I woke up this morning feeling weird. I’ve been in a protracted battle with my sinuses for the past two weeks. Trying to balance being well enough to keep on working with the sleep that ensues when you’re taking allergy meds. The sounds of rain against my window, along with the lights streaming through the blinds… enough indication that it was time to get up.. time to get back on that grind.
Do you sometimes wonder if we’re really just hamsters in one big cage? We’re constantly running around in this huge orb, chasing one dream or the other. We chase and chase and chase until we achieve our goal. Then we find something else to chase. Then something else. And some more. Sometimes we’re just trying to fill a vacuum and so we strive. And strive some more. Sometimes, all we need is someone to just hold us in a warm embrace saying “Stop. Breathe. Smile”. One hug that says it all.
Am I waxing lyrical again about the awesomeness of hugs in a round about way? I can dedicate an entire book to the fuzzy feeling that comes from hugs. I almost thrive from body contact from loved ones. No, not that irritating type where people just breathe over your neck.. Mba! I mean that nice body to body “I know you love me as I love you, and we’re comfortable in each other’s love” way. As the ‘auta’ of my family, I was constantly snuggling up to someone or the other. When it was time for 10pm movies on DBN (80s & 90s kids would remember this TV station), I’d grab my pillow (to support my sucking tongue moves) and crawl all over my brothers. My older brother didn’t mind. But my immediate older brother would kick me and tell me to ‘gerrout’. I am a natural hugger. I love you? Best believe I’m hugging you to oblivion. Ain’t no shame in my game.
However, I have some friends who don’t have time for that hot mess. Amina (also known as CEMENT) can slap you if you come near her with that hugging rubbish. When she was pregnant, I made her some peppersoup and took to her house. Then the impossible happened. She hugged me. It was a landmark moment in our friendship. I told her that I’d have made the peppersoup a lot sooner.
Understanding that people express their feelings in different ways is very essential to every relationship.Sometimes, a person’s ‘apparent’ standoffish personality is not necessarily a test of how they feel. For some people, their ‘language of love’ is in the giving of gifts; for some people it’s in their being available when you need them; for others it’s meeting your physiological needs.
As much as I love giving and receiving hugs, I don’t find it strange that some people don’t hug. I remember meeting someone who told me that my Mum was the first person who ever gave her a hug. My mother can hug for two universes. My father… on the other hand…No chance. According to him, my mother is the hugger of the family.
Either way you roll, it’s important that you show love to someone. Because we’re really all just hamsters running around and many times we may not remember to stop and smell the roses (Hibiscus… if that’s what Nigerians can relate to). You really don’t know what a hug or a kind word can do to someone around you. Something as little and as cheap as a hug can work wonders in the life of someone who is frazzled or down in the trenches.
It’s also very important that you let people know how much you appreciate certain modes of expressions. If you love someone and they don’t express love the way you ‘expect’ them to, don’t stress.. just do you. I love my friend, Anne in a gazillion ways but I don’t try that hugging business near her oh! If we’re in the kitchen and she has a knife handy, I may not live to tell the tale. Ati is the same way too. I have harsh friends, yo! Ah! Some years ago, I was dealing with a little inconvenience called ‘heartbreak’. I installed myself in Mo’s house. He kept me plied with Amala and booze while I cried away my soul. Not once did he hug me, but I knew that there was nowhere else I’d rather be at that time. Because I didn’t need a hug to know he would always be there for me in the most difficult times.
I hope you you have enjoyed reading this piece, because I feel a lot better now than I felt when I first started writing. I can actually take on the world, safe and secure in the knowledge that I have friends and family who’ve got my back… hugs or no hugs!
Have a beautiful week ahead.
Peace, love & celery sticks (I’m gonna give this another try… Yuck.Yuck. Yuck)
Photo Credit: Dreamstime | DarrenBaker