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“Men are Submissive, When They’re in Control” – Read Skuki’s Relationship Advice for Women



Skuki of Peeshuan - January 2014 - BellaNaija

The secrets to a long lasting relationship revealed?!

Nigerian musician Skuki of pop group Peeshaun took to Twitter a few hours ago to share his thoughts on how to make your relationships work.

Check it out!

















  1. princess

    January 6, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Words of wisdom!!!! Definitely going to ponder on these!!

    • baby

      January 7, 2014 at 4:13 pm

      i’m sorry but i would treat a man exactly the way he treats me,i have no time submitting to a man who hasn’t paid my dowry and wouldn’t treat me right

  2. Dr. N

    January 6, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Chai! This advice! Don’t think the men will be thanking him. Feed him n take him for walks and he’ll sit. Biko, what inspired this? Still laughing at the thought of my hubby reading this!

    • Just saying...

      January 7, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      As in, loving that no.10

  3. MelonX

    January 6, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    RIGHT ON!!! Who is this guy? Very smart, I bet you he observed the women in his life and they taught him well,ços bro, you nailed it. Ladies this is all you need to know.

  4. En!

    January 6, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    makes perfect sense..i really like it.

  5. Thatgidigirl

    January 6, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Bros you forgot to mention the schnapps libation, white fowl, palm oil, goat and 6 yards of white cloth, since men are now amadioha and sango that women must worship.

    • mp

      January 6, 2014 at 10:41 pm

      my dear, what that guy said is actually true. take it or leave it. its not about worshiping men. maybe u need to read through again.

    • Princess

      January 6, 2014 at 11:35 pm

      Thk u.. I cud give him a hug for this it

    • Thatgidigirl

      January 6, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      dont need to read anything again, its not a one size fits all. marry ur friend period! and u won’t need a manual on how to be a WIFE from an egoistic musician

    • Shorthairdontcare

      January 6, 2014 at 10:43 pm

      Hahaha. Word!

    • Eve

      January 6, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Very true words. Maybe you need to read this again and you might just learn one or two things. Let your ego down.

    • whocares

      January 6, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      lmaooooooooooooooooo. You read my mind. “men are more submissive when they are in control” is that some sort of intelligent statement thick heads like me are not supposed to understand? Of course they are more submissive when they are in control, they are making the freaking decision. I am even tired of all these talk about men now. I am always reading some sort of advice from “enlightened people” to submit to men, stroke their ego and be a stepford wife. Does anyone want to advice the men not to be scared of strong women? That if a woman challenges them she is simply exercising her right as a human being and no it may not be a power struggle? That as a wise husband/ partner he should let her be herself too, and that might mean her being a “lion queen”, or an I too know (no one is perfect after all). Why cant we have these rules for men as well? I may be young but I know I do not want the type of relationship he has described above for myself. I dont want to have to approach my partner like I am approaching a rabid dog. I dont want to “subject” to anyone, neither do I want to continuously stroke a man’s ego by losing essential parts of myself.

    • Iyke

      January 6, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      @ whocares, sometimes, the ideal is not always the reality.Nothing wrong in being a strong, and independent lady with exceptional high standards. I think when It comes to marriage, if truly you believe in it, the application of WISDOM is a sine qua non.Older chics in the late 20s/30s understand what I mean.

    • Thatgidigirl

      January 6, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      @whocares i love u jare.

    • whocares

      January 7, 2014 at 12:01 am

      @iyke if you like indirectly say I lack wisdom.. I will ignore that and go to my point. My mom is every bit as strong wiled and she is with an incredible man who finds her and her stubborn ways amusing. He doesnt try in any way to bring her down, neither does he expect “submission from her”. She is open with him. They laugh, they argue. She is happy. That is what I want, and that is not what has been described above. I saw this same woman with my step father and with him she was yes submissive, so much so that she let him have his way every time just to stoke his ego. People advised her to do this. She the ultimate good wife took that advice and all she got for her pains were broken ribs. I am not proud or anything but I stand by what I have said. I think its time someone wrote advice for men too about the type of women there are today. Since time immemorial women have been advised to be submissive, stroke ego, subtly approach etc… I am tired of it. Why cant men be advised to learn how to have open minds, be more approachable, and reminded that the world truly does not revolve around them. They share the same orbit with the women in their lives too.

    • Lizzy

      January 7, 2014 at 12:51 am

      I totally agree with you that It’s about time society shift the focus more towards teaching the men how to treat women right instead of only making women the focus. After all it takes two to tango. Everyone has opinions on how women should behave towards their men but irrespective of all these teachings flying around not much has changed. Divorce is still on the rise and relationships are breaking up everyday, perhaps this is a sign that both men & women have very vital roles to play towards each other. Whilst women need to stroke their men’s ego and let them play their role as the man, men also need to cherish, love & adore women and treat them just like they deserve.

    • Iyke

      January 7, 2014 at 9:15 am

      @whocares, I do not disrespect people …..You seem like a bright young lady, but kinda bottled up with emotions in your subconscious. Remember that we may not always understand each other…we may not always want to either… Understanding like truth…is not always comfortable…convenient or a welcome measure. Truth, often considered subjective…used as a tool…a weapon… Ignored as a fact…always engaged…under attack. When held hostage…unable to express itself freely…we challenge it’s power…suggesting truth might be a liar… The fear of one’s truth is rooted in our faults…usually neglected…misunderstood…misplaced and abandoned… True and understanding is ultimately lost…because we keep making fear…our only choice…Don’t make fear your choice ok.
      Trust me, nothing wrong in the vision of the type of man you’d like to be with……..However, to find that partner of your dreams, you must first become that partner of your dreams. In so doing you will become irresistible to that person that you have been waiting for, whether you haven’t met him yet or whether you’ve been married to them for thirty years! And you know what, WISDOM helps you keep him when you find him.

