BN Prose: My Last Fix by Lullaby

How do I get over this excruciating pain? I’m dying inside. I’m waking up at night with palpitations, drenched in my own sweat. I know I have to be strong enough to leave him. I have to believe in what I need for myself, what is best for me, what my ideal is of what a real man should be.

I know I love him deeply, painfully so. This is a dangerous love and I feel a constant adrenalin rush when we’re together. Yes, I am not too ashamed to admit that I am addicted to this crazy, maddening rush. The high is totally exhilarating, but the withdrawal feels like death. Yes, death is exactly how I am feeling right now. He is my narcotic and it has been two weeks since I’ve used. It’s funny, don’t they say that the first step to recovery for any addict is honesty? Maybe there is hope for me yet. I will hold unto this hope.

These past few weeks have gone by in a haze and I feel like I’ve just existed. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of him. My mind is my worst enemy because it brings him back to me when all I am trying to do is let go. I have torn up all the pictures we ever took together, deleted all his emails and all his text messages in a desperate bid to exorcise him from my being.  Some days the withdrawal feels less painful than others and there are moments when I am able to forget him if only for a minute.

Today is Sunday and he always called it Funday. I laugh at the thought. He says it’s because it’s the only day of the week he can spend all day with me. Corny, but it always made me laugh. My phone begins to ring, but I dont have to look at it to know who is calling. I have a personalised ring tone for him, so I know instantly that it’s him. I’ve been able to ignore his calls for two weeks now and I’ve held it together. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest and I feel my hands shaking. I feel my resolve weakening and I know I do not have the courage to ignore his calls any longer, nor to end it, not just yet, not today, maybe tomorrow. I convince myself that this will be the last time. I’ll allow myself the rush, the excitement, the thrill of one more night, just one last time. Did I not say these same words to myself two weeks ago? That was two weeks ago, I say to myself, this time will be different.

He comes over to my place as usual. I look at him and my heart skips a beat. How does he do that? How is he able to still have this effect on me? How can one man make my heart tremble with just one look? I smile at him and he looks into my eyes and says, ‘Baby I’ve missed you and I feel like you’re slipping away from me; am I losing you?’ I do not respond and he carries me over to my bed and kneels at it’s edge, ‘You are so beautiful baby and I love you, promise me you’ll never leave me’

I look at his beautiful face and think about all the times he made me feel small, less of a woman, less than nothing, like he was doing me a favour by being with me. He never raised his hands to hit me, no he was too much of a gentleman for that. With his words and manipulation, he could tear me down to nothing, destroying my very soul, yet at the same time, he could somehow overwhelm me with an incredible love, I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of confusion. I call it the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Yes, so maybe he loves me in his own peculiar way, but the truth is, he does not know how to love me, nor will he ever know and understand how to love any woman.

As he holds me in his arms tonight, my soul weeps. It weeps not just for myself, but for all women in abusive relationships who don’t even realise it and especially for those who are struggling to quit just like me. Who do I blame for this situation? Do I blame him for making me fall in love with him first, before revealing the ugly side of his love or do I blame myself for always going back to him and for continuing to love him in spite of it all.

I am trying to stop loving him you know. I am desperately trying to cure myself from the madness, but every time I try I am overcome by an unbearable pain. I am unable to eat, sleep or even go to work. I am simply unable to function. They say these withdrawal symptoms will eventually pass and if I can just hang in there a little longer I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, my pain threshold is very low and the light is dim.

I say a silent prayer that I never keep that promise to never leave him.  I know I love this man, will probably always love him, but I have to pluck the courage somehow to love myself more. I close my eyes as I fall asleep in his arms and as I dose off, I tell myself that this is my last night with him, the night I quit, the night I have my last fix.  I make this solemn promise one last time to myself and for all women around the world who are trying to quit an abusive relationship just like me.

90 Comments on BN Prose: My Last Fix by Lullaby
  • mee May 17, 2011 at 9:13 am

    I also went through the same exact experience.While i was reading this tear filled my eyes because it happened to me and i couldnt have shared it in a better way.But time heals all and am slowly getting there

    • koin May 17, 2011 at 11:48 am

      This is one of the reasons why we are advised against premarital sex. Truth is, it would have been easier to walk away from him otherwise. Oxytocin (Sex hormone) would not have developed in you, thereby giving you the ability to think clearer and also act wisely.

