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Aunty Bella: Miss. Does He Want Me or My Citizenship?

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime_s_31061047Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

This letter is from a BN reader asking if a guy really wants her … or if he wants her citizenship.

***

I desperately need help with this please. I have been talking to this guy online for two weeks now and everything has been going well. But I noticed the guy keeps asking me about my citizenship in the country I am currently staying in.

We met online through Facebook, and we don’t have mutual friends. I am 20 and he’s 27 – he lives in Nigeria and has a legit job that I know of. We get along very well – he wants to know about me, and about my past, but he doesn’t seem to have anything to say on his part.

When I refuse to tell him about certain personal issues he just acts strange. He would keep quiet all of a sudden and wouldn’t talk again, then he will pop up and keep bugging me until I tell him the personal things I don’t feel comfortable sharing.

Yes, I am a citizen but he’s asked me this a few times now and I am scared because I think it’s too early to be asking of my citizenship. We Skype when we can and he seems like a nice guy but I just don’t trust him. I am scared.

He hasn’t talked about coming here yet but we are flirting, and I’m not sure it’s going to lead into a relationship because of the distance.

Please please please advise me on what to do…

~ Miss Z

Photo Credit: Ailaimages | Dreamstime.com

61 Comments

  1. le coco

    June 15, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Sista girl… if you hv not seen this legit job then he is probably lying… online relationships rnt to be trusted.. a lot of scammers out there… jst delete this guy cus he seems shady.

    • oy

      June 15, 2015 at 5:36 pm

      he definitely seems shady. even legit job guys sef dey scam not to talk of those who don’t have. it will do you a lot of good to just end things, really

    • jay

      June 17, 2015 at 4:45 am

      Simple advice – don’t be a learner.

    • Bayowilson

      June 15, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      Girl, Na Yahoo-Boy dey run you.

  2. teekay

    June 15, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    i guess you are kind of young and you said u guyz met two weeks ago.. i advice you take time to study him and be very careful of what you disclose to him even if he insist.. i wish you all the best

  3. Niola

    June 15, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    LOL! Women and their God-given intuition……Sweetheart you have answered your question shikena…

    • MC

      June 15, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      This one isn’t even God-given intuition!…it’s just common sense! Which of course she wants to ignore.

  4. loopy

    June 15, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    RUN!

  5. Jane

    June 15, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    O.Y.O my dear better run! ONLY 2 WEEKS bros no fit tell u shishi about his life and he dey ask for citizenship? Na thief! Ole barawo in dove form! this dude no send you at all.. Bros dey look for pali wey in go take betta in life…den talk say,a word is enough for the wise. Get rid of him my friend. There are enough guys in the country you are living in jare mchew

  6. Ross

    June 15, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Well dear first of all, must you talk to him? Your intution is obviously warning you. Why do you keep talking to him if your’e uncomfortable with the questions he asks you? Must you wait until something bad happens before you listen to your inner voice???? Theres nothing special about him my dear; you will meet dozens of guys (in person) who want to get to know you, and don’t care a thing for your passport. Stop blocking your path and wasting time with potential disasters on the internet.

  7. Colour Purple

    June 15, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    You already know the answer na! To confirm for yourself tell him you are illegal but you are trying to get your papers though you are not sure when it will click and see the Ben Johnson he will do away from you. Nothing we tell you would convince you unless you see for yourself. Good luck!

    • nene

      June 15, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      gbam

    • Ada Nnewi

      June 15, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      You!!! I thought u were very busy at work when I called you to gist now you’re commenting on bella…God is watching you in 5D!

    • shade

      June 15, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      Lmao! U sound like me. I had to learn how to say I’m either on a student visa or I’m trying to be legal. No matter how legit they sound be it background or job, they still want here. Trust me from Experience thanks to God for wisdom. It was bad to d extend, I went for my Citizenship and I never told him.. So sweetie even Dr’s there wanna be here let alone a 27yrs dude who keeps saying he’s got a legit job. Like I said earlier, I am talking from experience. So please hub U are still young. Don’t be too desperate to get into a distance relationship.I’m almost a decade your age, so run boo!!! I was exactly your age when I almost fell for this mess.. I had to recheck that again lol.

  8. Bleed Blue

    June 15, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    These Aunt Bella pieces of nowadays ehn…. anyway let me not be too hasty to conclude. My problems 10 years ago seemed like proper big issues to me at the time.

    As for the writer seeking advice,
    1. It’s been only 2 weeks you’ve known him,
    2. You’re 20,
    3. Your instincts tell you he’s seeking an immigration related acquaintance.
    4. You’re already against the concept of long distance relationships

    Res ipsa loquitur

    • Taiwo

      June 15, 2015 at 5:16 pm

      The facts speak for itself!!! GBAM!!!