    • Just saying...

      January 7, 2014 at 7:01 pm

      ‘Wa pe leti omi’ then ( You stay there then)

    • Jesseswife

      January 8, 2014 at 1:25 am

      @Whocares, you said it all!Best comment ever!

    • Oh Puhleese

      January 7, 2014 at 8:57 am


    • Ibinabo

      January 7, 2014 at 9:27 am

      lmao @ “since men are now amadioha and sango that women must worship”

    • Jesseswife

      January 8, 2014 at 1:24 am

      @gidigirl I am feeling you o jare. Why cant partners in a relationship just treat each other the way they want to be treated.Why must women succumb to tricks to get a man to do what they want!But why am I surprised at this write up ?Its coming from a man that grew up in a patriarchal society

    • Switts

      January 10, 2014 at 11:21 pm

      Lwkmddddd please help me ask him. But he made alota sense tho, tbh

  6. Arami

    January 6, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    Wow!…dis s so true…nd he s actually toqin 2 me!

    • Fashionista

      January 7, 2014 at 9:23 am

      Did you really just spell “talking” as toqin?????? it is finished!!

    • SugarSugar

      January 7, 2014 at 11:01 am

      LOOOOOL “Toqin” things!!!! I was shoced too

    • Newbie

      January 7, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Hehehe! lol @it is finished. A comedian once joked that “hands free [cell phone kits] no gree us know who dey mad again”…I say same for text speak, e no gree us know who no sabi spell again!

    • nkem

      January 7, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      @sugarsugar here u are laughing at someone’s mistake and yet u are doing the same thing. now who is laughing at who.

  7. zoey

    January 6, 2014 at 10:43 pm


  8. bsky

    January 6, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    I love

  9. Iyke

    January 6, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    Nice one mate….It’s all about wisdom and partners apply it in their relationship. It takes a wise woman to keep her home.

    • Hadassah

      January 7, 2014 at 6:22 am

      Oh so only woman has to keep her home? I thought it was “their” home ( their being the husband and wife).? I tire for all these one sided advise like men are “supreme beings”

    • Ekwitosi

      January 7, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      @Iyke all this burden that is being placed on the woman is very wrong. Granted it takes two to tango but so much is expected of the woman. What about the man? What role is he supposed to play? For a lot of men they can’t even recognize what they want even if it hits them on the head.
      Can this Skuki tell us how he has prepared or positioned himself for the day he meets the one? Can he give his fellow men advice on what is expected of them for their future partners? This is how women are being prepped left, right and center by family and strangers alike and yet nobody talks about the man. Financial support is not just the end of the matter. If you make a lot of money and you cannot manage it becomes a problem if they mismanagement does not kill you self.
      Women are being castigated everyday yet for a lot of households they are the pillars there in all ramifications. Anyway why wouldn’t a lot of them be when they have been prepared for the role from washing plates in the house to finishing graduate school? Please Skuki publish what is expected of a true man let us all make informed decisions as in men and women alike.
      We might as well start with you Iyke tell us how you have prepared yourself for a woman or how wise you are. Lol!

  10. Leah

    January 6, 2014 at 11:06 pm

    What does virginity have to do with nagging?

    • Nawaforrelationshiptalks

      January 6, 2014 at 11:32 pm

      t was just a suggestion But the way i see it being a married virgin is like that one time some people had their first sexual relationship…. you become sexually and emotionally attached to your husband/partner that you start becoming very paranoid when he does some things …as you feel he should be always focused on you since you kept yourself…but people who have gone through all the baggage/emotional stress that comes with relationships especially sexual ones might have learnt the technique of loving someone but never being too emotionally involved…NB: this is only in SOME cases not all….Im a V myself so learning from all these i guess…hope i made a bit of sense

    • Tee girl

      January 8, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      sweetie, i tire o! looooool.

    • Tee girl

      January 8, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      @Leash. What has virginity got to do with nagging?

  11. Mz Socially Awkward...

    January 6, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    But this relationship counselling “sumtin” seems like an
    untapped gold mine for Naija right now oh… See how like play,
    everyone’s now catching on and using the subject to capture
    interest on social media… Imagine how much money can be made if
    we started organising workshops with entry fee. I’m watching this

    • whocares

      January 6, 2014 at 11:20 pm

      loool. I know right. I tire gan sef. Free entry? Free? No way. At least take payment for coke and fanta.

    • Thatgidigirl

      January 7, 2014 at 12:03 am

      Real gold mine! Do this! Do that! Today Stella, tomorrow charles novia, ahn ahn! We should start a hotline “welcome to the man advisory services, press 1 to learn how to use his remote control….”

  12. oluwaloseyi

    January 6, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    well said skuki……food for thought!!!!

  13. Iyke

    January 6, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    ***Nice one mate…. It’s all about wisdom and how partners apply it in their relationships. Only a WISE woman knows that we are just babies in their embrace. It takes a wise woman,irrespective of her achievements to keep her home.

  14. Chigbo

    January 6, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    Hahahahaha!!!! Feed him and take him for walks and he ll sit!!!

    But who is this man? If he knows all this, why him never marry?

