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Komi Olori Agulonu: Choose Your Friends Wisely

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It was Saturday morning and there I was sitting beneath the only hair dryer in a tiny salon on the east side of my city. Although it has been spring for at least two weeks, the morning was still chilly like the sun was afraid to shine after its long hibernation (October-March). To pass the time, I casually flipped through an aged fashion magazine, silently willing my hair to dry faster so I could return to my weekend activities.

I was nearing the end of my ‘blast from the past’ magazine when a lady walked into the salon. She was well dressed, obviously well to do and she seemed to know my stylist quite well because unlike the lukewarm greeting of a nonacquaintance, this customer was greeted with a bear hug and plenty smiles. In a matter of seconds, the ladies were chatting about anything and everything.

From their conversation, I gleaned that they had grown up in the same neighbourhood in Lagos; perhaps not quite friends at home, they had quickly bonded when they found each other in a foreign land. Back and forth, they chatted about common friends, former neighbours, relatives and I must have drifted off briefly despite the heat of the dryer because the next time I paid them any mind, Bimpe (as my stylist called her) was moaning about her husband.

Apparently, her husband had recently started work at a new company; one of those high paying multinationals where their employees always seemed to be living in fast forward and part of his job role was to network like his life depended on it. According to her, although the money from this new job was very generous, it seemed that her husband was enjoying the social outings a little too much. In a very short time, he had made new friends (other super networkers) who in Bimpe’s mind were encouraging him to drink more, spend more time with the ‘boys’ and not help out at home or with the children as much as he used to when he had had just an average paying job.

“Haaa You are nice oh!” Our hair stylist exclaimed

“I am surprised you are still in that house with him” she said. Her fingers making short work as she curled her friend’s hair.

“You are complaining about him mixing with bad friends! Do you know if they have introduced him to a girlfriend? Maybe that is why he is even changing sef? “You better be sharp and leave the house for him before he gives you one of these diseases flying around- AIDS is real” she concluded solemnly

At this point, I had almost fallen out of my chair and the ‘Aproko’ in me was paying full attention. ‘What is this woman on about? I asked myself. How had the woman’s complaint suddenly gone from keeping bad friends to HIV/AIDS? ‘Hian!’ talk about exaggeration! But of course I couldn’t say anything – after all, were they speaking to me?

Anyway, soon Bimpe’s hair was fully curled and she took her leave – no longer as cheerful as when she had come into the shop. She hadn’t even driven away when the stylist hissed loudly.

“Look at her complaining about her husband. That he is making good money and giving her love is not enough ehn?” She asked obviously angry.

To say I was shocked is putting mildly as I starred at this woman baffled. It was indeed a light bulb moment. ‘So she had purposely given Bimpe bad advice because of her jealousy’. As much as I hadn’t liked her stance, I had thought she was simply a pessimist or at worst an alarmist who liked to make a mountain out of nothing.

“She has everything and she has the mouth to talk? Nonsense! Let her ask me whether my husband even has a job or am I enjoying and standing on my feet in this salon every morning till night? The tirade continued.

“Let her pack out and come and see how it is on the other side” Oloshi ara e (foolish person)

Dear readers, I will not bore you with the other malicious things that this stylist spouted that day but by the time she was done with my hair, my ears were full. I had allowed her talk, to expose the depth of her malice towards this innocent woman who called her friend and in the process, she also taught me a lesson that I can never forget.

First, second and last rule is to avoid talking about your home or personal life with anyone simply because you think they are your friend. Many times, we unknowingly share details of our lives during idle or casual chats that encourage others to contribute their two pence. Now I know why the average ‘oyinbo’ will rather talk about the weather or sports than himself. Remember, things are not always as they seem and even those who smile and laugh with you can hate you so much that they only want the worst for you. If ever you feel like you must share, please choose your confidants wisely because as my old school girls will say,

‘Friends are bad’

I would love to hear your views on sharing with friends or any good or bad experiences you may have had with sharing your challenges with people.

