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Adeniyi Akinjogbin: He Said – Why We Will Not Date You

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Well, as a guy, we would almost date anyone who gives us eye, and is willing to do anything we want them to. But, babes, in this era of main chic and side babe, you have to know the one you are. So, from a guy who has not had a lot of experience with dating girls, here is a rundown of the reasons why I would date/not date a girl.

All natural, no sugar, spice and everything nice
Confession – I like “Deeper girls”. When you see a really beautiful deeper life girl, you know she is fine. No makeup, no nada. But, women, please, you have to know that men like a little bit of “Extra”. Have concealer, and all those gbogbo e things. Ahnhan? Look presentable please. We like your natural beauty, and we love you like that, but if you do not look presentable, “On to the next one”.
Also, wear nice clothes. Don’t give me all that “It’s not about what I wear, it’s about who I am”. See eenh, men like it when other men are scoping their babes. Wear a nice skirt and blouse, with nice shoes. You don’t have to break the bank to look good. Don’t buy Brazilian hair; there are cheaper weaves you can buy. Men do not kuku know the difference between Brazilian or Peruvian hair anyway.

All lies, no truth
In relation to the above point, yes we like all that “extra extra”; but when you now do it too much that we cannot recognise you, now that’s bad. The one that you will go home with a girl the night before and in the morning, you are wondering who the “Ogbanje” sleeping beside you is.
Also, what’s the business with all that fake “yansh” and “Bobbi”? My friends and I went for one wedding last year, and we wanted to allow one girl with this fine piece of behind sit on our chair. That’s how as she was about to sit down, her “Yansh” shifted. Wait, did the bone dislocate? Personally, I don’t like it when a girl is showing off all her assets even before I start talking to her. You will wear short dress and be adjusting it every minute because it’s too short. You will wear dress and be pulling it up because all your breast is showing. Please, there are ways you can arrange yourself and look decent, but still look like an “I’m sexy and you know it” babe.

Bey behaviour
I still have a huge crush on Beyoncé though. These days, because babes are now making money more than men, they feel like they can insult them. Let me tell you something, “Shove your money…” I mean, men like women who can handle their business, but it does not warrant misbehaviour. When you will be rude because you are working in oil company and making armed robber money. A man wants to take care of a woman. Some men will not approach you just because you are very proud, and you will be wondering why you have no boyfriend at 35. In some cases though, men are intimidated by successful women, and it might be because of the male ego… they are just scared. Women, tone down that feminist behaviour and get yourself a boyfriend today. FYI, I’m a big feminist though. Female presidents and all that pro feminist stuff.

I go chop your dollar
I detest broke babes with a passion. When a girl is always asking… “Bobo, buy me this, bobo send money to my account, bobo, pay for my brother’s school fees”. Omo, na to run o. I’m not saying I don’t like buying babes stuff. I’m not stingy. But, some women will make you feel like it’s your obligation to sponsor their life. Why? Are you an orphan? Babes, spend money on a man. That’s one of the sexiest things u can do for a guy. A man, even after he marries you does not have to buy you everything. Don’t ask your boyfriend or toaster for something you or your parents can’t afford (Okay that might be a bit extreme sha…). I dunno, I won’t date an “I want, I want” babe sha.

100 yards of China White
“Mummy, what will you have for dinner? I can make you Indomie alacat”. What’s that? It goes beyond cooking sef. These days, people don’t regard the knowledge of cooking as something important. Me, I like food. A man will not find a woman who has no basic knowledge of taking care of a house attractive. Stop watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and think that’s how life will be. Even if you have life all fab with maids and man servants, please, know how to cook and clean. My dear, you don’t have to do it, just know how to do it. My darling, the past is not really the past. Even though I hope the world gets past the “A man is a bad guy, a woman is a whore depending on how many sexual partners they have” phase, it still tells on who would find you attractive, and who wants to just gbensh. On the other hand… I’m starting not to make any sense right now.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely

Adeniyi Akinjogbin recently finished his Post graduate degree in Environmental Management at the University of Reading. He is moving back to Nigeria to improve on sustainability. He has a passion for entrepreneurship and currently runs an upcoming clothing line called Colours I like. Niyi owns a blog called thoughtsfrommysillycreativemind.blogspot.com.

68 Comments

  1. nene

    December 7, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    lmao ” Are you an orphan?”. i love this article. can we also have articles about dating a stranger, how to know if a man/woman really likes you, how to spot a player, etc

    • Mimi

      December 7, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Go check out Toke’s moment on YouTube.