    • Person

      June 15, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      Are you a lawyeer, Bleed Blue? 😉

    • Bleed Blue

      June 16, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      Yes ma dear. 🙂

    • Teris

      June 17, 2015 at 11:41 am

      khalas! it is finished. you have said it all.

      Totally feel ur comment “These Aunt Bella pieces of nowadays ehn… problems 10 years ago seemed like proper big issues to me at the time…” LOL! Always!

  9. Great Lady

    June 15, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    I honestly don’t know what you’re asking advice for. You already know this guy is bad news, I believe you’re looking for who will tell you to quit talking to him. Babe perfect love casts out fear,if you’re already afraid of him,please leave him. The guy actually seems untrustworthy. I personally wouldn’t advise you to divulge sensitive information about yourself to a total stranger you met online. Keep things casual abeg.

  10. Alero

    June 15, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Go and read ya books before you enter “one chance”! On a serious note, if you are scared, then he probably isn’t the one for you.

    What is he doing with your citizenship status? You had better be careful. You are too young to get yourself into “self inflicted complications”.

  11. Taiwo

    June 15, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Girl, pull off your sandals and BOLT!!!!!! Gbajue Alert!

  12. Nonye

    June 15, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    I think you know the answer already.
    1). “When I refuse to tell him about certain personal issues he just acts strange. He would keep quiet all of a sudden and wouldn’t talk again, then he will pop up and keep bugging me until I tell him the personal things I don’t feel comfortable sharing.” This is a bad sign. One day he will ask you to send nude pictures or for you to remove your top while skyping and hopefully I hope you will have the sense not to.
    2). You met him on FB and we don’t have mutual friends. While some good stories come out of this, I will ask you to err on the side of caution.
    3). This guy remains an acquaintance and not a friend. There is a difference.
    4). Asking for the country you are in is not bad. Anyone can ask that. Whether you want to divulge your citizenship status is another.

  13. Disguised

    June 15, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    YOUR CITIZENSHIP!!

    Better run!!!

    There are so many ladies living as single mothers/ or divorced and broken because the guy came in and stole n left. (I know so many ladies in that shoe).

    Some met the guy in church self.

    It’s easy to walk away when he gets what he wants.

    Ladies be careful.

    • Ann Nelo

      June 18, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      True

  14. whocares

    June 15, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    LOOOOOOOOL. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (this is the part I wish I knew some funny pidgin english or even yoruba proverb to insert here; as I dont know any, I will another ell oh ell will suffice)
    Firstly, how do people even become friends on fb with someone with whom they have no one in common? Am I the only one that guards my fb page like it contains FBI, CIA, M15 information in its totality? To each his own.
    Rules for international “on the line” flirting.. actually, there is none. You flirt, and when you turn off your computer, you return to your life. Only two weeks of flirting and you are worrying about a relationship? If you have to ask this question, you know the answer. Trust your instincts. You are 20! I am pretty sure there are nice, cute guys where you live, no? date them, enjoy, date multiple guys at once gan sef (i actually mean this.). Which one is the 27 year old internet uncle you are worrying so much about you even solicited help from strangers? Sometimes, I think BN makes up this aunty bella stories. ahan!
    Let me be nice. If you actually do need help, then don’t do it. It might not end well. I am not God therefore I cannot say that with certainty but probability, and “iriri aiye” stories tell us these things never end well; and you don’t know him from Adam or know anyone who knows him either. I have a very vivid imagination and I can paint you various scenarios of how this might turn out, but I will let you use your discretion to fill in the gap.

    • tunmi

      June 15, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      I am with you when it comes to my fb pave. The fear of prospective employers is the beginning of wisdom. And some people sef, where did you find me? Better yet, HOW did you find me? We have absolutely nothing in common, and you wan add me….abeg shift

  15. comfort

    June 15, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Follow your heart. It will prompt you. Don’t ignore those prompting. He is not the only man. The right one will come. Don’t get stuck

  16. D

    June 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Simply put. Dude wants papers. No go/come about this one. If he is fixated on the issue of citizenship then your intuition is right on this one. BTW God gave us ok intuition for a reason.

  17. D

    June 15, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    *****ignore the ok before intuition********

  18. chucx

    June 15, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Run.

  19. Southernbell

    June 15, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Trust your instintcs. he wants to make sure when he decides to bail out of nij his citizenship SURE and it will decide how your relationship will go lol alot of his type in nij

  20. Ehiwarior

    June 15, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    1. Please don’t reveal your citizenship status to him.
    2. Tell him you are not a citizen
    3. Watch his reactions towards you.
    4. If you notice any visible change, like a withdrawal from you, unfriend him.
    5. If you do not, remain his friend
    6. If he pushes, and tries to get some information you consider personal from you, tell him you are not too comfortable, and please be careful.

