumb yourself down and please don’t act thirsty..men can smell a desparate woman a mile away. Pray about it..don’t get all crazy and start sleeping in churches and drinking concotion o! Get on your knees in your bedroom and say your prayers…remember, from our lips, to God’s ear.

      If its in the cards for you, don’t fret, it will happen. And if it isn’t, life goes on…and despite what you might think, you will survive.

      Praying for you…
      x

      • Funsho September 17, 2013 at 9:38 pm

        @The Real Tolu. God bless you over and over and over for your kind words. may the heavens always send you help, peace, love and encouragement even before you ask

      • BisolaBride October 22, 2013 at 7:33 pm

        Encouragement is never too much, GOD Bless You T. I’m also encouraged ‘Hugs&Kisses’

    • 35goingon36 September 16, 2013 at 5:03 pm

      I totally agree with you Miz Faith, I am 35 going on 36 so u know I’ve been in this same situation but am tired of feeling sorry for myself and worrying about the one thing that I wish I had…like you rightly said, being single is not a disease. I am currently enjoying my status, living my life the best possible way I can, making friends and learning new things… As much as I would love to be married, I’d rather be single than get married and have it all go wrong in a few years..so my advice, enjoy ur singleness rather than be bitter about it till the right man for you comes along, even if it is in ur forties…

    • D September 17, 2013 at 12:09 am

      I think you some ppl are being unnecessarily mean to Faith as well….she gave her opinion albeit it not being delivered so well. We are not all going to have the same opinion. Quite frankly, the lady in question just expressed herself and didn’t ask for any help or encouragement or pity party. However, as BN has made it an agony aunty issue, I understand that we have to empathize/sympathize but there are also other approaches like being practical………..only a few people have offered realistic solutions/examples and faith was one of them by giving a different perspective. We shd all try to respect everyone’s opinion rather than ostracizing and attacking “faith to hate” o ga o……there shd be cyber etiquette abeg.

    • Sean September 17, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      May God bless you, Ms. Faith. People need to stop crying about self inflicted pains. One free advice. “Give unlikely people a chance”. Look through your phone/bbm, I am 90% certain that there are guys in it that aren’t upto your standards, educationally, financially, physically etc, that may actually be very honorable/hardworking men with good potential and clear sense of right and wrong, ” because most people’s sense of right and wrong are very muddled”. A man that will gladly take your pain and add it to theirs, if only to make you happy and put a smile on your face, because thats how much they adore you from a distance. They are there, waiting, muguing and hopping that you will romantically look their way and give them 1/10th of the chance you give “eligible men”. Stop giving 2nd,3rd, 4th,5th,6th and 7th chances when some people are looking for just “ONE” chance.

      NB. I didnt mention GOD or church in this response. Get the character thing right first, in most cases people who possess these charaters are also GOD fearing peopl. But people that wear the GOD/Church Cloak beware! I rest my case.

    • priscilla September 17, 2013 at 5:27 pm

      you guys are mean when you hear someone commit suicide you say oh waht a pity, but when they express themselves and ask for encouragement you beat them down shame on all of you. Be kind to your neighbor!

    • Inosendanyman September 19, 2013 at 11:29 am

      faith just shut up already cos u sound harsh and judgmental…..

    • O'Kel September 19, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      God bless you Faith. We all need wake up calls every now and then. You woke me too…

    • Jubemi September 19, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Who spit in your Akamu? Leave the babe alone jare, if she wants to tell the world about her feelings she can, after all it is her life. Did it maybe occur to you that she does not have anyone to talk to and so decided to share it with the world. People have different ways of dealing with issues you know. You apparently have issues too and maybe that’s your reason for lashing out. Biko relax.

    • Ella September 20, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      You go girl… I love you already
      Just want to say thank you for your comment

    • Dazzle September 26, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      I am pretty amazed at you! Just some quick questions; Did
      you ever have a need to vent? Did you ever feel that you had
      reached your wits end? Did you ever need some cheering and
      encouragement to keep up the fight? How come you assumed and
      concluded that she had received encouragement from friends and
      family and that she decided to further throw herself a ‘pity party’
      on BN? Do you know that she echoed the heart of other matured
      singles who read BN? Do you know that your response was read along
      side? My kind advice to you is that you should never venture as a
      Counselor. For I fear that you will do some irreparable damage to
      some young people who will be gullible to ‘look up’ to you. Do get
      off your high horse before you get thrown off. SMH!

    • Dazzle September 26, 2013 at 1:50 pm

      I am pretty amazed at you! Just some quick questions; Did
      you ever feel a need to vent? Did you ever feel that you had
      reached your wits end? Did you ever need some cheering and
      encouragement to keep up the fight? How come you assumed and
      concluded that she had received encouragement from friends and
      family and that she decided to further throw herself a ‘pity party’
      on BN? Do you know that she echoed the heart of other matured
      singles who read BN? Do you know that your response was read along
      side? My kind advice to you is that you should never venture as a
      Counselor. For I fear that you will do some irreparable damage to
      some young people who will be gullible to ‘look up’ to you. Do get
      off your high horse before you get thrown off. SMH!

    • tee September 28, 2013 at 11:43 am

      Marriage is beauitful abeg. See new wives share their experiences here http://allthingztiana.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-new-wife-series-just-married.html It’s a fun, learning on the job experience. The attitude you approach it with is everything.

  • bsky September 16, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    I feel u sis. Keep being patient my dear ‘cos God’s time is the best.

  • Tiki September 16, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    Maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Change your circles, broaden your horizons, give the unlikely people achance!

    • royalty September 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

      I totally agree!

    • Me September 16, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      Ayuk, I’m no where near 35 yet, but your comment hit me right on the spot.

    • Intoxyka September 17, 2013 at 11:34 am

      I agree with you, Tiki. Sometimes we focus so much on these things that we unwittingly amplify them. I firmly believe in prayer. When you speak to God from the heart, commit it into His hands and then go out and live your life, you’ll be happier for it. Besides, these things have a way of finding you where and when you least expect it. So dear 35 year old lady, the Lord is indeed your strength. Enjoy what you have today and be thankful for what you know God is going to do for you tomorrow.

  • Non professional opinion September 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    If this is something you want, then don’t give up. Also your attitude seems somewhat negative and that rarely attracts a good outcome. There are countless people OLDER than you getting married everyday. The last two weddings I attended were of a 35 and 37 year old bride both marrying guys of a similar age. More than anything try to be happy and positive and keep an open heart and mind.

  • LadyRocks September 16, 2013 at 12:48 pm

    Dear Miss 35, God knows best…

    ladyrocks.net

    • MyView September 16, 2013 at 1:14 pm

      Please get over yourself.

  • deebubu September 16, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    The best things in life happen when you are not looking.
    At 35 years you are probably getting well established professionally and you most likely know what you want and have developed a good idea of who you are as a person.These traits will make you a fantastic wife and mother when the time comes.Do not despair! You are still young.
    Focus on all you have and not all you have not, and it will reflect in your outlook, and ultimately make you a more attractive potential partner to a lucky man out there.

  • April Laugh September 16, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Hello beautiful,
    I read your comment and I can’t help but reply you.
    You’re 35years old, yes. You want to get married, yes. You want to have babies, yes. Don’t we all want all these beautiful things in life? Will I be defined by these things? No.
    Do you know the number of people that got married in 2012 and are no longer together? Do you know the number of women that are suffering and smiling in their marriages? Do you know the number of couples who wish that they were never married?
    Don’t put yourself under any form of pressure, its not worth it. Don’t be desperate, good things come to those who wait for it. Trust in the Lord and He will do the best for you AT THE RIGHT TIME.
    It’s okay to wish you were the bride and It’s okay to dream. Open your heart to the possibilities of your dreams coming through with the person God will direct to you.
    In the meantime, stop searching and love yourself. Love your company, love your family, love your career, love your friends, travel the world and be everything that you want to be.
    I believe that your love is just stuck in traffic…be patient and don’t settle for less.

    I’m 30years old, Single and Sensuous!

  • April Laugh September 16, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Hello beautiful,

    I read your comment and I can’t help but reply you.

    You’re 35years old, yes. You want to get married, yes. You want to have babies, yes. Don’t we all want all these beautiful things in life? Will I be defined by these things? No.

    Do you know the number of people that got married in 2012 and are no longer together? Do you know the number of women that are suffering and smiling in their marriages? Do you know the number of couples who wish that they were never married?

    Don’t put yourself under any form of pressure, its not worth it. Don’t be desperate, good things come to those who wait for it. Trust in the Lord and He will do the best for you AT THE RIGHT TIME.

    It’s okay to wish you were the bride and It’s okay to dream. Open your heart to the possibilities of your dreams coming through with the person God will direct to you.

    In the meantime, stop searching and love yourself. Love your company, love your family, love your career, love your friends, travel the world and be everything that you want to be.

    I believe that your love is just stuck in traffic…be patient and don’t settle for less. :)

    • Ella September 16, 2013 at 1:31 pm

      Now thats throwing ice water on her face not faith’s comments. You think shes happy to ‘wash her dirty linen outside’ Well said April

      • April Laugh September 16, 2013 at 3:49 pm

        Thank you Ella. I wrote about being Single and Sensuous here: aprillaugh.com/1176

    • Miss Anonymous September 16, 2013 at 3:41 pm

      “I believe your love is just stuck in traffic”. Haven’t heard that one up until now :-)

  • Busarni September 16, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    My dear, i feel you much. We all want to be married, you stirred sth within me. Dont despair n dont give depression a chance to creep in. I know it is very easy to dish out advice buh what else can one do,but to hope on the Almighty. You are not alone my friend, Hugs

  • me September 16, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    As a man thinketh so is he………….

    • Intoxyka September 17, 2013 at 11:38 am

      There should be a like button on the comments section Bella. totally loving this comment…so apt

    • Evilicious September 18, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      My dear thank you for this comment!! What? Wishing and hoping wont get u jack! U have to have faith and hold fast to your profession of faith! You have what u say, if u are speaking defeat over ur life, how do u expect to be successful? Remember the power of life and death is in our tongue. God formed the world through words. So think of how powerful words are. Change your attitude and confession, and u will see how things will take a turn for the better.

  • Lecker September 16, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    its a global issue, definitely not peculiar to you alone LOL! In the end, i guess sacrifices have to be made, loads of patience, understanding, without having to loose your identity will get you there. My sister na only God be your greatest ally o, not any bobo. It’ll happen just be mindful of these facts.

  • Tee September 16, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    God bless you Faith!!!!!!! U nailed it. Very inspiring

    • BabyDee September 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      Here comes Faith, as Tee. Bitterness oshi gbogbo…

      -Baby Dee

  • eniola September 16, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    LOOOL @ ”GOBAL ISSUE”. Take your mind of it, it will come.

  • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    I’m gonna give you a good hug sweetie. I know what it feels like cos I went through it. I actually gave up when I hit 33 but thankfully I met my husby and …BOOM… just like that we clicked and got married. Trust me ‘late marriage’ is not at all bad contrary to what people say, at 30+ you’re mature, more sensual and more established and you most importantly you know what you want, the good qualities you’ve picked up all through the years will help make you a better wife and mum. Trust me the quality you have on your checklist are very reasonable and you’re on the right track, your boo will sort you out, court you and gleefully marry you iJn!!! xoxo

    • Rooney Mara September 16, 2013 at 2:04 pm

      I Love Your comment. God bless You

  • Person September 16, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Hello beautiful,

    Although I am not 35 yet, I feel your pain. I really do. By any standards, I have a great life, but I know what it means to go home to an empty apartment, to close a huge deal and not have that one person to celebrate with. At the IFI where I work, I see accomplished women everyday in this situation and it is heart breaking. Nothing wrong with being single, but if you want to be married, it is hard to enjoy that single life, no matter how good it is. Nevertheless, do NOT give in to depression and self-pity. Those are unattractive traits that repel good men! (This is what I think o!) If you believe in God and His plans, recognise this is what God wants for you right now. In His appointed time, He will do what is best for you. If marriage never happens, maybe it isn’t what the Father wants for you. Are you willing to accept that? In the meantime, live your life; advance your career, travel, see the world and make a difference. You are not alone (hugs)!

    Love,

    A fellow single sister

  • Gbemmy September 16, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Everybody has a right to write anywhere, guess she was overwhelmed at that point and wanted to pour her heart out , her comments didn’t stop the wedding or has not even removed anything from the pictures , eh yah Jare Miss 35 it is well am sure you feel so much better now that you have shared your problem

  • Thatgidigirl September 16, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Wow!!!! Whilst I think faith was a bit extreme, but truth be told she nailed it. U need to thank God everyday that u don’t have bigger problems distracting you, cos if u did……

    • Faith September 16, 2013 at 2:20 pm

      Thank you. I guess problems are relative

  • Wale September 16, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    You should pray not just for a man you love BUT one that loves you too. I am over forty and I have chosen to live my best life and if during the course of living I find “the one” at least I will recognize it because I know myself so well now and I have grown and I am established
    -don’t dwell to much on it and try not to force it. Sometimes God wants us to be ready to accept his biggest reward for us.
    To those of you complaining that she dropped her comment on the Benson wedding page try to understand that looking at these beautiful weddings can sometimes be emotional even for those who are married. I am sure she didn’t mean it as an obstruction or to divert attention but rather as an appreciation of the beautiful couple and their luck.

    • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      Three cyber hugs for your comment….

