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Glory Edozien: These Girls Ain’t Loyal

Glory Edozien

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TCD_8957I’m going to be honest. A part of me lights up like fireworks on the fourth of July when I hear a woman is cheating on her man. Inexcusable I know, but I can’t help but feel her actions are restoring balance to the male philandering dominated world we live in. Shoot me, but I’ve heard/know of more men (married and single) cheating on their partners than I have of women. Yes, I know this might be a poor excuse, but I am sticking to it nonetheless. Also, I guess a part of me is intrigued by these daredevil women, with enough balls to possess and conquer without remorse.

I had this argument with my besto, Onome, and of course he shut me down. Like many of you, I’m sure, he couldn’t believe that Glory, ‘Madame idealist’, would ever support women cheating. The more I explained my theory of balance the more he put forward more cogent arguments, which dulled the initial sparkle of my thesis. And to shut me up forever, he recanted endless tales of women destroying hearts and lives by cheating on men who had been nothing but faithful to them. So like a wounded dog, I tucked my tail between my legs and admitted defeat.

Of all the stories Onome told, it was possibly one of Bukky, his colleague that assuaged me the most. To the world Bukky was a happily married woman with 3 boys and a doting husband. They had a home in a decent area of Lagos, both had good jobs and managed to put their children in good schools. “What more could a woman want”? Onome asked, I declined to answer. Apparently, Bukky was the envy of all women in her office, until she was caught doing the dirty with a graduate assistant during their team building retreat in January. One thing led to another, and Bukky’s husband was informed of her infidelity. He threw her belongings out of the house before she returned from her trip. She now faces a lengthy divorce and custody battle, including the stigma of being branded a cheating wife. According to Onome, Bukky’s parents are reluctant to initiate settlement procedures with their son –in-law, because they are ashamed of their daughter’s actions.

While a part of me does feel for Bukky’s husband, a larger part wonders why any woman in a satisfying relationship would cheat, especially with so much at stake. Men have argued for ages that they are capable of emotionless ‘attachments’. In fact, this is almost an accepted creed among women folk. The unspoken excuse for taking back a cheating partner “he means nothing to her, it was just sex”.

One then begins to wonder why the same excuse is not acceptable for women. Could it be that Bukky too was simply scratching an itch and it had nothing to do with if she was in a satisfied marriage or not? If our society is amenable to excusing cheating men why aren’t they with women? Had the tables been turned, I wonder if Bukky’s parents would have encouraged her to throw her husband’s belonging out of the house or instead given her advice on how to keep her marriage issues private and be a better wife.

Now before you all start stoning me, I am not saying women should cheat just because men are. I am only questioning the double standard we all seem to accept where relationships are concerned. Besides it is possible that Bukky may not have been as happy as everyone assumed. Perhaps it was all a facade and the reality was quite different from perception?

Recently, a married friend of mine commented about how lonely married life could be, and how easy it is to slip into depression especially after the first child. She told me about her constant need for validation from a husband who was hardly home; her sense of self loss (and even self loathing) after she gave birth; and the need to constantly satisfy her in-laws and infant child at the expense of her own sanity. One can easily see how internalising these emotions could lead to a few misplaced steps, if not properly managed.

I remember just before my ex and I broke up a few years ago, the drama in our relationship had so drawn us apart, I didn’t feel the need to confide or share details of my life with him anymore. It was easier to talk with someone else and to feel unusually pleased by the compliments of complete strangers. In the end, we didn’t even need to have the break up talk, the telepathic connection that had once tied us together slowly unravelled and we both knew the end was inevitable. As I told Onome, if you don’t keep your fence secure, you can’t blame the sheep from wondering. Of course, the bond of marriage is completely different and requires a much higher level of commitment, but a woman married or single is still a woman and requires a certain level of attention from her man.