Photo Credit: corbis.com
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Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and business analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, handmade, African inspired costume jewellery sold in the United Kingdom. You can follow her on twitter @komeolori or email her at [email protected]

Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and trade finance analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, African inspired costume jewellery sold online in the United Kingdom. You can read more of her writing on her blog: www.shedarestosucceed.com Connect with her via twitter @komeolori or email her at [email protected]

55 Comments

  1. Bella

    March 20, 2014 at 10:27 am

    This is so true, especially since most of the talk is done at nails salons, hair salons etc. Women tend to feel more relaxed in an all women environment but like the writer said, if you must talk either choose your words carefully or saying nothing personal. People will always be green about other people and worse if they are being of service to you. Have learnt this hard and fast and firsthand, short to say now, all I say is good stuff about my marriage, so they go die with jealousy! but also that means am breathing positive vibe into my life, future and marriage. These salon people sef!

  2. eesha

    March 20, 2014 at 10:37 am

    My dear Komi, friends are really bad indeed. I have very few friends in fact i can count them on one hand, its not because i can’t have plenty friends but i don’t want the drama associated with them especially lady friends even the ones i have i don’t share intimate details with after all, that’s why my mum and sister are there if i want to share any details. Although not all friends are bad but its better to limit your association with them,that your closest friend is another person’s closest friend and the cycle goes on and on till that secret or complaint you innocently let out will come back to haunt when half the city knows what’s going on with you.

    • nwa babii

      March 20, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      @eesha I LOVE YOU…you said it best..everything u said is SPOT ON 100% …yes, not all friends are bad. BUT if there is anything I have learnt, it is to have the one friend you can absolutely share things with and confident it wont go around while you strive to be the same. Admittedly, some people mean well when they tell people or divulge information about u to others, and this could be because they want to get different viewpoints and help u… however, I feel that if you do not want people to know something, it means you should not tell anybody..

  3. sommaola

    March 20, 2014 at 10:40 am

    this is a perfect example of how women pull down women…… long ago have i kept to your advice…… and i don’t have any intention of letting go any time soon.

    • nwa babii

      March 20, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      same here mehn…I have recently stuck to this… I was telling my bro’s girl the other day that I dont know how she does it with so many best friends..That the only best friend I would ever have is my future husband or my sister

  4. Busarni

    March 20, 2014 at 10:58 am

    @eesha; gbam: ” your closest friend is another person’s closest friend”. You said it all.

  5. Dr. N

    March 20, 2014 at 11:01 am

    Not every acquaintance is a friend, simple! In salons n other public places, I listen more n volunteer little. Besides, evil communication corrupts good manners. See how d lady left, depressed. drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  6. Warri Babe

    March 20, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Na wa o, shooo? That lady is terrible, as mumc would say inu ni ka (the mind is desperately wicked). God have mercy, I learnt this lesson from someone else’s experience and also came to the conclusion that guys are better friends than ladies (my opinion), they would listen and proffer their honest advice. Notwithstanding, family gist isn’t for public consumption, that’s why it’s called ‘personal’. 80% of people you tell your gist to are happy you’ve got issues, 20% don’t really care, wisdom is profitable to direct.

    • christy

      March 20, 2014 at 5:04 pm

      Rite ON!

  7. Vicky Omifolaji

    March 20, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Nice write up. It’s is always a good idea not to triangulate in your relationship. Opening doors to outsiders wether friends or family members is a bad mistake which is why there are counsellors, psychologists and physiotherapist who are there to provide a non judgemental support and advice, to help you see areas that you are finding difficult to see.

  8. Zii

    March 20, 2014 at 11:17 am

    My life turned around when I made God my confidant and my husband my best friend. I ve been through a lot in the minds, hands and mouths of my “true friends”.

