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The Girlfriend as the Wife, the Boyfriend as the Husband…Maka Why?



You can tell that relationship writers lose a lot of friends as they constantly reference their friends’ relationship woes in their articles…what can I say, woman must chop!

Now back on track…

A close friend of mine sent me an urgent BB message (For the benefit of the unacquainted, BB stands for BlackBerry…a majorly addictive communications device), her message was the sort of BB message that urges you to instantly pick up your phone and call because there must be some major gist! I responded and then called her immediately after that.

Kiru sounded so upset, she could barely speak. She began narrating her story;

She had spent the weekend at her man’s house. It was a 5 day weekend, one of those long weekends that only  you Nigerian residents enjoy (We in the USA never enjoy such luxuries). They had gone to the cinema on one day, enjoyed a romantic dinner on the next day and generally had a great time. On the final night, as they chilled on the couch, sharing a tub of ice cream and stolen kisses while watching an action flick; he suddenly moved away from her, sat up and looked into her eyes.

Kiru was startled, “Do you have a surprise for me?” she teased.
Abiola – “Sweets, you haven’t been taking good care of me
Kiru – “Umm…Okay…
Abiola – “We haven’t been having enough sex lately and you don’t even cook for me anymore plus when I asked you to iron my shirt for church on Sunday, you ignored me

As Kiru described, she didn’t say a word at first. She simply looked into his eyes and then slowly moved her gaze to her “empty” ring finger and then back to him – then she shouted “ANUOFIA!” (This is basically a heavy Igbo insult). She grabbed her things and stormed out of his apartment.

As she told me, she spent the next 24 hours – crying, laughing and “thinking about her life”. After 5 years of dating, no ring, yet her man could confidently demand “wifely duties” from her.
Kiru’s experience is not peculiar. I know a lot of girlfriends in Nigeria and all across the diaspora who act as wives; some cook, some clean, some keep it rolling in the bedroom, some do all three while some go as far as adding motherly duties such as giving him money etc…(those girlfriend/wife/mother girls are a tale for another article)

On the male side, my friend Adamu is dark, tall and handsome with 3 degrees from universities in the UK and US. When he moved back home, he decided to focus on his career and did not date seriously for the first few years. When he was ready for a relationship, he started dating a pleasant young lady. I met her; she came across as a beautiful confident well-educated professional woman plus considering that she was close to 30, definitely not a “child”.

About 2 months into their relationship, she had to travel to South Africa for a work training course. During the course of their daily conversations, he casually mentioned that he would give her “something” to get herself a nice gift while she was away. A few days before her trip, she called him and reminded him about the promised cash. He assured her that his cousin in South Africa would meet her at the airport and hand over the money to her.

She kept on pressing him for the specific amount and he finally told her – $500. According to him, there was silence on the line and then she asked “Is that all?” and hung up the phone.

She did not call back or respond to any of his messages for two weeks after that. When they finally spoke, they managed to patch things up but he said he knew that she was someone he would never marry. Therefore, the relationship fizzled out soon after that.

There we go again…this time, girlfriend expecting the boyfriend to act as the husband.

As a single young lady living in metropolitan USA, trying to dodge the frogs and kiss my  Nigerian prince; I ask you this – what do you make of this phenomenon? One of my conservative (or so I thought!) aunties recently told me that “I must show the guy that I am a wife material otherwise other girls will show him and I will lose out”.

Must I dish out all that is supposedly reserved for my future husband to my boyfriend (when I get one); In the same vein, should I expect him to act as a husband as well?

Let us know what you think and also share your girlfriend-wife/boyfriend-husband experiences!


  1. dewowo

    May 4, 2011 at 8:39 am

    1st to love

  2. Jayla

    May 4, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Hahahahahahahaha this is actually funny. Especially the ANUOFIA and ‘is that all parts’.

    To each their own sha, all though I didn’t think the last girl was expecting your guy friend to be a husband just cos she expected more than $500.

    • Babe

      May 4, 2011 at 9:04 am

      Love the anuofia part!!! was actually laughing all through the article!!! Just LOVE!!!

    • ij

      May 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm

      ANUOFIA is good , KITIKPA!!!!!! not only iron

  3. StephanieIj

    May 4, 2011 at 8:49 am

    “Anuofia” yo..hahahahaha that Kiru is deep.

    Okay, no you musn’t dish it all out….you certainly do not have to always cook, wash, iron and all that rubbash (why buy the cow when..bla bla bla..) but your man, should feel like he is a with lady/woman when you’re around him. Not some ungrateful human being (Re: Adamu’s story).

  4. dewowo

    May 4, 2011 at 8:51 am

    marriage has never been and will never be a financial umbrella for any woman. that said,
    *women should learn to take things slow
    *assumption is the lowest form of knowledge so open the communication line btw u and ur guy.

    • Udegbunam Chukwudi

      May 5, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      I feel you man. Communication is TOTALLY the key. Instead of wasting time hoping for a ring, ask the question and trash it one time so both parties know where the relationship is heading.

    • kez

      May 13, 2011 at 2:21 pm

      Like that – Assumption is the lowest point…

  5. Sisi_Yemmie

    May 4, 2011 at 8:52 am

    Hian! I shall be elaborating on this topic on my blog But isn’t this funny?! The man asks for every wifely duty but he refuses to perform husbandly duties! Taaa! They want to eat their cake and still have it. No way!

    • On point!

      May 4, 2011 at 10:06 pm

      And by husband duties u mean d ability to provide for her or more than $500? if d guy was ur brother and he gists u about his girl refusing to take wat he cld afford, wat wld be ur reaction…? My point exactly!

  6. Omgg

    May 4, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Pahahahahahahahaha! I can relate to this especially the motherly duty part

  7. DIVA

    May 4, 2011 at 9:03 am

    nice write up…funny too…
    well in my opinion….erm…i wont wash and iron his clothes while dating….and even when the time comes a washing machine isn’t a bad idea cant imagine washing and starching all them long sleeve shirts and not a bad idea to have someone come in once a week and iron all the else will i be free to perform other wifely duties like cuddle in bed…*winks*…i love to cook so of cos once in a while i’ll make special dishes for him to at least give him a foretaste of what his meals will be like once we are married…thats about that..

  8. tee

    May 4, 2011 at 9:11 am

    i really do not see anything wrong in cooking for one’s bf once in a while….u don’t wanna get married and realise she cant’t even cook Egg!
    in adamu’s case the lady is an ingrate…..shikena!

    • On point!

      May 4, 2011 at 10:09 pm

      U mean ‘boil’ egg? Lol, just taking d Micky…!

  9. yeni

    May 4, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Lwkmd, ANUOFIA AND IS THAT ALL…like seriously this is educatively hilarious… I don’t exactly agree that u should cook,clean nd doll out in bed abeg(what would remain for the husband in future) but then some form of domesticity should be shown,cooking once in a while yes, why should I wash(u won’t wash my undies would he,so that one isn’t even a topic)… But basically if u treat ur babe right nd shower her with all d love and attention, I don’t think she would be seeing any of these as major…

  10. lola

    May 4, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Sincerely speaking, I concur with your Aunty. Just because a man is yet to put a ring on your finger doesnt mean that you should not carry out your duty as his girlfriend (except for bedroom matter). I strongly believe that if a woman is in a relationship and she truely loves her man, doing what she needs to do shouldnt be a big deal. Besides, how do you expect a man to put a ring on your finger when you are not showing him that you want to be his wife and that you have what it takes to be his wife by performing some wifely duties.

    • God's annointed

      May 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

      Hmmmm what exactly are wifely duties and who invented them? Come on! After 5 years of a relationship in which she has been performing ‘wifely’ duties, he is yet to produce a ring. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not against the occassional cooking and such, nut if you want wifely duties, then you put a ring on the finger.

  11. toke

    May 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

    i think everyone should know their stands in a relationship. like beyonce said “if you like it,then you should have put a ring on it”.Guys, dont go expecting wifely duties from girlfriends likewise girls, dont make your boyfriends your daddie/hubbies. you want wifely/husbandly duties? then step up your game and move to the next level

    • olamide

      November 24, 2011 at 5:15 pm

      took the word rite out of my mouth!

  12. busola

    May 4, 2011 at 9:20 am

    That guy is truly an anuofia… But honestly, I’m not suprised. Most Nigerian men expect things like cleaning and cooking from their girlfriends. As for me, I wouldn’t do these things for any man until we are at least engaged.

  13. Nanatunde

    May 4, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Now this is interesting… i was one for the ‘dont you dare expect me to wash, clean, cook, give a lay if it ain’t on my finger’ but increasingly i have come to understand that doing this things is based on two things(apart from the lay apart, no go area!):giving as much as you get and caring for the needs of someone you love. If the guy would willingly share his account number and the funds thereof with you and you walk in his house and see those louvres need a clean, go ahead. Just make him know that he is not obliged to give it and so are you. Besides, you would render those favours to family and friends who annoy the hell out of us anyway…so why not for your ‘Knight’…..just thinking…….

    • Q

      May 5, 2011 at 9:23 am

      Well said dear….right on the money!!!

  14. kokomma

    May 4, 2011 at 9:41 am

    OMG!!! This a very funny1..especially on d chicks part….I’m still laughing my ass out @ d ‘anuofia’ part!… Guys If u want sm1 2 iron ur clothes or basically spoon feed u, Do iT URSELF, or get a maid…or beta still put a ring on that finger! Chikena

  15. Nonye

    May 4, 2011 at 9:43 am

    [email protected] my girl Sisi Yemie! There are no rules to these things but people shldnt expect unpaid services biko! brideprice na how much kwanu?? silver ring no too cost, rhinestones di kwa acceptable!

