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Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: Friendly People Are Annoying



It was a little antique shop on a crooked road with cobbled stones. The waft of the creme brûlée fragrance caught my attention and I nudged my friend in the direction of the scent. I’m guessing my eyes had that excited glint of “If I don’t find out what’s in there , I’m gonna spend the next 2 hours complaining that you didn’t let me“. In the next minute we were inside the shop; 5 minutes later my friend was chatting excitedly with the owner. I was tired of looking at candles and little wood carvings, but interrupting the conversation that was going on around me felt like I’d be ending some deep conversation between long lost friends.

“Why on earth do you have to be so bleeping friendly?” I rolled my eyes, grit my teeth and stomped down the path. I don’t know how friendly people do it. They’re always so happy, and cheery and God I envy them so much.

“Is it my fault that you’re such a grouch?”

I think ‘grouch’ is a bit extreme, but let’s just say, it takes some people a longer time to warm up than others. You meet some people and they’re already trying to get in bed with you! No, get your filthy heads out of the gutter… I mean that in a purely non-sexual way.

Being friendly is an admirable trait. It means you’re open, and approachable. Friendly people are often mistaken for nice people, but it comes with the territory. All that openness and people are relaxed around you – enough to start telling you their problems. Friendly people also tend to go over and beyond the regular call of duty. They go out of their way to help you feel better. They’re effusive and vibrant.Atoke Cheerios

And annoying!

Okay, that’s the grouch in me showing. Honestly, I admire friendly people. You meet them on the train and they’re offering you mint, asking you what you do, and where you’re from. They jump right into the mix of things. Some of us need to take our time to study some more in order to find out if we want to start chatting effusively.

Sometimes, it’s not really about the friendliness of the person, but the place where said friendliness is taking place that is the issue. In a work environment *insert stuffy-lawyer-investment banker-type scenario*, the whole shining of teeth and excessive effusiveness is very off-putting. One particular pet-peeve of mine is the “Hello dearie” in work emails! Oh God! WHY? There’s a reason why we’re in a professional relationship and not on a boat  to Elegushi beach! We’re not close like that! Please don’t ‘dearie’ me in a work email!

But if I’m going to be perfectly honest, what does it hurt to be friendly? I mean,  you don’t know what doors will be opened if you crack a smile or tell a joke in that first instance. Being friendly has helped a lot of people get amazing opportunities that they would have lost if they were grouchy.

My sister is very friendly (yes, I know… I drew the short straw from the gene pool). Yesterday, on her way from church, she met a lady on the platform who asked her for directions. Before they parted ways, they had exchanged details of each other’s North East adventures. Last week, she came home and told me about a new friend she had made.

Turns out this lady, who I always see on my way back from my morning run, was Nigerian. My sister also sees her on her way to work. Guess who strikes up a conversation with this lady? Yup, Sister dearest! They’ve transitioned to home visits now.

As much as I secretly admire such people and their ability to speedily kick off things, I hold on to my natural proclivities to be suspicious and wary.  Please don’t judge. I spent a long time in a town where I was made to believe that talking to a stranger means being turned into a stone, or a kolanut.

I’m also not a fan of small talk. It’s very difficult for me, especially with strangers. Remember, I wrote an article about talkative hairdressers {click here if you missed it}. But, I think I’m just being silly, because strangers become friends; and friends become lovers. I look back at some of my best friends and I’m just glad they made the effort, because my life would be so bland and colourless without them.

Maybe being friendly isn’t so bad after all.  This is a lesson I’m learning myself, because my closest relationships today were the result of a slow burning process. I think the only friend I made on the spot and kicked things right off is Shakira – and even that wasn’t spontaneous. Our parents were friends for years, her mother delivered me at birth, so we just kind of kicked things off on that premise.

God! I need to work on being friendlier.

Please share some of your personal experiences with me. Are you friendly? Are you a stone-faced grouch like me? What do you think about being friendly? Or maybe just a fine balance between being a Bebeto and being cold!

It just occurred to me that with every week, I’m stripping away more layers of myself. You guys are helping me reach a certain level of self awareness and I’m so grateful to you. You guys make this column work for me and I’m very grateful.

Thank you for reading, and for your comments. It means the world to me.

Have a fantastic week ahead.

Peace, love & carrot batons!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Bryan Creely 

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore. Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website for more information.