  9. Leggy

    March 20, 2014 at 11:18 am

    First of all, the average Oyibo loves to talk about themselves…A LOT!! Do you know how many times a white person I didn’t know all that well told me their life story and about their love/sex lives? It’s only in Nigeria that we have this culture of don’t tell anybody, don’t say anything. The culture of silence. Yes, know who your friends are and act according but don’t shut up about your pain Biko, you should always have a friend to talk to or else you’ll die in silence and your pain will come to the burial and say you enjoyed it.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 20, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      I say “yep” to what you’ve typed out. Oyibo people love to gist you their life history and we’re very closed-mouthed in comparison. Yes, we should be wise in sharing but we need to share more. Too many people carrying serious emotional burdens like road-side agberos …

    • BC

      March 23, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      Totally agree about White’s sharing more personal details than we do. They can tell you everything upon meeting you the first time. That is part and parcel of the way Caucasian women befriend others-by opening up to you early. Good observation.

    • osan

      April 14, 2014 at 5:18 pm

      Very true. I think we, Nigerians, esp the west are extremely secretive. A neighbour just died, all the wife needed to do was ask for N20k for his test at the hospital, I am sure people would have helped, my mu, for one.
      Oyibo will tell you their life’s secret, but they don’t give a damn, all the people you choose to gist later. Lets just not worry ourselves with what people say, obviously we exercise discretion as to who we divulge our affairs to, but, people will always talk. I am happy to see people succeed, so I talk about other people’s succesess, that’s how it should be, not pulling down.

  10. linda

    March 20, 2014 at 11:29 am

    yes, its true i strongly agree with your comments, i have a friend like that, she said something that wasn’t encouraging at all in the past so since then i decided not to tell her about my personal experiences and other details, friends are not worth keeping for me anymore jare…….

    • nwa babii

      March 20, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      but the fact that she said sth that wasnt encouraging in the past, that does not alone mean that she is a bad friend. She probably was well intentioned but it came out wrong…we all stumble in speech many times. In fact there are ones with carefully chosen words and so encouraging yet, they do not have your best interest at heart. I say this cos I know one who belongs to a group of friends and she is so encouraging to them when around them but dang she calls me and tears them apart and does the exact same thing the salon woman in the article did.. Do not be too quick to dismiss people my dear

  11. buky

    March 20, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Wickedness of the highest order, the heart of man is desperately evil. People should always learn to stand and fight for their marriage no matter what (as far as he is not beating you ooo, that one is a battle on bended knees), marriage is sacred, it not a relationship you can easily leave when things get tough. Whenever you need advice PLEASE pray to God for that.

  12. Iris

    March 20, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    This deviates a little from the point. Has anyone else noticed how we (women) may call out other women’s bad qualities or behaviour to our boyfriends but guys seem to do it less about other guys?

    • Someone

      March 20, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      Until we learn to stop hating on each other, men will never take us seriously. You can not hunger for feminism n yet pull other women down, if men will ever hear us, we need to stop with the back biting n gossip.

  13. pynk

    March 20, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    It’s best to keep you issues to yourself and take them to God with you partner in tow. People want your life without understanding it and sometimes people just don’t want your happiness, misery loves company.

  14. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/

    March 20, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    The hair stylist is a wicked person and in no way a friend. I agree that some friends can be pure evil but I always ask people to choose their friends very wisely and be wise in their dealings with them, lest in the near future you’ll have some stories that touch the heart to share. KNOW YOUR FRIENDS. I have friends that I love to the moon and back but I would never share some details of my life with. I have friends that love me to the moon and back but I know are inherently evil/jealous/mean. These ones I never ask advice for because their hearts are not pure.

    And as the last paragraph says, not everyone that smiles with you wishes you well. Little did I know that when I started my blog one of my supposedly close friends was really jealous and dropped several mean comments under Anonymous. By herself she came and admitted it to me. Although I’d felt instinctively that it was only someone who knew me personally that would make such hateful comments, I never imagined it would be her!