  2. lewa

    December 7, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    very nice bobo. some girls should learn not to depend on their boyfriends for everything

    • Paypay

      December 7, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      Buh seriously, more men are depending on women these days. Check it out na.

    • becks

      December 9, 2014 at 9:16 pm

      mehn!!! this is soo true. i know a handful of them…

  3. CurvesAndEdges

    December 7, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    The ‘Bey behavior’ part though. Please when did Beyonce disrespect JayZ or any other man publicly??? That’s exactly where the problem is… men like the author assume that because a woman is very successful, she most automatically be arrogant. If you didn’t feel that way, why does Beyonce’s name come up?
    *Yes, I love the woman and she has done nothing to you, bro*

    • Mimi

      December 7, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      I think he made the bey reference to show girls to act like her (not in a bad or malicious way). Bey never brags about her success she’s really humble, and she buys jayz gifts as well. I think that’s what he meant in reference to bey behavior. I could be wrong.

    • Paypay

      December 7, 2014 at 8:24 pm

      Bey respects him because he is as well rich and famous. Don’t expect a woman who takes up some of a man’s bills, takes care of herself to be all respectful. Even if she is not arrogant, it will look like she is. A man’s respect comes from taking up responsibilities, if he is not doing that naturally the universe will be against him and he will termed dat “disrespectful” Many men who suffer from disrespect, ain’t meeting up to responsibilities. Though some women have long throat sha, want what the man can’t afford. Anyway dis subject is broad and no opinion is conclusive.

    • anonyme

      December 8, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      u’ve misinterpreted the msg or the context of the msg

  4. up nepa!

    December 7, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    So true, but the funny thing is guys meet girls who do all the good stuff but the braperuv hair is not touching her behind so he goes after the orphan with bleached skin and long braperuv. Guess we all ain’t attractive at first glance, but we grow more attractive to each other has time goes by.

    • Paypay

      December 7, 2014 at 8:31 pm

      Interestingly, those who want u to be natural are d ones who will turn around and look at d other lady admiring her hot and shot dress, with flowing Brazilian hair. Looks like some men don’t even know what they want. If u ask them they will say they want a lady that is classy, natural, sophisticated and simple. Pls help me explain what that means. Lol

    • amaa

      December 8, 2014 at 11:34 am

      There is no way I have read in any holy book that marriage is a criteria to going to Haven. The pressure is more in Africa where women aren’t considered successful without a Mrs attached to them.

    • adea

      December 8, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      I think wt he was trying to say was that in as much i want you to be natural, he still wants you to look hot certain times so that his guys and other males eyes will pop out just staring at you and he can stand back and feel like real G!

  5. Mo

    December 7, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Hahahahahahaha
    Very true,

  6. Naijapikin

    December 7, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    You can be natural (makeup free, no weave) and be presentable.

    Who cares what you think men like. Are women auditioning for roles……..I know this is supposed to be humor but articles like this rub me the wrong way. Still promoting the man as the prize.

    Abeg women do what makes you happy. When you are comfortable, happy and confident, you’ll attract the kind of man that is deserving of your awesomeness.

    • Nma Nazzy

      December 7, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      I agree with you. Modesty is the key word here. Provided everything gravitates around it, you’re good to go and they’ll be someone who will agree with you.
      P.S- The guy made some really good points tho. Some of us need to chill if not for anything, for our own sakes.
      negrifille.blogspot.com

    • Paypay

      December 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      Thank you my dear. If a man is not interested, no matter what u do, no Brazilian hair o, decent dress o, no make up o, it will still not get a pass mark.. So just be urself, the ONE will love you, the real you. Don’t be something else for someone when the right one is looking for you just the way u are. Bye for now.

    • Charlotte

      December 8, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      And u’ll stay single for a long time #justsaying

    • Fre

      December 9, 2014 at 10:16 am

      And dude went ahead to say “why do you think you are still single at 35”. And he’s supposed to be literate.

  7. Gbam

    December 7, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    What about the whiny babies, the gluttons, the rude nd the loose girls? Personally, I don’t think men would like any of those too

  8. sunshine

    December 7, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    And this, my people is the problem with the men in our society right here; the search for a mutant instead of a human being as a partner. Be natural bit don’t be too natural, be packaged but not too packaged, have money but not too much money, make me feel like a provider but don’t be too clingy. #confusedlot

    • Sandi

      December 7, 2014 at 4:11 pm

      In fact I want to love this a gazillion times
      No be only mutant dem go find

    • Mimi

      December 7, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      Haha free the guy, that’s his personal choice. All the things he described in this article as what HE doesn’t like, some other guys might like it. After all, someone is dating these girls oneway or another. One mans poison is another’s

    • tunmi

      December 7, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      Thank you. Which kin nonsense be this, even robot get maximum capacity. Le boo met me in sweatpants and rarely do I wear makeup. Abeg people, do what makes you happy and be yourself.