  1. bn lover

    June 15, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    Biko i’m very friendly or so I like to think,my friends say it is annoying. But my dear,this life is short…be happy…make everybody around u happy…infact,i mean make sure everybody around u is happy. It is really not dat difficult.

  2. nammy

    June 15, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Stone-faced grouch! I try to be friendly, i rily do but it doesn’t always work out. It’s that bad that if I see someone I know and the person doesn’t see me, I’ll walk right past the person without saying hello- can’t be bothered with the how was your night nd similar greetings.
    But in all fairness to me, I am actually a friendly person, my friends always say ” so u can be this funny”. They say thier first impression of me was a proud no nonsense lady.
    Since many people share such opinion of me, I resolved to be friendlier, bur alas I never start.

    • Blessedheart

      June 15, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      Oh. This is so me. People are always surprised at how friendly and talkative I can be when they get to know me.
      Yes, friendly people can be annoying. It doesn’t help that I’m a cynic. I mistrust over-friendly people

    • ssah

      June 16, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      @nammy, i can relate wella

  3. missmaame

    June 15, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    definitely a grouch, please dont be showing all that teeth, it makes me cringe. im not mean but it just takes a while for me to loosen up.

  4. miss pee

    June 15, 2015 at 12:44 pm

    I’m a very friendly person but to an extent. But like the first commenter stated. Life is too short so I try to make anyone around me happy except you annoying attitude then the blunt and snobbish me will surface.

  5. TA

    June 15, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    hahahaha I’m guilty of ALL the annoying traits you put up right there except using ‘Hello Dearie’ in a work email. You and your sister read like my sister and I. I’m the friendly one she is the taciturn not so friendly one and something similar has happened to both of us with the fish seller in the market. Fish seller gives me better prices and even an extra or 2 because I laugh with her and gist with her and I love to tickle her chubby toddler. It doesn’t mean i’m the better one o. My reason for being friendly is different. I’m curious. extremely curious. I can be seating on that train and if I offer you mints, it could be because you look stressed or look like you’re having a hard day.

    One time i visited my older brother who lives in New York, most mornings I used to ride the elevator with this elderly woman, don’t ask me how we got talking because I can’t remember details but I know it was a compliment on her scarf and you know Americans, they just let loose and start giving you all their private gist. Which nephew is graduating from college, the cousin going for surgery etc etc Anyways, turns out this elderly lady in my brother’s apartment complex used to be a top publishing executive at Random House! Ha! Like play like play I got free tickets to the opera, like joke like joke I met John Grisham and got him to autograph my copy of his ‘the testament’ novel. My brother wan die that time. Hehehe I can go on and on about how being friendly has opened doors, windows and shattered prejudices just from being friendly. Yes, I’m talkative too so it’s effortless really.

    Of course sometimes I hit a brickwall. I could say hello and smile and be greeted with a cold stare and a polite nod or mumbled hi, I jejely turn my face away. Everyone must not smile back. It doesn’t make them bad just different.

    PS: Even here on BN, you can tell the friendly people from their comments. 🙂 A few names come to mind readily but I shall save that for my debut article ‘The online Personas of BN’. Atoke as you have refused to write the article nko?

    Have a pleasant week you all.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 15, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      TA! TA! TA! How many times are my ring your name.? Like joke like joke is how you met John Grisham and got a book autographed and went to Opera and all the other things you have no confess? Ah han now, its not fair o! I have decided that the time has come for me to start accompanying you on your trips. You can do macclean for borofus. Oya shift.

    • Blessedheart

      June 15, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      You met John Grisham? What?! Ok. I have to learn how to be friendly

    • Ocean Beauty

      June 15, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      TA, before you debut that article, just tell me if I am friendly or not because many times I dont know were I belong.
      Maybe I am a friendly snub???
      I will wait for your article to categorize me.