  16. mee

    May 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

    This looks alot like what happened to me and my only regret is i didnt call him ANUOFIA(giggling).After slaving for him and showing him how good a wife material i can be he called me and said a virtuous woman will wash his car and be ready @ all times to do whateva he wants and we werent even married.he wanted me to return all his change from going to d market and when i didnt he told me i wasnt homely.i finally gave up and thot to myself he wasnt husband material,virtuous and homely and he doesnt deserve me.

    • sweetie

      May 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      ROFLMAOOOOOO i have heard it all, wash his car for him?, you are not homely? he must be an utter and conplete fool , let him go and marry his gateman if he want someone to wash his car…like how is that even normal telling ur girlfriend to wash ur car…and it sounds normal to him?!? Lord please save us all

    • Turn Turn Turner

      May 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      ROTFLMAO at marrying his gateman!

      I agree jare…wash his car for what na? Next thing he will tell u to put newspaper on the ground and lie on your back to check why the engine oil is dripping….pscheeeeeeeeew!

    • ify

      May 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

      that was funny.

    • iJuscant

      May 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm

      I am literally on the floor. “You are not virtuous for not washing his car” and sweetie now said he should marry his gateman. You ladies have put me in trouble in this office.

    • anya p

      May 4, 2011 at 7:44 pm

      hahahahaaha! lie on the floor and check if the engine oil is dripping! una go kill pesin for hia! wash car? ha! the guy never halla…see moves, wan turn me to maiguard.

    • miss b

      May 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

      LWKMDDDDDDDDDDDD! As in sweetie u hv made my week with this comment, cant stop laughing!!!

    • Ijé

      May 5, 2011 at 7:09 am

      LWKMD! Amen oh, may God help us all…

  17. my day

    May 4, 2011 at 9:54 am

    My two kobo…do those things because you ‘want’ to, not because you ‘have’ to when you are still dating, and it’s usually better to let your guy know from the word ‘go’ not to take those things for granted. If he can get all those things without that march to the altar, why would he want to stress his pocket by financing a wedding? Again, you were independent before you met him, dont give that up after you begin to date no matter how ‘bucksed up’ he is. It forces him to respect you and not take what ever thing you do for him for granted, or see you as desperately needing his rock on your finger. Summary, dont suck up to anyone, even your boyfriend. Enjoy your relationship, communicate openly, treat him with respect, make him feel good etc, etc, but dont ever give him the impression even in your ‘lovingness’ that he is indispensable in your life.

    • kenomy

      June 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      nice article;love it

  18. bukiola

    May 4, 2011 at 9:57 am

    The guy is truly an Anuofia…. im not suprised sha..but i think it depends on aw d lady carries and treats hersef too.i have not even had time to wash my own clothes let alone wash urs and cook.i can cook once in a while sha but he shdnt see it as my duty until he puts the ring on it…For Adamu’s babe…she no try @ all..tot she was a workin class lady..she shd chill till d guy marries her naa b4 she runs him down, 2months into rship and $500 wasnt enof for her.

  19. obi

    May 4, 2011 at 10:12 am


    • eloho

      May 16, 2011 at 8:26 pm

      rotflmao! i so love you for this! all dem liars saying “as for sex, no” yeah right! when that’s all the wifey duties they show! burst my head!!!!

  20. DimErr

    May 4, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Every man should do his/her chores by himself, dnt be expecting any gf or wateva to do ur shit, get ur lazy african brain washed head (tinkin women are house girls) and do it. And ladies, a man puting a ring on ur finga means no – dis days, he can still leave u for oda chicks, if men can do it in marriage, engagements is nutin….Its nt a jail……….Coming from a guy, GET FAMILIAR

    • illchic84

      May 5, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      LMAO @ lazy african brain washed . You speak the truth. Some African mentality is just mind buggling.

  21. brownie

    May 4, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Great !!! i like this one. As for me i cooked ,washed, scrubbed, paid half his bills and all that . I even stopped wearing makeup, hair extensions, wore lose and free clothes to please him . There was a little argument at the hospital when we went for genotype tests and he called me all names he could think of and hit me hard on the head. it was so embarrassing and time(8) / resource wasting years . Am out now i felt cheated but i have gotten my groove back on.

    • Miss ATL

      May 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

      WHAT THE HECK?????

    • Ada!

      May 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

      Unto wetin???

    • Obatunde

      May 5, 2011 at 8:14 am

      U really cared for him but he absolutely took you for granted and it’s a good thing you didnt tie the knots wit him it could have been worse. Remain caring but be sure you aint taken for granted or paint a situation as though u r trying to pay ur way through.

    • meme

      May 8, 2011 at 10:29 pm

      Sweetie pie, I can see that you are a very sweet lady but seriously? you paid half his bills!?. The minute you stopped being you, he lost every respect he had for you. You don’t need to change your look for the next man, if he approached you, he must have liked what he saw. if he wants you to change your look, then you are not what he’s looking for. I believe that’s a man for every lady and vice versa . you need a man that deserve and appreciate your loyalty…please please please..Stop being desperate!!

  22. Nezed

    May 4, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Nyc write up…
    On a different and objective perspective, can i ask if cooking, washing and cleaning is only a wifely duty? Whats wrong wiv a GF doing same for her BF whether they get married or not?…Just asking! I belong to the SOT (School Of Thought) that advocates that unmarried women should not sell themselves short by becoming doormats to their partner, however, each relationship should be weighed with RATIONALITY and COMMON SENSE and if you ENJOY cleaning up after him and don’t see it as a passport to become his Mrs, then plse go ahead, enjoy your relationship and do whatever duties you wish to carry out for your Man…Erm or your Woman!
    P.S (Am married….winks!!)

    • Obi

      May 5, 2011 at 3:49 am

      Nezed. A girlfriend as you suggested may do these things out of love for her boy. BUT the bottom line is that she should have it at the back of her mind that she needs to/ will have to CONSISTENTLY CONTINUE to do these things later on in her future with the boy. Or else expect the question that Kiru got after 5yrs. But my question is “why would you want to do the job of a wife when you have not been made one?” Give the guy a taste of what to expect but don’t empty your pocket when you’re not certain you will have any returns on your investment.

    • Obatunde

      May 5, 2011 at 8:46 am

      I absolutely agree with you sir

  23. deborah

    May 4, 2011 at 10:29 am

    ofcourse you cant be a wife if your not patient there was no need for the lady to insult the guy why shouldnt u wash, or clean for yr man or u want him to find those who will all the other thing too,the other lady was only after the guy money

  24. Lil miss sunshine

    May 4, 2011 at 10:33 am

    it is simple why buy the cow wen u can get the milk free of charge, when u begin to cook, clean, sleep and some cases move in with a guy, he will be slow in “wifing” you up, cos he is getting it free of charge. As a matter of fact, experience has shown that a man will not necessarily marry you even if you show him your domestic and bedroom skills. It is the grace of God, IMO there is nothing wrong in cooking for your man once in a while but make him understand it is a privilege not a right, and Biko leave all that washing and cleaning it is not your duty yet… if he likes it then he shd put a ring on it.

    • mzs_pam

      May 4, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      i cudnt agree moRe! spot on ur soo right

  25. MsLuffa

    May 4, 2011 at 10:35 am

    look this is serious. If he gets the milk for free what’s the point buying the cow. Seriously, if a man wants a wife, he should marry his girlfriend. If he wants his chores to be done, he needs to get a maid – if he falls for her – then all well and good.
    Realistically speaking, there’s some things you can help but do out of love, like cooking for a man, and if you’ve been there for five days in the man’s house, unless you are a slob yourself – you’d close your eyes and tidy the place up a bit.
    But don’t be daft with things, don’t leave your own house on a Satruday to go to his to cook and clean and slave away while he’s gnoshing and slouching. KMT.
    Please respect yourself and hopefully he’ll respect you.

  26. Mavis

    May 4, 2011 at 11:02 am

    if he acts like a husband then he better add a ring soon,then the girlfriend will act as a wife,after all one must ‘test drive’ the vehicle to avoid unpleasant surprises.As for expecting cash,if you’re working then get your own money and don’t expect your boyfriend to fork some,i mean who is giving him??

  27. bcgeorge

    May 4, 2011 at 11:07 am

    I see a lot of people tryna make sense up in here, the problem is they just don’t know the recipe thus(most especially the females). No disrespect to nobody, so y’all keep writing, while we keep reading……..we shall be back.

    • Ready

      May 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

      Bc/Bisi/George…just trying to figure out what your real name could be. I am eagerly awaiting your return.

  28. keke

    May 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

    LWKMD!!!!!!!!!NICE, NICE , NICE

  29. faith

    May 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

    ok good for u…..presently am workin in port n my guy(fiancee)is in calabar….we see nearly evry wkend…wen i travell to his place,i dont wash his cloth.i cook and sleep with him…and i expect him to pay my transport fare to n fro and give me money….and dis is how it will b until we marry.sometimes he expects me to do more..wat i do is ask fo more money.he says he doesnt have to give me anymoney bcos i work.truely i dont need d money but i see it as a consolation for d things i do for him and also if things finally do not work out….i wont av to say ””after all av done for u”””….the truth is dat dia shuld b a give n take between both parties in a relationship….but most guys like to cheat…

    • polka

      May 4, 2011 at 2:43 pm

      Honey.. please realize u are worth much more than money. So if the relationship does not work out, u are trying to say you wont feel bad simply because you collected money from him? Money is too small a price to measure ur worth please..

    • ujay

      May 20, 2011 at 8:22 pm

      sweetie,9ce but realize no amt is worth u/ur body,anyway depends on hw much value u hv placed on urself but i strongly suggest u conserve it till when d ring appears……..

    • elflaco

      February 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm

      I think u do that becos u dont trust ur guy, but if it works 4 the both of u fyn

  30. Ginika

    May 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

    [email protected] the anuofia

    Nice write up.