So while Onome and the rest of his gang were quick to vilify Bukky, I decided to take a somewhat different route. I wanted to understand why Bukky cheated? Did she just have an itch that needed scratching? Or was there something more sinister behind that veil of perceived perfection? What do you think? Why would a woman cheat on her man?
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To read more from Glory Edozien, visit www.inspiredbyglory.com

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

75 Comments

  1. @edDREAMZ

    April 28, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Bukky’s husband really made a mistake by driving her away frm her matrimorial home, but he shouldnt after making this statement ”for better or worse till death do us apart” he could have seat his wife down to knw were and were he is not doing well as a husband and a father so as to change for the better but the wife did a very big mistake no doubt and lastly, frm this my little proverb yu will knw why men cheat and women are not suppose. Lol.. “”if a key opens ten doors, the key is considered a master key but if ten keys can open a single door, the door is considered useless”” lol….
    .
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Gorgeous

      April 28, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Both men and women do not need any reason to cheat. And some people married too early. They did not get their oju kokoro out of their system before marrying. Trust me, as easy as it is for a man to spot a woman and just want a taste of her without no strings attached. So it is for women. We are just restrained by what society will say. The fact is men and women absolutely need no reason to cheat, and are both driven by the same desires, reasons and selfishness to cheat. One sex is not weaker than the other. I remember living with my boyfriend for a few months many years ago. My God i was soooo bored!!! I kept wondering if this is how married life would be, and sorry to say the first sign on big trouble in the relationship which i knew would signal the end of it. I did the inevitable. I just felt that i had lost myself, and was incredibly bored out of my mind. The routine drove me crazy. I was only 21. I knew i coult not make any man miserable by marrying him at that age because i was too adventurous for my own good. I thank God for that experience and that i did not settle down so young. It would not have worked out at all with that guy. And he was a good guy. Now i know myself so much more. I know how to keep busy. I know how to strongly reject and refuse any suggestion of isolating myself and making my life revolve around anyone. I know me. I am happy and i know i will make the right man happy. Reason why i dont support marriages for anyone under 25.

    • lilz

      April 28, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      i got married before i clocked 24, i knew myself then and i know myself now and im more than happily married..age has little to do with it

    • jcsgrl

      April 28, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      1st, I dont think its the age you marry but how mature you are. If you are mature and emotionally ready for marriage, you would know how to respect your commitment to the person you married

      2nd, hope you guys realize that the % of women who cheat is almost reaching that of men. Women can be discreet with their philandering ways and also society does not expect women to cheat. So automatically the guards are down when you see a married woman and a man. the last thing on your mind would be she’s having an affair..but a single woman and a guy…na aristo tins

      3rd, women especially in naija are catching their fun with fellow females in the bedroom. They are not lesbians but they live a lesbianic lifestyle…lol on the side while still remaining in committed heterosexual relationships. So there partners might not even suspect because she is always with her friend

    • Gorgeous

      April 28, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      Age DOES matter. I dated that guy for 5years. So i know it does. And most people i know who married young have confessed the same. While others have left their marriages. It is not about emotional maturity or whatever. With AGE you appreciate certain things you would not have as a young person. I used to say age does not matter, and thought i knew it all. And then i got older. IT ABSOLUTELY MATTERS.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 28, 2014 at 3:39 pm

      EDreamz, I feel like concurrently laughing and smacking you for that your metaphor about keys 🙂 It sounds suspiciously like something Nigerians thought up (& annoyingly reasonable, at that).

      Glory, it’s good to be reading something from you again.

    • SMH

      April 30, 2014 at 9:00 am

      Lol! Nice one about the keys. still laughing.
      I simply believe people cheat because they can and they want to. Everything in life revolves around CHOICE….End of story

    • anonymous

      May 2, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      Why is the man a Key and the Woman a door? Never been able to get these useless analogies y’all use. Men wake up, if you don’t make your women happy she goan cheat and I think men will soon get used to cheating women the same way they are used to non-virgins. Before, being a non virgin was a no-no but now it’s kinda common. I said kinda before someone shoots me

  2. Ibukun

    April 28, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Patiently waiting for the comments, cos I really want to understand it too. I am a single lady with married female friends who cheat, and I have one cheating with a married man, with the excuse of his wife being a mistake and the dude not loving her, its really crazy out there…I honestly want to understand why people bother getting married to people they can’t stay faithful to

  3. mine

    April 28, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    ” Recently, a married friend of mine commented about how lonely married life could be, and how easy it is to slip into depression especially after the first child. She told me about her constant need for validation from a husband who was hardly home”

    1. Married life is not lonely but some women/ladies made it a lonely one. They throw away all their friends after marriage and expect the man to be “all in all” to her. The man is expected to fill al the spaces her friends/family members/colleagues (males and females) used to fill-which is not possible. How can you throw away everyone in your life and expect just one person to take over the role of all these people in your life? Therefore some ladies have high hopes and in turn make it a lonely one for themselves.

