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Isio Knows Better: Cook Me Something Delicious

Isio De-laVega

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Isio-Knows-Better-May-2014-Bellanaija1-562x600I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.

Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!
***

It was one of those exasperating days I needed to just get my mind, body and soul together in order to write something halfway decent. As it were, only my soul was ready… my mind and body seemed to have other interests.

“Elena’s Ghost! Elena’s Ghost! Please don’t bother me, I want to watch Elena’s Ghost on Telemundo!” This was my mind…

Now she was back-flipping in rebellion and grinning wickedly. Of course my body agreed with this part of my consciousness and whined about not haven been to the spa in ages.

“Aw, sharrappppp you two! You are unbelievable…” I admonished those parts of my consciousness. I tried to develop what would be my first sentence when…

Gring, gringggggg, gringgggggggggggggggg!

It was my friend Kola.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind social calls and Kola is a nice guy, but he just had a way of being contrary at times, it can be quite exhausting. All I could hope for was that this wouldn’t be unpleasant. With that thought in mind, I picked up…

“Hey, I just wanted to call and say hi and to apologise for falling asleep at the movies last night.”

Ohhhh, that…

“That’s okay. People sleep.” I answered, relieved.

“I can’t believe you didn’t wake me!” he scolded.

What am I supposed to say to that? I scratched my chin and pondered this…

He cut into my thoughts and said, “Anyway, I saw your pics on Instagram. So you can cook? Cook me something delicious, I am hungry. I am swinging by your place in a few to come and eat.”

I had no choice but to chuckle. WHATTTTTTT? See e mouth like “cook me something delicious”.

Patiently I said, “I don’t understand…”

“Well, you cook, and I am hungry, so I want you to cook for me. I am trying to ask you out, and surely you must know that when we start dating, you will be cooking for me. It is your duty as my woman.”

At this point I had to laugh at his sense of culinary entitlement. Big, thunderous longggggggggggggggggggggg laughter -the kind that makes other people around you start laughing in confusion and alarm.

“Kola, abeg. First of all, we are neither dating, nor are you my fiancé. You didn’t even ask if I am seeing someone, you did not even consider whether or not I want to date you sef, but you don dey give me rules and regulations from your prospectus. You try. Anyway, I am not a fan of privilege without responsibilities.”

“What do you mean by privilege without responsibility? You won’t cook for ME?” he sounded agitated.

“I mean that you cannot demand the privilege of a husband without taking care of the responsibilities of one. A delicious home cooked meal is what a husband should get when he comes home every night. That privilege doesn’t even extend to a “boyfriend” ALL THE TIME. If he is sooooooooo hungry and I pity him, he will get noodles and one boiled egg. Or bread and egg. That’s it. And even that definitely does not extend to any waka-pass suitor. It is like me at this stage being entitled to your money or asking that we share a joint account”.

He replied, “Lai-lai. How can we have a joint account? Even if we were married sef, that’s impossible. But, I am serious, if we start dating you can’t make me noodles o! I want real food. Eba, amala, fufu. I can manage pondo-yam sef. What is bread and egg?” He was stuttering now. Wow… a hungry man was really an angry one.

It was my turn to speak again, so I chose my words carefully, “You’ve been eating and surviving before we met, so you will be fine. Besides, if you were REALLY, truly hungry, you will not have the energy to “select” what you want to eat. You would appreciate any thing given to you.” I responded calmly.

“It is an AFRICAN woman’s culture to cook for a man. That was what our mothers did for our fathers!”

“Exactly. And our men also hunted wild beasts, carried them on their shoulders across the forest and brought them home for dinner. They skinned these animals with primitive knives. Culturally, African men build their women houses with their bare hands, defend the village and fight off their rivals with machetes and nothing but a loin cloth strapped across their waist. Show me the antelope you killed in the forest today, or even the bow you put a quiver to, and I will cook you something delicious.

And then there were a few moments of silence.

He mumbled something and then hung up.

That was NOT the last time we spoke, but it was the last time we spoke about that.

My mother used to tell me of a popular Urhobo saying- If you turn yourself to sugar, dem go lick you finish. The first time she said it to me I laughed and said,

“Ohhhh, that’s so funny mommy!”

But it’s true. No offence to Kola and anyone who enjoys cooking for their suitors or boyfriends (not husbands or fiancés o) three times a day. But three decades on this God’s green earth I have learnt that rewarding without accountability and giving privileges without responsibilities is a recipe for disaster and what we Nigerians like to call see-finish. Case in question; Kola. What is wrong with noodles and egg? Is it not food? He is even selecting sef. Odiegwu.

And the same goes for the male folk.

Consider this: a man who desires to be more than just a friend to a woman who clearly does not see him in the same light, decides to bestow ALL his husbandly privileges to her in spite of this. He gives her the emotional, financial and physical privilege of him without her being responsible to and for him in the way that a committed wife should be. We don’t need a soothsayer to see that he has simply placed in her hands his everlasting mumu-button. And oohhh, how thoroughly she shall press it.

It is simply human nature… If you turn yourself to sugar, dem go lick you finish.

The fascinating irony to the man’s case is that the woman may actually end up falling in love with him anyways.

But some men. Especially some of these our Nigerian men… hmmmn. Hardened somebodies like Dangote cemented floors. Their hearts are strong like waterless eba left out overnight in Harmattan season. Dem go lick you so teyyy, even your skeleton will not be complete for burial. 

So, for me. No privilege without responsibility, abeg o.

But for those who will reward their waka-pass suitors anyway, please cook a BIG POT. In fact TWO BIG POTS! Then buzz me to come collect. God bless you as you do so. No noodles and egg o. As a confirmed Urhobo girl, I shall be wanting Ukodo and Starch and owo soup with periwinkle and “bush” fish. God bless you as you do so. Here is a big kiss in advance, mwaaaaah!

Happy Tuesday my beauties!

Isio De-laVega Wanogho is a Nigerian supermodel, a multi-award winning media personality and an interior architect who is a creative-expressionist at her core. She uses words, wit and her paintings to tell stories that entertain, yet convey a deeper meaning. Follow her on Instagram @isiodelavega and visit her website: http://www.idds.pro to see her professional body of work.

163 Comments

  1. Doxa

    September 9, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Hmmmm….I don learn new something; If you turn yourself to sugar, them go lick you finish!

    • Asgrl

      September 9, 2014 at 10:45 am

      That made me laugh hard!

  2. Hey

    September 9, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Hmmmmm, na only man matter this Isio dey always talk about yet you never marry. Not that you don’t have the right to talk about this issue but give it a rest and the men will start coming. I am saying this because this relationship matter, e get as e be. Man and woman matter ehn, nobody for this life understand am. Even Solomon with hin plenty wives, you go think say e understand am, but he said one of the four things he didn’t understand in life is how a man behaves with a woman. Let’s get to my whole point, if you like Cook if you like no cook for boyfriend or fiancé, it doesn’t mean anything at all. You will find the one that loves you for who you are whether dem don lick you finish or not. Some people sef, na the one when dem don lick finish dem dey like. The one who cooks for all and sundry gets love and happiness likewise the one who cannot boil water. To each her own.

    • koins

      September 9, 2014 at 10:27 am

      A relationship or marriage is not the ultimate goal for some people. All isio is saying is that she knows better than before. If her area of enlightenment is men and relationships. So be it. All that matters is that she knows better than before 🙂

    • Hey

      September 9, 2014 at 10:55 am

      So my dear what’s knowledge and enlightenment without fruits? You go school finish and even get PhD yet no work and can’t feed yourself, is that not foolishness? What’s the endgame of enlightenment? She has all the knowledge about marriage and relationship still no life partner she can openly share with the public, is that not foolishness? Abeg I didn’t write my comment to attack anybody or her I. Particular. I was only sharing my opinion the same way she freely shares her but since you brought out your sword, na canon I go bring and next time, nuclear bomb.

