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“I asked the Holy Spirit to Open Up Everything!” Lola Akindele-Busari Talks the Role of Prayer in her Sex Life & Marriage, 1 Year after Her Testimony to BN of Finding “The One”

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Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 019About a year ago Lola Akindele shared her testimony with BN (click here to read), on how she encountered angels and God before accepting her then Muslim husband Dayo Busari as the One.

Now, fresh off celebrating her one-year wedding anniversary in Paris, the city of love, Lola discusses losing her virginity to her husband, who she describes as “the best thing that’s happened to me apart from Jesus”, the role of prayer in her sex life & marriage and more!

***

The last time my marriage was in the public eye, it raised a few eyebrows, questions, debates, and many… many… many comments – some good , some bad, some hurtful and some hilarious! Regardless, it was my testimony to share, whether people believed it or not.

I thank God that in the midst of it all, some were able to see the truth in it and my testimony was able to inspire many people, some of whom have now become good friends – and I pray that God will continue to use my marriage to glorify Him and to be a blessing on to others – and before I continue…

Yes, I do have my husband’s consent to share what I’ll be sharing below – and Yes, some parts are rather vivid, but I want to help convey a clear picture for those who will find it useful.

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Losing my Virginity
Now, it’s interesting that I can joke about S.E.X. right now – because a year ago, when we got married, to be quite frank…I was in tears when I fully realised how painful it actually was to lose my virginity. It was not a laughing matter at the time AT ALL! And I don’t mean painful in the sense that I felt I was losing a piece of myself… far from it! And it wasn’t even the fact that it just physically REALLY hurt! The thing that ‘pained me’ the most was the fact that I was with the love of my life, we had just had the most beautiful wedding with all our friends and loved ones, dancing away and popping (non alcoholic) sparkling wine… and when it was time to now Pop The Cherry…I was too afraid! I felt as though I was not fulfilling my first wifely task.

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We had stayed at the spa hotel in which we got married for a couple of days before we flew off to the Dominican Republic (and not Barbados – private joke) for the honeymoon…and I felt so distraught that I was letting my husband down. On the night of the wedding, I was full of mixed emotions. I had finally gotten married! It was all I had ever dreamed about. I had been planning the big day since forever… It was so lovely and beautiful and my husband is the best thing that’s happened to me apart from Jesus…he waited for me and respected and adopted my views on having no premarital sex from the beginning – so WHY was it so difficult to Just Do It? ‘Nike’ lied! I wanted to…but just couldn’t.

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Vaseline at the Wedding
I was very fortunate to have two married woman in my close circle of friends who gave me a lot of very useful advice, one of them even slipped me a small container of Vaseline whilst I was on the dance floor in my wedding dress, telling me I would need it for later that night. I was laughing at the time when she gave it to me. I was soon to find out (as mentioned earlier) that it was not a laughing matter at all! I was so lucky, as my wonderful husband is just the best because he was so patient and gentle.Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 014The key is to relax they say…well…according to numerous “How To…” tips on Google that is. I tried to…but I just kept hearing this voice saying…”You’re letting him down…You’re letting him down…He waited for you all these years and now that it’s time to do it you can’t!” It was horrible knowing that it felt like I could not go through with it. The pain, the anxiety, the fear of him being disappointed in me…there was no way I could relax! On top of that, I had heard a story about a young couple who had just recently gotten married and who had requested for an annulment of the marriage because of this very same situation. The wife felt as though she couldn’t go through with losing her virginity, no matter what they tried.

What the Church Says & Reality
At church, the message from the pulpit is always ‘save yourself for marriage’ – which is good…and it’s what I did. However, The Church seems to be producing batches of women who yes, may come to their married bed as virgins …but they are more or less left to their own devices after that. Old wives tales, advise from mothers and jokes about it from friends aren’t really enough to fully prepare you for what to expect. I guess everyone’s different and everyone’s first time will most certainly be different – but The Church should also have in place a platform (or a session included within their premarital counselling) whereby they’re not afraid to touch on the subject of the Wedding Night and how it’s different when marrying a virgin.Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 024It would be good to have some sort of dialogue in place between the future spouses regarding the importance of being gentle and patient or even perhaps certain positions that will help make it easier, such as propping a pillow under your pelvis (for the woman), which helps make your first time go a lot more smoothly. (A technique I learnt from Google whilst on my honeymoon. For the first couple of days I would be like: Hold on! Let me quickly get the pillow first! Lol!) Thus couples can discuss these different methods beforehand, which should help better prepare them for their wedding night.

However the most beautiful part of it all was remembering that God does not give us more than we can bear.
He had blessed me with such a wonderful and caring husband and my hubby was so sweet and just kept telling me “It’s ok, don’t worry about anything… it will happen.”

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There’s no way I could imagine going through that process with someone who didn’t love me or who was just using me, as some women and even some teenage girls have to go through.

I asked the Holy Spirit to open up everything that needed to be opened in order to make this happen and to give me the ability to stop over thinking everything and to just relax. To make light of the situation, my husband so lovingly reminded me that the children that we’re looking forward to having one day, are going to have to come through this avenue. We laughed… and laughed some more.

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It was good to be with someone who was so calm about the whole thing and that also helped to make everything easier. Something that is supposed to be a natural process of life, something that I hadn’t experienced in all of my 26 years, but was now ready to experience… was NOT going to be turned into something that would now try and steal my joy. Oh no honey! When I prayed, I prayed for Wisdom – wisdom for how to best deal with the situation and for the strength to bear the pain and to overcome it so that I could please my husband and so that we could both enjoy something that God himself had created for us to enjoy in marriage.

Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 009My Sailor 🙂
Praise God, like a dream, everything just calmed down, seemed more relaxed and it happened. Surprisingly, during the honeymoon, my body discovered a new found flexibility that had never existed before! It was going into positions that I hadn’t even thought it could do. My husband is a rather reserved man in public, a symbol of integrity even – but in the privacy of our bedroom (or whichever room it happens to take place in even)… there are no reservations!

He sure does know how to handle his business! And now everything is plain sailing! I call him the captain of my ship and will often send him a message when he’s at work saying “Oi! Oi! Sailor!” because he knows how to navigate this vessel towards reaching the best…well…I’ll just say it: Orgasms out there – whether the tide be low or high!

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On Babies
And of course with love – making comes babies! Another one of the main topics that arise within the first year of marriage. I can’t even count the number of times people have asked me when I will be ready for the children to come. Having been born and raised in London my whole life, I’m accustomed to being naturally “rather-reserved” as they say the English are. Thus I don’t take too kindly to the numerous lovely, but on occasion, overbearing Nigerian aunties who feel that it’s ok to grab hold of me and pat my stomach every time they see me saying: “Ah! Ah! When are the babies coming now???” Erm… when we as a couple have decided we are ready for that thank you very much! And of course… In God’s own time.

There’s also the matter to consider when you are expecting to be pregnant and it doesn’t seem to be happening for whatever reason. Again, I believe that nothing is impossible with God and being at peace with His timing and decisions can be a source of comfort to hold on to in the midst of an incredibly heart breaking or testing time.

On Debt/Finances for Newlyweds
They say once the wedding’s over, your honeymoon has come and gone and the stories about the Hen Night, Bridal Shower and Traditional Engagement that all preceded the big day…have fizzled out like stale champagne…you’re left with: A gaping big hole of debt…The reality of what it really means to be stuck with each other for the rest of your lives…Lola Akindele & Dayo Busari | Yoruba Nigerian Christian Wedding in the UK | BellaNaija - October 2014 012AND…For those who were virgins before the wedding night…There’s the excruciating process of trying to overcome the pain of having sex for the first time and establishing a fulfilling sex life with your husband. The first year of marriage can be one of the most challenging and testing years of all – and statistics show that the rate of divorce spikes within the second year of marriage, seeing as within the UK, divorce proceedings are not allowed during the first 12 months of being married.

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Well I for one am so grateful to God because He’s blessed my family and my husband’s family in such a way that debt and money issues regarding the wedding was not even in the picture for us… so smooth sailing on that front. Thankfully, a combination of the upbringing we have had, the teachings we receive from the pulpit and relevant books/seminars on financial integrity have enabled us to be sensible when it comes to the subject of money. And this is extremely key, seeing as approximately 65% of marriages end in divorce because of money issues. We’ve always had financial goals and aspirations but over this past year, we’ve been encouraged to put these ideas to paper and to plan out the next ten years of our lives – which is a great help.

Travelling With Him
Going on holiday and having alone time away from it all has also been a wonderful and interesting experience. I had never travelled abroad with him whilst we were dating so for me, holidays had always either been with my family or with my girlfriends. Since the wedding, we’ve travelled to The Dominican Republic (for our honeymoon), Portugal, Dubai (Got stuck in Qatar lol) and now Paris…the City of Love to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We’ve also travelled away to some countryside locations in England and it’s always interesting discovering new parts of the world together. The best thing is being on holiday with not just your man…but your HUSBAND! Whenever there’s a guy staring at you on the beach or trying to approach you at the bar…just flash your ring at them! It works like a charm…well…most of the time. Either way, it’s a great feeling being away from it all and being away from the normalcy of life, just having a break, like a Time- Out session together, to recuperate before hitting the grind again.

(Clockwise) Birthday getaway to English countryside; Church family fun day to raise money for an orphanage; Wedding in Newcastle; Wedding in Dubai; Typical Sunday after church

(Clockwise) Birthday getaway to English countryside; Church family fun day to raise money for an orphanage; Wedding in Newcastle; Wedding in Dubai; Typical Sunday after church

Alongside that however, I’ve also learnt to treasure the everyday, even mundane moments with my husband. As great as it is chilling with our friends and going out to dinner parties, events, visiting people etc…sometimes, I just long for those moments when we’re both curled up in the living room of our apartment , the balcony door left open, letting in that crisp, cool river breeze, as we’re wrapped up in a blanket on the floor (despite having a sofa suite), with a big old bowl of popcorn (me), suya (him) and Supermalt (both of us) or tomato juice (most DEFINITELY only him), watching one of our favourite shows (Suits, The Good Wife, Breaking Bad, Orange Is The New Black, 24, Scandal, Downton Abbey etc) hooked up from his laptop, via that oh so precious HDMI cable – and it’s just the two of us in our little haven of home.

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On Home
Speaking of home, this past year has been a true revelation of what Home actually is. When I was younger, I was accustomed to the popular phrase: ‘Home is where the heart is.’ I simply took this to mean that home is a special place -which is some-what accurate. However, my first year of marriage has taught me that there’s an even deeper sense to the phrase. It’s easy to find or be found by a guy, fall in love, have a lavish wedding and live the rest of your lives together. But what kind of life is it that you’re spending together? There are many married couples who have spent decades together but the kind of life that they’ve lived has been an unhappy one. And I believe that the heart of one’s life is in fact their home. The home they came from, the home they’re in now or the home they hope to build. (Let me clarify that I mean Home and not House)And thus, having been a newlywed, I was determined to make my new Home where my heart is. And when there’s a King, he must recognise his Queen – which is how my husband treats me each and every day. In the space of this past year,
Cooking … and looking sexy while doing it.

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I’ve been so grateful to my mother for the home training she instilled in her children when we were growing up (At the time, I thought it was an abomination that she was making me cook soup and okra at the age of 10 – but I sure do appreciate it now!) Taking care of my home is something I take great pride in. It can be annoying and stressful with cooking and cleaning everyday – no doubt…but it keeps a happy home and there’s pure joy in seeing your husband’s face when he comes home from work and you know that both of your hearts are happy in the home you’ve built.

I’ve learnt that it also helps to wear something nice and sexy when doing the cooking and cleaning – or nothing at all with just an apron on can suffice – you’ll find that the food tastes – oh just that bit sweeter! The whole house seems to be just that bit more sparkly and clean …and it won’t just be your excellent culinary skills that have kept him very… how do I put this? That’s right – Satisfied!

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On Prayer
And finally…perhaps the most important thing I’ve learnt in my first year of marriage is something that I’ve always known , except now that Two have become One, the meaning of it resonates on a much deeper level. It is the power and importance of Prayer.

We have a Couples’ Devotion Bible, which is really great, as it helps us to plan our weekly Bible study around the theme of our marriage and everything else more or less stems from there. We also have Holy Communion together once a week at home. The assistant Pastor at our church once mentioned how it doesn’t have to be limited to once a month in a church service or every week at Mass. Why not bring it into your home?