    2. You don’t need validation from anyone. In as much as it is good for partners to make nice compliments, we all need to know that no man can validate us. He doesn’t need to say you are beautiful, before you know you are; he doesn’t need to say you are slim, cute, not fat, sexy, pretty, you look good…before you know you are. what if its all “washing”? Many have complexes. You are good the way you are. If you wanna slim down, work towards it- don’t go and be asking him every day that how do i look now? have i slimmed down? Appreciate and value yourself!

    3. Cheating from both ends is unacceptable. If we support any, we are going down a lane that “the marriage insititution” will soon go into extinction and what we’ll be left with will be cohabitation or mere sex partners. No excuse for any to cheat except he/she wanna cheat and test the waters.

    Cos my wife/hubby is sleeping around does not permit me to be sleeping around except if i am immoral myself and wanna sleep around.

    • fifi

      April 28, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      Thank u once they become MRS it’s good bye to us the singles and our advice isn’t good enough for them it comes with the tag “you wouldn’t understand u r not married”

    • mine

      April 28, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Back to reasons why women cheat,

      1. The husband is not so rich and there is a rich man outside providing her needs
      2. The husband not good in bed
      3. A hook up with an ex with whom she had intimate passion with a while ago and good in bed unlike her man
      4. Some are just promiscuous from the right go and 1 man cant satisfy them
      5. Anger just to get back at the man for cheating (although if its to get back at the man, she will do it once and not do again cos after doing, she will realize it wasnt worth it when she’s back to her senses)
      6. If you have, tell us the reason why.

    • omalichaspeaks.blogspot.com

      April 28, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Mine- your points are so valid, I couldn’t agree more.

    • adebola

      May 7, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      u forgot to mention her husband was never the love of her life. just someone she felt could play the role of a husband and now she has met that love/soul mate and cant get him off her mind

    • Ominiknowest

      April 28, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      I am sorry but… Are you married? I don’t think so. First off. Married women don’t drive their friends away. It just happens. 20 children don’t play for 20 years. In most cases because the friends are now faced with 2 different views of life, they have little in common and they gradually drift apart. Except where they share work or similar hobbies/interests. Most men are also not comfortable with their wives retaining their friends from ‘before before’ fear of negative influence and all that *don’t aske me why, I’m not a man* While I agree that women should not isolate themselves and make their husbands everything, I also believe in reducing distractions and keeping only friends that matter.

      No man is an island and whether you admit it or not only very few people can claim that they do not require validation. External validation has been ingrained is us from birth. You strive to do well, be obedient, be a good child to please your parents; you rely on those nods, pats on the back etc to gauge how successful you are. It doesn’t stop simply because you are married, the only difference is now your husband/wife is the one doing the validation. Except you don’t have feelings for your partner, if you do their opinion or lack of means a lot to you.

      On your final point I agree with you. That men cheat isn’t an excuse for women to cheat and vice versa. After all, the fact that people are drinking poison doesn’t suddenly make poison the leading beverage of choice.

    • mine

      April 28, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      “I am sorry but… Are you married? I don’t think so.”

      This is what we talking about- what makes you think i am not married? I am!

      Because you are now married does not mean you become an island of your own! Definitely 20 friends cant play together for 20years but as you move up in life, you will definitely make new friends-office, your new estate, church group, e.t.c

      About loneliness, take it or leave it, your husband cant be your “all in all”. He cant be your sister, your mother, your father, your colleague at work, old school friends, your church friends… He can’t fulfil all those roles in your life. Women become bored when its the husband and husband alone. No one else in their lives!

