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Partyfully Yours: Top 5 Bridal Shower Group Personalities – The Ghost Mode Member



If you have ever planned or been involved in the planning of a bridal or baby shower, then you would expect that the first step to planning is forming a bridal shower/baby shower group. The group (whether on BlackBerry Messenger or on WhatsApp) is sort of a virtual round table; you basically want to invite all the bride’s friends, family, distant cousin and even just “Hello , Hi” friends… All protocols observed, to ‘sit’ and set the ball rolling as regards organizing a befitting shower.

As with all round table discussions, there’s always a Leader, the General Overseer, or more appropriate in this situation, the Ultimate Friend.

Apart from ensuring that the shower actually takes place (because many a bridal/baby shower groups are born, only a handful actually take place), the Ultimate friend has a far more tasking job, which is to manage the various personalities that will most certainly crop up within the group.

We have had clients (Bride’s best friend, friend and/or Sister) tell us tales of what they go through in their bridal shower groups. We have also formed some bridal shower groups when planning showers for our friends, so we are narrating these tales from sacks of experience. We would start with personality number 1 and we would introduce the other personalities in subsequent posts.

At Number 1, we have the Classic Ghost Mode Members.
We like to call them Ghost mode because they are invisible, silent, quiet, numb, whatever adjective that depicts an uncommunicative, almost breathless person, suits them. You would almost mistake them for the peaceful ones but oh no, do not be fooled.

Let us identify a Ghost Mode Member on BB as Sexy Damzel

So Sexy Damzel is added to the BB group of Bolanle’s bridal shower, she accepts the invite and from day one has determined in her mind to be silent!

We will create an epic chat scenario for the Ghost mode members so you can get a clearer picture of their nature.

So here we go:
Tola (Ultimate friend): Hello People! Thank you for joining the group for Bolanle’s bridal shower and thanks for your cooperation so far. I am sure she will do the same for all of us.

Member 2: You are welcome!

Member 3: No problem.

Member 4: LOL!

Sexy Damzel : Silence…. No response.

Tola (Ultimate friend): Please girls, we have concluded on all the plans, it will cost us NGN 8,000 each. Please let us try and pay up. Thank you.

Member 2: 8000 Naira for what please?

Member 3: Have we fixed a date?

Member 4: Ok please send your account details.

Sexy Damzel : Silence…. No response


Tola (Ultimate friend): Hello guys, thank you to everyone that has paid, I am still expecting payment from 3 people please. Kisses!

Member 8: Tola am so sorry, I would make payment ASAP.

Sexy Damzel : Silence … No response………….

(*meanwhile, Sexy Damzel changed display picture*)


Tola (Ultimate friend): Hello Ladies! The Shower is finally here!! … See you all soon!

Member 3: Yayyyyy!

Member 5: Who is bringing her oh?

Member 12: Sorry guys, I’ll be coming a bit late!

Sexy Damzel : …. (Yup! You guessed right! NO RESPONSE!)

And till the day of the shower, still silence, no response, no payment, and no show. But you see her updating her status every second!

To the Ghost Mode Members, why do you do this please? Why join bridal shower groups just to keep numb?

If you have ever put together a shower for a loved one, you must have come across these type of people. How annoying can it be? How do you deal with them?

Please share your thoughts and experiences with us especially if you have been an Ultimate Friend.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Tatyana Vychegzhanina 

Partyfully_Yours is a Nigerian based party supplies , small scale event decor & planning company, established by two friends with a shared vision for party success, with emphasis on bridal and baby showers.  Partyfully-Yours aesthetics is grounded on our love for fun, pretty and swoon-worthy showers and other shenanigans. Website: Instagram : @partyfully_yours


  1. Jo!

    December 17, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Oh please, you needed an entire article for this?

    Next time, just chat with her one-on-one, very few people ever actually ignore a direct chat, if she does ignore, then you delete from your bbm, from the group and block her ass away

    Seriously, you needed an entire article on BN to make this point??? I’m just baffled

    • Fashionista

      December 17, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Relax, it was actually interesting to read. why belittle her?

    • ChelizRuby.

