Georgette Monnou: Dating Your Best Friend

Posted on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013 at 10:15 AM

By Georgette Monnou

Femi, can you imagine!’ Biola exclaimed between tears.
He just called me and told me that it is over. What have I done wrong?’ she continued.
Don’t mind him Biola; he is just immature. There are other guys out there, don’t worry.

Femi was used to reassuring Biola. He held her hand and pulled her into his chest. Her neck nestled in the crook of his, just as warm tears streamed down her face.

Is there something wrong with me?’ Biola desperately asked.
No, nothing is wrong with you. The pain will pass. Don’t worry.
He cradled her face in his hands and turned it to face his he looked into her eyes and smiled.
It’ll be alright.’ He stated again.

In that moment, in that very second, she noticed that his upper lip trembled. His heart started racing and she knew that it was coming; the man that she knew knew everything about her, was about to kiss her. He leaned in closer and before she could utter a word, he kissed her cheek, placed her head back on his shoulder and kept silent for few more minutes.

***
Every girl has that person they think is nice and sweet. A guy who her parents approve of, however, he might be a bit too nice, and predictable. So she decides to keep him as a friend, on the back burner, in case the adventurous guy she’s currently dating messes up. This is a man who is dependable and sincere; he knows her probably better than she knows herself, he has been there for her through all of her trying times yet she denies him a place in her heart. She simply labels him her ‘bestie’. The same applies to guys who have that girl that really cares about them, the one that they always have a laugh with, the one that irrespective of their faults still cares deeply for them. But unfortunately, there is no chase, there is no game, it’s all too easy, so they lose interest.

Let’s take a look at society and more specifically, the Nigerian Society. Everyone is trying to be ‘Big Girls and Big Guys.’ The girls go for the guys with the money, looks and charm. And the men go for the women most guys seem to be after, the ‘It Girl.’ She’s probably between a size 6-10 US, prances around in her Louboutin shoes accessorised by her Birkin bag; with a face like Beyoncé’s and a body like Rihanna’s . However, we all fail to realise one very important fact, there is a 75% chance that if we choose the ‘It Girl’ or the guy on his ‘Bad Guy P,’ we will most probably get our hearts broken. Mainly because he was never really interested in her in the first place, so he went in and as soon as he was done, he tapped out, or worse – end up broke! Broke, because that girl has milked him for every last penny he is worth.

So why indulge in this trivial pursuit? Girls are always talking about how horrible men are, how they are all players, and then they fail to realise that at one point, they chased that guy in the first place and guys always complain that the babes in Lagos are after their money.

Oh, how much easier the world of love would be if we all considered dating our best friend! I know some of you may argue that ‘he’s like a brother to me’ or ‘we know too much about each other.’ The beauty is that you do know a lot about each other. You have rapport, you understand each other’s strengths, weaknesses and temperaments, and therefore your relationship is bound to last a lot longer. Being with someone who knows you through and through is what you should strive for.

So go on, what are you waiting for?

Photo Credit: hellobeautiful.com

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Georgette Monnou was born in Lagos, Nigeria and has lived in various countries since then. She is in the final year of her Law degree in the UK. She updates her two blogs regularly, which are inspired by her passion for Nigeria and life itself.http://theunspokenwords93.blogspot.co.uk/ and http://wordsanddesigns.wordpress.com/.

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  • 59 Comments on “Georgette Monnou: Dating Your Best Friend”

    Comments
    • Dee November 6, 2013 at 10:33 AM

      Ah! My bestie is d only real friend I’ve got. Why would I ruin this beautiful friendship,what if we break up. But I can’t lie I’m tempted to…

      • Jo! November 6, 2013 at 2:05 PM

        No o! abeg, not every girl has that kind of friend

    • Thatgidigirl November 6, 2013 at 10:41 AM

      Hmm! that best friend thing can be a serious error abeg. There are reasons some relationships are best left the way they are, trust me. Transition from best friend to lover can be a huge mistake, although it works for some. I did that transition and it bit me in the arse! Dude and I had same temperament, so we couldn’t really complement each other. Plus he knew how i was a mumu for my ex, and brought it up every time i tried to stand up to him. Besides, i just couldn’t respect him “like that” cos i knew way too much about him, his family, and his finances (i helped him organise his finances when we were just friends). I believe part of the thrill in relationships is getting to know each other.

      • liz November 6, 2013 at 8:38 PM

        you guys just need to respect each other that’s all…although I agree that the transition from friends to lovers doesn’t always work.