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

    • Dr. N

      March 20, 2014 at 5:23 pm

      Onye arurala! Kai! Hope u forgave her n dropped her like hot coal?

  15. Bleed Blue

    March 20, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    I think as you grow (in age and stage), your circle of confidants just naturally shrinks…no bad blood needed…somehow you just KNOW when you’ve crossed a bridge and someone else is consciously or subconsciously behind you at the far end of the river.

    On some other post, I commented about my “friend” who strongly believes a man who beats his girlfriend/wife is just showing true love; because after all if he didn’t care he would just ignore you, abi? Trust me, I tried to connect with her to make her see reason on this issue and quite a few other alarming beliefs she had, all to no avail. It turned out our conversations were leaving me drained of all positivity.
    So with these types, one just sort of finds that as there is less and less in common and you’re not mentally in the same place, it’s to waka go be dat.

    My current circle of friends is a tiny circle indeed and I love them fiercely. Nobody is perfect so we’ve had our issues here and there but all in all, I can say my girls have thus far proved to be a worthy bunch.
    Like if you cut them, I bleed. And if you cut me, they bleed. And we all bleed blue baby! 🙂

    • Cleo

      March 20, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      True word my dear…some people should be let go off…not everyone may be happy for you some may not realize it but jealously would set in…

  16. Jane public

    March 20, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    The one thing I have to say (call me a snob if you like, that is not the angle I am coming from) is why discuss your husband with your hairdresser? “friends” or not? Like seriously. Why? Beyond your weekly or monthly visits to the salon, do you guys talk? Have you asked her how she is doing? Chances are you don’t know where she lives. Have you seen something in a store and thought oh, she would like this and you dropped off a gift for her to cheer up and continued on your day? Have you called her and said, oh lets do lunch, or lets go shoping? No. So, how does she become your “friend” worthy enough to discuss marital problems with? We can be too casual with our lives sometimes and are the ones that expose ourselves to the destructive power of jealousy and envy.
    You are rubbing it in her face (albeit unknowingly) that your husband has this fab job, oh so you would think she would hug you and commisurate with you about the lack of attention you are getting from hubby. Really?????? How can she understand your problems? Someone who will give her right arm to be in your shoes.
    My mother always told me something. Never share your complaints with someone who will wish they had your complaints, so you don’t get jealousy induced bad advice. Even if they didn’t really mean to say that, jealousy has a way of turning even good people to devils, all in a bid to take away that which you have. Jealousy is one of the 7 deadly sins for a reason. Don’t underestimate its power and don’t expose yourself unnecessarily – Mama’s words.
    If on face value you represent the grass is greener on the other side life, it is best you just keep quiet about it and find someone who is at your level who will at least understand. It is not a snob, social class thing (hey money must not always be involved) but so you don’t come across to the other person as complaining about this life they wish they had. Put their feelings about your complaints into perspective before you decide to rant.
    It is like complaining about your children to a woman who has fertility problems. Like Seriously. If she gives you bad advice, you were asking for it.
    Finally, about oyinbo people not discussing their lives, you have never been around them for too long I am guessing. Oyinbo people can share for Africa. I know 2 people at work right now having fertility problems and one has a husband who has low sperm count because of a childhood illness. Ngwanu, the day she told me I wanted to enter the ground. We all know how many IVF cycles they have gone through, we know about the failures, miscarriages, how it is affecting their marriages, I tell you. It took a lot of getting used to because I was not used to it, coming from a Nigerian background where nobody says anything.
    In conclusion, I agree with you, choose your friends wisely. Not everyone you call friend, calls you a friend.

    • Dr. N

      March 20, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      My dear, friendship is an art. We need to learn to be interested in others genuinely. I concur with u. One lady I met who seemed to share common interests never followed up. I visited, called, she did not. Recently, we met after 3 months. I was expecting her to ask me how we could hook up. All she cared to do was conscript me into her network marketing biz! How many friendships have broken when that biz failed. Mtchewww! I hurried away. Delete!

