Ayo Sogunro: To Speak to An American Blonde About International Affairs, Press ’1′ Now

Editor’s Note: Ayo Sogunro’s piece is a rejoinder to Anne Coulter’s article titled “TO SPEAK TO A NIGERIAN PRINCE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH CARE, PRESS ’1′ NOW” {Click Here to Read}
In a comical confluence of America’s two most fundamental issues–freedom of expression and insane tolerance of idle celebrities—this week we, Nigerians, found out that a significant commentator on critical social issues on behalf of hundreds of thousands of American citizens is a woman conventionally regarded as “a dumb blonde”.

Nigerians already know that Paris Hilton and these other celebrity blondes have already been exposed as lacking vital components of human knowledge, therefore limiting them to entertainment only. However, we are now dumbfounded that these uninformed celebrities also comment on vital issues of American public policy. Nigerians, and citizens of other countries, would be eternally grateful if the American Department of Health and Human Services, and indeed, the entire American public, screens out these 19th century commentators with a good, old-fashioned “STFU” before allowing them to broadcast their opinions to the world. (But rest assured: if a country’s national dignity is eroded as a result of these abnormal commentaries, no one will be more upset about it than the American public.)

It’s a blessing to America, after all, that the conservative sector ratings have crashed even more than the Obamacare website any time these uninformed commentaries are broadcasted to the public.

Of course, celebrity political commentators are drawn from failed politicians, unreadable authors, attention-seeking columnists and front-persons for the Republican National Committee.

In fact, call right up and request advice on public issues touching on international affairs from any one of these folks! What could go wrong?

If you call today, you can book Ms. Coulter for a speech and learn from an American blonde who’s willing to share her limited knowledge of international society with you in exchange for a bank account transfer. She’ll tell you all you need to know about immigrants in general, and Nigerians in particular, from her copy of Heart of Darkness.

Which reminds me, immigrants and foreign policies have long been a prime target for these “public interest” scam commentators and conservative con-artists.

Wherever there’s a government program, there’s a gigantic opportunity for self-aggrandizement by these fellows. A fair percentage of social commentators scamming the American public are only interested in the books they sell and the marketing buzz they generate—a much more deeper concern for them than Medicaid or Medicare fraud.

Thus, Ann Coulter, in her own statements, has admitted that her views do not pretend to being balanced or fair—as long as she keeps getting the money she makes off the American public, she might have added. The lady is simply interested in making money off the American people—for contributing absolutely nothing to the public. Just take a look at the Ann Coulter website, we have:

“Never Trust A Liberal Over 3. Autographed First Edition” a book that is priced at US$28, coyly looking for buyers, in the finest tradition of desperate writers everywhere.

“Booking an Appearance: Speeches and appearances can be booked through Premiere Speakers Bureau. College speeches can be booked through Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute or Young America’s Foundation.” Just so you know that Ann Coulter comes highly priced, but she’s also willing to give a discount when sales are down.

“She is a frequent guest on many TV shows, including Hannity, Piers Morgan, Red Eye, HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, Fox & Friends, Dr. Drew, Entertainment Tonight, The Today Show, Good Morning America, The Early Show, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Hannity, The O’Reilly Factor, and has been profiled in numerous publications, including TV Guide, the Guardian (UK), the New York Observer, National Journal, Harper’s Bazaar, The Washington Post, The New York Times and Elle magazine.” And you can almost hear the webpage groaning at this elaborate name dropping, job-seeking resume.

Those are statements from Ann Coulter’s website. Autographs, speeches, interviews. Marketing for doing absolutely nothing. And she wonders who constitutes the liability to the American economy?

Do you notice anything that stands out about this marketing list? This is the kind of profile you will expect from a door-to-door hack salesman clobbering through the American southeast seeking an uneducated and ignorant clientele. She’s quite the public scammer, this one. And even if she lays claim to being a native-born crook, it’s quite certain that her ancestors were soot-faced labourers exiled from a European farm, probably for stealing farm implements.

Benjamin Franklin may not have recognised African names—he wasn’t that gifted—but, at least, he must have known what a “Coulter” was: a common farm implement.

Ann Coulter is certainly farming for publicity. Enormous, unwieldy, corrupt American government programs run by arrogant bureaucrats are bad enough for the Americans, but Ann Coulter and her ilk, milking American credulity, are even worse. But after decades of Americans paying for the upkeep of Ann Coulter and these other “public speakers”, one can’t help noticing that Medicare and Medicaid are beckoning Disneylands for these native-born social parasites.