    • Em November 6, 2013 at 10:44 AM

      Hmmmm…. I have a bestie too, he’s so sweet and can do almost anything for me, shocking thing is that he sacrifices much more for me than my boyfriend. My bestie doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s always trying to ask girls out but they always tell him he’s too nice., but whenever my bestie is with a girl, and I need him, he comes to me without hesitation. I get selfish I know, but am only human. Just recently, I was at my boyfriend’s and I wanted to talk to him, was abt to go to his room so we can have ” THE TALK” about if he really wants me or not then he told me his ex gf was in his room so we shld go to the sitting room, I quietly went to the sitting room nd told him there was no need to talk anymore, broke up with him and left…. Now he’s been telling me how am his sun, moon and star and how he can never let me go… Anyways, my friends have been telling me to consider dating my bestie, cos he’s soo in love with me nd he’s always there for me, but I’m not in love with him… I like him a lot but not love… Let’s see what happens sha. I really needed this…. Sury for the errors. Have to start thinking about wats gonna make me happy… :)

      • Lilly November 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM

        Yes u dont love him now but Love grows with time; others are infatuation.

      • Donthavetimeforrubbish. November 7, 2013 at 1:50 AM

        My sister no try am O!, just keep the friendship the way it
        is, cos you yourself have mentioned that you “like” him, not love
        him.there is a big difference

    • Lilly November 6, 2013 at 10:48 AM

      There’s no mystery, no passion, he understands me completely but…………naaahhh,it wont work and i’ll lose the friendship forever, coz once you’ve crossed that line, there’s no going back.

    • Kyjuan November 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM

      I somewhat agree with this write up. I’m a married man and have been happily married for almost 2 years now. I however have a very good friend who i more or less grew up with. I had known her since we were both age 10…attended same schools right from secondary school all the way to uni…our families are friends right up to the grand parents level and we have always been very best of friends. I was her go to guy if she needed to talk about anything and vice versa but at some point during our uni years i knew i was falling for her and as hard as it was to come out i couldn’t hide it any longer and spilled the beans. Unfortunately my timing couldn’t be any more wrong as her interest in some dude was apparently gathering pace. I respected her honesty and immediately focused on the most difficult task ever of ensuring that moment didn’t ruin what was more precious to me; our friendship. And to be honest i think we managed to do that successfully. Over the next couple of years we both had our ins and outs on relationships…she more than i did…while we remained really good friends. Inbetween these ins and outs i did try one more time (I was just coming out of a relationship and she was single at the time) but she decided i was on a rebound and it wasn’t the best. I tried my hardest to convince her that wasn’t the case…i mean…this was what i had ideally wanted for so long while trying other relationships. But she wouldn’t buldge. I had a hunch that was the last time i was going to try for several reasons. One being i was leaving the country and another being frustrated at being probably seen by her as “amazing for friendship…but just short of a boyfriend/future partner). So i put a nail in that area of my emotions. A few years went by…still remaining very good friends…she gets in touch out of the blues someday and begins to talk about possibilities of we eventually being together which i immediately rebuffed. I was just on the verge of a serious relationship with a girl (whom i can now refer to as my wife) i had met. It had taken us time to get to that point as i took my break up from my past relationship really badly and especially as i had been down that road with my bestie and she refused to see what i was seeing and hence closing that emotional chapter for good i wasn’t willing to risk this new found relationship that i had put effort into building for my bestie who suddenly had the scale fall out of her eyes. Sadly i told her i was sorry but i was serious about what i had and wanted to do the right thing. She understood (atleast i think she did) and a year or two down the line she got married. I however can’t say she is happily married unlike me as she’s had a very rocky start to her marriage with the husband treating her badly up to the point of abuse. At such times i feel for her to the point of guilt and wonder if it is partly my fault i wasn’t flexible enough to give her a chance when she eventually came around to a possibility of we being together. But then again if i had i would never have married my wife who is absolutely amazing. Needless to say i would have broken a heart there as well. She actually did mention it in one of our recent conversations saying “If you had married me…all this wouldn’t happen”…to which i immediately insinuated she was joking, laughed it away and changed the topic. As i said earlier..i am happily married and either of these two women (my wife and bestie) from what i have seen easily could have made me happy. But i just can’t help feeling a bit of guilt at times when her husband turns into an absolute p***k and treats her badly.

      • zsa zsa November 7, 2013 at 10:44 PM

        I’m no expert. Don’t feel guilty about not giving her a chance when she FINALLY saw what you were seeing…life happens. She made her choice and you made yours, you say you are happily married PLEASE keep it that way. It may seem like if you and your bestie had gotten married it would have been perfect but you never know…it may have been different…the chemistry might have worn out or you may not be as compatible as you thought.
        She made her choice, you made yours…thats life. Let her decide how to handle her marriage and focus on keeping yours intact. You sound like a great guy.