    • Ginika

      May 4, 2011 at 11:19 am

      Mehn, this cash biz is serious ooo referring to the Adamu story.

  31. sandra

    May 4, 2011 at 11:38 am

    what i know is, the same thing you do when leaving or staying with your boyfriend, is exactly or even less is what you do when you get married. if a girl doesn’t show concern and take care of her boyfriends house or things, he wont be able to do for her husband, same goes with the men, if u dont treat your girlfriend with love and respect, you wont do for your wife

    • onyaa

      May 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      sandra i no gree oh! boyfriend and husband, 2 very different relationship. if u’re married then you can compare the 2 and understand better, shikenah!

    • ujay

      May 20, 2011 at 8:28 pm

      na lie,boyfriend na boyfriend,husband na husband,by d way bf of how many years…………life bf i guess,na wetin she come earth come do be dat?

  32. partyrider

    May 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

    am a chick and speaking from a male point of view,gals dont ask for things your father cannot provide for u,if u arent married to the
    then as a chick my take on this; its not mandatory to cook for your man,but once in a while its nice to cook and tidy the place;apart from the fact its a show of love,its also a show of ur brain..hahahaha
    but if u stay in a guys house for 5 days or live we him before marriage,and u dont want to do these little duties,den u are d joker.u seriously cant be arguing over who will do d dish wen u are in d house,so wen u pack ur bags and ur 2 left legs to live with a guy or spend a long time with him,truth is if he asks for any of those tins dont b surprised;cos u created room for it.
    as for laundry NO! there are plenty of washer men around the place..if we get married and we cant afford washing machine we can wash together.
    ladies,respect urselves..yes u are in love,dont be stupid.cos at d end of d day d guy wont respect u..shikena

    • joicee

      May 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

      Party rider, you are so wise…That lady stayed in his house for 5 days having a great long weekend and al the the things that go on with that.Why is she now complaining if he demands that she care for him then? …Ladies know your worth, Nobody will treat you like a slave except you allow them to.

    • ujay

      May 20, 2011 at 8:31 pm

      i feel u sis,tell ’em.

  33. Timma

    May 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Hmmm, Both parties shouldn’t eat their cake and still have it. The issue is every relationship must be properly defined, I dont see myself dating a guy for 5 whole years and he is still yet to make up his mind if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or if he wants to turn tail and run! Adamu’s girl friend in her case was just plain greedy.

  34. benny

    May 4, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    How about if I put a ring on her finger first and later found out that she can’t fix anything…what will happen? Thinkin…one thing… if cleaning and etc will make your lover happy …why can’t you sacrify a lit time to do it…It doesn’t cost you anything …Most girls are really lazy period…

  35. Obi-talk

    May 4, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Godbless u for writing this article. it’s really funny and interesting to read this! ….leave all these pple deceiveing themselves about girlfriend turning wife and all not what. they can continue when the matter erupts in their face everyone will learn the way.

  36. Ginika

    May 4, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Please people. Read carefully, the guy said that she wasn’t doing these things as much as she used to. This means she does them and used to do them a lot more frequently than she presently is. The babe is just tired and is saying isn’t 5years enough time to decide if she is the one or not.

    5years is more than enough. They say a man can tell within the first 6months into a relationship if you’re the one or not that he will marry. If he is dragging for like 5, 6, 7 etc and beyond, you are keeping him company while he searches for the one and not a companion for life.

    • beau

      May 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm

      Thank you! my sentiment exactly “isnt 5 yrs enough…”

    • Kemchi

      May 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

      Exactly! He’s lucky she stopped at ‘anuofia’, me I would have called him every ‘anu’ under the sun! Foolishness! Anumpam!
      Some men sha, wanting to enjoy the milk without buying the cow. Personally,I think if a man’s gonna put a ring on it, he will put a ring on it, regardless of whether u turn yourself into his maid or not.
      Is 5 years of her ‘service’ not more than enough for him to know whether she’s wife material or not? There are countless babes that have given all, and have nothing to show for it.
      Like some posters said a little cooking and tidying up should suffice biko. Any smart decent man should be able to tell whether his girl is wife material or not, without her cohabiting and practically turn herself into girlfriend-wife. All these men and their plenty sense 🙂
      If you want my full services, biko put a ring on it, shikena!

    • Obi

      May 5, 2011 at 3:24 am

      Anumpam!!! lovely.

    • Tiki

      May 5, 2011 at 9:53 am

      lol @Anumpam!(BTW what does it mean? sounds funny though!)
      Anyway, my two cents…cooking and cleaning and whatnot should be a matter of sharing chores, and also a labour of love. For example, I’m in a long-distance relationship, so only see my bf when I can get time off work, and he usually has to work while I am there. Therefore, I cook and clean so he has a nice hot meal waiting when he gets home-that way he misses me more when I’m not there! However weekends are his turn…breakfast lunch and supper are on him, and the most I do is keep him company in the kitchen or serve and clear…even washing up, I no dey do! My winded point is, all you need to do is divide the chores so that no one ends up feeling used by the other! with regards to money, he earns wayyyy more than I do, but if I want something, I ask! I’m not his responsibility, so I don’t fault him for being unable to satisfy my every desire. Girls, let’s value ourselves a lot more than we do now…being a maid/cook/bedpartner does not guarantee anything…how do you think lazy girls get married?If he’s gonna put a ring on it, he will regardless…stop being a doormat while waiting for that to happen.

    • wifematerial

      May 5, 2011 at 8:11 pm

      my dear, i tire o……i totally agree. after 5yrs, a man shud knw if you are wife material or not! wetin im still dey find? mscheww! anu ehi like him!

  37. iREAD

    May 4, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    I am sort of sad reading the responses to this post. What I am getting is that women are for cooking, cleaning, sexing and looking pretty, if you are lucky only when you are married, if not, even as a girlfriend. Is this the kind of premium that we place on ourselves as women?

    It’s weird that my husband and I were discussing this exact issue last night following a visit to a friend of mine who seemed to be taking her husband’s orders inspite of the fact that she was clearly busy preparing for their big occasion in a couple of days. It’s just saddening.

    Women, please, there’s more to you than cooking and cleaning and sexing. True love shares…everything both pleasures and burdens. As a girlfriend you have no business cooking, cleaning and sexing regularly… On occasions, yes, but regularly and in the hope for monetary payback??? Is this how cheap we are/have become? Just like there should be the occasions when you do these things (as I Christian, minus sex for me) for your guy, the same should apply to him. But how many times do you see a guy coming to clean your house?? It just doesn’t happen.

    Same goes for marriage, unless you’ve both agreed that you, the lady will be a housewife, then it is not your sole responsibility to cook, clean, be banged, raise the children etc. These should be shared particularly if you are both in full time employment. If we do not as women, start demanding (and by that I mean as an discuss, make clear our expectations and FOLLOW THROUGH) that our men step up to the plate and become partners instead of slave-drivers, then this same fate will befall our daughters and half of us end up depressed by the time we hit middle age.

    For Pete’s sake, your man’s money is not automatically yours, stop looking for material things, stop selling yourself and your dignity and your birthright (your right to be respected and treated as gold) for Fendi bags. Please. Before you are married, his money is just that, HIS. WORK HARD, MAKE YOUR MONEY, SPEND YOUR MONEY. A gift should be just that, a gift. Not demanded, not sulked for. You are not a maid, stop playing servant. When you are dating, discuss your expectations, make it clear that you intend to be a partner, not a doormat. Do things together. Cook together (when you can), let him cook for you once in a while, engage his MIND not his wallet. And when you finally get married, you’ll find that the foundation of sharing you’ve built will never be eroded.

    So-called wifely duties does not guarantee you shishi. Matter of fact, women who have a brain, and treat themselves with respect are in much higher demand. Do yourself a favour, RESPECT yourself.

    • DimErr

      May 4, 2011 at 1:16 pm

      Lmao……[email protected] Be Banged…………hhahahahahahhaaa…………….PREACH AM!!!!!!!!!!!

    • The Truth

      May 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm

      U hit the nail on the head hun! I’m amazed at some comments i read here.

    • Ziggy

      May 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

      This is the best advice I have seen anyone give on BN. THANK YOU!!!

    • Kemchi

      May 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

      Gbam! Thank you oh so much. My sentiments exactly.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      May 4, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      I agree… 100%.. both men and women need to redefine purpose and personal values.. infact I have always encouraged cooking together and other valuable things together it is fun and lovely… whilst with a guy that was thoughtful, he would always say lets cook , pray, bible study and stuff together it was quite insightful and we did everything together minus sex… I think women and men should know where they stand with these relationships, courting and simply playing each other…..

      Whatever the case, there will be respect even if it doesnt lead to marriage…

    • jessy

      May 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm

      Well said………..

    • Obi

      May 5, 2011 at 3:41 am

      iREAD you are a wise man/ woman. God bless you.

    • anjay

      May 5, 2011 at 8:58 am


    • Obatunde

      May 5, 2011 at 9:20 am

      Words of wisdom, learnt a few more from you.

    • fokasibe

      May 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

      You do read!! Yes, indeed you do!

    • toyinex

      May 12, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      I think the most important thing is to strike a balance in loving a man. Give him enough space to miss you, do not overburden him at the same time make him responsible for you.

    • OgheneElo

      May 6, 2011 at 4:02 am

      amem sis!!!

    • ujay

      May 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm

      such fountain of wisdom,pls keep flowin.