    • slice

      April 28, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      ah you just did what she accused some married women of doing. Assuming she doesn’t understand b/c she’s not married. She said: Married life is not lonely but some women/ladies made it a lonely one. They throw away all their friends after marriage and expect the man to be “all in all” to her.

      you said some people drift apart. She too never said all throw their friends away. It’s hard to drift apart from someone you broke bread with for 20 years. you make a somewhat conscious decision that the relationship is not as important anymore. or perhaps that person was just a placeholder till your fairy tale arrived. or your jealous husband is keeping them away (in which case you have an entirely different problem)

    • NaijaPikin

      April 28, 2014 at 6:01 pm

      So why do you have to get married to reduce your friends? Why didn’t you remove non value added friends before you got married?

      Stop talking rubbish jare and say the truth. Because you are married you think you are better than others.

      I belong to a group of about 10 friends. A few have gotten married and all of us are still very much friends. the husbands tease our friendships, we visit each others houses for breakfast, lunch or dinner. We babysit each others kids when needed, we still travel together from time to time. We are still friends (married, engaged, dating and single friends).

      True friendship is not pompous, envious, spiteful, blah blah.

    • Sandy

      April 28, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      well said

    • Newly married

      April 28, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      Great response – totally agree!

    • ngluv

      April 28, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      I agree 100% with everything mine had to say.. very spot on! Godbless

    • nene

      April 28, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      very good comment.

    • Que

      April 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm

      THANK YOU for putting it so well..

    • diva

      April 29, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      U hit it right.thank you

    • kina 99

      April 29, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      Are you .married? My guess is no.

    • Me Full Ground

      May 5, 2014 at 3:22 am

      @ mine, a million gbosas for you. Great reasoning.

  4. Ominiknowest

    April 28, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Interestingly I had this same convo with my husband yesterday after watching one of them Africa magic short movies. The ratio of men who cheat to women who do is like 9:1 IMO and I think women have to be emotionally involved to cheat. However… this Bukkys case odikwa special. Im still trying to figure out the angle. Was she attention and emotion starved and perhaps turned to Mr Intern to see if she still garrit?

    • Jhaye

      April 29, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      I just couldn’t resist slipping this in after such a long hiatus………………….. Naija version of the reasons mine omitted were
      1) It was the devil.
      2) Na jazz!!

      So if after trying to rationalize Bukky’s actions and you still can’t these remarks are timeless fallbacks from the naija perspective………….however unreasonable they may be!!! Go figure!

  5. dee

    April 28, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I am so proud that a Nigerian sista had this to say. I am recently separated from an ingrate of a husband whom i have kids with and I cant wait to get me another sweet ass, just to play with the way they have been playing with us.

  6. Ibukun

    April 28, 2014 at 2:23 pm

    A part of me thinks she just had itch, I doubt it was anything emotional. Probably just ojukokoro, abi?

  7. Kemms

    April 28, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    I sorta agree with your line of thought. I think something goes off in a relationship once the kids start coming that it takes a whole lot of work on the part of both parties to keep it together. I also think men have this perception as to what women want and just do what they believe without finding out specifically what makes their wives happy and then making a concerted effort to do it, thereby satisfying that woman’s emotional needs. Every person, man or woman is wired differently and what works for one person might not work for the other, so if a woman’s love tank is not being filled regularly it is very easy for her to fall for temptation. I had a friend who after 5 years and 1 child, wanted to in her words “either quit my marriage or find someone to keep me happy”. She wanted quality time with her man but he was so busy with work and could scarcely find the time to spend with her. What made it worse was that the man did not think there was any problem because he took care of her financially and sexually and to him that was enough. The wife on the other hand wanted them to spend quality time together doing the things she loved and found it hard to tell him pointedly what she wanted, only throwing subtle hints which the man never caught on. She would come to my place and we would talk all night over glasses of wine, something she actually wished she was doing with her man! I was able to finally get her to have a sit down with her hubby over dinner at a restaurant paid for by her and tell him how she felt; that she loved getting gifts from him and loved the fact that he worked hard for their family but she loved spending time with him and would love if they could plan a couple of days in a month to spend together. The man apologised and they worked out a couple of days to get to be together and their marriage took a dramatic turn for the better afterwards, they even had two more kids! But the fact was this same woman was ready to cheat, even to the point of chatting with another man! For some women it is that their sex life is dead, what do u say to such?