      • Ndidi November 10, 2013 at 3:23 PM

        I concur ! You sound like such an amazing guy.
        Do not feel bad, remember that you tried.
        Focus on your marriage but you can also give her advice when she needs that and keep her in your prayers so that God can give her joy in her marriage .

    • QueenBee November 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM

      Hmmmm what am i waiting for? and if the bestie doesnt feel the same way??

    • kyjuan November 6, 2013 at 11:00 AM

      I somewhat agree with this write up. I’m a married man and have been happily married for almost 2 years now. I however have a very good friend who i more or less grew up with. I had known her since we were both age 10…attended same schools right from secondary school all the way to uni…our families are friends right up to the grand parents level and we have always been very best of friends. I was her go to guy if she needed to talk about anything and vice versa but at some point during our uni years i knew i was falling for her and as hard as it was to come out i couldn’t hide it any longer and spilled the beans. Unfortunately my timing couldn’t be any more wrong as her interest in some dude was apparently gathering pace. I respected her honesty and immediately focused on the most difficult task ever of ensuring that moment didn’t ruin what was more precious to me; our friendship. And to be honest i think we managed to do that successfully. Over the next couple of years we both had our ins and outs on relationships…she more than i did…while we remained really good friends. Inbetween these ins and outs i did try one more time (I was just coming out of a relationship and she was single at the time) but she decided i was on a rebound and it wasn’t the best. I tried my hardest to convince her that wasn’t the case…i mean…this was what i had ideally wanted for so long while trying other relationships. But she wouldn’t buldge. I had a hunch that was the last time i was going to try for several reasons. One being i was leaving the country and another being frustrated at being probably seen by her as “amazing for friendship…but just short of a boyfriend/future partner). So i put a nail in that area of my emotions. A few years went by…still remaining very good friends…she gets in touch out of the blues someday and begins to talk about possibilities of we eventually being together which i immediately rebuffed. I was just on the verge of a serious relationship with a girl (whom i can now refer to as my wife) i had met. It had taken us time to get to that point as i took my break up from my past relationship really badly and especially as i had been down that road with my bestie and she refused to see what i was seeing and hence closing that emotional chapter for good i wasn’t willing to risk this new found relationship that i had put effort into building for my bestie who suddenly had the scale fall out of her eyes. Sadly i told her i was sorry but i was serious about what i had and wanted to do the right thing. She understood (atleast i think she did) and a year or two down the line she got married. I however can’t say she is happily married unlike me as she’s had a very rocky start to her marriage with the husband treating her badly up to the point of abuse. At such times i feel for her to the point of guilt and wonder if it is partly my fault i wasn’t flexible enough to give her a chance when she eventually came around to a possibility of we being together. But then again if i had i would never have married my wife who is absolutely amazing. Needless to say i would have broken a heart there as well. She actually did mention it in one of our recent conversations saying “If you had married me…all this wouldn’t happen”…to which i immediately insinuated she was joking, laughed it away and changed the topic. As i said earlier..i am happily married and either of these two women (my wife and bestie) from what i have seen easily could have made me happy. But i just can’t help feeling a bit of guilt at times when her husband turns into an absolute p***k and treats her badly. I pray for her constantly and i really do hope her marriage works out.

      • nwanyi na aga aga November 6, 2013 at 11:23 AM

        I don’t think she would ve made you happy if you married her. I have friend zoned a guy before and I know what it takes especially when he asks you out. As a female you don’t feel that spark for him, you don’t think about him always except for when u ve a problem he can solve or when u re bored and you need someone to talk to. If you date that kind of guy most likely you will hurt him cos it will be easy for you to talk back, quarrel and fight cos you know you don’t have any feelings to be hurt..You did the right thing in my books. If she liked you that much rebound or no she would ve given you a chance since she knew you well, she would ve known what you are capable of. My lil tots though you should increase the distance btw you two, if you notice it, you ve started comparing her to your wife, na from clap e dey enter dance o *just saying*

        • Kyjuan November 6, 2013 at 12:07 PM

          Myself and the “bestie” definitely aren’t as close as we used to be for several reasons. I suppose that was always going to be inevitable one way or the other. Months go by now before we exchange a few lines of whatsapp messages. I don’t mind if that helps her marriage as i have no problems with mine at all. She is a friend and will always be irrespective of distance or how many times in a decade we communicate. As for comparing her with my wife you must have misunderstood me; The only reason i approached bestie in the first place (ever before i met my wife) was because i was convinced she could make a good partner. Being right or wrong is another case entirely and we’d never know now. Luckily for me in the case of my wife I can say i was right as i wouldn’t wish for anyone else. Nothing’s going to change that :)