    • SimSim

      June 15, 2015 at 10:13 pm

      TA!!! You are the ‘very’ problem Atoke is trying to address!!! And like her I’m ‘wow-ed’ and angered by your skills.
      I died twice over from laughing through your comment. I don’t mind the perks of this type of friendliness, though. But despite several resolutions to change…hmmm… I guessHe is still working on me.
      My sister is like you and it irritates me to walk down the road with her because if she decides to greet everyone we know on that street. Imagine us walking along and me engrossed in the gist but every two seconds we have to break the gist to greet someone. And poor, poor me (lol) who was hoping to ignore everyone has to greet too so I am not labelled the rude or proud one (depending on the age of said neighbour)
      I WILL…I MUST get better. Even if only to meet John Grisham or perhap Mr. Buble.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 16, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      That accusation of walking down the road and greeting people every two minutes – I keep getting that hurled in my direction. I have friends who refuse to wait for me after a church service because they believe that I’ll spend 1 hour just “greeting” the whole auditorium. My sister came to visit me in Aberdeen and left with the belief that I knew every single Nigerian on this side of the North Sea because wherever we went, I must surely hail somebody.

      But the thing is … I wouldn’t ever readily categorise myself as being overtly friendly. I enjoy general civil interaction and a great laugh but I’m also a dedicated lover of my own space and alone time.

      Saying that, though, one very nice-looking bro was being extremely chatty after we met for the first time last night and I didn’t need too much convincing to be as friendly as possible to the young man… I’m a shameless hussy, abi? Be gentle with your rebuke. 🙂

    • Bumzie

      June 16, 2015 at 1:43 am

      You sound very southern. Do you live in Georgia?

    • Shobie

      June 16, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      @TA, I am jorlos. My older daughter is like dat. I hv fed All manner of stray little people in my house. My other one is like me. It takes time for me to warm up to people. When l do, you hv a friend for life. When l am with friends, I tell the most wicked jokes and when l am not, friends says l am like a soldier on the parade ground. Life is short jare.

    • Fashionista

      June 24, 2015 at 1:34 pm

      Oh that should be an interesting read – definitely looking forward to that. As for me its weird, I lean more to the grouchy side of life but in the same realm, I waver between grouchy and friendly. That’s how I got nicknamed “confused bitch” by my sister. One minute im all grouchy and the next thing im being nice to a stranger or someone I totally don’t need to be nice to.

  6. le coco

    June 15, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    i am not mean or anything.. but i fall under the grouch category.. im the kinda person doesnt wna strike convo’s with strangers on the bus.. nd in the elevator.. abeg.. if you enter th elevator.. i will greet y sha.. but it ends there.. nd i scream internally when randoms start to go beyond greetings.. like ohh, whats your name? do you live here? why so serious? asin.. allow my angry resting face to be now.. shooo.. choii… GREAT WRITEUP ATOKE!!

  7. Jagbajantis

    June 15, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    I used to be very friendly and outgoing until my late teens. Before then, I could make friends in a solitary confinement room sef. Most people say “Hi” or “Good morning” as greetings. I was the type that would ask “Did you sleep well last night?” And not drift off, when you answered that question. I was genuinely interested in people, and always saw the best of them.

    But that changed in after I hit like 18. I made new friends who were part of the cool set. They taught me refinement, and aloofness, and how to avoid small talk and how to include swag into my demeanor so that “see finish” does not enter. And that is how I have grown up. One of the things my girl always tells me is that I have an inherent skill in getting people to open up to me, but I do not use it as I shy away from being friendly.

    • Marati

      June 15, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      Jagbanjatis you allowed other people to influence to the extent of hiding your true friendly nature. You better dig up your friendly nature and start using it

    • Jagbajantis

      June 15, 2015 at 3:08 pm

      Notice that this happened during my teens – which were my formative years. Experiences, hardship, peer pressure, cultural influences do change one’s personality, you know?

      I am bit more open these days, but perhaps not like I was. Marati, did you sleep well last night?

  8. dami

    June 15, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    hehehe TA.. Am so jealous of you right now ooo!!! Maybe i should work on this friendliness thing sef

  9. debbie

    June 15, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    i like to think of myself as being friendly but in actual sense I dont think i fall into that category. It takes extra effort for the other person to engage me in a conversation. Thank God for the few friends i have who looked beyond my ‘stone face’
    Talking sef is a chore and just like nammy, i cant really be bothered about much pleasantries…hello, hi, good morning. etc is just enough for me.
    wish i could be friendlier…..I’ll really love to have many friends

  10. cindy

    June 15, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    I don’t know the category I fall into o……… me