    • Ms Geeky 30

      September 9, 2014 at 2:20 pm

      @ Hey, please what exactly are you saying if not attacking her? Just because she is not yet married does not mean she has no experience to share about the opposite sex. Maybe she even knows more about men than the person who dated just the one person and got married at 21/22.

      Maybe, she is not married because she does not want to be married at the moment, not for lack of being asked. Or maybe, crazy as it might sound to you, she is taking her time to find the right person for her rather than walk down the aisle with someone/persons who are available, but not compatible or suitable for her.
      Her post definitely did not say do not cook while dating, I think she is trying to say that everything she has experienced so far teaches her that this is not the way she wants to live her life i.e any guy coming up to her should understand the principle of earning trust, being accountable before wanting to enjoy fringe benefits and that includes cooking amongst other things. I say kudos to her for sticking to her guns.
      When the right person comes along Isio, he will understand and love you for all of you. You will not have to be anything other than who you are. You will not have to be master chef in the kitchen and he will not ask of you what you are incapable of or unwilling to give at that moment in time. And even if he does, he will understand if you are unwilling to give that particular thing and treat you as a human being, deserving of respect.

      The race (when it comes to marriage in particular) is not to the swift but to the careful.

    • benny

      September 9, 2014 at 10:28 am

      So Isio has to be married to be able to talk about relationship issues ba? Aunty if u are cooking and slaving for love and validation, do so in peace. Don’t drag Isio into the little guilt this article may have sprayed on u

    • Tosin

      September 10, 2014 at 10:37 am

      I just read the whole thing. To be honest, “two big pots” is funny. I once ate some such girl’s food. She cooked for him. I tried to help her, but it was what she wanted, what culture wanted. He cooked for me. I like food.

    • nawah

      February 5, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Lol,tnks o, my brother…cn u imagine…..hunger no wire am ni,if nt kola no go dy choose!

    • Onyi

      September 9, 2014 at 10:40 am

      What’s your point?

    • Jo!

      September 9, 2014 at 11:07 am

      What’s wrong with you?

    • koins

      September 9, 2014 at 11:12 am

      A sword and a smile. . You clearly cannot discern properly. I was in no way attacking you. Never said you attacked isio either. But if you are equating knowledge about relationships to knowledge acquired from school, then I’m sure you would agree that the fact that you don’t have a job in no way undermines the knowledge and experience you have gained from school. If isio has been in past relationships, the fact that she does not have a husband or better still the fact that she chooses not to share this piece of info with your nosy self in no way undermines her credibility and experience to speak on these issues. Cheers darling! And calm down..maybe you can see the humour in the article

    • Hey

      September 9, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      No need acting like you are calm because you started it. I didn’t say that she doesn’t have to talk about relationships but I said most of her articles dwell on men and relationships which I think is not healthy for anybody. She says she is a successful entrepreneur, has she ever released any article that talks about how she succeeded in a male dominated world or how she got to the height she is now despite the obstacles? Don’t you think ideas such as these will make us see her in a better light and as one who is knowledgeable than one who talks about man all the time? We women, we want to be taken seriously in our endeavours but we don’t portray it. Man, man , man all the time, we no dey tire sef? Are there not better things to talk about? Secondly about the knowledge you talked about, in my opinion, I don’t see the reason of having knowledge that will not benefit anyone yourself inclusive. Yes you went to school and have the knowledge, no one can take that from you, then what next? You get knowledge to help yourself, and others. If it cannot help anyone, no need for it. Period. Thirdly, no one knows about me or my private life, whether I cook or not is no one’scup of tea but mine. It has not helped the world in anyway and my life is still going the way I want it.

    • Pacey

      September 9, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      There’s more than one way to be a feminist.

    • benny

      September 9, 2014 at 11:34 am

      I get irritated quite often but LAWDDDDDDDDDDDDD iv never been as irritated as I am right now; reading the mental diarrhea u spewed on this page. Especially ur response to what @koins wrote.
      U r part of an archaic system. Eager to jump on everything the new age brings into ur life while contributing nothing but backwardness to the world. Please crawl back into the cave that spewed you. Abeg!

    • Hey

      September 9, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Abeg shut up! What are you saying? What have you contributed to this world Mr or Mrs two goody shoes who has helped the world overcome all it’s problems? Please start naming them one after the other. Rubbish! I made a comment and an opinion, tell me why you have to respond to mine. Can’t you be independent for once and say what’s on your mind irrespective of what others think? Must you do follow follow and respond? Nonsense. Continue being irritated and when you are done, do us a favour and jump into the sea and die so that bad people like us can continue living in the world since the world is too bad for you or you are too good for the world. Heaven is waiting for you and leave us in peace. Rubbish!

    • Annie

      September 9, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Wetin Isio do you beg? Maybe you should start writing too or something, abi Isio tiff something from you? You sound like you hate the babe, no vex ehh if i am right, take your hate else where, i look forward to reading Isio’s write up like every week, if she stops cos of u ehh, i/we go find you ooo….On a lighter note, Isio writes on topic she enjoys write on, and on hot gist na, free the babe..

    • Hey

      September 9, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Abeg Annie I no hate am o. If I hate am, I no go dey read her articles. If you see my first comment, it was just a line that says she talks about men a lot. Before you know it, people start to respond to my comment and I gast defend myself. I no dey take rubbish from anybody not even from myself. I love the way she writes and since I don’t know her personally, I can only base my opinion on what she dishes out on BN every time. Isio, Abeg I no hate you because I no know you. But make you suffri suffri dey talk about man matter because e fit kill person if you take am seriously. Abeg tell us how you take start your business, who give your idea, how the idea take come, which obstacles you face, the money nko, how you take get am? Bank borrow you abi you save from your modelling job? Please Abeg, na that kain story I wan dey hear mix with man matter so I know your life is not one sided and I can learn from a fellow successful woman. With this, I sign off, I gast dress up for work.

    • Ade

      September 9, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      What are you on about? Isn’t she the same person who wrote about rape and abuse, dementia, tribalism vs racism, liar-liar, cursing and online bullying? What about that winchi-winchi article, skin color and discrimination, an ode to my creator and so on? I didn’t know those topics were “all about men”. Please if you don’t know what to say please take several seats. SMH at your ignorance.

    • Changing Faces

      September 9, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Have you considered writing your own article, instead of dictating what someone else writes about?

    • I Love Isio

      September 9, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      The hey writer is psychologically castrated

    • ade

      September 9, 2014 at 1:41 pm

      Thank you Benny!! And point of correction for HEY! Isio no dey talk about only man matter!!!! you obviously do not read her write up…please do they are very interesting and hilarious and surreal……….mschew yeye

    • yOMI bLACK

      September 9, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      sharrap no insult my sista oh

    • Tiki

      September 9, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      So you need to marry to have common sense? Is it not the same brain a single girl has which a married girl has? Or does marriage bestow one with an extra lobe or magical powers?

      Mschew.

    • Just me

      September 9, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      @Hey your first line was obviously a personal attack. I guess you have not been reading most of her articles on different subjects. I think if you are tired, you may just skip her articles on BN. I personally love her articles about men, so if you no like am abeg leave am than to talk trash about her not being married.

