Oby O: A Tale of Two Abilities! The Perspective of One (Working) Mom

IMG_1780I’ve been mulling over some thoughts in my head, these conflicting ideals of what our society thinks motherhood is all about. If you choose to stay at home to raise your kids it is considered as using motherhood as an excuse to sit at home and ‘do nothing’, yet if you choose to have a career you are looked upon cynically as someone who chose a career over motherhood.
From personal experience, the one fallacy I have to come to realize since becoming a “working mom” (in Nigeria) is the unspoken expectation that a woman cannot be a good mother and have a career. Deciding to go back to work after having a baby is surprisingly still frowned upon.

In mommyhood vocabulary “career” is often made out to be an unflattering word, in the same redundant catalog where “formula feeding”, and “caesarean section” have been unflatteringly categorized. The phrase “career woman” is often used in a condescending manner – as if to suggest “selfish career woman, daring to have her own aspirations beyond the family, to have needs of her own!”

Why? Why is it that once a woman becomes a mother she is expected to not have goals and dreams outside of keeping the family?

Personally, my family is undoubtedly my number one priority, my heartbeat. As a working mom, my time may be limited BUT I’m IRREPLACEABLE. I can outsource the care of my son for a few hours a day, I can outsource cleaning or cooking but I cannot outsource what I mean to my son or my family. As a family, we may be imperfectly perfect, but we are inseparable – as the neck is to the head.

On the other hand with my career I am most definitely replaceable. Another lawyer with similar qualifications and capabilities can certainly carry on if I’m replaced. If ever I were in doubt about my ability to adequately function simultaneously as a wife, mother and lawyer, I would, without hesitation, take a back seat in pursuing my career. Because my career is a thing, not a beautiful breathing living person with an impressionable mind that needs to be nurtured.

So you ask, why then may a mother choose to go to work for approximately 1/3rd of the day, rather than spend the entire day tending to the needs of her family?

In answering this, it is important to first recognize that there are countless variations of parenting – mothers who have no choice but to work, single parents, stay-at-home dads, working from home moms, momprenuers, Moms in school, blended families, etc. I don’t claim to know those experiences and I recognize that your individual struggles (in terms of societal expectations as parents) are not any less valid. However, I’m writing mainly from my perspective – as a working mom.

Secondly, I’ll explain what I believe a career could mean to some working moms, and why (personally) I won’t apologize for it.

To some working moms, a career represents personal goals and dreams. Yes, we have those – because we are human beings first, before our blissful responsibilities as wives or mothers or both – a lot like the oxygen mask analogy.

From personal experience, I’ve realized that having these goals makes me a happier and a more fulfilled person. Moreso, I LOVE being a lawyer, and I’m blessed to enjoy the work that I do. It keeps my brain sharp, utilizes the education and expertise I’ve built over the years, and makes me appreciate the time I spend with my family all the more! I work because I want to, and I know I am blessed to have a choice.

So it is a bit lot disappointing when “society” continues to portray an unflattering image that a woman cannot simultaneously have a career and be a good mother. On this understanding, a number of women have quit jobs following pregnancy and childbirth; not necessarily out of choice but because of a perceived compulsion to choose between having a career and raising a child.

A more valid point we should establish in any discussion on “working moms” is that all moms are “working moms”. Moms are always at work, and that has to be acknowledged. It shouldn’t only be considered “work” when it involves a paid salary, a promotion or remuneration of some sort.

The real work is what we do everyday; the overlooked and undervalued work we do throughout our lives to keep the family (and society at large) flourishing; by having children, nurturing them, raising them, keeping a home, all while attempting to maintain our sanity. The truly important stuff women have always done – devoid of the hollowness of monetary compensation.

Society needs to be more tolerant of the choices made by mothers. In reality, without all these tags, we are all simply moms. I believe that as long as a parent does what he or she truly believes is the best thing to do for his or her family; it should be respected as the right thing. Sometimes it’s a choice, sometimes it’s a circumstance; but if it’s your way, it’s the right way.