  38. BigBen

    May 4, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Ladies, If you must cook for your man, do it at your place, (0n occasion, you can cook at his)…your excuse for cooking in ur place as opposed to his if he ever brings it up, is that he doesn’t have the items you need and u don’t wanna be too forward bringing ur things over especially since you r not wifey (see the subtle hint :P), then add you don’t want him to feel like you are all up in his space (he can’t vex, all he can do then is make excuses)

    If you must clean up, do it after y’all have finished messing up the place together, gives you the chance to see if he would pitch in to help even if just to carry the glass to the kitchen, (get know him outside the romance, but if he can make helping out with those kinda stuff romantic, thats a plus for you), a man doesn’t just pick a wife, a woman picks a husband too…also if you must clean up for him, outside of the previous stmt, do so when he is not home (assuming you have a key to his place)…if he sees you cleaning too much while he lounges and he hasn’t wifed you, he might start to see you as the cleanup lady, not the woman he loves.

    Lastly, if you must stay over (if you haven’t already moved in :P) no more than 3 days, preferably 2…you can spend more elsewhere, just not in his house….

    PS: Please remember relationships are give and take…he also has to pass your screening too, whatever it is women set as their screening test these days..;P

    • jessy

      May 4, 2011 at 1:49 pm

      True talk………..

    • moi

      May 4, 2011 at 11:53 pm

      I agree 100%, cook in your own home and suprisingly invite him over (I usually ask him to bring the wine if its dinner)!

    • Obi

      May 5, 2011 at 3:37 am


    • adaeze

      May 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

      love you already dude

  39. justme

    May 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Pls tell the men to get a cleaner to come in once a week or once every two weeks to tidy up the house. That’s what my then fiance and now husband is doing. I tell him to cook when I am not in the mood to cook. I also let him know when things become excessive, such as his bad habits, etc and he buckles up. The way u lay ur bed is the way u will sleep on it.

    Have a blessed day, everyone.

  40. lalizzle

    May 4, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Very funny…for 2 ppl 2 get into a rl8bshp, dre shd b a certain level of undastandin btw dem as 2 wot 2 xpect 4rm d rl8nshp. I’m against women or nebody 4 dat mata sellin their souls 4 sum1 dat doesn’t kno wot dey want*rme
    By d way ur frend Kiru is a sharp babe

    • fokasibe

      May 5, 2011 at 11:23 am

      Isn’t is simpler by far to write in plain English? Just saying!!! :s

    • ujay

      May 20, 2011 at 8:48 pm

      has not bn 2 sharp waitn for 5yrs,she wld hv waited 4 a lifetime

  41. LolaM

    May 4, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    I think the key here is balance…and a definite no no to sleeping with him before you get married (Old school philosophy I know) but very true…or how else would you know you ain’t just a booty call/cleaning lady/cook. Don’t put yourself at a disadvantage…a guy who goes after other women cos you are not giving him sex did not deserve you in the first place….know your worth. Nothing wrong with the occasional pampering with home cooked dishes for your man or even some clean up when you feel like it…but know where to draw the line….as you lay your bed, na so you go lie on top am

  42. onyaa

    May 4, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    the ANUONFIA part is sooooo just me! Haba this our Nyja boyz sef??? Why dont they always know what they want?? if you meet a girl and find 1 or 2 things things you love about her, take her to the altar kapish and stop wasting chicks time. As for Adamu, the babe is soooo not your class so get a life. im loving this gist though, hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!

  43. B!

    May 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    What is the meaning of Anuofia?

    • Kemchi

      May 4, 2011 at 5:29 pm

      Literally it means bush meat, but it’s an insult tho. More like saying he’s less than human, and more like kill from the bush, or roadkill. I hope this makes sense.

  44. huggieskin

    May 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    5yrs for wat,re thy tryin to brk the worlds recrd.obviously the gal ȋ̝̊̅§ jst tired of doin ol the cleanin n ol plus adamus story has 2sides,its either the man ȋ̝̊̅§ selfish lyk ​U̶̲̥̅̊ said e has ol thm degree the gal knws e can do wy better thn tht or the gal ȋ̝̊̅§ jSt a greedy serzly ​U̶̲̥̅̊ ave to shw a guy ​tht Ūя̲̅ responsible anuf to b hs wife so Ūя̲̅ domestic ability nd 2 be displayd once in a yl

  45. iphie

    May 4, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Nice one!!! i jus feel that it’s an African thing not jus Nigerian and hav come to accept that dats jus the way things are and part of wat makes us African….may not seem right in these modern times tho

  46. Tyna

    May 4, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    na whoa oh

  47. gifted

    May 4, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    This is my own thought: Ladies, know ur limit in a relationship. If you cook for a guy and clean up after him during ur relationship just to show u are wife material, when u get married and have ur kids and ur career to deal with, he will want the same thing from you. I’ve seen so many pple who shows their boyfriend or/fiancee they are wife material and becomes too late for them to stop acting as slaves when they get married. Train up ur boyfriend during ur relationship so that the first year of marriage won’t be a nightmare to both of u. This doesn’t mean you can’t cook or do other things for ur husband but KNOW UR LIMIT so you don’t regret ur pretending ‘nice attitude’ later.

    • Obi

      May 5, 2011 at 3:29 am

      Anumpam!!! lovely.
      I agree.

  48. Odior

    May 4, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Nice piece there. It shows the same way women expect things from men thats the same way the expect things from us. Cooking is no big deal…….wash , iron etc NAY-HI! That dude no try sef…5yrs down the line…bros HABA!!!

  49. kiki

    May 4, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Dating is definitelt not marriage so no parties should expect wifely/husbandly duties from the other more than they are willing to give. But if u ask me, a girl going to spend that long a time in a man’s house should be prepared to a large extent to play wifey. A woman doesn’t stay in a house for long n not take charge. Otherwise, u stay put at urs or spend not more than 1-2nights at most at his.

    • MUG

      May 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      In my opinion, wifely/ husbandly duties start once there has been a “leg- opening”( cuz these days the bedroom isn’t enough for some ppl

  50. eGbUTo pUMPiNg..!!

    May 4, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    …my DeaR ppL.thR r nO ruLeS 2 diZ tiNs…u usuaLy acT as D siTuaTIon demANDs..sO aL diS toK aBT nT dOIn n DOin…doZ girLs,nA deM gO 1sT dO evRyTin oo(toK dE saY iS chEaP) unA nO minD deM oo…dO woT suiTs u OO…

    • tatafo!

      May 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

      BN this is the kind of comment you shouldn’t allow to come through. What is this? please write in proper English so people understand you.

    • fokasibe

      May 5, 2011 at 11:24 am

      I concur!!

    • sarima

      June 7, 2011 at 11:10 pm

      StOP WriTIng LikE aN oN EDUcatED PERsoN

  51. NnekaTV

    May 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    What you do while you’re dating is what you’ll do when you’re married.

  52. Yezzirr

    May 4, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    From the perspective of a married man, no man should turn a woman (sister, mother, girlfriend, wife) into a slave. A lot of work should be shared together. I clean the house, Mrs does the same. She cooks, I dont (used to when i was sinlge but no way – she’s better than me). We both professionals and we both pay the bills. I do the laundry, she hates that piece of work. Generally, find what you like to do and get on it. Before we married, we never stayed together, she cooked very few times for me in her house (due long distance dating). No woman should go stay in a man’s house for long durations because that the start of the many issues. When a man wants to marry, he will you and no jupiter can stop him (and often the woman gets the big hints). Until then, he’s just blazing you and often misleading you.

  53. ForeverYoung

    May 4, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I keep laughing cos y’ll don’t know how men are wired. Only 1% of men know what they really want,the remaining 99% are confused as hell. During the course of most rltshps, most men would have sworn at least a thousand times they can’t marry who they are dating. Y’ll remember okafor’s law? For every Okafor’s law there’s an Amaka’s law. So when that man says “I think I need a break” …relass, dont vex, no fear..go parry with your girls and come back to deal with him. No gra gra here, just remember Amaka’s law dat says once a man eats from your pot of soup and “fetches water” gladingly(gladingly being the keyword) from your well, you pretty much have him by his balls. Now when you squeez balls, you do it gently with tact, if you do this skillfully, watch how he go follow u like three blind mices….mtschewww….
    All dis going to the river to fetch water,pounding yam and laying lifeless on the bed for man na serious waste of energy and time..ladies let’s work smartly and not “hardly” the time u r done with him, he will be ironing your clothes….

    • Kemchi

      May 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm

      Lol @ gladingly! As they say ‘agaracha’ must always come back, right?

    • Ready

      May 4, 2011 at 8:11 pm

      LMFAO!!! Babes, you are on another level. Whaaatt?

    • ForeverYoung

      May 4, 2011 at 9:23 pm

      Kemchi and ready, I’m serious o… my serious face on and all…..

    • jenny

      August 4, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      i love dat !!!!!!!!!!! hahahaahahaha!!

  54. wizie

    May 4, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    the only person who made sense here is bigben. and am assuming he’s a guy so i will take his advice ova every bull most of d pple here have been saying. but let me add dis,i have ciome to know that women are full of lies and make believe – especially when they have to talk in public. every1 is sounding so ”am a sophisticated independent young woman who dsnt do this and that”‘ oh puleeez i can swear most of u here cook for him,clean et all and especially bang him regularly. so [plz cut it with d goody two shoes bit abeg! u dnt have to lie,just dnt contribute its more honest dan all d bullshit lies some pple r telling here! i have come to knw dat women always tell u what they want u to know. if u see d way some girls get beat down by their men eh,u will just puke. but dis same women will come out n go preaching to other victims, if it were me i wld arrest him,shoot him bla bla bla. all bullshit as they r suffering from a worse case beat down frm their own men! abeg make i hear word jor…… most women above d ages of 30 will cook clean and bang their man regularly just cos they want he final price! as far as am concerned i will take ben’s advices to an extent , but every r/ship is unique and u can break all the ”rules” and still nail d groom,so……… there r no do”s and dont”s in dating a man or woman. do what works for u and leave d preaching to d guyz on d pulpit ok!

    • fokasibe

      May 5, 2011 at 11:28 am

      I concur with you on the part that most people here are talking jazz…..especially you!