    • Annie

      September 9, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      My Dear, Hey doesn’t understand that ‘man’ gist is always an interesting gist for babes, just like ‘woman’ gist is to them…Isio biko, abeg, mbok don’t stop giving us gist on man matters, you hear?…

    • Mama mia!!!

      September 9, 2014 at 7:14 pm

      Hey, what is the problem? Person don lick your sugar finish abi you don lick person sugar finish? which one? All she’s said on here is the very honest truth. Not getting married even makes you see things clearly wonder why Oprah remains queen of the Talk? Give it a rest already with the marriage thing it is getting quite old and I mean that literally! Isio, abeg keep them coming! I’m yet to find that one write up by you I disagree with. Plenty kisses. Plus, go easy on the bush meat for now. lol

    • Kili

      September 9, 2014 at 7:37 pm

      We have seen one of them. Those once that will go and do the whole boyfriend’s family’ laundry on Sundays. Sunday-sunday tonic. Lool. Calm down please it’s not that serious.

    • NaijaPikin

      September 9, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      The nerve of some people. DO you personally know Isio? How do you know she doesn’t have a man? How do you know finding a man is a priority for her? You need to get your head checked. You have big issues. Keep letting marriage define your success in life. rusbbish

    • [email protected]

      September 10, 2014 at 10:13 am

      @Hey this is her disclaimer ‘” i sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that i know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago.”
      So madam Hey leave her alone!

  3. Ivy

    September 9, 2014 at 10:16 am

    LMSAO! This made my day. Personally, i ensure i tell any would be-suitor that i cannot cook, if that is why you want to marry me biko take a major hike.

    • Doxa

      September 9, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      Me too. Infact I sing it like a song (even though I can cook very well, I don’t just like cooking). The amazing thing is that they always think you are lying/joking and will now be expecting you to be cooking. When you remind them that you had informed them, they will now be talking that ‘African woman’ talk. The thing done tire me abeg, I will try to cook for my husband as the Lord empowers me, but make all these suitors/boyfriends/fiancés them free me jare. Wetin?

    • nawah

      February 5, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      Tnk God say I see percn wey hate cooking like me

  4. koins

    September 9, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Loooooooool!!! Isio you killed me with this one

  5. stephanie

    September 9, 2014 at 10:21 am

    U may cook or not cook,that’s really not my own o but that statement ,privileges wtout responsibility,I have been there and it hurts like hell…Mtsewww

  6. Anne

    September 9, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Isio u are a correct somebody! My new best quote ever! ”f u turn yourself to sugar, them go lick you finish’ Why would I cook for any guy that isn’t my fiancé or that I’m at least in a serious relationship with? Like u said Isio if u want wifely duties from a girlfriend then be prepared to perform the duties of a husband. Imagine going to an ordinary boyfriend’s house to cook, clean and do his laundry!! Say wetin happen! Basically sha ‘to each his own’.

  7. Loulou

    September 9, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Loooooollllllllll, Isio u will not kill a person with laugh “But some men. Especially some of these our Nigerian men… hmmmn. Hardened somebodies like Dangote cemented floors. Their hearts are strong like waterless eba left out overnight in Harmattan season. Dem go lick you so teyyy, even your skeleton will not be complete for burial” hehehehehe

    And its true, give people a mile and they’ll go the whole nine yards, no be only eba and semo, tifunloro! I agree with you o, no yeye coming to cook and sleep over and wash clothes if there’s no accountability (borrowing ur word). Those are privileges of a husband ONLY!

    Good one Isio, and i believe you no be small!!!!

  8. XENA

    September 9, 2014 at 10:31 am

    I just remember a saying I guess it goes like this “if u like cook with diamonds and do chinese ninja styles in bed if the guy will not marry you he will not marry you.”

    • Annie

      September 9, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Gbam, if you want to cook do it cos you want nd not cos guy demands, if u want hang legs for fan do all the doable styles u want to do, man wey no go marry u no go marry you!

  9. Onyi

    September 9, 2014 at 10:39 am

    ARGHHHHHHH I LOVE YOU ISIO!!!!

  10. Toby

    September 9, 2014 at 10:39 am

    I DON LAFF DIE! I literally just spat coffee all over my computer at work. I relate so much with your articles, probably cos I know that’s almost exactly the way i write. The other day, a “toaster” asked me to describe how to cook stew for him, as a mumu nice girl, I offered to come and cook it for him cos his house is on my way home after work (i’d never been to his house btw). Na hin story story start “actually i’m not at home, i’m on my way to drop my friend off at akute” *insert surprised smiley* odiegwu. see person I wan pity before.. Na so the boy start to beg later, “please come weekend na, i’ll buy everything ready, infact we’ll have time to be closer…bla blah blah black sheep”. I told him a big fat NO, and I told him I didn’t know what got into me that made me make that offer but it won’t happen again. I absolutely agree with you. I have done it in the past and i tell you, most of these our Nigerian men take it for granted. The law of see finish, when they see you finish, ur worth begin to diminish. You are even nice, indomie and boiled egg. Na suya I go buy for am and he will drink garri with it

    • OmogeNaija

      September 12, 2014 at 10:57 am

      or you will ask him to buy suya or barbequed chicken on his way and then I will give him oyo garri, ice, water, sugar and milk if he so desires, your comment cracked me up

    • nawah

      February 5, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Lmao

  11. happychick

    September 9, 2014 at 10:41 am

    loool isio my correct gurl, u had me laughing so hard at work my colleagues had to give me the look…hehehehe I don’t care, as for me, I think this relationship thingy is a gamble o, because I know gurls who cooked their way into the mans life o, as in the man ate food and gbam they married, and gurls that were forming international chef and still got dumped, but anyways each to his own oo it can be over emphasized sef, as for me I make decent meals when he does some ”marvelous things o” as my way of making him happy, and I totally agree wiv ur momma on the sugar thingy, we have to give them sweet, sour, small bitter and even spicy to get their head spinning , and trust me am gud at that…biko have to get back to work

  12. happychick

    September 9, 2014 at 10:42 am

    *it can’t be over emphasized*

  13. Anonymous

    September 9, 2014 at 10:43 am

    I couldn’t agree with you more Isio.

  14. Asgrl

    September 9, 2014 at 10:50 am

    General rule of thumb for me ” don’t start anything you won’t be able maintain in a relationship” i.e. Cleaning hose, washing clothes, cooking, etc. I’ve never done it and never will.

    My stance was further cemented by a male friend who said in front of other friends, ” why do women perform wifey duties for men who are not their husbands?” . And all these negros were yaaaaasing and nodding their head in agreement. Including the ones that go soup pot diving and begging from friends every weekend. LMAO! Notto Me!

    • Grown Woman

      September 9, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      very true, once you start doing all the chores, some men believe its your responsibility mxm

    • Kili

      September 9, 2014 at 7:41 pm

      But u know if u are having sex with him, it is still the same thing.
      Sooooooo before we go all gangsta on all dem iya alase and alagbafo let’s think about it.

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      hahaaa @dem iya alase and alagbafo ……u just killed me

    • Anne

      September 11, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      Are u implying that pleasure from sex is just for the man?? Cos if ure getting pleasure also then it doesn’t count.

    • berger n akara

      September 13, 2014 at 1:48 am

      honey..it’s not the same thing..body nor be firewood oo.. I’m I having sex with him just because he like it or I love sex ?

  15. miss max

    September 9, 2014 at 11:02 am

    “To each his own” i would say but i agree with you ‘Privileges without Responsibility and Reward without Accountability’ are perfect recipes for disaster. E.g the Nigerian state.