    • Energy bill

      March 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      “You are rubbing it in her face (albeit unknowingly) that your husband has this fab job, oh so you would think she would hug you and commiserate with you about the lack of attention you are getting from hubby. Really?????? How can she understand your problems? Someone who will give her right arm to be in your shoes”

      “Never share your complaints with someone who will wish they had your complaints”

      “It is like complaining about your children to a woman who has fertility problems. Like Seriously. If she gives you bad advice, you were asking for it”

      Thank you! You just saved me the bother of typing an epistle. Everyone saying the the hairdresser is a bad friend, no she isn’t. Imagine you were jobless and you had this friend always moaning about her job? Bimpe got the advise she asked for and deserves.

    • Jane Public

      March 20, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      ” Imagine you were jobless and you had this friend always moaning about her job.” EXACTLY!!!!!!!! What kind of sympathy are you expecting from the person. At least that is one of the reasons why we share, to get sympathy, empathy, understanding, advice and all that jazz.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 20, 2014 at 8:26 pm

      Babes, me sef was also astounded by how oyibo peeps can just be freely sharing with you (a work colleague) about their fertility related matters!

      A lovely gal I haven’t worked with for too long told us from the jump once they started trying for a baby and got the negative news. She’d tell us when they had appointments, what the verdict was, how she and her husband are deciding to proceed… I was amazed, after getting so accustomed to the Naija way of keeping such things extremely private. So when she eventually got pregnant, how excited were we? It was like my own sister overcame that hurdle & I can do now is pray for God to see her and the baby all the way through (& of course, she’s told us her EDD, thus aiding the firing of my prayers).

      I have Naija sister-friends that I hope can also describe me as an open book with them. And “yes!” to the question of going out and buying gifts just because, arranging catch-up lunches, etc. Friendships are worth their measure in gold when you invest wisely in the good ones you have…

    • nwa babii

      March 21, 2014 at 3:26 am

      “Friendships are worth their measure in gold when you invest wisely in the good ones you have…” 100% you get sense die
      @Jane public u kind of brought another perspective to the whole issue and I agree with you

      But the thing is that everybody’s problem is different. While u wish u were in another person’s shoes, the person currently walking in those shoes worries as well and there just is something u have that they may wish they had too

  17. Hauwa Dauda

    March 20, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    The truth is a woman will only leave her marriage if she wants to if Bimpe is going to leave her marriage it won’t have anything to do with her frenemy.

  18. ANTI-FAKENESS

    March 20, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    hmmm. This is the reality of the world we live in. Wickedness prevail. i have had a series of friends who have shown me their other sides. Its mind boggling because a particular one used to discuss me with all and sundry, including her husband. She will come to me with all sorts of advise and ‘them say’ and go to him with all sorts. He will spill to people and it will get to me. I cut off from her and knew peace. its amazing how spiteful and evil people can be. Needless to say, she does that to everyone and now has no friends because everyone is wary of her and her gossip loving husband. Fear ‘friends’ who have nothing good to say about anyone because when your back is turned, they will have nothing good to say about you too

  19. Free Mind

    March 20, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    It is better to be on your own (OYO) than to have bad friends. Always had issues with trust though!

  20. C*Witty

    March 20, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    i believe in sharing and talking about the challenges we face either to friends, family, colleagues, acquaintance or even strangers but i advice you be smart to know the best advice to take for any situation, because believe me your bestfriend or family can give you the bad advice not out of jealousy but maybe because they have not been in your situation or they have been in your shoes and have overcome the challenge in their own way but then it doesn’t work for you that way depending on who’s involved. we are all humans, we act differently and we make terrible mistakes but still share your challenges. Most times i have this attitude of talking about any challenge i face or anytime i feel bad about something,i talk to the next person beside me (sometimes its someone i just met), i get a bit relieved, just talking about it. whatever advice i get good/bad, i still get to decide what approach to take because i’ll be held responsible for my actions, and whatever they decide to do with what i talked about after i have shared it is their problem and it defines them not me but then most times i find it in my head that i already have solutions to these challenges but then like i said i get this relief talking about them.