      No, I’m not taking this from the christan perspective, rather it’s from the secular psychologists notes.

      Ster clear from premarital sex. It does more harm than good

      • Ngozi May 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm

        Soo true about the sex thing………sex REALLY ties u to a relationship.

      • annie May 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm

        I’m kinda having the same predicament at the moment. I really feel I should walk away (as it doesn’t look like there’s gonna be a romantic relationship here) but Lord knows I don’t wanna. We have not had sex. I seriously doubt that we ever will. However the feelings I have have never been stronger for any other living soul on this planet. Explain that 1…

      • annie May 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm

        Btw, I guess it’s not exactly the same if he’s not abusive…I meant that I have feelings for the dude but it’s apparently a non-starter. Hence common sense’s tellin me to cut all ties & move on…

      • hateunrealisticpeople May 17, 2011 at 5:19 pm

        Here we go agaiiiiiiiiiin….’roll my eyes’…..u can feel like this even without premarital sex…

      • Oxytocin sha? May 17, 2011 at 7:22 pm

        oxytocin is the sex hormone? lol….thats not it honey! its more than that ! not to say i disagree with the whole premartal sex thing though but the feeling of attachment doesnt exactly have to do with sex. Several times, people get attached to one of their mates despite having had sex with others who they found it easy breaking up with. I would elaborate but………….

    • koin May 17, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      *steer clear of

      Sorry for all the other typos

  • pizzazz May 17, 2011 at 9:16 am

    beautiful. I can totally relate to this
    loving urself more is the only way out

  • first May 17, 2011 at 9:16 am

    yayyyyy!!!!im d first 😀

    • THE AMAKA May 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm


      • faith_brown May 18, 2011 at 5:18 pm

        LOL.. What is your own o.. LOL

  • Baby Uno May 17, 2011 at 9:20 am

    First! Yipee….. 🙂
    On a Serious note thou, very well written Bella. I hope women in abusive rlshps develop enough sense of worth to be thoroughly disgusted by any man who tries to tear them down!

  • voicy May 17, 2011 at 9:23 am

    hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thats all i can utter!!!

  • Collete May 17, 2011 at 9:30 am

    I like this.

  • dewowo May 17, 2011 at 9:31 am

    allowing an ANUNPAM/ANUOFIA abuse u in the name of love is madness unlimited not love. shine ya eyes!

    • Ogemoe May 18, 2011 at 12:20 am

      Igbo girl…hahah i love it! Anyways its easier said than done.. I go shopping, walking, eating ….almost anything that ends with an ‘ing” to help me through pain. Try it !

    • Mary007 May 18, 2011 at 3:19 am

      Shine your eyes to what? to marriage? even in Marriage its harder, I think its the grace of any higher being we choose to believe in to learn to realise who we are as independent beings and to love ourselves. Relationships are hard work including marriage e

  • Babyzico May 17, 2011 at 9:32 am

    good stuff. May God help all women in abusive situations. Sometimes emotional abuse is so much more worse than physical abuse even though all abuse is bad.

  • BonMee May 17, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwww………….am so moved……………….True tell anyway i understand completely because i have been there (i think i’m still there but i havent decided to quit just yet) I pray there is hope for women like us………..cry one minute from hurt and the next minute when he calls we are happy without solving the actual problem…..I think we should seek help ( i too).

    • Talk Talk May 17, 2011 at 12:31 pm

      it’s wierd. I can’t help but think the relationship itself shouldn’t be such hard work. Life is tough enough, your relationship should be a place to get rejuvenated and strengthened. Imagine having issues at work/school with friends and then on top of all that you have to deal with a contentious partner – there’s got to be someone out there that is less difficult to be with, or perhaps you both need to have a serious conversation and deal with all the issues once and for all. Check this out –

