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Adefunke Ogunnusi: She Said – Why We Will Not Date You

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You know nothing about packaging.
Yes, we know that the difference between Ikpekere and plantain chips is packaging. Ehn thank you very much atigbo (we have heard). We like it like that, and we still buy the 50 Naira plantain chips instead of the 10 Naira Ikpekere that Iya Risika fries in her back yard. If I hear you say you are a diamond in the rough ehn . Trim your beard, get a haircut, brush your teeth, and wear clothes that fit for crying out loud. If you don’t have a fashion sense, a white shirt and black suit has never sent anyone to jail.

It is very annoying when “not so fine boys” say things like it is not about tall, dark and handsome. Nobody asked you to be tall, dark and handsome, after all you are a combination of genes. “Ha, sit down there let pant be wearing you. Let all the fine guys be collecting all the babes”.

Summary: Looking good is not about wearing designer labels. It is about looking put – together. It is true that you may be a diamond in the rough but then do the basics and stop cheating yourself.

All you know is packaging
Bros Queen’s English is not a currency. If you like speak English until fire is coming out of your mouth na you sabi. Don’t sit down and turn all this fancy ideas into real life activity sogbo (Have you heard?). Look, people are making money or making plans to make money. Surulere is ok for a certain number of years but John will go to school o – a good private school for that matter and the principal will not listen to English.

Summary: Some guys just know how to talk about the future. My dear the future starts from today. You are looking for a job and yet you cannot apply for a job. You cannot talk to your uncle who might be able to help because you don’t want him to look at you anyhow. You want to live in Lekki but the first Friday after you get you salary you go club touring and spend all your salary on booze.

Your Reputation
I don’t know about other babes’ o but this one means a lot to me. You want me to marry you and the first thing that comes to people minds is ritualist, thief, womanizer, cultist…
All the money in the world cannot buy a good name. Some people have gotten unprecedented favours for the good names that they bear. Please, I take God beg you don’t spoil your name and come and force me to bear it.

You are mannerless and irresponsible
You are rich ehn ehn and so what? Will you be the first person to have money? How much is this money sef? When you go out you cannot even tell the waiter ‘thank you’. You drive like a lunatic on the road.
At home nobody can talk to you. You speak to your parents anyhow. When did you become age mates with them? You are so irresponsible you don’t take care of your parents.
So because you have moved out of the house you can’t take out one Saturday in two months to make sure the generator is working and there is food for your parents to eat abi?

Even if your parents have all the money in the world it is your responsibility to at least check up on them. Nawa o.
Note on manners – You see a fine girl and all of a sudden your eyes are just moving around and you can’t even remember the last thing we said. All of a sudden you are checking your mirrors to see whether there is an okada driving beside you. Are you for real? In fact no further comment on this one.
Summary: Character trumps appearance any day.

Eating Habits
Do you really have to have the heaviest meal on your plate? Let’s even say that you are even eating indoors ‘ ok do you have to eat with all your 10 fingers? (remain small na to use 10 toes join am)
Asides from the very irritating amount of food some guys eat, the most annoying is the aggressive manner in which they dig into the food. Will you die if you ate a little slower and made no noise while at it? After you are done eating, does your plate have to look like a Tsunami happened?
Plus, you can learn how to use a fork and knife on the internet. Did you know that?

You think I carry church on my head
Can you stop pretending like you are spiritual? Why do you want to pretend to be some else to get my attention? There are so many women out there that like you the way you are. Please can you go to them with immediate alacrity?
I asked a certain gentleman who his favourite character in the Bible and he said Moses. I nearly fell off my feet. Moses that did not lead the children of Israel into the promise land. Are you a joker? The truth is Moses can be your favourite character in the Bible , but as I got to read my Bible a bit more I started to ask God to provide an Aaron for my short comings. When you say ‘Moses’ and I ask why and you say ‘I just like him’…ehn ehn ehn.

The bottom line is that no one is perfect but if you act, dress, talk like you will not choose yourself, please tell me why I should choose you. You may not be the cutest or the tallest or the finest, but at least have a personality and let me be able to look over my shoulder and say to myself – You go girl, you got a fine man not a fine boy.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely

Adefunke Ogunnusi currently works in financial services as an Operational Risk Management Analyst. She discovered her love for writing in 2013 and has used writing as her private place. She is currently a member of Toastmasters international where she is being groomed on Public speaking. Defunke blogs at [email protected]

26 Comments

  1. like

    December 7, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Thank you

    “Some guys just know how to talk about the future. My dear the future starts from today. You are looking for a job and yet you cannot apply for a job. You cannot talk to your uncle who might be able to help because you don’t want him to look at you anyhow” did you apply to so so and so -they say no because Nigeria of nowadays you must no someone. I keep preaching – I had two offers when i joined where i presently work and i knew nobody there. If you dont apply and study for aptitude test and understanding interviewing process you wouldn’t get the job. The next thing i was told is because I schooled abroad

    I still told my sister today, i am not looking for Lekki husband – i am not a cow to be milked neither am i a meal ticket. Get your money, package yourself, have a good relationship with your siblings and be a good person

  2. Confuzzled

    December 7, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    What’s going on here?