  11. Tochini Beads

    June 15, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    My husband is so friendly and it’s so annoying! A new IT student comes to his department today and the next day he comes home with all the fine details of his/her life and am like.. Ehn! When did they know u enough to tell you all these?! We once travelled to the East by bus and before we reached Ore he was chatting with the driver and about 5 other passengers in the bus as if he’s known them for ages! Of course they exchanged numbers at the end..And trust him to try to draw me into the conversation.. If we have to go out together I have to warn him not to talk to any strangers but he never listens.. he enters a taxi and he’ll be sure to leave with information on how many wives and children the driver has and even what he ate for breakfast! Honestly I marvel at how he does it, Am always like do you have to be friendly and chatty to everyone you meet?! I am someone that if I see anyone I know and they happen to be looking in another direction I will sneak by without greeting them.. Not like am a snob though when people get to know me I can be fun but I really can’t be bothered with making the effort..

    • Blessedheart

      June 15, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      I console myself saying my husband is friendly enough for the both of us. Lol.

    • Xoxo

      June 16, 2015 at 9:59 am

      Loool, you just described my fiance and i to a t. His friendliness exhausts me, dat sometimes i wonder how he does it, not excluding the dry jokes he cracks. I always cant help but roll my eyes. But i on d oda side, its all fun when u get to know me, but it might take some time as i dread small talk.

  12. Oyindee

    June 15, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    TeamFriendly yayyyyy,but then for me the fear of rejection is the beginning of wisdom o,so i gauge people”s mood and reaction,so you smile at me i smile back and gist starts automatically but i smile at you and you just look at me with a straight face,i just lock up and jejely face my warrant….and have you seen a friendly person blow up before……My GOD….you don”t want to witness that,trust me

    • ssah

      June 16, 2015 at 2:29 pm

      exactly @blow up. their anger na him worst pass

  13. Funkyw

    June 15, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Atoke, your appreciation made me want to leave a comment instead of my usual style of just reading. Anyway my sister and I come in two shades of friendliness, when I’m in an unknown environment I especially feel the need to be friendly with the “lonely looking people”, nothing more than basically making everyone comfortable around each other, nothing past the level of acquaintanceship, I don’t like too much small talk.

    My sister dearest is all for shakara on the first meeting, no real attempt to reach out but you see, the very first instance she begins to interact with strangers, she takes it to another level, she gives and gets so much information from them, gisting and gisting away. Many times, she gets very detailed gists from my friends, things that I’m probably too shy to talk about.

    My problem with that level of friendliness is that people begin to think there’s already a real friendship, whereas my sister sees them as acquaintances. I just prefer to keep my friends and acquaintances separate.

  14. aurora

    June 15, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    I admire sanguines. They are the ones who know how to do this whole talk to everyone in a room, on the bus, on the train etc and leave everyone smiling and happy. Sanguines are always looking around itching for who to talk to and talk with. Gosh. It be be so annoying sometimes.
    I could be friendly and I could be grouchy, all depends on my mood. That’s the typical melancholic trait. So I always envy all those to whom the whole friendliness and airy persona comes naturally to.
    oh well, like TA said, we are all different.
    Ps – after someone commented on atoke’s lately over deep post after her masters, I noticed she’s calmed down and started getting back to how she was when we first fell in love with her. Keep it up atoke. Save the depth for your professors. ?

    • TA

      June 15, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      @ aurora spot on with the assessment of sanguines. You ain’t lied at all..

    • Atoke

      June 22, 2015 at 12:20 am

      Lol Chimuo! Obama Jizoz! But what happens if I’m gunning for bigger things like International prizes on social conscious message and that sort of kini kan kini kan!

      You people should let me be great na! Lol

      Oya we will find a balance. The one I’ll write for me and my unborn children. Then the one I’ll write for y’all!

      Thanks for being here. XOXOXOXOXO

  15. Moyo

    June 15, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Stone face grouche, not friendly at all, I manage to say something when I am in a good mood, I cant stand nosy neighbours, who want to know if the children are okay, of course they are. if they are not I know what to do or where to take them. I have been called a snob, unfriendly and my mother in law usually asks after me from my husband, instead of calling me directly. Lol. Oh well I am working on it I prefer to send a text than call someone it is easier for me. My sister is so friendly, I cant stand friendly and talkative people, Arrgh

    • TA

      June 15, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Some times when people ask if you or your children are ok,its not to say you do not know what to do or where to take them if they are not. They are only showing that they care. I’m just saying…:-)

  16. keke

    June 15, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    I can b friendly. it all depends. At times am jst all cold , but if u make me to b all friendly, then friendly u”ll get. And if otherwise,…

  17. Why so bitter

    June 15, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    I am super friendly and I enjoy the random stranger gist! Our paths most likely would never cross again, however I enjoyed that moment. Trust me if you ask me about a personal information I will give but get ready I will collect more. It so much fun, why be all hot and bothered when you can be all warm and free

  18. TA

    June 15, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    @ aurora spot on with the assessment of sanguines. You ain’t lied at all..

