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Ada Obiako: Where Did Your Clothes Go?

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We’re contemporary chicas.

We’re new age women. We’re, dare I say it… feminists? Anything a man can do, we can do too…better too. I understand the desire for acknowledgment and power. I understand the desire for attention. But, I must say ladies that I think we’re going down a dangerous slope.

My question for my ladies: Why have you refused to put on your clothes?

Why must we see the parts of you that we have no marital privilege to see? Why must you be lewd and crude with your dressing to prove that you have freedom and are a modern-day babe? Why must you draw our eyes to your boob spillage and barely-covered crotch region?

What story are you trying to tell?

And before you tell me it’s just, “me doing me”, and you have no agenda behind it, what I would like to know is who exactly do you think you’re fooling, love?

Of course you have an agenda behind it.

The agenda: You want attention. You want to be noticed. You want to be desired. You want to be talked about. You want to look hotter than the rest. You want to be infamous. You want to feel significant. You want to be a “rebel”. Trust me, I get it. I know it well. I too have worn a number of what-on-God’s-good-earth-was-she-thinking outfits back in my days.

The problem: Your agenda is costing you more than you might be willing to pay.

You see, the profit won’t be enough. The short-lived attention you get won’t be enough to satisfy you. It won’t be enough to keep you happy. It won’t actually make you any more valuable to the development of people and this world as a whole. It won’t make you a winner and someone else a loser. If you think that has nothing to do with you, I urge you to think again. People look at you; people learn from you, people are affected by your choices. Does walking around half-naked help anyone around you live with care and purpose? Does walking around half-naked make anyone around you healthier? Does walking around half-naked make people feel more compassionate and empathetic towards you and others? Does walking around half-naked inspire anything worth talking about?

Do you want to know what walking around half-naked will do?

It will increase your chances of being viewed as less of a person with feelings/heart and more of a sexual object for pleasure alone. It will increase your chances of being “used and abused” by your admirers. It will decrease your chances of being listened to for your thoughts, words, and valuable suggestions – which I know you have. It will likely cost too much.

Yes, I know people shouldn’t negatively judge you by your looks but my sister, I also know your clothing choices can either help people judge you less or tempt people to judge you more. Be mindful of your clothing choices. I know you want to look sexy but I also know you don’t need to be half-naked to make heads turn. You don’t need to be half-naked to be a rebel. You don’t need to be half-naked to be considered significant. You don’t need to be half-naked to live a great life. Be purposeful about your clothing choices. Remember, people look at you and learn from you. You are always teaching and telling stories in your life. When it comes to your clothes,

What story are you trying to tell?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |Yekophotostudio

Adaeze Diana is a freelance writer, copy-editor, speaker, and vision coach who helps young Christian women feeling depressed/hopeless discover who they are and why they exist so that they can learn how to enjoy more fulfilling and fruitful lives. She blogs about the spiritual lessons she's learned at www.deserveyourgreatlife.com. You can follow Adaeze on Twitter and Google+.

61 Comments

  1. Shydiva

    July 10, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Help me ask them biko

  2. bb

    July 10, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    correct.

  3. stephanie

    July 10, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Exactly my thoughts,be dressed d way u want to be addressed….

  4. aaaevents and design

    July 10, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Ask her ooo

  5. Shaz

    July 10, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    They say if you can’t wear it in the presence of your presence don’t wear it at all

    • Agreed.

      July 10, 2014 at 1:20 pm

      Uh? I don’t gerrit…pls explain.

    • pauline

      July 10, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      don’t gerrit

    • Hauwa

      July 10, 2014 at 4:23 pm

      Lol guys I think she meant ‘presence of your parents’. ‘gerrit?’

  6. Lateefat Olaitan

    July 10, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    I wonder o, where you dont dress as they expected sef they start calling yu names…
    God see us through !

  7. yewande

    July 10, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    So if you dress modest would it also change the world? Would it also make you more valuable to people around you? Just because someone chooses to show their sexuality doesn’t mean they are less of a value to the next person. Women have always been seen as powerful sexual beings and tbh modesty would not change men(or powerless oversexed men) from seeing us differently. If women submit to the dictates of “Modesty” they would be living as covered up-objects, believing their bodies are liabilities. God did not design our bodies so we can live in fear of our female form.