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At my bridal shower, amongst some very…shall I say… Stimulating gifts, one of my very close friends also gave me something to stimulate my prayer life as a married woman. It’s a book called “The Power of a Praying Wife”, by Stormie Omartin. It’s an incredible book and has truly helped me when it comes to knowing exactly what aspects of my husband’s life to pray for… from praying for his work, to his finances, to his integrity, to his faith…and everything else in between really. Even how to handle arguments, and falling out with each other would be covered by prayer.

We Never Argue
Fortunately, my husband and I don’t really argue. In the past four years that we’ve been together, we’ve only ever had one major argument thank God. It sounds strange but it’s the truth. And it’s not just because we get along so well like Jack and Jill…it’s primarily because of prayer.

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Looking Ahead
I know that it’s only been the first year and we still have A LOT to learn as we continue on our journey of life as Man and Wife. As stated earlier, by no means do I proclaim to be a marriage expert in any shape or form but I do believe that the first year of marriage can be one of the hardest for many couples who do not know what to expect or how to deal with certain situations. I know that God has brought my husband and I together and I know that He wants to use our marriage to be a blessing to the lives of others and to honour and glorify Him and thus we are happy to have shared our 1st year of marital bliss with you.

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Remain blessed,
Faith, Hope and Love,
Mrs Lola Akindele Busari

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228 Comments

  1. ivie

    October 14, 2014 at 6:09 am

    Yayyyy Team #virginbeforemarriage 😀
    I can relate with you dear….*phew wedding nite drama et al. 😀 Lovely write up and encouraging words!
    God continue to bless your home. I had a delay of 8 months before I got pregnant.
    At the right time yours will come!!! I love happy Endings… 🙂

    • ekalor

      October 14, 2014 at 7:52 am

      what do you mean by you had a delay of 8 months before I got pregnant.

      SMHG.

      1
    • biggest Survivor

      October 15, 2014 at 1:42 pm

      A month is a delay, two weeks can be a delay, you are not the one wearing the shoes you don’t know where it hurts…. #stopjudging #stopasuming #mindyourbusiness

      1
    • Chee

      October 15, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      Hahahahhaahhaha those that are clocking 6 years will call theirs what? Hiss don’t mind her jade

    • Tickled

      October 22, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      And please help me ask her why she felt the need to tell us she waited 8 months. TMI!

    • Surely

      October 14, 2014 at 8:24 am

      Na wa oh! 8 months is now delay! Did you marry at 65?

    • Tickled

      October 22, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      #FLATLINED

    • Desert Rainbow

      October 14, 2014 at 8:52 am

      8 months my dear is HARDLY considered a delay. Let us all keep calm,it is well.

    • Tee

      October 15, 2014 at 10:01 am

      But y’all, “DELAY” is a relative term. What if she planned to get pregnant right from her wedding night? If she chooses to call it delay, let’s allow her be. Gawd! Can we just allow people to do what they wanna?

      This is a beautiful story Lola. I wouldn’t even bother going through the comments for fear of seeing hateful statements but I like the fact that you touched on a subject that the church and most people don’t discuss i.e. how virgins navigate their sex life. I didn’t marry a virgin but happy for those who did. And you did not sound judgmental in any way! God bless you dear.

    • Amie

      October 15, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      Its very normal that people will have complaints or negative things to say. He who has ears let him hear. I have picked out the part of what she said that I believe I want to learn and I will use it. I only hope that does of you criticizing her are secretly doing as I am doing.

  2. Mrs. Nwaokoye

    October 14, 2014 at 6:09 am

    God bless u sister nd ur testimony never seize

  3. Truetalk

    October 14, 2014 at 6:13 am

    beautiful! God continue to strengthen and uphold your wonderful home and continue to make you a shining example to others.

  4. Feirooz

    October 14, 2014 at 6:14 am

    Interesting piece and very eye opening.

  5. BC

    October 14, 2014 at 6:22 am

    You’ve been married only a year This is way too much info for a newly wed to be sharing. Keep you married life private!!

    • Mandie

      October 14, 2014 at 7:15 am

      thank you. And she’ll say she’s reserved. Reserved and private my ass. I can’t with this girl.

    • chu

      October 14, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      I’m still under 6 months of marriage and also didn’t have pre marital sex, so I feel her very much. Wedding night I though my husband will be too tired to do anything, but the guy no gree. Luckily for me during pre marital counselling the pastor was very explicit so I was not too disappointed with my reaction that night. There are lots of females going through the same so if she can share hers no need to beat her down.
      I love and admire the fact that she could give this explicit description of her one year.

    • Mimee

      October 19, 2014 at 9:33 am

      Why wont people learn to appreciate others? Look at most bellnaija posts how many have this much comments/ read? this is because she has something unique to share.and if you read the post properly, she took permission from the husband first. so why this hatered??? plz take a back seat and allow people who value her learn from her.

    • ibkgeorge

      November 22, 2014 at 1:31 am

      Lols.You can’t be reserved and quiet with all this write up lol.

    • Ada

      October 14, 2014 at 7:58 am

      I agree. Things like this are best shared in a group setting. Not in an online BN forum. I understand the need to share a testimony as a child of God, but wisdom is paramount.

    • tunde

      October 14, 2014 at 8:04 am

      Awwwwwwww, how sad, I bet u, u ain’t got no man huh?

      your loneliness and pain exudes thru your comment

    • Surely

      October 14, 2014 at 8:25 am

      Ode, not every woman wants a man. Not every sensible woman is manless.

    • Tickled

      October 23, 2014 at 2:23 am

      “Tunde” or whatever it is you call yourself, the fact that you have the IQ of a carrot exudes through your comment. What does one’s expression of their opinion have to do with whether or not they have a man?!?! Please do everyone a favor and shut up. Thanks.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 14, 2014 at 10:50 am

      … but she made a valid point there, now. She seems to be reaching out to the new brides or upcoming brides-to-be who may not have received all the information they need about the journey ahead. And she’s already said herself that she isn’t claiming to know everything.

      Her advice may not be applicable to you, me or many others who visit BN but I have to say that her frank honesty is appreciated because we Nigerians can be awfully close-mouthed in many areas (and particularly where marriages are concerned). I love that she shared her wedding night experience for the virgin brides who’ve been taught to save themselves without more teaching on what to expect and I especially like her warnings about the dangers of lingering financial debts after the wedding, which can put the new couple under a lot of unwanted stress.

      And she had the permission of her husband to share all of the above. If it’s going to help another couple, I don’t see the harm in it. Of course, I take your point which is that our society is, unfortunately, so populated by evil thinkers and doers that any good thing you reveal about your life (whether it’s getting a new job, expecting a baby or being blessed in some other way) is capable of being targeted by unforeseen “enemies”.

      Lola, I enjoyed reading this. Continue to always pray for God’s guidance and faithful counsel, though, regarding you & Dayo’s new life together. Some of us rejoice with you but don’t naively assume the same truth of everyone who’ll come across this. May your marriage truly blossom and the both of you grow in strength as The Lord leads you onwards.

    • BC

      October 14, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      @ Socially Awkward, I was not going to reply, because I didn’t want an argument. Not with you, but readers in general. Its someone’s marriage we are talking about after all. But after second thoughts, I will. I was not making reference to witchcraft at all when I made that statement. Far from it. She mentioned that she had her spouse’s permission to go ahead and speak on their marriage and that’s fine. There is nothing inherently wrong in her divulging details about her marriage. And yes it is good for younger couples to know about sex in marriage, especially when one is a virgin.

      However, wisdom would suggest one would wait until the marriage had matured in time and experience. After they have overcome obstacles every marriage is bound to face and after they’ve learnt how to weather the storms successfully, one can go into details with the knowledge that you are both seasoned in this new institution. They are not sharing anonymously after all. Not to sound like a wet blanket or that I am not happy for them, but its clear she is a bit green as far as relationships as a whole is concerned. She said they never argue. Only one argument in 4 years. Really? Conflict can be good for a relationship. You hash things out, push each other’s boundaries and in the process you unmask and truly get to know the next person. I thought she mentioned “smooth-sailing” one too many times. The bottom line is this; They are new to this world of marriage. Insulate yourselves , give the marriage time & room to grow, to mature, to flounder in areas it must and then piece it back together again. I am talking from experience. I have nothing against them whatsoever.

      Finally,the impression I got from her is that women can easily orgasm through penetrative sex. I said that is what I gleaned from her oo…..dont massacre me, please. We all know that is not true. Changing positions does not get a woman any closer to the heights of sexual pleasure. Many more women are only able to orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation. Shoo, the aura of a wealthy, powerful husband you have respect for can bust a nut for you quicker than any acrobat in bed. You MUST respect a man in oder for you to begin to enjoy him as a husband and in bed. He has to know that your clitoris is where its at. He must embody masculine attributes well and you the woman, the feminine for sexual pleasure to come a little more easy. You must be comfortable with yourself and be comfortable letting him lead you, and leading he must for the woman to open up and enjoy sex. These are just some of things a woman needs to be present in the marriage AND proximity to the almighty clit. Let me stop here.

      All the best to Mr and Mrs Busari. Very brave of you to share with us.

    • Tee

      October 15, 2014 at 10:15 am

      I love your comment MSA. You are one smart lady.

      @BC, while I understand your sentiments, your argument may be a bit flawed. Honey, let’s get things right, majority of marriages may have similar issues but there is always the one different story right? What if the Busari’s are the one different story??? From experience (personal and shared stories), modern marriages actually face majority of the challenges in the first year of marriage. Yes. Some people can get ALL of the challenges in that one year. Marriage challenges is not directly proportional to the duration of the marriage except for some unique challenges like children-related etc.

      What I don’t really understand about people’s issues with Lola’s lack of privacy is that does it really matter? What if she chose to keep her story so private and they still had issues and divorced is there a difference? Yeah I understand that we are a private society in Nigeria but let’s cut some people some slack. They got good heads on thier shoulders so no matter how public they share their stories, they still know how not to let what people say affect their relationship.

      Focussing on what’s important about this write up, Lola has done well.

      First, she has her husband’s support (the person who matters most).

      Second, she has touched on a topic that really matters to a lot of people even though some of us who did not marry as virgins don’t need it. Believe me, these days, people never talk about what matters. All that marriage counseling can be crap atimes. A few months into my marriage, I realized that what I had heard is faaaarrrrr from the truth. And the church definitely never taught us about the art of sex- a very integral part of marriage.

      Third, she employed a very non-condescending / non- judgemental tone. She does not claim to know it all but only shared what has worked for her. Sure there is someone out there even if only one person, that can relate with this.

      Selah!

      You siad “….However, wisdom would suggest one would wait until the marriage had matured in time and experience. After they have overcome obstacles every marriage is bound to face and after they’ve learnt how to weather the storms successfully, one can go into details with the knowledge that you are both seasoned in this new institution. …”

      Honey,

    • Lola Busari

      October 16, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Thank you so much. God bless you Mz Socially Awkward. Truly appreciated x

    • Stephy

      October 16, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      1300 plus “loved” dis haaa! And y”all can’t even comment lol. comments ain’t even up to 200 pple fear God aba! hahaha.

    • Amy

      October 21, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      Amen.

    • Neo

      October 14, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      Like!!!!!!! I think she is slightly disturbed and i dont mean that to be insulting at all. I am concerned, especially following the backlash from her last testimony one would think she would keep it quiet and enjoy her marraige in peace. Now we are getting details on navigating your vessel??? Disturbing!

    • benny

      October 15, 2014 at 7:42 am

      It is quite obvious she is slightly disturbed. Her need to remain in thespotlight with these ridiculous tales is enough sign. The next thing this girl will come with a wonderful tale of how she gave birth and her baby just crawled out and started singing with the angels.
      Bella Naija is enabling her for blog hits. this is sad

    • name

      October 16, 2014 at 10:13 pm

      All i have to say is – you are very miserable human and it very obvious.. Get concerned about your sad self and please take several seats while at it #thatsall

    • name

      October 16, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      All i have to say is – you are a very miserable human and it is very obvious.. Get concerned about your sad self and please take several seats while at it #thatsall

    • Serifat Sobande

      October 15, 2014 at 10:11 am

      You didn’t have to read it you know. She did give you a warning. Each to their own

    • PA

      October 16, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      I think that you’re naive if you believe that the length of your marriage can determine anything. People who have been married longer than you have been alive for still may not know anything about it, Please can we refrain from ignorant comments on the blog.

      God bless you and your husband Lola and don’t listen to fools like BC and the others

    • Tickled

      October 22, 2014 at 9:32 pm

      God bless you for speaking the truth unequivocally. I don’t need to know whether you were a ho or a virgin on your wedding night. Please take several seats. Thanks.