      December 17, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Calm down naa my dear. Sometimes we need to hammer on a point to make a change in the world, Lol. . I am sure this touched some one, maybe they will change. Its not by force to join a group.

    • karonwi

      December 17, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      why so evil! You could have avoided reading throught the post and commenting…smh
      Submit an article and let’s see what you’ll have to say

    • ebere

      December 19, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      exactly I would have deleted her tey tey

    • Buyer seller place

      December 24, 2014 at 6:08 pm

      The Ghost mode member is an annoying person. Shouldn’t have joined the group in the first place if she knew she was goin to be mute the whole time

  2. Tosin

    December 17, 2014 at 10:51 am

    I personally feel its a rude attitude & to make it more shocking,the ghost mode member turns up on the party day to eat lmao,what nonsense.From experience i just say kindly opt out if you wont be a part of this group from the beginning,shikena!!!!

    • nira

      December 17, 2014 at 10:38 pm

      Abeg what is rude about it? Ok this is happened to me recently, I happened to also be a ghost member in a group chat organised for planning a cousin. Her friend added me to the group chat, and after so much discussions which I wasnt a part of obviously, they concluded on 15k each, the venue was lekki( I stay at ogba), and I kept wondering if they could not have found anywhere on the mainland rather than drive from ogba to lekki on saturday when I could have resting giving the stress of my job. Apart from that, I bought two aso ebi for this same wedding, 19k and 22k, gave it to the tailor to make who also charged me a lot of money, so make I come cough out 15k again for bridal shower, not to talk of the fuel I would buy giving the traffic situation in lagos on saturdays…you guys should chill abeg..later, y’all say girls re broke by spending money on aso ebi and weddings…na things like this dey cause am…I rest my case.!!!

    • MiddyO

      December 18, 2014 at 8:59 pm

      You would have simply said you were not available, so they could plan accordingly. Such silence can be very annoying.

    • heyhey

      January 22, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      God… just listen to yourself. you havent stated where anyone forced you to be a part of the event o. it is never by force. keeping quiet and being angry doesnt solve your problem. all u need to do is tell your cousin u cant afford it. also im sure if u had mentioned the venue was too far for u when they were planning the event they would have considered another venue.

      My sister used to be the ghost mode girl until she had to plan my cousins bridal shower. then she realized it was quite annoying having to deal with ghost mode girls most especially the ones who will not pay a dime or on the day of the even mysteriously forget what they said they will bring. i remember one bridal group whereby i kept telling her to contribute/ say something when the group leader asks for opinions on a bridesmaids dress or something say something. she refused saying she has nothing to say or that she doesnt want anyone to say shes too forward… let the group leader plan it herself. all my sister would do is pay up when its time to pay up and/say the stuff shes contributing for the event. when it was her turn to plan and she kept asking for peoples opinions on stuff u can bet i laughed the hell out of her when no one answered her. and she planned it by herself angry and all but i was glad God payed her in her own coin. best way to teach someone cause now she contributes and gives her opinion on stuff when asked

  3. Nife

    December 17, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Hi BN, this is very very very true, ur scenario = 100% perfect. I just organized a bridal shower for my best friend 2weeks ago, with our other friends and we had a ‘sexy damsel’. It’s sooooooo soooo annoying. Now I can sit back and laugh but @ that moment I felt like slapping her. I think I eventually gave her a piece of my mind, then I deleted her contact, cos she was supposed to be a close friend to the bride.

  4. stephanie

    December 17, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Looooooool! Hilarious. …… Omo na so naija Babes be. ..

  5. mee

    December 17, 2014 at 11:01 am

    It just for bridal shower alone? You have them on almost evry platform, send them broadcast message, even if you aren’t d anoying frequent broadcast sender, ask a question,even if your pm reads near death experience,whatever that should squeeze a response from a contact who’s ur supposed friend or aquaintance, whooosai! They wud read ur broadcast first, check ur pm,dp gbogbotigbo n be silence! Den d one dat annoys me most are d ev ones, these ones would wait till u make a mistake in writting ur pm,or u put a not so fine or whatever dp, and they’d rush to say ,”check ur spelling,correct urself,abeg whose dis ugly person on ur dp? Ow,is dat Mary from our class? Is she married now? Nonsense n ingridient! D worst t is when u try to make them see dia ways, they wud say, “ah u are too harsh joor,learnt to be tolerant! Heheheheh wahala world people!