  16. Irene

    September 9, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Lovely write up,seriously tink cookin for a boyfrnd should b done once in a long while nt often,alwaz lookin forward to tuesdays

  17. I want to be anonymous on this

    September 9, 2014 at 11:10 am

    I cooked, cleaned, washed even pounded yam when I went to visit my ex in London cus he said he likes the traditional pounded yam. Even after all I did he left after 8 years! I have a friend who never cooked for her husby when they were dating and eventually got married. She has 5 maids for different chores. A man will leave or stay whether u cook well or not.

    • Cosmic

      September 9, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      Wow! 8 years??? U must be a humble girl to have stayed with him that long. Send me ur details I want to marry u# Winks

    • tobiloba

      September 11, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Sharp guy!!

    • Oyin

      October 9, 2014 at 9:04 pm

      Gbam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100 %correct…

  18. Domt

    September 9, 2014 at 11:12 am

    yes oh. if you turn yourself to sugar, them go lick you finish. just like the way you make your bed so you lay on it. I must write it down and paste it on my wall. Nice 1 Isio

  19. chee

    September 9, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Isio don turn prof for these matters ooo but truth be told ‘she. Is brave enough to confront salient issues in relationships.women should stop being “overnice” to men trying to impress them cos it doesn’t guarantee you’ll become “mrs”……besides these are duties u go do TiRe,it’s ok to do d cooking stuff once in a while to show love but u really have to observe d person lest a man with heart like dangote cement floor(lmao)turn u into kilimanjaro eatery!dats my take on this.

  20. thelma

    September 9, 2014 at 11:26 am

    lol. u always make me smile and lol for real. u r a real good writer .fresh and hilarious whilst conveying a lesson/message . thumbs up….secret admirer of ur write ups…wink

  21. LILO

    September 9, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Doesn’t it all depend on why you are doing it? Ah,..when Le Boo shows up with chanel boy bag for my birthday, are you saying I’m doing aseju by making him jolloff rice and moi moi with fried goat meat stew? Relationship is give and take. As long as you don’t feel like a slave or feel unappreciated or feel used by these kind of gestures, then i see nothing wrong. My own bf rewards me for cooking so call me selfish, but I enjoy the reciprocity. I agree though…don’t turn yourself into a house girl in the process.

  22. RS

    September 9, 2014 at 11:27 am

    I’m bookmarking this…. “If you turn yourself to sugar them go lick you finish”.. let the church say Amen!!

    • nawah

      February 5, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      Amen!!!!!

  23. Iyke

    September 9, 2014 at 11:32 am

    It is in the nature of a woman to NURTURE! If you are a good cook, and it’s no big deal cooking for your man, thumbs up. At the same time, life would be more easy if everyone would be a Joe (knows how to cook) instead of looking for a Joe(who knows how to cook).
    Am a man. I am fit. And Fit MEN cook!
    #enoughsaid

    • SOS

      September 9, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      I would love to be a distant freind of yours in all honesty. The wisdom in your words speaks volume…if you had like to be do get in touch at [email protected]. #noprejudice

  24. KeepingItReal

    September 9, 2014 at 11:40 am

    If sex is the recipie for a man to marry you, then Porn Stars should all write a book on “how how to keep a man with your V”
    If cooking him different delicacies will trick him into marrying you, why then are some chefs single?
    STOP! Playing His Wife, before you get the Ring. Don’t be sewing and wearing uniforms to churches or events especially Naija event with a man that’s NOT your husband.
    I wrote on Facebook one time, how African men underestimate their women. You should see American men talk about going home to eat dinner, or how their wives or girlfriends made them lunch and they get so excited taking about it; like they’ve found a cure for cancer
    which in most cases, majority of them coming home to home-cooked meals does NOT happen often.
    But that’s what African women do all the time, but the men get so comfortable, coming home to home cooked meals that they become unappreciative and selfish.

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      YES!!!! Totally agree with you. i don”t get the wearing uniforms tho..seriously lool.

  25. oludara Ogunbowale

    September 9, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Hmm..Women don suffer from this part of the world o! Its enough when your husband asks you to cook something delicious…Can You Imagine…A potential boyfriend..he has some guts!Men need to meet more women like ISio seriously..Women are to easy to come by these days that it looks like we are begging to be married …jeez! Marriage sef na responsibility;I go to weddings and I dont just see dance,make up,beautiful wedding gowns and couples kissing…You know what I see?I see hours of prayers,Many hours of cooking,I see delivery rooms,I see argument times,I see plenty of sacrifice or compromise and submission..whatever you call it..Women need to be pampered before marriage abeg cos they have a lot to do in marriage so Guys should better eat out well before marriage and stop looking for women to cook for them cos shes going to do all the cooking in marriage anyways..let her rest ah ah kilode..thumbs up Isio* Silence Officer ex-may*

  26. sika

    September 9, 2014 at 11:49 am

    I always tell men who expect me to do things for them because their mother does it (either to them or their father) to run along and marry their mother. Naija men can be full of bull. so entitled. this culture makes them entitled and their mothers have made it worse. The day a man tells me my place is in the kitchen, is the day the relationship ends. I am nobodys slave. If you want 3 meals a day you better hire a darn chef. I never cooked for boyfriends and quite frankly, my husband shouldnt expect me to cook for him everyday..and then go to work..and then care for babies…and then contribute money to housekeeping/feeding/school fees etc.. is he mad? am i superwoman? That geezer has to CHILL! ..and marry a house girl or door mat..because im not about to be a superwoman to a dude who isnt my superman.

  27. benny

    September 9, 2014 at 11:52 am

    Isiooooooo… I have this friend from a while back; this young lady came over to my city and we met up. Aunty told me about a man who had been on her case and she was going to finally agree to date him. The first day he came over, young man was wearing a wedding band; young man was not so young and young man spoke about his wife and kids (quite fondly I must add). This is how they started getting down right before me. na me shame turn eye. Anyway,the next day,aunty and I were in the market buying food items for the new lover. She even chastised me for not cooking for my man at the time. In her words “the way to a man’s heart is through his d*ck and his stomach. Feed him well and screw him well and he is all urs”. Iv heard a lot in this my short stay on earth but none so stupidddddd.
    Anyway, na so we go house. Aunty cooked soup, cooked stew, scatter fish, scatter meat. I ate o; dividends of democracy mbok. then this guy came over. She served him like a maid will serve a master and then here is where e pain me pass. He finished and ordered her like. “Kike (not real name pls) go to the kitchen and get me more. It was a barked order in the middle of a makeout session. She protested a bit and he repeated more sternly and she went and got more and served him. My head was hottttttttttttt… hotttttttttttttt…. what killed me at the end of the day was finding out that it was the same day she told me about this man that she met him. The same day she claimed he had been on her case was the day she got his phone number. That SAME DAY she began wifely planning and duties. I don’t know for girls abeg. I don tire. E be like say I write pass Isio own sef.

    • Annie

      September 9, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      Bottomline, i am sorry ur anty in sick in the head, first she lied and all, then he is married? choi, wetin him give the babe chop to make her do all of that for him in just no time after they met? Nna e no too clear oooo

    • Pacey

      September 9, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      I don’t think Aunty was sick at all oh! Konji hook am, that’s all. What makes you think that women don’t get horny and want to pay someone (with food in this case) for sex?

  28. Chinwendu

    September 9, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Wo i realized that no matter what you do, if a man doesn’t want to marry you he wouldn’t. When i was dating my husband i did not do all dat cook n wash cloth for ,me nonsense, not that i didn’t like him that much but bcos i now know better than before so dia for marry me first then you can ‘taste’ me n my washing n cooking. Now we are married and sure enough he is tasting everything very well. so please save yourself the regret n energy biko!

