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TRM_LogoMerry Sparkles!

A friend just called to wish me a Merry Christmas. Somehow in the 32 seconds conversation, he managed to list all his wonderful and very fantabulous Christmas presents – but why won’t he? He lives in Boston with a wife and two kids plus his Osogbo-based parents are also visiting. If I lived there too I’d probably be enthusiastic about some truly crappy presents.

But no, I’m in Lagos. Fola Jinadu Crescent to be precise. It is Christmas but my street knows no different. It’s still the same visible NEPA cables, the abandoned Santana, gala wrappers and slipper-dragging pedestrians.
The Gbagada Estate Residential Association took it upon themselves to organise a Christmas concert a few days ago. They went from house to house with a big police band smiling as if we had ever done anything together other than contribute our estate levy fee. I was disturbed their over-enthusiasm – perhaps it was their confusing of Carol singing with trick or treat or perhaps, it was the rendition of the 12 days of Christmas which sounded more like a Don Jazzy production.

Yes, you can tell I’m bitter. This is I-did-not-receive-any-Christmas presents-this-morning-talk. All I seem to have received so far, are these awful generic text (and worse, BB messages), why are people bothering?
So in the spirit of random festive messages and since no one really seems to appreciate me (if you do, it’s not too late to send a tolotolo or hamper to my house), I’d like to appreciate all the things that has made 2009 indeed one to celebrate today.

Merry Christmas to the Channels TV presenter who just said “…there is Christmas in the ‘heir’”
Merry Christmas to months of paranoia after the summer of the ‘flu’
Merry Christmas to the 2 Ks who left us (our thoughts are with you)
Merry Christmas to Lady Gaga and her ‘...Hubba Hubba’ video phone lyrics
Merry Christmas to the first edition of the Renaissance Man column in the Guardian on the 15th day of February
Merry Christmas to Bruno and his 89 minutes of shock cinema
Merry Christmas to the XR500 & the boom system at Machu Picchu
Merry Christmas to the empty bottles of Veuve Clicquot from the gazillion weddings yours truly attended this year
Merry Christmas to my cotonou chef who tried to rub me blind and his ‘brother’ who did the same to my uncle
Merry Christmas to gbo gbo awon bigz girl – who have painted Lagos red with their shoe soles – the ones who bought it and the ones who paid in other ways
Merry Christmas to all the families who will be eating fried rice, chicken and coleslaw and who will be washing it down with Chivita ‘juwis’ or ‘nestool’ water
Merry Christmas to the tolotolo in my neighbour’s compound
Merry Christmas to the million proposals we wrote this year and to the respective people who read them and simply binned them
Merry Christmas to friends who had babies this year, adding to my extended family (you know who you are!!)
Merry Christmas to MJ who is saying Cha’mone to everybody
Merry Christmas to my accidental DJ-ing career and the many who I have connected with through this beautiful thing called muzik
Merry Christmas to my face for a year of decent skin
Merry Christmas to my first ‘white’ blackberry and the greedy sod who stole it on the 12th day of December, 2009
Merry Christmas to Funke Akindele and my favourite line from a film this year, “I can prepeare custard, I can prepare tea…mo le gbe omi eba ka no but mi oti le te….”
Merry Christmas to the Champs Elysees and those energy efficient festive lights, you should come see our tuke tuke generator lit Kingsway Road

And lastly, Merry Christmas to PHCN – who have managed to give us light since 8 am, make you na no go craze after I don praise you.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Week after week, Music is what brings us together so, this week’s Friday Track is Major Lazer featuring Santagold. This is the fantastic Hold the Line.

Ho Ho Ho!!!!!!!!!


  1. naughty&nice

    December 25, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    Your Cotonou chef/cook tried to ‘rub’ you blind?….interesting!

  2. Dee-

    December 25, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Lmao! What a Grinch!

  3. khemmy

    December 25, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    u r just too hilarious! keep it up! u make browsing on bellanaija a delight!

  4. Real

    December 25, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Well said. Happy Holidays!!!

  5. anosio

    December 25, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    ……always look forward to ‘ur piece man!!
    aweva cranky u feel this holidays,merry xmas!!!(sori,no hampers jst yet)

  6. Dith-H-P

    December 25, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    Merry Christmas to you too! U should be glad you’re in naija tho. Christmas in d states is just like every other day for many. lol

  7. bebe

    December 26, 2009 at 12:19 am

    Yay!!! i’m first
    Lol @ ‘juwis and nestool’ don’t forget ‘minerals or anything soft’.

    I totally feel you on them recycled text messages….plus my face also behaved the latter part of this year. Just dimples all the way 🙂

    Merry Xmas Bobo

  8. Bola #1

    December 26, 2009 at 12:25 am

    this is actually funny, Merry Christmas BN!

  9. merry christmas

    December 26, 2009 at 12:50 am

    Merry CHRISTmas! Jesus is the reason for the reason!

  10. Brown

    December 26, 2009 at 12:56 am

    Merry Xmas…huge fan ..

  11. mary

    December 26, 2009 at 1:30 am

    merry xmas you all and a good write up as usual

  12. kennedy

    December 26, 2009 at 3:04 am

    Very outstanding writing skills and a good article too. Keep it up Omotayo.

  13. Rolake

    December 26, 2009 at 4:56 am

    lol.. dis post got me almost screaming with lafta at 5am. but mehn!! dis song u put here is jammin..Jhessooosss!!! too maddd!! ahan!! dis my dancing no get part 2.

  14. Uche

    December 26, 2009 at 8:55 am

    “tuke tuke generator lit kingsway road”!!!
    Hillarious!! On point!
    Merry Christmas Yo!!

  15. Mandy

    December 26, 2009 at 11:26 am

    I like your sense of humor…merry x-mas to you too 🙂

  16. Anon

    December 26, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Ha ha..tried to ‘rub you blind’, that’s hilarious!!!

  17. Muna

    December 26, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    boy! that ‘millions of proposals’ line….!!!
    good job bobo and merry xmas, shaa!!!

  18. Muna

    December 26, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    millions of proposals!! chai…my fingers don bend for proposals!!

  19. Nneka

    December 27, 2009 at 2:53 am

    I just watched Bruno recently. It is a very silly movie!!! Whoever thought that was worth production time?

  20. Licious

    December 27, 2009 at 7:45 am

    This is my favorite column on this website!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

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