  • Guvnor September 16, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Dear lady,
    Dnt really av much to tell u…relax ur mind and be prayer.send ur number to my email addy.Everytin is possible b4 God

  • fola September 16, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    I will say this … I agree with folake .. please stop calling a pity party to your self my dear… I will be turning 34 in November and I was engaged twice… it hurt like hell going through what I went through.. but guess what?… I m living my life and doing what I LOVE to do .. and then God brought Him .. I wasn’t looking, he came looking for me …. and its been amazing I cannot wait to share my full testimony here.. I know without a doubt that its not easy .. in my case I have a sister who got married before me and its three years now … but I waited and now see what God has done.. my dear God has said NONE shall lack her mate .. ISAIAH 34 VS 16 the one person u cannot give up on is God he will do it in his time and it will be beautiful!!!! never give up .. live your life .. be happy .. be beautiful … do not be desperate cause if you do it will show and that is one thing men hate.. get a hobby ,, travel cos believe me a time will come when you wished you lived your life , instead of waiting for what will come eventually, men are looking for happy independent classy women who are busy and my dear guess what 30- 35 is the new 25 LOL .. relax my dear and please do not do this again .. this should not define you .. my Guy is in awe of me .. and I am amazed don’t worry I will share this story soon here!!! xoxo

  • fola September 16, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    sorry faith

  • Asgrl September 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    I’m a bit troubled by BN’s decision to post this comment as an Aunty Bella article, not a just seperate Article, An Aunty Bella one. WHERE in the article do you see her asking for help? What I read was a woman coming to terms that she MAY never have this great love story that everyone else seems to be having.

    She doesn’t in anyways seem in despair and recognizes that she is not at all alone in her struggle. While I get that the BN team was uncomfortable with leaving the comment in the Benson wedding post, she was not in anyways disrespectful and actually wished the couple well.

  • Mz Socially Awkward... September 16, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    So, your comment stayed on my mind even after I’d dropped my own well-wishes to Amaka & Yomi and shut down that page.

    Only to come back and see Bella had migrated you to an independent page of your own… I’m not going to come down hard like someone above me who referred to women in Syria and such like (to which I always say – abeg, even though some parts of the world are suffering right now, their troubles do not prohibit everyone else from having other individual troubles of their own)… But I will say that “Nwa nne m, o ga di gi mma” (my sister, it will be okay with you). Continue to be happy for others, continue to wish them well as you watch their own joy unfolding.

    As you purpose to not allow this one thing you’ve desired to stop you from celebrating & rejoicing with others, God will keep watching over your prayers. Encourage yourself with His Word and the testimonies of other people.

  • Senator. September 16, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    One better be careful with the way these ladies get desperate for having babies and more..
    Wonder what you did all your 20s..
    Not to judge anyone of your calibre but feeling pity for someone in your shoes sure has to got to come with loads of History.
    I do wish you the best though and as far as you deviate to have a better positive outlook,.. Then I think things might finally go your way. Also, friendship is way better than anything at this stage you’re In.. Do all you can to come off as “Less Desperate” and you probably stand a better chance.

    • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm

      What they were doing in their 20′s was dodging ignorant men who go around calling themselves senators while they’re noting but misogynist bottom feeders. Bet you have several 30+single female relatives and have never bothered to ask them what their struggles are but you just sit down in your living room judging them. God help your ignorance and insensitivity.

    • Person September 16, 2013 at 1:58 pm

      Excuse me?! Are you crazy or just stuck on stupid? I am trying so hard not curse you out right now. I assume you are a man cos only a man drunk on his male privilege can be daft enough to write something like this. You wonder what “we all with our 20s”. You assume she has history. You tell people to be careful of ladies desperate to have babies as if you need to be in a relationship to have babies. AI and sperm banks?! Does that ring a bell? Like seriously, I can deal with a lot of things but stupidity gets me every single time. Which is what you have displayed here. Bella Naija used to be for adults capable of having rational viewpoints but I wonder where yall appearing out of woodwork are coming from! Bloody hell!
      P.S! BellaNaija, post my comment o!!!

    • creamy September 18, 2013 at 9:51 am

      u want to know wat we did in our 20s Mr/Ms senator?
      we lived, we loved, we went to school, we started businesses, we got jobs, we enjoyed relationships, we got our hearts broken, we got close to God and most importantly avoided insensitive air heads like you.

  • Kemi September 16, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    I just want to say that there is death and life in our tongue and we have to be extremely careful with what we utter. I know your pain and especially in a society as ours that unmarried women of that age are usually tagged with various names. But its not the end yet and your dream man can still come and will come if you hold on to faith. But you saying “I can’t” is already a sign that you’ve lost hope. Rejoice with those rejoicing and keep saying positive things to yourself and I can assure you that sooner or later your dream man will come. With God there are no impossibilities. Goodluck

  • Hurperyermie September 16, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    God’s time to me is the best be prayerful, watch your character, be less expensive, am not saying you shouldnt look good but be moderate and dont stop believing the right man will come sooner than you expect

    • Plato September 17, 2013 at 7:11 am

      Be less expensive? Please explain.

  • chima and onyeka September 16, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    pls wat happened in chima and onyeka story

    • tutsie September 16, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Mr Chima (Oil and gas entrepreneur acc to BN) married onyeka in Jan of 2011 fastforward March? of 2013, he married miss Nzeribe :) my aproko quota for today is done o

      • Ada Nnewi September 16, 2013 at 5:30 pm

        ROTFLMAO!!!!

  • Dee September 16, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Whatever it is you’re thinking and feeling is exactly what is in the process of becoming. If you think there’s no hope for you to be married, you are so right, if you think it will happen, you are right too. Thoughts become things. Make your dreams come through by changing your thoughts and watch your life go from glory to glory.

  • BBD September 16, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    for me i guess it all boils to the female individual cause some of us wants eveythin in a man and not wanting to grow with him when nothing or not even known.. Just keep the faith up and plesssssssss give chance to the one thats a goal getter….might not have now but if you can see the drive in him,then go ahead my dear…God help us all…

    • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 2:05 pm

      Did you read the article at all? Maybe you did but did you process it and understand it? Na wa sha.

    • banimo September 17, 2013 at 3:00 am

      LMAO @BBD…e be like sey you miss road o!

  • tatafo September 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Oh dear. It is well with you my dear. Keep the faith, when you least expect it your time will come.

  • Kams! September 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Faith – get over your damn self! Meanie oshi! Ahan Ahan – Women we are own worst enemy. She shared something on her heart because looking at those wonderful pictures triggered something in her. An ache, a wish, a longing. Do you know what a 35 yr old goes through from Family to friends etc Haba have some compassion!!!! Kilode! Faith – may God touch your heart and soften it small.

    Darling Ms 35 – I am younger but also want what you want and I can only pray and ask that you keep on keeping on and live the best life you can by being the best you, you can. God help us all find our prince. Sooner rather than later is all. I respect you for not settling so many people do. God please send my man too – that I will connect with – be a fool around.

    It is well with us.

  • kadjalli September 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    HAVE TRUST IN THE ALMIGHTY GOD , THE TIME WILL COME WHEN YOU WILL GET YOUR MAN FOR LIFE , JUST CONTINUE PRAYING AND DO NOT LOSE HOPE!

  • olajumoke September 16, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    SInce you noticed that the frontline women in your famil are single mothers, probably God is trying to protect yu from the sane status by giving you the perfect man…. Start praising instead and dont stop hoping and praying. God can never forget you…. Meanwhile, try and be happy, no man wants an unhappy woman…

  • anonymous babe September 16, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Abeg,my uncle just got married to an over 30 lady on my mum’s recommendation.We thought a lady that age would be mature but boy where we wrong.Very stubborn,doesn’t listen to my uncle,can’t cook,always puts her family first,I could go on and on.In fact,she even insulted my mum on their wedding day.if my uncle had dated her for 3months,they wouldn’t have gotten married.Please my sisters,sometimes our attitude drives men away from us.All we need some times is to look inwards

    • Asgrl September 16, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      So what exactly is your point again? All over 30 women have issues? You personal family situation is not the narrative for all over 30 angle women!

      • BeautyFULL September 16, 2013 at 3:27 pm

        My point is that even though we are older we shouldn’t just assume we have all it takes to make a good wife.Keep working on yourself even as you wait.Also in reply to some posters who said older is more mature,more sensual and established and so on.I never said all over 30 women have issues.After all,I got married @ 29 which is almost 30.

  • dee September 16, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    My Dear 35 yr old, i feel u o… and for pple who are saying stuffs like ‘some women are going thru the worse, some wanna trade for your problems..bla..bla.. well, no matter how ‘little’ ones challenge is…its still a challenge, we can only thank God ours isnt as bad.. it is well..just keep being patient and prayerful..we will all get married to the Men of our dreams(amen).

  • Funmi September 16, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    My advise to u…. Compromise is the key word …. Ur perfect man remain in ur dream so my love may be u need to go through ur check list again and make some adjustment to ur requirement of what u want in a man as u know u urself….. U are not perfect and can never have everything any man will be looking for in their woman…..life is compromise

    • Changing Faces September 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      Where from the write up did you see her searching for a perfect man? Learn to read before you start writing rubbish! Wanting a man who is perfect for her doesn’t mean he must be perfect!!!

  • Dr N September 16, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I can really relate to this totally:though married now but the pressure in our society to get married as u get older is relentless.
    All I can tell u is that I don’t know ur story but God makes all things gd if u believe no matter how dificult it is to visualise.
    I finished medical school at 24 and got married at 30,those 6yrs I really enjoyed my life, knowing who I was , , travelling and moving on in my career.pple around me were hell bent on making me feel inadequate but I never stopped believing God cos when I was looking. Love found me.
    I believe u have ur Missing rib to out there waiting to find u and shal find u.Do not lose hope r settle for what u wldnt normally settle for . Best of luck

  • Dr N September 16, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    When I wasn’t looking. I meant

  • justsaying September 16, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Faith u said your peace now STFU and stop backtracking. Imagine someone married to that, no empathy or nothing. Mrs Harsh. Move right along. You were the first to comment and said your peace. Id hate to ever meet someone like you. Zero empathy. Horrible trait and characteristics. SHOO. Double finger click over my head, tufiakwa. Am scared of you.

    • Faith September 16, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      Aaaaw, you sound really riled up. Do you want cold water? Lol. I am not backtracking but stating why I had to come across as harsh. Obviously you did not see that angle. I have lots of empathy. Tough love doesn’t mean no empathy. If comprehension is an issue for you no need. For those that got where I am coming from and commented. Bravo to them.

      • Smiley September 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

        Tough love to someone you don’t know?… True true, you’re a very scary someborri

      • Non professional opinion September 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm

        Most people get what you were trying to say, but you were over the top and quite mean. As someone else stated, your ice water felt more like boiling water and that leaves scars.

      • The real Tolu September 16, 2013 at 5:58 pm

        Tough love ko…abeg carry your fake Nancy Grace wannabe behind out of here, and you can shove that tough love where the sun don’t shine while u are at it…Cruella Daville!!!

      • chioma September 16, 2013 at 6:07 pm

        I feel sorry for the man who marries thid one, id hate to have a sister in law like your kind. Why dont you kick one in the belly whilst they on the floor. My goodness, what kind of person are you, so mean and heartless, and the fact that she was the first to comment on this thread. Na wa ohhhhhhhhh.

      • Chuko September 17, 2013 at 5:35 pm

        I think the point is though tough love is good,you really cant offer it to someone you don’t know and even at that you should first of all rub her back very well before bringing out the tough love. If we were friends and you show that kind of tough love you would bring out the worst in me.

  • miomi September 16, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    My dear, the only way to through this is to be prayerful. When I am feeling blue and lonely, I just go on my knees to God in prayer and standing up 30 minutes later, I always feel a whole lot better. I am (just) 26 years old but the way my mom goes about this marriage issue makes me feel like I’m 46. My two elder sister married at 20 and 21 respectively so to my mom, I am already an old maid. She wakes me up at midnight at least once a week to ask me “how far”, she sees me with a guy and next thing she asks is “when is he coming to the house?”, any of my childhood friends brings a wedding IV to the house and she gives me this “look” for days. The fact that I’v not had any meaningful relationship sef in the last one year has not helped matters. Like I told her last week, shebi na man go marry me,no be me go marry myself so the man must come,I no fit dash myself husband na. Nne, jiri ya nwayo. God has not forgotten us and sooner than you and I think, he will remember us and make us smile again.

  • Fiyin-X September 16, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    True Life Testimony:
    I used to work in one of the top Nigerian banks; My former boss got married at thirty nine years. Prior to this time, All of us did not understand where she got her inspiration from, Generally, I if you worked in my bank at the time , you really don’t want to work under the class of Managers we silently refer to as ‘EXPIRED SPINSTERS’… Please don’t crucify me here, they earned this name because 98% of them were cruel, wicked, heartless and insensitive bosses who made life difficult for people around them. It seemed at time that it was a default physiological setting for them.
    In the middle of them was this beautiful inside out boss of mine who by age belonged to this class but was the complete opposite of her contemporaries, she consciously refused led by her circumstance, she loved her life, dressed well, respected everybody around her including drivers, cleaners and Tea girls, She took us out to the movies at her own expense, She had open house for us at Christmas, She payed for people’s antenatal and maternity bills,She sponsored weddings for far junior members of the team, She listened to you and cared about your welfare, She attended weddings of junior staff no matter the distance, (nnewi, Ilorin, bmakurdi,zaria name it)……..I can’t even begin to say
    Lo! She met this Fabulous drop dead gorgeous 42 year old single(never married) dude ( an oil and Gas customer of the bank)…Today the rest is history… Big sister has spent three years in Marriage with her hubby in their Parkview Ikoyi mansion
    My favourite part of the story…..Medical science suggests that women who marry late may experience some level of difficulty in making babies…..In her case, our darling boss had her baby exactly ten months after her wedding, while she was pregnant, she came to work every single day including Thursdays after ante-natal, (No morning sickness, no eczema, no spitting, No funny allergies….)
    MY POINT
    Focus on becoming a better person, Love God, Love people, Love You, Believe, Have Faith, Maintain a positive attitude …You great life will happen

    • justsaying September 16, 2013 at 2:38 pm

      I love you for this positive encouraging testimony. At least you are nice and have great empathy and know how to speak positivr to encourage people, unlike some wicked mean heartless no empathy Queens on here. Nice story. Very uplifting. I wish your ex boss, happy married life too. So so beautiful testimony. Some ppl just know how to speak -its so heart warming.