    • Cancel Reply

      December 17, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      I think I developed crossed eyes trying to read this comment.

  6. derhmy

    December 17, 2014 at 11:22 am

    lol! the silent sexy damsels are also on BN! they read everything but never make any comments hehehhe

  7. Fashionista

    December 17, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Well, having been involved in/helped plan a handful of bridal and baby showers, I have firmly resolved to be a ghost mode member henceforth for all future showers. In the spirit of being “involved”, offering ideas, speaking up when the amount seems exorbitant, chipping in when two are at each others throats etc, I have lost friends, been spoken to extremely rudely and been insulted. Mba, no more! The only difference between me and the ghost mode member in the article is that: I will pay the stipulated amount, arrive in the agreed attire, basically do all that is required as is discussed in the chat. But if any group member is waiting for me to be adding mouth back and forth, that ship has sailed!

    A close friend is getting married early next year and im so happy her two sisters and cousin are her bridesmaids, so anything they want to do for her, they should, im game. All I need to know is how much, where, when and what to wear, shikena! I don’t even need to be on any group self. Weddings in general just bring too much drama and frankly, ive had enough.

    • ChiomaJisos

      December 18, 2014 at 2:02 am

      I personally loved this comment more than once.

  8. Que

    December 17, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    I must first say I am not a big shower anything planner, of all d showers I’ve contributed to, I have only joined one group…I cant be bothered to join any group. Just give me d figure I am to contribute… I am very near sexy damsel except that I pay my share regardless of how much of a nuisance I consider the entire charade to be!

    I have a standard budget of 5k contributions to showers…. that figure only changes if I have a personal responsibility towards the bride…aka she’s my go to personal person, den I can carry the matter for head and offer to handle some things to ease d burden. I cant be responsible for friends trying to compete with BN Bridal showers!.

    What I absolutely hate in all these groups is what the writer described here……
    ‘Please girls, we have concluded on all the plans, it will cost us NGN 8,000 each. Please let us try and pay up. Thank you…..’

    If you have concluded all d plans without guaging what the group can afford and you come and give me an amount, I usually just go ahead and pay what I want without guaging your feelings about it. Na your papa put money for my pocket? This happened very recently and I told d ‘ultimate friend’ upfront that I found it funny that d only communication to me or d group started with what they had already concluded..and reminded her that I had responsibilities, so their plans will have to hold on as far as my contribution… of course my mind was made up on d amount I would pay, and I did….#NoRegrets!

    Conversely, I have friends put in d same scenario, who did the whole chatting thing and then behind d scene come to me and MOANNNNNNN about the same grievances I had…. as far as d group was concerned, they were happy campers, going along….however they were very bitter participants…. wetin concern me, I dey sip my tea, dey laugh as dem they grieve…

    Bridal shower isnt important enough for me to be having sleepless nights biko! I’d rather maintain my lane and sanity than be moaning over something I can control!

    • Daizzy

      December 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      My dear that makes two of us oh! I can’t be bothered with friends trying to compete with BN bridal showers too. Just recently I was asked to contribute 15k to a bridal shower. I told them straight up that I didn’t have that kind of money and could only contribute half. Moreover, the bride and I are not even close friends. We just high school mates. Only for one of the main organizers another high school classmate to say, but Daizzy how can you say you don’t have 15k, after all you have a good job! Hian, see me see trouble oh? So? Na you follow me do the work? Do you do the 6am drive with me to work? I don’t have responsibilities abi? I simply told her not to worry, I gently declined to be part of anything. I’ll simply buy the bride a nice wedding gift and turn up on the wedding day.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 17, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      Off topic but somewhat close to “the mata”, I wholeheartedly detest situations where a supposed group of people are expected to make some equal financial contributions to something: however, within the supposed group, you’ll find that smaller subset has gone ahead of you all to decide what everyone else should be contributing, without any consultation. Who is the “we” that decided for “us” without checking to see what was acceptable to the pockets and financial statuses of the whole group?