    • Maxime

      July 10, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      It’s not about fear or about denying sexuality. It’s about choosing not to use sexuality as a cheap ploy for attention. And I think it can be a very empowering choice, whereas baring all is not necessarily as empowering as some people would like to believe! We have so much more to offer than our physical assets, so why constantly put them front and center in the most revealing outfits possible? ‘Modesty’ is a problematic concept and I honestly don’t think that’s what this post is about. For me, it’s about asking yourself sincerely the true reasons for your choices and the way in which you choose to present yourself to the world.

    • Ms. Sane

      July 10, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      You couldn’t have said this any better. And yes, you echo my thoughts on this as well. Thank you!

    • Ms. Sane

      July 10, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      You (Maxime) couldn’t have said this any better. And yes, you echo my thoughts on this as well. Thank you!

    • tunmi

      July 10, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      THANK YOU!!! How many men have we seen topless, naked, pants sagging. Abeg!!!! Why not go ask those women why they wear what they wear. The girls who wore hijabs and were covered got kidnapped. The woman in burqas get raped, please stop attacking women for what they wear. That is why you have eyes and eyelids, avert them.

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      I think you are missing the point here. she has made her point clear. she is referring to the half naked women who feel that using their sexuality as a tool will get them places.
      Modesty is not a guarantee that someone will not be raped! there are animals out there who will rape stones sef. its about doing it for yourself and building your self respect among your peers, cos lets face it, people especially men can hardly take a half naked woman serious when her boobs are all up in their face.

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      You totally have been schooled wrongly about what modesty means. There is no part of being modesty that says you have to subdue ur sexuality as a woman. It will always be a part if us women folk. Modesy only means that you sexuality should not be so overpowering that people can see nothing else of value about you. its all about doing it the 50-50 way. be a “woman” in every sense of the word but no so that it becomes offensive to others.

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      *not so that

    • Kili

      July 10, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      Actually Yes it could change the world if you think about it deeply.

    • Girl

      July 10, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Preach sister!

  8. Jacqueline

    July 10, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    She is lost that is just it

  9. Ima

    July 10, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    “It will increase your chances of being “used and abused” by your admirers.”
    I completely agree…except that so many “used and abused” people I know do not walk around half dressed…Just saying. #sadrealityoflife.

    • lolade

      July 10, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      as innnnn to behonest i know a lot of girls that dress very decent are good church girls and guys still us eand abuse them, so in my opinion if a guy is going to use and abuse you he will do it regardless

  10. Mz Socially Awkward...

    July 10, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Dear BN, your home page says there are 69 comments on this post already… where are the other 57?

    Or is it clicks on the “love” button plus comments which add up to the 69?

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      July 10, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Yes, you are right, it is the sum. We are testing a few options over the next few days so we decide the way to go. Thanks and have a great day!

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 2:56 pm

      Hey BN. can we get notifications when people reply to our comments?

    • Iris

      July 11, 2014 at 2:26 am

      LOL crafty buggers. Unless the headline is completely irresistible I typically click on a post based on how many comments there are to read!

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      July 11, 2014 at 7:44 am

      Hi Iris, thanks for your comment. We are really not trying to be crafty, just seeking the best balance with “loves” and comments. Thanks for your patience as we explore towards a lasting solution. Thanks! BN

    • Blessmyheart

      July 12, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      BN, I believe the ‘like’ button people were clamouring for was not for the whole post but for comments, such that if a comment echoes your thoughts, you can like it instead of repeating it. In which case, we should see how many likes or dislikes a comment has after the comment and not aggregated with the post, you know, like Facebook and other blogs.

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      July 12, 2014 at 11:09 pm

      Thanks for your feedback. We are working on it and it should be resolved by Monday.

  11. ceece

    July 10, 2014 at 2:00 pm

    Wow Miss Adaeze Obiako, clearly it seems you are the one who wants attention! Because all these prophecies about what will happen to women who don’t dress to your standard is quite mind boggling!

    • Hauwa

      July 10, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Hey ceece, were you trying hard to convince yourself against something that you choose to attack Adaeze’s person to achieve that purpose?

      Whatever point you’ve raised in so doing is invalid. Now, move along.

    • Di

      July 10, 2014 at 8:10 pm

      Boko Ha*ram things – subtle aggression towards imposing one’s standards & beliefs on others.
      Style & fashion is an art, one does not have to compromise nor overly-expose unless that’s the person you are.

  12. CeeCee

    July 10, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    God bless you Adaeze. From one God fearing woman to another. We are worth more than rubies.