But the problem isn’t their social commentary; it’s their ignorance and indolence. In Nigeria, we think only intelligent and reputable people get to lead public opinion. That’s not true in America!

America, for example, leads the world in “public speakers,” a job description just about as close to “unemployed” as one can get. Every level of American society is run amok with these creatures, with the smart ones getting money from international audiences, the mid-range ones getting national attention on Tea Party platforms, and the stupid ones spouting hate messages on the internet. At American universities, you can graduate with a degree and still be as oblivious as Ms Coulter. The University of Lagos would have done the lady much more good.

Now, let’s talk about Nigerians, the latest target of these conservative public speakers. It is irrelevant when any ethnicity—apart from the natives—started to settle in America. After all, there were only a few Caucasians in the Americas until the late 1600s. However, if there are nearly 250,000 Nigerians in the US today, then the US has benefited more from that relationship than has Nigeria. From the 1970s when the US was eager to lap up Nigeria’s economic oil boom till today: these Nigerians—as well as other Africans—have distinguished themselves in sports, science, business and the arts. They contributed positively to the American economy until a conservative white president grounded the economy and a black president had to take over!

Of course, Obamacare never would have passed without the massive economic degradation of the Bush administration. But instead of opening their minds about their own problems, these conservative “public speakers” are seeking to blame American problems on Nigerians—a tactic that they have consistently used in the past. Nigerians are not concerned about Obamacare: it’s failure or success is, to put it mildly, irrelevant to us. But conservatives don’t change their minds—they only change their scapegoats. In order to bash Obamacare, Ann Coulter and her friends had to bring in the Third World to shoulder the blame, displaying their crass ignorance of foreign relations and exposing the American public to international ridicule.

The downside is that America is now chock-full of people who, instead of looking inwards and understanding what America stood for—a cultural melting pot—prefer to cast away all national responsibility and blame others for their affairs. If the thought pattern of Ann Coulter and her specimen is anything to rely on, Americans are like a whining child, ready to blame everyone else for their problems.

Only a good knock on the head can reform such a mentality. I sure hope these parasitic American “public speakers” have Nigerian-style entrepreneurship, and are very keen on getting off their podiums and attempting an honest day’s job for once!

Nigerians are now aware that a certain Ann Coulter is the Paris Hilton of American politics, we’re just astonished that such a job description exists in the first place.

Photo Credit: presstv.ir
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Ayo Sogunro is the author of the book, The Wonderful Life of Senator Boniface and other Sorry Tales. A lawyer by profession, he also indulges in socio-legal philosophy on www.ayosogunro.com. Interact with him on Twitter via @ayosogunro.

48 Comments on Ayo Sogunro: To Speak to An American Blonde About International Affairs, Press ’1′ Now
  • DocDeola November 20, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Oh my goodness, whoever Ann Coulter is, I hope she hasn’t read this….she’d be weeping into her tea party cup till the sun sets, wow, vitriolic, passionate, machine gun attack, hope she stays down!

  • mamamo November 20, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Wow! This is the best write-up i have read in a long time…way to go Ayo Sogunro, your response was so apt…

  • Happy Nigerian November 20, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    I am glad that Nigerians are no longer passively accepting the “jabs” these Americans take at us anymore. first it was the US Senator and now this Coulter creature. Thank You Mr Ayo, i hope the Coulter thing gets to read this.

  • Vee November 20, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    I seriously hope that Ann coulter or whatever she calls herself reads this.

    Very intelligent write up. She needs to take notes LOL

  • Seyi November 20, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    She ranted and you ranted. Who is better in the both of
    you. I thought I was going to read an intelligent comeback but you
    only descended to the level of the person you disdain. No matter
    the fancy big grammer, it doesn’t remove from that. The Ann Coulter
    story gave me a lot of bile and it was very ignorant but the
    scamming part at least was not a lie even though she grabbed hold
    of that to rubbish us but your own response to her is also
    nonsenical ramblings. Like both of you should take several seats
    and abuse each other. To respond to her one needs to rise above the
    argument and present a carefully worded intellectually superior
    article. This was definitely not. Our fellow Nigerians of course
    will jump on this article and say yes well done, give it back to
    her because that is our way of dealing with matters. How dare you.
    You abuse us we abuse you back. That is the game of not very smart
    people. If someone insults you sometimes the way to respond is not
    to insult back but to come across as intellectually superior.
    Nothing scores home the point more than that. There is no better
    isho than to act your cool while making the other person look
    stupid without descending to their level. Sorry no praise for this
    piece.