    • O'Kel

      January 7, 2014 at 7:32 am

      He hasn’t found a dog-walker yet…

    • SpiceeAmiee

      January 7, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Hahhahahahahahhahahah…I actually burstedt out laughing while reading this at the office. abeg no let them sack me this early mor mor.

    • Dr. N

      January 7, 2014 at 10:46 am

      Hasn’t found a dog-walker yet? Lol. Hilarious! Hubby n I just had an argument yesterday about whether ALL women are manipulative. I told him saying so was tantamount to saying all men cheat and are dogs. He had a rethink. Now Skuki is preaching manipulation. Can’t stop laughing.

    • c'est moi

      January 7, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      lol…. so hilarious! i couldn’t hold it in. when you listen to single guys talk about marriage, it is written all over. they have no idea what it takes to be a HUSBAND! Just because you’ve held a relationship for 10years doesn’t mean you’ll make a good husband. to men who want to be walked, fed and have their egos massaged, happy searching. I’m glad to have a husband who loves me for who I am and knows that TOGETHER, we can make this ‘thing’ called ‘marriage’ an amazing experience..

    • Purpleicious Babe

      January 9, 2014 at 1:52 am

      looool oooo likes the pun dogwalker..haahha BN commentators


    January 6, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Interesting points.

  16. Guys Perspective

    January 6, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    Tout le monde est maintenant un expert de relation….

    • natty

      January 6, 2014 at 11:38 pm

      English, Young Man

    • whocares

      January 7, 2014 at 12:01 am

      everyone is a relationship expert… I think. lol.

    • Eve82

      January 7, 2014 at 7:33 am

      My January crush!

  17. Chic

    January 6, 2014 at 11:37 pm

    BN don’t you people know how to munch tweets again? Reading them like this is not fun

    • olori Tari

      January 7, 2014 at 12:31 am

      But it is clearly munched though. Ur network, maybe ?

  18. omada

    January 6, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    Can someone start advising men too? I think us chicks have been ‘overadvised’.

    Every other day someone is telling women what to do and how to do it. We don hear…

    • ami

      January 7, 2014 at 2:32 am

      Thanks. Why are women always been asked to compensate for MEN’s fragile EGO. Why is no one advising men on how to keep a good WOMAN. how to be an amazing husband e.t.c.

    • Somebody

      January 9, 2014 at 2:23 am

      Of a truth there is no golden rule any man can concoct from
      his head on relationships that will fit all relationships…..I
      guess why there are more words out there for women than men is coz
      even the bible said ‘the man is the head while the woman,the
      neck’…..No matter how strong that head is,the neck always knows
      how to move it….Women are the pillars of all homes,the man is
      just the head (except for some women who relinquish their God given
      roles for I don’t know what)…Personally,I don’t agree with most
      of what Skuki for one reason: good intention but bad
      execution…..By nature the woman is a complex being with much
      potentials,hence the so many words for women as guidance…The man
      by nature is simple… Haven said that,women BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU

  19. Debee

    January 6, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    He’s making sense

  20. tobenna

    January 7, 2014 at 12:19 am

    His advice is very dumb am sorry…sounds very patriarchal.

  21. good points but.....

    January 7, 2014 at 12:20 am

    just a reminder that not all relationships are the same….what works for u maybe will not work for me…do y’all think about that too?some men are naturally wicked so please…i’ll take few points i feel will work for me.

  22. Endo

    January 7, 2014 at 12:30 am

    Hear, hear! Solid points

    Pls share your endometriosis stories @ Let’s beat endo together!

  23. Curious

    January 7, 2014 at 1:32 am

    This Skuki with his useless, toneless singing is now dabbling into the Dr. Phil sphere abi? E get no kind nonsense wey this new wave of social media and entertainment (combined) no go usher in. I pirry the novices tapping into this his advice because na one chance bus this man dey plan put una inside. Stroke a man, pat his head, rub his belly, massage his intestine, rub powder for im back, blah, blah, and more blahs. This dude need to take several sticky seats (so his ignorant ass stay seated for a while). The truth is there is no hard and fast rule to relationships; what works for Mr. A will not necessarily work for Mr. B. Men claim they want submissive women, yet they dump their submissive wives at home in search of the wild, Brazilian hair wielding, nails-as-claws toting chicks. Why is that Jedi Skuki? Why is it? LMAO! Anyways, I no blame Skuki, as the music business don dey saturated, im wan now begin sell bogus advice to the naive ones. More grease playa! More grease.

    This Iyke dude that loves to help the ladies on here with his antiquated perspective is an unadulterated sexist! He drinks straight from the fountain of sexism. A card carrying member of the sexist brigade. That he is!

    • Idak

      January 7, 2014 at 9:57 am

      As I received,so shall I give;
      Please consider yourself thoroughly e-kissed. It shall be well with you. This new year,you shall discern and conquer. After sending his Mufasah on BBM and groping southie girls on social media he has the guts to come and share relationship tips. Women don suffer!

    • Curious

      January 8, 2014 at 1:34 am

      Ise ohhhh! It shall be well with you as well!

    • Ekwitosi

      January 7, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      My sister abeg follow me see. Both solicited and unsolicited advice is being thrown from every corner. Why go to twitter? He might as well have written an article in an articulate manner then we will know he has written an article. This new medium has turned everyone into a writer.