      • avisa May 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm

        True talk, Talk Talk. When I was in a relationship like this, I told myself that it really should not be that much work. It does exist, the relationship where there’s just a flow. Where both people are in tune, and he doesn’t keep you waiting for a call, then satisfy your wait with one measly email. Oh man, I hope everyone gets to be with the right person for them. And the people with issues, I hope they get to see a shrink. Not all people who treat girls badly need to see a shrink. Sometimes if the love is just not there, or not enough, then avoidance seems like the best way to go. Both girls and guys are guilty of that, even though it hurts the other party. I’m in my late 20s, finally met someone I share a flow with. But I know that about a year ago, I started to just be fed up, and to ‘settle’. I told God that if this man didn’t come, and I was lonely, it was very unfair because I’m a good girl but generally, the longer we wait, the more ‘things’ we see. And man, I tell you, nkan nbe (there are all sorts out there). Guys telling you it’s ok to do things that you KNOW are not ok. Open relationships, for example. Shokpono open your face, I should have told the idiot that proposed it. Which is why I hope everyone gets a nice guy/girl match soon, when they’re ready.

    • Kgirl July 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm

      True talk

  • W May 17, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Hmmm, Lovely write up…i found myself in that situation some weeks back, couldn’t eat, sleep, i wake up with his tot, get late to work, but thank God i have moved on, i think less of him these days, tho he still cross my mind but i try as much as possible to get it off immediately and i occupy my mind with some other things. Its hard to quit a relationship when u are so much in love…..its really hard, it takes courage, determination and a host lot of efforts. The only thing that keeps me going is that i have to love myself more.

  • viv May 17, 2011 at 9:48 am


  • MsLuffa May 17, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Even though i sympathise for people in abusive relationships, i don’t think it’s a situation that can’t be salvaged.
    Call it controversial, but i beleive, as long as you are not married, you are allowed to be very selfish about making decisions that affect your future and your well being.
    Secondly, it’s nonsensical to say a man loves you in his own way. I’ve learnt that a man needs to love his wife the way she wants to be loved and vice versa. So if for the woman love is you rubbing her feet and making dinner at least once a week then grind your teeth and do it, and if for the guy love is the woman organising suya and a can of large and keeping her gob shut while he watches football – then do it all in love.

    There’s no love in the relationship described above, just a couple of ill-matched people who are desperate for companionship and have low self esteem and are afraid to be on their own.

  • Dominique May 17, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Very touching, i know some females might actually have thoughts like “na u never ready to leave am” (u r not yet ready to leave him) but this is hard sometimes, i can easily relate with this writer because i have been, done that…and rose above it. So to all still struggling to leave any-kind-of-abusive relationship whatsoever, i say Be strong and believe in yourself, for it is possible.
    *Here’s ma “Yaaay” for being the first commenttee*
    {now clicking on “post your comment” to find out if i’m truly the first}

    • THE AMAKA May 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm

      awww, sorry, better luck next time!

    • Rencia May 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      I agree with u, but true love is stronger than pains, when u love unconditionally u seem to loose grip with reality but atimes love wins all obstacles, being firm and polite might change the beast in your partner

  • chi-chi May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Its really hard cos i have been in such a situation, i fell so hard for the nice guy facade he showed the first few months n all of a sudden i started seen the other side of him that wasnt so gentlemanly, it was tough but at the end of the day i love myself more than i love anyone else so i was able to let go and move with the help of God…….but trust me it wasnt easy, you have to first find urself n love u enough to want to let go………may God help u thru it

  • Tyna May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am

    i just cant control the tears! do u know me? how come u wrote about me?

  • Ima May 17, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I can relate wit dis, xperienced it,infact kinda xperiencing it rite now..left d guy..he wasnt abusive physically or psychologically…just isnt meant 2 b…miss him somtimes..wish i can have him around…somtimes….lovely story…very realistic, like d honesty..

  • busarni May 17, 2011 at 10:03 am

    i share ur pain;obsession.We all have our own,individually. very soon ppl will start droppin all sorts of comment of what n what u shld do to erase him out of ur mind. Talk is cheap,as if they have handled their own issues effectively.My dear bad as it is,u nid counselling but u have to hang on as it ain’t gonna be easy,i biliv it’s a phase and u will get ova it.Most importantly u have to ask for God’s help thru PRAYERS. i wish u well .there is always lite @ d end of the tunnel.just saying,,,,,

  • Someone May 17, 2011 at 10:04 am


  • Bear. May 17, 2011 at 10:08 am

    My dear, I know exactly that pain you are feeing right now. To sum it all up, there is a “STRONG HOLD” only you can pull down. I have had my own bitter sweet share in some fairy tale relationship, the perfect man etc.,
    Once, I said no & promised myself not to look back but to continue walking, I thought, I would die but instead there was this force & drive that drenched me inside out & kept me going.
    Find that strength in you. You can do it & ‘d I pray with you to let go of those STRONG HOLDS inside of you.
    You are fighter & you will over come this.
    You know what I found my price charming after all I went through & I happy today.