  55. Gee

    May 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Damn! This is awesome but i guess dat’s wat the world has turned to….really ppl hav to come to a compromise at times..but with these kinda demands taking priority in a growing relationship, i truly wonder whether we’re here for serious or is it all a big joke..
    Girlie, thought it well to put this up but i assure u that it doesn’t really matter how people do their, what matters is HOW U DO URS AND COME OUT SHINNING (CLEAN) no fears am sure u’ll do just fine…tkre & best wishes oh..

  56. Chibaby

    May 4, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    A boyfriend is not a husband. A girlfriend is not a wife. Weather she was cooking, cleaning and sexing him before is not a reason for him complain about it now. She is still not his wife and he has no respect for her if he is demanding it from her now. Being Wifey or Husband material is not about cooking, cleaning and sexing. It is more about the person who can share your joy, happiness and other things. Being Wifey or Husband material is about the person’s character, personality; is about the inside of the person not about what physical things you can do for them. Men that truly want to marry a woman are not looking to see if you can cook,and clean. However, some of them might want to know if the sexual chemistry is as good as the attraction. But 5 yrs is a long time to know.

  57. chales

    May 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Can we please stop this foolishness? Everybody is shouting that you shouldn’t perform wifely duties if you are not married to the guy. . . are you really looking at the context of the situation?? She was in his house for 5 days. FIVE days. Forget sex (I know all of una like to form spiri) if you think its alright for him to play husband for a week and you don’t feel the need to play wife you need to leave the poor man in peace. Let him find someone that will give as good as she gets. Rubbish.

  58. HoneyDame

    May 4, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I have just one word….ANUOFIA!

  59. Sim

    May 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Let a relationship run its course. After all, they say you will know when you’ve bagged the right one.

  60. lexy

    May 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    ANUOFIA all d ladies out der,do wat u enjoy doin fullstop.if u are happy cooking,cleaning and sexing 4 him,wats stoping u?all i know is dat a man will always be a man.

  61. iJuscant

    May 4, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    The anuofia outburst was coming from a place of frustration. The girl is tired of sitting and waiting for 5 years. She has always done the duties that the guy was complaining about, she just thought if she reduced it he would come around and propose….WRONG. Ladies, you can not will a man to marry you. Na you siddon for 5 yrs dey wait proposal…I am not mad at the guy one bit. He was just commenting on the reduction of things she used to do for him. I am a woman that likes to cook and clean. If I visit someone’s house and stay over for 1 night, it is only courteous for you to at least lay the bed. Now, Nkiru was there for 5 DAYS, yea she should have helped clean and cook. I cook for my man because I think cooking is an act of love (for me atleast). I am not expecting him to wife me up because I cook (I am going to chop from the food too o). I don’t spend copious amounts of time at his house, we are not married…I have my own apartment. So, when he hangs out at my place, he helps straighten up and cooks from time to time. When I am at his place, he cooks or I cook and we both clean up.

    As for Adamu, that chic was just a gold digger. I don’t care who Adamu is, she was out of line for expecting more than 1 kobo from him and getting mad that he gave her “a small” amount of money. She is the type of chic that gives us Naija women a bad name. If you have a job, you should not be expecting your man to pay your bills etc. It is nice when he showers you with gifts from time to time (atleast see that he is not a stingo), but expecting him to play Daddy to you….mba nu. What part of the game is that?

  62. ebubechi

    May 4, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    things is i take care of my baby.we bath each other, he cooks(after much beggin)n helps with the dishes…he showers me with love n attention n care.i dnt really see why i shouldnt take care of him.lately i have cut down on somethings to see if he really appreciates what i do or he expects it of he asks me when i havent done something shows me he appreciates.the other half is for when we are married..”whispering he aint seen nothing yet..wink wink”

  63. diva23

    May 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    i dont think its wrong to cook or clean for your bf as long as he appreciates it and does his own part in return. I have dated my fiance for 5 years we dint rally get to know ourselves till we got to jand togeda for masters , that was when i found out he was a very good cook, he cooks for me wen I go to his place and we both cook wen he comes to mine , i clean his room for him when he doesnt ask me to or we do it together, what am actually trying to say here i there is no written book that says the woman should do the washing cleaning etc but if it has to be done as a gf make sure ur bf still has respect and regard for u do it with dignity and he would never take you for granted except the guy is a freaking idiot.

  64. diva23

    May 4, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    well, there isnt a rule book that says a woman shud be d one doing all the chores it can be share by both parties. Av known my Fiance for 5years that we have dated and we started getting to know each other better two years ago when we came to jand for masters i found out he was a very good cook i got to his place he cooks for me he comes to mine we both cook i clean his place for me on my own accord and he appreciates me what am trying to say is that even if you must help with the chores as a gf it should be done with your dignity intact your bf should appreciate you and be grateful except his a freaking idiot.

  65. ForeverYoung

    May 4, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Burrr…I think it’s an insult to call a beautiful thing such as “love-making” wifely duties…gosh it’s an art, geez last time I checked both man and woman heave with pleasure during the exercise so why do women think in this age and day “giving it up” is a favor? If you no wan use ur “treasured goodies” play ludo, then “skinny-jeans” it up….wear tight pants that even if yll get tempted bobo will lose interest if he can’t un-pant you on time….if u believe in no sex and ur liver carry am – as in the lack of it dont turn u to jezebel, please stick to that, I have a lot of respect for such ppl. Burrr, don’t give it up cos you want Mr Okafor to stay, sex is not enough to sustain a relationship, important? in some cases yes. Yll be fantasizing about ur last episodes with ur partners and yet yll be feeling like it was a gift to him….I mean really, if e no sweet u, why una dey cream when u hear his voice or think of him? abegii…..

  66. ugowoundo

    May 4, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    women are just foolish……u open ur legs for him…and yet u won’t do the others…lol…i laff hard…they all sound like they need the relationship for companionship not real love….WISE UP WOMEN!!!

    • loli

      August 10, 2011 at 9:08 pm

      Couldn’t have said it better

  67. Sarah

    May 4, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    All I can say is that we women should think beyond wanting their man to “put a ring on it” and instead think more about when he puts a ‘band on it’ (as in wedding band)!!! Truth be told, most men expect the comforts of a wifely girlfriend without being man enough or responsible enough ask for her hand in marriage but instead takes years of her life leaching off her feminine attributes. Ladies don’t let your bf enjoy all the treats whilst dating… instead savor the good stuff for your marriage i.e, the best of everything you have to offer such as cooking and dare I say it…sex!

  68. jessy

    May 4, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    A good relationship is a give and take from both people…A bad relationship is one person giving & the other taking!


    May 5, 2011 at 1:21 am

    I honestly think the is no one rule to this. It really depends on the person you are dealing with. Some men, you will clean for cook for and take good care of like you would do your future husband… and they appreciate you more for it. And others…. Lets just say they are opportunists who wont hesitate to use a maga. On the female side, i think its wrong to expect a man to pay your way but at the same time, a man should be able to show the woman he is with that he is willing and able to take care of her WITHIN HIS CAPACITY…

  70. Obi

    May 5, 2011 at 3:35 am

    Know your limits like Gifted already said. Not only with domestic duties, but if you always back out in an arguement just because you don’t want him to think you’re OVER argumentative then be prepared to do the same when/ if married. We are almost always willing to go above and beyond to show men love. Maybe its because society demands that women be “good”. One man in church put it nicely … when God spoke to Adam & Eve after they ate the fruit He said that the woman’s desire shall always be that of her husband (her man if I may say). So women always seem to cater to men, to please men.

  71. canadianbelle

    May 5, 2011 at 6:38 am

    I really dont understand what the woman gained by calling him that though. What is wrong with sitting down with your boyfriend like adults like you both are and discussing the situation. Let him know that doing those things are privileges not rights; you dont HAVE to wash his clothes or cook for him, and the moment he sees it as a duty, thats the moment that there is a problem. and if you cannot explain this to him and if he doesnt understand this, i dont think the lady should marry him in the first place. Marriage is a serious thing, so you should be able to have this sorta conversation with someone you have been with for 5 years especially if he is a potential husband. Just my opinion. lol.
    And any woman who is disturbing a man for money, regardless of what that amount is, is really deep. like she is really deep. If your boyfriend says i would give you 20 naira, thats 20 naira more than you would have regardless and instead of you to just say thank you and buy tom tom or whatever, still appreciate it. yes you would be expecting something more, but honestly, he is your boyfriend not your sugar daddy. LOL

  72. ephee

    May 5, 2011 at 7:47 am

    i was so submissive and obedient to my ex boyfriend of 5 years and at the end he never gave it a second tought to diss me for another girl. to me its not worth the sacrifice, u can do the little u can but dont be enslaved to a man and be independent no matter what. till he is married to you , u owe him no WIFLY duties. if he need any let him get a maid. period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  73. beatuifull

    May 5, 2011 at 10:01 am

    Hmmmm…Some deep stuff here o.Seems like this post was for me.I’ve been with this dude for over 4years now,I do all the wifely duties,and cook once in a while.I say once in a while cos he happens to have 4 sisters and he’s somehow always comparing my cooking to thiers.I have a morbid fear whenever he says baby fix this or baby fix that.I am afraid that if he ever gets around to proposing,I’ll constantly be living in the shadow of his mother’s perfect soup or his sisters wonderful stew…Btw,whenever i mention marriage,brother goes cold oh,as in e go blank do like say e no even hear me.I kinda know what’s going to follow after this post…just thot i’d get this off my chest.

    • Ready

      May 8, 2011 at 8:06 am

      Babes, I’m sure you know what you’re supposed to do. If marriage is what you really want, I hope you have a conversation with him where you express what you want from the relationship & ask the same thing of him. After that, I really hope you have the strength to make the best decision for you. But holding on to a man that doesn’t want you for forever is like holding on to split ends; it’s unhealthy, does damage, and will break off eventually.