      • Abby November 6, 2013 at 11:43 AM

        Oh my i kinda feel sorry for your bestei… hope she gets out of that abusive rship. But then again its not your fault.You tried your best to win her heart and no luck.if you were meant to be together, God would have made it possible…:)

        • Kyjuan November 6, 2013 at 12:09 PM

          I somewhat agree with you Abby :)

      • Pweety November 6, 2013 at 12:45 PM

        i also seriously think u should mind d way u relate 2 ur
        bestie so as 2 not tear ur family apart. i don’t know, but just
        saying all d same, she might try 2 cause a rift between u n ur wife
        so that u would feel what she is going through. God has a reason 4
        making d woman u r marrying ur wife n not ur bestie ur
        wife.

      • meme November 6, 2013 at 8:23 PM

        wow… Its a good thing you both are married. You did try
        your best back in the day to make it work but she didn’t want that.
        that is the thing with we girls.. too much confusion! we keep on
        looking for something more, when what we actually need isn’t far
        from us smh. well I think you should stop feeling guilty. She chose
        her path and you chose yours and that is her problem. face your
        marriage and make wifey happy.

    • Oyinmomo November 6, 2013 at 11:26 AM

      Bia Georgette, are you using this medium to pass a message to your own ‘bestie’? Cyber-toasting him, eh?
      Back to the topic, my friend was telling me how relationship takes a different direction when it changes from friendship level to dating level. She said things become a bit formal, more deliberate and not as spontaneous as it used to be. I think it might be because they are both more conscious and also feel they have to be on their best behaviour. If you can carry over the kinda relationship you had and infuse love and intimacy in it, then maybe it can work.
      I also think that if you date your best friend, and you guys break up,going back to being besties will probably be very difficult.

    • merci November 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM

      It has happened to me severally not until when I realized were falling for each other I decided to back out. He had his gf and I had mine but I couldn’t continue the friendship. Right now I’m getting married likewise him. We are still friends though but not as close as before again.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM

      I think its a body like Beyoncé’s and a face like Rihanna’s Ha! Ha!
      Just being naughty.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 6, 2013 at 11:33 AM

      I think its a body like Beyoncé’s and a face like Rihanna’s Ha! Ha!
      Just being naughty.

    • jayne November 6, 2013 at 11:38 AM

      Beautiful piece, I can totally relate… Le boo and i weren’t exactly best of friends when we kicked off, he’s a busy bee… i was walking out of a hurtful relationship and he just happened to be on the background; i didn’t even bother to heal from the previous relationship before we began our 5yr old journey, I just took the risk with him… lol! Talk about plan B;
      However, we had it rough the 1st 2 years, he was always so busy with work that he paid very little attention to ‘us’… i had this other male friend who knew practically everything about me, we were besties. He was like my mini-god, i could cry all day on his shoulders and he will comfort me and help me fix whatever was wrong but for some reason i just wasn’t attracted to him, I could sense he wanted more, but my heart couldn’t give more … then when the BF started to get uncomfortable with our friendship, he pointed it out, we had a very detailed conversation, I expressed my fears and challenges with him, as did he and surprisingly, I started to notice major changes, he became more available for “us”, he really made an effort when he noticed that I was starting to slip away and gradually communication improved; now, there’s nothing we don’t tell each other, even those tiny silly things that shouldn’t count for anything.
      looking back at how it all started, this man who was supposed to just be my back up plan turned out to be the best thing in my life… we are getting married soon… we weren’t best friends from scratch, but we did give it a shot regardless, now we are unbreakable… :)
      Sometimes, best friends should never be more than best friends… just sometimes,
      P.S: if your partner isn’t your best friend, fix it! Work on what you currently have going, nurture it and let your relationship grow to that level where nothing is left unsaid.

    • new bride November 6, 2013 at 11:41 AM

      I think John Legend’s song ‘Cross the line’ perfectly summarizes this situation.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 6, 2013 at 12:03 PM

      “Every girl has that person they think is nice and
      sweet….. so she decides to keep him as a friend on the back
      burner in case the adventurous guy she is currently with messes up”
      I think two different persons were described in the article. The
      first is some dude/gal who from the start is heads over heels for
      someone but since the feeling was not mutual was kept around for
      the moments described above. Or more commonly described as (I hate
      this word) “friendzoned”. The other is a guy with whom you started
      out as chums and remained so until feelings developed whether
      mutual or singular. This is where the predictability and
      passionlessness (yes I said it) comes from. Sometimes however, the
      friendzoned individual becomes some sort of unofficial nanny and
      assumes the superficial role of bestie.