  6. NaijaFlyGuyInTheDiaspora

    October 14, 2014 at 6:22 am

    Great write up. Thanks for sharing your story with the BN Fam Mrs. Busari. May God continue to guide,direct, and bless your marriage home as your grow old with your husband. @ Bella Naija: thank you using your BN platform in a responsible fashion by continuing to post stories of substance like this beautiful testimony by Mrs. Busari. I was blessed by this and encouraged!

  7. Jorn

    October 14, 2014 at 6:34 am

    OK.

  8. Que

    October 14, 2014 at 6:41 am

    Dayo n Dami, I can only continue to wish you two the absolute best….as you continue to learn and grow together, may u do so with much grace, understanding n style… cheers people…

  9. Naima

    October 14, 2014 at 7:04 am

    All the best to them but that’s way too much information.

  10. Reverse

    October 14, 2014 at 7:12 am

    I have to read this epistle after one year, na novel then after two… Biko enjoy your marriage

  11. Tinto

    October 14, 2014 at 7:13 am

    @bc; it baffles me when people have a problem with others sharing their own opinions and I usually find that people (like you), are the most opinionated and vocal ones. Please where in the article did she say she was a marriage expert? The young girl is opening up on a topic (to those that matter) on her experience most churches, mothers or schools never talk about! So go siddon

    • BC

      October 14, 2014 at 2:54 pm

      @ Tinto. I am opinionated, true. But there’s a fine line between having an opinion and being a bully. I never claimed she was an expert in anything. Just sharing my thoughts.

  12. praiz

    October 14, 2014 at 7:28 am

    Great story! But as a side note, ladies and gentlemen, please do not use petroleum jelly (vaseline) as a lubricant. It will upset the wonderful natural ecosystem inside the woman! And cause infections such as thrush and so on. There are many specialist lubricants that look,feel and taste great as well as being more effective and healthier to use. And they are sold over the counter. Durex does a whole range in a variety of flavours from orange to strawberry.
    Please avoid petroleum jelly oh!

    • Surely

      October 14, 2014 at 8:29 am

      I was wondering why with all her google research and TV watching, she didn’t know about lubricants (KY jelly, etc.) or even ask at the counter. She really doesn’t seem genuine. But trust Naija women already loving her because she’s been to heaven and eaten bread, reaffirming that working hard to get a man is supported by God himself.

    • Queeneen

      October 14, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      I’ve been sexually active for years and I only got to know about lubricants last year because I’ve never needed them. I flow like a tap. Now cut this lovely woman some slack. She was a virgin. Didn’t know lubricants existed. Are you even genuine? Talmbout she doesn’t seem genuine. Kmt!

    • lor

      October 15, 2014 at 12:04 pm

      Are u serious right now. You all criticizing her, are all obtuse. And it’s so sad, that because one is a virgin and is sharing and giving her opinion, it becomes a sin. Because you can’t relate to her story, dosent mean you just say negative stuff.Am still a virgin and I get comments similar, because you no more a virgin Dosent mean you talk down on the 10% of us still remaining. SMH…. I find this article very encouraging and inspirational, because I can relate. Thanks for sharing

    • Amy

      October 21, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      Sounds funny, cant help but to laugh…….

    • ME'LA

      October 14, 2014 at 9:08 am

      Thank you. My wedding is next month and fear they catch me small oh.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 14, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Good point. I’ve actually spoken to a lot of women who went through this “petroleum jelly episode” on their wedding night (actually, one confessed that as both her and her husband were virgins, the wedding night was a fiasco and they both had to head to the nearest mallam’s stall first thing on the next morning to find some much needed vaseline… TMI, I know) and it makes me wonder if Durex lubricants are easily available in Naija?

      Lola got married in the UK (I think?) so maybe that question doesn’t apply to her situation but I think it comes back to what she said about sex education being necessary for new couples, where neither of them have ever “done the do” (or sex education for whichever is the virgin amongst them… in fact, even non-virgins need sex education sef, considering the fact that many Nigerians just jump into “doing the do” without adequate information).

    • Niyoola

      October 14, 2014 at 12:59 pm

      KY jelly is available at most Pharmacies and chemists in Nigeria.

    • slice

      October 14, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      and do not underestimate the power of a strong glass of alcohol. that sure will relax the muscles and reduce fear. yep alcohol will reduce fear. that’s why drunk people can walk into traffic 🙂

    • Bliss

      October 14, 2014 at 9:07 pm

      Who needs Vaseline or petroleum jelly when hubby can just use his mouth. Best lubricant ever!! That vessel of her’s will explode with more lube than any tube or jar can give her. They should teach that at marriage counseling.

    • Mama

      October 14, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Actually preseed or other similar lubricants are better. Vaseline ke

    • Mimi

      October 16, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      Adding this Praiz; If you are trying to get pregnant, please don’t use Durex. KY Jelly is just fine! The Durex product, especially Durex tingle doesn’t allow the sperm to travel up the uterus. It’s written on the bottles but most people don’t read it. #mylilbit

    • Anonymous

      November 10, 2014 at 12:40 am

      This is GOLD!!! Thanks for sharing…no need to dey buy CD again….lmao

  13. dami

    October 14, 2014 at 7:35 am

    Nice piece, but too much details for a new home. For me privacy is key. U accomplish more in being reserved and private. Have also come to realize that some have it good in the beginning and then rough at the end, some vice versa, others all good to the end, all bad to the end, some its a roller coaster journey. But for me and my husband…its the end that matters. We argue but in the end our genuine love for each other remains prominent. And no matter what we are for each other what we asked of God. May the foundation of every home built on God never know any evil or tragic end. Amen!

  14. Fifi

    October 14, 2014 at 7:35 am

    Oh lawd nigeria twitter is going to have a field day…this is the bride who dined every night in heaven…happy to read they successfully passed year 1 many more blissful years for them in Jesus Mighty name.amen

  15. Praira

    October 14, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Thank you for this interesting piece. May God continually bless your home. For those people saying its way too much information this is for you, Nigerian spinsters will continue to have lots of issues because nobody wants to talk about marriage in detail or sex for virgins yet we blame them when they get married and are divorced quickly. Knowledge is light. I’m getting married soon yet nobody is telling me anything except for google. God bless you o jare.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 14, 2014 at 11:01 am

      Thank you. When the mothers are reluctant to reveal much-needed info, the married friends just wink and quip, “Don’t worry, when you marry, you’ll also know”…. Na so women dey enter, with no real avenue to talk to anyone or ask questions. Unless you’ve got a great female community in your life that you can turn to.

      I’ve got a friend, who still frankly admitted after a year of getting married that everytime her husband became amorous in bed, she felt (to paraphrahse her own words) as if “That thing he was bringing towards her was a gun to attack her with”. She also married as a virgin and everytime I see her, I say a silent prayer that her sex life has improved for her own sake.

    • slice

      October 14, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      reading some of these, i can’t help but wonder if the man are coming straight in with the dick/gun if you will, or if they are using their fingers first. most girls can use tampons so they can at least take your finger or theirs. so easy on soldier. start with a finger, then add another and then another.. don’t go to a virgin straight with your penis. are you trying to kill her? 🙂

    • Errrm

      October 14, 2014 at 3:46 pm

      This is me right there. I am getting married in a few months and the fear no be here o. Sometimes we try during those hot petting moments but when the time reach, na so I go just burst into tears. Anytime I think of the pain, I shut down. I am hoping things change. Sometimes I blame myself for waiting too long. I will soon be 28 and I waited primarily because 1, I am a Christian and 2, I didn’t just find the right man on time. I have decided to dumb myself with alcohol on the wedding night to avoid the pain. I no fit deal abeg.

    • CJP

      October 15, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Lmao

  16. shay shay

    October 14, 2014 at 8:12 am

    lol…

  17. dee

    October 14, 2014 at 8:13 am

    i love this story so much! shows how a christian girl can be hot and born again! i pray my boyfriend and i can will go grow stronger than this couple

  18. miss pynk

    October 14, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Interesting read, but way too much information. No one needs to know whether your husband is good or not in bed, lest others line up for him. Dont attract the jezebels into your home. There are many ways to communicate how well things worked out for you, without the nitty gritty.

    As for the guest that gave vaseline, haba why?
    And Mrs considering what you have gone through, i assume you are passionate about sex counseling for marriage purposes. Possibly communicate this with your church, you might be able to somewhat fill the void as you are a younger person with some knowledge you can convey to young virgins.

    • Berry Dakara

      October 14, 2014 at 9:25 am

      I 100% agree with your last paragraph.

      I think the “problem” here is that it seems like way too much information. It would have gone over better if the post was titled, “Sex as a Virgin Bride – What You Should Know,” with the other bits appearing in a separate article.

      That’s my opinion sha. But congratulations on your first year.

      berrydakara.blogspot.com

    • memyselfandi

      October 14, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Berry, I am a little surprised at your comment because you have a blog on which you share some details about your life as a married woman. You might be thinking “well i don’t go into this much detail’, but some people might be of the view that by simply owning a public blog about your personal life you are sharing ‘too much information’. And that phrase is not complimentary. I am not knocking you, Im just wondering if you had considered this angle.

      My people, ones personal information is just that – personal, and so, there are varying degrees to which people may choose to share that. There is no right or wrong it is simply personal preference! The author shared a lot (in your view), but it is clear… she is comfortable with that, her husband is fine with it too.

    • Berry Dakara

      October 15, 2014 at 10:07 am

      Hey @memyselfandI please note that I said it SEEMS like too much information. I don’t necessarily have a problem with how much information she divulged, but like I mentioned, if the title of the feature had been “Sex as a Virgin Bride – What You Should Know,” then nobody would have the mouth to say that she shared too much information.

      I agree with her that the church (especially here in Nigeria) is too quiet about sex. God created sex, and it is a beautiful thing. Why should a Christian virgin have to go to Google or watch TV or read 50 Shades of Grey to find out about sex? During her premarital classes, shouldn’t the pastors or counselors have given her all that information of what her first time could be potentially like? She should never have had to feel guilt or worry about her not pleasing her husband or performing her “wifely” duties simply because it was hard for her body to relax.

      Anyways, I digress. I don’t think she shared too much information, but for THIS article, this is not what the general reader was expecting to see.

  19. Beli

    October 14, 2014 at 8:24 am

    I totally agree with you dee… Very inspiring

  20. Beautygeekng.com

    October 14, 2014 at 8:25 am

    This really touched me. Because its something I think about a lot! Now I’m more reassured because I know I will find the right person who will be patient with me

  21. Her Excellency

    October 14, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Great testimony. God is always faithful. I am getting married by end of the year. Still a virgin (Oh yes we still exist. lol) and the thoughts of having painful sex on my wedding night is making me considering doing it after my court oath taking, so I can have a smooth sail on the wedding night. God help me.

    • isoken

      October 14, 2014 at 11:19 am

      Not every first time experience is painful. Its different for everyone. I didn’t feel pain just slight discomfort. It was only the blood that freaked us out a bit. So don’t be too scared Lube is your friend ☺

    • ibkgeorge

      December 1, 2014 at 7:39 am

      My dear why wait till church wedding.Me once I have my court oath am so popping the cherry!Ha!You just pray the church wedding is at most 4months after and pray you not preggos

  22. so

    October 14, 2014 at 8:34 am

    thanks for sharing your story dear, I am inspired and thanks for the detail. Truth be told, these are things we (virgins) think about but are afraid to ask or should I say there is really no one to ask. I pray God strengthens your home IJN, Amen.

  23. faith

    October 14, 2014 at 9:05 am

    My hubby works in a bank n I own a beauty shop. The shop acct is in the bank where he works n he helps me with all my transfers n transactions. He pays in my daily sales into d acct..its been like dis for two years…I don’t get acct balance on my phone nor monthly statement his reason is that he is trying to avoid d charges….last week I told him to arrange so dat I can b getting monthly acct statement through email(he said its free)…and he got very angry…that I don’t trust him,etc…its not true just dat I don’t want to b in d dark anymore, I just want to know how d shop is progressing…I can go to another branch n ask for d statement but dis will only make matters worst…don’t know wat to do…

    • Aibee

      October 14, 2014 at 9:54 am

      Go to any branch of the Bank and fill the necessary forms. Banks are mandated by CBN to send you free e-mail transaction alerts. The funds in that account are from your business and you should be knowledgeable about the financial state of your business. This isn’t about trust or the lack thereof, it is about business shikena.