    • c'est moi

      January 7, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      hahahahahahaaaa! oo my! i can’t stop laughing. you took the words right out of my mouth! thumbs up! Any woman who needs advise on how to be a good wife to her husband should refer to the Bible, Proverbs does justice to that. I can’t believe i spent my time reading through his tweets.. good riddance

  24. Kkkkkkk

    January 7, 2014 at 1:36 am

    You have shared with your female friends… Please share some points with your male friends too.

  25. Fravian

    January 7, 2014 at 2:00 am

    Guess I av 2go find my own man, feed him, take him 4 a long walk…..I bet u, he’ll sit cos its nt gonna b an ordinary walk. Relationship, marriage has no particular way or method. Everybody comes into conclusion as a result of their own xperience. Bt dis days, xperience aint d best teacher animore cos d rate @wch pple go in2 divorce afta attending various marriage cousellin seminar, I conclude dat its a ‘go in and handle it d way it suits u’. A man wants 2b in control, he mst work for
    it, u can’t b dull n at d same tym b d boss or MD. Nah it does work dat way. So also, a woman wants to be luv, she must pay d price.
    Its worked 4 Tuface n Annie doesn’t mean its gonna work 4 Toke n co…..(Jst sayin). U dnt bring d rule in A’s relationship 2 rule urs. My bf luvs me cos am challengin n storng willed wch helps him 2 aim higher in his career dis doesn’t mean Shade shud be lyk me in ha relatnship.
    U get ur man n feed him. If he wanna sit afta d whole feedin n walk fine n if he doesn’t, let him be. Neva change ur positivity 4 some else’s uncertainty. Ladies its high time we learn 2 say yes come in and no get d – out (sowie 4 using d F word).

  26. Bev

    January 7, 2014 at 2:39 am

    Marital advice from a boy who has never been married. Life lessons from a musickshan who might have been tweeting while high.

  27. Bamzi

    January 7, 2014 at 2:47 am

    The way people carry on about how women should submit to men you would think these men were even remotely some sort of demi gods. If u think about it really, at the end of the day there isn’t a whole lot men contribute to our lives apart from the sperm donation for the women who want kids.
    Women make their money these days, can provide shelter for themselves, clothing, mobility, feeding, n can afford other extraneous expenditures in today’s world. Its not like our forefathers’ generations when the men were not only expected to provide but actually did all the provision for their families, and their wives had to submit since they had no choice. Even at that, the wives still did the cooking n taking care of the kids in order to balance out the responsibility. These days women do much more than that by contributing financially. In fact, most men today don’t even want a woman who cannot contribute financially in the home front. They think of them as liabilities. So why are we still expected to bow down to men and massage their egos? Why aren’t we demanding the same from them? What would a world without women be like for these men? Its about time we started demanding equal treatment n respect from men.
    Imagine him saying that wives who let their husbands be get cheated on the least. So you mean that after letting him be he will still cheat on you? After the submissiveness he still cheats? After u might have presented your case gradually and lovingly and massaged his unnecessarily inflated ego he still finds his way to another woman’s honey pot while we sit n look helplessly without challenging him just so that we can be called a good wife?
    Are these men creating the air we breathe or providing the sunlight for our vegetation to grow? To they possess any supernatural powers that women don’t? Are they made from a different kind of dust than we are made from? What am I really missing and why are we encouraging docility in women, especially the african woman? Women need to realize that men need us in their lives more than we need them. All this talk about ego and superiority is them trying to play with our minds cos they know they really are on a weaker spot than we are and unfortunately we are falling for their games. Its really about time we stopped tolerating the crap some of these immature, inferior feeling males try to force on us while hiding behind the hideous mask called their ego. And who says women don’t have egos? some women have bigger egos than men just as there are men who are vainer than women.
    I’ll ask my questions again:
    What are men really contributing to our lives that gives them the right to command our submission n respect? Those two things are earned.. they are not birth rights. And what would a world without women be like for men?

    Ps: Since after being submissive n all that, we still get cheated on then why don’t we go out n cheat too? I mean what is sauce is goose is sauce for the gander ain’t it?
    I know some ppl will come here n say that the Bible requires women to be submissive to their husbands but in that same breath the bible asks the man to love his wife like his body. I doubt any man would want to cheat his body so that means that these men are not keeping up their own side of the bargain. Why the heck should women keep theirs then?
    Rant Over.

    By the way, BN u might want to make this my comment an article on its own. We need to continue this conversation. It would be fun to read people’s responses n opinions on the points I raised. Thanks

    • whocares

      January 7, 2014 at 10:18 am

      I love you. daz all.

    • Vee

      January 7, 2014 at 11:37 am

      Omg I think I’ve found my best friend. I dont do best friends but for you I will 😀 lol
      Everything you have typed here is what every woman needs to know because it depicts the truth!!!
      It’s about time men realize that half of the things they expect from women are to be earned, merited, deserved!!!
      Everything this Skuki fella has said will work for women that have been/are with men with weak feeble egos, and that is why some people agree with the advice he has given because they keep dating SUCH GUYS. It’s about time women wake up and realise that times have changed. No woman should be mislead to with such information! This is why some women complain about losing their identity in marriage. If youre always stroking his ego, where is the time to build up yourself as an individual???
      Women please don’t fall for what Skuki & Iyke are saying, IT IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! And only works for people with only one ambition in life…..BEING A DOOR MAT!

    • Ekwitosi

      January 7, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      @Bamzi like!!!!!!!!!!!

    • lovely

      January 7, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      Omg pls marry me. *tears*

    • Cancel Reply

      January 8, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      @Bamzi attagirl!!!!!!!!!!!!Good response!!