    • Shorthairdontcare November 6, 2013 at 12:04 PM

      Hogwash about all girls want Big Boys and most guys want IT girls. Most relationship aren’t built based on that, I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen but most relationships are between ‘normal’ people. My besto and I tried dating and it didn’t work cos he had feelings for someone else. We just wanted to date so we’d know for sure if we were really soul mates and guess what? It didn’t work out.

    • dami November 6, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      As jayne pointed out, if your partner isn’t your best friend, work it out! I have a major problem of not knowing how to communicate my feelings. I try but I find it so hard but I just can’t seem to be able to do it, instead I cry. I just met this guy and it’s the same story. I can’t tell him how I feel. He’s not happy about it because he thinks I’m just hiding stuffs. What do I do? How do you communicate your feelings? Please advise. Thanks

      • Lilly November 6, 2013 at 2:03 PM

        Try writing down whatever you’re feeling and what him to know, send it as sms …….start gradually, don’t just spill out so much at first, get his responses first and you chat like you’re chatting with a friend, I think the word “boy” in boyfriend gives some people some sort of expectations of what should and what should not be, there are no rules in dating my dear, let loose and have fun that’s the only way to enjoy the relationship……I used to be like you, cry cry, I know how you feel, let your guard down it’s okay, in order to fall deeply for someone we have to trust and be vulnerable. Remember he’s just a guy, human being and has feelings too, when you share your feelings, also try to find out how he feels too.

      • Ndidi November 10, 2013 at 3:32 PM

        Me in a nutshell.
        I know how I feel but I just find it hard to communicate which I will definitely do in my next relationship.
        Oh and crying ! I have an A+ in that , I’m 22 now and I need to work on not being a cry baby abeg! Lol

    • bellastrada November 6, 2013 at 12:13 PM

      hunm!!!!!!!!missed my bestie to anoda lady,i caused it because of religion andwhat pple will say.am gettn married soon, but…………….. bestie will always be bestie shaaa.we both missd times we shard togeder#winks#

    • naana November 6, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      there are times i wanted to date my bestie but there was no
      form of attraction , even when i tried. my heart will just harden
      up like”there is no room to love this person.”

    • natty November 6, 2013 at 12:35 PM

      I dated my best friend for about 2 weeks before we gladly returned to the friend’s zone where we gladly belonged.

    • jayne November 6, 2013 at 12:59 PM

      hi Dami, the only way to truly communicate your feelings ‘effectively’ is to share them, you need to learn to speak out, it doesn’t bite…. i promise!

      If something bothers you, no one can help you automatically proffer solutions until they know exactly what you are struggling with and they cannot know until you speak up… only you have that exclusive power to tell how you feel. it is not enough to give off certain body languages.. Sometimes you could get misconstrued by merely gesticulating. YOU NEED to overcome your fears, if you think you can’t break that fear yourself, then maybe you should see somebody who’d help you get over them. A therapist maybe. :)

    • sally November 6, 2013 at 1:26 PM

      I will say neva date ur bestfrnd.me and my bestfrnd was
      very close and i knew he liked me afta a while.his frnds told me
      and cousin too.but i neva wanted to date him bcuz i didnt wanted to
      loose his frndship incase we broke up.1 year after i gave him de
      chance and we bstarted dating,thought he ws de perfect guy till he
      cheated on me with a white gurl.now hhe is someone i used to
      know.we dnt talk anymore though he tries to talk with me i ignore
      him.its very painful bcuz sometimes i need to talk wit him.his
      parents habe tried to convince me to be close with him but dey dnt
      even knw wat he did to me.i will tell everyone no to do dat bcuz
      not only will u loose ur relationship but also ur best
      frnd