If you are a Stay-at-Home-Mom (SAHM) reading this, please know that I recognize and admire your ability to look after your kid(s) all day without expecting any promotion, salary or remuneration. I appreciate that you are a dedicated, constant and qualified figure in the life of your kid(s) even when it may be exhausting – because taking care of our kid(s), that’s the real ‘work’.

To all (parenting variations of) mothers, I know the guilt, pressure and judgment you may feel and the constant need to justify your place in society. I understand how important and invaluable your role is because I’m also a mother.

When I’m at my job, I’m a mom. When I come home, I’m still a mom. It is my “tale of 2 abilities”.
But somehow, I will endeavor to be present for my family, while simultaneously striving for excellence in my career. There will need to be sacrifices from both – so I must learn to accept that I may not be at every school play and in the same vein, I will have to turn down some avoidable work engagements.

If you are a “working mom” reading this, no matter what society dictates don’t let anyone make you feel that you should give up on your goals and dreams in order to be a good mom. You can strive for a work-life balance with a clear conscience and clean heart. But ultimately, you should make a decision that suits you and your family.

Let’s discuss, what are your experiences with preconceived societal expectations as SAHMs or WMs in Nigeria?

67 Comments on Oby O: A Tale of Two Abilities! The Perspective of One (Working) Mom
  • MamaD March 7, 2016 at 10:25 am

    Nice article.
    I see the Ohakim girls are taking over BN.
    Oby, I love ur blog pics. Try find ways to be a lot different from MakyBenson. You seem to copy her style most times.

    • LL March 7, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      An entrepreneur is a working mum.

    • Olanma March 7, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      LL, Amaka isn’t a working Mom. Entrepreneur of what? She even said she plans to go back to work as an Energy Analyst this year.

    • ssjui March 8, 2016 at 1:26 am

      maky is a working mum oo.. just because she doesn’t talk about her Job doesn’t mean she isn’t,

    • candy March 8, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      She copies everything that lady Maky does. Starting from insagram to this. I just can’t stand this woman .

      • Ada March 9, 2016 at 11:40 am

        Seriously tho, I hate people who don’t look at the positive but just stay back and type cos they have fingers. Let the woman live *rme* and I don’t know her nor follow her on instagram but she wrote a beautiful piece, appreciate it or move on!

      • NationalSquirrel May 8, 2016 at 9:59 pm


    • Hey mama March 9, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Amaka was working full time and being a mum full time too when she lived in London with Micah, she worked as an Energy economist. Now they’ve moved to Geneva to be with her hubby, she isn’t working at the moment as she’s currently waiting for her work permit to come through. She actually said all this in an article or her Instagram, can’t remember which but she explained that,

    • Igwe March 9, 2016 at 11:46 am

      Hey Mama, Amaka stopped being a working Mum even before she moved to Geneva. She stopped being a working Mom shortly after she had her son. She is a full-time and has been for a little over a year.

    • Igwe March 9, 2016 at 11:48 am

      Full-time Mum

    • Feyi March 10, 2016 at 5:52 pm

      Went to read her blog, its not bad but I noticed she uses the same sign off “love & light” as Third World Profashional. Daks has been using hers for years, this babe is clearly copying her. Copying Maky Benson, copying Adaku. Oby please be yourself, everyone else is taken.

    • NationalSquirrel May 8, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      Bella naija will post any ibo girl.

  • prince March 7, 2016 at 10:32 am

    Some Nigerian men don’t want their wives to work especially the northerners. I believe things are changing gradually because if you live in a city like Abuja with a wife and children and your wife isn’t working, get ready to run mad because of bill (house rent and school fees can make one run mental).
    I’m a man and I appreciate and respect women that works, you should. If men works, you should work because you’re not lesser than them

    • Cindy March 7, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      Choosing not to work does not make a woman lesser than a man. Staying at home to take care of things at home front is itself is work. When will you people recognize that?