  29. nornorme

    September 9, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    …Isio you soo damnn ryt!No need performing wifely duties if you have not been wifed up.Its the golden age and you need not elevate your position by pushing yourself up in the wife zone when he is clearly still in the boyfriend zone….Works for some,doesn’t work for some.

  30. Beverly

    September 9, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Lol @ bush” fish., is there anything like that……… I totally agree that there should be no Privileges without Responsibility .

  31. Berry Dakara

    September 9, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    And Isio has DROPPED THE DAMN MIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Loved it from beginning to end! And I’m glad yoi wrote about how it goes both ways. Great job!

  32. Eyitayo

    September 9, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    lol Isio my damsel babe “Hardened somebodies like Dangote cemented floors. Their hearts are strong like waterless eba left out overnight in Harmattan season” dont wound me with laff abeg

  33. nene

    September 9, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Lmfao……………..i have been LAUGHING OUT LOUD…this is hilarious and sooooooo sooooooo true…

  34. our love is sweet

    September 9, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    Wetin pain me pass be say many come here to say one thing and do otherwise in reality, thereby misleading others.

    Relationship is not a one size fits all. There are people whose hobby is making others happy by cooking or doing chores. Many give without expecting anything because it is who they are.

    For the wise, don’t b weary in well doing for in so doing many have entertained angels. Don’t withhold from sowing day and night for you know not that which will be fruitful among them all.

    Be yourself in all relationships. Don’t change because Isio said/knows so; don’t change who you are because you want a ring. If its your hobby, If that is your own way of expressing yourself/love, keep at it bcos the diligent ones shall stand before kings/be rewarded in due season.

    If being a bad girl works for you, fine. All I know is that good girls scarce and even though men chase the bad ones, it’s to pass time. They can never let go of the good ones cos in them they find peace, friendship, mother of their kids, a good manager and a sweet home.

    • aj

      September 10, 2014 at 4:09 am

      you really believe what you typed hun? loooool

    • mimi

      September 10, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      LMAO!!!! Aimoye bad girls that are married. “good girl” well done o. If you want to cook no one is stopping you but please carry all this your self-righteousness away jor! Nonsense

  35. Asabe

    September 9, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    ISIO, you are great!!! On this topic, I totally agree with you especially on the sugar licking thingy. I think what made our men so spoilt and feel so entitled to all our nurturing abilities is the abundance of women who believe having a man is the only purpose to achieve in this life! so, they go the extra mile doing the cooking, cleaning and sleeping acts with an appreciative smile for every guy that asks for more than their names. I think most mothers share the blames too, by lecturing the male child on the rights they are to expect from the female folks without instilling the knowledge of the responsibilities to be discharged before the can demand or have access to such rights.
    Anyways, for those that believe in cooking and sleeping to get a man, more grease to their elbow. For those who believe in being themselves (with or without the cooking part), God help you! and for those who have had a manual reset from ISIO’s article, God bless you!!
    And Isio, pleaseeeeeeeee don’t stop writing…..! on anything that comes to your mind (especially men and relationships!)…thanks for always spicing up my Tuesdays. LOVE YOUUUUUU!

  36. Oma N

    September 9, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Wow Isio!!! I love your article mehn!!! I don’t care what anyone says but what she’s saying is the truth!. For someone like me that loves cooking, I would only do so because I want to, not to please him or give privileges he doesn’t deserve…..Keep up the good work Isio,we your fans are solidly behind you except you write something I don’t support……lol

  37. Georgia

    September 9, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    U r such an inspiration Isio

  38. hella

    September 9, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Isio am just loving you jare don’t mind all these haters

  39. miss max

    September 9, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    keepingItReal, did you say they sew uniforms to attend church and other events? i guess it also follows this trend of living together before marriage. well…. to each his own as i said earlier

    • Keeping itReal

      September 9, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      Yes! In Texas we have one of the.most Nigerians in the U.S, and you attend Nigerian events and see boyfriend and girlfriend wearing Ankara and lace like it’s their traditional wedding, and when such relationships don’t work out, everyone knows. Some even go ahead to get pregnant, thinking that will keep him. You can never tie a man down by that.

  40. Koffie

    September 9, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Isio love, this write up was very hilarious.
    For some of us, sometimes we feel generous enough and the cooking mojo is there, so no biggie but at other times, you won’t look Uche face. Even when female friends visit, I sometimes cook for them. It’s not something I do in expectation of something but I get Isio’s point. If a dude were to feel entitled however, even if I earlier felt like cooking, all he’d get is a glass of water.

    • CallmeZara

      September 9, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      Please I want to be your friend

  41. hatred for nigerian meñ yet you want them

    September 9, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Enough of ‘nigerian men eish’
    The level at which BN girls/ladies hate Nigerian men is alarming. The irony is that many of you still want to marry them.

    Don’t always join the band wagon and say what you don’t know. How many countries have you been to amd how many of their men have you under studied?

    Forget telemundo and movies o and lets talk reality. I (by grace) have been to places and nigerian men ain’t as bad as you think. Go toto African countries, go to Europe, Britain or the States, go and see how ladies treat their boyfriends over there.

    If you feel the grass is greener on the other side, i challenge you to try it out.

    • Adaobi

      September 9, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      I do not think that all BN Nigerian women hate Nigerian men. Instead of seeing the message antagonistically see it as an identification of a problem. BTW, if Nigerian women did not like Nigerian men all those comments and prayers on BN for marriage would not be there.

    • nikky

      September 9, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      Permit me to call you out cuz you are wrong for this one. First as a regular bellanigerian lady I do not hate Nigerian men. Secondly I believe you missed the point of this article. She talk say she no fit cook for man way she no dey serious with ie. if you want food in a non existent relationship you better be ready to put in the work and do your part, but unfortunately there is nothing to be done here cuz Mr potential bf is not her boo therefore he can manage noodles or gerrout. The only hatred I’ve seen here is targeted at men who feel they are entitled to privileges they have no business being entitled to.

  42. sonia paloma

    September 9, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    There is so much sense to this. Sometimes making yourself the WIFE when he has not wifed you up can be a recipe for disaster, Do not take it up as your duty to clean his house, cook for him, et al. babe abeg respect yourself small and let him take care of his house after all he would if you were not there.

    It pisses me off when some boyfriends would tell a girlfriend it is their duty to do all that. From today henceforth if a man says that biko my reply will be “it is also the duty of a man to care of the woman financially and otherwise” and if you are not doing that better learn to appreciate what ever i deem fit to do for you period!

    But then again to each its own. What works for ‘Tosin’ might not work for ‘Sade’.

  43. Damsel says

    September 9, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    This is the whole truth. Thank you Isio

  44. Grown Woman

    September 9, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    hahahah Isio you are definately something else.. i guess some people naturally like to do house chores thats why they don’t mind doing all the cooking, cleaning e.t.c for their bobo.If a guy never bothers you about all this, i think he deserves the treatments once in a while but the one’s who think the kitchen is for a woman, those are the one’s you should tell them to hire a chef.These men really have no formulae, no matter what you do to them, i think its best to respect each other and do what you can and that way, life will be less complicated.Never treat him/her any special if they are not willing to do the same.

  45. creamy

    September 9, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    hmmm see him mouth like make me something delicious, Isio biko give ur mum a big hug from me chei! that quote too make sense, and it does not only apply to relationships with men it applies to everyday life, if you don’t set boundaries people will walk all over you.
    As for the cooking for man part abeg leave them let she who wants to cook for man cook the thing is women never learn, if it was by cooking the guy won’t be single na he would have married his first cook.
    Also, those who don’t want to read bout relationships biko BN has other sections please feel free to check them out.