    • Sweery November 6, 2013 at 1:56 PM

      Wow! i can totally relate as I’m perfectly and happily married to my bestie. We met way back in school, you know how you meet someone and you suddenly feel like you’ve known them forever, from that day we share every thoughts and emotions like a brother a sister would. He was in a relationship and I was also deeply in love or infatuated with this some guy who looked perfect to me at the time. Though he (bestie) asked me out and i said no due to my relationship status, we never let go of each other. I remember how his shoulders became my comfort when i needed to cry, his ears my room for complains and yearns. My boyfriend at the time would complain about our closeness and I would susssh him up knowing he can’t win that fight for many reasons; I run to my bestie whenever i needed anything, both financial, physical or emotional needs and something deep down would whisper to me”you are loving the wrong man”. Countless times i would ask myself why he was the one i rely and depend on like a rock, he was my emergency number, always there without complaining, I still remember how he would come to my house on weekends despite his own demanding job to tutor me when I was preparing for a very difficult test i got invited for in one huge investment company which I passed by the way. Our relationships both hit the rocks, after then I opened my eyes and reciprocated all the love this wonderful man had showered on me for years without asking for anything in return. We got married a year ago and am carrying our first child, every day I bless the God that spoke to my heart to listen to my head because I couldn’t have asked for a better husband and friend. Till date we still lend each other the “friend side” when we need to analyze our quarrels objectively, friendship never ends. So sorry for the long piece, can’t help but share*smiles

    • Jo! November 6, 2013 at 2:09 PM

      Frankly, I have never been able to understand how babes have a guy as “bestie”, as in how???? It’s just weird

    • Dee November 6, 2013 at 2:24 PM

      I will say marry your best friend most definitely, for those worried about losing a close relationship , if we are being honest if you end up not married you will probably still lose that closeness anyway because no partner (male/female) will watch their spouse be that close to another human being esp of the opposite sex and be ok with it. So you lose nothing trying anyway and someone once said if you and your partner can’t pass the road side test then don’t bother getting married, you want someone you can talk to, gist with, be serious with, share your triumphs and travails with, laugh and cry with. Who else than your best friend? for those that are married you know it is more than that sugary feeling you get when you first get together, it is someone that you know once the kids are all grown and have left the nest, you can still look in his/her eyes and say this is my best friend. So yes I married my best friend though it never started out that way feelings just grew and luckily it grew both ways but really how do feelings not grow when you know you can tell this person anything and everything without fear of being judge unless he/she is family and that’s why I can’t marry a cop or any of those people because their partners become their best friends and they have to and you see blurred lines things happening after that. My point is if this person is your genuienly tell it all/bear it all bestie that means he/she knows your strengths and weakenesses and loves you for who you and is that not what we all want from a spouse???

    • LA BELLE November 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM

      all my closest friends are guys, i have 3 of them and they’ve been very significant at different points in my life, though i know that they have feelings for me but i’m not remotely attracted to any of them…well, i’m currrently pinning over a guy that i messed up being with because i was busy protecting myself from getting hurt. either way guys, just let go and be with who makes you happy, nothing is ever really guaranteed in life and life is too shot to close the door on love. learnt that the had way

    • LA BELLE November 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM

      all my closest friends are guys, i have 3 of them and they’ve been very significant at different points in my life, though i know that they have feelings for me but i’m not remotely attracted to any of them…well, i’m currrently pinning over a guy that i messed up being with because i was busy protecting myself from getting hurt. either way guys, just let go and be with who makes you happy, nothing is ever really guaranteed in life and life is too shot to close the door on love. learnt that the had way

    • Jane November 6, 2013 at 3:52 PM

      Had a bestie when i was in uni. We shared so much, it was
      like he was one of the girls. From how bobo was messing up to
      menstrual cramps. He asked me to marry him,i said no. He gets
      married and blames me for his unhappiness,i tell him you laid your
      bed now lie on it. One thing led to another and we did the
      unspeakable…now that relationship is dead and buried leaving a
      bitter aftertaste. My own opinion, it’s not the best

    • stilllovemyfriend. November 6, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      Falling for a friend can be both beautiful and Disastrous. I tried it in both instances and failed woefully. In the first case, it was with my best friend who I eventually started a relationship with cause he was wonderful, nice and knew me all too well. He was just the kind of man for a nice boring marriage just that I didn’t love him enough to want to endure a marriage with Him. I dated him cos he worshiped me and was there for me all the while I was heartbroken. I eventually called it quit when I knew it wasnt fair on him that my commitment was more out of pity and appreciation than love. He begged and said he wasnt asking for more just loving me was enough but I was not feeling that goovy splendid love episode (am a hopeless romantic). He eventually came round but has not gotten over me till date. The second guy was my friend too. We grew close cos we had so much in common, both intellectually, spiritually and physically. We were just the right match. (Well, he was mine). We started an unofficial relationship where we did everything together as a couple, movies, church, shopping, cooking and school (we are both PhD students), except sex and the likes. But we never defined it as a relationship just friendship. Partly becos, what we had in itself was beautiful without the need to spoil with commitments. He knew about my toasters and I, his admirers but we both secretly knew we were saving ourselves for each other. Being a spiritual person, He wanted God to reveal his wife whom he will propose to and for some reason, God was silent about me. We couldn’t hold back the feelings and kissed one day. We later agreed to start a relationship and revealed our love for each other while waiting for God to confirm it. He one day came up with a story about God wanting him to marry another person whom he hasn’t even meet and that am not his wife even though he deeply loves me but wants us to remain the friends we used to be. I couldn’t reconcile the physical and spiritual aspects and it hurt me deeply cos I was madly in love. Long story short, I had to end the friendship/relationship thing cos it was too much for me to bear. I was hurting and couldn’t pretend so I lost a wonderful friend alongside a potential husband. I cant help but reconnect my last experience with the first. Is it Karma?. Before You commit to a relationship with a friend, make sure you know that if it fails, the friendship will fail also. Ask, is it worth it? Sometimes, it could be mere proximity playing the tricks of affection and LUST.