    • Switts

      January 10, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Lwkmddddd please help me ask him. But he made some sense tho, tbh

  28. Bamzi

    January 7, 2014 at 2:49 am

    And No, I don’t hate men. I just believe in the golden rule.

  29. Bamzi

    January 7, 2014 at 2:56 am

    *What is sauce for the goose* BN pls correct the typos n errors if u r going to make the comment an article 🙂

  30. Lapes Beautiful Creature

    January 7, 2014 at 3:01 am

    Very true, sometimes you just have to give guys the illusion that they are in control

  31. True talk

    January 7, 2014 at 3:08 am

    Soooooo true

  32. Onye

    January 7, 2014 at 3:14 am

    absolute nonsense!

  33. Omosexy

    January 7, 2014 at 4:23 am

    Wellsaid skuki….

  34. Idak

    January 7, 2014 at 4:30 am

    Make i hear word joor!
    Coming from this guy (and his brother)whose antics are well known on social media,I insist on binning this message with its messenger.
    Enough of these relationship advice all over the place. How come we all know these ‘truths’ yet rotten and comatose relationships abound all over the place?Don’t these guys practice what they preach?
    Coming from the same guy who gave us the Mufasah pic on BBM, the hypocrisy is striking. Social media are breeding too much overnight motivational gurus. It has do!
    Every time someone is advising women,dem no dey advise men? Na wetin?

  35. Tima

    January 7, 2014 at 5:15 am

    Lord help us all! The truth is, there are no manuals on marriage/relationships. I just believe that both people must first submit to GOD. When a person knows who they are in Christ ( or whoever you have accepted to be the higher power in your life), egos will not come into play in a relationship/marriage. You will mainly be concerned about doing the right things in GOD’s eyes. I think everything else will fall in place.

  36. Tima

    January 7, 2014 at 5:17 am

    The truth is, there are no manuals on marriage/relationships. I just believe that both people must first submit to GOD. When a person knows who they are in Christ ( or whoever you have accepted to be the higher power in your life), egos will not come into play in a relationship/marriage. You will mainly be concerned about doing the right things in GOD’s eyes. I think everything else will fall in place.

    • Jesseswife

      January 9, 2014 at 2:48 am


  37. yummie

    January 7, 2014 at 6:02 am

    Well said skuki….

  38. joygirl

    January 7, 2014 at 6:51 am

    For all those saying his advice is dumb,its unfortunate. True,some men are wicked,some r nt truly in love wit u as a person, but a wise woman shld never settle for such men in her life. If u find a man that has a conscience n truly loves u,then applying these is important, even d bible advices women to b submissive n men to love their wives, so its nt jst abt rules, its always been that way. Now being submissive as a wife doesn’t mean u shld b a mumu, cos d guy will look down on u, but u have to strike that balance smhow n nt obviously rub shoulders wit ur partner. I am married n my hubby is one of d most difficult xters one can work wit,but guess what, cos I’m sure he loves me so much, I let him b d stubborn man he naturally is n I’m proud to say my strength is in my feminity cos he always ends up doing what I want. So pls ladies,dnt mistake being submissive for being foolish,they r totally different. Jst b wise enuf to knw when a man loves u n is worthy of ur respect,then u r good to go n submitting becomes easier. Besides,if u r a strong woman,u shld b wit a stronger man,nt a weakling,u’ll always get irritated n treat him badly n he in turn will look for a lady that respects him.

  39. Arami

    January 7, 2014 at 7:12 am

    Dis is so true ooooo!

  40. Stellamaris

    January 7, 2014 at 7:37 am

    Hmm…..e be lyk say women r so perfectly created dt men dnt nid lessons to handle us cus all d tym its abt how to handle dem,chai,God help us ladies…all d same,its a nice piece,though some men cannot b controlled softly,one wld nid to act d ”iron lady” role b4 dey act accordingly

  41. mama mia!!!

    January 7, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Women learn! Most of what he said is true it’s so not about worshipping them but about being submissive. The strength of anyone is not how much you prove yourself/ strength to one, but how patient you can be in difficult times. A woman can be sweet but firm, does not in any way make her a pushover. I have learnt so much from my aunt and her hubby whom I’m totally in awe of. There was a period (talking years ago) when he was so reluctant to eat any of the workers dishes and my aunt has always been a busy woman he always waited for her to come home before eating. She did it without complaints until she got tired. I was there when she spoke to him in the most gentlest form ever. He was almost in tears when she explained to him how tired she was after work and how much she would want nothing more but to prepare his meals all the time only he had to be patient with her. Mehn, I have taken notes from their relationships cause that man of hers is hooked in love even in their old age I’m talking 70!!!

  42. Fola

    January 7, 2014 at 8:39 am

    Google Chiamanda Adichie’s TED talk on feminism……..,,,,

  43. Fola

    January 7, 2014 at 8:40 am

    Please Google Chiamanda Adichie’s TED talk on feminism and listen……,,,,

  44. Aibee

    January 7, 2014 at 8:51 am

    What I take from Skuki is something that could apply to our relationships with other people. Know when to push your point and when to let go. Even in giving criticism, the sandwich approach is best. It makes your correction more palatable to the other party. You may decide to be rude to your colleagues and friends, even though it isn’t advisable. You don’t live with them. So you can close from work at 6pm and forget about them till 8am the next day. As for your relatives, you may ill-advisedly show a considerable lack of manners in your dealings with them. they are not the ones you wake up next to every morning, you tell yourself.
    But when it comes to your husband, wisdom dictates that you treat him just as you’d want to be treated. With respect and courtesy. There are few things on earth worse than an unhappy marriage.
    Going by the comments on this Article. It seems to me that a lot of us ladies don’t exactly know what being submissive means. Submission shouldn’t be mistaken for subservience.