  46. O'kel

    September 9, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    @OURLOVEISSWEET: I was content just reading and laughing my a..e off without having to say anything, but when I read your comment, my laxity evaporated. Personally I love reading Isio; her opinions usually jive with mine and did so in this instance. However, you had to come in with your ‘good girl’ theory and spoil everything.
    So the fact that a gal cooks, ‘cleants’ and slaves for her chewing gum boy makes her a good girl? A God fearing gal who is halfway to heaven? Abeg abeg abeg, enough already with the pretentious overtones. Who told you you had to slave away for a man before you prove your worth to him, who schooled you (erroneously of cos) into believing that “don’t b weary in well doing for in so doing many have entertained angels. Don’t withhold from sowing day and night for you know not that which will be fruitful among them all” applies in this instance?
    Na very wa o!!! So you think a gal is bad because she refuses to bootlick to get a ring (no matter how tarnished) on her finger eh? I di kwa egwu nne!
    Anyway, I still get work for my table, so I’d leave you with this piece: “bullshit can/may accelerate your journey into ‘marriagehood’, but it sure ain’t gonna keep you there! mtschewwww Mrs. Motherwifehomemanager!!!!

  47. AMAKA

    September 9, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    You got me at ““I mean that you cannot demand the privilege of a husband without taking care of the responsibilities of one. It is like me at this stage being entitled to your money or asking that we share a joint account”.

  48. teewhycee

    September 9, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    true.ur my heroooooooooo

  49. Priscy

    September 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Thanks Isio for this writeup.
    The annoying thing these days is that there are some ladies who do all this “wifely” duties and even “husband” duties and still end up dumped.
    I have a friend who was dating this lieutenant in the army…nothing she no do for this guy. Cooking, washing, kpanshing, cleaning and even spends her small money on him join o, coz she didn’t want the guy to think she was interested in money. The guy was then posted to Liberia for peace keeping and he begged her to wait for him coz he must wife her. Long story short, she kept her self and waited for him only for him to come back after one year to secretly marry someone else. The painful part is she found out on the night before the wedding, when she went to spend the weekend in his house(she even bought plantain to fry for him that night sef) and found the iyawo there.

    • funny BN comments

      September 9, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      [email protected] plantain. i like plantain 😀

    • ebun

      September 10, 2014 at 8:17 pm

      ROTFL

  50. Doxa

    September 9, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    That Kola is a very arrogant person true! Asking nicely probably would have gotten him the result he wanted. But no o, he had to be so arrogant about it.
    “…I am trying to ask you out, …and when we start dating…”
    Isio, the guy no even give any margin for rejection, no probability say you go turn am down, na wa oo. Maybe he thinks it’s swag.
    Please guys should learn to be polite. You can never go wrong with being polite. It doesn’t mean the girl will agree for you, but at least she will have a good perception of you. I know say no be good perception you wan chop, but it can be a starting point.
    The guy no even get manner of approach sef.
    God please deliver me from unreasonable men.

  51. funbaby

    September 9, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    lollll isiooooo oooo you have killed me today ahhhh omo na true you talk sha. There was a time I travelled for my masters, you know how Nigerian guys abroad will be looking for girls to cook some Nigerian food for them, anyways I wasn’t in for that but there was this guy that lives opposite my house we became friends and when he came over I offered him some food. The first time he ate, said thank you and left, the second time he ate said thank and left, when it was becoming too i had to end the frequent visits abeg before you turn me to ur cook.

  52. curvy ene

    September 9, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHHA. i settled down to read all the comments and am practically rolling on the floor. Isio correct girl u knw hw it is ooo. Women dnt throw ur pearls to a pig, no giving of husband privileges to a potential asshole, its not by forming good girl, in d end its d brazilian hair girl wit long nails and extensions on every orifice he will marry! enuf said, NA HOW YOU SET UR HEAD DEM GO BARB AM FOR U

    • de real Khaleesi

      October 12, 2014 at 12:04 am

      Roflmbao @ extensions on every orifice! Please don’t let me start imagining things. Hahahahahahahah

  53. oyaga

    September 9, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    My darling Isio…. I love you is all i can say.
    I know i see your write ups Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but every time i see your picture and article title, i just have a broad smile spread across my face and i open the page and leave it till i have full concentration to savor your wit, humor, advice, mastery,understanding, stubbornness and beauty on different issues.

  54. Just me

    September 9, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Any guy when de toast me I tell them straight up, I dont cook. I cant be playing the role of a wife when I dont even know how the end will be.I am not a foodie, so I cant even stress myself cooking for anybody. I knew a friend who practically played that role, furnished the guys house with her money, story ended up with the guy marrying someone else. So in the end who loose.

    • chu girl

      September 10, 2014 at 1:11 pm

      really i”m confused……y furnish a guy”s house with ur own money? I can”t comprehend

  55. Adah

    September 9, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Isio , Thank u . That “can u cook” question from men annoys the hell out of me. I understand that some people were personally affected by this write up. Sisters, Aunties and expectant wives more oil to ur pots and more smoke to ur eyes as u bless ur supposed boyfriends wit ur home managerial skills. God bless ur hustle.

    • ebun

      September 10, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      hehehe.. af die o

  56. Anna

    September 9, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    Hahaha Up Isio my urhobo sister!! I always say no cooking before marriage. It the 11th commandment. On a serious note, it takes time for both women and men to learn that age old adage… if you turn yourself to sugar dem go lick you finish!! Everyone has their learning period… as for me, I don learn am well well!

  57. Nneky

    September 9, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    isioo,my tummy wan blow, infact i no fit laugh abeg oo.Their Hearts are strong like waterless eba left out overnight in harmattan season.Dem go lick you finish like sugar so teyy your skeleton will not complete for burial. heheheh but thats true naah.sweetheart ride on, no mind bad belle people.ndi obi ufuu.

  58. ij

    September 9, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Those men who expect you to cook just because you have boobs are plenty in london, they expect you to cook and they will come and eat, infact in their fruit fly sized brains they dont understand why you will have a problem with that .
    i kuku don’t cook , i steam most of my food as per weight loss things , my fridge is the most boring fridge ever .
    After work during the week ,a guy who was asking me out called me and we were just gisting oh before i knew it , whats for dinner he asked and should he pop round? i said i don suffer , instead of you to buy take out and bring it to my house as per romantic things , i should drag my tired self to start cooking for you abi? based on what biko? Jesus must surely punish Satan oh.
    i told him my ex took me out for dinner and he never called me back

    • babie

      September 11, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      loool.. I had to laugh out loud @ ‘Jesus must punish satan’.. #correct!

  59. Bola

    September 9, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    @ IJ…i almost choked on my laughter! Too funny

  60. ChySpaRkZ

    September 9, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    ..And to think he even slept off at the movies!! He wants you to feed him fat so he’ll keep sleeping right?? Issokai… Isio, mbok don’t stop writing about any and everything, men and relationships inclusive..

  61. lol

    September 9, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    ”I am not a fan of privilege without responsibilities.”
    GBAM!!!!!
    Isio, i love you. will you marry me?

  62. Kili

    September 9, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    Thankyou for this write-up. I have experienced this a looooot of times from men at my office. It is so so irritating. They expect females to bring for them at work. The sense of entitlement is jaw-dropping.
    Emi omolomo i usually just package my food in a small food flask get to work, warm and down it. Mio raiye oshi.