    • kunle November 20, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Seyi, You miss the point of the article. People like
      Coulter don’t care about facts and figures. They only care to hear
      themselves. This article is a puncture to her ego. You can give
      sensible people the facts and figures, but people like Anne Coulter
      only deserve public ridicule. Not explanations. That is what this
      article does.

      • zsa zsa November 20, 2013 at 9:25 pm

        You are right @Kunle. Ann COulter just likes to hear
        herself talk…she’s been getting on my nerves for years and thanks
        to America having a black president her voice got louder. Facts
        don’t mean anything to her. When its time to promote her book she
        goes on a media binge talking trash everywhere including liberal
        shows like Real time with Bill Maher… the same liberals she has
        ideological problems with. Whenever i see her on TV i just change
        the channel. Great rejoinder by the way.

    • randommer November 20, 2013 at 4:54 pm

      um it’s supposed to be satirical and mirror how nonsensical the original article was

    • Fabian November 20, 2013 at 6:51 pm

      Seyi my thinking on this was close to yours, but I think your comments are unfair on the writer…at least on some level. The article was beautifully written but at the end it can be written off as a commonplace “Nigerian retort”. What I cannot say is whether any attempt at a response could have escaped that trap. Perhaps, like you seemed to suggest, the talented Mr. Sogunro should have steered clear of blabbing blondes.

    • Chinwe November 20, 2013 at 8:13 pm

      You ppl dont get d point at all. Go and do research on Coulter and u will see u cant debate with ppl like her. They don’t care. if you want debate about Nigeria, go to the UN. WHy should we prove Nigeria to anybody anyway? Get it straight. this article is a brilliant satire on right wing Americans who think they can pronounce on other ppl’s cultures. it is not a debate about Nigeria.

    • ofVALOUR November 21, 2013 at 6:40 am

      You do have a point there, Seyi, that what Mr Ayo Sogunro has written here is not an entirely intellectually superior comeback to the obviously drivel-filled horse-crap that Ann Coulter spewed from her vitriolic piece.

      What I would like to know, however, is where do YOU get off saying “…but the
      scamming part at least was not a lie”?

      Since you so are on the side of facts, you might want to tell the eager public how you or anyone of your friends or acquaintances majored in Credit Card Fraud at the University of Lagos.

      Ann Coulter’s piece, ignorant.
      Ayo Sogunro’s rejoinder, emotionally driven and not much better.
      Seyi’s caution, much the same as the 1 and 2 above.

    • Jo! November 21, 2013 at 8:47 am

      Thank you. My exact thoughts.

    • Jama Onwubuariri November 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      Robert Greene, in 48 Laws of Power, says to reserve your poem for a poet, and get out your sword if you want to spar with a warrior. Facts and figures will befit a response to an intellectual. Ann Coulter is not one, so do not waste time doing research. Ayo, I would have preferred a paragraph by paragraph counter, though. I am of the position that you did not address some aspects of her ignorance. But please make sure he reads it.

    • Tee November 23, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      Since Ayo Sogunro did a shoddy job of this comeback, why not write a more intelligent piece and let Bella post it for you on their front page instead of hiding this “knowledge” in this dingy little comment page? People like you are quick to criticise without providing a solution. Please take several seats Seyi.

      Thank you.

    • Just an opinion November 24, 2013 at 12:18 am

      I agree. And why insult Paris Hilton? Have you met her before? Do you know her? FYI She’s NOT dumb at all. She may portray a certain public image but she’s a very successful business woman sitting on an empire that she runs. Don’t undermine people based on what the media portrays of them. All that name calling puts you and her on the same level.

  • Grown Woman November 20, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    What in the world, this woman needs a LIFE,thanks Mr Ayo
    for a good write up.i hope tht bish gets to read this lol

  • Aibee November 20, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Gbam, Gbammer, Gbammest. Well done, Mr. Sogunro. O wi re!
    Dear BN and fellow Nigerians, how can we get this Article to Ann
    Coulter’s attention?

  • Shola tominsin November 20, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Nice write up sir I must say.. They always think they are the best.

  • Anita.... November 20, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    A million likes for this….Caustic,biting,witty. This is what i call a ROBUST reply!

  • Person November 20, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Solid rejoinder!!! Thank God for common sense!!

  • Autoprincess November 20, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Mmmmm, how do I say this without offending folks? I was
    hopeful at the beginning of the article, like yes, someone is going
    to go for Ann Coulter’s jugular, but as I kept on reading, I saw
    that this is one of the ‘let us just give it to the dumb blonde’
    article. Nothing to actually refute her claims, except at
    paragraphs 18 or 19 where you stated that immigrants ‘read
    Nigerians’ actually contribute to the success of the American
    society in different areas. But in its entirety, this article did
    not refute what Ann Coulter wrote, but it is just a case of who is
    better mudslinger. My 2 kobo o

    • Autoprincess November 20, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      sorry meant ‘who is a better mudslinger’.