  • keke May 17, 2011 at 10:10 am

    hmnnn……….this is beautiful and heart wrenching as well….

  • Rosie May 17, 2011 at 10:13 am


  • Lenny May 17, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Abeg na me be first b4 de Amaka abi na who go give me isho? pple go tru dis kind of trauma everyday.u better let go of dis love 4 d guy b4 it kills u.if u die he will move to someone else..nice story anyway.

  • pynk May 17, 2011 at 10:25 am

    it is well. All you need to do is look deep down inside. You have said he can never love u the way u should be loved. U deserve better and a good man will never make u doubt ur place in his life.

  • WaleAdeniji May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Nice one! Abuse is wrong in any relationship. It is undesireable. However, communication is vital. A woman must be able to express what she feels to her man. She must be able to stand up for herself and say she can’t take it any longer. It is either he stops or the relationship is dead for good.

  • C May 17, 2011 at 10:44 am

    huh! Rosie! How?!

  • uju May 17, 2011 at 11:19 am

    can’t say i understand .. but i can totally relate to this .. there are somethings you never fully understand if you have not experienced it .. and sadly this is one of them .. This is deep! .. hope u find the strength to move on .. this too shall pass.

  • zizim May 17, 2011 at 11:26 am

    i think there must be some kind of prize that Bella isn’t telling us about for being first to comment cos i don’t get the constant chirping of “first” each time..SMH
    Anyways, lovely piece …i have never been in an abusive relationship, thank God but the only time any woman should find it so hard to leave a man when he is physically or emotionally abusing her is if she is married to him and has kids…then it’s harder but if you guys are still dating there is absolutely no excuse for allowing another human being treat you like a punching bag…cos it’ll only get worse when he puts you in the house.
    i remember when i was single and i just got dumped or cheated on, i would still reminisce about my ex, even though he treated me like crap… all because i was so desperate for love n attention not realising that my prince was around the corner, i took so much crap.
    the same thing for so many single women out there, there is a man who will love you so much out there, stop taking bulls*t from demons in human form..the man is supposed to love his wife like Christ loves the church and any man who can’t do that isn’t worth your time…
    i wish i could give a seminar on this..women need to start developing self worth within themselves.
    Every phase in life happens for a reason, you are single for a reason and it’s just a phase..enjoy it..
    You get married for a reason and it’s a phase of life, enjoy it..your kids grow up and then it’s just you and hubby..enjoy it also…cos it’s a phase of life…
    I don’t understand this obsession with thinking that a man is the beginning and end of life….
    God abeg!

  • Ima May 17, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    to zizim….tot u said u’d neva bin in an abusive relatnship in ur 2nd paragraph..
    “i remember when i was single and i just got dumped or cheated on, i would still reminisce about my ex, even though he treated me like crap…”
    newsflash honey, he doesnt nid 2 hit ya b4 it is labelled..”abusive”..tank God ur happily married now doe

  • kaka May 17, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    confused,reading through wat i ve bn goin tru 4 ova 2mnths nw.wil i say abusive relationship,or being abused emotionali.wel,d funny ting abt dis is dt,i feel i did nt giv ma best in d relationship.n so i find maself goin pple say i shld let go,becos i ve dne ma best.i hd 2 cry/beg.i waz given an ansa,2 b his frnd n nt a future wife.snc i seem 2 lack undastndin,according 2 him.wel,i wuld say,its nt bn easy 4 me also.

    • DIVA May 17, 2011 at 2:22 pm

      sweetheart even from the way you are talking its evident you are a wonderful person but in the last two months he obviously has lowered your self esteem….you lack understanding…u can only be a lover but not a wife….oh dear…who did this to you!!!!…how can you let him talk to you like that????….dont worry your prince will find you and love all the pain and hurt away but you need to leave this one first…and pls DONT beg!!!!!