  63. Keeping itReal

    September 9, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    My boyfriend is American, he taught since he’s dating a Nigerian, he will be eating some jollof rice, rice and stew, moi. Moi and other good stuff. I tell him.all the time, there’s an African restaurant down the street. Because if you give some men a free hand, they will rub it over you, if you lay too low, they’ll walk over you like a bathroom tile. He cooks for me and bring it over whenever he’s not in school. I started from the get- go, and put my feet down, what i can, and can’t tolerate. You don’t wake up years down the road, and demand what changes YOU want in.your relationship, start Early, be true to yourself, and maintain a balance.
    We’ve been dating for over a year, and only cooked for him once, God! He told all the medical students in his clinical class , he was so Excited like he.has won a lottery. But that’s what many African women do all the time, rather some men just sit their behinds back asking for more Kpomo and cow legs one their meal.

    • Blessmyheart

      September 9, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      Ok. You do realise it goes both ways, don’t you? if he cooks for you, why is it so difficult to return the favour? That’s the problem with being overly concerned about being taken advantage of, there’s a tendency to be the one taking advantage of the other person. Just as someone said above, relationship is give and take. Also remember that the article is about privileges WITHOUT responsibilities.
      Did I cook for my husband before we were married? Yes, if he was at my place and we were hungry. Mostly indomie and rice though cos I was staying alone, rarely made soups back then. He also ran some minor errands for me, such as, put on the gen, fix my light bulbs, which are tasks we still carry out as a married couple but on a larger scale.

  64. Janey

    September 9, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    I so cooked for my ex, did laundry join sef, keep the house in order. Most times I come from school
    Dude dated me for 8months and married off someone. I was so naive that I didn’t even notice anything. I face he was with me 4days to his traditional marriage date
    Anyways am 29yrs now., matured, very independent and my wedding is in a few months but I learnt the hard way.

  65. babygiwa

    September 9, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    Lol, funny post but very true. I can’t cook or clean for any man that I am not married to and if I should do it (never done it though) then it must come from my heart. If you are not my husband then don’t expect me to be your ‘wife’

  66. TA

    September 9, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Am late to this gist oo.Thank you dear Kili. If you are having sex with him but won’t cook because it will lead to see finish. I laff in Dutch. What is the fastest way to see finish? Lmao. 🙂
    I would cook if I feel like it simply because I would cook for anyone (even strangers) if they are hungry. The world is a hard and sometimes bad place but I would do a good deed for the sake of it not for anything else. In any case,the food cooking will expose his real motives and who wants a man who thinks cos I cook for him then I can be ‘seen finish’?

  67. the Ada

    September 10, 2014 at 12:57 am

    Call it curiosity or amebo but after @Hey’s tirade I googled her to see if really there was evn anything bout her work and I found her company website idds-zendesign.com. Chineke! All I can say is dear God pls bless my hustle.

    • Scorpio on the rocks

      September 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Meaning hey is isio???

    • the Ada

      September 10, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      No, I meant I googled the isio babe not the hey commenter

    • the Ada

      September 10, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      I meant I googled the isio babe not the hey commenter

  68. Amen

    September 10, 2014 at 3:28 am

    Amen!!! to the article sometimes when I read some articles, I realise how blessed I am…I never cooked for my hubby, when he was bf and fiance until we got married and he wanted joint account which I didn’t. We got one though but I hardly put anything in there. But I swore never to cook for any man prior to marriage.

  69. cee

    September 10, 2014 at 4:14 am

    Isio my delta sista me luv u much:*

  70. Akinwumi

    September 10, 2014 at 4:52 am

    @ Isio, why are so overly concern about we men?? Just because you can’t cook for a pontetial BF doesn’t make you better than those who do it ok. I personally don’t like my GF to do anything for me, even buying me a little gift because I’m sure she will still use it as a talking point in the future if things don’t workout. I’ve being following your article for sometime and what I can deduce out of it is “most of your article are fiction and you like to imagine a lot” so stop the attack on men and focus on yourself. Life aint that cruel hahan. With the comment I’m reading here I don’t think it will be appropriate for me to be asking for my wife help when I finally get married. Isio please stop making men look bad on your article all the time ok. Thanks

    • Mizz Twerk this, Mizz Twerk that

      September 10, 2014 at 9:30 am

      mmm when i read this, ” I personally don’t like my GF to do anything for me, even buying me a little gift because I’m sure she will still use it as a talking point in the future if things don’t workout. ” my (wetin Isio call am again?) caustic mind said to my sensitive soul…”there is god ooo, men can lie” LOL. See bros, life ain’t fair and life is bitch…you can make her your bitch but don’t for one second think she’ll be loyal to you because, as we all know, these hoes ain’t loyal.. Having said that, one has to do whatever they can as self-preservation lest you go expire before your time (God forbid! Jah Jehovah). Just because a girl is tired of cooking for a myraid of men that don’t give her a ring in return talkless of apologizing for hanging up on her (that…no, you’ll hear from me if that was done to me. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t say bye and just hangup or even worse, when they outrightly hangup on you as her friend Koala did to her. that’s irks me, at that point I can’t, I just can’t (don’t have asthma) but I’ll need a respirator

    • Ms A

      September 10, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      But sincerely most guys feel it is their right to be pampered this way….all the cooking and stuff. And i can totally relate with ladies who spill about buying things for their bf, usually happens when the babe is pained as the said rlship didn’t work out after all the investment. Too much expectations dey kill jare. On a lighter note, shey you’ll be my friend?

    • babie

      September 11, 2014 at 3:17 pm

      your ‘mentality’ is soo sad and I feel sorry for your girlfriend if those are your thoughts towards her.. life aint fair but we can still make it fair enough for ourselves!

  71. Kaybee

    September 10, 2014 at 5:13 am

    Well said. When you give him the milk, butter and cheese free, why would he want to buy the cow?

  72. Mizz Twerk this, Mizz Twerk that

    September 10, 2014 at 9:16 am

    gbam! case closed. waka-pass suitors (who are actually hungry lions that can’t afford to feed themselves so they form like they want you so that you will be cooking for them) start to tremble lol.
    Buut, is there anything wrong with a waka-pass bf giving you money to cook for him??? (I know you’re not his maid but what if plenty change dey? me I go turn to mama putt o lol and shop with the rest of it 🙂 just saying 🙂 )

    **Yawn** lemme go and twerk abeg

  73. Noms

    September 10, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Oniovo! WELL SAID! We all have our opinions formed from our experiences, others experineces or PURE assumptions.
    Whatever works for you please do it. I can cook very well but I don’t like shopping for food stuff hence don’t cook often.
    So, for now, i’m saving my energy for He that deserves the wahala”my husband”.
    Not to say I haven’t cooked for a guy ooo but its not mandatory for me. I have hard to travel from a long trip and still cook for my boyfriend now ex. When normally,I would never do it at home because Dear Mother always ensures there is something delicious waiting at home.
    Isio’s -No privilegdes without Commitments best describes my resolve”.
    Sooooooo, till then.

    • Tosin

      September 12, 2014 at 2:04 am

      I want to talk to you. Please do not capitalize like that again, please. He? He? Na God? Serious o, boys are just boys, ok, no big freakin’ mystique there. Just people like me and you. Don’t wait till somebody starts beating you to learn this.

  74. Tosin

    September 10, 2014 at 10:15 am

    sorry, I can’t even bear to read it all. Responsibility to cook for who? for what? Hiss.

    Isn’t there so much more fun to be had in life than making the same foods every day for one or two or five people? It’s so damn inefficient.

  75. Yours Truly

    September 10, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Ladies, stop giving boyfriends husband privileges!!!!!!!!!!