  • Autoprincess November 20, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    PS: What has Paris Hilton done to you? She should sue you!

    • kunle November 20, 2013 at 4:50 pm

      There is no legal wrong here. You sue people who accuse you of false facts not people who insult you. You want the author to waste his time refuting issues to racists and white supremacists? It would never change them. All they deserve is public ridicule, that is what they fear.

      • Autoprincess November 20, 2013 at 7:24 pm

        So, was offensive article written by Paris Hilton?

  • Kilipot November 20, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Yio da fun o, o si ni tosi!

  • St. ed November 20, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    This article which I presume the writer is trying to reply Ann Coulter’s earlier article on Nigerian scammers is just semantics and syntax. The writer is just replying based on emotions and not on a sound intellectual dispute of the facts Ann Coulter raised.
    Ann Coulter made a point about Nigerians being scammers and yes she wasn’t far from the truth, however, her assumption is also false because quite alot of Nigerians in diaspora are very hardworking, educated and excel in their chosen professions.
    Every country is made up of good and bad citizens. This is where I expected the writer to extrapolate and make a sound reply to her initial article.
    I also didn’t see the point in the writer calling out Paris Hilton. That’s just pure slander. Neither did I see the point in him saying “Public Speaking” is less of a job….. those points he raised were simply out of the point.
    if anyone decides to write a reply to Ann Coulter, such a reply should be focused on why generalizing the citizens of a country as scammers is myopic and unreasonable.
    P.S: Bella Naija, I think you guys should have a team of highly sound intellectuals to vet and scrutinize articles that people submit for posting as not every write up you guys have posted actually seeks to provoke critical thinking except for a few.

    • Chinwe November 20, 2013 at 7:25 pm

      You ppl dont get d point at all. Go and do research on Coulter and u will see u cant debate with ppl like her. They don’t care. if you want debate about Nigeria, go to the UN. WHy should we prove Nigeria to anybody anyway? Get it straight. this article is a brilliant satire on right wing Americans who think they can pronounce on other ppl’s cultures. it is not a debate about Nigeria.

      • ofVALOUR November 21, 2013 at 8:40 am

        The issue is not about DEBATING as it is about CLARIFYING the issues and not messing up the cyber space with more nonsense than we honestly have to put up with.

        The issue is not about engaging HER but engaging the PUBLIC, amongst whom are better and saner thinkers.

    • Sere November 20, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      The writer obviously didn’t intend to refute any claims. If you read Ann Coulter’s article, you should have noted that it was majorly nonsensical and conceived out of her own prejudices. The writer gave an apt rejoinder in my opinion. Witty, laden with below the belt jabs and quite appropriately silly. I can only fault the title. The ‘dumb blonde’ part was rather kind.

  • jcsgrl November 20, 2013 at 7:04 pm

    OMG!!! How did I miss this piece? Thank you BN for posting this rejoinder and Ayo for a brilliant write up. I’ve been thinking of ways to blast that woman for that write up but I no get the writing prowess to do so. Thank you Thank you Thank you. Now I’m going to repost this article everywhere. Make she no try naija cos we no dey carry last. Ann or whatever her name is just craves attention just like Sarah Palin two dumb blondes who have nothing to offer

  • Olamide azeez November 20, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Ayo will never deviate from is satirical mode of writing. But how he manage to keep this on point while still keeping to is style is quite amusing.

  • kunle November 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    The second paragraph shows the Paris connection. Entertainment celebrities should be left to entertain and not to state public policies. Google on Coulter and you will see her record of entertainment politics.

  • Sere November 20, 2013 at 9:27 pm

    I was a fly on the wall in Coulter’s office the day she
    wrote that article. It went like this (err… forgive my
    inaccuracies, i’m paraphrasing) ‘Oh my, I have to stop this’ she
    said, fighting back the tears that clouded her big ?blue eyes (and
    her better judgement). ‘America’s not big enough’. Then a light
    bulb came on in her head (yes, i saw it) and she hurriedly began to
    type into the search box on the google homepage – Medicare scams
    involving impostors/American wannabes whose name Ben Franklin
    probably won’t recognize – and she laughed rapturously in her best
    ‘villian’ voice. ‘Yay me! Found it!’ she said and squealed
    delightedly. Then she let out a loud fart, the musical kind. She
    began to type… P.s I was also a fly on Ayo’s wall and all i can
    say is, it wasn’t easy for him to stoop, but a man of valour must
    rise …

    • Mz Socially Awkward... November 21, 2013 at 12:22 am

      You’re a mad hatter :-D And I wish we could all just ignore
      Anne Coulter, stop driving internet traffic her way because she’s
      obviously looking for attention….