    • Ready May 17, 2011 at 11:32 pm

      After your begging and tears, he wants you to be just his friend and his lover, but he doesn’t think you’ll ever be his wife?
      My dear, you’ve gotten your answer, no need to wait and waste your time. Wear your two ‘slipas’ and comot for his life. Listen, if after your tears and pleas, the man’s response to you was that he will never marry you, you can’t change his mind. If he thinks you don’t understand him, I doubt you’ll ever change that impression. Going back to him & trying to ‘give your best’ will probably not do anything. Take the lessons you’ve learned from the relationship with this guy, and apply it to the next one. Biko, nne…don’t ‘weist’ your time.

  • partyrider May 17, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Deep stuff..

  • chi May 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    i just connect with the writter, i am in a suitation like this and i dont even have d guts to leave, a guy will make you trust, believe and tell him all your fear, and he will turn around and make u feel that he is the best thing that has ever happened in your life and that if he leaves ,u are finished

    • Ready May 17, 2011 at 11:19 pm

      Sweetheart, trust me, there is someone out there better for you. When men say things like “you won’t find someone better than me” or “nobody will ever love you like I do”, please take it with a grain of salt. They don’t know what the future holds for you or who you’ll come across later in life. The best thing that can ever happen to you in life is knowing your worth & your value, and trusting that you’ll attain the happiness you deserve. If you’re in abusive relationship, please develop the guts to leave.

  • Been there May 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    I can totally relate to this. Thank God for the woman that i have finally become

  • Sylvia Igwe May 17, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Dunno what to say to cosole u,sides that this is deep and to an extent draws out a bit of wht am going thru and i must thank u guys for all the comments it seems to be helping.
    And then again dear,u must be self disciplines abt dis,knw wht u want go 4 it,it may take time n several bak n forths but eventually,u’ll get there.All the best.

  • afolabi olabisi May 17, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    u need 2 push urself out.ASK GOD 4 HELP bec u cant do it on ur own

  • Timma May 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Hmmmm! I believe @ one time or another,most ladies(some guys too) have been in an abusive relationship and we are sometimes so blinded by “love” that we think our life will end when the relationship ends, but this is so not true! I do understand this cos I have been there, have done that. One thing though is once a lady’s mind is really made up and I mean “MADE UP”, it is then and only then you get the will power to take the first step out of the relationship and I do agree with the No to pre marital sex, yes it is hard but it can be done, because once the sex comes in,reason flies out and emotions take over, this is a fact that has nothing to do with religion.The fact that you recognise that the relationship is abusive is a step in the right direction, the rest is up to you.

  • signature May 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    chai! this is intense….. i sorry for you oh!

  • Turn Turn Turner May 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Seems about 90% of those who’ve left comments have been through (or are still going through) the same sitation as the writer…not cool.
    To all y’all, I sincerely hope that it will soon be well and truly in your past. And also, hopefully there should be something at least a little bit therapeutic about sharing experiences with others in the same boat. KEEP YOUR HEADS UP SISTAS!!

    On another note….how about I’m developing a girl crush on THE AMAKA???!!!???…

  • cathy May 17, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    lesson to women in abusive relationship and pity relationships better love with both eyes open.

  • nita May 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    absolutely lovely piece and its got me by d balls (though av got none) just ended one and am trying to survive the withdrawal and then i find myself into another, how to i get rid of all these, i love this article, kinda makes me feel bad n stupid though… sobs…

  • Alero May 17, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    did someone tell u about me, Lullaby? huh?!I can perfectly relate with dis write up.# sighing# its not easy,dats all i can say.

  • Jade May 17, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    To the writer i tolally understand myself it is hard, just like any other addictions there is a hell of a lot to pay in walking awya. My advice, keep at it my dear ad try to overcome… Love yourself and see your future and when u do get away, make damn sure u dont allow that to happen again. Dont be a magnet for bad relationships.

  • hmm May 17, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Mine is having to deal with a guy that wants me to settle down before i am ready. Not only that he wants to get me pregnant first. I am very uncomfortable with this. And so he frustrates the relationship as much as he can. I have let it go because he willingly hurts me when he doesnt have his way. never physical but emotional. I have decided to grab my wits back and move on. If he cannot wait for me to be ready, and have my goals in place. I will find someone who will. I am spoilt for choice with marriage proposals. so abuse is not even acceptable in this situation. He emotionally destroys the relationship because he cannot wait one year. What a waste of time. smh.