    • meme November 6, 2013 at 8:50 PM

      hmm, I will say I am dating my best friend, we started of as just being friends then at 19 yrs old, he asked me out and we’ve been dating for close to 5 years.. now school is almost done, we are both young 23yrs..and both plan to be in different regions in the country which will require travelling by air. We both don’t want long distance relationships so we’ve decided to not take it further. I will miss him because he knows me inside and out, i feel very comfortable with him, we gist, gossip, do everything together and we are not bored of each other but I think its all for the best, hes a young man and I think he should do what every young man wants to do, work, party and all those stuffs. Distance will help me heal ( i do hope) as this is my first relationship and also taking a break from dating, I do hope when i’m ready, God sends the love of my life to me and also make him my best friend.
      I think dating a guy that initially was best friend works for different folks. if you have feelings for him, let him know at least you tried. if it works good, eventually even if you were dating someone different, you and your bestie will have to drift apart because no one guy will like his woman confiding in a another guy (who is not a brother) too much.

    • Mathew November 6, 2013 at 10:15 PM

      Please peeps, I need advise from you guys. My girl friend
      cheated on me with my very close friend and now am kinda going nut
      cuz I love her. Please guys, should I leave her and move on or
      should I forgive her? Right now am confused.

      • memebaby November 7, 2013 at 3:38 AM

        hey matt, you deserve better!! your gf does not think you
        do and think you can take shit and maybe even beg her… it will be
        hard but you have to let her go. and that your “very close” friend
        is not a friend, he does not value your relationship with him so I
        guess you should reevaluate who you call a close friend. dump that
        your friend and move on. YOU WILL HEAL…it takes time but you will
        definitely heal.

        • memebaby November 7, 2013 at 3:39 AM

          dump your girlfriend*** and reevaluate your friendship with
          that guy

        • Mathew November 7, 2013 at 6:34 AM

          Thanks A lot!

    • Jay November 7, 2013 at 12:46 AM

      I like my bestie but truth of thr matter is I can’t date
      him. He is charming, full of pranks and very witty. He’s got my
      back. He calls me when he is going for lunch on campus to join him,
      If he doesn’t see me in class, he would call to find out why I’m
      not around. We are both doing our Masters program. I have a
      boyfriend but he is too busy and my bestie is always there for me.
      Right now, he is ill and I always make sure I call many times a day
      to check on him. It’s strange cos these are things I haven’t done
      for my own boyfriend. My bestie is also very kind-hearted though he
      is a few years younger than me…most times he acts his age and I’m
      very protective of him like a big sister.lol But I won’t date him,
      no.

    • justsaying November 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM

      been der done dat it turned out disastrous and almost 3 years after am still hurting and of-course lost my bestie even thou he’s tried to apologise and keep in touch. Not an advocate for dating ur bestie cos wen it ends u lose on all sides now i dont even ve a bestie and dats darn lonely!

    • M_y November 7, 2013 at 1:32 PM

      Solution: Be with the person you have the best company with. They cant be two different persons because you would be robbing peter to pay paul. Hold up what’s the essence of a boyfriend/girlfriend you cant tell all to, except you guys aren’t planning to get to the end zone together (marriage). The real question that begs an answer is would you still require this bestie’s support after you get married?

    • 263Belle November 7, 2013 at 10:22 PM

      Like anything else in life: sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Many f

    • 263Belle November 7, 2013 at 10:43 PM

      Like anything else in life: sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. Many friendships have been lost after crossing that line. I have been friends with this guy since we were 10 and as much as I knew he was a nice guy, there was no way that I could have ever dated him. I knew everything about him and we were very comfortable with each other but that was just it. I met my hubby 12 years ago and he helped me through all the ups and downs of that relationship. Been married for almost 6 years now and he is now my hubby’s BFF, lol. Everytime I hear that a people of the opposite sex can never be just friends, I just shake my head.

