Most sex and the city fans will remember Miranda’s famous words “men are like cabs, they ride along all day, carrying passengers but they only really become available for marriage when their yellow light comes on”. In a not so recent article in the Guardian, a columnist also claimed that a man can date a woman who is 100perecnt of what he wants for years but will end up marrying someone who is 60percent, 6months later simply because he wasn’t ready 6months ago. This explains why there are so many women walking around with broken hearts wondering why after dating a guy for 6 or 7years he ends up marrying someone else 10months after they’d broken up. The answer seems to be a simple one, he wasn’t ready! Yes, it really does seem to be that simple.
If I am honest, I had my doubts about this somewhat simplistic way of choosing a life partner. After all most women believe they are ‘ready’ for marriage in their early twenties. So how does a man know he is ‘ready for marriage’? What makes the light bulb on the top of his head switch from a dark grey to bright yellow?
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have an inquisitive mind. I discussed these questions with my female friends but we soon realised that the only way to find out any real answers was to go to the enemy’s camp. Yes, we had to speak to the men! So I came up with a plan. I wrote down a list of 25 married and engaged men I knew and a list of questions aimed at deciphering why they had decided to get married. So off I went armed with my pen and paper and my mind poised with the determination of a woman going to war!
I made notes, spoke to friends and asked questions. I was excited, finally I would help women to discover what hinders that ever so illusive proposal.
Here are the top five reasons. Please ladies, as I always say, do not shoot the messenger! These answers are straight from the horse’s mouth! If you disapprove of any of the reasons, please take it up with the nearest available man you meet, not me! Thanks 🙂
Oddly enough this was the most popular answer. According to approximately 80percent of men surveyed, pressure was the primary reason for their nuptial decision. Pressure comes in different ways but mostly from family, girlfriend and peers. Pressure could also come where the girlfriend is pregnant or when the man’s career is dependent on him having a family.
Sense of belonging
This is closely tied to peer pressure already mentioned above. For example, although most men try their hardest to hide it, they really do want to belong. They feel a sense of unfulfilment when their peers get married and have children and they remain bachelors. Thus being a married man also carries with it a ‘big boy’ status. It indicates that you are financially capable to take care of a family and that comes with a sense of pride every man cherishes.
Never mess with a man’s need to procreate. In fact I have met many single men who say they would be content to have children outside wedlock and close shop permanently. Why bother with the nagging ways of a woman when all you really need is her womb? One blatantly asked me on one occasion. I am sure we are also aware of many men who want to get their girlfriends pregnant before they take them up the aisle.
Believe it or not, fewer men, than we women would like to believe, marry for love. In fact when I asked the men I surveyed to rank their responses by order of importance, love ranked between 2nd and 3rd on a scale of 1-5 (5 being of higher imortance). Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that husbands don’t love their wives, it just means that love might not have been his primary reason for marring them.
This too was ranked the least important. But I’ll confess, I was glad to know that even men had somewhat of a sentimental side to them. As expected, however, it was only my close friends in the survey who readily admitted that they too get lonely and loved having someone to come home too. Some even went as far as saying that the thought of being old and alone scared them. Who knew, men and women may well be from the same planet!
After the survey was completed, I tried to find a way to summarise these key points into one poignant tip. I looked through my notes expecting to have a eureka moment equivalent to that of Thomas Edison when he discovered the light bulb, alas it was not to be. There really doesn’t seem to be anything that makes a man ‘ready’ for marriage. Rather it shows that men are by nature ‘not ready’ animals. They know exactly the level of commitment that marriage entails and most would, if left to their own devices do without it.
This is the polar opposite to women who seem to be genetically predisposed to a ‘longing’ for marriage, stemming possibly from the need for validation, companionship and intimacy. Women operate with love. Men on the other hand seem more procedural. Choosing a wife almost becomes like the task of picking a personal assistant rather than a life partner! Or maybe I am being a bit too harsh? Maybe that’s just how men are and we should accept them for the logical, procedural mammals they are. But what happens when you are ready for marriage and your beloved is not? Well, if the above reasons are anything to go by, you have one of two choices;
1. Wait prayerfully while subtly applying pressure and hinting at his need for companionship and procreation. or…………………..
2. Get out of that relationship and yell TAXI at the next stop!
The choice is yours 🙂