  3. EllesarisEllendil

    December 7, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    “Ha, sit down there let pant be wearing you. Let all the fine guys be collecting all the babes”. I can now womanise with a clear conscience. Have to ask does she have any friends with her attitude, can’t have a big appetite, must use fork and knife, can’t even like Moses. Haba Nah!!!. Not everytime complain and try to change a guy, occasionally adapt and find a middle ground. PS Maybe the speed guys eat with comes from Secondary school boarder days, eat slowly and starve.

  4. winifred

    December 7, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    I’m tired of these male-female debate…Jesus come quickly

    • Red

      December 7, 2014 at 2:21 pm

      Lol!

    • Colour Purple

      December 7, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      I don’t understand why someone would read what makes them unhappy or tired, please next time skip the article….dear writer, I enjoyed reading your article, however in relation to your last point, I think men that are all about religion with no spirituality are a huge turn off…going to church 24/7 without the exhibiting the fruits of the spirit is just foul. The only thing I disagree with you on is the eating habits point, as long as you shut your mouth while chewing whether you use fork, spoon, knife, hand or tea spoon to eat I don’t mind :)..,

    • Ty

      December 7, 2014 at 9:27 pm

      Jesus, please still come quickly.

    • IsThatWhyWeAreHere?

      December 8, 2014 at 10:45 am

      LMFAO!….My chest!….most epic comment.

  5. Bola

    December 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    This article was tough to read. The idea behind it is nice but the composition is terrible. I’m very lost

    • Boogie Woogie

      December 7, 2014 at 6:45 pm

      @I agree the composition was off and confusing. This article/ essay is all over the place.

  6. babygiwa

    December 7, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    I like your article, it makes sense but it isn’t wrong to like Moses! Dear writer, come on. That’s a bit shallow if you ask me. But I agree that the brother should have a reason for liking Moses though but easy na, shey na quiz competition?

  7. roastcornandube

    December 7, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Please do what works for you. Someone who accepts you will accept you, kraw-kraw and all. Live’s too short!

  8. LILO

    December 7, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    Stories that touch. This female male debates have worn me out finish.

  9. tunmi

    December 7, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    This advice works for both men and women. Actively work towards your future, have manners to everyone, and be true to yourself.

  10. Nma Nazzy

    December 7, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    Please tell them! If I’m trying to be an awesome woman, you’d better be working your ass off to be a damn fine man.
    negrifille.blogspot.com

  11. Anu

    December 7, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Nne thank you many much o!!!! All these end time men and their issues biko read this and be delivered.

  12. phemmy

    December 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    i enjoyed this until the Moses part, made no sense to me at all. Moses might not get to the promised land but called him his friend, am perplexed anyone would pick aaron over moses.

  13. Zeek

    December 7, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Whoever proof read or edited this article before publishing it should be punished 🙂

  14. JohnSpeaksE

    December 7, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    Nice piece, now I know what most ladies want

    JohnUwangue.blogspot.com

  15. me

    December 7, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    cant u write ur article without insulting the generals of God? every idle word shall be judged. there is a generation that curseth their father and bless not their mother. u should know Moses is one of the fathers, he is with God. Jude 1:9

  16. mee

    December 7, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Again like every other article it is filled with personal bias (it is subjective). Just to add though, basing someone’s spirituality based on their favourite bible character is just as shallow as the answer the guy gave. I know guys that can quote the bible for Africa but their character are in pretty bad shape (to put it lightly). Again, I doubt you will really want an Aaron that succumbs to external pressures (like making the calf idol cause the people wanted him to). Moses was a great man but like everyone of us he had his flaws, if we were in the shoes of Moses I doubt any one of us could have been able to get across the red sea talk more of getting close to the promise land. Cut Sir Moses some slack 🙂

  17. mee

    December 7, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    *characters*

  18. sister

    December 8, 2014 at 8:11 am

    lmaoooo loved it!!

  19. Ed

    December 8, 2014 at 8:11 am

    The shallowness of these male – female debates is astounding. No single man or woman can advance personal preferences as an authoritative template for his or her gender. We are all different beings

  20. Nike

    December 8, 2014 at 10:05 am

    Awesome article, and I thought I had too much standards, I don’t this right here makes too much sense,I’m need me an Aaron simply because he was a ride or die, never jumped ship regardless of the situation and God himself hand picked him for Moses cos He new he was a rider! Peace out

  21. leigh

    December 8, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Bros Queen’s English is not a currency. If you like speak English until fire is coming out of your mouth na you sabi…..this one killed me, i have never laughed like this in a while.

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