  19. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    June 15, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Friend 1: I work at X
    Friend2: Oh, you work at X; Do you know Bobo? She works there as well.
    Friend 1: Bobo what? It’s a large place you know.
    Friend 2: Its either you know her or you don’t.
    Friend 1: Oh, THAT Bobo….

    I admit that the above could mean anything. But I honestly do not know if I am a friendly person. One thing I do know is that I love to see people happy (Yeah, I know, sounds lame but that my is ministry and we are expanding). Nothing beats the expression of surprise when you offer a total stranger kindness.

    But please let me do my bit and bounce abeg. don’t be coming with thank you for the other day if we happen to know each other. Nne, I will freeze you out like idunnowhatyouaretalkingabout I am not shy of the limelight but being deliberately noticed makes me highly uncomfortable, if you can understand the paradox. One thank you is good forever. Not every time thank you like the Yoruba’s rock it.

    • Cynical

      June 15, 2015 at 5:59 pm

      Honestly that ‘thank you for yesterday’ thing ehn…..even 5days after,the thing can make one go crazy. Give it a rest.

    • Cynical

      June 15, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Big time grouch,leave me alone……after our good morning,go to Ur corner. Don’t start with all the how are the kids and did you sleep well stuff. It really annoys me especially at work,when you know all those people shining teeth will happily sell you out without thinking twice.
      I can be friendly at social events though,but no exchanging of nos or addresses,I don’t even have energy for that. Maybe I just like my own company….

    • Kunu

      June 16, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      LOL slightly off topic but it wasn’t until I went to school outside Nigeria that I realised that thanking people over and over makes them uncomfortable. I think it’s definitely a Yoruba thing.

  20. Thatshychic

    June 15, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Oh how I admire friendly people! How do you guys do it!? Most of my friendships started out with the other party making the first move.

    Funny thing is I have a great sense of humor and can make people laugh effortlessly, but I come across as grouchy because I just won’t make the first move. It’s hard to explain.

    O well…

  21. TA

    June 15, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Hahahaha, Lol! How many times you call me, I was not counting o hanty. Oh darling Bobos oh yes I can do Maclean for borrofus. Lol! But how do we share the perks? hehehe

  22. Tru

    June 15, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    i’m quite friendly but, “Good fences make good neighbours” 🙂

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 15, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      You aint told no lie.

  23. Nonye

    June 15, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    Atoke I’m so with you! One funny thing with friendly people is that their friendship is always in the moment. You might find them some other day & try to rekindle a previous encounter but they turn out to be totally blank….Really annoying

  24. D

    June 15, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    I am a choleric, that is, not outgoing or friendly by nature, however, I have since learned to be approachable because it definitely helps. I am really not interested in your mother’s new dentures. The one I get a lot is you have such a pretty name where are you from? I respond Nigeria and I hear this ” o my grandpa’s second cousin visited Kenya” ok, at that point I am like can somebody say “freeze” I.e I completely freeze up, face and all. I was told some friends how a co-worker would work in every morning and say to me ” Good morning sunshine” . I am not your darn sunshine. You don’t see me and think of the sun. I am very ok with friendly people but it is the fake ones that are doing it for selfish gain that I dislike e.g Ms sunshine and yes I can “smell” them. I believe what I lack in the friendliness department I make up for in reading people accurately.

    • Tosin

      June 15, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      kisses, sunshine!
      awww, you’re missing out.