    • Blessmyheart

      January 7, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      Thank you. What people don’t understand is dt when two egos clash there can never be peace, one person has to give way. I’m trying very much to learn this in my home. I have noticed that when I outrightly argue with my husband, the issue is escalated however, when I talk with him, plead sometimes, I still have my way and everybody is happy. My husband is one of the gentlest person I know but he still has his ego. I’m not the typical ‘submissive’ woman and I always say that both parties have to build their homes but there is still wisdom in, “a wise woman buildeth her home”, Prov 14:1

  45. Ibinabo

    January 7, 2014 at 9:02 am

    hehehehe… i love “Lastly- If truly all men are dogs, then just simply learn to feed him and take him for walks everyday- he’ll Sit”

  46. Fashionista

    January 7, 2014 at 9:19 am

    No. 10 got me rolling on the floor, laughing my head offfffff!

  47. DAMMY

    January 7, 2014 at 9:31 am

    I love d first word …….*Honestly speaking, being a good girl doesn’t automatically mean u’ll be a good wife.(They are 2 diff things entirely*…..Thanks Skuki for your advice….bellanaija ladies please take note.

  48. Bella

    January 7, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Point 10..that one got me ROTF… alrighty then!!! lets get the dog food out, go for a walk and teach the dog a few tricks! I am killed! but to be honest, the rules of this life are simple. Allow and let live, we are both individuals trying to remain that way, no one wants to lose their identity in a marriage or relationshiop, we are one in planning but we have our own lives to develop too, we are not Siamese twins nor do we have one brain, one body in love yes but don’t control, we have two different brains to equal one easy solution.

  49. bimpy

    January 7, 2014 at 10:58 am

    He honestly said the truth. It is not by force to accept his expressed view/opinion about keeping a home or relationship. But remember that the Bible says wives should honour their husbands. Even God knew before our creation that some wives might end up being well to do than their Husbands, but because he knew that there will still be need for the woman to respect her crown in person of her Husband, he ORDERED us to respect them(men). So there is shouldn’t be any argument. Most Some babes don’t have the idea that keeping thier homes is 60% their responsibility.

  50. bimpy

    January 7, 2014 at 10:59 am

    He honestly said the truth. It is not by force to accept his expressed view/opinion about keeping a home or relationship. But remember that the Bible says wives should honour their husbands. Even God knew before our creation that some wives might end up being well to do than their Husbands, but because he knew that there will still be need for the woman to respect her crown in person of her Husband, he ORDERED us to respect them(men). So there is shouldn’t be any argument. Most Some babes don’t have the idea that keeping their homes is 60% their responsibility.

    • Jane Public

      January 7, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      In all your rant, not once did you type out what the man should do for you. It is what you should for him. Remember that The Biblew as written in patriachal times. The Bible ORDERED you to do this, what about what the man was ORDERED to do. Brain washing is real. You ended up ith 60% your responsibility. Again more work for the woman. Since you have made it about religion, lets stay there. Both the man and woman took vows in Church. I have been to enough weddings in my lifetime and never have I heard the Pastor or Priest say, oh ye man these vows you are taking are 40%, woman your own is 60%. In case I am wrong, point it out. The Lord is not partial, neither is He one sided. Vows are 50% for each person. Each person should make the effort to keep their home. Keeping the home is the responsibility of both of them equally. Now I know why Nigerian men cheat on their wives and treat them like crap. I mean, if you are only giving the man 40%, why should he even try. You have set him up to fail you and fail your marriage from the onset. 40% is not pass mark anywhere. If he knows you have already allocated him fail mark, why should he even try at all. If you know your lecturer will not award you 50%, why bother studying for the exam.

  51. Bella Noire

    January 7, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Igbe eran…

  52. D'Mamma

    January 7, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Hmm! Who is this guy? #wisdom #straightFromTheHeart

  53. Curious

    January 7, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    …And the funny, or would I say pathetic thing is women on here are calling this nonsensical drivel wisdom, na there you go take know sey wahala dey! When someone is trying to convince you to cheat yourself, you dey hail the person, dey encourage am…then when the shit hits the fan, the same women will start looking for sympathy, SMH!

  54. Sunshine

    January 7, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    Bella Naija why not just create a new page/blog on your website called ‘Sh*t people feel Nigerian women need to hear’, and post all these marriage this and husband that articles on there; so those of us that actually visit your site for sensible posts can do so in peace. So tired of these half-baked single and married women bashing articles labeled as ‘relationship advice’, and the even more offensive comments that follow. I know these types of posts bring a lot of traffic to your site, but can we at least change the narrative and stop making it seem as if the ONLY thing we think about is how to get and keep a man? Thank you and have a blessed 2014.

  55. Disco diva

    January 7, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    @idak: I think I’m in love with you. You always make sensible comments. Sensible people are hard to find these days.

  56. Advice for the MARRIED

    January 8, 2014 at 9:43 am

    Married ladies, please don’t be moved by the words these single ladies are spewing.
    Experience is the best teacher. When they get there, they will understand.

    You want peace in your home? Prov 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger

    Fire-fire approach can never win any thing.