  21. Ivy

    June 15, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    All the sins are there nawww. HE WANTS YOU FOR YOUR CITIZENSHIP. Besides, must you tell him you are a citizen? How about a little white lie? Tell him you not a citizen and u thinking about relocating to Nigeria to look for a job, then hear what he will say…….These boys ain’t loyal boo.

  22. 2x

    June 15, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    Run baby runnnnnnnn for your life!! You need to block the guy off of facebook and delete on skype as well. He is definitely looking for a mugu he can use to get out of the country. Insisting on knowing personal things about you without revealing anything about himself is another major red flag. He is a scammer my dear and your conscience which is your first major guide is already uneasy. DO not ignore it runnnnnnn before its too late!!

  23. Leah

    June 15, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    Well tell him you’re not a citizen and see where that takes him. You really don’t owe him anything the same way he doesn’t owe you. You are 20 though, in college? minge and explore your environment too. This day and age, online relationships do work, but you can still meet someone as well. It’s been only two weeks, you are young, there is no rush, take your time, be smart and stay cautious. Cheers.

  24. brownsugar

    June 15, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Chick don’t be silly, this man is nothing but trouble! all he wants is to take advantage of you. be wise and cut off ties with him, he is not genuine at all, please do not indulge him anymore.

  25. Jagbajantis

    June 15, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    If it looks like a rat, walks like a rat and wants your cheese, then it must be a rat. Call it Splinter or oke or okete if you want, but run for your dear life. And take your passport with you. Fear not those who come to steal your body and soul, but also those who seek to ensnare you for logistic benefit. Why would he be asking you about your citizenship status? Is he a travel officer at MM1?

    Maybe you should tell him that you are illegal, but are a national of Sudan – let us see his true intentions manifest. Meanwhile run

  26. MC

    June 15, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    All this in just 2 weeks! 2 weeks!?!
    Some people have patience. I couldn’t entertain such rubbish.

    • MC

      June 15, 2015 at 5:35 pm

      Until you come back and tell him the personal stuff you didn’t want to answer…this has happened already and more than once?…in just 2 weeks!? huh!? A stranger!?
      Was a gun put to your head?

  27. nne007

    June 15, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    I will just lay out the red flags for you

    1- Its just been only two weeks

    2- You have no mutual friends in common, don’t know why you would accept the friendship in the first place.

    3- Girl u are just 20 and he will definitely see you as a vulnerable young lady.

    4- Its WAY TO SOON to be asking you personal stuffs like if you are a citizen, while he has not told you anything about himself.

    5- Getting angry with you when you dont tell him what he wants to hear.

    And girl like every other previous posters, his so-called legit job is not legit. His job is going online to look for girls to scam and get his papers.

    #shineyoureyes #byefelicia

  28. keeks

    June 15, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Aha Nigerians and their advice. I love this. You are like speaking to a younger sister. My dear he is not as legit as that his job. Run!

    • shade

      June 15, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      Lmao! I know I’m wondering what ever happened to him accepting her as a Nigerian Citizen hahaha as in “an bad tin”? Is Nigeria not a Country? No every one wanna be a Citizen of some where else or is thinking of a dual citizenship. Besides, some folks ve a great job & they can’t be a citizen of else due to the governmential job they ve. #legitjobmyass#

  29. nene

    June 15, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    online relationship. mbanu.

  30. miss Pynk

    June 15, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Haba next you will be asking us why he hasn’t repaid you your tuition money or house rent you lent him because his mother was sick in the village.

    If you dont have a brain, rent or borrow yourself one. The writing is all over the wall, ceiling and floor self.

    pynk360.com

  31. Sam.J

    June 15, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    but are you a citizen tho?

  32. phino

    June 15, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    Just because he said he has a legit job doesn’t mean he does.. how do you trust someone u just met online (just 2 weeks). The guy is obviously showing red flags, it seems like you just want to ignore it.

  33. FinchleysFinest

    June 15, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    **”BOLT”LY RUN MY DEAR**
    RUN for Ya Life….

  34. aishat

    June 15, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    girl face yor studies..youre 20 you should know abt MTV catfish…you should talk to him and tell him youre not a citizen see if he still wants to continue the relationship hahha

    • Iris

      June 15, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      MTV Catfish!!!!! Lol! You are mad.

  35. chi-e-z

    June 15, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    This is totally unrelated but @ BN can we hype up our Falconets. They keep hyping team USA understandably here for the women’s soccer World Cup and belittling Team Naija as the cheap underdog of their Group of Death squad… Let’s hype up our Falconets and let them know we’re watching and rooting 4 them.

  36. Tosin

    June 15, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    recommended reading: I Do Not Come To You By Chance, by Adaobi Nwaubani, the short stories of A. Igoni Barrett, and (maybe) the last part of 60% of a True Story by Osisiye Tafa. The yahoo thing is not really fiction o, it’s a large and vibrant industry.