  9. cleo

    December 7, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Me thinks there is no hard and fast rule about dating. Some guy don’t feel like they are the man in the relationship unless they take care of her every need. Others Believe a woman should spend her own money. For some guys if you don’t look like a doll with all the artificial dress ups it doesn’t work for them. As for the deeper life sisters, deeper life brothers are waiting. I would say just know what you like and go after what works for you

    • roastcornandube

      December 7, 2014 at 4:31 pm

      That’s the end of the matter…’go after what works for you’.
      You can be all the above-mentioned and more and nobody will ‘date’ you. Please don’t die trying to ‘catch’ or ‘please’ any human being. In the long run, it doesn’t work.
      You only live once.

  10. Reverse

    December 7, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Feminist behaviour? What has feminism got to do with this your essay? It’s getting quite irritating that everyone keeps shouting feminist without knowing the meaning…. educate yourself biko!

  11. Wale

    December 7, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Very soon, women will not need men and men will to some extent need women and all these silliness will stop. Just live your life as you see fit, there is someone for everyone. Be Happy!

  12. Amazeballs!!!!!!

    December 7, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    And I believe there are many women/men that just love singleness as they feel more fulfilled that way. Please do you…….and be happy!!!!!….Living for someone else is just simply bondage!!!!

  13. kemi

    December 7, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    The article was very hilarious.

  14. LILO

    December 7, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Until you meet your true flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone who will see your imperfections as perfection, dating will never make sense. Everyone will just seem wrong

  15. Bide

    December 7, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Please i need help guys.. How can i politely tell my mom to stop bleaching without hurting her feelings

    • Anony

      December 7, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      It can’t come from u. Her older relatives, doctor, or pastor but not u. I made a joke abt my mom’s make up one day. She cried till I knelt to apologize

    • encore

      December 7, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      you need to be factual with your mum. Tell her how beautiful she is with her natural complexion and how much you love her. Then tell her about all the downside of bleaching ( do your research). God bless you.

    • o

      December 7, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      @ Anony: why can’t see tell her mum? Who better tell her mum if not her? Family should always be truthful with one another.

      @ Bide: so long time ago while I was in Unilag, I went home for the weekend and saw all sorts of bleaching creams and soap (dem tura n co). My mum had friends that were bleaching and one of them had given her the soaps. When I saw them, I laughed and told her that if she ever bleached and got burnt, I would be so embarrassed that to see her off if she came to visit me in school would be a big problem as I won’t want my friends seeing my mum was a burnt bleacher, and that was the end of it. She never went near them….. You don’t have to say it like this exactly but just tell her in love and she will know it’s coming from a good place. All the best!

    • bim

      December 8, 2014 at 8:16 am

      Maybe just remind her she looks beautiful as she is, if your mom is as vain as mine tell her how someone else said she was beautiful too its hard at old age to unlearn negative habits so be patient and don’t talk down to her

  16. Steph

    December 7, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    I feel every man or woman is unique…..we should all just choose the one that fits us…after all there are a lot of fishes in the sea….d good,bad,ugly,decent/indecent…..just take your pick

  17. Anu

    December 7, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    This really cracked me up. You’ve got very important points though. So many young ladies leave much to be desired yet them dey find Mr Perfect. Ladies!!! Turn to your neighbour and say ” Change your ways today!”. Guys you too try to arrange yourselves especially those of you who wear the same boxer shorts for 1 week and be looking for a neat bae, That, my friend, is sitting on a veritable keg of gun powder.

  18. josh

    December 7, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    so much truth was said in the article….although it doesnt apply to all women…bcos some women r DIFFERENT…so all those who r sayinq “do what makes u happy”…accept d truth nd learn from it…not all men r fools.