    @ Bless my heart, without knowing you from Adam, i know you are a good wife.

    I love my wife more now!
    Mere looking at her gentleness, makes me never want to cheat on her. (if a temptation ever came)
    Her softness gives me guilty conscience to ever try to do anything against her
    Always asking what will you eat, what this what that? And that spurs me to do more for her and even the house chores.
    Cant wait to close and go hug her
    love you my baby

    • who cares

      January 9, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      really Mr adviser, so this scripture is meant for only women abi? cos you are a man you have the right to get angry but the woman does not…..a man can get angry and vibrate but the woman has to always be gentle……the bible says men love your wives like Christ love the church, how much sacrifice and love have you shown your wife? how much shit do you allow her get away with and still love her the way God even forgave the isrealites? i bet you if you caught your wife in adultery you will take her back to her parents but if you are the one you will beg and by default she is expected to forgive you…..that school of thought is man made which gives men the right to get away with alot but not the woman…. how much more shit does she tolerate from you than you do from her? yes we understand submission is not being a fool but you are here confirming the same things we have all being saying……men expect the women to give more in the marriage and massage your swollen egos at all times…that is not the bible and the way God meant it…..go back read your bible and note how Christ loved the church then you will know that you men need more lectures than we women do….enough of putting all the work to make marriage work on the woman…yes am married, 8 years and still going strong and i also know the areas my hubby knows not to take me for granted….more men need to be told how they should also hold up their marriages by also giving their 50% not every tom dick and harry coming to tell women how to give 80%

  57. DrLove

    January 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    I am in my 30’s I have been married and I am now divorced (he was abusive and yes I did submit to some extent) But let me tell you the honest to God’s truth! WOMEN!!!!!! You do NEED to APPLY WISDOM! And unfortunately so YES!!! It is a WISE WOMAN THAT DOES KEEP her HOME! I am not saying be a fool let a man ride over you or do not have your say but apply what? WISDOM!!!
    Unfortunately to all my young independent ladies out there I have been you, and I am still you (just a little older a few more relationships and experience but still a fiercely independent Wise Woman) and I can advise that you can be you in your relationship or Marriage but my dear, Dears Marriage is not a joke or a game.
    Marry your Brother! And when I mean Brother I mean if you are a true Christian Marry your Brother in Christ! By doing so you both have a clear understanding of what it takes to be married and a true man of God is going to Love, RESPECT, Protect, Provide, cherish, nourish and love his wife! So submitting to this kind of man who would also be a man you love, admire and respect would not be hard because you have that mutual admiration, love and respect for each other and yes women we need to have a certain level of tolerance.
    Marry your friend you hear??? Are you listening?? Marry your friend! Marry someone you can be yourself with, talk to and accepts you for you and understands the type of Woman you are. A man who encourages you understands your dreams, your ambitions and aspirations.
    Understand Men do not change even with the love of a good woman they may keep certain behaviours on the low out of respect but trust me men rarely change!! Do not go in to Marriage expecting to change a man are you Mother Theresa?? Trust me they will NOT CHANGE! So if this man has certain behaviours you know you cannot tolerate DO NOT MARRY THE MAN! Because once you are his wife that is it! It would be a case of you knew this but you still married him!!!
    You do not have to prove your point every time you just do not have to do this!! Pick your battle that is where we as women apply wisdom! Pick your battles not everything is a fight or a chance to prove your point okay. Sometimes we do have to turn a blind eye or cast our eyes away from certain issues because let me tell you the English man’s say’s his home is his castle! If the Castle is hot my dears he go run leave am for you and your children’s ooh! Make your home a place of peace where you both can live in peace and be happy! Choose your battles Women apply Wisdom! It is a wise woman that keeps her home you hear??
    Women are naturally the nurturer (we can’t escape this we just need to accept it) men feed in to the feminine side of us woman please do try to keep it lady like as much as you can! I know we can get Gangster sometimes (and some men love it!) but not always you hear keep it lady like.
    We need to treat our man like the king of the Castle we just have too. There is nothing wrong in doing this or pandering to your husband’s ego there is nothing wrong in doing that at all, after all is he not yours as you are his? It does not make you a mumu wife that does it all for her husband it just makes you a wise wife who loves her husband and her happy home. He also should be treating you like a Queen if not there is an issue!
    There is nothing wrong in depending on your husband make him feel you need him, him too cannot live without you and needs to depend on you too. After all you are are his mate of life the women he has chosen to be with until death do u part!

    • Cancel Reply

      January 8, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      I am sure you treated your man “like the the king of the Castle” but he still hit you?????Okay na!
      Respect, RESPECT is key relationships. Because of our patriarchal society, men are used to lording over women and they want women to keep nursing their ego. Both the man and woman in the relationship have to treat each other like royalty. The onus is not only on the woman to treat her husband like king. Your wife is your partner, she is the love of your life and not a primary school child that needs to nurse your ego . Mutual respect is key in all relationships. Men get away with this “their ego needs to be stroked” just because. A man doesn’t have two heads!A man is not better than a woman and vice versa!Treat each other with respect!Love your wife, love your husband!PERIOD!!!!!

      And Skuki can kiss my a** with his advice!!!

    • DrLove

      January 9, 2014 at 12:52 pm

      Actually no i did not treat him like the king of the castle. I ignored the warning signs with regards to the abuse and thought i could change him. And if you read what i said “He also should be treating you like a Queen if not there is an issue!