  37. PurpleiciousBabe

    June 15, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    @ 20… awwww such a baby. I mean do you know what people will do to be 20 again??
    So precious. Please do me a favour, go out more, work hard, save and just live.
    Your 20years old self should not be worried about boys let alone relationships let alone online dating lol.
    You have the answer, you have the choice…. Life is a journey. Consequences for all decisions.

    You are 20…. live, love and laugh with real people not online only lol. x

  38. Bev

    June 15, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    My dear girl, run for ya life! He will scam you. He is one of those nigerian guys who reads ladies profiles. He immediately saw you are based here, so he’s going to emotionally attach himself to you. Immediately I got to the States and updated my profile on facebook, boy,come and see lovers from every angle. They keep asking me citizenship. I told one outrighly that I knew his game, he got angry and came back. Some will boldly tell you that now that you are not in Nigeria, they will be the one to visit you,if he hasn’t told you this, wait, he will. I get them everyday.They see you as a passport and visa to the US. You are young, why saddle yourself with a distance, relationship that’s not even real? Don’t be emotionally fooled o. Before you know it, you will be talking business, or you will be sending him money. Run,run!

  39. Vidavi

    June 16, 2015 at 12:09 am

    Girl…God gave women intuition for a reason. If something doesn’t sit right with you, it’s probably not right. The fact that you’re asking this question is your answer.

  40. JK

    June 16, 2015 at 8:00 am

    My advice is that you should carefully read through all the comments and digest. Everyone here has expressed nothing but the Plain Truth that u know already but don’t want to embrace.
    Nobody is saying you should not date at your age but getting your priorities right at this stage of your life is crucial.
    Young adults are crazy about doing things their ways…we older ones know this because we have been there but no matter how in control you may think you can be, never discard any bit of advise from elderly ones.
    Talking relationships, how you meet matters my dear and that is one of the factors that will determine the future of your relationship together. The foundation of your relationship will definitely speak at some point.
    True love is very rare these days not because people do not care about love but because there are just too many distractions, issues and challenges in the life ofmany.
    Some are desperate for some particular class of people because of poverty and some due to greed…but it will do no one any good to fall victim/prey to these desperados… the end result can be very brutal and damaging!
    During my university days, one short babe was head bent on dating tall guys only because she doesn’t want to end up being married to a short guy..I remember her telling me that it is a serious issue in her house because she comes from a large family and her parents and siblings are all short! A particular tall guy she dated ‘by all means’ eventually gave her serious humiliation that almost damaged her personality for life.She is based in Europe now and married to a not so tall guy but her children’s growth is just amazing! Her first child is taller than her at age 11! And definitely they are all going to be tall kids- This experience has so humbled her and she talks about it to everyone.
    It is unfortunate how some people disregard danger signs for silly reasons.
    I have seen a lot in life likewise many here…we need not be desperate and careless with our lives no matter the situation because what works for A may backfire if B tries it…and according to a Yoruba Sayin ‘don’t bother about the aroma of that delicacy you do not want to eat’
    Mizz Z do away with this guy now before he grabs you where you can’t imagine…He may start doing you some favors and may even visit you or relocate just to achieve his intent. One word for the wise is enough.

  41. Bosola

    June 16, 2015 at 9:58 am

    it is too early to tell, but i will advice you to trust your intuition… i think that is what he wants you for, but doesn’t know how to go about it yet, he may even be a yahoo boy, so be careful.

  42. fga

    June 16, 2015 at 11:46 am

    All these comments sef. As if Nigerian women follow men for their good intentions alone. If they are not using coded questions to find out where you work, where the man lives or what he drives or his spending patterns, its finding out his family background and other things all in a bid to find Mr. Right with the Right Bank Account and connections etc. etc. What is good for the goose is good for the gander as well biko. If a babe has nothing to offer why should she be looking out for material assets and calculating a man’s financial prospects? I remember my days of driving poor man’s Japanese cars, when women denied a young man tire, when things went German it was as if my life took on new meaning and I changed to someone else overnight. I’m not supporting the young man’s game but Nigerian women are no saints either. Everyone’s looking for an upgrade, at least let both parties have something to offer each other.

  43. Jhennique

    June 16, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    trust your instincts

  44. Liz

    July 7, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    Trust your gut honey!

  45. iambae

    November 23, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    baby gel..Do not waste ya time. He wants you for your citizenship status. i was talking to this guy i met who lives in Nigeria and i don’t, and things were starting to get serious, i told him i would want to relocate to Nigeria eventually just to get his idea on relocating abroad. he seemed really contented to want to have his family in Nigeria. That checked, but due to other circumstances, things just didn’t work out. but i was sure he didn’t want me for my citizenship.

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