  • Rose March 7, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Hmmmm Interesting post…But I’m left thinking why should we be so concerned about what ‘society’says. That appears to be the bedrock of this article. The desire to be appreciated and acceptEd by society based on the path of motherhood one chooses to go by. What I think we should be encouraging is doing right for our families. Also encouraging couples to prepare for motherhood rather than allowing it to dictate to you. We spend all our money on a wedding and then forget a baby may be on its way quicker than we think. All in all, we are not the first generation to have babies in an disfunctioned economy our parents have been doing it for years. Some worked and some didn’t. No one path suits all. Looking for affirmation from society is a ticket to illness. Ride on ladies and do what’s best for your own family. Society is not responsible for you’re children. You are!! 🙂

    • Olanna&Odenigbo March 7, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      why are u looking for society’s appreciation? are you society’s mother???

    • Lady G March 12, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Thank you Rosie. I think the article focused too much on what society thought! Dont let society determine what you decide to do as a mother.. Do you! And there’s no big deal in women having a career and raising a family in Need Nigeria. I grew up surrounded by such women and mothers.. My mum and all her friends, my aunties etc all worked.. FULL TIME

  • Analyst March 7, 2016 at 10:37 am

    The newest online craze with Nigerians. Mummy blogger. First everyone had an entertainment blog, they realised they couldn’t match up to the big 3. they fell by the way side. Then came fashion blogging. that wave too passed, changing clothes and camera odikwa expensive. The next craze was food blogging.everyone and their mama with pot and stove had a blog. that fad too has gone as those who rule the roost in that field are impossible to compete with. They’ve moved on now to the newest craze: mummy blogger. Everybody wey born pikin now has something to say. Continu. I wonder what the next blogging craze will be. Convenient Obi that you reduced your surname to O. The name Ohakim causes controversy shey?

    • victoria March 7, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      GET A LIFE! So you could not grasp any positivity from the article than to spill rubbish! It it helps one person out there then she has done something great.

      • Analyst March 7, 2016 at 4:50 pm

        Hello Oby Ohakim. Oh, I have a life thank you. My comment was an observation and if it dey pinch you for body. That’s your business o. All these bored “working mum’s” who seem to think they have the key to the gates of motherhood and want to share their “words of wisdom” with the world, like they just discovered gold. This is something generations of women have been doing since time immemorial but it is the latest thing in town now so we shall all nod and smile and say thank you Ma for pointing out the glaringly obvious. The one person it helped must surely be living in Mars and has never come across women before. Nothing wrong with your venture but the tone of you latest mommy bloggers evokes smirks and raised eyebrows. I wonder what my mum that raised 5 kids and rose to the MD of a bank will say. Enjoy your latest fad. I will check back in 2020 when you’ve moved on to the next thing. Word of advice. Like all top bloggers in the fields mentioned above, bring something to the table that hasn’t been discussed ad nauseam.

      • Olanma March 7, 2016 at 7:23 pm

        It might not be Oby Ohakim, it could be anyone commenting.

    • Olanna&Odenigbo March 7, 2016 at 7:47 pm

      i didnt even see it from the craze side, my thought before and after reading was…. when did it become a big deal to explain to the so called society about your work choices…. who cares???

      Our generation wont be the first to have working mothers, but EVERY thing now don be matter of headline…..from the time I had sense to now in my old age, i have always seen my mum work… more than 2/3 the ladies in my family were working mums, my grandma a business guru, my dad’s side had working and stay-at home mums and all round everybody lived as others lived…..once you face your life, you wont remember to carry society on your head….. the judging isnt that serious biko, make your work useful, write articles about how women can get better deals in courts of law or better child support in case of broken marriages/rships…, dont come and be explaining to me how your husband and kids are your priority, I no follow you marry them!

      In this same Nigeria wey i sabi, its other mothers sef that will be judging themselves, only to turn around and claim society…. abeg make we hear. If people are judging you, name them….dont be calling 5 people ‘society’!

      • chibaby March 8, 2016 at 3:14 pm

        Totally I agree with you..I was reading the line that going back to work after children is frowned upon and I was like huh? Naija women have been working and raising kids for years!! its nothing new.