  13. efe

    July 10, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Adaeze you have spoken well,your words might not have meaning to all,but it is for a few, Truth is difficult to accept and hard to find amongst people. God bless you.

  14. Sisi

    July 10, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Don’t care so much for her tone. She seems like all those goody goody two shoes who end up with no friends. Is it me or she sounds rude and somewhat forceful…

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Just imagine your own tone! you just dey your house just conclude about person life. you are funny oh.

    • nene

      July 10, 2014 at 4:19 pm

      see me see wahala. u can tell this form her article.

    • Hauwa

      July 10, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      LOL sisi. have you had something to eat today because that can only be the reason for your misguided aggression and your somewhat malicious opinion on what has rather been an interesting topic.

      Whatever point you’ve raised in so doing is invalid. Now, move along.

  15. Zee

    July 10, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Lol…The blindness is real…
    I used to dress shabbily, half naked and i thought it was cool until I gave my life to Christ and started a deep relationship with God
    One night, on my way back from the library, I saw a young pretty girl dressed exactly the way I dressed at one party like that, those days
    Full conviction hit me! I cried and I asked myself questions..
    Be liberal all you want but , Wrong is wrong no mater how you try.. Personally, I don’t wish to draw people’s attention with my body parts..

    • Jhenique

      July 10, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Truly the blindness is real. Only God can make men see the error of their ways just like he made u see. until you see yourself outside of yourself, you will really never understand………..

  16. TPSS

    July 10, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    “”Does walking around half-naked help anyone around you live with care and purpose? Does walking around half-naked make anyone around you healthier? Does walking around half-naked make people feel more compassionate and empathetic towards you and others? Does walking around half-naked inspire anything worth talking about?”

    Does walking around fully clothed do any of the above, either? I’m all for modest dressing but this article…nah!!

  17. Evans

    July 10, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    God bless you Ada. We ladies need to ask ourselves why we dress the way we do. I went to work today wearing a short sleeve shirt on a midi skater skirt and 6″ heels, i must tell you i have never felt more like a lady as i’m feeling today; a pretty and sexy one at that. The point is you can look sexy and feminine without exposing your body. The more covered up you are, the more beautiful you look……..i’m out!

  18. Ms. Sane

    July 10, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Bella Naija, I’m still trying to figure out how the new “love this” feature works. Shouldn’t there be a difference between “loving a post in its entirety – as in oh kudos to this writer” vs “loving a comment”. It’s a bit confusing as it is right now. I think it would be great if the feature were modified to distinguish these two. It would be great to see:

    1. Number of likes to an article or maybe readers could rate articles on a scale of 1 – 5, with 5 being the best.
    2. Number of likes for each comment
    3. Total number of comments for each article.

    Anyhoo, just my two cents.

  19. Zion

    July 10, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    To each their own. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, problem is.. Not everyone’s opinion is right. I think dressing is more about expressing yourself and who you are through what you wear. If you feel like dressing to show off all the endowments (both good and bad).. your choice! She is not imposing her thoughts rather just sharing. Nice one.

  20. Jhenique

    July 10, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    na wa oh! people and their reasoning sha. anyway that is why wisdom is scarce, cos not all minds can take it. how on earth has modesty now become a concept of Adaeze’s mind? lets face it, modesty is not a negotiable concept. in the back of our heads no matter how far in we try to push it, we women especially know exactly where that borderline of modesty lies, but some of us either dont just care or we refuse to sacrifice the attention our way of dressing brings us.

    Shez not trying to change anybodyand neither is she forcing it down your throat but to the wise, once is enough to hear and UNDERSTAND.

  21. ronnnyyyyy

    July 10, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    abeggggiiiii preach am wellaaa …..u r realy on point babe!! God bless u

  22. sumbor

    July 10, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    wORD!!!….even our celebs are not helping the situation with their nudity.

  23. nene

    July 10, 2014 at 4:17 pm

    ada biko ask them. nice article.

  24. Temitope

    July 10, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Oh dear! The comments on here are just hilarious.
    I am one to read an article on BN, glance at some comments and then move on…
    This instance I feel like dropping my 2 cents…

    Brilliant write- up from you Adaeze.
    A few lines probably written too deep for some minds to understand but I sincerely understand where you are coming from!