  25. teekay

    June 15, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    heaven knows am not even a friendly person i get it alot..people dnt usually like me until they get to know me sad i wish i could be friendly tho

  26. Demilade

    June 15, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    I’m very friendly. One of my classmates calls me ‘Madam Rainbows and Sunshine’. I’m friendly to everyone because you never know where you’ll see them in future and need their help. If you acted terribly to them how will they help you? I still know when to stand my ground though. xx

  27. teegal

    June 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    If there is anyword like’Over friendly’ I will say dats me, am hardcore Extrovert, I start conversations without stress,even amidst people I just launch with jokes and all, I do it genuinely cos I can’t stand boredom,am a bit quiet if am with guys n all but the moment one of dem reaches out to me in ma hibernating mode, I respond and from there am fully into d gist but there are times I see myself as”u talk 2 much” so sometimes in ma friendly mode, I try so much to just keep quiet, by constantly reminding myself that ”don’t over do ooo” cos am an open book, one can read me easily but sometimes people misread my friendliness for somethings else, am blunt, and when am honest,people mistake it for being Mean!

  28. Tiny colored miracle

    June 15, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Am friendly!!!!!Lord am friendly…always shining teeth nd joking with mothers in church,it’s hard for me to be moody wen am among plenty pple,ds afternoon,I entered d banking hall nd sum1 was like ….are u Bolu”s sister,am like yes ,jst like dt,she was like ma handbag till I left,nt rili chatting sha,I was angry wit d one who sent me to d bank,bt I still made time to be with d grl nd tel her bye before going,to kids,am nice,am jst friendly,with smiles nd all….but…dts aw my mum told someone dt am mean,dt I kanra,hu can explain dt in yorub

    • Tiny colored miracle

      June 15, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Yoruba,yes yes,bt den even with all my friendliness,I try to be strict when necessary ,nd I wnt take nonsense frm people,am crazy too so I wnt let my friendliness be a way of being taken advantage off……,y”all,Jesus loves u!!!!

  29. Blah blah

    June 15, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    I do not like extremely friendly and bubbly personalities. I find friendly people to be really unreliable and undependable. They can laugh, shine their teeth and make you feel good. But when you really need them, they are no where. It has happened to me so many times. My grouchy sullen people are there through thick and thin. I am going to go out on a limb and say that this is probably due to sanguine type people being forgetful. Very very forgetful. Keep the bubbly abeg.

  30. I Ren

    June 15, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Now that I have stood on the street to read the post plus comments, it makes little sense to wait until I’m home to respond.
    Atowks, you are welcome.
    As per friendly… That matter, ehn.
    I think I’m quite social – but I keep my friends few. I’m all for laughing and hugging and dancing with you on first (or second) meet, but you try and ask for my number or to visit and see the close up of my brick wall. I guard my privacy veeeery closely.
    So lerrus make our noise outside and go individually to our separate penthouses. Pere.

  31. Lateefah

    June 15, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    I’m friendly in a subtle kinda way sha. My only difficulty is taking the random greetings to the next level.

  32. Chinma Eke

    June 15, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    I’m the friendly one who doesn’t want to know all the details of your life, lol. I will say hi with a friendly smile, but….. I don’t want to know all the details. Well, except we’re friends. Which I have very few of. My colleagues once voted me the ‘Mother Teresa’ of our class, the one who notices when anyone isn’t in class and all that, says hi to everyone, but only very few were are my friends.
    I’m friendly, but noninvasive, and I don’t expect you to be. Lol. Growing up, my sis and I kinda divided our social circle, in a non-competitivee way, and if you weren’t friends with either or both of us, you were truly terrible. Lol.
    Like the lady who met John Grisham, friendliness has opened a lot of doors for me, but it’s also been misunderstood (esp when it has to do with the opposite sex).

  33. AshBun

    June 15, 2015 at 8:04 pm


    Sometimes I don’t know where I stand but it would be safe to hinge this on my mood. I do know I am the sorta girl who would enter a room and throw a general greeting to anyone who cares to respond, I am also the one who has veeeeery many friends and try to bridge a gap between people but in all these things I sometimes still find it difficult to tell people things that I consider private and NOT their business.

    A lot of people say I am too ‘coded’ but I guess I am only guarded as a result of all the orisirisi I have been through…. I don’t mind meeting a total stranger and striking a conversation even till the point of exchanging numbers and requesting for visits but if I am not in the mood at that very minute and you come close with your ‘all-in-my-biz’ nosyness you shan’t like yourself .