  19. jade

    December 7, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    havent u seen when a guy tells u what he likes and you fit exactly into that bracket but supprissingly he marries or svn date out of d bracket.i bliv in being myself shaken

  20. Tosin

    December 7, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Put all these things on your wish list. Shebi you came to this life to enjoy 😀 – chic who looks hot even without makeup, wears your preapproved skirt and blouse, what again, I forgot the rest, oh yes, takes you out to dinner on occasion, has big money but no excessive pride, then coordinates househelps but of course knows how to cook and clean. Presumably she would still born pikin on top of all this.
    In your mind.
    Nothing against men as a group, but what’s the purpose really? You’re not buying. You’re not cleaning. You’re not arm candy. If it was you, would you go through all the stress? Is it not a little bit entitled (and fortunate) for y’all? 😉

  21. nira

    December 7, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    I personally believe in “just do you, be you and do whatever works for you”. When you meet your God ordained spouse, all these points raised by the writer would not even matter!!!. I have seen men that like ladies with a lot of make up on, even go to the extent of buying make up and brazilian hair for their women, I have seen men who like it all natural. We all have our individual tastes and choices as per what will want in the opposite sex. That being said, me oo, I can never and I repeat NEVER spend money on any guy again, when we get married yes and that will depend on his character towards giving too. When a guy sees me, he will know that I am not the hungry at all, I ve got my own little thing going, I wont ask you, but that doesnt mean you should not know what is expected of you, he doesnt have to be filthy rich, anything given according to his pocket will be well appreciated. But spend my money on a guy again,NEVER..been there, done that and if I start my story here, the qhole comment section no go contain am. Never judge people when you have no idea of what they have been through!!!

  22. chinco

    December 7, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    I was enjoying the article until I read,’ know how to cook and clean’ but then he did say he wasn’t making sense at the end. Everyone should know how to cook and clean up after themselves

  23. Carla

    December 7, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    Truely I’m tired of men telling us wht they want see this one with his own perception we like make up but not too much, in this era of side chicks. Girls at the end of the day theres no formula a guy likes what he likes and if we r blessed with honest no side chicks guys Thannk God but it’s high time we stop subscribing to their notion of beauty and character at the end of the day theres someone for everyone

  24. Bide

    December 7, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    Thank You- Anony, o, and encore.

  25. temitops

    December 7, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    My dh once told me dat he doesn’t want me wearing skimpy tinz, by skimpy he meant I must neva wear any tin above my knees, guys I almost fell 4 it o, not until I caught him several times staring @ such chics even while I was seated beside him in trafik. Guess wat I gave made brain n went back to status quo Lol. Guys always want to eat their cake n have it

  26. www.thelmathinks.com

    December 7, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    “Women, tone down that feminist behaviour and get yourself a boyfriend today. FYI, I’m a big feminist though.”. You’re a feminist? There must be a blurred line between satire and irony.

  27. Hian

    December 7, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    No offense to the writer but men are just confused. They absolutely do not know what they want, Some of our men are so scared of a successful woman, they do so much to beat her down so she has no self worth. Don’t do this o, you will not find a man, don’t own that o. Ladies, as y’all can see, unless the good Lord shines His mercy on you, most are marrying very irresponsible men. If you do not strive for the best and be your own person, he will just marry you, keep you in the house and be playing with small small chics outside. Be you, achieve what you can, do not let ANY man disrespect you and the one meant for you will fall in place.

  28. Wifey

    December 8, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Yet another article giving advice on how women can be more desirable to men/how to catch a man

    Can we please leave women alone to be women. Stop telling us how to eat, dress, clean, make love, etc all in the name of catching a guy. This is really getting old.

  29. josh

    December 8, 2014 at 12:58 am

    its…’have their cake and eat it’.

  30. Ponmo has no rival

    December 8, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Loved this article from the beginning till the end
    Personally I have stopped being nice to girls,until she proves to me otherwise that she is an angel and not a bedbug or tick…..cos many of dem all dem sabi na ,gimme,gimme, gimme, take me to, take me to, buy me,buy me…RUBBISH! I dropped you at your house the first time, second time, the third time you come suggest say make I dey come carry you, come dey drop you since its on my way home. RUBBISH!..and I no be boyfriend o!..
    Then the fake bum bum, bodyline, bodymagic and all that other crap, has just pissed me off, now whenever i see bumbum..solid bumbum O!, I go dey question whether the bracket and package is real,make-believe or special effects.. RUBBISH! ..last last, I go find another Blessing Okagbare, at least I know say na feminine muscle i go dey battle with.
    All the ratchet babes, make una go for counselling, no road here O!
    Finally, as far as light-skinned girls are concerned, your lightness is suspect until proven other wise, that’s why I love my chocolate complexioned ladies.

  31. Oluwabusola Adedire

    December 8, 2014 at 3:11 am

    To every man, wife material is relative.. The good, the bad, the ugly… they all get taken.. The issue is not about being the chosen one.. but rather, the quality of who you chose you.