    • BellaYankee November 21, 2013 at 5:09 am

      Lmaoooooooooo. Best comment ever! Where is Chimamanda when you need her?

    • TA November 21, 2013 at 8:03 am

      @ Sere! LOL! ROTFLOOOL! Thanks to you I’ve been laughing like a mad person all morning. musical fart? bu ha! ha!ha! he! ho! :-)

    • Salt Fyfi November 21, 2013 at 2:38 pm

      hahahahaha @ sere

  • KOOL OLA November 20, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    iVE WATCHED SOME OF THIS WOMAN’S INTERVIEW, I DONT THINK SHE DESERVE ALL THIS STRESS AND ATTENTION WE ARE GIVING TO HER. SHE IS SIMPLY A HATEFUL, DISGUSTING, EVIL, RACIST, BIGOT AND ATTENTION SEEKING INDIVIDUAL. THE SAME PERSON WHO CALLED PRESIDENT OBAMA A MONKEY. WHY OPENEING UP A DEBATE WITH SUCH A LOW LIFE FAILED WANNABE CELEBRITY? SHE IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING. SHE SHOULD BE IGNORED!

  • KOOL OLA November 20, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    IVE WATCHED SOME OF THIS WOMAN’S PAST INTERVIEWS, I DONT
    THINK SHE DESERVE ALL THESE STRESS AND ATTENTION WE ARE GIVING TO
    HER. SHE IS SIMPLY A HATEFUL, DISGUSTING, EVIL, RACIST, BIGOT AND
    ATTENTION SEEKING INDIVIDUAL. THE SAME PERSON WHO CALLED PRESIDENT
    OBAMA A MONKEY. WHY OPENING UP A DEBATE WITH SUCH A LOW LIFE FAILED
    WANNABE CELEBRITY? SHE IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING. SHE
    SHOULD BE IGNORED!

    • Jo! November 21, 2013 at 11:19 am

      And you’re screaming because?

  • 'Mide November 21, 2013 at 4:52 am

    Poor Nigerians, you still don’t get it, but when will you ? Ann Coulter does not give a hoot about Nigerians, she cares more about her brand and her pocket. Her write up was mean’t to appeal to a certain audience in America. She used her article to stoke fear and call out ignorant Americans to rally around a cause. The best way to deal with characters like Ann is studied silence and shutting them out of the news , but if you want a reponse badly , then let other smart liberal blondes call her out in a language she would understand, not naija speak

  • ofVALOUR November 21, 2013 at 7:07 am

    And as for you, Mr Ayo Sogunro, you aren’t that much better than the ignorant Ann Coulter as far as this piece goes, are you?

    First, you feed into a stereotype of the “dumb blonde” that is scientifically not grounded and intellectually unfounded. Then you go on to fuel another stereotype [self-formed this time] when you say ‘“public speakers,” a job description just about as close to “unemployed” as one can get’.

    What do you say, who has more rights to feed, have or broadcast unsubstantiated stereotypes- Ann Coulter with her major in credit card fraud from the University of Lagos or you with your aversion to dumb blondes and public speakers?

    • TheOga November 21, 2013 at 10:53 am

      Why so serious Mr Valour? Yo want to dissect a satire? It can’t work like that. “Satire”, noun: 1: a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn 2 : wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly. You understand? Are you a public speaker? The satire bite you?

    • Sere November 21, 2013 at 11:13 am

      Dude, you missed the logic. He ‘parodied’ her article. That takes intelligence and skill.

  • DOO November 21, 2013 at 10:44 am

    Many thanks Ayo!!!

  • Eyo November 21, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    At American universities, you can graduate with a degree and still be as oblivious as Ms Coulter…nice come back for ” At University of Lagos you can major in credit card fraud. Anyways, i like Mr. Ayo’s write up, Nice one .TheOga Ose!, e bi like say satire bite d dude true true; Shame to bad pple. What is wrong with carrying out a broad research before going public with false and misguided information as Coulter has just done.

  • deb November 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    U people should try and understand literature, use of words and writing before you start criticising a brilliant article like this. I paary this gets to Anne, she will not be able to comprehend the writeup until she get a professor of English from Havard university to explain to her. That is how dumb she is. Ayo sogunro, thank you.

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