    • Nutella May 17, 2011 at 8:50 pm

      Please run as fast as you can, because if youlet him have his way this yime around, that will be the order of the day..Keep your head up!

  • cathy May 17, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    yes ooo @jade

  • Unveilinggold May 17, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Nice piece. I just got out of an abusive relationship, you can read about my experience in my blog Most people dont know they are in an abusive relationship because they think they can tell the signs. I was taught about the signs, i work with abused women, i was in one but still couldnt tell until I got out.
    I understand what everyone is saying. I believe to get out of an abusive relationship and stay out, you must have a PLAN. A plan to stay away, discipline yourself. You cant wake up one morning and runnaway, it must be planned in advanced for it to succed. thats what I did, I am suriviving.

  • q May 17, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    hehehe!come and c diff stages of lovingitis!

  • abiola May 17, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    its one of d hardest things I had to do but eventually I had to trust God , I believe he holds our future. We r wonderfully nd uniquely made by God. Wotever God lets u go tru , he will bring u out of it . keep having faith nd never let ur love die away . Luke 18.1

  • Iyegbe May 18, 2011 at 1:47 am

    @ turn turn turner…‎​=))º°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​=))@ gurl crush 4 THE AMAKA,i totally feel ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊.lwkmd

    • Turn Turn Turner May 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm

      Iyegbo, what can I do na? I’ve been fighting the feeling for a while but abeg I had to declare it jare 🙂

  • Myne Whitman May 18, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Very painful, but yeah, a lot of women do go through this on a daily basis.

  • Kay May 18, 2011 at 8:02 am

    @Kaka,don’t walk away from this man;run! You can achieve anything (happiness included) if you know you’re worth it…

  • di May 18, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Well, one needs to know the worth of what they are fighting for. Is it worth it, the relationship you are trying so hard to nuture and keep ? Does a heartbreak (which is only a passing phase) worth your future happiness? No one said the decision is easy most times, but your happiness and contentment should be your upmost concern, don’t sweep all your needs, dreams and self-esteem under the carpet just to work at your partner’s dreams. Life is full of choices and…

  • mawuto May 18, 2011 at 8:27 am

    is it me or The Amaka is everywhere bursting people’s bubbles? LMAO. Think u guys shld not claim the first price until d article has settled for atleast a day

  • mawuto May 18, 2011 at 8:31 am


  • Rebel May 18, 2011 at 8:54 am

    loool The Amaka, you dont play mehn!

  • dewowo May 18, 2011 at 9:06 am

    @ TTT, developing a girl crush on THE AMAKA???!!!??
    not quite!

    • Turn Turn Turner May 18, 2011 at 1:50 pm

      LOL…Nice work with the reference to THE AMAKA’s famous quote.

  • baby May 18, 2011 at 10:01 am

    but serzly! i dont still get how babes stay on in an abusive relationship. one of them was my bed mate in the hospital. After her friends cursed and raised hell, do you know the guy came on the 3rd day, paid her bills and she went home with him again. *smh!!! God help us all.

  • nameless May 18, 2011 at 10:55 am

    I know how hard it is. I am in the same situation. Very intelligent, hard working but when something goes wrong am always to blame in one way or the other. One day, I told him I was leaving, he begged me. I was sick and he left his very important work just to beg me not to leave. I love him very much, he is not my first boy friend but my first love. I always argued love doesn’t exist till I met him. We had an amazing relationship till we ate the forbidden fruit, it was painful cause it was my first . anytime I say No, it is hell. One day I said No and he was trying to force himself on me. I was so mad I vowed never to visit him again. We had a misunderstanding once and he said so what if you were a Virgin… Its been a month, he calls daily, I only call him if I miss his calls I was crushed I decided I will let go . Apart from this, he is an amazing guy.

    • Turn Turn Turner May 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      Oh my word! Amazing guy how? Sweetie, (amongst other things) he forced himself on you!!!

      I’m sending you cyber hugs dear and hoping to goodness that either he changes or you somehow someway move on. This whole love thing sef….SIGH….

  • FADAINI ADEKANMI May 18, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Emotion is the most fragile abstract any human possess.She had to learn how to control her emotions.

