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FRIDAY TRACK: The Orisirisi in Dating



Kilon Sparkles!

Why is it that we all love eating out yet we don’t derive the same level of joy when it comes to paying the bill at the end of the meal? All of a sudden, people want to use the bathrooms; they want to make phone calls or forget their wallets in their cars.

There aren’t many wholesome things to call a greedy person – so let’s just put it out there – grrobido, long throat, FFF friend for food, oni je wuru, or indeed wobia! These are some of the titles I’d like to bestow upon some of the ladies that have been taking the piss with nice guys who just enjoy being friendly.

Repeatedly, I have been hearing horrid stories of ladies taking the piss whilst on a date – I’m talking really stretching their limits – I’m talking ordering lobster in a 2-star restaurant, I’m talking only ordering strictly from the bottom of the menu list, I’m talking ordering a bottle of Petrus when you don’t know the difference between Merlot and Pinot Noir grapes, I’m talking (to add insult to injury) inviting a friend along.

I find all this quite amusing cause put on any of Destiny’s Child’s 90s classics and you’ll have every woman in the room run to the dancefloor, ready to claim their independent woman status, happily “…throwing your hands up at me” with all the honeys who makin’ money and the supposed mommas who profit dollars.

But at the same token they don’t want to pay their ‘bills bills bills’ either it be telephone or their automobile, it is generally more desirable to have some clown pick up the tab despite what Oluwabeyonce once taught them.

Dating a.k.a. won go out or won jade or befrnd ara won, is not only crap for a fresh divorcee but crap for anyone with an open mind to meet someone interesting.

Before Lagos had a restaurant in every corner and the only options were Tribes and Atlantic Bar – a date to the original Mega Plaza (before the burn down) to eat shawarma was a top date.

Today, it’s no longer just okay for a guy to take a lady on a date – first, he must pick the restaurant carefully depending on whether the date is classified as ‘runs’ or not, he must pick her up irrespective of whether he lives in Lekki and she likes in Ajao Estate. He must watch her take a menu from a waiter without saying thank you, he must sit in silence as she orders expensive, uncoordinated dishes, then, listen to her chat about the joys of being a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding as if that was not enough, she will then bat her lashes and ask with audacity “…can my friend join us...?”

So whilst the guy is coming to terms with the fact that he’s just been cornered and there will be no kisses down there tonight, the supposed ‘date’ turns into an open mouth, spitting discussion about Lanre Da Silva’s sewing machine and the ill-mannered Yinka Bodyline staff.

As the ‘date’ goes on, neither the ‘date’ or ‘friend’ notice that the man who will be picking up the tab at the end of the night hasn’t said a word in an hour and his sporadic chuckles are a result of his BBM alerts not their precious chin wag about Femfresh.

But really ladies – is this fair?

Why would you do everything in your power to make him x you the moment he drops you back in Ajao Estate.

I mean, lets step out of the dinner scene and focus on some behavioural patterns for a moment. Why do some ladies play the high maintenance card yet don’t want to be seen as a gold-digger? Why would you ask a man what’s his seat number on a plane that you’re not even on? Why would you suggest going shopping with a man to see what types of shop he goes to? Why would you struggle to get a table at Nobu even though you don’t know the cuisine served just because he’s paying?

And then you complain your ololufe, the sugar-in-your-camomile doesn’t understand you.

Why? Why? Why?

And ladies you may also need to ask yourselves – why after the initial 3 months of showering before he comes over and frequenting the girl’s room for touch-ups comes the rearrangement of his flat, the adoption of his t-shirts as your preferred nightie, the freakish desire to share his toothbrush, the wearing of your weave skull caps (a.k.a. scarf) in bed.

And if he resists any of the above, he is suddenly accused of having ‘intimacy issues’.

I have plenty of friends with good hearts and an appetite for pleasing women who persistently get the piss taken out of them? Let’s get one thing clear – it’s a privilege that a man chooses to pick up the bill, not a right! The same way I believe it’s a privilege a woman cooks for her man, not a right!

The idea that just because he took you out to dinner does not mean you should leave your GTBank card at home. He probably wasn’t expecting you to pay but there’s comfort in knowing that she offered to pay for her plate of concoction and please I beg you ladies don’t ever ask a guy if you can invite a friend along.

Show some respect.

This week’s Friday Track is from the Teflon Don, this is Rick Ross featuring Drake & Chrisette Michelle and this is the banging laid-back “Aston Martin Music”


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