  76. [email protected]

    September 10, 2014 at 11:58 am

    While i know we say dont cook bla bla bla, some ladies do enjoy cooking and its an expression of love. I have a friend who loooooves to cook, she fantasizes about recipes and when she eventually makes the food she is ever so eager to share with her friends her boo inclusive, so he gets to eat alot of her meals. She doesnt cook its required of her she does because she enjoys it . Whatever rocks your boat as long as you are not being enslaved in the relationship….my two kobo

    • Amen!!!

      September 10, 2014 at 6:17 pm

      My dear I love to cook ooo!!! it does not help that I am a scientist as I am working in the lab, I will be thinking of food join too but my hubby no taste nothing!!! till he put a ring on it (that’s what family and friends were for) but I agree there is no one size fits all in relationships, to each his/her own but what I tell people is know what you stand for prior to a man coming in and don’t let an intending certain Mr/Mrs begin to make you do things that you would not necessarily do. Na oyinbo man tell me this over and over again “never let him milk the cow for free, he will never bother buying the cow.”

  77. dup

    September 10, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Isio Isio Isio, I love love love your articles and particularly find this one very entertaining, true & correct! Those who don’t like the article abeg take a walk na, its not by force to read @btw that’s why the society is so messed up_Women and the horrible views they have been brain washed with, but then we all can’t be the same (which is why there are diverse opinions expressed in the comments). However, Women should learn to LOVE themselves, have a healthy SELF ESTEEM & SELF WORTH maybe just maybe we all would be better for it becos some of the comments have read are just too hilarious and unbeliveable!

  78. Janet

    September 10, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! I love reading ur article.. Always funny and learning smth out of it. You are my besttest.

  79. Cee

    September 10, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Note :I’m not judging *I swear* I hate swearing though but It is funny how everyone thinks cooking for your boyfriend is “giving husband privileges” ….. What about giving him sex??… Isn’t that a husband privilege or am I just being old school? Alright I’m out of here 🙂

    • Anna

      September 10, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      No your not being old school at all!! The only difference between the two privileges is that a woman usually enjoys one more!!!! That’s what I heard oh…

  80. Curious

    September 10, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Dreamers club!!!! LOOOOL! Abeg go on somewhere with that flawed mentality; bad girl ko, good girl ni! Your so called “cherisher of good girls” will still leave the good girl he married to chase the bad girls all over town…abegi! Make una continue to dey console unaselves!

  81. the Ada

    September 10, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    No, I meant I googled the isio babe not the hey commenter

  82. mide

    September 10, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    lmao!! this post is hilarious! so true tho’. i hate hearing those “our mothers/forefathers did it” story. Why don’t you call them to come do it for you now. Like Isio said, there are prerequisites for getting those. When you say i do, you can get it all(at least 90% of the time sha)

  83. Flames

    September 10, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    In my 4 yrs plus of dating le boo, he has cooked 4 me 65% of d tym n he’s nt even a chef n I have cooked 30% of d tym, d rem 5% is 4 d tyms we ate out. I cannot b slaving away in d kitchen all d tym n u’ll com n be making ur orders on top, I already do dat @ home- as d only gal in a hoise filled wit boys- cos I have no choice, I cnt b doing it wia n wen I still have choice.

    Reading all dese comments has made me even appreciate le boo d more 😉

  84. Her majesty da queen

    September 11, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    Truth is no priviledges without commitment, by committment i mean a weding date! These niggaz will milk you dry if you allow them. Not that there arent goof ones out there but the truth is som1 are just want a woman to act the fool 4 them b4 they find who they’ll marry. Ladies just make sure you are not auditioning for the part

  85. Ready, willing and able

    September 12, 2014 at 1:21 pm

    ok that qoute reminded me of “if u make urself a ripe banana, u will be eaten by monkeys”. Isio, u are a good writer and u are not forcing any1 down the throat to read u abeg! Dnt mind the stiff pple who cannot takes the fun of ur write ups. I always look forward n so do many others so dnt stop for anyone.
    By the way, i learnt new phrases n truly urs it doesnt matter if u cook or not, what will be will be…… thumps up girl

  86. Stephanie

    September 13, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Isio I love your posts. Privileges without responsibility,people should take a cue from this one!!! Truly inspiring.

  87. Tobiloba

    September 15, 2014 at 2:26 am

    Couldn’t help but lol after reading the arrticle and the comments., because this actually happened to me today. So potential le boo came over and he was scream hunger, and i was like, i just have snack in my fridge..me sef never eat proper meal bcos my foodstuff has been exhasted.. na so e talk.. can we get some stuffs around, so u can make for us. Am like sorry o, i didnt have plans of stressing myself today… if u were my confirmed le boo, i might have made an effort..

  88. stacey

    September 15, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Isio..me loff u die!! I just wish you were my elder sister…*sobs* Things that wuda taken years to realize you just spill them and spares one future mistakes. Gracias!!

  89. Hephzibah Frances

    Frances Okoro

    September 15, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    hehehhe…Odiegwu indeed…
    and I was imagining your voice as I read even though I don’t know what it sounds like..but it sure would be interesting to hear a lady say all the above to a man and also watch the man’s face when he hears it.lmaoo.

    imperfectlyperfectlives.com

  90. Isioma

    September 19, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    Marriage is not the ultimate thing. Back in the day, people say those not married cannot wait to get in and those inside cannot wait to get out. Times have changed and so has perceptions of marriage. I support Isio’s view of no privileges without responsibility, no chop clean mouth, waka commot.
    Every lady is entitled to take as much time as she likes before settling down, most girls now even wait till they are 30 something before getting married and I don’t think its bad. They are more matured and ready to deal with all the issues and wahala that come with marriage.
    There are also the ladies that prefer not to marry, have a child and be single moms and successful women living their happy lives. If they must have sex or talk to someone, they know who to call, so everybody with their own.
    Isio abeg go on soun. Noting do you… looking forward to your next article..

  91. Yemzee

    September 22, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    A lot of times, I have read how people condemn writers work on the so called ‘man and woman’ matter on this blog. I tend to wonder if these peeps have carefully read the column title? Please what else should be written under RELATIONSHIP column than man and woman matter? @ hey, no one has compelled you to read this column as you can definately feed yourself with other inspiring columns on bella naija. Will you tell Guardian to stop publishing tuesday vacancies or will you find MAN RAPES WOMAN TO DEATH caption on Punch newspaper’s Capital market column? Please let us learn to be reasonable with our criticisms. Thank you Isio. U av done it again girl. I av learnt something new ‘No privilege without responsibilty’

  92. Peruser

    September 25, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    HAHAHA .this is so funny!

  93. Just me

    September 28, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Thank you Isio for a very thoughtful article. I enjoyed reading, and i will be reading more of your thoughts.
    Aunty! Make I no lie, your mama was right when she said, “if you turn yourself sugar, them go lick you finish” I clap for your mama, she was probably talking from a place of experience. In my three decade on earth too, I have had to learn that quote the hard way. I don cook, babysit for man, gifts for man, freebies all for man and yet get dumped like a piece of thrash. Now I take my time to assess what the man is bringing to the relationship before I turn myself to sugar for him. No more luxury for a man who would to be an ass hole. Marriage no be do or die. I want a happy home, filled with love, respect, commitment techs anything short of that, na waste of my time and energy.
    Keep writing Aunty, stick with what works for you, keep smiling. Cheers!

  94. jose

    October 3, 2014 at 9:33 am

    My isio my isio

  95. Tosin

    August 29, 2018 at 11:29 am

    I’m re-rocking some of these Isio’s articles to give myself small brain.

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