      I speak from recent experience which wasn’t even related to a bridal shower. Got a text from a guy who leads a social group that I participate in from time to time and it appears that a a christmas party was being planned to mark the season. As I wasn’t planning to attend, I kindly thanked him for the invitation and made my regrets. Na im the guy respond, saying that it’s fine if I don’t understand but I should still go ahead to make my monetary contribution towards the party because “they’ve” decided that a certain group of people should foot the bill. Which was complete news to me so you can imagine my vexation, when they didn’t sit down with me to ask me what was in my account and whether this was a good time for me to be picking up expenses for “gbedu”? So you all just fixed a date and sent out invitations for a party with assumptions of where your money will be coming from? O di egwu.

      The reply I sent him was a very pointed “No, I will not be giving you money”. People need to realise that contributions are not obligatory – we give because we feel led to and no attempt at compulsion can force that giving. Na only membership fee wey you fit demand from my pocket like that, biko…

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      December 17, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      *saying it’s fine if I don’t attend” (Note to self – how “understand” come take enter the gist, na?)

    • Que

      December 17, 2014 at 4:58 pm

      I fully feel your pain. You’ve broken it down well!

  9. Naijasinglegirl

    December 17, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Oops. The bridetobe snatched sexy damsel’s boyfriend. That’s the best explanation I can give. Personally, I think I am a proud ghost member. (probably cos I am single) I don’t honour bride shower events after what happened to me here ->

  10. MC

    December 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Really!? is it ever that serious?

  11. me

    December 17, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    yes o. i can be sexy damsel when i choose to be. I’ll rather be silent than express displeasure about any aspect of the plans before i am termed bad belle. the forum is usually meant to discuss and contribute..and when there’s nothing to add, na to maintain silence.
    Personally i do not think a bridal shower is something to loose sleep over. there are more important aspects of a wedding to pay attention and contribute to.

  12. Kili

    December 17, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    Hmmn. Where do I start from?
    I think I fit the sexydiva profile a lot.
    I am an introvert naturally and I hate unnecessary and excessive chatting, so bad that I have been off bbm since 2012.
    Now to the issue at hand, a friend got married recently ( actually my fiance’s friend’s girlfriend-now wife). I call her friend cos we ve had group dates, and used to hang out a lot, also we used to go to her spouses house a lot and she was always there half the time.
    Nothing personal. I haven’t visited her personally before and she hasnt done so either ?but you know Naija way she could still be termed a “friend”.
    I got a call from The Ultimate friend about the shower less than a week to D-day, I was even made to pay double cos someone couldnt afford to pay. I paid cos I didnt want to seem like a bad person.
    Fastforward to the d-day, we were made to share 3plates of chicken wings, 2 botlles of wine or so and it turned out so boring also .I felt so USED. If real cost of planning/logistics can’t be properly communicated to everybody in whatever group there is, then it isnt worth it May I also add that people can be so rude when planning such stuff, and that’s exactly why I wouldnt say a word. I ld rather observe. Same issue with asoebi, that’s how a neighbour I hadnt talked to in years wanted me to buy asoebi. .

  13. Amaka

    December 17, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    I am the ghost member that reads, pays the required contribution and then decides if I want to show up or not…same goes for buying aso-ebi

    • Omolola

      December 17, 2014 at 11:03 pm

      I am a proud ghost member for a bride dt is not my close friend, but I do contribute d financial part and later decide if I want to attend or not.

  14. Lauryn

    December 17, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    OMG!! I’m laughing so hard because this literally just happened to me. I used these exact words. and I had these typa girls on the group. Naija girls SMH

  15. Are you serious?

    December 17, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    God will send me a bridal party of 8000 naira to participate in!
    Seriously, we need to discuss the real cost of being on a bridal train.
    An in town wedding, average cost =150k(if you attend all the parties and buy all ‘necessary’ garments)
    Destination wedding from 500k.(includes ‘in town’ trad +Visa, Ticket, Hotel, Chop money at location)

    If you don’t drop money ‘you are jealous and want to ruin your friends day’, if you do, -you might not eat, literally, for the next 6 months.