    • victoria March 7, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      ANALYST – Thats all you’ll probably every be. Analysing and observing other peoples lives. You don’t deserve a detailed response. See you in 2020 when you eventually finish analysing other peoples lives and can start with yours.

    • NationalSquirrel May 8, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      Looool before she got married she proudly shouted out “oby anunobi”

  • Kelechi March 7, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Trying to play the blame game in life get you know were. Ladies should do what ever they feel like, but remember that there are pros and cons, make a choice and stick with it, quit trying to blame the society for everything. As a man you are expected to be financially stable between mid 20’s to late 20’s, but men don’t moan over it, as we strive to meet up.

  • pinkie March 7, 2016 at 11:30 am

    BN really bombarding us with this family. first the twins, now the sister-in-law. mo ti gbo.

  • Californiabawlar March 7, 2016 at 11:58 am

    My mum and the entire environment that influenced my upbringing must have done a pretty banged up job on me. I swear I didn’t even think that not having a job or career was an option in life…I only ever saw it in movies**.
    I grew up in a small town…everyone** worked…ministries, teaching, law firms, hospitals…some owned ‘shops’ or businesses…a lot had both day jobs, businesses and even hustled for contract jobs from the government. In fact I remember a lot of my mums friends castigating her for not opening a store…then she did…babanla disaster ( a ‘stay in your lane’ story for another day, hehehe).

    **there were men and women that didn’t work. I remember one lady in my mum’s social club…she was always mysterious to me. My mum never brought her up in conversations outside of church and parties. I remember my siblings and I always saying that there was something different about Mrs. Lagbaja…only for me to grow up to find out it was because she was a stay at home mum! My people that’s how odd this concept is to me, so forgive me when I can’t jump on the ” Being a homemaker is the hardest job ever” train…I really apologize, I guess times have changed.

    My mum once advised a younger woman not to be ‘ALABODO’…**covers face** you never want to hear your mama say those words. Never. Ever. Eww.

    • Celina March 7, 2016 at 12:37 pm

      loooool. Please what is ALABODO?
      Anyways i feel you o, reading this article was very alien to me.
      I didn’t even know people still think this way about mothers that work, heck i didn’t even know it was an option to quit your job after bearing kids.
      At the end of the day the decision is unique to every family, their needs and what’s best for them but by now whatever decision it is should not even be a subject of discussion anymore abeg, talk about dragging women back into stone age era.
      i guess everyone wan get blog now sha.

      • honey omo lekki March 7, 2016 at 4:04 pm

        Alabode literarilly means “Someone you feed just for the purpose of sex* or *someone you feed to gbensh*

        I hope i tried. Hehehe

    • Californiabawlar March 7, 2016 at 1:33 pm

      It’s NEVER nice to be judgmental….my point was more towards the need for declaring and justifying or antagonizing what was considered a norm since the 1700s. Women’s rights in our parts weren’t for working…it was more about empowering the girl-child with an education so she can get a better job. Like someone said, why are we discussing this? Just do what you want to do abeg…
      Abeg if you guys want to know what Alabodo means, go and look for @whocares…I can swear on my life that crazy chick will know the meaning…her or @Tosin…hehehehe.

  • kaay March 7, 2016 at 12:32 pm

    These Okahim girls are not sleeping on the internet at all. Waiting for the younger sister too to start blooging or vlogging about something.

  • Californiabawlar March 7, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    Sister Obi…one small thing…how does one aspire to be a professor? My unsolicited opinion: your bio was ‘full’ enough without that little jara…it’s either you’re in school or not…

  • Oma March 7, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    Nicely written article, and i never would have known the writer was an ‘Ohakim’ until i read the comments, not that it matters. Oby, you sound like someone who really has it together and i admire that. I am in fact surprised to learn from the comments that you are young mum? you sounded way older and experienced. Keep doing what you doing girl. I am looking forward to also doing a good job of balancing my career and motherhood, i just have to find a husband first *wink*

  • Vicki March 7, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    And there we have a normal well meaning person ! With constructive feedback garnished with encouragement ! We need more people like you ! Not those who can only talk that talk through their keyboard .
    Let’s be positive !