    • pee

      October 14, 2014 at 11:00 am

      Hmmmmmm, i advice you go to any branch of your bank and ask for your account balance, if the balance is not you expect it to be then ask that your statement be printed out. It not a matter of trust it being wise.

    • LotusFlower

      October 14, 2014 at 11:58 am

      I am so shocked that in this day and age, some women still hand over their hard earned money to their husbands without questioning what is happening to the money. I am not saying that you shouldn’t give it to him to hold, but at the very least, you should be updated with the balance if not bi-weekly then monthly. It is very unreasonable of him to get angry…unless, of course, he has something to hide. You two are taking “trust” to a whole new level. Abeg, asking for the balance has nothing to do with not trusting him- it’s about common sense: you have been depositing money, you need to know the amount that has accumulated.
      Why should you have to sneak around to get it?

    • Que

      October 14, 2014 at 9:36 pm

      I wrote an epistle earlier in response to ur comment and to Faith’s, but it disappeared….. the summary was
      -bi weekly/monthly updates will not cut it for a business that wants to grow
      ?…..
      -to Faith, you and your business are separate entities….even you must be accountable to the business, along with anyone else acting in the interest of the business….. so as far as you and him being Transparent with the business dealings, it is MANDATORY not optional
      -pending when u find a peacful resolution (which can only happen if he decides to reason objectively), open a new account and take charge of your new deposit. Hire an independent account person to help analyse your journey so far with as much data as u can gather…. e.g sales or service records can give a good idea of how much you have made and spent….
      -your business will not be understanding of your family issues, if he insists on working with you, you two must understand what d biz needs, and get in line or chart a different course.
      -love will not grow a business, decisive and principled actions aimed at making an impact, will.
      -lastly, never hire anyone you cant fire! #lessonsfrommydad!

    • Oy

      October 14, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Babe you have a right to know about your money. It’s not about distrust. if you had started this from the beginning he wouldn’t have been upset. In his mind, he thinks you just woke up one day or perhaps someone adviced you to ask for your statement. Carefully and lovingly explain to him why you need not to be kept in the dark. God be with you sis

    • Patricia

      October 15, 2014 at 10:36 am

      My dear, go get the statement and activate alert on your phone from another branch. We ought to trust our husbands yes, but remember an external factor which may be beyond his control, may make him do differently. Going forward, have a record of all the cash you give him to pay in and don’t mix business with family or pleasure. Some married women, have terrible husbands, who would divert the funds sef,.
      My Sister who makes millions every month from her business (against the lesser pay her banker hubby gets) has nothing to hold on to now because she trusted her hubby enough to handle the funds well. Now, she has started paying the money into her account by herself, hubby who was venting about her not trusting him has mellowed, because she didn’t ask him anything again or tell him about the new development. If he wasn’t shady, he would’ve had the effrontery to ask her why she changed the arrangements. I hope this little advice helps

    • Nat

      October 20, 2014 at 11:16 pm

      Have you heard of internet/online banking before?

    • Anonymous

      November 10, 2014 at 12:49 am

      Lmaoooo….Sisteh *I had to use my Ghanaian accent here* better go to another branch to find out what’s going on with that account.

  24. xtsy

    October 14, 2014 at 9:06 am

    I cast and bind all intending strange women on ur behalf.
    May all their evil plans fall down and scatterrrrrrrrr…….

    • Tickled

      October 22, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      Ummm…what?!?!?

  25. Miss

    October 14, 2014 at 9:18 am

    @faith, Go get the statement or change banks,
    Mrs Busari, Thank you for sharing with us… lovely story, May God bless your family,

  26. mama ovie

    October 14, 2014 at 9:23 am

    @ faith go to another branch get your statement and go thru its your money and you are entitled to control your finances.
    and why is he getting worked up ? a free conscience fears no accusations not like you are making one , beside is he a signatory???

  27. Abednego

    October 14, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Wait! Is dis not that girl that angels used to take to heaven to eat bread at 3am?? LMFAOOOOO!!!!

  28. Oby

    October 14, 2014 at 9:31 am

    I’m so happy for you! Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. I will remain chaste till marriage. I’m very happy to know that there are a lot of virgin like me who have vow to keep their virginity till marriage. God bless u all.

  29. lol

    October 14, 2014 at 9:38 am

    LOL I enjoyed the article …God bless you……I feel you. I am in my early 20s at the moment and i met a really nice guy, basically he is one person i know who LOVES me and has treated me the best amongst all the guys I have met in my lifetime…..due to being Inquisitive and loving him I decided that i wouldn’t mind losing my virginity before marriage But i tell you the process is embarrassing. It is exactly as you described, I can’t relax, anxious, painful etc…. he keeps telling me its ok but my anxiety no be here…..I think i would just keep waiting till marriage lol. who would have thought something so natural could be this complex at the beginning…

    I totally understand the people complaining about this being too much information but on the other hand i think its good to educate others. one of the sad part though is that not a lot of men do not have the patience to wait but then again if he cannot be patient and reassure you, then maybe he is truly not for you..

    GOD BLESS YOUR HOME

    • yeminisco

      October 14, 2014 at 11:46 am

      hahaha! This was me last month, it took almost 4 days to finally do it. After any slight, gentle prodding, I get nervous and just say “I’m not sure yet, can we try another day?” and he was very understanding. So just wait till you’re absolutely sure and you’ll be fine.

    • Anonymous

      November 10, 2014 at 12:52 am

      If you’ve successfully waited till your early twenties then you might as well wait till marriage. I assure you it ain’t difficult. Goodluck!!!

  30. Depi

    October 14, 2014 at 9:41 am

    Please write in after 20 years of marriage. One year is too early, too much info, but good start.

    • Reen

      October 14, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      My exact thoughts on this too!

    • niki

      October 15, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      About her sex life or marriage? Cause im pretty sure she was talking about her loosing her virginity!

  31. Zoe

    October 14, 2014 at 9:45 am

    This is just so awesome. I can really relate with these experiences, marriage is the most beautiful relationship created by God to reveal the quality of intimacy and oneness enjoyed by the Trinity( God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit). I’m so glad that Ephesians 5:22-33 is the undertone of all that have been said. May you keep pressing into heights and depths of God’s love, may His wisdom keep building this home and understanding furnish it. Because his Love is playing out, definitely the angels that surrounds Him will definitely surround Your Home. Mwaah!!!!!!.

    • Lola Akindele Busari

      October 15, 2014 at 7:01 am

      Thank you so much for your kind words. x

  32. beverly

    October 14, 2014 at 9:52 am

    waoh,so inspiring. I pray I find something mature as dis in my partner.Keep dis love n u 2 will go far.
    Abeg 4 dose who think d piece is 2 long,pls u dn’t need 2 read it.Leave it 4 pple who can read abeg.U think it’s 2 public? Na yr business b dat.Mr n Mrs Busari,I wish u many happy years ahead.

  33. fruitful

    October 14, 2014 at 9:53 am

    @ faith this is the millenium o ,money can cause serious wahala in a marriage ,whilst not assuming you do not trust your hubby ,go to another branch and collect your bank statement Mr Faith does not have to know ,and every woman needs to learn some sense of independence no matter how little

  34. africanstorytellers.blogspot.com

    October 14, 2014 at 10:11 am

    God bless your union. We join you in praying that you exude such radiance about your matrimony in 10, 20 30, 50 years time.
    Veterans in marriage who had such testimonies early on in their marriages have learnt that time changes everything.
    One love!

    africanstorytellers.blogspot.com

  35. smh

    October 14, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Basically all I got from this was oh look at me, I’m so smug. Gurl plz, keep your business PRIVATE!

    • tutu

      October 14, 2014 at 11:37 am

      I sense some beef here.

  36. 1 + The One

    October 14, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Great Post! Thanks a lot for being as real as possible..
    If she came to talk about her sexual experience with different men a la 5o Shades of Grey, we wouldn’t say it’s too much information now would we?
    Thanks for being unashamedly Team V and for speaking to me!!
    I have spoken to a number of friends who had issues as well but can now testify!! Please scream it from the roof tops, there are many couples suffering in silence!

  37. ngozi

    October 14, 2014 at 10:48 am

    wow… goodluck to them but please this is way too much information. Hi faith, please go and get your bank statement, like someone said earlier its about your business records now..

  38. Adaeze Writes

    October 14, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Wow! I love your sincerity Faith! Nice write-up! I read every bit of it and enjoyed reading it all the way.
    adeazewrites.com

  39. Tincan

    October 14, 2014 at 11:22 am

    @ Faith, it’s a bit troubling that your hubby raises trust issues when you ask for acct reports for your business. Red flag! How can you make plans for your business if you don’t know what financial shape the business is in? Say you wanted to expand or stock new lines or something, how do you determine whether to go ahead? You should ask him these questions and raise these kind of points, I think. And if no joy, then I would take the advice given by other posters and go to another branch. Abeg o, don’t let your hard work go to waste and like TM says don’t be caught sitting on a bicycle.

    @ original post, I really don’t know where I stand with this article. That may be because I am intensely private… In a church setting, yes, on the http://www... I struggle. That said, the bottom line is still that it is useful information to some, God is our very present help in all things and you are blessed. Amin.

  40. Olawale

    October 14, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Dayo Busaro, remembering those days in O.A.U Staff school, wishing u d best in ur marriage

  41. tutu

    October 14, 2014 at 11:35 am

    I am a virgin getting married next year but I am by no means ignorant. I read a lot about the topic and thankfully my church doesn’t shy away from it. Read “The act of marriage” by Tim and Beverly Lahaye and the blog “hot, holy, humorous” 1 month to your wedding. All your questions will be answered there.

    To those considering having sex before marriage after waiting this long. You’ve come this far already, there’s nothing as fulfilling as waiting till your wedding night.

    • Becca

      October 14, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      You’ve missed the point luv, virgin brides don’t find it fulfilling but a very painful & distressing end to a lovely day, a huge let down. I know of two virgin brides that couldn’t do it on their wedding night or even a couple of nights after that & went through the same motions as OP. One even resorted to being surgically disvirgined first cause she just couldn’t take the pain.

      There’s nothing cute or lovingly romantic about about getting penetrated for the first time!
      Virgin bride or Not.

    • ibkgeorge

      December 1, 2014 at 8:25 am

      @Tutu right! Those books are the boom!Act of marriage by tim lahaye,intended for pleasure, Being a Virgin should not make one ignorant

  42. ifepe nnennia

    October 14, 2014 at 11:40 am

    If its about 50 shades of grey,nobody will complain.we live in a society where immorality is prefered to morality.for those mocking her to tell her story in 50yrs time,of course she will tell the swee t experience.no marriage is perfect but with trust in God and abiding in his presence he will make their marriage beautiful.kudos to the virgin girls and the lad guys;yes000,I have met guys that have kept themselves till they are married.mothers have a lot of do about educating their kids;sex is overrated.keeping oneself till marriage is not only a mandate in the holy bible but a plus for anyone who has done it.its possible she doesn’t even know about any jelly;there re pretty naïve virgins everywhere who don’t even know anything about themselves even their menstural cycle.thanks BN for such encouraging piece.God will continue to bless your home,continue to make God the head of your home and you will celebrate your golden jubilee in grandstyle.the fact that some men and women cheat and re irresponsible does not make everyone the same.make yourself the kind of person you want to attract;believe God and you will enjoy your marriage

    • Mabel

      October 14, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      Always remember that every woman who is not a virgin is so by choice. We have a high population of women who were sexually molested as children, or raped later in life. Stop tying in virginity with morality.

  43. Africhic

    October 14, 2014 at 11:42 am

    I am sure everyone was a virgin at one point of their life.

  44. mercii

    October 14, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Very commendable Lola!
    I still wanna agree with BC and the others that some info she shared was rather too private than neccessary. it seemed like the only intresting thing for the past one year was sex and child bearing. BN, another title for the post would have been more appropriate.

  45. sum1special

    October 14, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    hmmmmm…..imteressting!!!!!

  46. Fisa

    October 14, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    Oi! Oi! Sailor!” because he knows how to navigate this vessel towards reaching the best…This really cracked me up!!!!!!

  47. hembie

    October 14, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    i love ur story .this kind of discussions are kinda taboos in naija no body wants to talk abt dem. i dont tink it has way to much info two of my sisters got married recently and am abt to wed soon too but not even my mum has told us abt dis matter as u have.found it very interesting and educating and like u said i can also check out for more info on google.
    may God continue to bless ure union.