  • HRS OLUBUSOLA May 18, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Fantastic write-up. Abusive relationships are everywhere and pple just get scared of getting out of those kinda relationships. I said “pple” on purpose, as some guys are also in those kinda relationships, some girls emotionally abusive men too, though it’s more common for ladies to be abusive, we can’t say it is non-existent to the other party too.

    Whomever u are, save ur dignity, self esteem and pride and get out of that relationship cos u deserve better. He/She is just a frog, ur Prince/Princess is just around the corner. The fear of being single again can also keep one in that kinda relationship but it is better to be single than abused. Aint no crime in being single anyway!

    Get rid of every reminder of ur past relationship, cry out all the pain, move on, hang out with friends that won’t remind u of him/her, let go and pleeeease LET GOD!

  • LamiLami May 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    The truth?, you cant fight it, God can. When you turn to Jesus, just cast all the burdens at His feet.He heals all wounds. and don’t beat yourself up for falling once in while. But keep running.

  • ephee May 18, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    it took me several years to finally give up on my ex-boyfriend of wasnt easy to just let go. i promised i woulnt pick his calls or call him for weeks so i decided to delete his numbers from my phones but each time my phone rings , his number is stuck to my memory and i can tell its him but one night i finally decided to put an end to the emotional madness by burning every gifts, pictures and deleting all his family’s members names or links that will make me want to go back. it was quite hard at first but wen i got a job i began to adjust to being without him by going to the cinema, beach and hanging out with friends at weekends or during my free time. am still healing up and the emotions are lesser than b4 and am back on my feet on the solid ground. Time rely heals wounds

  • Enigma May 18, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    I’m here. This is me. No he doesn’t abuse me physically or emotionally but i know there’s no future, i think!!! I’m beginning to believe that. He loved me properly and then the love waned but i stayed. Some days i think it’s returned but i know better than to hope it has. I say i can relate because when he left i almost died and somehow i keep finding myself at his door. I eat and went to work but i died on the inside. He’s still in my life and i will always love him so I’m building every day the strength to spend the rest of my life without him. It is well my dear.

  • Dee Mist May 18, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    I have gone through this process as well and it has nothing to do with sex, cos i never slept with him.
    But you have to understand that when your inner strength fails, you need to be patient and forgive yourself.
    For i believe that understanding the situation, patience,willingness to let go, forgiving yourself and time are the only solution to this problem.
    You should also understand that every time you see/remember the subject of your predicament, you will hurt but in time you will heal. This is because a part of you will always love/hate the person for all times.

    Most important lesson….love yourself more.

    Lovely article…thumbs up

  • honeybee May 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Ladies, ladies, ladies…..Please for goodness sake, wake up and smell the coffee or the rose or whatever is you want to smell! How can you let a fellow human have such a hold on you?? Ladies, we need to know who we are and what we are worth! If you value yourself and see yourself as a prize that has to be won, no guy will be able to put you in bondage. Guys that abuse women either sexually, mentally or verbally have the lowest of self esteem and use it to manipulate thier women nd put them down to make them feel good about themselves.
    If you are in that sort of relationship, you need to get out as fast as you can and you will see how hopeless that man becomes! I met a guy and on the 1st date, i told how i wanted to become a Lawyer, he took one look at me and told me i could not be a Lawyer, i didn’t have the looks and I was not brainy enough…All these coming from a guy who was struggling to finish his Masters! So tell me people, why was he putting me down when he didn’t even know me? Cos he was struggling to do an 18month Masters program in 3yrs! Suffice to say, I never even imagined seeing him again and years later, im a Lawyer. Woman, you are beautiful, intelligent and valuable. See yourselves as these things and the world will see u the same. One Love!

  • saro boy May 20, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    errr i was in a abusive relationship kai you should see the way d BABE used to beat me senselessly i can only tank God. till this day i have bite marks n scratches on my arms nd legs n chest. ladies no one deserves to beat even MEN if you guy cheat like i did just forgive him no beating us

  • whydogoodgirlslikebadboys? May 21, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Na wa o! So y’all are in one sort of abusive relationship or the other abi? What does that say about your choice of men, hmm? When there are lots of good brothers out there? But anyway sha, like my Warri people go talk “E get where the guy dey hold am!” My fifty kobo.

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