    • storm

      June 4, 2011 at 9:01 pm

      my dear the hand writing is on the wall …..dnt think dt ur dude wants to take the relationship to the next level,besides are u even prepared to spend the rest of ur life with a man who thinks of his sisters better off than you? u have to have a rethink and know what you want in your relationship and marriege

  74. hian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    May 5, 2011 at 10:05 am

    i sincerely hate dat stupid nigerian mentality…its simply ridiculous “if u cnt cook clean n wash no man will marry you” its just rubbish n very backward…of course u should know how to do dose things but they shouldnt be the basis for marriage…n na naija girls dey cause all dis rubbish…dey tryto keep a man by being his slave(of course u hav to continue once married) if ur man dumps u cos u cnt cook n clean trust me it isnt true love.*justmyopinion*

  75. Ajike Gold

    May 5, 2011 at 10:21 am

    lol! we are all just selfish…

  76. dimples

    May 5, 2011 at 11:51 am

    hmmmmmmmmm!!!!! my eyes ar full!!!!!! my mind is juggling between d do’s n dont’s . . .but honestly nspeaking,u dnt nid to spend eternity for him to know wthether or not u ar d one. Some men ar just plain mean. . .they know in their heart of hearts dat they wont slip d ring down yet they want u to be self less wen it concerns their welfare/wellbeing. I hate dem sometymz for dat selfishness,as for adamu,why wont she expect more than a miserable $500?ladies,plz remember he’s had a few flings before finally settling for her,and i’m certain they all performed some form of ‘wifely’ duties all in a bid to be d lucky one before getting dumped,he got wot he deserved,wish i culd see her so i can ‘chop’ knuckles wit her . . . .real anuofia plus anumpam!!!!!!!

  77. Saneb

    May 5, 2011 at 11:55 am

    ha ha….and i thought i had a bad experience. I’m not averse to cooking, cleaning etc for my boo as long as it’s appreciated and not expected…which it often is but I was just reminded of a situation when he was craving fried rice and chicken and salad, so i decided to indulge him by cooking…however, when i was done, he wasn’t quite ready to eat, so I dished out the food and popped it in the microwave so he could help himself when he was ready….but….a couple of hours later, he’s calling out my name “baby, i’m ready to eat now”…to which i responded…”ok, your food is in the microwave”…and he starts sulking and says he won’t eat unless i serve him…as in put it on a tray with his favourite drink and bring it to the living room………that was when I realized that cos i started serving him, he started to expect it….but rather than stop taking care of him like i used to, i just communicated with him and told him that I didn’t like the way he acted earlier….and he actually changed afterwards and never ever demanded that i serve him again. If anything, he was always very grateful when I did it…To cut a long story short, we broke up after 5 years but…..the morale of my story is this: Do whatever you’re happy to do for your boo….but Do it bcos you want to, and not because you expect to get rewarded(e.g marriage, financial gains etc) for it…take care ladies and gents 🙂

  78. VirtuousKelly

    May 5, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    We ladies sometimes complicate issues for ourselves and the guys then use our self created complexities to toy with/manipulate us.

    Whatever you start doing at the beginning of a relationship, get ready to do till the end…be consistent.

    If you present yourself as an all in one: cook, bedmate, house cleaner, washing lady…all well and good. I know people who are naturally like that and will do it for anyone and everyone so if that is your cup of tea..suit yourself.

    However if you are under the impression that doing all these so called duties as a girlfriend will give you the 150% brownie points to elevate you from girl friend to wife level…Please just have a rethink.

    There seriously are no rules in dating: You do what you can but whatever you do be consistent and take the relationship as it goes. Sometimes we ladies derive pleasure in deceiving ourselves. You’ve stayed in a relationship for 5 years with no prospects of marriage (I’ve seen relationships of 8-10 years with prospects of marriage and the two still got married to each other…sometimes issues such as finances may hinder marriage) and you decide to stay there…well ask God to deliver you because even though its hard to leave you have to move on.

    As for the taxing I won’t lie…once in a while a gift from the guy you are dating either in cash or in kind is not bad. But sometimes learn to say no. It won’t hurt. Don’t turn him into a bank. If he then requests for extra duties you will now be shaking your head…I sorry for you…please be wise.

    And as for guys that want to turn their ladies into their maid robots: don’t do this, do this, don’t wear make up, wear this dress, clean my car, clean my house, wash my dress, wash my pant…I really sorry for you because you will reap what you sow. One may feel that he has already gotten away with it…but I sorry for you like film trick you will receive a reaping harvest from someone on what you sowed in your girlfriends life.

    I heard this prayer from somewhere: Lord help us not to use the husband as the boyfriend and the boyfriend as the husband (Help us not to use the wife as the girlfriend and the girlfriend as the wife)

    May God help us all

  79. Nomy

    May 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Very Interesting i really love! Anuofia big time! He should get a house help and rock her as well then he will feel very loved! Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Nice write up though, i was kept glued to the screen, would love to read more like it!

  80. seanini

    May 5, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    lol,i wonder where men got this mindset from,immediately they have a girlfrnd they expect her to start cooking,doing their laundry and lastly warming their bed.dem don make am mandatory in relatnship.some men cant even boil water not to the extent they will start doing laundry for a men expect us to be perfect and better girlfrnd or wife when you not one .excuse me iranu

  81. adaeze

    May 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    i really tink d idea of expecting married roles from either parties is whack. y wld a guy expect such frm me wen he hasn’t put a ring on me. and ladies who do dat are kinda desperate cos they are givin away all d flavas to a guy whom ur nt sure will last with u.

  82. Dami

    May 5, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    hmm! cooking, cleaning, advising, praying, sharing, massaging,… wat havnt we done? abegi! If the guy wants you, he wants you!, if he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want! wifely duties or not!
    afterall there are guys dat are madly in love with gals that cannot cook…

  83. mee2

    May 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    lmao! @anuofia. way to go girl.

  84. miiiiiiiiiii

    May 6, 2011 at 2:39 am

    Imagine a guy giving his definition of WIFE in his customised t.shirt as Washing, Ironing, F***ing, E.t.c. If d guys expect all dis as a wife, d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ shld give us some breathing space as girlfriends, afterall we still have chores 2 do at our own house or our parents’ bt wen we bcome wify, d chores are just at one place.

  85. uju

    May 6, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Ok .. now this is funny … hahahaha .. how i love bella naija authors,readers and commenters .. u guys make my day

    I believe most of these relationships palava can be totally avoided .. as women we have been naturally blessed with a defence mechanism/weapon called “INTUITION” … If you invest time to discover yourself and study this gift you will never go wrong .. Most times, ladies know when something does not feel right in their relationship but for some inexplicable reasons they will choose to go in .. and head deep .. when they could have easily avoided the heartbreak and hurt … If you know it does not feel right then why in heaven’s name will you decide to go on with it?
    An example: You are with a guy for over two years and this guy do not seem to have any obstacle that would prevent him from getting married .. but he has never mentioned anything about settling down … when he talks about his future plans, You don’t seem to fit in anywhere in the picture/plans, and when you finally confront him about the situation, he goes blank on you .. At this point if you are interested in getting married and you choose to remain in the relationship .. who are you fooling??? you can’t possibly decieve yourself.
    sometimes we see the handwritings on the wall but refuse to read it .. even at the beginning of a relationship .. we may see some character traits we do not like and may not be able to tolerate but for another inexplicable reason .. we think we have cinderalla’s Godmother’s magic wand .. and therefore we can change him .. U think your character/beauty/watever u have .. will change a grown ass man??? hahahaha .. now who you fooling??? .. go in head deep and watch that monster come out at its due time .. and if you decide to get married .. heaven help you because it will haunt you till … lol .. I know no one is perfect .. but if you cannot tolerate it at the beginning .. best believe that nothing will change afterwards.
    The rule of the game is leave while you can and as soon as you can .. it saves the time and hurt .. your INTUITION never lies .. if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not right ..Simple Logic .. or maybe not ..
    if there is any grammatical error ..sorry ..i don’t have time to proof read

  86. tamara

    May 6, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    iREAD and Bigben….big ups to you guys..its good that this kind of discussion is coming up, i just started dating and these comments are making me realize how far i should go as a lady…thank you all

  87. Rhodes F

    May 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Thanks for that. it was indeed quite enlightening. Im sure some/many of us have been in either of those positions. I think your next article should be about Husbands and wives that still act like (& subconciously think) they are still only ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ not embracing that insitution of marriage (which they both willingly decided to enter) & acting unrepentantly irresponsibly and even worse, after they start having kids.


  88. Bright

    May 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    This girl was to “Generous” to have given away five years of cooking + washing + cleaning + bedroom activities to this ANUOFIA guy. I am a man and wonder why fellow men will prefer to mortgage ladies for five years without defining the relationship and at the same time stand as “Navy SEAls” to other guys who are willing and ready to make commitment to the same. I also put 70% of the blame to Nigerian ladies who prefer to remain in a “heartbreak trap” relatnship simply becos the “ANUOFIA” is ASUMED to be “dark, tall, has broad chest and handsome”. If he refuses to give the relationship a bearing after six months, please quit b4 he takes that which is so precious to you. I also want to say that there is nothing wrong 4 a girl to cook for his man once in a while, perhaps that might tie him down for u. Goodluck girls as u go hurting 4 that scarce commodity (Marriage material) in Perfectly Competitive Market.