  48. thelma

    October 14, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    It’s a good article encouraging young girls to keep their virginity and reviving the importance of losing your virginity to your husband,true.. but sorry,not being judgemental or too playful or anything of that sort.Just inquisitive though…..how did God look when he was comforting you,can you describe or is is it one of the things you weren’t supposed to disclose? at least in “heaven is for real” all viewers were given detailed description of Christ….2, how did the bread the angels fed you with, look like or was it too mysterious to describe? 3,it seems all miracles take place at 3am though,i noticed,I think every christian should take note of this and try to pray at that time to prevent us from missing the heavenly bread and warnings. and i also observed that you never made mention of your husband’s parents or weren’t they in full support of this marriage? I’m really interested in knowing these cos I know its even written in the bible that a parents’ blessings are very important. however,spinsters and teenagers should know take note of the importance of this story,”he waited for her” .I’m happy for you and I wish you a long lasting and fruitful marriage.I hope and pray this revelation is real though,you’d be deceiving a whole lot of people otherwise.

  49. kudi

    October 14, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Interesting read. Thanks for sharing!

    Hmmn wedding night jitters I was so scared but thank God for a patient but firm hubby ( firmness is key so you don’t do five months as a married Virgin! ). I had bought ky jelly ahead of time but twas still a struggle. I was so tense and held my body as though twas injection time,
    the pain when he even attempted slight penetration, I would scream and shout different phrases, such as stop it! wait! Remove it! My dears, twasnt funny, I would stare at young mothers and wonder how they coped with that ‘ thing ‘ lol so much that they got pregnant. The day it eventually happened, I had shouted so much that he was the one that brought my attention to the blood. I didn’t walk well for five minutes walahi! But I realised it wasn’t such a big deal, prepare your mind, pray and decide to enjoy it. I was just wondering at those women who gave it up so easily and freely cos for me twas hard biko.
    Now I’m advising my Virgin bride friends, still no pro but better than day 1.
    Pardon my epistle

  50. todun

    October 14, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    @ efepe nnennia, you just spoke my mind. Our world is one that applauds (The-Acts-of) ”Fifty Shades of Grey” and mocks an effort at chastity…. I see no point for the mockery really, Lola wasn’t even trying to judge anyone, just relaying her experience.
    If anyone can’t understand why and how she was able to keep herself for her groom, then you could just simply ask, (m’ sure Lola will be happy to share) or at best, just keep quiet.
    And honestly, I don’t think its in anyone’s place to tell her she’s sharing too much secrets, after all, its her secrets, she wasn’t telling about other people.
    Sincerely, the experience she shared is just on-point for some of us, so useful and insightful. I’ve learnt so much.
    For Lola and her husband, you inspire many, you are so cool and into God, what better combo than that….lol.
    God bless you and cause your home to be an haven indeed.

  51. Okaro

    October 14, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    I’m a virgin male of 20,..I dont have a girlfriend and i’ve never had sex.I plan on waiting till marriage;i really want to wait but sometimes its hard dealing with the PEER PRESSURE thing especially in school with my peers.

    • BlueEyed

      October 15, 2014 at 3:42 am

      I want to believe your a good Christian or Muslim, so uphold your religious values and continue holding on, because the peer pressure wouldn’t go away at any point and keeping your virginity as a male, would get harder (pun intended lol). what you are doing is quite commendable esp as u are a guy, don’t give up now, concentrate on your spiritual and intellectual growth, sex is overrated.

  52. Lahmeet

    October 14, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    LOL @Kudi’s comment. My wedding night was not so bad and it was my 1st time too. I had already gathered plenty info beforehand and also pray about it cos me I hate pain o. So it all worked out well 🙂

  53. Idomagirl

    October 14, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    Why are so many people who are virgins on their wedding night completely in the dark about all things sexual?

    Even if your mother or church doesn’t give you sex education can you not take upon yourself to find information? Apart from books, there are so many christian blogs now that discuss sex very frankly and in a straightforward manner.

    Even if everyone around you is closemouthed about sex you owe it to yourself and your marriage to learn, ‘my mother didn’t teach me is not good enough’.

    Imagine my surprise the day a virgin bride told me, a year on after marriage that she cannot look at her husband’s genitals let alone touch or caress it! Her reason? ‘It’s too irritating abeg and I don’t want him to think I’m lose’.

    This is also a big problem today. The shame and disgust attached to sex and our naked bodies. Before you get married biko start rethinking some of these things that you have been taught. Sex is not dirty or shameful, it is a wonderful gift designed by God to be enjoyed within the confines of a marriage.

    Biko abeg, there are too many sexually frustrated married people, I’m talking people just a year or two into marriage, free yourself, communicate openly with your spouse, learn and find your rhythm and enjoy great sex. You have the licence!

  54. Idomagirl

    October 14, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    Here is an example of one of those websites. Here they have listed similar blogs: intimacyinmarriage.com/resources/blogs-and-websites/

  55. chu

    October 14, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    Lovely write, up, its he story to share, and I really admire her courage in sharing. If her husband has given her permission to share, who am I to caution her? This is educative. May your marriage see 30, 40 more years of bliss. I look forward to reading an article like this then. Kudos.

  56. Journey

    October 14, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    TMIIIIII she is not the first nor the last “virgin” to get married. I don’t understand what any of this has to do with us! Are you so starved of attention that you feel the need to humbly brag about your brand new marriage. I really don’t understand what the purpose of this write up was! Go enjoy your marriage in private, stay off the damn blogs and quit telling everyone about how ur husband is rocking ur boat sexually. Its none of our business. And before anyone accuses me of being a hater, I am entitled to my own opinions even if they are unpopular, just because I choose to be logical about it doesn’t make me a hater…the ones who appreciate this drivel are lemmings anyway and we will always be on opposite ends of the logic spectrum.

    • Exquisite

      October 14, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Journey:
      Hi hater!
      I know I’m very private and will certainly not give out this type of information, needles to say, this REALLY helped me. Nigerians can be so hateful, myopic and judgmental.

    • Journey

      October 14, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      Exactly, my point proven! I am a hater because I have a different opinion from you..hi lemming, follower! Keep being predictable.

    • Exquisite

      October 14, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      Follower? Girl, you’d be alright. Smh.

  57. Original Reginald

    October 14, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    As follower of Christ (not the church) you are taught NOT to be anxious of anything including sex in marriage, because anxiety is a or reflection of fear. You were afraid and as such doubted that the God who kept you and told you to keep your virginity will not be able to finish the business when the time comes. Moreover sex is not to be avoided in order to be abused even in marriage for the pleasure therein. Ask a someone who knows he will tell you the real/biological purpose of ‘orgasm’ in the process of reproduction. Check it, if reproduction was not the intention why should the sperm flow in the first place. Be purposeful; be discrete at everything you do. Else your virginity was just a practice of tradition instead of righteous. it is written, all unrighteousness is sin, but there is a sin not leading unto death. Yours is a similar case. Let those who have the ears to hear, hear this. Love you!!! Happy marriage life!!! Your marriage is just a decoy to teach you how to remain a virgin for Jesus until the real marriage with Jesus in heaven. Get wisdom. In all of thy getting get understanding!

    • King Kas

      October 15, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      Not that deep mate… very obnoxious! gosh nigerians.

    • Idomagirl

      October 16, 2014 at 6:25 am

      Huh????????

  58. el

    October 14, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    This is indeed a lovely piece.thank you for educating us because we Africans are always so scared to talk aboutt real life sexual issues affecting us and thus most of us end up sad, confused, hurt ordepressed.God bless u need u r marriage dear.

  59. Ibo girl

    October 14, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Biko is the husband a virgin bikonu

  60. oma

    October 14, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    Well, thanks Mrs for this writeup, I really needed to read something like this, even as someone who’ hasn’t done the deed and has no experience, it was really enlightening…
    I’ve sha started reading books and doing some online researches since I have no one to tell me about it and explain the 411

  61. oma

    October 14, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Generally, this is a good post and it was actually refreshing seeing something like this,some Nigerians can be so hypocritical… May God Help us… Amen!

  62. Evilicious

    October 14, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    But no one is born sexually active tho, there is always a first time for everybody. For the couple that annulled their marriage bcos of the inability to have sex, nawa oh. Every woman is a virgin at some point, the first time may hurt, but u have a life time working at it with your spouse, it’s not a big deal.

  63. Bellemoizelle

    October 14, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Like some people said immorality is highly celebrated and a lot of BS is seen as normal now big example BBA ! I do not like it 1bit because it promotes alcoholism,sex,nudity and a whole lot of nonsense but I don’t judge ppl hu love it!Am celibate cos I want to be and I don’t even insult or look at people hu c no qualms in premarital sex and all ,Y?Cos it’s their opinion!Nigerians eeeee and thank you Mz Socially Awkward and it’s obvious in her article that she wasn’t imposing it on anyone or calling anybody out hu isnt celibate or a virgin,its just to encourage ladies hu are maybe in the process of thinking they are not normal for being virgins ….. I actually had a chat with a male friend sometime ago and I told him my position about no sex before marriage and all that,and I said to him if u believe its not wrong then fine I wont even judge and say u are bad cos its our opinion and nothing else and this doesn’t necessarily mean am a better christian or person,its just how I decide to channel my life
    Thanks Mrs Busari for sharing and for the encouragement!
    La vie est belle…………..

  64. Anonymous

    October 14, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    Retaining your virginity or staying celibate is the way to go.

  65. Steps

    October 14, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    It’s amazing how people’ words can be filled with so much venom. I agree we all have our opinions and all. Even when we don’t agree with the content Its totally possible to read the article and not drop a comment. Hateful comments get to me!

  66. GodBlessYou

    October 14, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    I do appreciate you sharing this with us (a virgin as well). I absolutely think it’s a blessing to us. Others might think it’s too much info but Babe…I gbadun u jare

    However, it makes me wonder what they teach you in pre-marital counselling…like seriously the Church need to do better as well as provide the necessary resources for soon-to-be bride #Shikena

    Your marriage will be a success & God will continue to bless your home. He will answer all your prayer and no evil one shall penetrate into your home in Jesus name

  67. G

    October 14, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    thanks for the write up… this encourages some of us…

  68. Baby girl

    October 14, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    I love this post. God bless you Lola for sharing. May God continue to keep your home and give you both more testimonies. Amen.

  69. Kemz

    October 14, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    Ok now I think bellanaija is having a laugh with these articles. I only just read the first article she wrote few weeks ago and I’m still in shock. Now this… I can’t even deal! Does the whole world REALLY need to know about your antics in bed and your private jokes with ur husband virgin or not? Anyways to each their own.

    • Lola Akindele Busari

      October 15, 2014 at 7:04 am

      Kemz the first article wasn’t written a week ago. It was over a year ago. But you’re right… To each his or her own x

  70. Ms. GrowingPains

    October 14, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    My 2cents… is it not worth her sharing her story if it helps others? Ironically, I have been pinching myself to write to BN for a while… Here’s my situation, my man and I waited for quite a while and he was very patient with me. We had intense makeout sessions but he could not get a finger in (I couldn’t use tampons either). It HURRRRT! All through, he kept asking if I was sure. He knew I wanted to wait and he didn’t want me to break that commitment, but I couldn’t imagine going through that pain on my wedding night (we have been together for sometime and plan to get married). Eventually, I went to the doc. to make sure all was well. Now, fast forward to present day… we have since done the “do” and bf is fantastic but I haven’t been able to climax during sex (but with clitoral stimulation I can). I know climax during sex is hard for women, but there’s still a part of me that’s curious to know if the big-O would come more easily with other men. In fact, I have jokingly suggested having a “hallpass” (one day/weekend/etc. during which your partner gives permission for you to see other people) and my man just looked at me quizzically and laughed, LOL. Me sef, I was laughing because I don’t know if I would go through with it even if he agreed (and he would not because which correct guy would agree to that?!?). He is a great guy (smart and heartbreakingly handsome too:) and tells me to be patient and that we need to explore more. BUT I’m scared that I may cheat eventually. I welcome people’s opinion on the matter. The point of all of this is that “waiting” and being with just one man no be beans o – there are so many concerns that no on talks about! Maybe she could have delivered her story better or left out some details, but don’t judge this woman too harshly for sharing. I know that for me, it would have been encouraging if I read this while going through my “growing pains.”
    BN: please don’t make this a separate post. 🙂

    • Ib

      October 15, 2014 at 1:24 am

      Girllllllll! You just wrote my story. This should be another post BN. A lot of women have this issue, me included and worry that something is wrong with them.In my case, I was highly disappointed because I had expected more. I actually called the thing off because I was done faking it…well among other things. I felt he deserved someone that would be truthful to him. In retrospect, I probably should have told him.Which brings the question of size. Does it really matter?