    Ultimately, each woman would decide for herself how she wants to be perceived!
    This would be a reflection of her self-esteem and will//should tie in with her life goals and purpose…(if she has any of course).
    What she wants people to remember her for- one that lived a role model life both in words, actions and even how classy she looked and dressed OR one who lived well, showed all her esteemed treasures for all to see.
    Whichever one- we choose.

    I just wonder – if a woman has a goal to live a life as a respectable woman and mother to her children- she would be more “long term” minded in her actions now- and these actions include how she looks when she steps out of her door every day!

    I am a lover of children and somehow by God’s design, I have over 10 young girls ages 5-19 around me as “my little ones” even though I am not a mother yet.
    The other day I realised a bit of flesh/cleavage was showing in an outfit I wore and I confess to you that I was a bit pricked in my mind to think- hmmm, do I want to put this on my BB DP…?
    Why did I mention this? Because I came to realise that whether I liked it or not- I was an influence in the lives of these girls and I am determined to do my bit and help them become respectable women – so I live by example – in every way – including how I dress!

    Make I no write another article jare – this is supposed to be a comment! Lol.
    But I guess it goes without saying – you can look absolutely smashing, attractive and stunning without baring it all! Selah!

  25. sum1special

    July 10, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    This topic is a very serious matter. The nudity is just everywhere and it is so annoying. If you are not dressed half naked, you are not considered sexy. Where did our morals go to?

  26. chi-e-z

    July 10, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Is it your body???… carry go and leave people to be themselves. oppressive natured people bug me just because someone is not dressed like you they are making themselves less human. I could say I don’t understand women who cover themselves from head to toe and all I see is eyes or women who wear skirts instead of jeans in the winter but I have no right to because it is not my body. Learn to just keep stupid opinions of material things like clothing, hair, shoes, e.t.c to yourself because it is not changing our world. ugly character is. and clothing does not equal character. I chose to wear skirt and scarf oneday for the first time and the ugly treatment i got made me wonder how humans are just so judgemental before you speak. some people are just ugly and judgemental eww hate people like that.

  27. mrs chidukane

    July 10, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Hahahahaha, I was wondering as well. This Socially Awkward babe sef,always stealing my thoughts from my head

  28. Kili

    July 10, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    Yes it could.

  29. Busarni

    July 10, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    Funny how, when ever certain topic comes up every one starts sounding righteous. All of you typing away on your device, do you dress appropriately? Awon onigbese ni,,,, nobody admitted to borrowing and not paying. Ada Tanx, I will take correction.

  30. teekay

    July 10, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    The world where we are atm there is always a justification for everything, people see the truth but ignore it mostly because doing the right thing might be boring and old fashion to them and then they embrace the lies….All I ve to say is our body is the temper of God and we would all be accountable for what we used it for…

  31. Mz Socially Awkward...

    July 10, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    Ah, I gerrit now… 🙂 Thanks for explaining!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 10, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      That was to BN…

  32. Girl

    July 10, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    Like you said “I too have worn a number of what-on-God’s-good-earth-was-she-thinking outfits back in my days.”
    So let females who are still “in their days” go through the phase. It’s only right to express yourself, see what works (or doesn’t) for you: get it out of your system and move on. Unfortunately, we can’t learn from other peoples mistakes.
    Now if you are forty and roaming around half naked, it just screams desperation. If you are young and looking good, enjoy it, be as naked as you want!!! It’s only a matter oftime before everything starts to face south anyway.

    • Maxime

      July 11, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      I get your point and agree that there should be room for some youthful exuberance, but I absolutely think it’s possible to learn from others’ mistakes… in fact, I would much rather learn from someone else’s mistake than go around making mistakes left, right and center until I finally make the one that leads me into serious yawa. Experience is not the only teacher.

  33. RAINBOW

    July 11, 2014 at 9:14 am

    I don’t see how this post is judging anyone, if you don’t agree and feel valid when your flesh is exposed carry on but don’t accuse the writer of being judgemental or what ever. She has said her bit and you mustn’t swallow it all. Take what you can and leave the rest but if you see nothing worth taking then by all means waka pass.

    #cyber bulling is not the way to go.

  34. Jamie

    July 11, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Can you blame a woman for wanting to flaunt her beautiful. Body? When did it become a crime to celebrate the female form in all. Its beauty? If a woman wants to feel sexy and feels the only way she can do it is by wearing revealing clothes,so be it. Its her choice. Our society celebrates ‘Shock Value’ anyway and lately, women are being exposed to fashion with an edge.

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