    • Thatgidigirl September 16, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      @ fiyin-x I looooooove!

    • Person September 16, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      I am encouraged!!! Amen to your great life will happen! In fact, it is already happening!

    • Que September 16, 2013 at 4:10 pm

      I had zero plans of leaving a comment then I came upon ur comment…. I didn’t see my tears coming but they did…I learned something already from her. I pray she continues to bless and be blessed. Best wishes!

    • ima September 17, 2013 at 3:30 am

      best comment for me..and your advice is priceless.

    • JJ September 17, 2013 at 10:02 pm

      Thank YOU my sister for those encouraging words. Really true true. Fiyin -x
      there are so many insights to this testimony, bring to light the kingdom of God. May your boss be blessed and you also for not keeping this story to your self and sharing. In Jesus Name Amen

  • SMK September 16, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Dear Miss 35,
    I will encourage you to be strong in the lord, and never give up. At God’s appointed time, he will grant your wish. i was married once and it only lasted one year and some months.
    That was 5 years ago.I was 32 then.Last year, God gave me a companion, friend, helper, lover. Am happily married at 37 and living the dream. It is well!

  • jcsgrl September 16, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Aunty Faith, pls don’t tell someone who is going through hurt to put it in their diary. If they don’t let it out, how can they get help? do you want someone who wants to commit suicide out of depression to just express such thoughts in their diary? Please go easy on her.
    @ Hello Beautiful…nothing much to add to what other people have said. Its hard to wait on God for your time but you can do it. You’re strong and resilient. Please don’t ever give up hope on finding the kind of love you dreamed of. God can give you exceedingly and above all you can think of. Pls don’t let such confessions come out of your mouth. You will find love, beautiful one and you will enjoy it. See yourself with that one even when the options seem gleam. If you know the story of Abraham. God told him to look at the stars and count them and that his descendants will be like the stars. God said it to someone who couldn’t have children. But he hoped against hope. Keep your hope alive. Ask God to show you a vision of the man he has for you and tell him what you want. He will show you and you can start preparing yourself.
    As for me, I’ve asked God to show me the type of children he got for me and my oh my! I can’t wait to nurture those cuties. I’ve even looked at schools, summer camps, activities I would love them to do. That’s how I keep my hope alive. Hugs to you beloved

    • Mz Socially Awkward... September 16, 2013 at 7:24 pm

      @Jscgirl, “i ga bu ezigbo nne”. I don’t know you personally but your words come across as someone who’s truly desiring to be a great mum. May your own testimony in this one area be written by the Almighty Father and as someone already said here, please come back to BN to share it for others to be encouraged.

      • jcsgrl September 17, 2013 at 5:42 pm

        Aww nne thank you oh. I can’t wait to share. chukwu gozie gi!

      • TA September 18, 2013 at 12:27 pm

        Now i know why I love Mz Socially Awkward and Jscgirl very much; they both rock :-)

  • BEAUTIFULWEDDING September 16, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    I’m amazed at how much response my comment garnered.
    To Faith: You don’t know me so don’t please don’t judge me. I have a career, I have travelled, I am enjoying my “single life”, I have a great family, good friends. But I want a life partner, I want my own family. Marriage, motherhood is certainly not a milestone as you have put it, but these are things I want for myself. Sue me for voicing out my concern.

    To everyone that commented, thanks for the advise, the encouraging words, I posted that comment just as I got out of bed, it may not have been the right place to do it & for that I apologies for putting my problems on a story celebrating the couple. But to those saying I am desperate I am far from it, if I was I’d be married by now.

    My fear is that I will not find what I am looking, that love that people seem to be celebrating the world over. Its not about a big wedding for me or finding mr. perfect. I want a man that gets me, someone who will be my LIFE partner, not 5 year partner, someone who we will carry each others burdens & celebrate each others victories. I know marriage isn’t easy I have seen too many divorces which is why I haven’t said yes to any of the 2 men that are currently asking me.

    These are men who are doing extremely well financially, handsome, dress well etc But suitor A screams at me when he gets upset, he has never hit me but he has a violent rage in him. Suitor B says he wants to marry me, I’ll be great mom, etc but I each week I see pictures of this man on Instagram carrying on with different women at events, he says it’s just work (he’s an events promoter) & I’m being paranoid, my aunt even told me to marry him that he will change. But in as much as I don’t even feel that “thing” for either men, and I am lowering my standards as I have been advised to, even though my standards are far from high (I have dated a guy who didn’t have a job and was so broke I supported him & I had it thrown back in my face) I have opened myself up to each but I don’t want to deal with serious marriage wahala. After waiting this long that would be a shame.

    Thanks everyone for your advise, it’s not like I don’t have faith in God. I just feel maybe marriage & kids may not be part of my destiny and as such I have made peace with it. If my honesty offends…sorry.

    With all that said I am about to book a girls trip, but let me tell you the truth I would rather be doing it with my boo.

    Sorry for the long post

    • slice September 16, 2013 at 3:07 pm

      come and marry my friend jare. I like a girl who can speak her mind and he does too. The point is you didn’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade so you’re not a bad person. if you’re in the U.S. or similar countries with trustworthy paid matchmakers, why don’t you use the trip money to hire a matchmaker or try online dating? I say a matchmaker because when you’re having a hard time getting something you want (whatever it is), it’s a good idea to get someone who knows what they are doing to help.

      You have the right idea in wanting to meet the right guy and not settle. you just need some help getting that. Where are you based? (if you don’t mind sharing that)

      • Nicole September 16, 2013 at 11:46 pm

        Great Advice, I feel you on that one. I have been using eharmony for close to two years now, and I met amazing people of my taste. Some I dated and some who turned out to be very good friends…. I recommend it @ Miss 35

    • Awia September 16, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      Albeit some differences here and there, your story sounds a lot like mine. I am no Expert, I am just living my life to the fullest one day at a time. The piece of advice I can give you though, is that you should never settle. I have also been told before that my standards are too high. I refuse to accept that. Everyone should have a standard. I am not looking for a Bill Gates, or Morris Chestnut lookalike. I want a LIFE PARTNER.

      Those 2 men you mentioned sound like trouble to me. Listen to your intuition. Remember that you are the one who will be waking up next to that hubby every morning for the rest of your life. So my dear pls keep those standards of yours and remember that you CANNOT change a human being. God’s time is the best/ In his own time he will put everything in place.

    • slice September 16, 2013 at 3:28 pm

      please nobody should be mad o. not stereotyping some guys. just trying to help this sister. but if at 35, you are very ready to have kids, try to date guys over 41. Their own clock is ticking at this time as well and they too are under pressure from family and they can also see their own bodies are starting to change from the former firm self. If u meet someone like this, usually you are both yearning for each other and ready to start a family too so they are generally willing to move faster and won’t term you desperate for wanting to be married soon.

      Plus if you really have money like that, consider freezing your eggs. the procedure costs about $10k last i read about it but it could help reduce your anxiety about not being able to have kids if you don’t get married asap.

      T.D. Jakes said something profound. If you focus on your history. YOu will miss your destiny. some people make ask you rightly or wrongly why u didn’t meet someone before now. That doesn’t even matter b/c you’re probably berating yourself for the same reason anyway. What matters is where you are today and what you want your future to look like. A good man that loves you. So focus on that and Nse Ikpe Etim. fine girl married at 37

    • onlyifyouknew September 16, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      Long post my foot. I for a person really admire your comment/posting/venting/confession…. let it be tagged by any name. I appreciate it when people talk about their happily ever after, be it realistic or not. But one thing i don’t seem to swallow well is when they make it a focal point to make themselves miserable and not live a happy live. So far as you can still have fun, have loads of it. Trust me when he comes, you will think you never had fun. I personally have a “Big Sis” who just got married. Trust me, she got all the bad eggs smashed on her. Even up till a few days to her wedding, back biters and haters were still howling the best way they could. But above all, what i saw in her was happiness and fulfillment and thats what i want you to hold on to dearly. Your happiness and fulfillment, it could be you end up single…. that’s cool; and if you get married, super cool too. I don’t know who you are, but i just have this aura about you that you are superbly cool and you will get your desires.
      Don’t listen to what haters have to say, cuz they really wished to be in your shoes. Take a happy picture of yourself every time and post on social media if you want or keep where you wanna keep. Being alive is hope for what is being hoped for and far beyond our desired imagination. Just keep rocking!

    • The real Tolu September 16, 2013 at 6:32 pm

      Writer, Don’t sell yourself short… If you feel nothing for Suitor A or B, then don’t pursue it any further. I was once set up with this guy, correct guy o, who would be considered a catch here stateside, he was tall, well mannered, successful, no kids, religious and good looking ( an anesthesiologist ), he was really interested, but I just couldn’t go through with it. He bore me but I kept going on those dates, telling myself love will eventually grow…my sister, what grew was resentment, towards him, and most of all towards myself. Then came Mr Merrill Lynch, same scenario, except this time, I hurt the poor boy who felt I led him on. I cried, I never meant to hurt anyone….I just was not sure and wanted to hold on to a good thing while I made up my mind. Moral of the story…. If the attraction is not there, if u ain’t feeling it…let it go. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with u or that person… He is just not right for u. With Mr Instagram, personally I will advise make u waka fast, most of the time dudes let u know what the deal is in a subtle way, or in this case, not so subtle…lol. He couldn’t be that serious with u if he is macking other babes, so my dear shine your eyes…. U ain’t the only one in the picture and if u choose to hold on, keep him on the back burner with the fire turned down real low, don’t get your hopes up with him. Keep dating, and most importantly have fun on your dates….don ‘t over analyze it.

      • TA September 18, 2013 at 12:00 pm

        You sound like such a cool cool person! May God bless you.
        @ BN Team ,maybe its about time we had a PM function (Private
        message) where users can exchange email addresses and make further
        contact. PLEASE!

    • God is in control September 16, 2013 at 7:10 pm

      pls i need your contact…i need us to be friends…i’m a girl going thru a lot at the moment.(NOT A LESBO)people say i’m just too uptight…i feel like i can learn one or two things from you.pls drop your bbm contact or email if possible.it is well my sister.

      • slice September 16, 2013 at 9:22 pm

        no vex but please find somebody who can help you find a man. Misery loves company and no i’m not saying you are miserable. i’m trying to say find someone to help you get what u want and let her do the same. she has enough girlfriends. you both need a man. No more girlfriend dinners. dates only.

        when your married girl friends ask you out for girls’ night, tell them to set you up on a date and after the date, you’ll come and gist them what happened. by storm or fire. we shall find you a good man :)

    • Nicole September 16, 2013 at 11:54 pm

      This reminds me of someone I dated sometime ago…… He was funny, playful, romantic and sensual but yelled like a mad man each time he got upset or when I tried questioning something questionable, he even used curse words……… Flee from such guys my dear, thats where domestic violence starts……

    • omada September 17, 2013 at 8:18 pm

      I feel you jare. And you do not owe anyone an explanation. You have everyright to want to find love.

      All the best. And please don’t settle, its not worth it.

    • JJ September 18, 2013 at 12:21 am

      hi girl
      thanks for being honest and sharing
      Fear = who said you are naked. My advice will be if you are a Christian. take time to fellowship with God. Get wisdom in regards to the season you now in .. … For example Pastor Benny Hinn on re marriage journey, Michelle Hammond on being single, etc..
      1. you will achieve that God loves you not based on things or people. no matter if the whole world tells you we don’t love you. You will know that God loves you.
      2. You will reign in life
      Adam was whole that’s when Eve came to the picture. And equally when the union was materialised that’s when the devil introduced himself. Hope you get what am saying.
      I don’t want to give steps here but initially from the moment you fellowship with the Holy Spirit He will minister to you personally. God bless you and God loves you. You have impact a lot of people who don’t know they are lonely…………. and brought out solutions for those who are silently seeking.

    • B.O.O. September 18, 2013 at 4:07 am

      Sorry oh but Faith is the one you should be thanking for spanking sh!t out of your system. All those people sympathizing with you are only looking for people like them. They pitying themselves just like you so its easy for them quickly be on the defense mood as soon as they see people like Faith or comments like her. My advice for you is what Faith has given you. Good luck to you, if thats a good thing sha.

    • Jamce September 23, 2013 at 10:45 pm

      @Beautifulwedding, well said. A lot of ladies are in your situation. I like the fact that you are not desperate and being careful in your choice of a man. I will advise that you stay away from the two men you mentioned. The man with the violent trait is only trying hard to restrain himself for now in order to win you. Once married, he will be uncontrollable… I may not be an expert in these matters, but I have seen a lot of such men turned to real beasts. Also, the show promoter who is always in the company of ladies, it comes with the business turf. Only God can keep such men from falling. I do not know how much he fears God, as it is only the fear of God that can restrain us (like Joseph and Portipher’s wife) from certain “pleasures” when readily available. Since it is already an area of concern to you, I’ll suggest you pass on that also. If you truly trust God to give you the best man He has created for you, take the matter to Him in prayer, set aside your own idea of a husband, tell Him you need His own choice for you. His choice for you may not be your standard at first, but with time, you will be so thankful to God that you left the choice to Him. Am a man speaking from personal experience. My wife of today is not of my own standard, but I thank God so much for her… Peace has been my portion. God bless you.

  • iyabo September 16, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    at 28, i settled for a man my friend and family thought was best for me. 11 years later, i’m miserable and looking for a way out. my point is, being married does not guarantee happiness. try to find happiness wherever you are. don’t settle but be realistic and remember, you determine your own happiness.