    • Mabel

      October 15, 2014 at 3:51 am

      My trusty Sue Johanson, you can Google her and go to her website, she used to say that it takes on average about two years for a woman to get comfortable sexually with her partner enough to orgasm regularly. Every man is different, but from my experience, and I’ve been around the block a few times, most men are just about the same in the bedroom, average. Very rarely will you come upon a man who does it so well your hair went from kinky to straight in one session, and I am not talking about just penetration, I am talking about the overall experience. If your man’s qualities are great as you say, and you truly do love him, it is best for you to just explore this journey together. than to think that better is out there; yes, better is out there, but how likely will it be for you to meet up on it without a few trials.? You do not want to become a serial cheater, that would damage your character. Work with what you have and get a lil bit adventurous, explore more as your bf says and stop thinking of orgasm as the ultimate goal, it will come easier if you do not think about it. There is a whole world of stuff out there that is very enjoyable, you don’t have to try them all, but you can open up yourself to those that suit your taste. BN is well censored, so I wont get into anything here, but the internet is there and I am sure you can find all sorts of info by doing a few quick searches.

    • slice

      October 15, 2014 at 4:13 am

      before you try another man, try a toy. dildo preferred or use a vibrator. definitely ask your man for some oral as well

  71. abby

    October 14, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Gross!!! Too much information that should be kept personal…really seriously.

  72. tata

    October 14, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Can all the virgins here keep quiet pls. I’m proud of you guys but DAMN! We still have virgins? Wow!

    • Shandi

      October 15, 2014 at 2:16 am

      Your comment is actually so lame.
      I’m married but I get agitated when non-virgins leave mindless and execrable comments like this. The virgins to keep quiet, for what reason(s) exactly? As your fellow Nigerians will say, you’re the one who knows what’s truly killing/biting you. You should actually keep quiet as you’re being irrational.

    • ao

      October 19, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      There you go telling someone how to comment. Why don’t you shut it. Comment police.

  73. PR Girl

    October 15, 2014 at 12:03 am

    All these type of stories that will start making one feel bad…*shrugs*.

  74. JT

    October 15, 2014 at 1:19 am

    I agree! Educating the virgin bride or not… its a stupid post! Way toooo TMIII – Its called bedroom act for a reason. But do wish you well in your marriage.
    Best!

  75. Dee Nina

    October 15, 2014 at 1:22 am

    Ok, cool. BN, we’re now waiting for the guy’s version. Shebi men have to lose their virginity, too? Please arrange their own testimony. Can’t wait to read it. Thanks!

    • Idomagirl

      October 16, 2014 at 6:28 am

      I agree. Let the male virgins tell us about their wedding night jitters, we keep reading all these stories from the female perspective, let’s hear from men at least once.

  76. Dee Nina

    October 15, 2014 at 1:32 am

    Ok, cool. BN, we’re now waiting for the guy’s version. Shebi men lose their virginity, too. Please arrange their own testimony. Can’t wait to read it!

  77. Anon

    October 15, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Too much information. Very tasteless

  78. What Da?

    October 15, 2014 at 3:52 am

    MRS VESSELS lol oh my eyes oh my thoughts please stop rookie!

  79. Lola Akindele Busari

    October 15, 2014 at 7:09 am

    Thank you to everyone who had such kind words and prayers to share. As I said earlier it was quite vivid but it’s been on my heart to share in order to help or encourage people… even if it’s just one person… And that’s what makes it all worth it despite some horrible comments from people who don’t understand or see the bigger picture. If you have any other questions then email me… [email protected]. God bless and thank you so much once again to those who had such lovely prayers of blessings for my marriage and home. May God bless you too x

    • Dami

      October 16, 2014 at 1:55 am

      God bless you for sharing. You have no idea. I also waited and I had the same exact feelings, I felt like I was letting my husband down. I mean the only thing he planned was our honeymoon and after going all the way to Asia we didn’t have sex our entire honeymoon because I couldn’t go through with it. I had all the sex kits in the world, Google is great but real life experiences from pple is that much better. We didn’t have sex for about 2 whole weeks. I felt ill prepared. I wish someone had told me this would happen so I could have planned my honeymoon for a month after the wedding. No one goes into explicit details on what you should expect. How u feel like someone put pepper there, how you back hurts, how it takes a whole year before it starts getting great. God bless you for this. Thanks for helping someone.

  80. Ariyike

    October 15, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Sweet darling, as the yorubas say, ‘Eni ti a n ba naa ja la n wo, aa ki n wo ariwo oja’..(When in the market,your only object of concern is your customer not the noise in the market) Thanks for being bold enough to do this to help others who have a need for it even when you anticipated hurtful response from another woman.. I’m sure Bella who decided to post this here is not foolish. Anyways, may God bless Your marriage immensely.. May He put sweetness into your home. God bless You.

  81. TheLazyNatural

    October 15, 2014 at 8:08 am

    Truly inspiring !

  82. Shygirl

    October 15, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Hmm…. I will say I admire your courage for making this personal experience public. It will definitely meet someone’s need. I pray for you that your marriage will be further bonded with cords of love and unity.

  83. EmpressOVA

    October 15, 2014 at 10:03 am

    Am really blessed n overjoyous by what u jus shared.
    Av alws avoided d ‘thought’ but wt dis…am trusting God to b d best for my husband even as we look forward to d appointed tym.
    U made my day,ma’am!
    #bothteamspartytoabstinencetillmarriage#

  84. Omotade

    October 15, 2014 at 10:11 am

    Wow! such a lovely piece…an eye opener nd an encouraging 1. Best of luck in ur marriage.

  85. Kiffy Daniel

    October 15, 2014 at 10:33 am

    BN commenters always makes life so much more laughable…1 question…what about the man’s virginity? We don’t care do we? & y’all wonder why it’s still a man’s world? It’s because the women keep it so. HWA hope y’all continue to live in bliss

  86. King Kas

    October 15, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Finally, Great to read a post of substance on a nigerian blog, From someone well spoken & composed, Please bella more interesting but provoking posts. thumps up to lola for that good old honesty…. had to read in 2 parts as the post was loooong! then took another day to comment. Great stuff.

  87. Hello Lola

    October 15, 2014 at 11:34 am

    It’s so refreshing that you could write about this, it only takes courage and Faith. Thanks for sharing. I’m a single virgin & by God’s grace I’ll remain that way till I get married. There are a lot of virgins currently suffering in silence. I believe the church should do more in sex education to couples during counselling. Due to the fact that I’m afraid of the wedding night, I just pray my future husband agrees to no sex that wedding night. I don’t even know how the whole sex think works. I’ll really love to be your friend, & I’ll get in touch. Thank you & may your Marriage be rock solid, & an example of what a Christian home should be. Amen

    • Bellemoizelle

      October 15, 2014 at 1:14 pm

      Thats her email address @Hello lola [email protected]. La vie est belle…..

  88. biggie

    October 15, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    pls what of people who have experienced serious smooching, anal sex, oral sex, teasing, fingering, etc; do they still count as virgins?! cos it seems that people just think because the hymen has not been “tampered with”, then the girl is well brought up, pure and untouched!

    • baboushka

      October 15, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      Virginity is so overrated gheezzzzzzzzzz

    • Mayowa

      October 16, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Your stupidity is overrated.

    • CJP

      October 15, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Biggie

  89. lor

    October 15, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Are u serious right now. You all criticizing her, are all obtuse. And it’s so sad, that because one is a virgin and is sharing and giving her opinion, it becomes a sin. Am still a virgin and I get comments similar, because you no more a virgin Dosent mean you talk down on the 10% of us still remaining. SMH…. I find this article very encouraging. Thanks for sharing

  90. tyme

    October 15, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Quite frankly, i don’t see anything wrong in this post, its expected they are newlyweds and she is still in a euphoric estate, besides the fact that it wasn’t helpful to you doesn’t mean it won’t change someone’s life, different strokes for different folks, lola i wish u a happy married life
    @faith sweetheart something is wrong somewhere, and trust me darling a stitch in time saves nine, girl u work hard for this money so u damn well have the right to know how its been managed
    About the orgasm issue, quite frankly am no virgin i have had 3 boifriends in my 25 years on earth but never once have i had an orgasm, and trust me i do all the styles i can because i read somewhere that u need to know the style that works best for you, but seriously with this 3 guyz i have never reached climax and its a problem for me coz these guyz are great but for me i feel something is missing thats y i ended it with the previous 2 coz i dont understansd how someone can be so perfect for u but in d sex department its not working, trust me its really frustrating

    • You need me

      October 15, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Tyme, please come to me
      Let me give you just two lines out of my cv
      -Made a professional/active girl cum 2times within minutes (yes 2x within minutes)
      -made an active girl cum before penetrating and during penetration with squirts

      They ain’t skilled. Come for an experience, and your life will never remain the same again!

    • You need me

      October 15, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      Tyme, please come to me
      Let me give you just two lines out of my cv
      -Made a professional/active girl cum 2times within minutes (yes 2x within minutes)
      -made an active girl cum before penetrating and during penetration with squirts

      They ain’t skilled. Come for an experience, and your life will never remain the same again

  91. Alphabetadeltatheta

    October 15, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Mrs Busari hi, I’m glad to know you go through the comments and actually take time out to respond to some. I have some questions for you though.

    1. Do you still wake up at 3am to discuss with ‘The Lord’ or it ended after you had bagged Dayo?

    2. Did ‘The Lord’ tell you the reason why he was primarily discussing things about you and Dayo’s relationship and marriage and not discussing other things like war, famine, diseases etc? Did he tell you that the fruit of your union with Dayo will bring forth a child who would affect mankind positively? I’m saying this because the times recorded in the bible that God visited people with such frequency (example Moses) wasn’t to talk about trivial matters (your marriage in the grand scheme of things is trivial but important to you and your friends and family, I’m not putting it down sweety so relax).

    3. Aside from the feeling of intense body heat and euphoria (not a great indicator of authenticity as some drugs can also give you that kinda rush or even an orgasm sef) how else were you able to know it was The Lord Almighty or Jesus that was visiting you? Could it be you experienced a close encounter of the fifth kind with extra terrestrials? Most abductees claim they were spirited away by otherworldly beings and what you’re describing actually sounds like it. Just because the being mentioned Christ doesn’t quite make it real.

    4. Do you like The science fiction genre? If yes as a Christian it might affect your sense of perception.

    5. If I came to you with this story of out of this world encounters would you believe me? Would you ask for proof or you’d just accept it without questions? You see I work with faith as a Christian but I’m also rational. The bible says the devil is the father of lies and trust me there’s no length the devil won’t go to deceive people, he likes to use people in the church, why do you think a lot of pastors have strayed and the uncompromised ones are constantly under attack, the devil has no chill. Please next time you go on this trance please vet the being that appeared to you, make sure it is who it claims it is.

    7. Do you have white garment church history? I don’t have anything against them o. It’s just that I’m the garden variety Pentecostal and such things as described by you doesn’t happen everyday to most of us. Aside from accounts from the bible The last I heard of been whisked away and angel visitations and feedings was from some white garment folks when my old lady used to take me there as a child.

    I seriously need answers to my questions so I can take you seriously cos I really want to. I want to believe but I need more proof. Faith only comes through the word of God and not the word of man so I cannot exercise my precious faith to believe something of this magnitude said by an ordinary human being. I’m begging for proof because you know how some people concoct stories and try to deceive people who are desperate for gist that God still exists.

    You married as a virgin? Wow that’s commendable dear. Wish I was a virgin but deep down I don’t regret all the good sex I’ve had but as a Christian one should try to uphold virtue and sexual purity. I still think you divulged a bit too much oooo. If this was a Christian blog or a forum targeted at virgin soon to be brides or so it would have been ok. Anyway what do I know about such things sef. Happy married life sweety.

    Sorry if my epistle has gbagauns and typos because na iPad I dey use and you know how e dey be.

    • Topsyturvy

      October 15, 2014 at 1:48 pm

      What an epistle! Who has time to read your novel called comment? Quite funny I must confess. Madam Busari who asked you if the wine served at your wedding was alcoholic or nonalcoholic? So you’re deeply religious, virtuous, pure and spirio but you fix hot blond weave on and pierce nose. You even watch that pro-homosexual tv programme called orange is the new black and even count it as one of your favorite tv shows? Do you cover your eyes during the girl on girl sex scenes which are explicit or like the rest of us mere mortals you cheer them on while waiting impatiently for the new season. Lol. Yes I am judging you because I can if one doesn’t want to be judged don’t put your business out there.