  89. xoxo

    May 7, 2011 at 12:55 am

    Nice write up…………I met a guy feb last yr who liked me(@least I thought did) and i liked back. He wanted a relationship but i wanted us to take it slow cos i wanted 2 get to know him and all. He seemed like Mr. Perfect. Nice words (all lies lol), his smile alone was enough to drive sum1 crazy. Guess i was carried away. During the process of getting to know him, he got his ex-gf pregnant. I think the sensible thing for me to have done was to run away but no i stayed. Sigh……He was so upset about the whole thing dat i was the only one he could talk too. I was soooo UPSET but acted cool about the whole thing and we tried to look for solutions on what to do. He was very sure he didn’t want the baby and he told the babe to abort the baby and all. To cut the long story short, i still foolishly followed him to look for an hospital. As if that wasn’t enuff, weeks later he called me and gave me stories about his bank and all. He wanted me to borrow him money to do the abortion “surprised look”.
    I thot i was dreaming but no, I wasnt….. I still foolishly borrowed him the money. B4 i forget this money i borrowed him was my salary. I got my money back eventually!*phew* We still weren’t dating o….I knew nothing good was going to come out of this relationship but I still decided to give it a try. I had 2 leave for my masters in sept, by then we made it official to start dating. Fortunately for me (thanks to bb) i put up his pic on my bb. Only for a friend to tell me she knew him and all. Infact he was dating her friend (relationship for 3yrs).
    I called him to confirm the gist becos i didnt believe. “Till this very moment he didn’t pick my call”. And he said i was CLAIMING to be his girlfriend, dat he doesnt know y i keep telling people we r dating and besides he cant date me cos my WAHALA is too much…..Lol!! Guys sha……..Now he is getting married in sept. U dont need to say more i know i was STUPID……looolI I forgot to mention dis, he added me back on bb 2months ago to say the gal made the stories…..(U fool me once shame on me, u try to fool me again, u don’t get the chance)

  90. NaijaGurl

    May 8, 2011 at 12:22 am

    First if I were ur friends, I would want to slap u right now for exposing my business out there lol
    2nd: @ Iread GBAM! u just took the words right out of my mouth, na ur mama born u biko
    nice article nonetheless especially the anuofia part chai

  91. bravo

    May 9, 2011 at 3:08 am

    nigerian babes r sooo funi!!! d sex is being paraded here as “no-go area”, yet 99% of u do it…lol,even with d biggest douchebags walk on niaja soil

  92. The Girl

    May 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    A lady is not suppose to perform the function of a wife to a man before marriage while the man is equally not suppose to carry the responsibility of a husband before the actual marriage.

  93. Serene

    May 10, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    The wahala with women cooking and cleaning for a boyfriend is that some attach high expectations to it. Cook and clean because you want to but don’t think that because you are cooking and cleaning that man will now see that as incentive to go out and buy a ring for you. You can clean and cook from now until eternity, if the man no wan marry you o e no go marry you so abeg, save yourself the wahala and shine your eyes. What are his actions? Forget what his mouth is saying, what does his actions speak to you?

    My father used to tell me, if a man does not hint at permanency when you’ve been dating between six months to a year, if he doesn’t speak as someone who has intentions as in he is in it for the long duration then bounce. Another little gem my dear dad sprung on me was, don’t do more than a man is doing for you, i.e. if he moves an inch, you move half an inch. Don’t move 2 inches towards him and he’s only move a quarter of an inch towards you. Observe a man, observe his ways, observe his family – how does his father deal with his mother? – when you do these things for him, does he take it for granted that you are supposed to do it? If he treats you like a wife, then he should make you a wife! Marriage certificate na only $35!

    A woman should always know her value, define her deal break and stick to it! A woman should always have her own, a man respects a woman he can view as a partner. Men understand straight talk, don’t assume he knows what you want because he doesn’t! Men are NOT mind readers, if he’s not coming up with the ring or talking like someone who wants to get married then don’t hang in there for 5 years then throw ANOUFIA at him when you never made your expectations known to him! Naija women will sit there and not say what is paining them because they don’t want to appear pushy. It’s all in how you do it.

    Don’t go asking for exorbitant amounts of money from a dude, do you go to the bank to withdraw money you didn’t put in there in the first place? Just because you are having sex with someone doesn’t mean that you have a right to make demands on their wallets, it is courtesy for a man to treat on a date if he asked you out but please don’t think that because you’ve given up Victoria’s secret and yours that entitles you to get spending money unless you are an ashawo (prostitute).

    Men and women, communicate with each other so you don’t have misunderstandings. Honest communication lead less disappointments.

    That na my own two rusty kobos.

  94. J-WORLD

    May 10, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    I think married men and women’s advice are needed more on this topic then we single people because lots of people are just blowing breeze calling it advice smh..The funny thing is I have alot of friends that act like wives to their boyfriends and they’re still together while I am single so it’s kinda hard to critisize them. Having said that the ultimate goal is not to be in a relationship 3years still going and the guy can’t decide, it is to get married and be that proverbs 31 woman! so all this girlfriend wife material business should be handled with care…DON’T GIVE THE RIGHT PRODUCT TO THE WRONG PERSON.

  95. Serene

    May 10, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    LOL. Well, alrightie then…

  96. pearlygates

    May 11, 2011 at 11:08 am

    hmmmmmmmmm! really interesting . . . .

  97. MUG

    May 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    i don’t mind cooking,ironing i think is a man’s duty n i don’t like n wheneva i’m @ his place i think i’ll do the cleaning not because they are wifely/ husbandly duties but because we are to help ourselves out. i have a friend that her dad prepares lunch every Sunday he’s in town, not because it’s his duty but because he just wants to help out.In MY OPINION, every lady should be comfortable around a man, n man around a lady; i.e there must be “a bending” @ some point… for someppl e.g me, ironing is a man’s job. i can wash but please do me a favour IRON!!!
    I know a dating-couple( they are not married). They live together and they share the work; cooking, laundry, cleaning, name it.whether one person is happy or not is the person’s very personal problem” sorry but you’ll sha do it” and now they’ve both adjusted to that way of living… i think every cuple shud be like that( not necessarily sharing chores) but accommodating one another. if the difference can’t be coped with,
    Advice: drop the person, shake out everything that has been rubbed in and continue your search.

  98. frankie!

    May 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Well, “Anuofia” thats a good one.I think sometimes these guys are either dumb or seemingly dumb cos i dont know why you would expect the wifely duties when you ve not made me one. I think “Anuofia” says it all cos thats exactly what he is.

  99. Fashion police

    May 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Married and a mother, my principle is
    Smart man + dull babe = heart break
    Smart man + smart babe = relationship
    Dull man + dull babe =single forever
    Dull man + Smart babe = Marriage lol.
    The truth is that relationship is a game only the smarter wins. I have never washed his cloths all these years of marriage bcos that was very clarified from day 1! i don’t wash mine either (except 4 my undies) and he still loves me more than he loves himself! wink; how would you spend 5 days and u don’t want to cook or wash plate? u jump from one restaurant to other, both u ll get tired of that if that is not your regular life, and u don’t want to clean too, u must be a pig! bcos it is improper 4 a lady to lazy around for days while the man does the whole work even if it is his home. please spend 2 days max if you don’t want those. There is no much diff (suppose not to) b/w boyfriend and husband vice versa except for the fact that he spends much more on u and ur kids without blinking.

  100. toyinex

    May 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    I think the most important thing is to strike a balance in loving a man. Give him enough space to miss you, do not overburden him at the same time make him responsible for you. it works

  101. Nutella

    May 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    This laundry/cooking/sexing issue just never parents have been married for 36 years and i have only seen my mom wash/iron dad’s undies and towels. I am currently engaged to my bloke of 5 years. I started dating him in my year 1. I thought he was the craziest guy i’d ever met. All through my stay in school, he bought cartons and cartons of eva water every week, was always doing stuff for me i’d previously only heard chics talk/dream about. He’d come over to my house every weekend to pick my laundry. Initially, i thought he was just trying to impress me (but we were just friends, so i was wondering, and also waiting to see when he would get tired). Five years later, he still washes and irons everything (his and mine), and the ones he can’t wash, the drycleaners do. His laundry days are something else..he’ll soak everything in hot water before washing, he won’t even allow me rinse. The highest i’ll do is to spread them on the line. When i visit him in his home (i’ve relocated after school), i cook. I don’t see anything wrong in that, i love to cook and i want to feed well while i’m away from home, plus i want to treat him too. Surprisingly, dude cooks too, especially beans cos he knows how much i hate to cook and eat beans. He does breakfast too, sometimes. I love to do dishes so i always do that. He won’t allow me touch his car in the name of washing (not that i’ve ever even dreamed that i would wash his car though), but i sit around and watch sometimes, other times, i hose the car down after he washes or we watch together while it’s being done at the car wash. We clean the house together when i feel like it (which is onec in a very blue moon), but i will definitely dress the bed when i wake up, i’ll clean out the bathrooms and i won’t let him clean the kitchen cos he just won’t do it as well as i like it done.
    Really, there are no hard and fast rules as every relationship is unique. Bottom line is having realistic expectations and not pretending to be who you are not just because you are trying to convince someone that you are wife/husband material. You can’t pretend for too long and when you finally get tired, things will get really ugly. Whatever my bloke does for me, i appreciate and thankfully, that’s reciprocal. Sometimes i ask myself if he’s just being an ibo man (we are made to believe that they are the best at caring for their women) or just a good christian man. Maybe a bit of both, but whatever it is, i am sure thankful to God for giving me this good man. I will treat him as often as i can to my calabar cuisine (because i love to cook for him, i actually enjoy it and the bloke is always very apprecciative of it), and for all the things he does for me in cash and kind, i will always be very grateful because he is not obliged to, but he does anyways, out of love and a caring heart.
    Come July, he will be enjoying the total package and i don’t forsee us having any issues about laundry/cleaning and stuff cos that has taken care of itself, somehow. Ladies, let’s all just really learn to value and respect ourselves. Know your limits and keep your expectations realistic. Respect yourself, your relationship and just give your relationship time to evolve nicely. Sorry for ths really long piece. Just my two kobos.