    • TheCalm September 23, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      Thank you very very much for your comment. If more married people were truly honest about the state of their marriage to the single ladies, Nigeria would be a better place. Rather, most married women cry in doors but boast outdoors about how fabulous being married is whilst single ladies crave to “fabulousity” without having the full facts. Don’t get me wrong, I believe marriage is a great institution but we really do have to learn how to exercise patience and trust God in waiting for this “The One”. Please darling trust God, I have seen so many women get married in their mid thirties and are super duper happy…and guess what?? most of them say the wait was soooooo worth it. If you have waited this long, why compromise??? ehnn

      xoxo plenty love

  • Samantha September 16, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    I am sure you are not unattractive, but over the years to have told yourself that so that you justify the reason of why you remain single. My dearest dear I know you must hurting to have put your heart out on that wedding post. I might not have any immediate solution to your worries, but I can encourage you that God can never forget you. He said His thoughts for you are of good and not of evil. Believe that He has brought you this far and cannot leave you half way. He would complete the good work He has started in your life. This desire of yours to be married to a man you love and loves you back is not a challenge to God. He would not change because of this. My Dearest keep believing, broaden your horizon, (you don’t have to marry a naija guy), expand you views, change your circle of friends, make new friends, have lunch dates with colleagues, go to the cinema alone,( this allows you to be more approachable) , attend seminars, register at a cool gym, travel(there are always interesting people on the plane& airport lounges) and you would see it will all work out. Big hugs xxx PS here’s your 1st new friend! Me! email me if you ever want to meet up for Saturday brunch :D samanthauw@yahoo.com

    • Just a guest September 17, 2013 at 11:11 pm

      Please Bella, I don’t really understand people. Is it that they read what is written or they just glance through and take what their head tells them. Please where did you get the part where she referred to herself as unattractive? Mtshew SMH

  • muku September 16, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Miss35 next year about this time Miss36,If you can do get in touch with me on my email,
    You need to learn about the fullness of time

  • gentleman September 16, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    Bella why is it always females doing the wanting. Id love to see a feature here of a 35 plus year old man also seeking and hoping. I just dont understand why it seems like in thid life its always a female who is always wishing, fasting, praying or wanting. THAT IS NOT FAIR ON THE LADIES. GOD MUST BE A MAN FOR SURE AS THEY SAY.

  • temmie September 16, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    so u even have 2 ppl asking for your hand. ask me i ve none but i won’t kill myself and im over 30

  • Yeni September 16, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    My Sister, you shall be married, if God says you shall be married. Please don’t give up. Because with God, all things are possible. I have a word of encouragement for you, it’s actually a testimony. A woman got married at the age of 42 and she did not give birth to a child until the age of 52. She waited another 10 years to have a child. This is the Lords doing my sister. Again I say, you shall be married when God says it is time for you to be married. Amen.

  • Africhic September 16, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    It will happen when and how you least expect. I’m 37 and single and I still believe it will happen . I know where you are coming from but if the 43 year old would not give up why should you. But live your life don’t think that marriage is a destination where life becomes perfect. Enjoy your singlehood

  • nkechi September 16, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    i dont have much to say i will keep on praying you and all our single ladies outside there okey.

  • Ibinabo September 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    @ BEAUTIFULWEDDING, May God grant you, your good heart desires and help you to love yourself as much as you need someone to love you. Have a great day.

  • ebony September 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Its well dear… God has a reason for everything… I had to let go of a relationship cos I finally came to terms that my fiance is a serious unrepentant ogogoro drinker.. chei! see fine clean guy but he is addicted and since I am not a rehabilitation officer, I have to let go.. so here I am, back on the market but am not letting anyone especially that my neighbour who keeps asking of “awon uncle” depress me..

    • justsaying September 16, 2013 at 3:44 pm

      Ogoroo drinker? :) at least u saw it quick, but u leaving him might worsen his case abi?

      • ebony September 16, 2013 at 5:42 pm

        Babe! That wan na hin wahala oo. He is 32 and old énuff to know that he is gradually digging his own grave by drinking all those small green bottled locally made gin.

    • Jo! September 16, 2013 at 3:57 pm

      As in! Those awon uncle people…*sigh*

    • Aibee September 16, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      Story of my life. People still ask me of “awon uncle” and I say o wa. Even my family can’t understand why I broke up with such an “omo dada” but mehn, temi yemi.

  • mii September 16, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    from the spritual point of view, it sounds like a curse u said if am correct that ur mum nd grand mum are both single moms, u nid to break away from that curse, am by doin so first u need God(prayers)….

    • Person pikin September 16, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      Hian!

    • Nubianwaters September 17, 2013 at 2:57 am

      Roflmao!!!

      Oh please!

    • Ekene September 17, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      My point exactly

    • Roxanne September 17, 2013 at 3:29 pm

      hahahahahahahahahaahaha!!!!
      No matter how hilarious the post… the comments are always to die for!! #ROTFL

  • Sen September 16, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    Another heart aching factor about Nigerians is, we all only share condolences. How exactly will ladies in this category get Help?.. Should one come up with a professional dating site?.. Organize professional single events?.. There’s got to be some improvements other than consoling our sisters when the problem stays.
    Any suggestion will be much appreciated.. at least then we’ll know we’re moving forward¬
    As for the poster, You have such a huge courage not to suffer in silence. I have all the confidence that your wait is Over! Stay blessed.

    • Jonny September 16, 2013 at 8:17 pm

      Sen, thanks for pointing out the honest truth. It is as if you were reading my mind. As you mentioned, talking about a problem without devising ways to overcoming that problem is as good as doing nothing.
      I am actually in the same predicament. And to compound the problem, I live overseas in the US, where you have a better chance of being struck by lightning than having more than two dates in a year (depending on where you live). After some soul searching, I started a dating site called NaijaPersonals.com. Not sure if the folks at BN would be kind enough to publish the address, some folks here may benefit from it.
      In any case, I figured if all of us who are having this problem can meet in one communal setting, maybe, just maybe, some of us will find their life partners. The site is still relatively new and I am looking for people in the same predicament to populate the site (register and update their profiles). At this point the site functions well for people who use a regular PC (desktop/laptop). The mobile version has functional limitations. You cannot update your profile so others can see you. However, I am working on resolving this issue. I am currently running a free promo. There is no cost to use the site at this time.
      I would like to end by saying that a dating site may not be the magic bullet. While it does offer another avenue to meeting people, you still need to find ways to make yourself seen in your daily life.

      • slice September 16, 2013 at 10:57 pm

        go and join christianmingle.com (assuming you’re xtian). there are fine african brothers and sisters there. And while you’re at it, don’t limit ya sef to naija folks. what about that fine white sister you go to lunch with everyday. she fit be your wife na

    • Annie September 18, 2013 at 11:01 am

      Listen to Chaz’s B’s programme on 93.7 FM, he is planning on organizing a show, cupid Express for matured singles planning on getting married, u can send a text to 33973 with the word cupid express to show u are reaady to get hooked seriously…:) 5.30pm to 6pm, them 6.19pm to 7pm every week day, good luck :)

  • Bisi September 16, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    @beautifulwedding
    U r a greedy woman & u r too picky. u already have 2 men on your case who want to marry u. a lot of d single girks here championing ur cause have none. Most men cheat stop being picky. At ur age your choice is very limited, remember u r not 23 ooo Men don’t like old cargoes and at 35 my dear , u r pushing it. I advise you to choose the 2nd man apart from women of wich u have no proof apart from twitter pics. Be saying u dont want 2 settle I’ll be 45 & begging even wash man 2 marry u

    • chichi September 16, 2013 at 4:06 pm

      lord have mercy…I am so dumbfounded, i dont even know what to say…So ppl still reason like this??

      • Person September 16, 2013 at 5:51 pm

        Ah! E ma gba mi ke!!!! Jesu loluwa! In fact, I am weak. I have no words for you. Wow.

    • April Laugh September 16, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      Just wow!

    • Busola September 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      I opened my mouth whilst reading your comment… Are you for real??? You are one ignorant person if you are. No offence :( There are still good men out there, and not every man cheats. Please get over yourself.

    • Diseye September 16, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      Tamuno o!!! Where did this Bisi person crawl out from? Must be a joke or something…

    • Ready September 16, 2013 at 5:41 pm

      I wasn’t going to comment, but ode paraku nie. That’s some dumbass ish right there. Damn! Not everyone has low standards like you…this isn’t Ini-mini-mani-mo; she’s not asking for help to pick. You need to get your life and stay off social media till you learn to think and do better.

    • Iris September 16, 2013 at 6:23 pm

      Na to bind you with the blood of Jesus and rope – in that order. What the hell!

      • I Rock September 16, 2013 at 8:28 pm

        I was reading through the comments and came across Bisi’s shocking comment and your funny response and couldn’t help but looooooooool.

        @Beautiful Wedding, I was touched by what you wrote. Do not give up on God or on yourself. God will never forsake you or abandon you. He will surely give you the right man for you. Keep working on yourself, stay positive and make your heart desires known to God. I wish you the best.

      • Funmi September 17, 2013 at 10:48 am

        LMAO! In fact… You have said it all.

    • sisi eko September 16, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      are you kidding me with this response?!?!?!?!

    • Nicole September 17, 2013 at 12:20 am

      Apparently you are a local champion, who mistakenly got access to the internet

    • Nubianwaters September 17, 2013 at 3:03 am

      In MJ’s voice…speechless, speechless, that’s how you make me feel….right now!

    • Meandyou September 17, 2013 at 10:58 am

      mogbe! …Bisi you need JESUS…as in deliverance from yourself….tufiakwa….settle for anything

    • Ibinabo September 17, 2013 at 4:28 pm

      Abeg, where you come from?.. O_o

    • dinky September 18, 2013 at 8:32 am

      @Bisi, you are the definition of a -. I cant even begin to analyse ur comment. All men cheat, so she shld marry someone who is already rubbing it in her face before the marriage, so that she can be a single mother who is married? or she should marry someone who has the tendency of beating her in to a pulp? P.S, a lot of men cheat but not all men cheat! how do you know God cannot bless her with that 1% that doesn’t cheat? MUMU!! Next time you don’t av any meaningful thing to say, please, please keep that rude hole you call a mouth shut! and this is the last time I’m telling you nicely.

    • EOO September 18, 2013 at 11:48 am

      @Bisi, u got me to drop my first comment ever online! only shows how amazed i was wen i read your unscrupulous comment! kai! Were you seeking for notice somehow or you really meant wot u said? cos if u did mean it, then your issues are limitless and you don’t even know it. Am sure Madam Faith will be glad attention has been shifted from her to you.

    • creamy September 20, 2013 at 9:17 am

      Sir/Madam Bisi (since ur name is unisex) please go to Titi Arowolo’s grave and ask her what her marriage was like and wat its like to be killed by your own hubby. the lady is lucky enough to notice the red flags in these men in question and has bravely turned away and u call her greedy, if she came here and said her hubby beats her or her hubby gave her AIDS u will say did she not know the type of man he was before she married him. abeg take several seats and next time think before you post.

    • neola October 2, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      geez silliest comment ever made. you write in english so im assuming you are literate but of course uneducated…

  • Olu September 16, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    Beautiful wedding keep your head up, am single and searching as well. Just a few years younger tho. We can do drinks anytime.

    (Congrats to Segun Agbaje, Banker of the year)…………………….

    • slice September 16, 2013 at 7:26 pm

      abi o. see one man here. i’m all for practical solutions. assuming you be real man. BN this could be the first blind date you set up. in a safe public environment. PLEASE HEP DEM NA. ABEG. ABEG ABEG. yes I’m shouting

  • A firm believer in JESUS September 16, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Miss35, I believe that you will find your man! Your life partner! Your hubby! Don’t be discouraged and don’t give up. Just have faith. When it happens by the Grace of GOD pls don’t forget to share your testimony here on bellanaija! Will be praying for u!

  • Misseeninaction September 16, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    I admire miss 35′s honesty and ability to be vulnerable. Faith I think you have points but you need to find better ways of speaking, it’s worse cus you have no idea what kinda person miss35 is; ppl like you annoy me; for your rudeness n lack of tact to the truth! I read an article about 3 years ago about a lady like miss35 n her cousin responded just like Faith and the next morning; the lady was found hanging from a tree! You have no idea what ppl feel inside so please I beg you; it may not be your way to sugar coat and you may think bluntness is the best but please learn some tact cus you just never know! To miss35; 2 simple things: one – don’t give up! Don’t ever give up, you must feel lonely sometimes and reading happily ever afters don’t help but rather than feel down; use it as optimism that if they can find; you can find too! And two- don’t settle that God wants you to be lonely! It’s a lie! N once you believe it; you’ll settle for the person you really don’t want. Once you give up n enter settle zone it’s like you give off this appearance that has ‘settler’ written all over it! God loves you n wants you to be happy! Hold God responsible for that Word!

  • iba September 16, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Nawa. First thing i see is negativity. You are only 35 and not even 45. May you never wait that long IJN. LOL
    what am i saying? Well 35 is old enough but it is definitely not a death sentence. Far from it. I know of people who gave up on marriage but when love came it came and today they have kids. Another thing is that you sound like someone who has given up already. its a bit confusing. On one hand, you say you are not desperate then you say you are taking a girls trip then you say you’d rather be doing that with your boo. Then you say you dont think you’d find that special person. Ccome off it. Let me tell you men and indeed human beings can smell a defeatist attitude a mile off. I have a dear sister not up to 30 but is already weighed by this marriage issue. The other day she began dating again and just blurred out the fact she has found someone that no relationship she gets in seems to last. CAN YOU IMAGINE. i was shocked when she made that comment. To her it was mere talk but to me that is a big NO NO. You dont need a magician to know that relationship is no where today. That tells you something ; insecurity, doubt, fear can ruin what one has without them meaning for that to happen.
    So square your shoulder, pray, go about your daily life, keep improving yourself career and otherwise. He will COME TO YOU when it is the set time. If you think you like someone flash your green light. Oh yes i said it, you are a lady and know what to do. dont go jumping on anyone but just have a good attitude and pray about it, if he is yours he will come you way and ask you out dear. do you have things you always wanted to do in your life? a hobby, giving up more of your time in a particular church activity then go for it dear. Fill your heart and head WITH POSITIVES and let God do the rest.