  • nancy March 7, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    The general trend these days ehn. Pop one baby and become a mummy blogger. Abeg all these women seeking for notice in the name of mommy blogger *Amaka Benson and her wannabees* should go and rest abeg. It is becoming irritating. Trying to show us you are the best mom out here. Meanwhile they fail to give recognition to the full time nannies they are hiding in the background. Abeg we have heard u people. Go and collect your mommy of the year trophies. NEXTTTT__________

  • Natu March 7, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    A woman is entitled to do whatever she wants. If she wants to stay in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, let her be. As for me, I am heading to the top!!!

  • SugaMama March 7, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    As much as I get why people are talking about mummy bloggers and it being a craze, and them not being the first to have kids and careers, we have to understand there are a lot of people in the same position as these women that can relate. These women are simply reaching out to other women in the same position and creating a community for them.
    Yes, your mother raised all 3, 5 or 10 of you without starting a blog, but I’m pretty sure she would have appreciated a blog like this.
    See, Tito Idakula is not the first woman to experience the tragedy of losing a baby, but she has created a community where people can share their own tragedies and help each other heal through it.
    I think we should applaud her for adding one more thing to her agenda – blogging. I have a full time job, no husband, no kids and if you asked me to start a blog, I’ll ask you for more hours in the day.
    Oby, I salute you. Keep up the good work.

  • JENNIFER March 7, 2016 at 7:31 pm

    As in, she needs to shut-up. While I cannot be a full-time housewife (as a married woman you’re a housewife); there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a housewife. Many ful-time housewives have raised CEOs. Some of you are too shallow.

  • Deep Soul March 7, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I read a comment that said there’s no big deal in working and being a mum? Huh? Say what?! Please it is by no means an easy feat and that, to me, makes it a super huge deal.

    And so what if we have a million mummy bloggers? How is that in any way a negative thing? Every now and then, I learn a thing or two from these people and it’s sometimes refreshing to hear others’ perspective.

    If you don’t like them, it shouldn’t bother you at all. Eg I don’t consider myself a fashion person and so everyone owning a fashion blog will not even remotely register in my head

  • Idomagirl March 8, 2016 at 2:14 am

    I don’t get all the complaints about mummy bloggers, is it because Nigerians are generally notoriously tight-lipped about matters relating to family?

    Either way though I think it’s great that mums like Oby and Amaka are sharing their experiences. It’s good to have a community of people going through a similar journey to share their experiences and relate with each other.
    If one woman can learn something that makes her life easier isn’t it worth it?
    I’m sure half of those complaining are subscribed to Mummy Centre and co, free abeg.

    I personally enjoyed reading this post, it’s refreshingly well written & addresses a subject that is still a big deal to so many. If you can work outside the home without judgement, lucky you, trust me it’s not the same for everyone.

  • Mrs oke March 8, 2016 at 11:14 am

    I am a working mum and I struggled with guilt when I resumed work after my maternity leave but after speaking with other working Mum’s I realized I wasn’t wrong for wanting to build my career while also raising my son. What’s important is having a solid support system. Above all, my family remains my topmost priority.

  • hmmm March 8, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    All these new IDs wey never comment before that we are just seeing for the first time on this post. Odikwa very suspicious

    • MissGidi March 8, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      The Twins are busy today oh!

      • jhennique March 9, 2016 at 11:32 am

        dont be an idiot @missGidi

    • NationalSquirrel May 8, 2016 at 10:05 pm

      Ohakim girls have Internet na. One of them is married to a Google partner

  • jokey March 8, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    Nice piece, WM is good if mums can make the few time they are at home count. Don’t bring work stress home. Mums should appreciate their house helps and husbands becos without these people, ur office work won’t be easy sailing. Above all mums should learn to balance their life. I think every woman should be supported to enjoy/fulfil her career but the problem is they quickly forget the essence of the career and abuse the opportunity.