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      December 8, 2014 at 3:16 am

      *the quality of who chose you*

  32. sika

    December 8, 2014 at 3:24 am

    This right here is what is wrong with nigerian men today.
    Bruv, i dont care what you men want..who the hell cares about your list? i am the prize to be won and i wont become what i am not to please a confused and clueless man. All this talk about knowing how to cook and clean is so disgusting..pls marry a maid. i blame the mothers bringing up such annoying entitled men. going over and beyond for a naija guy means nothing..the dude will still find a reason to be what they always are..bullshit givers! what even ticks me off is a lot of them have little or nothing to offer. They are all over instagram and twitter advising women on what they want and how a woman should be. societal and male expectations can kiss my round behind. Nonsense!!!

  33. The Realist

    December 8, 2014 at 6:05 am

    Ok so

    She should use makeup but slightly or none even.
    She should not expect you to spoil her from time to time but she should definitely spoil you.
    She should wear skirt and blouse but you can dress however you like.
    She should know how to cook even if she does not cook as she will be the one feeding you as your two left hands are paralysed and you a grown ass man can’t cook for yourself right?
    She should have a job and pull in the same amount of hours or probably more than you do at your job & contribute equally to the household finances.
    BUT Still come home and do all the above requirements while YOU come home and DO WHAT?
    What exactly are your responsibilities in the relationship /marriage as a MAN if a woman has to do all this by herself?
    Smh.
    Women of the 21st century have it tough! Expected to Juggle 10 or more different roles whilst Men do what?
    There is a reason why God in his wisdom made you men the “Head & Leader” of a home and it is NOT to dump all your responsibilities on your wives and still expect to be respected the same way.
    I always pondered on this ; If men were expected to PROVIDE, COOK, SERVE, BIRTH AND NURTURE KIDS AND SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF THEIR WIVES, WOULD THEY BE ABLE TO RESPECT AND LOVE THE WAY WOMEN DO DESPITE ALL THIS OR WOULD THEY GROW RESENTFUL?
    Answer honestly and then put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
    Relationships/Marriage is a partnership that requires both parties to pull their weight in whatever responsibilities they are assigned.
    Nigerian men get over yourselves!
    Na only women Waka Come?

  34. Tim

    December 8, 2014 at 6:19 am

    Funny article, I agree with the “know how to cook part” infact for both guys and ladies. it doesn’t guarantee a “happily ever after” buh it is an important element of home keeping. That being said, ladies pls be urself, and be what make u happy.

  35. nikky

    December 8, 2014 at 9:51 am

    Dont mind them, after been super woman, they still want you to show them respect. All them slave in the house boohockey worked when our mums were housewives. You want me to treat u like a king, u better let me be a housewife, buy me all I want, then u can come home at night and be waited upon. Ahn ahn..after all these lagos hustling, I won’t come n rest again in my house?? men, na only una waka come????

  36. Sakeenah

    December 8, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    me love… well said,

  37. Grown Woman

    December 8, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    If you want to be sad for the rest of your life, just go ahead and please a MAN(not all some) that will be the end you.No matter what you do, when a man is tired of you, will find even the slighest fault and end the rship…so for how many men will you want to change and abide all these rules for?Please if you can’t appreciate a good man or woman, let them go and find their perfect match. 🙂

    • Idomagirl

      December 8, 2014 at 8:23 pm

      My sister. Any woman with sense knows this. You can’t please men and half the time they don’t even know what they want. They don’t want a broke girl who constantly asks for money, they also don’t want the one who has her own money and doesn’t ask them for anything. Confusion.

  38. leigh

    December 8, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    haahahahaha,great article,well said man!!

  39. Idomagirl

    December 8, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    You people (particularly this writer) still think that there’s a ‘one size fits all’ approach to relationships. LOL.

  40. Metrogypsie

    December 9, 2014 at 8:08 am

    “In some cases though, men are intimidated by successful women, and it might be because of the male ego… they are just scared.”

    What does one do about this?

  41. Fre

    December 9, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Such distasteful writing. He might be trying to make some obvious points, but eeek.
    Almost childish

  42. chi-e-z

    December 10, 2014 at 1:20 am

    And here I was thinking it was because he had bad taste. But he just hated my natural hair-to-toe beauty, very opinionated personality, and quirky sense of humor….ooh wait… I was right he definitely has bad taste… 🙂

  43. Sheila

    December 11, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Word

  44. chayi

    December 12, 2014 at 9:14 am

    lmao! very very interesting. I love every bit of d gist. Hmm! Nice one.

  45. titilayo

    December 14, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    The society is to be blamed for all this!

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