  8. Teni

    April 28, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    Hmmm,this is a topic that i have constantly being arguing with people especially my male friends (both married and single). I always tell them that its double standards! Two of my colleagues always tell me how they cheat like every other day and if their wife does it,she’s a prostitute! They always say that its in men’s genes, its part of their make up, if men cheat is normal but if women do same its wrong blah blah blah…. I don’t think its good for anybody wether male or female, to cheat. Men and even women should stop making it seem normal. But i have learnt that to keep one’s sanity in this highly immoral world is to give room for mistakes so that if it happens, you are not too hurt to forgive.

  9. Chichi

    April 28, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    @ Mine u deserve a big hug…..your comment just hit the nail right on the head! Am married but I cant say am happy. I was desperate to leave my parents house cos I felt I would have a better life and live by my own rules after I got married. I distanced my self from my friends both male and female and expecting my husband to be every thing” omo that one Na big lie”. First few months in my marriage I went into total depression considering the fact that I left from one state to another to be with my husband……. I can talk talk and talk but the truth is that marriage is a spiritual thing and after the fairy tale wedding Na u and hubby go remain. Pre wedding counseling won’t tell you and can’t tell u everything u need to know about marriage…. Have a good relationship with God and let the Holy Spirit be your guide! It is well.

    • mine

      April 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      Chi love, i understand you perfectly. You will be happy again (hugs, hugs and hugs for you)

      Dont throw away your friends dear. Your colleagues in the office got your back, your sisters and brothers have their own role in your life, dad and mum too have theirs -just to be distant so that no one will control your marriage(strike the balance), male friends in the office too-(dont go beyond office arena, no sharing of contacts) but office gist, laughs… go for weddings, friend’s parties, ladies outing….you will be your true self and love yourself more.

      big hugs chi

  10. Idak

    April 28, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Make i siddon look.
    This is going to be a very long one.

  11. iyke

    April 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    My Opinion: A lady’s choice to cheat is both daring and desperate. A desperate plea for help and a daring catalyst for change in their marriage/relationship or her own self. The affair is a serious stuff, usually long-buried and complex.
    A recent case study: Ifunanya has a very handsome, successful husband and two adorable kids. She has a beautiful home at Lekki Phase 1., a stay-at- home mom and seems to have it all. But does she? Actually home sweet home is not so sweet. Same routine everyday ….. grocery shopping at shop rite, cooking, driving / carting the kids around and sometimes, trips to Dubai, London and Paris for retail therapy ……This is what most naija ladies would call ‘Living the life’, yet she’s not happy. She feels trapped, bored, powerless, no intimacy at home, no sizzle, and lonely, which triggers her brain chemicals/hormones to begin to wane …… Serotonin is in short supply as is Dopamine, Vasopressin and oxytocin – brain chemicals that ensure good moods, bonding, and passion. To make matters worse, Ify’s husband doesn’t just get it. He’s too busy trying to get ahead and make more money to get into her. He feels that she nags a lot despite the provision of comfort et al, for her and the kids. Then, along comes an attentive, sexy admirer and bingo, she strays ….And you know what, it becomes very difficult to stop.
    Point: Women cheat because they’re not getting their needs and desires met in their marriages/relationships. Unable to reach their husbands/bfs, hard as they may try, they feel stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless. This fighting to the death or suffering in silence snuffs or kills sexual desire for them and as a result, they step outside of their marriages in search of passion.
    My Take: The TRUTH however is that most women don’t KNOW who they are as sexual beings! When you leave your marriage/ relationship because YOU think you are going to find what is MISSING, in your next partner, YOU usually end up in the same place again or even worse. No one can really open YOU to pleasure and self acceptance but YOU!
    Thank you!