  34. Tosin

    June 15, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    my first reaction: friendly people are NOT annoying. i’m not a fan of unfriendly people. but i read your bit and ok, i see your point of view. friendliness rocks sha.

  35. Vidavi

    June 16, 2015 at 12:22 am

    It doesn’t cost a dime to be friendly. You never know you might just brighten someone’s day by showing that bit of courtesy. Some Nigerians think they have to be snobbish or, cold as though it’s a sign of success, or class. It ain’t!!!!!

  36. Fanya

    June 16, 2015 at 10:00 am

    I am a very friendly person but I am not a chatty person. I am also a bit of a people pleaser though I really wish I wasn’t. Most of the time, I cant help it. . I like to meet people but I hate being the first to break the ice.

  37. mabel

    June 16, 2015 at 10:20 am

    I come across as a sanguine myself. I hate malice, I love having fun but I’m very private. I keep to myself a WHOLE lot. I make an effort to be friendly and I don’t have best friends. I guess there must be something wrong with my make up. I must be a melancholic person trapped in a sanguine body. A contradiction.

  38. Babygiwa

    June 16, 2015 at 10:39 am

    Atowks baby, nice article as usual.
    I believe I am a very friendly person due to the fact that I am part sanguine and part choleric. I can be friendly and grouchy in the space of 2 minutes but I try to share myself with people that I meet everyday and I enjoy them sharing their stories with me too. It just makes life more beautiful.
    Please read my sister’s blog diaryofmsgenesis.c for friendly christian stories to bless you. Toodles! Popcorn, coke and puff puff! Because I can? *side eyeing Atoke*

  39. ssah

    June 16, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    they say i suffer from multiple personality disorder(MPD), sometimes i’m extremely friendly, sometimes i’m extremely cold. and i always feel, ok the times im not friendly, can’t those other people step in and be friendly?why wait for me to be friendly all the time?lol. but i guess it is something you have to learn. like my mentor says “you are never completely dressed without a smile”, even when your eyes accidentally meet with someone else’s eyes, don’t look away without smiling, some guys/girls will take that to mean “flirting” but there’s a lot of difference btw flirting and being polite.

  40. H

    June 16, 2015 at 3:22 pm

    I quite agree @ friendliness doesn’t always mean niceness. niceness on its own is an art that must be learnt. i mean, why are some people just naturally “bitchy”

  41. oy

    June 16, 2015 at 3:22 pm

    lol……i’ve also noticed that fat people or lemme say plus-sized people are usually more friendly than others

  42. EbonyDuchess

    June 16, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    I think I’ve got split personalities. If you are weak & helpless…I’m all nice to you. And if you are not, and you just start chatting happily to me as a stranger…well…I just might phase out. Only when Angel Gabriel is around or I’m actually learning from your “gist”, then I respond with such sweet energy. God help me.

  43. portable

    June 16, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    Where is Miss SA mbok, its been a while I saw her cheery comments….Neo too, Bleedblue as well. Nah, I not a stalker, I’m just a lil lady who enjoys the community of BN commenters. Does that make me friendly?? *wanders off in deep thought…

  44. Julia

    June 16, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    So, I finally get to comment on BN for the first time, after being a silent reader for a long time.

    As a PhlegSan- Phlegmatic and Sanguine parts are almost equal, but I know I’m an introvert (friends think otherwise, though)- Im friendly, CAN be bubbly, enjoy the company of people, dogs and MYSELF almost equally.
    When in the company of many people, I’ll usually be quiet, while enjoying the company, greatly. I could butt in, though, if I see the need…especially if it’s about something I’m passionate about like footie and the likes.
    Being with people doesn’t drain me, unlike the typical Melancholy fellow.
    I can be in a bus and strike up a conversation with a stranger and we’ll chat like we’ve known for long. I usually tend to reach out to quiet people, in fact, the reason I became friends with my closest female friend was because she was too quiet and I felt if I didn’t reach out, she would suffer in silence.
    Over a decade ago, my friend, who was to walk me to my hall, told another of his friend to do so because of something urgent that came up. That friend of his is extremely quiet and as we walked the short distance, I formulated a new goal- get this guy to TALK. By the time we got to my hall of residence, the guy almost went past as he talked and talked and talked. I was so excited. Lol.