  • Precious March 8, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Based on some comments I just read here. Sometimes it hurts me when people start putting down the at stay home moms. That’s the toughest job in the world. Not talking about the ones who have drivers, nannies or any help. From my own experience I never bargained for such but I found my self in it. I sincerely can’t wait to get out of it soon to get a job immediately I get through with what am stuck with. Both stay at home and working moms should be praised. No stay at home mum should be put down especially those living abroad without no family members or nanny to help.

  • pookie March 8, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    All these mummy bloggers, it is so convenient for you all to come on here and bombard us with shit like this. You choose to work, you do not choose to work, its all because u have options (RICH FAMILY), irrespective of your options, u will feed and buy the best clothes and jewelry and take vacations. A mother who’s husband’s salary is not even enough for them for a week, u think she wont jump at the opportunity of a job given to her. Bottom line, “ayo le n yo” you’ve drank and ate and slept and dont know what else to do with ur time and money u come on here to chat shit talmabout “mummy bloggers impacting the society” abegi society of fellow rich wives? gerarahia

    • funke March 8, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      As innn. its so tired. after giving birth to one child, they start to offer pearls of wisdom on the “balancing act”. balancing act with nanny, driver(s), cook, gardener, laundry man and sufficient money at your disposal.

      as if we are supposed to applaud you for looking after the husband you married and child you gave birth to. you cook okra and eba for your child and you want praise. abeg shift.

  • nne March 8, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    while i appreciate the effort put into this article, i feel like a lot of these young “INSTAGRAM” mums with ONE child are constantly seeking validation on the internet.

    if you read her instagram posts you’ll get what i mean. just focus on your family and leave all this internet popularity.

  • Arun March 8, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    @ analyst dont be a spectator …… there is no harm in sharing and inspiring people…..please women shuld stop hating and get bizzy…. you just told us about your mum indirectly we are proud of her too… no reasonable person will hate on this….

  • Wakama March 8, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    In as much as I appreciate her writing skills, I think she would have been better of as a fashion blogger rather than a mummy blogger. She has good taste in clothes. Everybody’s situation is different, she’s is fortunate to have ‘everything’ working in place for her, I mean you don’t pay rent Cus ur father in law already provided u guys with a good house, u have a good car, a driver, a nanny, cook, gardener, a job which obviously was gotten easily and I guess a bit flexible for you(@least from ur Ig post), etc which many other young couples do not have and yet they work and take care of their families too,(and of course some still have time for social media lol) that I call balancing act, not when you have ‘everything’ or at least almost everything to make life pretty comfortable for you. Not hating on you, Cus I’m a lawyer, mom and wife too with a pretty good life, thankfully my hubs and I have good jobs, (and I don’t have a nanny, in Lagos. Lol) and we don’t/ didn’t depend on mummy or daddy for what we have achieved today including our house…she should wait till she has 3 or 4 kids without a nanny or cook or driver and then come back to talk about the balancing act. Btw I have read some comments about ur hubby and his love for ‘anything on skirt’. If it’s true then pay more attention to ur home affairs ma’am.

    • Truth March 8, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      Wow! I totally agree with your comment. Thank you!??

    • Busola March 8, 2016 at 11:17 pm

      What is this new trend of calling out people’s husbands on this blog? Why we do we shame women so much? FYI, anybody can be cheated on and loyalty and women’s responsibilities are not mutually exclusive.

      • Busola March 8, 2016 at 11:18 pm

        *Why do we*

      • Ngozi March 9, 2016 at 6:13 am

        @Busola -If you put yourself out there as having the perfect family why can’t people call you out when it’s not the case? What @Wakama has stated is not a rumor but true fact. If you see how he behaves in Abj you would also advise her to focus her attention on her husband and stop seeking it from others like her sister in laws unless she wants her next post to be from a single mums perspective. This post is not meant to bash her but hopefully it help her see that this kind of attention seeking will only subject herself and her family to public scrutiny.