    • Ada Ada

      April 28, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      You hit the nail right in the head. The last sentence was the gospel. Know who you are, people fast and pray b4 marriage but don’t know that the prayer is needed more when your married. Some just lose their self, in their partner which is utterly wrong. Lose yourself in God, seek him and He will surely be there to guide

    • nene

      April 28, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      women need to learn to be alone and be a little selfish, since it appears men are naturally selfish. love yourself, care for yourself, understand who you are before you get into any relationship, whether marriage, boyfriend or even making friends in your everyday life. the truth is people will disappoint you and even themselves, but if you love yourself you’ll move on and remain positive. don’t expect anything from anyone because people change. and patience is a virtue most times. but always learn to occupy your mind with other interesting things.

    • Miss Anonymous

      April 29, 2014 at 10:31 am

      This is the most positive statement I have heard from Nene 🙂

    • between the devil and the deep blue sea

      April 28, 2014 at 11:11 pm

      I just saw myself in your comment and I feel extremely sad :(..

  12. Teris

    April 28, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    “…Of all the stories Onome told, it was possibly one of Bukky, his colleague that assuaged me the most…” – assuaged what? your guilt, remorse or pleasure?

    anyhoo… i have a theory about the present generation of chics out there: i call it “the daughters of women scorned!” so i can TOTALLY relate to your sentiments when you say “even up the scores”.

    for instance, i find it amusing when guys go on about “what’s with all this single motherhood -ish?”, i say why not? to hell with all that throwing her out of the house…so nollywood. so yesterday. no female in this day and age shud put herself in a position where she has to grovel.

    that said, and of course being a good christian and all, one must recall that Life is such a hard school and dragging that nugget of bitterness is a waste of precious time when you shud be doing you and be happy.

    yes, and please, no cheating. AIDS tinz, chi’drens’ to consider… do the right thing! vote for –

  13. blackberry

    April 28, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    A lot of women have been pushed to the wall these days. i don’t understand how a man is allowed to cheat and a woman is not. there are a lot of sham marriages out there, most people i speak to say if not for the kids or one reason or the other they would have walked out of the marriage. a lot of women are expected to “understand” and have high tolerance level for all the crap their husbands throw their way meanwhile, the me have zero tolerance for her trying to find some joy in other things that don’t please him.

    women no longer need men to be happy hence he rise of single mothers everywhere. why shackle urself to an inconsiderate selfish man when u can have ur kids and live a peaceful life.

  14. ejogene

    April 28, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Iyke, Iyke i had to adjust myself to read your comment. So on point as always! Mine lots of hugs for all your comments on this! So true!

  15. desireAyo

    April 28, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    In my opinion,couples should endeavour to keep the spark that brought them together burning at an higher degree.

  16. desireAyo

    April 28, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    because the sparks n attraction tend to wear off with time and the partners just become traditional sleeping partner while the man especially finds his satisfaction in another lady(ies)arms cos madam has most especially lost interest in things that would have kept the man in the house.

  17. Mine is mine

    April 28, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    I haven’t finished reading all comments but so far, Mine you go better school and you be better pickin. You have captured everything I could say. GBAM!

  18. Nixxylo

    April 28, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    @ Mine… Big Hugs for your apt thoughts!

  19. Ibukun

    April 28, 2014 at 5:20 pm

    @ Mine, absolutely valid points. Bless you for pointing out that you’re married!

  20. larz

    April 28, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    I am usually very uncomfortable commenting on people’s marriage/ rships. More often than not, there is so much you (an outsider) don’t know! It is deeper than having a decent house and sending your kids to a good school

  21. nene

    April 28, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    interesting topic. it sadly is a man’s world. a woman cheats and gets thrown out, a man cheats and has to be accepted over and over again. there should be no double standards.

    • slice

      April 28, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      i think both might prefer to throw the cheater out but sadly, in most cases, only one has the financial means to do that.

    • Doxa

      May 20, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      Its not about financial means, but about societal perception.