  • prettybee September 16, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    Hahahaha! I loooovvvee Faiths comment. very true, realistic and on point! everything she said was not to berate or insult ‘Beautiful Wedding’ as it seems to have backfired somehow. For me, I like to look at the positive side of things and while as ‘beautiful weddings’ said it was an early morning and she was pouring her heart out, ‘Faith’ only helped her to zero her mind on the negatives and focus on the positives. dats it. sometimes we do need a good splash of (ice cold or boiling hot..worefa) water on our faces to jolt us to reality. if I were to pick friends from this post, Faith would be my first. Honest and wud be my best critic. In life, you need people like that, they are the ones that help you grow, not the ones patting your back. its called constructive criticism y’all.
    Now back to our beautiful 35 yr old sista. there is one thing I noticed isn’t included in your decision for a man, maybe it is, maybe its just an oversight not mentioned here… its God. when we as individuals begin to make God as our primary focus, life gets easier. I agree your not desperate cos if u are, like you rightly said, ull be married by now. In searching for a man, search for one who is grounded in Christ…. and d only way to knw one rily is to be one. Forget all dt crap pple say about women getting closer to God jst to marry, tel dem worefa! its my decision and you on your part, stick to it during the wait, after and in the marriage.
    About the guys u mentioned, well to be honest…… c hw it goes with the events promoter sha, seems like his sweet mouth will b plenty bet oh well..BUT for the one who screams…. well if he screams now, he’ll throw a punch later. Sister…..fleeeeee!
    Am a single sister too and ive learnt (scratch that, am learning) to enjoy each day, build my relationship with God and enjoy the little things. So get involved in activities (NGOs, teach a class(weird I knw, rite? push urself and try it), sports (nice place 2meet sm healthy men *shining teeth* not d pot- bellied ones at the bars/lounges) etc. All am saying is try smth NEW. if uve travelled lots of times, try writing about them or do any of the above I mentioned. Find urself, enjoy U. Hubby will come, kids will come…and when dey cm, dey’ll probly drive u crazy sef (jst kidding o, ehen).
    when you pray ask God to lead ur man to you and while God is doing that for you, think of the kind of woman that man will love, the kind that will keep him, his home and life in general happy and work towards being that person. Take time out and ask the women who have celebrated 30,40 yrs of marriage ( not the ‘hmm, I only stayed cos of my children o’ kind of negative minds) and ask them the secret to staying married for that long and still remaining friends (that’s what I do at least).
    To me, I think marriage is beyond love. it fades, bcomes confusing sef. but true friendship, hope, understanding remains even in the old and gray days. So don’t lose hope cos it is when u do, dat u attract all sorts of unnecessary pple. The law of attraction. its true and it rily works. It says u attract ur thoughts and feelings towards you (basic summary) so if u think negative, ull have sm negative, insecure man who feels d only way 2prove his masculinity is to mentally/verbally or even physically abuse u coming on to yer…but if u think positive, ull hv d confident, secure yet humble kinda person approach yer (not that am saying ur negative bt whenever u get dat feeling, try 2 brush it aside, soon ull learn to have it on replay in ur mind..lol (did I just use the word, replay?)
    Alrite, signing off nw…am sure sm pple r yawning alredi sef…lool.
    Good luck and soon we’ll hear ur wedding bells *wink* (Bellanaija, it must b free coverage o, dis is a lot of free publicity.hmm no dts gbese.. eh well, discount sha) Ciao!

    • segun September 16, 2013 at 5:15 pm

      Faith HELPED her kwa,? Really? Okay ohhhhhhhhh

  • segun September 16, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Bisi u are EXTREMELY very very STUUUUUUUUUPPPPID. I feel sorry for you.

  • Naveah September 16, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Mehhhhnnnn, I wanted to add my comments but I can’t breath after reading all these comments since I was bouncing between the slamming and the coddling. Na wa o.

  • Lili September 16, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    Saying “you will marry when God wants you to”, “pray hard”, “fill your heart with positives”, “love you siblings, neighbours…” are indeed far from bad advice, but also far from a solution plan. Why not ask ourselves, what practical actions can be taken to cater to the needs of this section of the population? Women, studies have shown are less likely to bottle up their feelings. That is why there are more vented frustrations from them than from the menfolk. But believe me a lot of men are also eagerly searching and giving in to despair. So what workable measures can we put in place? And how much are Nigerian singles willing to try news ideas?
    It could be matchmaking, a Nigerian dating site, regular city/state meet-ups, advert placements, referrals from well-meaning friends/colleagues, religious & non-religious get-togethers, whatever……. Let’s think out something.

  • Destiny September 16, 2013 at 5:40 pm

    Hi Miss 35 ……You are not alone in this. Sister Faith is correct although a bit harsh. I am a single sister as well and her comments did not encourage me whatsoever. But let’s not pour all her comments away. Like she said, which you agreed to, your family members and friends have encouraged you positively so you need a different view to the situation. Posting your comments here is the best thing because you can hear from people who don’t know you personally and exchange ideas.

    I feel you sooo much because nothing beats when you have that connection with the person, nothing at all. Travelling with your Boo instead makes perfect sense.
    In the name of marriage, I have a friend who is “happily married” and counts sheep when her husband is gyrating in her. Says counting helps her cope with the disgust she feels when he touches her. Just an example of when there is no connection.

    But like brother Sen said lets pool ideas together to deal with this issue-
    My tips: You see those 2 toasters, keep them close. Arrange a meal every other weekend with either or any other toaster. Offer to split bill (so that nobody is feeling used) but use these outing to shine. Wear your “feel good” clothes and smile as though they are the ones. Just because Mr Right might be around the corner and there is something about men wanting a woman in a different man’s arms and smiling. Flirt with yourself (it’s hard), look good each day as though something is happening. Make more friends for cinema and your dinners (It is difficult to sustain this as reality will always strike). Pick a new hobby with a friend (swimming, new language e.t.c). Try online dating…..trust me “nothing dey happen there” but just so that you would have satisfied your curiosity and your testimony will be complete when it happens, cos it will. Learn to laugh easily even at yourself. There are two options until the right partner comes – single and unhappy OR married and miserable.

    Make one male friend (a family member perhaps) who isn’t sexually interested and can act as your big brother. They are better as listening ears ….trust me. They get bored easily so it’s like a cue to stop moaning.

    Most importantly, develop a new relationship with God. Pray as though you are talking to your dad who is biased towards you. Tell him everything, from physical through job to sexual needs. Praise him every day by saying thank you and follow your 1st instinct always. Ask the Holy Spirit to take control daily.

    Men are in the same boat but they are not expressive as we are so that is why you don’t get to see as many posts from them. When they hit 40 theirs mothers then marry them off.

    • Mz Socially Awkward... September 16, 2013 at 7:33 pm

      @Beautiful Weddings has not been the only person to benefit from some of these really helpful, supportive & uplifting responses. Awwww, my BellaNaija sistahs, you can be a pretty awesome bunch of gals :-) (& yes, @Destiny, I verily agree with your tips on flirting with yourself, looking like a hawt mama-jammer everything you step out of your crib, picking up new activities and laughing at yourself. You gotta make jugs full of lemonade out of the not-so-pleasant situation of being in a single digit relationship)

      • Mckay September 17, 2013 at 9:04 pm

        @Mz Socially Awkward, you are an inspiration to sistahs too. God Bless you

    • Mckay September 17, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      God Bless you my sister

    • Mzlyrics September 18, 2013 at 5:35 am

      Destinyy oooo. U are too gbaski!!! In this sea of comments, yours was just on point! Miss 35, enough has been said already. I trust you would have great news for us soon. Keep us posted o.

  • QueenofEverything September 16, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    As much as half the reason I come on BN is for the comments, some of them are just unbelievable!
    Miss35, all I have to say is God makes all things beautiful in His time.
    Don’t lower your standards or compromise who you are while you wait, keep praying and trusting God and stay positive. I know some things are easier said than done but fight desperation at all costs, men can smell it from afar off and that either puts them off or make them abuse your time and taking advantage.
    Keep accomplishing and achieving things for yourself, keep climbing, stay smiling and stay strong.
    What’s yours will come to you when God wills it – only watch and pray.

  • Toyinfabs September 16, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    It’s a dark place to be in. it is really not funny especially in a society such as ours. Perhpas these two links will make you feel better,. 1. toyinfabs.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/thirty-two-jobless-single-and-yes-frustrated/ 2. toyinfabs.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/re-thirty-two-jobless-single-and-yes-frustrated-a-twenty-something-year-olds-response/

  • ccc September 16, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    On another note, Miss35, please check out Olu’s comments (3:52pm)…you never know!!!

  • madman September 16, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    Nigerian women and their obsession with this marriage business….. **sad**

    • Mz Socially Awkward... September 16, 2013 at 7:37 pm

      Ehnn, you go and counsel your brothers to step up to the plate and come correct, na. If their trifling attitudes weren’t such an issue, we won’t have more and more single gals being terrified of ending up in awful marriages. And, yes, I know it takes both people to make it work but so many men don’t even seem to be doing any of the work these days….

  • tunde September 16, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Thank You Madman, and the sad thing is they make it so obvious, It will be more attractive if they did not. We all want to get married but we men we dont wear it on our sleeves. Aba!!!

    • slice September 16, 2013 at 9:18 pm

      lol. I bet (or at least hope) they don’t show it when they are on dates with you guys. but i agree. the whole i want to get married yesterday can be a turn off even from a guy

    • SpecialK! September 17, 2013 at 6:02 pm

      Oh Shut up. Not just Nigerian women – Its just our men arent stepping and there appears to now be a shortage of some sort. Your right though – We need to broaden our horizons, no be only naija man be man!!!

  • Sunshine September 16, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    I feel your pain beautiful wedding. Your story is very similar to mine. I’m tired of looking. At least you even have female friends you hang out with. I don’t have any. Hmmm…God dey! It is well!
    Anyone looking to make friends, i’m in Houston, Texas.

    • Jonny September 16, 2013 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Sunshine, I would like the opportunity to talk to you. I’m in the US too and am looking. I have been looking for a long time. How do we connect? Well I started a dating site called NaijaPersonals.com for this reason. If you register on the site with the same name you have used here, I will know it is you and reach out to you. We can only try. If it doesn’t work between us, it might work for you and someone else. Thanks and God bless.

    • slice September 16, 2013 at 9:16 pm

      in texas ke? at least you can make friends there now. with all the redeemed churches left and right and all the community organizations in texas. please try small. sometimes hanging out with the “naija crowd” can be annoying, but it’s certainly not lonely so try that and take them in small doses

      • Nkem Morah September 17, 2013 at 1:21 am

        I know Slice. All those things are here in Houston. I find it very hard to go to somewhere by i i myself. Most times, I wish I had a female friend that we could go to occasions together like weddings. I get invited to these weddings by guys but I don’t want to go with them because we would both be labelled as a couple and I’m trying to meet a nice God fearing guy.

      • slice September 17, 2013 at 1:41 pm

        my dear Nkem, I feel you on the label stuff. We like to do that. but half bread is better than none. just go. get out of the house and be seen. just make sure the guy you go with knows you’re not interested in him so it won’t be a case of leading him on

    • Person September 16, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      My sister, I am in Maryland! Na the same thing o, walahi! No difference! No gf, nada. Currently overseas but would love to be friends when I get back.

    • sandy September 17, 2013 at 2:53 am

      Moving to houston next week. Drop your email.

  • ndidiamaka September 16, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Chei, chineke meh ohhh, BellaNaija don turn “dating site” – maybe yall can add that to your portfolio sha :)

    • Purpleicious Babe November 5, 2013 at 12:53 am

      As in…….. my sentiments exactly…too funny.

  • Happily married September 16, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    I know what it is like ‘cos I married late according to man but on time by Gods grace. The best advice I got was similar to that of Faiths during a sermon. I didn’t like what the pastor said initially. And felt he was mean and insensittive however I realised he said the truth no need. Having a pity party. In terms of compromise I had to ‘cos my husband isn’t a fashion conscious fellow not into designers etc. But I didn’t comproomise on his character, drive, his religous views etc. Which are more important than superfical things. My advice don’t feel sorry for yourself, be thankful and put God first in making your choice. All is well that ends well- not that which begins well and ends badly just ask those who are now divorced.

  • koks September 16, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    In will come sooner than you think. God bless

  • SSSSSSS September 16, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    Dear BEAUTIFULWEDDING, don’t give up hope you are not meant for every man, just one and he is just around the corner. And don’t you dare think of having children out of wedlock you will regret it.

  • Joma September 16, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    beautifulwedding and to all saying “hopeless”…you have to realize that what you confess is most likely your end…you have to confess positively and also be realistic in ur selections..@ a particular age in life, you must stop building castles in the air..be realistic about your choices and make it work with God by your side…
    negative confessions in addition to your situation makes u much more dis heartened and severely depressed…life is too short to be unhappy…abeg any man that proposes to you that meets 60% of your profile..Marry Him and start your family…Negativity Kills you Faster !!!…

  • topsytops September 16, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    my dear my prayer for you is to get married. there’s nothing too hard for God to do, He’s the God of all possibilities. when I read ur post I think u shud change the way u think and also u need to change. there are times in our lives that things happen to us and we think and we blame pple for it but the it is often at time ourselves. u said that it is not that u dnt meet guys but they are not who u cn date, have u checked ur self? wot kind of guys do u attract? are u that kind of woman that a godly man will wnt. often times there’s always pride in us and if we dnt humble ourselves God will not wot he wnts to do cos He wnts to give us the best of the best. my dear I urge u not to give up but put ur trust in God. 1peter 5:10. God bless u and stay cool.