    Life is so beautiful when we’re friendly, rather than grouchy, but the grouchy ones still have their benefits. We had a very grouchy neighbour (must be ChlorMel) and the woman picked a fight with all. When she died, people were almost happy, but I missed her a little. when I look at the surrounding, I know it would have been better if she were to be alive as she never allowed any mess, so no one is ‘all evil, no good’.

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      June 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      Glad you flew in from Keyboardville. Welcome.

  45. Isioma

    June 17, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Am not friendly even though I try. I prefer to quietly pass someone I know and not say hello than get his/her attention and exchange greetings. I don’t even like receiving calls from people. Am in my early 30’s and i’ve lived a solo life with one or two friends. My husband tells me I have to work on my social life but I’d be like ‘is that money we should be making?’

    Being friendly has its benefits but what doesn’t come natural to you can be very difficult to attain. Like I said earlier, I try to be friendly but e get as I do reach, I go rest, lol..

    Friendly people can be so annoying e.g. my hubby, When he has he’s friend (s) over and they are chatting away, laughing and shouting, he tries to get me involved in the gist and I say to myself ‘don’t these people have where they live, pls this house is too small for all of us’

  46. Mariah

    June 18, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    I think I’m a friendly grouch (whatever that means) lol! My sister is exactly what you described, walking on the street with her is pure torture! She’ll greet practically everyone on the road, smile and even ask after the whole family. To make matters worse we look alike & people often confuse on for the other. I’ve had strangers hug/greet/playfully hit me thinking I was her…

    After all said and done; I think being friendly has a lot of perks (meeting John Grisham inclusive) *smiles+.

    I am learning to be more friendly (easier done on the phone than in actual person). #mustbefriendlybyfirebyforce#

  47. Magz

    June 19, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Atoke, you are welcome.

    Now to the article; i can be friendly and i can be a grouch. It totally depends on my mood. My younger sister on the other hand is always friendly & a professional talkative, started from when she was very young, all her report cards in primary school had “very intelligent pupil but she talks a lot” comment on them. In primary 2, her teacher rotated her seat weekly just to stop her from making unnecessary friends and talking in class but not my sister, she ended up making friends at new seats, the poor teacher gave up at the end of the day. She can enter into a room and see 20 people, my sister will go round to each of them and greet everybody karikari….im always like what?!

    I can be grouchy at first but at the end, i tend to be very friendly and can be annoying sef. At work, my former COO used to send me out of her office because of how i used to disturb her, same thing with some of my colleagues (i once told a male colleague that he looks better when he wears jeans….lol!). but some of my colleagues don’t really warm up to me and those ones, it is just hi hi. And there are just some people i just click off with right from the start. Once I’m drawn to you, i will make every move to be friends with you………yes i can be that annoying!

    And there are days that when my father’s house own (t’ile baba mi) descends upon me, i will just say good morning to everyone and that is it! i wouldn’t even smile and will only talk when necessary. I’m not really one for talking and talking and talking but my sister can talk your ears off……silence is an abomination to her.

  48. Rosetta

    June 24, 2015 at 9:47 am

    i love the article!!! I’m the friendly type also in fact i thrive on meeting new people and talking to random strangers!! My reason being ‘ why stay silent if there’s someone to talk to’. I’ve met all kinds of people doing this and i initially thought it was something everyone did until a friend of mine said “i’m not like you, smiling doesn’t come naturally to me’
    So to the less smiley people, make the effort because it’s worth it!! If for nothing else, the different reactions you get will put a smile on your face…

    • onegirlikethat

      June 30, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      My dear it’s very difficult when it doesn’t come naturally to you. Extremely difficult in fact. I’m a card carrying member of team grouch. Have i missed opportunities in life because of it? Probably. But i just don’t know any other way to interact with the world around me. As for smiling at people for no darn reason, I cant even figure that out. Lol. Oh well..

  49. Moxie

    June 27, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    Ahhh…The hello dearie in work email got me…most times I have to remind myself it’s official to greet! I am just like you. ….taking time to warm up but once I do….I loyal die.

  50. dee

    July 3, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Am one of those who can see her friend and look the other way, I mean it’s not that we are having a quarrel or anything like that, but then when we see later we talk freely,I mean it’s just who I am.

  51. Ene

    August 10, 2020 at 6:37 pm

    I’m also the very friendly type, except when I sense a bad vibe from you. But asides that I’m the kind of person to always say hi first??

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