  22. D

    April 28, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    Mine and Kemme, I totally agree with what you both said but it all comes back to what Iyke said find yourself and know yourself. Then first you will be able to surround yourself with the right kind of friends before and after marriage and the whole idea of throwing friends away would not come into play and this will help in regards to finding the right partner as well. Infact I made most of my friends(the ones that genuinely have my back and vice versa) promise me that once we got married we would not “throw each other away” and we have kept to it. Some are single and some are married

  23. talktruth

    April 28, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    There’s this lady I know with children. Her husband cheats on her, even gave her an STD. He is a serial cheater, she had to quit her job because of conflict of interest with her husband’s job, so now she just sits at home, and is very depressed. Yet she will be the first to demonize other women. Some women sef, we can be our own worst enemies. We perpetrate a cycle of male domination that will continue unless we stop castigating other unmarried women and start looking inward. Yet we hope our own dirty secret (serial cheater husband, stds from him, etc) remain in the closet so church people can call us elders.

  24. Miriam

    April 28, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    This post has really opened my eyes. Just yday I told my boo I don’t want money I want you!

  25. Mine is mine

    April 28, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    We can talk about men, let us not ignore the fact though that some women are just wayward dogs and the sad part of it, na them dey find better man as mugus no matter the relationship status. I know some married women that cheat anyhow that I can’t explain and nothing can make their husbands ever ever think or even believe they do.

  26. Mine

    April 29, 2014 at 8:00 am

    @Fifi, omalichaspeaks, sandy, newly married, ngluv, nene, Que, chichi, ejogene, Nixxylo, Ibukun and Mine is mine, sending you all E-hugs to brighten your day.

    Much love.
    Mine

  27. Baxter

    April 29, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Nah, all she had was an itch that needed scratching, it’s that simple.

  28. OnyiNye

    April 29, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    I am not proud to say this but I will. I cheated on my boyfriend now my fiancé with my boss. My man has cheated on me before with his ex but that wasn’t the reason I cheated.I never wanted to pay him back but I felt so depressed and unhappy to be neglected by that one man that stole my heart.I was neglected emotionally. He forgave me but I don’t regret cheating on him because it kept him on his feet and he felt what is was like to be neglected. Most women cheat because some men has refused to spend quality time with them. I regret using my boss as a rebound guy.

  29. remitedola okeh

    April 29, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    from my experience women cheat cause of the thrill that interprets that I am still there, I am still worth it, I am still beautiful. The attention that the other person gives to them that loudly speaks that you are so so special. Now what they forget I is that it all fantasy which makes you see beyond what isn’t there at all. I do support cheating on both sides. What I stand for is for sanity and happiness and from experience it takes that other to make you emotionally matured indeed. And what that teaches you is that your husband cannot occupy the space of all in your life( Brother, best-friend, etc)

  30. me

    April 29, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    have you wondered why a woman/man wouldn’t sleep out despite the fact that she/he knows the partner is cheating? its called self worth, dignity, morals and values.

    it takes a loose partner to cheat irrespective of what the other partner is doing (male/female)

    can anyone jump inside d fire or down from a 50story building because his/her partner jumped?

    that is my stake on this.

  31. LoveMe

    April 29, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    @ Mine very well said… Marriage will continue to become a very big issue in naija society until the married ones esp women see themselves as equals with singles. Most married peeps regard themselves as superiors which most times make the singles ones dive into the wrong hands wanting to measure up. May God grant us our true heart desires especially for those of us that are patiently waiting. AMEN

  32. diva

    April 29, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Relationship is work, just as Every other thing in your life. You want good grades you sweat for it, you want to be fashionable you have to put an effort.I have cheated on my partner ,why because I felt good with the other guy.looking back I realise he told me things he knew would make me feel good,things I like to hear.he never did 20% of what my man did.Well I was younger then.if I got married at that age I would have had problems.First of all every woman must build her self: confidence, education or handwork and learn to enjoy your company.Scrolling down and reading on comments , some people are talking about a fucking good ex.Every wall must be pulled down with every Ex before you get married. Read reaffirmations to yourself everyday ( I am beautiful, confident, rich, loving, I have boldness oozing through my veins) it works, you have to know what you possess so if your man doesn’t say it, baby girl u know it.So when a passerby wants to hit u , u tell him he can have several seats. Communication is everything. You want more sex, u say it.U want more affection say it, u want additional time together say it. U know the man u married.keep yourself busy , if you are u won’t see the eye to cheat.Nothing justifies cheating .I agree that when you get married some relationships should change , u should know the friends that u can catch up the gossip with(don’t bring them to your home), the ones who you can confide in etc.Hang out with ur friends, enjoy your company .some women cant stay by themself and alwayz want attention and reaafirmation,spice up things In the bedroom, When you think theres an option, 70% of the damage has been done.if this doesn’t do biko ask for a divorce instead of tasting the sugar outside.
    P.s this is for us women, men own, na God hand e dey.