  21. Mary Cole

    March 20, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    God, is the best person to turn to every time. You might have one very close confidant, but, table whatever advice/s you are given in God’s presence, and quietly listen to Him. Align yourself to a good Bible teaching church, talk to your Pastor, especially when physical abuse is involved. God said love your spouses as you love yourselves, and treat them as you would treat yourselves. Above all, God should be the centerpiece of every relationship, He won’t disappoint when the critical situation crops up. God bless you all.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 20, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      I hear what you’re saying but Jesus also laid a lot of emphasis on friendships and relationships while He was here on earth. He referred to His disciples as “friends” & always asked their opinions on teachings and events. And when He eventually left, He encouraged them to remain together as a well knit group.

      I know that God is the primary consultant for those of us who believe but we also can’t go wrong with cultivating close friendships.

  22. ISO

    March 20, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Some People Are Just Jealous Instead Of Advicing Her U are Poisoining Her Mind.

  23. lilz

    March 20, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Friends have made me wise..

  24. Isi 1

    March 20, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    hmm!

  25. Blessmyheart

    March 20, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Interestingly, I saw a Yoruba movie last night which centered on how a woman put herself into trouble because she was always raving about her husband’s good qualities. I realized that I boast about my husband a lot, I never tell any of my friends about his imperfections. I think I need to just reduce talking about my private life. I really don’t understand people that complain about their spouses to outsiders especially in public places like salons. No marriage is perfect, thank God for what you have and keep praying for what you desire.

  26. Babytohcute

    March 20, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    I learnt this sometime back, “a woman doesn’t wash her dirty laundry in public”. I kinda keep a small company because trust is not my strongest virtue and a friend says “you’re not social”….. Me being careful and having small company or friends does that make me anti-social?
    Plus I do that because I don’t like people being up in my business. And it’s kinda impossible to have a friend that shares and you don’t share.
    This is a beautiful piece. The heart of man is indeed wicked. The Lord shall guide and protect us all.

  27. always happy

    March 20, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    lol….. this is what ma people we call “AIYE” ……. its been in our so called Nigerian culture for years and not to be ethnically biased but hmmm we all know its more prevalent in * cough, wink , sneeze ” in some communities than others. At the end of the day, some women too like to dey divulge just to feel good about themselves or their husbands so they can be perceived a certain way. Be it naively or intentional, don’t deceive yourselves , close your mouth like ziplock and if you must share, be discerning, be wise! ( Haterade is not only consumed by outsiders even insiders partake too)

  28. natty

    March 20, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    I have a personal rule concerning friends. If you speak ill of others to me, then I cut you off because you will also do the same to me.
    I met one while doing my masters, evil little thing. Even going as far as destroying other people relationships because she wasn’t getting any attention.
    Unluckily for her, her friends noticed on time and everyone jejely cut off from her.

    • Just Me

      March 21, 2014 at 11:59 am

      I agree with you. When people talk badly about their so called friends, it actually makes me feel physically sick because yet again the wickedness of the heart of man is exposed.

  29. Tayo

    March 20, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    *deep sign* nice pieces Kome. Bellanaijarians are the best so far…loving all ur comments.

  30. Myra

    March 20, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Really enjoyed this….sometimes the people we call “friends” are anything but.

  31. nene

    March 20, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    you see, the thing with gossip in a salon is that when you leave, you become the topic of discussion. so i advice that you sit down quietly, do what you came to do and leave. on the choosing of friends, i have friends for different reasons, i have 2 sisters and i am very close to them so i don’t really need someone to power my heart out to, but my friends are mainly there based on other reasons e.g partying, connections, intelligence,beauty, character, religious, etc. i care about all my friends but since i have sisters and brothers to share personal problems with, i don’t really mention it to my friends. friends are there for enjoyment and fun.