  • ibukungeorge September 16, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    So I posted this on my facebook page and I got so many response but cruel and encouraging but shrugs*
    So i had dinner with a friend and he said”Tolu you know,you must have broken so many hearts over the years unknowingly”which got me thinking.So I went through my lil memoirs dated back to high school(that’s another gist for another day lol).I know have had such cruel comments like “Your beauty is not forever you know” (Really!Never knew i was comely.So humbled),Don”t you want to marry?Why are you turning down my proposal!You should be happy you know because you know the single female population is much…And of cos one of my girlfriends telling me”Tolu i know you can’t understand how I feel because you yet to have your own kids&family.So yes I do admit I may have broken some hearts unknowingly in the past (my sincere apologies) anď maybe my heart has been broken a million times over the years(Nothing that can’t be fixed anywayz whenever it gets broken*wink).And yes girlfriend you so right,am yet to wake up in the arms of my beau everymorning ,carry that child full term ,give birth to lil adorable cuties but that doesnt make me less of a woman.I know that wonderful feeling when you look into the eyes of babies and kids.I don”t have to be a mother or a wife first before am capable of such love. we all know that our happiness is not hinged on anyone or anything but God (cruel and heartless it may sound.My happiness is not hinged on anyone,anything but God).And yes I must admit twill be blissful to have a man rub my feet and pamper when i get back from work *wink.Or have my kids to call me Momma but should that make me settle for less of Gods plan for me?Or make me stop moving on,living,and loving? Absolutely not! We all know the destiny,time and race of taiwo is different from Kehinde and twill be beautiful.Until then and even after I can’t Stop loving,living,laughing and most importantly walking with God

    Am three years away from 35…..I still haven’t given up.Not the end of the world dear.Just when you least expect He will show up.

    32 God fearing,hopeful and optimistic against all odds!

  • ibukungeorge September 16, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    Both* ,heard*

  • Ariyike September 16, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    ‘child, I feel your pain, I see your tears and cringe when you groan in agony of loneliness.’ No matter how long it appears to be taking, be comforted, God will bring him to you sooner than you know, with all that you wish for and more. Trust me, Your Joywill come in the morning….that unexpected bright ray that wakes you up on a glorious day. only believe it…..it’s not ‘faith speak’. I’m waiting for the invite sister….

  • Deebabe September 17, 2013 at 12:26 am

    This is very interesting…..Beautiful wedding, please be patience your time is near by when you are least expected it. Be encouraged and remember all things works together for the good of those who trust in God. Don’t give up never never…I am sure God is working on your Prince Charming, go and mark my word. I am a living testimony but don’t ever settle. You are rare gem and priceless jewel. Remember the story of Hannah and the testimony shared earlier on. Anyway, please are you in Naija or state? I am in Houston, TX and have a friend that might be interested. If you are in Houston…contact me at abbizemi at Yahoo dot com. You are blessed

  • AdeChukwu Abdul September 17, 2013 at 3:58 am

    Hello MS 35, Nothing do you.
    Can we be friends? I’m male, single as you, 33, Igboid, in the appearance department, i try small and have some few notes upstairs too. I wouldnt mind a collabo with you if you are as beautiful as Oby Ezekwesili. So If you dont mind my open request. Please do send me a word via this mail, taylorcollin203@gmail.com
    Ps. I used the word collabo with all due humour
    Cheers

    • slice September 17, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      @Msbeautifulwedding, see another one here o. I don’t like calling her Ms. 35. she called herself Beautiful Wedding and that’s what she’ll soon have. Amen. BW if you dull, another chick go e-mail am. infact, if he fine small and in the u.s. i fit e-mail am for my sis.

  • Timmy tim September 17, 2013 at 6:33 am

    God ‘s plan is for everyone to have a partner, that was why he created all in male and female including animals. H e even gave Adam Eve for pro-creation to happen. Therefore, it is not her destiny or anyone’s to wallow away in loneliness but enemy has a way in sowing thorns in people’s lives. See the trend in your family she said ”her grandmother and mother were single parents” this is showing you a negative pattern and root that needs to be broken through prayers and deliverance sessions. Remember God is bigger than our issues’.

  • Ella September 17, 2013 at 8:45 am

    Hugs!!!
    there are still gr8 guys out there u know so dont lose hope yet and while you are waiting on God you can try giving r/ships anoda chance. ok?
    if u can, tune in to Inspirational Fm(92.3) (inspirationradiong.com/)
    i believe some of their programmes can help you( there was a woman that called in on morning show with Heavy Man, she testified that she got married @ the age of 39yrs and gave birth @ 40/41 and that she got the best husband anyone could pray for) so pls do not despair
    In His time he will make urs beautiful too, just be still and know that HE is God!

  • Omo1 September 17, 2013 at 8:58 am

    It surly is not easy getting above 30 and remaining single! Much harder than a lot of people think and if one is not careful, you will find yourself wallowing in self pity. Please stop it!! Make good use of your singleness and enjoy life..I’m not 30 yet, but approaching it.

    I make good use of this phase in my life, and yes once in a while it dawns on you and you may fall into slight depression. But it all depends on how you see yourself. Getting married is not always the end of the story!

  • Modella September 17, 2013 at 9:17 am

    Na waoooo,let God kingdom come,were there will be more marriage,nor suffering!

  • Annie September 17, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Hello ladies, remember in the good book, Ruth and Esther made moves on the men they eventually married. They are the only ladies that have books in the Bible . Woo a man today. “Don’tDull”..lols..got this from a friend last night and thought to share..Miss 35 chilax, ur man is close to finding u…..

    • DOROTHY DANDRIDGE September 17, 2013 at 10:54 pm

      i hate to be nitpicky and all but neither esther nor ruth ‘wooed’ the men who later become their husbands. I’m guessing you’ve never read those books. You should and you’ll see that those women went about thier lives and businesses and the men came to them. They werent sitting around wallowing away in self pity.

      • obi October 2, 2013 at 1:15 pm

        of course ruth was tutored by Naomi on how to get boaz. you should go and read d story again. by lying down at d feet of boaz and using part of his cloth to cover herself meant she desired to be his wife in their culture.

    • Dumebi September 18, 2013 at 7:48 am

      Lol…… I feel you dear…… I accosted a guy some months back but he said he was in a relationship….. was hurt because really liked him…. But that won’t discourage me, will still accost the next guy that tickles my fancy…… Lol…… If men can accost who they like , women have the right to……. You just have to be strong and bold

      • Annie September 18, 2013 at 11:15 am

        good, never give up, like my male colleague said, there is nothing wrong with us female wooing a guy, just make sure u aint desperate thatzall.

    • Dumebi September 18, 2013 at 7:50 am

      * because I really liked him*

    • Omo1 September 18, 2013 at 10:09 am

      Now this is what my Dad always said to his daughters…and we always tell him its not suppose to be done that way..

  • Deebabe September 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    I love your bondness abdul….Miss 35 please check out Abdul possible a date…..BN is it possible to follow up with Abdul so that we can know the outcome.

  • Belle September 17, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    “Sorry if I come acorss as harsh but I felt someone had to throw cold water into your face and startle you into changing your outlook. From a fellow single sister who is loving her status right now and focusing on all the good things the Lord has Blessed me with while joyously awaiting the more that He is bringing my way”……
    That’s because you’re either a sociopath or in denial…bets are on both.

  • ty September 17, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Miss 35 and single, just one word from me to you – Not all that glitter is gold… A lot more married women are living a single and frustrated life. Desperation has pushed alot of ladies to enter the wrongest union ever! i for one saw all d writings on the wall but wanted to ‘please’ my mum… now the two of us are displeased cos le boo is the wrongest thing dt ever happened to me. the only good thing i can think of in this union is the 2 beautiful kids God has blessed me with and i get to take care of them ALONE… Living with a financially, romantically, sexually bankrupt man is the worst thing ever… Beware and be warned… Donot allow desperation lead you to a bottomless pit.

  • Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    God is not a man. His delay is not denial. He has an appointed time for each and every one of us. Am sure before u clock 40, God will definitely bring ur man to U. I am 37 and about to get married so i went for Hormonal Profile and got a shocking result, that i hv ovarian failure, which means my ovaries are no longer working, and the only alternative i hv is to go for IVF. Hw do i break the news to him but am believing God for a miracle. So trust and believe God for a miracle too and it will definitely happen IJN

    • slice September 17, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      first, where did you do your test? If in Nigeria, don’t believe them all the way yet.
      to tell or not to tell. tricky tricky. i would tell. but i understand your fear

  • NNENNE September 17, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    @the real Tolu…You said it all. Glad your comment was one of the few that I read.
    I need not add more.

  • Mexi September 17, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Hmmm,with the religious advice here I don’t want to sound like the devil, but if I was to advice you ,I wld tell u to consider been a single mum pending when MR right comes…we women don’t really have that biological clock like men to bear children…BElla NAIA peeps pls don’t crucify me
    Heaven help those who help themselves

    • DOROTHY DANDRIDGE September 17, 2013 at 10:59 pm

      i find it ironic that you’re advising her to fornicate and get pregnant for some dude and talking about ‘heaven helping those who help themselves’.

      • slice September 18, 2013 at 3:01 pm

        you know you can be a single mother without sleeping with the dude right. find a willing guy, go to the hospital and the rest is history. some guys want a kid without the family drama. just saying

  • Buki O September 17, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Dear anonymous, do not hide your health results from your hubby to be. just tell him, if he is the bone of your bone, he will stand by you. take it from someone who’s been there.
    Secondly, I’m not a bible basher but I do believe in God. At 26, I was advised to remove my womb because I had endometriosis. The pains were out of this world and laparascopies revealed the damage was “text book material”. I didn’t remove my womb, I opted for other treatments that took me to hell and back.

    Today, without IVF or the likes, I have two kids of both sexes. So hang in there doll and BELIEVE. :)

    p.s. my hubby was well aware of these before we ever thought to get married. He stood strongly and firmly by me :)

    @ BeautifulWedding You will be fine, just fine. Please promise to let BellaNaija feature your love story and wedding (however big or small) when it happens. It will happen soon, just ensure your heart is right always. :)

    • Cynthia September 26, 2013 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Buki O, found your comment interesting because I have just been diagnosed with endometriosis and had to remove one of my ovaries, although mine wasn’t described as text book material, I still have some fears of infertility and would like some advise on treatments you may have tried that worked for you….if you could kindly send me your email
      .thanks

  • Destiny September 17, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Am laughing sooo hard at some of the comments here…Ave peed my pants literally.
    Ok ok Bellanaija, as much as appears highly lucrative to my Igbo mind, please do not be tempted to include a dating function on this site. We cannot lose the credibility this site has. If you must, start it on a different page and consult top experts to select thoroughly researched, qualifying criteria based on our culture. I think 50% of our issue is the absence of meeting forums. Half of us God fearing, beautiful, sexy and intelligent over 30 s just need to meet those equally intelligent men who are God fearing and understand the meaning of respect, humour, integrity, care, hard work, honest earning.
    But shebi I suggested it before bellanaija, you go these forums, weddings, shows e.t.c. You take their pictures (these industrious men that have honest job to their names…sorry am over – emphasising), ask them politely if they are spoken for and create a profile. Next, you look for an interesting way to garner interest from ladies. This post and the responses will give you an idea of ladies and take it from there. If you ever plan to, make me the 1st on your list…..smiling shyly.

    • Destiny September 17, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      Please forgive typo errors….see as I don carry my hand knock myself out.

  • EvenIstillHaveHope September 17, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    how late is too late cos am 40, although i look 25 cos am petite. Born Again, Bsc, MBA. with lots of great characteristics as told to me by my friends. All my 3 suitors have been short, eg 5’3, 5’4, and am 5 ft . i AM SO NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM. I gave all of them a chance but to add insult to injury they had horrible characters, one was extremely utterly stingy (if u need me to elaborate on what i mean By Extremely – let me know and i will explain your jaw will drop). One was very hot tempered, within 24hrs meeting him he’d scream at me 4 times including a begger on oxfords street who asked him for money as we were walking towards marble arch. He screamed at the begger the oyinbo begger turned red (i am convinced that begger was angel), the third guywas addicted to internet and facebook. We can be in a room for 3 hrs and he will be constantly on his android or on his phone. Another thing is I have been celibate for years and choose to remain so till i marry, this has been an ultimate no no for a few of the guys i have met. After 3 months, the calls diminish. Call me stubborn but i will NOT compromise on premarital sex nor will i compromise on character and height. Everything else i can compromise with.

    I am not asking for much. God fearing, kind, great sense of humour, business minded – character is important to me than academic qualifications, loves kids, PLUS TALL AT LEAST 5’9. i will NOT compromise on the height,. I am not asking for much. Short guys dont attract me.

    I go through my sad days once in a while (eg christmas or valentine season), but for the most part, I remain positive, thanks to the church i attend, their teachings are very uplifting. I am still positive, i will get married soon in Gods time and my first set of kids will be twins or triplets, I prophecy with my mouth every single day. I got all the name of my kids, and i pray for them each day eventhough i dont know them yet. Gorgeous health and very smart and intelligent, coupled with a a christ loving husband (who is tall).

    I have been criticized on this my request for a tall guy. Like i said, i will not compromise on this. At my age, my request has dwindled from 25 when iwas in my 20s, to now ONLY 5. The five request will remain and not change. If it changes that means i dont have faith in God.

    • omada September 17, 2013 at 8:20 pm

      I feel you jare.

    • slice September 17, 2013 at 10:35 pm

      i find it funny when a girl refers to a guy as a suitor and then proceeds to mention things about the guy that r clear deal breakers and that saw 1 week into the dating stuff. How did he even get elevated to the rank of suitor if he yells at you and stuff.