      I do have a friend who had a “bestie” like that and when he suggested that they try it out she insisted they stay friends. They shared everything, even details sordid details of their sex lives. The guy was a highly paid actuary and yet all his relationships ended because the girls always seemed to be after his money. It was all too weird because he made it no secret that he wanted to settle down and have kids yet women seemed to run the opposite direction. After a couple of years and when they both found themselves single, she figured ‘why not’ and now that is a story we talk about everytime someone crosses that friendship line. It turns out that this gentleman as proud as he was of his sexual conquests, was really NOT well endowed. It was so bad that she felt so guilty about not being honest him that he was so small and more than likely his exes knew that marrying him would be a lifetime of misery. She still talks about how she should have trusted her instincts and stayed friends.

    • Anonymous November 9, 2013 at 12:55 AM

      I was best friends with my husband for many years before we got married. We shared the same passions, hobbies, everything and could talk for hours. We started to date and it was terrible, but we couldn’t just let go of each other. He always brought up my past relationships and he thought I was with him because my plan A, B, C and more failed. He knew too much of my past. It took the marriage several years to stabilize but it was worth the work. I couldn’t ask for anyone else, it’s just like we cannot exist without each other.

    • Agwunanenu November 10, 2013 at 4:22 AM

      But seriously, marriage as I know is about communication & no matter how long you’ve been into it you still got to make that turn always at the tail bend of every road which explains why marrying ur bestie rules out the hectic part of it all. But it’s still a game of hide & seek, you’ve got to have faith in ur seeker always.

    • abidam November 13, 2013 at 9:43 PM

      i av also falled into dat before.till now i cant still go off it.i love him like he does den,we call each other so often dat we cant do a day without seeing till now ge still tells me dat he has left someone dat can go extra miles for him.all through two years we never argued somehow we cldnt go further which i nkw from d unset though but we love each other and just wanted to be together.to cut it short,we struggled to make d frienship still work.guys its hard especially to whom u love so much.till now hes solidly with me anf i feel am treat to his wife cos dey like me in d guys house even till now.i love him and i still do .

    • Anonymous 1 November 19, 2013 at 10:02 PM

      As a girl I’ve been in le bestie zone more than once.
      I’m usually told how wonderful I am as a person and how I would make such a great woman etc but when it comes to time to choosing I’m the one left on the back burner. When they need someone to pray with, fast for them , show them how to do stuff, tutor them, advice and listen to them I’m usually on speed dial. I made the mistake of opening my mouth once and i got shut down so hard it physically hurt. I literally felt invisible in the aftermath.
      Anyways.. nice article but I’ve learnt to love from a distance and just relax till my Prince Charming finally sees me!.

    • JIE November 20, 2013 at 1:42 PM

      I met a guy over a week ago..and am head over heels..we talk bou everything and everything..we r able to share alot of things, plus we both got out of a rship..so he says “lets work on our friendship above anything that may come on the way” as we r both in a vulnurable place now….i guess we just wait and see..tho i already have some tiny butterflies in my tummy cos he gets me like we have known eachother for years….tryin to be cautious and hope for God’s will above all.

    • Kay Squared November 20, 2013 at 2:54 PM

      As to marrying your bestie or not, i guess to each, his own!!! I am glad I never dated my bestie. He is an angel but there was a reason he was friendzoned in the first place. Work on making le boo or le hubby your new bestie. When I met my hubby, we were just friends, gradually, he became my go to guy. The one I complain about everything to. (helps that he is a great listener). My bestie is still my bestie but the hubby is more than my bestfriend because I realised that if communication is what makes the bestie and i rock, then I can get the same from le boo or le hubby if we work on our communication

    • biola November 27, 2013 at 11:26 PM

      I wud advice u dnt even get so close if u dnt want it at al.I had a best friend too,he was everytn to me,we were togeda for 7yrs,I felt I wud die without him,I luvd him so much,I cud do anytn for him n vice versa,he askd me out but I told him to chill till afta service,we were so close dat everyone tot we were dating,bcos we were so close,nobody understands me like he does,I also tot we were gonna end up togeda until he started avoidin me wen we got bak from NYSC camp,he later opend up dat we shud go different ways.I tot I was goin to die,he’s d onli one av eva rili luvd.though we talk veri once in a while but dres dis part of me dat dislikes him n I dnt tink I can eva forgive him.yes,he neva promised marriage,but I can’t explain why d dislike. So pls n pls b sure of wat u want before u get to close. Define ur relationship