    • partyrider

      May 17, 2011 at 10:15 am

      interesting…from what you’ve said ur man is one of those rare breeds
      i wish u guys all the best,and continue to take care of him and be good.

    • Nutella

      May 17, 2011 at 8:11 pm

      Thanks, will do.

    • xoxo

      May 29, 2011 at 10:46 pm

      Lucky u

  102. Miss BusyBody

    May 16, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    I just got out of a 5-year relationship, Even after i did all i was ‘supposed’ to do, to show that I was wife material, the stupid guy was still clueless. I had to practically beg him to buy me a ring…. long and short of it, we got engagaed, but i found out that he wasnt my ideal husband and we broke up,…. moral of the story, ring or no ring, if ure not in a happy relationship, u wont be in a happy marriage….

  103. ayobella

    May 17, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    The girl ……Anofia and Tofiakwa for slaving for 5 yrs .hisssssssss

  104. Iphie

    May 26, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    If you like cook, wash and scrub from now till moro, if the mpama doesnt want to marry you, he will so not marry you! Next thing you hear is…he just got engaged…and to who? someone far away….and did he taste her food? abi washing skills??? hell no!

  105. Eboka Chukwudi

    May 27, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    lol…been reading thru at work….dont tell nobody. but theres no rules in dating jor. thats what u alll get wrong. ive been in the four different scenarios and i tell you laundry and dishes had nothing to do with it.
    1. just a fling and didnt cook/wash dishes: had loads of sex and dumped her
    2. just a fling and cooked and cleaned: twas nice to have a clean apartment and good food. but still had loads of sex and dumped her.
    3. loved her but she didnt cook: i got out of bed and made her breakfast, made sure my dstv and internet were working so she cld lounge in bed all day if she wanted. neva mae sexual advances until she made the first move.
    4. loved her and she cooked and cleaned. didnt make a diff cos i wanted to do those things for her. still i got out of bed and made her breakfast, made sure my dstv and internet were working so she cld lounge in bed all day if she wanted. neva mae sexual advances until she made the first move.

    maybe its just me but a girls intellect and wit do it more for me and wen i love u i just want to spend time with you. cooking and cleaning has nothing to do with it and sex is not imp. but wen i dont love u, if u like scrub all the pots in my neighbours kitchen, i still want to hit that and let you go. period. there are no rules.

  106. storm

    June 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    seriously if u practically live with a guy before u get married i see nothing bad in taking charge of the cooking and perhaps cleaning either by you or someone else that is paid to do so,ultimately you have to take charge else dont attempt co habiting.however everything is done with sense and discretion,girls should be sharp,dont show a man u love him tooo much hence he will take you for granted once in a while put him on his toes,make him long for you,make him miss you and ofcourse if things are not working out you shoulb be sensitive to spot it on time and prepare your mind for the worse but then haven been so nice and wifely to a guy after years and still he comes up with a stupid excuse and why he can put a ring in your finger.he aint worth it after all,and the worse mistake anygirl can make is to no dt is so out of it…girls be wise

  107. Feelitx

    June 5, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    My cook will do all the meals. My laundry guy will do all my laundry. My gardener will keep my lawns and compound clean. When you come around, just do all the loving and return home. Dont ask me for money, spend your own money because I have used your monthly allowance to pay my staff. shikena.

  108. Anne

    June 7, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Where my boyfriend keeps poking his nose into my very private affairs nko? e.g, always wanting to know which male called or sent me texts and why? The other day, a male friend sent me at text that started with “My angel” and my boyfriend went mad! Took 3days to settle the matter o!.

  109. sarima

    June 7, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    MEN!MEN!!MEN!!!are wicked set of humanbiengs sumtym sweet,decitful,wise,players,bulliesE.T.C women be carefull dont b decived. Never ever b d gving side always. if u want 2 knw if a man wants or loves u as he claims he can wait.

  110. yomie

    June 9, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    its so pathetic dt in relationship both party expects the wifely and d husband tin, but d fact remains dt d guy wants to knw if his lady is truly a wife maerial, so also the lady wants to knw dt d guy is a ready to act lyk a husband, wat we both forget is dt its only true communication, respect, love and patience dt can wk ds out, just lyk d bible says love is d greatest law to observe.God grant us grace in ds relationship tin.

  111. gbemileke ifedayo

    June 11, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    ladies should beware wen in a relationship. they shouldnt spend such a long time in a boy’s house.its not Godly.

  112. Halima

    June 19, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Nice Article!
    Personally i dont mind cooking for my bfy afterall its not that am with him every single day. Another reason is that his cooking sucks so if we are not eating out i dont mind cooking. Thats as wifely as i can get.

  113. timipiri

    June 21, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    i tink we need to decided as women what we wnat froma relationship firts-a lot of times-we let the men decide how we are going to flow-if you wnat an ‘oyibo’man that makes breakfast in bed an dhleps you with teh sdishes-know that and look for them-if it is a ‘niga’boy that feels(like his mother) you should be the home maker and caretaker(even if you are both employed) then you are in for doing the whole-cook,clean and do.
    as they are known as now-the Traditonal man and the Retro man..

  114. jenny

    August 4, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    LWKMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As in, am soo loving everyone’s opinion. Hmmm…..wat will u guys say about ladies dat are permanently living with their boyfriends! *smh*

  115. loli

    August 10, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Seriously the more i hear, see, or read these stories and I’ve concluded that some girls are dumb as rocks. 5years later and he’s not even close to marrying you? Whose fault is that…you need to look in the mirror and find your self-worth; Men have it easy–its foolish girls like these that create over-grown immature boys wishing hoping to turn into husbands.
    Screwing him, cooking, cleaning and going on a “romantic” get away–that’s the least of your worries. Best spend that $ on some psychological evaluation cause you really need it. Geez!

  116. CEO

    August 17, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Well, when a woman is giving up ALL the wifely duties…sex, cooking, cleaning. If a guy is receiving all the benefits already, just why should he put a ring on it? He has nothing to look forward to. Just saying!

  117. heheheheheheh

    August 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Lol I actually no diz chic whu used 2 date a fwend of myn……….d dude is a goat dou as in….d gehl wud go 2 his place,cook wiv her money,wash his clothes nd evryfn nd he used 2 stay wiv his mumcy…….so she wud cllean d ause as well so d mum liked her 4 dah reason sha…….she did it tru owt dre uni years u digg…d guy used 2 beat her sef,den we wud advice her o dah if he is beatn u owta wedlock wah wud apn afta u get marrried buh uhn uhn abokoku lyk her didn’t listen………d guy janded afta skul nd she wuz even waitn 4 him o 4 marriage now d dude is married in the uk wiv a set of twins nd a boy so meaning d gehl wuz jes a maid

  118. angel orakwe

    September 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    anuofia…lolzzzzzz,,dat is so funny but hey Ladies we shldnt always expect too much frm guys,,we shld be learn to take things easy cos wot we expect might not be what it is,,,not all relationships leds to marraige and not all marriages lasts foreva if we dont learn to take things easy…AS for the gurl expecting more than 500$ ,,if you were a bit patient he could just be trying to study ur person and u blew it with your own hands…THN the guy,,u would have spared her the troubles by just giving her the money immediately than make her feel uve got a lot to give raising and dashing her hopes……ANUOFIA,,,,FUNNY,,REALLY FUNNY..

  119. Nonso

    September 6, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    The Anuofia is too hash mehn….and 5yrs is way too long too.

  120. fice

    October 17, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Cooking, cleaning, having sex with a guy doesn’t guarantee anything. Do things out of love for your partner. But always remember nobody owes anybody anything, at least not before vows are said. Marriage is a choice. When God says to live a certain way, is for your own good. 5 years is too long for a relationship between two adults, if you started in college different story. Most couples i know that lived together, mostly break up after getting married.

  121. kem

    October 24, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    omg. i cant help but read and laff, any gist with boy/girl, man/woman, serious things, we all know the right thing….to whom much is given, much is expected…full stop.

  122. Olabeemaselfbad

    November 25, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    I know im so l8 in reading dis but kan’t stop laffin my flat ass out pls oo dis is a qshetion “MUST I ALSO BREAST FEED HIM WHEN UPON PERFORMIN THE WIFE DUTIES HE’s GIVING HEAD TO SOME OTHER BEEYAAACHT ” REALITY STATES DAT DUNT DATE A GUY AFTER 5 yrs if he doesnt proposed to u else hE’S GONNA USE U OUT. AND some guyz re stingeeee like selfish but that babe inadamu’s case she’s not the cerious type kick dat cabbage out.

  123. Kem

    February 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    i have read a lot of the write ups but all i can say is this;
    1st, Having God at the centre of your relationshipit makes a difference. 2ndly, Both parties must be comitted to a vision/purpose to make any relationship work. you dont need to date a guy/babe for 5years to know if he/she is comitted to u or not. use your head and not your body! 3rdly, pray! there’s nothing God cannot reveal to you and u have every answer in prayer and in the word of God. 4thly, be all you want your guy/babe to be, nothing is wrong with showing acts of for your guy/babe once u can do same for yourself without being selfish about it. On a final note, accept nothing less than respect, faithfullness, unconditional love and commitment. . Shalom!!!!

  124. Kem

    February 17, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    When i say having God, i mean both parties respecting and honouring God and eachother in the relationship. When God says to live in a certain way, its for our own God.

  125. leo

    July 11, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    please can comeone explain to me how “putting a ring on the finger” translates to being a maid cos i don’t just get it..anyway im a proper woman,i cook, clean and wash but i’m simply not a maid, wife or girlfriend if you are not being appreciated for your efforts its simply not worth it whether you are wife or girlfriend,all i can say is just be sure the person you are with fears God and he or she is God’s will for you then you don’t have a problem.

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