      O well, wanting someone who is 5 ’9 and above is not even hard. when you said tall, I thought you’d say 6 ’2 and above. your case no hard. just broaden your horizon. Be open to guys who already have children and are looking for a second chance at love. Bc of your age, some guys with no kids may be afraid that u may not be able to have any, which will in turn put them in a no kid zone. But a guy with at least one kid already is less likely to care.

      • slice September 17, 2013 at 10:35 pm

        **that she saw***

      • *Real* Nice Anon September 18, 2013 at 4:22 pm

        Very true about the guys with kid(s) thing. So so true.

    • B.O.O. September 18, 2013 at 3:57 am

      There is nothing bad about having wants and desires….husband is coming soon.

    • Miss Anonymous September 18, 2013 at 11:27 am

      Hmmm….i don’t mean to be rude though but how can you let something as immaterial as height stand in the way of a good relationship? You sound like a teenager whose ideal man should be “tall, dark and handsome’. While I am single myself and would not go for Aki or Pawpaw (whichever one is still single), I don’t believe at your age or level of maturity, something such as height (which no one has any control over) should be such a deal breaker.
      While everyone is free to fantasize about what they consider to be ideal, you need to ask yourself if marriage is that important to you.
      My older brother got married on the verge of 40 and he said whilst he may have lowered his standards a bit (he’s married to a beautiful, nice, well brought up woman BTW), he had to concede on some items on his “checklist”, because his need for companionship (and any other thing(s) he was looking for) far outweighed whatever minuses he thought she had.
      In other words, you need to look at the bigger picture sometimes and where you want to be, and if this person can walk/work with you to achieve whatever your goals in life are.

  • Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    EvenIstillHaveHope, EvenIstillHaveHope, EvenIstillHaveHope……….
    ahhhhh………how many times did i call you. At 20 your request/expectation were 25 items, now you are 40, and they are 5. My worry from the 5 is the height 5’9 while you are 5feet……no be person born the short men. Are your brothers or dad tall? no be person marry them. Keep telling God he made a mistake creating short men.

  • chioma September 17, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    Read before u comment. No where in her statement did she say short men were not Gods creation. She clearly even gave some of em chances. Every one has s preference. I have one too and am sure u do. Do spare us all your sanctimonious and judgemental comments. So just cos shes 40 she should settle for something her heart does not like because you are her God and to you this is her last stop. I guess you dont have any preference whatssoever

  • Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    chioma i dont have ur time at all;with friends/pple like u, one needs no curses–@EvenItillHaveHope you reduced your initial expectation/list from 25 to 5 for good/matured reasons I would like you to reduce further…………….BIAS is an inclination of temperament or outlook to present or hold a partial perspective and a REFUSAL to even consider the POSSIBLE MERITS of alternative points of view. People may be biased toward an individual, a race, a religion, a social class, or a political party(in your case short men). Biased means one-sided, lacking a neutral viewpoint, not having an open mind. Bias can come in many forms and is often considered to be synonymous with prejudice or bigotry……….Good Luck

    • slice September 17, 2013 at 11:48 pm

      haba where una dey carry dis tin go. wanting a taller man is not a discriminatory. it’s all about attraction. I cringe whenever i hear someone say people just completely ignore their preferences. you are human being. just cause you forced yourself to marry the so called short or too tall man, doesn’t mean your mind will settle on him after marriage. these are the kind of girls that will start imagining another man while their man is – them. just saying

      • slice September 18, 2013 at 3:29 pm

        lol no a before discriminatory

  • true_talk September 17, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    My dearest sister…I am going to be 35 myself later this year and oh girl i feel your pain. One thing I know for a certain is that God is very faithful and does not leave His own alone. Hold on to Him because He never fails; I know people who have gotten married at 40, so I know He hasnt forgotten about you, me and everyone else believing Him for a partner.
    With that being said, the first step to getting married is finding a toaster and it seems as though you have a lot of them. Some of us are still praying for men to notice us and come speak with us. So, see you still got it going girlfriend..so cheer up.
    Life is beautiful and life is what we make of it…you only have this ONE life and please dont waste it focusing on what you dont have. Everyone has shortcomings….waiting for God to answer their prayer (whether it be a spouse, child, job, healing).no one has it perfect. Do me a favor though, while still waiting for God to bring the right person, ENJOY YOUR LIFE!!! Do what you have always wanted to do..is it travelling, abeg Travel; is it learn a second language..please do so; is it to live in another country…my sister carry go. You dont want to live a life of regrets because when God answers your prayer…my dear, i will be popping those babies like popcorn..lol. Tha’s another wahala, so until that time comes…enjoy yourself!
    Lastly, rejoice with people around you who are getting married; dance at their wedding like its your wedding; dont envy no one, because your time will come; dont compare yourself to no one, because you are telling God He doesnt know what He’s doing and lastly..HAVE an OPEN mind with regards to the men coming your way. Like you have said, no one is perfect and PRAY my sister…
    Praying for you and sending major sisterly hugs your way..May the God who answered Hannah in her time of desperation answer you speedily my dear..AMEN!!

  • Tosin September 18, 2013 at 5:51 am

    1. chill out. it’s not a life goal.
    2. adopt or just get pregnant if you really really really want kids so much.
    3. that awesome guy is out there, for sure. has to be.

  • Didi September 18, 2013 at 5:55 am

    There’s not much to be said anymore. I am one of those whose wedding was on BN not too long ago but we didn’t last a year. As painful as it was, I still prefer being 31 and divorced to being 29 and miserably married. I’m hoping for the best at the end of the day but it feels dire sometimes.
    All I can advise is enjoy everyday like it was your last and make decisions like noone is judging, Life is too short, just enjoy it…

    • slice September 18, 2013 at 3:04 pm

      sorry about the divorce. it’s history and you’ve got your destiny ahead of you. Cyber Hugs :)

  • Eve82 September 18, 2013 at 7:55 am

    There seem to be quite a few of us above 30. I turned 31 this year, and had the best birthday party I have ever had since I was born. Nobody wants to indulge in the pity party, but the truth is that some days, it just creeps up on you. Cry if it makes you feel better, then shake it off and keep it moving. The hardest are always the holidays, and I make sure I am at the hospital working and making the best of it. I am glad you have supportive family and friends bc it helps. Do the best you can in life. If it happens fine, but if it doesn’t, life goes on! I wish you the very best…and to all the singles out there…always stay true to yourself. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

  • omoaderoba September 18, 2013 at 10:21 am

    I understand how u feel. No words or one can heal a pained soul except God. Never stop giving love a chance, Love(serve) God, Love(serve) people & Stay happy. You may want to read my story on heartofthesire.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-truth-at-thirty_2.html

  • june September 18, 2013 at 10:38 am

    @ Faith – geez take a chill pill…people are allowed to vent their concerns anonymously..that’s the great thing about this cyber age…but the other side is cyber bullying which is what it sounds like from here!

    @ writer – I turned 32 this year…sure I have family giving me weird looks about the whole marriage thing. I was engaged for over a year, but I broke of the engagement in May as I just finally admitted to myself that we didn’t belong together. But now I’m ready to find real true love. Everyone says I’ve been reading to much romance novels…but growing up in the UK…that’s what we expect – love for marriage. My advice to you is NEVER SETTLE for somebody because you think you’re getting old. But I’m torn here…as what if the man never comes by 42 and the child rearing age has passed?

    The interesting fact about the whole marriage thing, is that I connect more with guys that are between 30-35. I’m very lucky in that I can easily pass for a 21year old..so I can even married someone a bit younger than me..and no-one but us would be the wiser. But the very sad reality is that man in their 30′s wouldn’t necessary want to marry a 35 year old lady…and men in their early 40s would also prefer late twenties, early thirties. So would you be willing to marry a late 40s, early 50s man? He may already have countless kids and not that into having more kids?

    If you live in the UK or US..you could try online dating? And also someone else suggested dating from a different culture perhaps. But the truth is that the older we get, we need to actively expand our dating pools. The main key is that you connect with that person.

    Good luck lady!

  • Annie September 18, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Listen to Chaz’s B’s programme on Rhythm 93.7 FM, he is planning on organizing a show, cupid Express for matured singles planning on getting married, u can send a text to 33973 with the word cupid express to show u are reaady to get hooked seriously…:) 5.30pm to 6pm, them 6.19pm to 7pm every week day, good luck :)

  • Fravian September 18, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Uhnnnnnnnnn…….am 27 n i cry everyday dat am still single. My case ΐƨ lyk dat of a guy who ΐƨ complaining he has no shoes but became speechless wen he saw someone wif ₪o leg. Daz d lyf we live in.
    Miss Beautiful weddin dnt worry, wen ur time cmes, u’ll b amazed. Infact u weddin ωιℓℓ b one in town , ur gown unique, decoration fabolous, dere’ll b new a song by den jst 4ur day, everytin ωιℓℓ b different n beta dan wat we c here on BN aℓℓ bcos its ‘ur day’. Neva worry Ð best ΐƨ yet 2cme. Wen dat sad moments cmes, rememba 2sing …..’huuhh huuhhh huuuhhhh…huuuhhhhhhhh…..dont worry b happi’. Derz more 2 life dan being married madam. Faith n odaz have said it aℓℓ.
    Dont worry madam……be happi. Life ΐƨ beautiful įf u paint it beautiful.

  • chioma September 18, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    And who the hell made it the gospel truth that after a certain age like 35 or 40 or 45 or 50, your child bearing age is over. Because some stupid scientist, dr oz, or society has said it u too you have made it stuck in your head. Statistics my ass. I dont go with statistics I go with the word period but as a hunan race sone are too damn lazy to study the word to see what God says, the simply go what society or media saids. Okay jeep wasting your time and listening to humans and their opinions instead of delving into the word to learn gospel truth of the impossibles made possible. To each his own. Good luck

  • Jesus baby September 18, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    SHello sweet. Read your comments. I am a single sister of 30 who in June came out of a 5years relationship when I was already engaged and wedding plans were on the table. In fact i have bought some things for the wedding and was already wedding dress shopping.
    I am a Christian and have come to realize that the word of God is absolutely true and the Devil will do everything to make sure you don’t believe. If he can’t stop you he uses unbelief to hinder you too. We like it or not God said death and life are in the power of the tongue. What you believe in your heart is what you confess with your mouth and that is what will happen. Your statement : I have gotten to that stage in life where I know now for sure this will never happen for me. I have been hoping for many years, and it’s not that I don’t have suitors, I am far from unattractive, but I just can’t find that guy.  u need to discard such thinking it’s toxic. Believe you will find true love and the best will happen to you ok. You said: I
    have come to accept this more than likely won’t happen for me, I see a lot of single girls are going through the same struggle, and it seems hopeless. 
    Don’t I repeat don’t loose hope. I have told myself that I will be married by this time next year cos Jesus said believe when you pray that you have received and you shall have what you want.
    The bone of contention is people don’t know how to believe and they don’t believe that they received when they prayed.
    Please listen to this message and others struggling with how to believe regarding anything.
    Ever since I started listening to it I have experienced tremendous changes. They are long but it is better to spend hours than to waste more time. You can repeat each topic as much as you want until you change your mind set.
    Lots of love
    awmi.net/extra/audio/1027.

  • Jesus baby September 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    IHello sweet. Read your comments. I am a single sister of
    30 who in June came out of a 5years relationship when I was already
    engaged and wedding plans were on the table. In fact i have bought
    some things for the wedding and was already wedding dress shopping.
    I am a Christian and have come to realize that the word of God is
    absolutely true and the Devil will do everything to make sure you
    don’t believe. If he can’t stop you he uses unbelief to hinder you
    too. We like it or not God said death and life are in the power of
    the tongue. What you believe in your heart is what you confess with
    your mouth and that is what will happen. Your statement : I have
    gotten to that stage in life where I know now for sure this will
    never happen for me. I have been hoping for many years, and it’s
    not that I don’t have suitors, I am far from unattractive, but I
    just can’t find that guy.  u need to discard such thinking
    it’s toxic. Believe you will find true love and the best will
    happen to you ok. You said: I have come to accept this more than
    likely won’t happen for me, I see a lot of single girls are going
    through the same struggle, and it seems hopeless.  Don’t I
    repeat don’t loose hope. I have told myself that I will be married
    by this time next year cos Jesus said believe when you pray that
    you have received and you shall have what you want. The bone of
    contention is people don’t know how to believe and they don’t
    believe that they received when they prayed. Please listen to this
    message and others struggling with how to believe regarding
    anything. Ever since I started listening to it I have experienced
    tremendous changes. They are long but it is better to spend hours
    than to waste more time. You can repeat each topic as much as you
    want until you change your mind set. Lots of love
    http://www.awmi.net/extra/audio/1027.

  • Jesus baby September 18, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Remember that as a man thinks so is he. This means that when things happen. We either see opportunities or defeat and what you see depends on how your life goes.
    Remember that the passage which says for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds), casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ; 

    This indicates that a lot of battles are won or lost in the mind. So dont give up, don’t accept less. Hold your ground on what you want and ask God to be the one help you to find the perfect match for you. In that way it takes all the stress and burden off you. Even if everyone you know s suffering misfortune tell your self you would suffer same as a child of God cos Jesus Christ did not die in vain. He died for our sins and for us to have a good life and live it to the full. The devil’s job is to steal, kill and destroy. Every day stuff yourself with the word of God cos you will need it especially when situations are talking or seem to be laughing at you then you remember God’s word and stand don’t allow negative thoughts and feelings take over you running rampage. I hope this bit of information helps. Well done to those with wise words of encouragement and testimonies than those criticizing.