  32. Sappi

    March 21, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Ok that’s some scary story.
    The idea of talking to your friends is different between guys and girls though-The equivalent to a salon for females is a sports bar for a guy. A guy you see now and then is looking sad and u ask whats up? “na my madam jare, abc…xyz” i bet u 98% of the time with guys-the general response will be ‘take it easy, thats how women are, dont think about it too much, give her time, let her know how u think, etc”
    Its get-over-it-and-be-calm kind of advice with no tactics, or hidden agenda to it. Soemtimes a relative stranger can give a fresh perspective. Sometimes its the bottling it all in and not realising other ppl are going through similar things that breeds the serial killers and crimes of passion.
    But anyways-choose ur friends wisely…and choose ur hair stylist even more wisely!!!

  33. Kome Olori Agulonu

    March 22, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    @ jane public, what you have said makes real sense and you put things in a perspective I didn’t think about before and I wish human minds didn’t work in the way you’ve described.
    I think we all need to be more about others and less about me especially when our friends need us.
    Thank you all for taking the time to comment and I appreciate the private messages that I have received too.

  34. EverSimilingnkechi

    March 24, 2014 at 9:59 am

    I traveled to anoda ctry for studies and due to financial constraints i had to share a room with another lady who was also from same ctry as me but we’ve never known each other. My 3 yrs relationship had now become a dist relationship. so dis day i was feeling frustrated cos my BF was being so distant and not communicating. All i needed that day was a listening ear and maybe some few assuring words. so i shared my frustrations with her and she said ‘hmm tell him u wanna move on with ur life naa… will u sit here moaning abt his non communication?’ You knw what? i didn’t even reply. That was the first and last day i shared anythg about my personal issues with her.
    But hair stylist too ooh!! hmmm A Salon should be the last place to talk abt your issues.

  35. Jay

    March 25, 2014 at 11:51 am

    We need to be wise o. My brother met this girl he liked and has been trying to take her out on a date. She has been forming busy, he tries calling one Sunday and her friend picked and said she wasn’t around as she had gone out with her mom. Anyway, both girls are my friends and the one that picked and said she had gone out wanted me to introduce her to my brother in the past and I didn’t bcos she isn’t a peaceful person and hangs only amongst rich people. I don’t want someone to come and divide my small family. I laughed when he told me what happened but I didn’t mention a word of happened in the past to him, I just asked him to stop calling the girl. Simple! If only she knew the other girl was dying to be in her shoes, I have told my brother that he must not date a woman from our place and find a good christian girlfriend from a good home. That’s all!! As for me, since I met my fiance, he had very few friends just like me and then we became best friends so I just have a few friends abroad as most of my friends are in Nigeria. We shop together, eat together and he even comes to work beside me while I read in the library. Not all friends are bad but it is always good to weigh what people tell you before you act.

  36. kome Olori Agulonu

    March 25, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    Thank you Jay, that is a very insightful contribution. Wisdom is really the key in all friendships.

  37. Jay

    March 26, 2014 at 8:42 am

    You are welcome, Kome. Big hug

  38. Ena

    April 2, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    friends sha! i don’t have any and i love it that way! had a group of four in school but dropped them like a bad habit when events proved that they were pretty evil creatures. i have people i gist with and sometimes hang out with (i’m not so much of a social animal) but not anyone i call best friend. i’ll rather talk to my aunt and even she sef, I’m careful about things i tell her. i’ve seen so much to know it isn’t worth it, mostly with we ladies. and as per hair stylists, just stopped patronising one last month because i just hated the way she had nasty things to say about people. she’ll smile with them when they’re in and the moment they slide her door shut, the evil verbal outpour begins. seems to me like they learn evil gossiping as part of hair styling.

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