      • Igwe March 9, 2016 at 12:01 pm

        Ngozi I agree with you.
        I don’t know her or Amaka, and I don’t dislike them but WAY TOO many people absolutely hate them and their family as a whole; particularly Amaka. If I were them, I’ll want a more private life. You can’t put yourself out there and not expect some sort of scrutiny, especially if what people are saying are right. I don’t understand the sudden craze with over-exposure. It hurts in the long-run. Shirley Eniang, Nicole Chikwe, Stella Jadore Fashion, Berry Dakara, Food Ace, and many I can’t remember right now are all bloggers, some lifestyle, some food bloggers, some fashion bloggers and although they share some personal things with their readers; they don’t over expose themselves. You can be a Mommy blogger or any kind without revealing too much information about your family. People are talking about your husband’s scandalous ways, Oby, people know you’re a full-time Mom Amaka, people know you’ve not gotten your work-permit. You guys are trying, I really can’t be a blogger, I don’t mind being the reader, but I can’t be the blogger. And even if I was one, I’ll do it without being too open. I can’t even be that open to some extended family members, not to talk of strangers. For you own good, keep your private life, PRIVATE.

    • Lovely March 9, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      U have spoken very true words. I have never commented on any post. But no hate or anything, I feel Oby is trying just too hard to fit in. Competing for social media popularity, competing to be a popular ohakim. There’s so much effort in her trying to belong. It’s too much. From her posts to her pictures. She’s really struggling. Like a previous comment I read, u can’t be talking of balance when most of the things are being done for u- from driver to cook to gardener. The situation is very different especially in cases where u have to joggle maybe school, being a wife, going to work as is usually the case when you live abroad. Dear Oby, it’s agreed that we learn from each other but rememeber that many mothers are the real MVPs and make no noise about it. Quit struggling so hard to fit in. Uv only been a mother for 16 months , stop behaving like uv been one for all eternity unless ur older than ur real age. Also quit the struggle with Maky benson, ur trying to carve a niche and fit into a circle which ur struggling so hard to fit in. Our mothers in time past managed us properly, gave us oha, okro, eba and Amala and flew with us a thousand miles and made no noise about it. Don’t appear to give us the super mother thing please. Just acknowledge that we mothers are strong and can handle almost anything that comes our way. Stop the balancing act and super mother thing. Also stop the pretence and forced attitude. Just be the you – the Obiageri God called you to be. I mean this wth the best of intentions.

  • Truth March 8, 2016 at 9:24 pm

    @wakama, Spot on girl!????????

  • ademide March 9, 2016 at 9:12 am

    Smh. Everybody is an expert now about how to be a perfect mom. Continue……..Nigerians and copy copy. eku ise o.

  • Osato March 9, 2016 at 9:36 am

    Truer words have never been spoken. Lol

    This little girl needs to re evaluate what’s important to her cos it seems like popularity is more important to her. Focus on your home. Quit trying to force this your working mum matter down everyones throat. Haba!!!

    Every other day she is harping on about working mum. Na only you born pikin and has career?

  • Angie March 9, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Am a mother of 2 boys hmmm, also a working mum in Lagos but i also try to balance the two, Its not easy though but we give God all the glory for the strength. My husband is extremely supportive both at home and my career. LOVELY PIECE OBY ! KEEP IT UP.

  • ada March 9, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    I know hey! women pulling other women! taar!

  • trolls March 9, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    WELL SAID! There are far too many people out there who never were taught “If you can’t say something good, then keep your mouth shut!” If people don’t like your content, then by all means go find content they like and let the rest of us enjoy what we enjoy.

  • J.H March 10, 2016 at 8:54 am

    GOD cannot please everyone and only a fool would try to do what even God cannot do.
    She’s not trying to please “Nigerians”.
    All your hatred an bitterness should be channelled into something else.
    If you haven’t learnt anything from the article, some people have…
    Find something to do. Read your bible, pray, get a job, get a husband, raise your kids… Anything rather than channel your frustration on a fulfilled lawyer with a family.
    FYI, hating on her won’t change HER. It won’t get her sacked and it won’t make you have her life.

  • JhH March 11, 2016 at 1:25 am

    If you have been reading your bible like you just suggested you would have learnt a thing or two about using Gods name in vain.

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