    • MadamTheMadam

      January 9, 2014 at 12:54 pm

      You sound soo angry and bitter!

    • whocares

      January 9, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      @madamthemadam.. she sounds angry and bitter because she advocated for mutual respect and love in a relationship, and rejects relationships that do not have those characteristics? Yes that is truly the mark of a bitter soul. Cancel Reply how do you cope with all the bitterness you carry about?

  58. kike Jay

    January 8, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Been a strong woman does not mean you cannot be submissive, and been submissive does not mean you are weak. I am a mother of 2 and I have had ups and down in my marriage, but with God’s guidance, we are still going strong, I am writing this comment with my husband by my side. He loves me and I love him, we know sometimes, habits make us disagree, but that is what marriage is about, overcoming obstacles together. I would like this gentleman SKUKI, to add another post for the men, so some girls don’t feel cheated. He has taken the task upon himself, he should complete it.

  59. kike Jay

    January 8, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    @ tee girl, he is not saying virginity has anything to do with nagging, he is just saying been a wife is more than been a good girl, been a good wife requires not just self control or discipline, it requires patience and wisdom, which if a woman thinks she is perfect because of her chastity, then she might refuse to learn in other aspects of a marriage

  60. Biesolah

    January 8, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    BN pls work on the like button this year. Tanx in anticipation.

  61. Cancel Reply

    January 8, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    Everyone with a twitter account can kukuma become love expert! Osi koshi!

  62. who cares

    January 9, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    bullcrap…men will always be giving advice on how women should treat them…..who told you women who let their husbands be get cheated on less? there is no foolproof to a cheating hubby… give them sex 3 times a day and they cheat you dont give them they cheat….men are generally self- centered and only a few do not take advantage of their women….complain about legit things and you are nagging, the worst is when you find out the man is cheating… u remain calm and pray while he continues till he is tired, meanwhile a man catches his wife cheating and he goes haywire…how come men do not do all the things they expect to the woman, doesn’t she have feelings as well? sick and tired of reading what men want while the men carry on with cheating, irresponsibility, emotional abuse and all kind of crap yet the woman is always meant to be cool, kind, submissive, dont nag, cook, never get angry bla bla bla……

    • whocares No 1

      January 9, 2014 at 4:18 pm

      Kileleyi? Change your name biko. loool

    • who cares 2 now big mama

      January 10, 2014 at 11:15 am

      hahaha..u actually got me lol cos i told myself the original whocares shall surely reply….i had already sent a reply when i read your comment…..

  63. Grace

    January 11, 2014 at 3:09 am

    I think the writers advise is one sided- addressing just the women. My response is based on the one himself who created marriage and that is where truth comes from. God.
    Marriage will not be what it is today if everyone plays their role.
    God said to husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. if you don’t know how Christ loves the church get yourself a bible. Good’s encounter with the Israelites is a mouthful to read and he kept forgiving them. In the new testament his love is also displayed to us. if men will actually heed God’s advice by being the head, love the wife unconditionally, protect her and be ready to give yourself up for her many marriages will not be in shambles today.
    we should not encourage bad behaviour especially from African men. yeh a woman should be wise and submissive but submission is easy especially if you know whom you are submitting to love you to bits. many of the marital problems arise because especially nija men are tryin to push their responsibility of holding the marriage and demonstrating love to come from the woman and that is a recipe for disaster.

  64. Amaka

    January 11, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Please what is Skuki’s full name? Thanks!

    • kike Jay

      February 1, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      Atewo Laolu-Ogunniyi. He studied law in the university, but now he is doing Peeshawn evrywhere

  65. Jesus baby

    January 11, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    As far as God himself who is the most important person in this world and the only perfect one does not have an ego then there is no justification for a man to have one. You can have self value and confidence not an egotthat will cause problems for your life and others around you. Selfishness and self centred Ness

  66. mschief

    January 11, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Submission is actually a sign of strength. All these arguments still boils down to the foundation. If you marry some1 grounded in God, he will love you like only God can and you will submit only because you live your life to please your maker. But when you marry with the intent of doing it your own way, then trouble starts. Besides, it’s easy. Do not marry if you haven’t found someone who loves you enough to make it easy for you to submit. One major characteristics of love is patience and a characteristic of submission is love. God was simply telling us to love and submit to one another. My mum is a strong independent woman but quite submissive, we all know she is the boss of the house and my parents love themselves to bits. If my mum can have the marriage she has by being submissive, then I don’t mind following in her footsteps.

  67. pacesetter

    March 7, 2014 at 6:34 am

    This comment is coming rather late as I’ve only just read through this but as the old English adage goes, rather late than never……. I thought it’ll be just right to drop a few lines to clarify some things on the subject matter. Undisputed, both parties (man and woman) need to make efforts to make a relationship work. Skuki has not advised that all the responsibility be on women, he has only advised ways to keep a man sweet (from a mans’ perspective). I find his advice 100% valid, I’m a man myself and know what I want from a woman and won’t compromise standards. I can see from some comments I’ve read on here that some women would rather interest themselves in competing with their husband(s) rather than complimenting him. It’s my duty as the man to cater to my wife’s needs, myself as well as other responsible men out there understand this. However, any woman that takes to the advise given by Skuki has got my mumu button. I’ll cross the red sea for her even without thinking of the risk involved. I can guaranty it’s the same with a good 99.99% of all other sane men out there. Ladies, you might want to indulge and watch for results rather than coming on here ranting like you’re in a competition with men.

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