    • Que

      October 15, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      You certainly need answers, but I doubt her answers will satisfy you…. just keep praying n discerning according to your own measure of faith n rationality… Just as all children of the same parents are not equal in everything, all christians are not equal…. it wont make heaven reject u…. Fact is, I don’t kno enough of her spiritual journey to say whats true or false, but I have in my lifetime witnessed some unbelievable things and so I thread cautiously with doubting the experience of others…. spiritual matters dont always exist to make sense according to our thinking.
      I hope you find the much needed answers.

    • Lola Busari

      October 16, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      No problem at all. I will gladly answer your questions. Send me an email and we can discus. Just to confirm however, no I did not go to a white garment church and yes… if you ever hear the voice of God, you will surely know it…even if others don’t believe you. You would have to ask God himself why He spoke to me about my marriage and not about world poverty or anything else on the grand scheme of things…only He knows the answer to that.
      But send me an email when you’re free and we can discuss properly.

      God bless x

    • slice

      October 16, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      if you’re ok about being open about your life, carry on. everyone has their own gifting. Oprah has been accused of being too open but she’s making money doing it. personally, i’m too shy to be this open but not everyone feels the need to keep things a secret. i have friends that don’t mind talking about exact sexual positions they did last night. me i’ll just be sipping my tea listening and laughing. People are difft. Let’s not impose our standards of privacy on others

    • name

      October 16, 2014 at 11:18 pm

      God Bless your heart to even calmly reply to all these really mean and hurtful comments … People fail to see that it is our heart that matters more to God than any physical appearance .. I am truly shocked by all the judgemental and unnecessary mean comments.. Some people cover themselves from head to toe and do not use hair extensions but their heart is so wicked that the devil himself will be shocked! Ride on sister. I truly understand all your messages. I hear from the lord too and have similar experiences just like you. My mom calls it “the virgin prayer”. It is a deep spiritual connection but sadly, not everyone will understand nor appreciate these messages but I can testify they are REAL!!!. Keep spreading messages from your heart … Many things i want to say but in summary, May God Bless you and your home … and continue to use you to reach out to people who are in need. God Bless!

  92. doodle

    October 15, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Lola i appreciate you sharing thus issue to help other couples.the church surely lags behind in helping these couples start on the right footing and so many parents also dont do the job.that being said i think you could have shared the story in a way that doesnt directly point to your marriage.anyway its my opinion.God bless you and your marriage.i wish you Gods guidiance as you walk down this path.

    • Lola Busari

      October 16, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Amen. Thank you x

  93. chivicky

    October 15, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    real touching, feeling bad but learnt from it. thanks so much

  94. famous

    October 15, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Hey Guys, my story is a bit different. I lost my virginity to my ex like some 4 years ago. I met this “supposedly” nice guy this year. Initially, i was attracted to him because he seemed spiritual, inspiring and the kinda guy that ticked the right boxes. This guy was a bit opinionated on the no sex before marriage. Fast forward few months to our friendship, he asked me out and then we started dating. All of a sudden, dude started demanding for sex and when i refused he said sex cant be ruled out in a relationship. He says that he wont ask me for sex and that infact me depriving him would give him a chance to walk away freely without any sense of emotional attachment. I also a bit worried when he sister asked if he had a gf on phone and he went on to say in my presence that he doesnt have a gf! i almost died, i feel pained and stupid, but i just dont know how to end this so called relationship. Sorry for the long epistle guys.

    • Mayowa

      October 16, 2014 at 1:08 pm

      Just end it, he’s not worth it. If he can act like that just because of sex, then girl he’s free to go. Be careful of guys that take sex as their daily bread.

    • Anonymous

      October 16, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      Ms. Famous don’t beat yourself up, let him go, he’s not worth it. If he was spiritual like you said, that will be the least thing on his mind. Just like I told my Ex- I’m the boss of my self & pressuring me for sex wouldn’t get u any. So it’s my way or the high way. So Daryln do what’s best for U..

  95. BBB

    October 15, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    So what advise do you have for non-virgins that you have now made feel guilty and worthless and if they don’t find a good man it’s because of their “whorish” ways?

    • Idomagirl

      October 16, 2014 at 6:37 am

      You must have read a different article because I don’t see what is in this piece to make anyone feel guilty and worthless. Relax biko.

    • Mayowa

      October 16, 2014 at 1:06 pm

      BB:
      Huh? You’d be alright. Unnecessary conscience.

    • PA

      October 16, 2014 at 3:47 pm

      If you feel guilty and worthless then it is because of your inherent lack of self-esteem. Anyone with a shred of self confidence would be able to maintain thar confidence irrespective of what others may say. Who told you to lose your virginity? If you didn’t want to, then why did you?

  96. NGEH NADEGE

    October 15, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    wow feel so great reading your story. this is so encouraging considering that i made the decision to preserve myself till marriage three years ago and i am going all the way despite the challenges . thanks so much and may the ALMIGHTY GOD, THE PERFECT MATCH MAKER continue to bless u and Ur hubby and let Jesus continue to be the foundation of Ur marriage in JESUS’ NAME. GOD BLESS U DEAR

  97. bob

    October 15, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    JUST END IT!

  98. loew

    October 15, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    The decision is hers to be made.true that sex is highly overated and when you reach that stage life becomes a “hedonist treadmill” look that one up.If one chooses to make somethings bigger in their life, they surely become bigger.I agree that the bride is somewhat delusional and naive in this whole marriage saga but who isnt? To the virgins out there, keep doing what you are doing, your reward is what your reward is.Who knows? I hope the bride can see what people in this world really think about her kind.For me, being happy is the ultimate, which ever way you choose. eat cake today or eat cake tomorrow.The cake will still enter belle and you will shit am.How the cake was prepared will not matter in the end.

  99. Tokunbo

    October 15, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Alphabetadeltatheta,,,, You spoke my mind.

    Lola you remind of those overpius over religious bigots who speak THE WORD on one hand and shags the next pastor who prophecies into their lives. Some one had sent this link to me last week i read a few lines and shut it down. However this evening i took time to read this piece and GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL I AM SO ANNOYED i wasted 3 minutes of valuable time to read this.

    Come back in 5 years and lets hear your story then… All the best though!

  100. vivi

    October 15, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    I liked that she shared it. The title may b misleading. She touched on a very valid point on how the church does not talk about sex. I really dint know about how hard it was for virgins on their first night…..using a vaseline…just hearing this…hmmm

  101. Eve

    October 16, 2014 at 3:30 am

    God bless you and congratulations to the both of you, have a good life .Awesome photos.Thank you for sharing these beautiful memories.

  102. sunbeam

    October 16, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Very inspiring and encouraging piece. I can definitely relate to this article. Nigeria is a closed mouth society. Am an introvert so I blushed purple a bit while reading this article but am happy someone was bold enough to share this. the story is not for everyone to relate too so for those bashing her up let the babe be. She shared her OWN PERSONAL experience so far. She didn’t say virgins will have a better experience than non virgins. People should relax and stop being bitter. Am a virgin getting married soon and I have ample information from books and google but sometimes I just want to get a numbing cream to get it over with (lol)
    May God continue to make your home beautiful mr and mrs busari

  103. Mimi

    October 16, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Lola its okay and i can imagine how you feel or don’t feel because of all the comments. You should have expected it would be a mixed grill since it’s to the general public. I cried on my wedding night too(i was a virgin) because i felt i was disappointing my husband. Yet, i had done all the google searches. I believe that there’s the place for reading up information and a place for sharing with a human being. That person might not be saying anything new but it’s emotionally soothing because you can out a face to the experience and know that you are not alone.

    Lola, you are brave. Maybe BN didnt help your article with the title, and maybe the article could have been split into two. You can have the right message for the wrong audience. You can also have different message mixed into one and clarity of the main point is lost.

    I celebrate you! What people think about this post must not define who you are. You are you, darling Mrs Busari and nobody can be you. You are growing and learning in life as you mature. Not everything is black or white. So I’ll say keep growing, keep knowing and keep sharing.

    Much Love

  104. ATL's finest

    October 16, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Na wa!!! Lmao.. Reading all these comments made my day 🙂 Lola I applaud you for having the courage to share this. God bless your Union.

  105. What Da?

    October 16, 2014 at 11:19 pm

    Spoken like a true virgino lol “The Vessells” Boy I remember dem days when I use to form like I know whats up tee hee hee

  106. scarlet

    October 17, 2014 at 10:44 am

    my dear lola you did a nice job here but i think you should have given it a title or like have blog for this type of story. i married as a virgin but i didn’t come out publicly to announce it. the bible made us to understand as Christians you should not let your right hand to know what the left hand is doing. in the bible Jesus went ahead to call the Pharisees and Sadducee hypocrites because when they are fasting they go about on sackcloth for the whole world to know that they are fasting and Jesus condemned such act as a Christian. you can organize a seminar or open a blog or a page for it on Facebook or any social media to reach so many young girls who are naive about being a virgin and how they can overcome the fear infused on them by peer group. now the whole world knows you married as a virgin what credit does it give you and where do you get your reward. is from God or man. i am not condemning you but i am trying to give a clue on what you should have done and the whole story will be perfect. stay cool in the lord and please do not decline from you faith and also guide your salvation with fear and trembling. remain blessed and may your marriage blossom with peace, love and testimonies.

    • newbie

      October 21, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      So she could have put her info on a blog or on facebook but not on BN? What’s the difference abi are they all not public fora? What of people who are not on facebook? Or people who would otherwise not know her blog – doesn’t it make sense that if she has something worthwhile to share she should share it where it can have the widest reach? And where did she say she was sharing her information in anticipation of a ‘reward’ from anyone, God or man? I’m pretty sure she made it clear that she was sharing so that her experience would hopefully help some young women who find themselves in a similar situation as her. And the analogy about right hand and left hand not knowing what each other are doing….y’all can extrapolate and interpret like mahddddd!

  107. Shola

    October 18, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    clearly! Most people who had a negative comment are NOSY (don’t lie you enjoyed the story small small, because you wouldn’t have read it to the end if that was the case ………. right?) you knew what to expect when you read the title so why are you surprised at the content.. Not only that she gave a disclaimer that it would be explicit content so something should have told you: HELL NAH I AINT READING THIS ……. right ? and then go about your business, but No. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it all. You can correct out of love , but some of your comments are just hatred. Just do you boo.

  108. Aderonke

    October 18, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    congratssss dear,more beautiful years ahead

  109. Sweetmimi

    October 18, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    Wow! your testimony is inspirational & quite encouraging i love that. God bless ur marriage.

  110. rachel

    October 19, 2014 at 5:49 am

    wow! vaseline should not be used for sex! there are bad side effects to using petroleum jelly. to all the virgins out there, try proper lube 😉

  111. Titilayo

    October 19, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Congratulations. I pray that your testimony will encourage others to remain pure until the wedding night. So many professing Christians now a days refuse to obey the Bible to keep the marriage bed undefiled. It is possible! I speak from experience

  112. Titilayo

    October 19, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Rachel, Vaseline served me just fine 23 years ago!

  113. newbie

    October 21, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Lovely read. And from such a youn’un – a lot of wisdom. I skim-read some of the comments (hehe there were too many jare) with of course a bias for some of my faves (MSA, Berry, Slice et al;-) ) and the vibe I get is that Lola is being told off by some commenters for sharing TMI. Well, I didn’t find so and I found that the much she shared she did tastefully. On vaseline….smdh! Please do not try at home! On flashing your ring at ‘potential toasters’ on the beach -o’girl don’t be a learner o, those could well be potential robbers who would be more than happy to relieve you of your precious bling. And finally yes, like someone suggested, consider stepping in to fill that gap that you have noticed in the marriage counselling arena. Start with your local church, who knows where that would take you? Here’s sincerely wishing you all the best in your marriage.

  114. hello

    October 21, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    this story is uncaled for jare. wat da heck! na u be first virgin wey marry? there are some things that shud be kep private plsssssssssssss. i dont blame her sha. she’s young , naive and immatured.