    To all brides that want to use their friends to re-create Kim Kardashian’s wedding, der is God o!

    • Fashionista

      December 18, 2014 at 9:41 am

      Loool! Tell them oh.

  16. ChiomaJisos

    December 18, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Although I can be placed in the sexy-damsel category, i’ll say nice write up and funny read. Your article has opened my eyes to how painful our (sexy damsels) actions have been to O ye Ultimate friends out there. Haha. Well, let me try to defend the sexy damsels.
    1. Thou shalt not add us to a bridal /baby shower (or any social event whatsoever) group if we are not very close to the celebrant. That secondary school classmate we haven’t talked to in over five years (even though we attended the same university and we would just see ourselves and form not knowing each other…hehe), please don’t invite me into the group for her bridal shower. Attending her wedding is yet uncertain, then next thing i’ll see group invite on my bbm. But why?

    2. Don’t come at us with a pre-arranged or pre-agreed contribution fee. When you do that we feel used. It feels like, you added us to the group to ease your fund sourcing campaign for the bridal shower. If you feel I am that important to be on the group. then i should also have a say as to how much can be paid (even though my opinion may not sail, I should at least be given the chance to air my opinion). If all you need me for is the money, go to http://www.crowdfunding,com.
    I hope with these two points of mine i’ve been able to convince and not confuse you that Sexy damsels mean no harm 😀

  17. ijebuPrincess

    December 18, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Wedding I attended recently was for a bride whom I am casual friends with. We are colleagues. so I bought aso ebi. that’s how this ultimate friend sent me group invite which I dismissed. only for her to ping me later demanding that I join the group. I joined and was totally sexy damsel. ultimate friend saw me on the wedding day and was giving attitude. She even skipped me when handing out souvenirs

    • Koffie

      December 18, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      That’s really funny. The Ultimate friend took it personal oo. This reminds me of a certain wedding of a casual friend, she called to say she sent a driver to deliver my asoebi and that her account details were bla bla bla. In my mind, I was like what if I was broke or what if I wasn’t interested in her tribe’s kind of asoebi. These people really leave you no choice

  18. Awosh

    December 19, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Only last week I played the sexy damsel oh.Hiya you didnt ping me you just invited me.I was like mute until i deleted myself,The planning was running down my battery.I love my friend but live in PH so why will I contribute for somrthing in Lagos when i have already done my bit during the traditional marriage.I wasnt feeling anybody at all.

  19. ebere

    December 19, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    reading through the comments, I noticed friends of the bride were always asked to pay some amount of money to plan for the bridal shower.well, I found that not good at all.noone is forcing anyone to have a bridal shower, if you want to have a bridal shower, it should be you paying for everything as your friends cant pay for asoebi if theres any and still contribute for your bridal shower. its not a must you do a bridal shower biko

  20. sexydamsel *lol*

    December 20, 2014 at 6:36 am

    Personally, I think bridal showers are events organised by the bride’s closest pals to give a kind of send forth from the single life. Yes, I said closest Friends buh here in Naija we have turned it into celebrity events themselves in our typical ‘trying to be Lyk oyibo’ way.

    If the initial spirit of bridal showers are adhered to, and only closest Friends of the bride plan the showers, I doubt there would be any sexy damsels. The closest Friends know how they roll and can always complain When it begins to pinch them buh add on a total not So close friend and u may have a sexy damsel on your hands.

    I have been in groups Where I knew the bride buh had No idea who the others were, it was obvious the rest were close and I was just been sidelined, they obviously just added me cos the bride must have mentioned we were friends. After So many sidelined opinions, I became a sexy damsel by force.

  21. sam

    December 22, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    I think a lot of times this happens when you dont really know the other girls in the group and or they all seem really opinionated. I would prefer to keep quiet on a group than start debating with ppl i dont really know well who I will probably have to spend an entire weekend with

  22. Didibee

    January 22, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    My question is must you do bridal shower? i don’t believe in it so do not send me invites or you get the sexy damsel attitude.

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