  • june September 19, 2013 at 9:37 am

    @ Chioma – you try having a baby at 50 and see how that goes for you…lets be realistic now…

  • CHIKA September 19, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Long posts, me don’t mind. Belated post of mine, please don’t mind me too. Welldone lovers and haters but me na#TeamLove sha, I don’t hate this kind. Enjoyed reading! As we say locally here, ‘oh babes, nothing do you!!!!! Keep living your beautiful life and please still keep your mind open to more beautiful possibilities especially as regards to your wants and heart desires! Already looking forward to reading your own love celebration story here too! #Faith

  • IshallMarry2014-IJN September 19, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Bella can you create a thread, titled “The Secrets of Marriage that Married People will not Tell Single People.” The many ups and downs, I know its different for everyone but i just want to read a consensus of marriages and what to expect. And also for divorcees i will really like to know what was so bad that could not have been fixed that they broke up over. I like honest truth, no lies.

  • Lalateddy September 19, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    @beautifulwedding

    I agree with your sentiment on the need to have a satisfying connection with a suitor before taking the big step towards marriage and trust me, I also feel the need for such. I am in my mid 30s and I have found love and lost it a couple of times over the years but I’ve never been married. I lost having the opportunity of a lifetime with my dream people because of mundane or trivial things (which i blame myself for when i had time to think through the experience) or sometimes, situations I had no control over like not having a job for a year in the UK for instance…. But in all, I have tried hard to do a proper self analysis to figure out where things went wrong or why I missed the mark when an enjoyable relationship ends. My last relationship lasted for some months before I realised that I actually was in the relationship for the wrong reasons and felt no deep connection with the poor girl, stupid reasons such as family and friends feeling worried and adding pressure in a subtle way, checking out that the girl has ‘prospects’ coz she got a good job, she is a good Christian etc. So I had end the relationship… Ask me why? We could not even have a real and satisfying conversation on the same social level as she wasn’t into anything social except her church and her career, most times, ending disagreeing on simple issues because she was a little miss know all etc. I was introduced to her and I foolishly had started asking her out before even meeting her physically, only to discover when we finally met up that I didn’t fancy her that much… I then conned myself into believing that since I had committed a bit on the initial phone conversations before meeting her, that maybe the attraction would grow with time and all the good things she can bring to the ‘table’…
    Anyway, I messed up! It was the most boring relationship I had ever had and while trying hard to make it work, I found myself always tense, sometimes having to pretend about my feelings etc but after a while, my boredom got the better of me and I had to call it off…
    For me and a few men, I presume… Looks matter, (I’ve always been attracted to slim figured women), that is the starting point of most relationships… Yes looks fade with time but is still the one thing that sets up a relationship… Then after looks, ability to hold a friendship going helps… We all need to marry our friend, in whose company we feel very relaxed and can really be our dear selves… If anyone finds themselves tensed all the time in their relationship, they should pack it up and move on… Anyway for those looking for love, always pray to God for your heart’s desires and be positive in all you do, also be genuinely nice and you are going to attract the right kind of suitors/people to you… Strive hard also to improve yourself in all you do, be it work and career, home keeping, hobbies, church, social interactions etc and that will help your self confidence which is a very attractive thing. Lastly, be humble even when we have our choices in who we want…

    • lolo September 25, 2013 at 9:40 pm

      Lalateddy…you sound really familiar. Do you live in the
      US currently?

  • Lola September 20, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Ohhh i see so for a man – they can have a preference for the Type of girl they want in the looks department (ie. Slim Shape) but for a lady (just as the previous poster above), she dares not have a preference because clock is ticking abi? I have been reading this interesting thread but have not yet commented but felt it necessary to comment and call the hypocrites out. Lets see you people critique this guy too – Shebi he said – for him and for many of his male colleagues physique is top of their criteria for choosing a babe for marriage, Eh hen now, ok, so how come its not okay for that commenter above who saids she has only 3 or 4 things on her list and Height is included and that she is not attracted to short guys and one commenter bit her head off like she broke the 11 commandment in the bible to even daring to say she was not attracted to short guys.

    I guess because of her age she should just settle for anything with a dick abi? Mschewwwww. I take this personal because before i got married, that is the same NONSENSE hypocrites and judgemental people were critiquing me for having a preference or tall guys. I prayed for it – i believed it and I got it. Everybody SHOULD have a preference, some like Tall, some like Short, some like big breast, some like big butt, some like good cook, some like it all PLUS great sex, How dare anybody criticize anyone for having a preference just cos of their age. Nonsense!!!, lets see you people critique this gentleman Lalateddy, like you did that other commenter too. See this world and its continous double standard. Single ladies, write your preference on a tablet (eg paper) and trust in God, to let his will be done upon your life. Dont listen to society or people and their nonsense talks and judgements. You will be hearing too many voices in your head including family friends strangers on blogs who dont even know you plus satan himself, but in all of this, just sit still pray and listen to that small voice, and you will hear that one true voice to give you direction, Take LEft – Take Right, Go here, Go there, and in all his directions, HE will lead the right person to you who fits everything you NEED according to his will. Your Suddenlies is about to happen IF you believe. There are billions of people in this world, All good men are not finished. They are there, all you need is ONE – and they will find you with prayers & supplication. I am a testimony.

    • Miss Anonymous September 20, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      Hello Lola, if you read Latedaddy’s post thoroughly, you’ll see he also said they really had nothing in common. “We could not even have a real and satisfying conversation on the same social level as she wasn’t into anything social except her church and her career, most times, ending disagreeing on simple issues because she was a little miss know all etc”.

      Basically this goes to show apart from the physical, they had to connect on other levels and they did NOT. Naturally even if your ideal chic has a Beyonce type body, you’d need to connect on another level for a long term relationship to work. You’d have to share interests, have common goals, like eachother’s company etc.
      Now, what I inferred from EvenIstillHaveHope is that no matter what other boxes a guy ticks on her checklist, if he can’t meet the height requirement, he becomes an immediate “no no”.

      Everyone should have certain criteria for who they want to be with, but it helps to keep your checklist realistic so you don’t miss out on what (or in this case who) might actually be yours.

      • Lola September 20, 2013 at 10:18 pm

        Look who is talking about some one reading thoroughly, Well didn’t you also read the other lady say that even though her preference are tall guys that she gave a chance to several of the short men who came her way, however they had bad characters . I presume you skipped that part abi? You should’ve read it T-H-O-R-O-U-G-H-L-Y before you commented.

  • Beauty September 20, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    wow reading thru this post and comments goes to show hw impt marriage is na wa ooo! God help us am 28 wit no r/ship and my thots until now has been that I can’t be bothered am a type of girl dat loves life, I travel a lot, hang out with friends both guys and girls, i love to dance and i laugh a lot infact I just love the good life and God has been good to me… with this post I wonder if i’ll still have my happy attitude to life if am still single @ 35…….God help ur daughter oh! u knw i love life too much to be depressed!

  • Aviva September 21, 2013 at 3:02 am

    I got married in 2009 and was separated by 2011 due to both physical and emotional abuse. Both from him and his family. I saw the signs before marrying him, but I was desperate. By the end of 2011,he was with some else and got married 6 months later. I was broken but God healed my spirit. I joined christainmingle dating site and met my husband…I have been married for 4 months and am the happiest I ve ever been. Have faith and love life,you ll be amazed at Gods faithfulness.

  • lifeisfun September 22, 2013 at 6:33 am

    We all have our point but we are not the one in the situation. I found this article on line and it will help all women either single or married. Marriage was not designed to make you happy, satisfied, or whole. If you go into it for any of the aforementioned reasons, you’re in for a rude awakening.

    Some of my friends asked me to expound, so I guess I’ll take a stab at it here on my blog.

    First let me preface this post by saying that I in no way claim to be an expert on marriage. My husband and I have been married a little under four years and we’re still learning a lot of things about being married. If you want expert advice, talk to someone who’s been at this for decades (and let me listen in). I can only share what I’ve learned so far. Further, I assure you that, despite the tone of this post, I really love being married. However, I don’t want people to be delusional about what marriage is or is not. So let me share with you what marriage cannot do.

    Marriage cannot make you happy.

    I think it’s safe to say that many people who want to be married think that marriage will make them happy, but I maintain that’s just not true. We’ve all grown up with the fairy tales where the princess finds a prince, gets married, and lives “happily ever after.” Simply put, nothing can “make” you happy. Absolutely nothing. Happiness is a personal choice and is not contingent upon one’s circumstances. There are plenty of happy poor folks and miserable millionaires. If you aren’t happy before marriage, chances are you won’t be happy in it. And unfortunately, a lot of people get dejected when they enter a marriage and realize they’re not as happy as they thought they’d be. Learn to be happy independent of outside influences.

    Marriage does not equal satisfaction.

    Let me be clear: you will not be completely satisfied in your marriage 100% of the time. You’re talking about two people who were raised by different mothers, were taught different standards, and somehow decided it would be a good idea to join together and become a unit. But because they are still two very distinct people, clashes naturally arise when expectations don’t align with reality. He has different ideas about cleaning than you do. She has different ideas about money than you do. You both thought sex would be more plentiful than it currently is. Somebody is going to be disappointed occasionally.

    There is not a single person on earth who can completely live up to your expectations because all of us fall short. Whomever you marry will likely disappoint you, and I’m sure you won’t do much better. And don’t think you can change the things you don’t like about him or her. That’s a dead-end road, and even if you did “fix” those things, chances are you’d only find more things later that need to be “fixed.” Go into a marriage expecting the other person to fall short (within reason) and decide preemptively to extend some grace when they do.

    Marriage cannot make you whole.

    Everyone wants to feel complete, whether it’s in their careers or their personal lives. They somehow don’t feel like they can sit back, relax, and enjoy life until they have something they’ve always wanted. Sadly, plenty of people put their happiness on hold for some hypothetical day in the future when they have everything they want, including a marriage and family. If partial contentment is your status quo and the way you live your life, I can guarantee you that once you do obtain the things you think you want, you’ll find a reason not to be happy with them. Something will always be out of place.

    Oh and another thing… do NOT go into a marriage expecting your spouse to make you better, fix your hurts from your past, or give you everything you ever thought you’d need. Only God can do that. Please, if you have personal issues that you’re aware of, work on them before you get married or you will sabotage yourself. Your spouse is not your therapist or your fairy godparent.

    So, why get married in the first place?

    Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one indispensible prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks. They say it takes work, but I say it more than requires work — it is work personified. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. When you hear the words “for better or for worse,” imagine what the “worse” could possibly look like and honestly ask yourself if you have the wherewithal to thrive in those situations. If you don’t have it, that’s fine. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.

    There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. You have to have the heart of a servant to do this thing correctly. Can you still fix him a plate even after he’s thoroughly pissed you off? Would you still put gas in her car for work tomorrow even after she’s stepped all over your ego? After days of fighting and arguing, can you still muster the humility to pray for one another? These are the types of things successfully married people do. In this job, you don’t clock out just because you’re not “feeling it.” That’s a hard thing for people to understand in a culture of selfishness, but it is what it is. Strong marriages are comprised of strong people, so you must ask yourself before you get to the altar, “Am I strong enough?” I got this from

    newmamaswagger.com/

  • ibukungeorge September 22, 2013 at 6:56 am

    @Annie on the Dr Chaz show,how can those of us outside Nigeria connect to it?Thank you

  • Joy September 22, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    @ Lifeisfun – well said!
    @ Beautiful wedding – In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with endo, had one tube and ovary removed at 27 and discovered the other was irreparably blocked. I have always desired to be a mother and wife so imagine my devastation at that news.
    Dated 2 guys in my 20s. The 2nd one for 7 years, who stood me up on the day of our introduction. He didn’t turn up – his family did though that’s story for another day. I left him, plunged myself into work, played hard, had fun, made money, spent it, saw my siblings through school and turned my hand to internet dating. I am not ashamed to say I was very selective. I was already 31 so I saw no reason why I should settle. Honestly my standards in my 30s were a lot higher than in my 20s.
    I took part in singles activities, went on solo (single) holidays, cried some days, wallowed in self pity on other days and life continued, had some very horrible dates, some nice ones and just lived life one day at a time. I met my husband online in 2010 just before my 32nd birthday and we were married in 2011. My first IVF treatment failed, 2nd one succeeded and I am almost six months pregnant as I type.
    What helped me was talking to friends who understood, work, the next holiday and also knowing I was actually doing something about my situation! It helped that I had a wide range of friends so was able to focus on a different area of my life depending on who I was with.
    My only advice; don’t give up and don’t forget to live either!

    • Lily September 30, 2013 at 3:59 am

      Really touching, I wish some1 in my life cud find this same courage u had

  • Amama September 25, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    When i got to 35 years out of pressure from friends and
    family i got married to a man i had no business marrying. The
    marriage was rocky throughout because the man decided if i was over
    30 i was desperate and wanted to be sugar mummy to a man who is 42
    years and has a job. He refused to accept any form of
    responsibility to commit to the marriage working in anyway at all.
    After 10 months i heard rumors he was getting married to an
    ex-girlfriend of his. I was actually quite relieved to hear this as
    i had secretly thinking of how i could leave this marriage. His
    excuse was i was not pregnant after 10months. My family wanted me
    to challenge him but i refused to because i was not interested in
    living with such a man anymore. I was a bit sad because i felt bad
    that i had married late and i could not even maintain the one i had
    and also wondering who would want to marry someone who is my age
    and divorced. Fastforward, 6 months later and a wonderful man is in
    my life who feels the sun rises and sets at my feet without my even
    trying. He had been around all along he knew when i got married and
    when the marriage collapsed. He does not mind and we have set a
    date for our wedding.

  • Lily September 30, 2013 at 4:05 am

    Another topic, reminding us of our desires and wishes. Hmmmm, sighs deeply, it nt easy seeing all ur frnds get married, have kids and u keep asking God,wen will my tym cum at d ripe age of 30 something. God help us and all is well

  • lafacebeauty October 4, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Keep praying God doesn’t disappoint and don’t be desperate…

  • TRUTH October 5, 2013 at 11:02 am

    IT’S WELL….

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