  115. Oh la la!

    October 24, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    This i call the ‘Kim kardashian effect’ – the need to share personal details to get popular. Or why else would a supposedly wise and virtuous wife share a private nick name with the world. Everyone will soon start calling her husband Sailor

  116. Sillycrazycool

    October 24, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    I agree it’s the kim K/ Paris Hilton effect. Everyone wants to be famous at all cost.
    I am quite surprised that she’s a masters grad. There’s a lack of critical thinking – she writes lick someone writing in a members only journal or in a xtian journal. There’s a language a doctor would use writing in a medical journal(because the language is familiar to all members) but would not use in a general forum.
    The girl writes like everyone on here is not only a xtian but are her church members with similar values. Saying things like angel took her to heaven to see God so casually smacks of someone who doesn’t know their audience
    I must say she’s less preachy and more charming in this piece as opposed to the last one but as much as I want to like her I still don’t relate and can’t empathise and I find her very naive.
    There’s also a lot of poor little rich girl thing going on. What she wants more than anything is popularity/fame and she’s willing to pay the price by sharing private matters and risking negative comments. First of all she does brag a lot: they went to Paris for anniversary, stayed in spa hotel during wedding and immediately flew to Dominican rep( not Barbados) and have been to Qatar etc( my, aren’t they very worldly?) note that in the pictures she shared with us she made sure to name the places they took them at.
    A lot of celebs do this very narcissistic thing of sharing their ‘problems’ and claim to do so out of their need to help others with same problems- you don’t need to have a high iq to work out that they are only interested in being talked about. Same thing this woman does sharing private matters ‘ out of wanting to help other virgins in similar situation. Sorry girl, you are too obvious. If the people you wanted to help are virgins and other new brides you would have started something from your church. Besides the problem is a universal one after all every girl is a virgin at some point! It’s not just virginal brides that have difficulty having sex or are anxious about the first time. Again she wanted to brag about her virginity and couldn’t stop herself from bragging about her husband prowess in the sack. Even Carried of SATC fame would have blushed with her ‘ my husband is a sailor and knows how to make his vessel orgasm’ nonsense.
    Now you need to go and face your marriage and stop making ur home too enticing to home breakers out there. If you truly want to help then volunteer with the appropriate people and stop inviting strangers and outsiders to ur home. Sharing that ur husband is a ‘tiger’ in bed, that u call him sailor or that you became so agile that you could bend into any position is just at best tacky. Actually, it’s crass. Poor little rich girl

  117. V tillammarried

    October 25, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Mrs Busari,may God continue to strengthen the cord of your marriage,and this write up,I must say has opened my eyes to so many things. I am a virgin by his grace,and I will be getting married soon,I never knew there will be a need for a lubricant,even my boo told me that after the first day,it will be smooth sailing, but that I doubt very much. I will get in touch with you as the day approaches to learn from your experience. God bless u dear.
    And to the haters,u don’t have to read!Nigerians can pretend like kilode! U can’t encourage one but you surely know how to pull down! Hypocrites!!! And some are even quoting bible passages. Mscheeew.

  118. Yaya

    October 25, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    Hi Lola,
    If I were you, I wouldn’t bother replying seriously..
    Most people don’t understand what it means to be brought up in London , be a Christian and to be a virgin at 26 years on your wedding night.
    Thank you very much for this piece as I so much relate with you and I have always thought I was weird until I read your post.
    I am happy that you have taken this bold step but I wish I saw this before I got married in April
    My hubby was so excited about having sex as he was also a virgin on our wedding night so I decided to act like I wanted it too without being excited to get wet.
    I had bought KY jelly and used it that night but oh dear! It felt like they poured chilli peppers on an open wound, it hurt so much that I couldn’t smile at all next day at thanksgiving.
    I hope someone out there will read that post and understand what it feels like.
    I trust someone’s sex experience especially on their wedding night will be better after your write up.

    God bless xx

  119. marculey

    October 25, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Oluwa see comments, haters nd lovers keep your opinion to yourselves shikina!

  120. Vivian

    October 26, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    I sorta like the way the writer is dealing with the comments. Don’t take them too personally and be appreciative- there are many people who would love for just 50 to read their blog to the end a feat you have easily achieved and many times over. Not only that, your readers are so interested that they are happy to share their comments.
    I also agree that premarital counsellor can do more to relive many brides anxiety by broaching the topic (although, I think most British churches would assume the deed has already been done). I do think the people that really failed you are your family and friends. I am shocked that your mom didn’t talk to you about this matter especially since you didn’t hide your virgin status from her? What about your sisters? I know most nigerian parents are reserved with sexual matters but they usually shed their reservations to discuss marital sexual expectations with their daughters
    I also think you were too graphical and shared too much info- anyone seeing a cushion/ pillow around you two would draw the conclusion that you guys were about to or just played hiding the sausage. And your husband can’t escape from being caller oi oi sailor!

  121. T.I.

    October 27, 2014 at 3:57 am

    This is good, thanks Mrs.Busari.
    For the negative comments I feel like the Bible passage that says “don’t throw pearls to pigs, they won’t know what to do with it” is apt here. Nigerians can be a mean spirited bunch. Ever heard of eating the meat, and spitting out the bones?

  122. Fraggle 411

    October 28, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Psychologically, the human mind tends to “hate” people who seem to have all the things we want but don’t, most especially the things we can never get again, like virginity…
    You would be surprised that the underlying factor beneath most of the hurtful or hateful comments here are the fact that many girls, ladies etc did not lose their virginity in such pomp and pandour manner. If given the chance, many of us would lose our virginity in a different manner than we did…
    Again, this lady does not live in Nigeria, so she may not have a first-hand mentality of ‘keep everything a secret, because of principalities and powers that attack testimonies” lol. (I’ve been to and met diverse races of the world and know that beliefs and thoughts vary widely on different subjects), a Nigerian-grounded woman may not have shared this so explicitly, so lets cut her some slack.
    You are an inspiration, this story makes waiting worth a good while (I didn’t marry a virgin). May God bless yourmarriage, and may you continue to find the honey in your marriage. Amen.

  123. laviva

    October 31, 2014 at 6:06 am

    @ ms growing in pains… pls don’t even think about cheating on your wonderful bf coz u haven’t climaxed. I bet the next guy n the guy after that won’t help you get there. I tried it and it only gave landed me a list!. Fast forward a few years of celibacy. And my dear hubby does it right. Though climaxing thru sex isn’t as regular as i would like it. But climax na climax doesn’t matter how! Also be thankful coz not alot of women reach orgasm.
    To Mrs busari alot of people are hating coz they lack the boldnes that God has freely given you.
    I wish you the very best. God bless you

  124. Djsgirl

    November 11, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    A friend just shared your story with me and i think it’s Awesome! Thanks for sharing

  125. Arinolaolukitan.

    August 3, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Just coming across this today. And your pre-wedding testimony also. i am genuinely happy for you both and congratulate you both: on (by His grace, love and mercy) persevering in faith to end for ‘Dayo’s salvation, and your marriage, the fulfillment of the Divine Promise, staying sexually pure whilst dating and for ‘Lola all your life until marriage; I congratulate ‘Dayo’s parents and siblings also for still accepting and loving you both despite their son leaving their religion and how they must have felt and the embarrassment, etc they must deal/have dealt with in their religious community and family.

    I appreciate and really am enthused about your zeal for the LORD, however, please, I am truly sorry but I do have to agree with the view that you shared a bit too much in various places. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have or shouldn’t continue to speak about sex WITHIN MARRIAGE and as a MARRIED WOMAN WITH HER HUSBAND’S BLESSING, this subject is highly needed in all its subject areas (including homosexuality, etc) in the Church of our Lord and Bridegroom Jesus Christ. What I am saying is that some details are not necessary and are even improper, and indecent to share.

    As someone already said: “Wisdom is profitable to direct.”

    You MUST ask and seek the LORD for His Wisdom on how best, the right way to go about spreading His gospel, speaking His Truth and sharing the message He has given you to share (and ONLY that. Paul the apostle never disclosed what his “”thorn”” was, just that he was given one. He never named/identified himself as the “”man who 14 years ago”” went up to Heaven and saw visions and revelations. Even in the recounting of the visions and revelations, he still made it clear that such were of a nature that it was “”not permissible for any man to speak””. Even Marketing and Brand Communications practitioners know there is such a thing Product, Price, Place, Packaging, etc. It’s not enough to have a Product, in your case, Message. The product must be rightly priced according to the Positioning eg premium, luxury, mid-range, cost-saving, it is given and according to the buying power of the market demographic it is targeted to. The right distribution channels i.e. Place must also be chosen for the product.) You could have shared the generality of your story on BN but kept the more explicit details for (non-recorded on video/camera) small, intimate, women and girls-only (church) groups.

    “”All things are lawful to me/I have the right to do anything/all things are permissible to me but not all things are beneficial/profitable/expedient.””

    The truth and fact remains that as a woman especially but also really even for men, there are some subjects or some degree of detail in certain subjects that it simply isn’t proper to talk about in public and/or to those one is not close to. One must be careful not to dance on the edge or close to the edge of the pitfall of lewdness and salaciousness, loose talk.

    The second thing I have to agree about, forgive me, please, I really, truly have your very best interests at heart and more than that, the larger picture of the spread of our Lord’s gospel and the advancement and establishment of His Kingdom here on earth. I want, in truth, it’s a need, all the souls in the world, if God could let it happen, to come into the Kingdom of God (and that I, first and foremost, not be found wanting, not fall by the wayside after having preached to many, on that Last Day. GOD Forbid it in Jesus’ Name, Amen) and that second thing is your choice of food on which you feed your spirit and your soul, your life, to tell the truth. I mean, precisely, your choice of tv programming that you watch. I think out of all the tv programmes you mentioned, the only two I watched were Suits and Downton Abbey. I know I stopped watching Suits. I don’t remember why now. But it had to have been either sexual content or the story was getting too dark. I haven’t watched television for, perhaps, 6 months this year now. I tend to go on a tv fast every year it seems. You’re in the UK, apparently, and at this moment I’m in Nigeria so the current example I can use is from Nigeria: and I am telling you that in watching tv here in Nigeria, my Dstv (the popular cable channel here that brings all the programmes you mentioned and all other prime programming from the UK and US and Nigeria) ‘age’ is 13. By this I refer to the age each programme is rated as suitable for. This is what I have come to find. And, no matter how very interesting the plot and storyline in the trailer earlier advertised, once a movie starts and the banner flashes across the screen “”Warning: this movie has adult content.”” well, that’s the end of that for me. I have learnt (I hope). The same applies to any programme that has the V (for violence), L (for language) advertised on the screen before its opening scenes begin. I don’t remember sex scenes from Breaking Bad (when I was watching), I remember distinctly though that it just got too dark for me, on and on with no streak, no colour, no hope of anything in the least bit redemptive or inspiring, soul-lifting in sight. As for Scandal, why would I want to feed my spirit and my soul with something that makes adultery look glamorous? subtext of a sugardaddy? he may not have been giving her money but he sure was doing things for her and he was the president, the most powerful man in the world, supposedly. You must know about politicians (most of them, not all) here; why should I watch something that tells me that’s okay? and all the other constant dark intrigues, betrayals, homosexual relationships, deep treachery, twisted relationships, even in immediate family; is this what my spirit and soul need? Is this beneficial to me? Does this help me in my Christian walk or is its effect the contrary? As for Orange Is The New Black, I have never even watched one episode. Not even a trailer. The written descriptions of its storyline, scenes, etc was more than enough warning. Even the descriptions of it by those defending it, speaking for it, just had and have the intended effect on me. How any true Cristian who has the Holy Spirit in them can watch such a thing, and others like Shades of Grey (something else I haven’t and will never watch) is beyond my comprehension.

    Please, we are all growing and learning every day, I, most of all.

    I wish you both well; so much success, good success as the Word of God says, and joy on all fronts. Thank you for your article. I thank the Almighty God for your testimonies. SURELY, the enemy and adversary, even satan is defeated completely and irreversibly in both your lives, marriage, home and your entire genealogy until Jesus Christ shall return in glory to rapture His Church. “”And they defeated him by the BLOOD of the LAMB, by the Word of their testimony and by not loving their lives unto death.”” I think speaking your testimony and putting it out there to the glory of His Name, especially knowing all the enemy fire it was going to draw (thank God that “”And I, if I be lifted high shall draw all men unto Me.”” also applies) qualifies as the last part of that trio of weapons in that Scripture.

    God bless you.

    In JESUS’ Name, Amen.

  126. jennietobbie

    October 8, 2016 at 1:11 am

    Look at God…divine connector. My curiosity led me here after I read your blog yesterday.
    NB..This page has been bookmarked..for sure. Thank you for living for Christ and sharing your journey with Him through us.

    🙂 🙂

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