  33. Hannah

    April 29, 2014 at 7:17 pm

    Cheating is bad for both men and women.

    • Commentrina

      April 29, 2014 at 10:29 pm

      Wow! Groundbreaking statement!

  34. UgoGod

    April 30, 2014 at 10:03 am

    If you are married and have kids, it starts from now. Teach your kids to have self worth and to value themselves first.
    If tomorrow i find my hubby and another woman on our matrimonial bed, the worst i will do is open the fridge for a verrry chilled drink and snack away in front of the TV. There is more to life than his dick. he is an adult and i should not in any way be accountable for his actions. i deserve to live happily with or without him. Yes! i love him…deeply, but will NEVER trade my life or joy for him.
    Somethings in life are unexplainable… because we are mortals.

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      May 3, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Trust!!!!
      That chilled drink.. as in.
      I think the first reaction is to belt or get angry maybe even walk out but hey you can just simply detach emotions and let your brain think clearly by drinking that chilled drink that under the same roof.

      Mehn, hubby will be messed up for a long time incl the person he cheated with. lol.

    • tinkerbel

      May 27, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      your statements delivered me.

  35. Red PawPaw

    May 1, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    @UgoGod.babe,i love you ten times for this#No homo#.It is very realistic that way.,Especially the part about his dick,women need to understand that besides being your husband,he is just another human being and shouldn’t av the right to control all your emotions and especially,reaction.
    Sometimes we love people too much that we lose ourselves,i remember an ex of mine(we dated for just two months anyway)told me,one day when we went for a movie and i got hungry,and he pretended not to hear,that,lemme quote him#”Baby,i am just an auxillary,u r a big girl.if u are hungry and want food,pplease find food to eat and dont guiltrip me about it’Harsh i know(thats one of the reasons i broke up with him)but he made some sense.Invariably,it means,even if i left him,he would still move on…And same to other women out there.

  36. OgeAdiro

    May 1, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    “These bitches ain’t loyal.” That caption for fit the article. No offense intended.

  37. Brightonlad

    May 3, 2014 at 7:34 am

    You women are funny and are totally confused. I have read comments that said I cheated because my guy wasn’t spending quality time with me, he was working too hard making money. I bet that half of the women that say this will still cheat if their husband was struggling to make ends meet. You women think it is easy to make you comfortable, only you wan go Dubai, London but u don’t realize that the money won’t fall from heaven for that. In almost all the relationships I have been in, I have been faithful but the women still cheat and it’s after the deed is done that the come back crying me a river. So for now I’m on that I don’t give a damn attitude abt women.

  38. jay

    May 9, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Its extremely necessary to have an emotional back up plan…..

  39. daiva

    May 11, 2014 at 1:07 am

    D whole women cheat tin face its times are changing and so are we.I was in ph few weeks ago and was approached by lots of married men still wearing deir rings, I refused to have anything to do with dem and left. I am in my early 20s and am dating five diff men in diff parts, why I do it for fun, because am young, because I av been hurt,because I can,because I don’t believe any of dem is real,because I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket.I love attention and if I can get dem else where why not.

    • Doxa

      May 20, 2014 at 6:58 pm

      lol, seriously wish I cud do same. I don’t have d luxury of time.

  40. Esosa Ikolo

    June 4, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    This is an interesting read I must say as I can’t help but wonder if the presenter, Glory did expect such a mix bag of great opinions. One thing though is as a christian we should not fall into sin regardless of situations but again, ‘humans’ we are called and so infallible. It is my prayer though that all marriages will eperience life, rebirth, onenss and joy that they deserve which really was God’s original plan for it.
    Glo, welldone.
    Esosa (Birmingham)

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