Adefunke Ogunnusi: She Said – Why We Will Not Date You

You know nothing about packaging.
Yes, we know that the difference between Ikpekere and plantain chips is packaging. Ehn thank you very much atigbo (we have heard). We like it like that, and we still buy the 50 Naira plantain chips instead of the 10 Naira Ikpekere that Iya Risika fries in her back yard. If I hear you say you are a diamond in the rough ehn . Trim your beard, get a haircut, brush your teeth, and wear clothes that fit for crying out loud. If you don’t have a fashion sense, a white shirt and black suit has never sent anyone to jail.

It is very annoying when “not so fine boys” say things like it is not about tall, dark and handsome. Nobody asked you to be tall, dark and handsome, after all you are a combination of genes. “Ha, sit down there let pant be wearing you. Let all the fine guys be collecting all the babes”.

Summary: Looking good is not about wearing designer labels. It is about looking put – together. It is true that you may be a diamond in the rough but then do the basics and stop cheating yourself.

All you know is packaging
Bros Queen’s English is not a currency. If you like speak English until fire is coming out of your mouth na you sabi. Don’t sit down and turn all this fancy ideas into real life activity sogbo (Have you heard?). Look, people are making money or making plans to make money. Surulere is ok for a certain number of years but John will go to school o – a good private school for that matter and the principal will not listen to English.

Summary: Some guys just know how to talk about the future. My dear the future starts from today. You are looking for a job and yet you cannot apply for a job. You cannot talk to your uncle who might be able to help because you don’t want him to look at you anyhow. You want to live in Lekki but the first Friday after you get you salary you go club touring and spend all your salary on booze.

Your Reputation
I don’t know about other babes’ o but this one means a lot to me. You want me to marry you and the first thing that comes to people minds is ritualist, thief, womanizer, cultist…
All the money in the world cannot buy a good name. Some people have gotten unprecedented favours for the good names that they bear. Please, I take God beg you don’t spoil your name and come and force me to bear it.

You are mannerless and irresponsible
You are rich ehn ehn and so what? Will you be the first person to have money? How much is this money sef? When you go out you cannot even tell the waiter ‘thank you’. You drive like a lunatic on the road.
At home nobody can talk to you. You speak to your parents anyhow. When did you become age mates with them? You are so irresponsible you don’t take care of your parents.
So because you have moved out of the house you can’t take out one Saturday in two months to make sure the generator is working and there is food for your parents to eat abi?

Even if your parents have all the money in the world it is your responsibility to at least check up on them. Nawa o.
Note on manners – You see a fine girl and all of a sudden your eyes are just moving around and you can’t even remember the last thing we said. All of a sudden you are checking your mirrors to see whether there is an okada driving beside you. Are you for real? In fact no further comment on this one.
Summary: Character trumps appearance any day.

Eating Habits
Do you really have to have the heaviest meal on your plate? Let’s even say that you are even eating indoors ‘ ok do you have to eat with all your 10 fingers? (remain small na to use 10 toes join am)
Asides from the very irritating amount of food some guys eat, the most annoying is the aggressive manner in which they dig into the food. Will you die if you ate a little slower and made no noise while at it? After you are done eating, does your plate have to look like a Tsunami happened?
Plus, you can learn how to use a fork and knife on the internet. Did you know that?

You think I carry church on my head
Can you stop pretending like you are spiritual? Why do you want to pretend to be some else to get my attention? There are so many women out there that like you the way you are. Please can you go to them with immediate alacrity?
I asked a certain gentleman who his favourite character in the Bible and he said Moses. I nearly fell off my feet. Moses that did not lead the children of Israel into the promise land. Are you a joker? The truth is Moses can be your favourite character in the Bible , but as I got to read my Bible a bit more I started to ask God to provide an Aaron for my short comings. When you say ‘Moses’ and I ask why and you say ‘I just like him’…ehn ehn ehn.

The bottom line is that no one is perfect but if you act, dress, talk like you will not choose yourself, please tell me why I should choose you. You may not be the cutest or the tallest or the finest, but at least have a personality and let me be able to look over my shoulder and say to myself – You go girl, you got a fine man not a fine boy.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely