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Busola Adedire: About Long Distance Relationships

Busola Adedire

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I believe I have earned my bragging rights to talk about long distance relationships and if you are someone like me who craves meaning and deep connection, it is not a bad thing to try. However, with my limited experience I will only recommend it with caution. The heart is very tricky as it will have you believing the best of situations when it comes to love, but I believe it is best to balance out emotions with logic, practicality, and sustainability. One thing I struggle with though, is the accurate definition of a long distance relationship. Can we say Yemi who lives about 2 hours away from Le Boo is in a long distance relationship? If you asked me, I would not categorise a relationship between two people living 1 or 2 hours apart as long distance, maybe 3 hours and above can make the mark i.e Lagos to Abuja, London to Cardiff, Birmingham to Swansea, Nigeria to U.K, U.K to America, U.K to Australia e.t.c. I’ll let you be the judge of that. I think those involved in relationships spanning across multiple time zones are the realest MVPs.

To jump right at the cliché that says ‘long distance relationships do not work’ is simply an overgeneralisation as there are ‘few’ exceptions to the rule. Looking at those exceptions, you will notice one key ingredient, ‘Commitment’. Those who make it, do because they have a tunnel vision and are committed to making it work. I could preach commitment from today till tomorrow but you and I know that only a few people get what commitment really is. In this generation of side chics and side men, you actually begin to wonder what use a long distance relationship is, in the absence of 100 percent faithfulness. I think it works better for those who were forced into the situation (school or work purposes) but have spent some time together at the initial stage of the relationship, and those who have a predefined or set time frame for the length of their relationship. I would not advice anyone to go into a long distance relationship with a mindset of ‘let’s see how it goes’. Go hard or go home.

Though, most reports suggest that long distance relationships are headed for doom but there are some wonderful privileges attached to it. A long distance relationship teaches you self-control. Self-control is one of the most beautiful gifts anyone can possess and there is a quote that says ‘If you can master self-control, you can master anything’. We all know that the temptation is real when you have two people close together, so if you are looking for a way to be chaste; this is your easiest option. It also builds friendship and emotional connection. All the old school people will agree with me that constant communication creates a strong bond because you don’t really have that choice of doing something different. For busy people, free spirits and those who like compartmentalized living, I also see it as a safe option that complements their lifestyle.

Now let’s tell ourselves the dark and scary part of long distance relationships. It creates an illusion of love. It is an illusion because it is harder to love someone you see constantly than it is to love someone who lives miles apart from you. This is where people miss out on the signs and red flags, because flaws can easily be masked in a long distance relationship. I am a believer that love is a journey, and you cannot arrive at your destination if you don’t know what it means to love someone flaws and all. Secondly, ‘love’ does not conquer all. You can love someone from the moon and back and they can still be all shades of wrong for you. In the case of a long distance relationship, you need to think, SUSTAINABILITY!

If you are a jealous lover, I hate to break this news to you… a long distance relationship is not your calling, because Le Boo will definitely be spending a lot of time with other people, hotties included. Think again, sustainability! To be a honest, anyone who is really committed to you will not give you reasons to doubt them. If you find yourself constantly battling with trust and insecurities in the relationship, you are better off without it.

Lastly, you need money! Please, don’t try a long distance relationship without thinking about its economic/financial implications. If you are a ‘garri and groundnut student’, my sister/brother ain’t no shame in your game. Don’t go bankrupt because of bus, train or flight tickets. Don’t worry, in God’s time, he’d sort you out… but in the meantime, swallow your pride and cut your coat according to your cloth! Ultimately, I believe long distance relationships are not applicable to everybody. If you are considering one, make sure you know yourself inside out and you are truly convinced that the other person is worth the stress.

Please do share your opinion about long distance relationships: the good, the bad and its ugly sides.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

99 Comments

  1. Ibinabo

    July 6, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Second thoughts…

    • Wee

      July 7, 2015 at 5:35 am

      I am a proud graduate of LDR :)) . We went to Uni together in Nigeria and were friends for 5 months before he left the country. We started dating in abstensia, got married 7 years later and now 9 years, we are blessed with a beautiful child. During this period I moved around 3 continents and we only saw each other twice but communicated 4-5 times daily, everyday for the entirety of our relation (except the few days when we were ‘fighting’ lol ) If I were given the choice again, I would not get into a LDR. It’s too stressful. Thankful we made it through.

    • red

      July 7, 2015 at 9:36 am

      awwwwwwwwww good for you dear. God bless your home and your family

  2. Aro

    July 6, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    haha! This article is for me . I’m currently in a long distance relationship . We started dating without seeing each other lol . We just met someone ‘ social media fingy’ then we kicked it up . Note : we haven’t met . We Skype every night basically after work and he calls . I call as well
    I’m in the UK . He is in nigeria
    We will finally be meeting ending of this month! We’ve been together since 6 months ‘ dating without seeing each other ‘ nothing of such but I have a positive feeling about this relationship . I’ haven’t cheated or any sorts. I’m not doing it for him but am doing it for myself ‘self control’
    I’m in love with him and I can’t wait to see him after several months of Skype, calls . Where did you drop your phone ? Where are you ? What are you wearing ? When are you done from work ‘? Lol. I will come back to gist you all about the meeting . Lol

    • chichi

      July 6, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      Aww, you sound so excited..Wish you two the very best 🙂
      This is a lovely piece Busola. Thanks

    • Seriously

      July 7, 2015 at 2:15 am

      Lol… Long distance could be fun especially the anticipation. But I personally can’t do it. I don’t like to talk that much on the phone and I hate social media. All of my relationship has been in person. I barely communicate with my bf that I see almost everyday let alone long distance. I’m very impatient, and reserved. And trying to be sexy, lovey dovey thru the phone , skype, facebook is recipe of pissing me off bcos I’ll rather see you in person. Sometimes, if I haven’t seen my bf for a month bcos he traveled, or I’m super busy with school. He asks me, what are you wearing, send a pic to me, etc geez, I’m like just wait till you see me. So, I definitely can’t handle dating someone I haven’t seen at all. I’m very visual, so I like to connect and have an idea of who I’m talking, laughing with. All those take a pic of your head, side angle, while u are sleeping, when you shower, etc will annoy the crap out of me.
      Now, I understand if you both started off by meeting in person but life took you guys apart. At least, you both established smth. And I’m frugal, so spending money on flights will become a concern for me.

    • Nana

      July 7, 2015 at 3:40 am

      Wooow,I guess I’m not the only one. I’m in Germany and he just moved from UK to ghana after his masters. We have never met before but we were introduced through my cousin and his sister. We have been dating for almost 9 months. He bought me a ticket for vacation to Ghana. Will be travel tomorrow(as in 4hours). i cant sleep.I’m so nervous but I have a great feeling about this. We talk like 3 times everyday and I have spoken to his mum and sister meh has also spoken to my parents. I’m so nervous

    • Windnoni

      August 19, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      I am in the same boat. He is in SA and I am in the US. We have been dating for 1 year and I am seeing him in December. He is buying my ticket and everything. How did it go? I am curious and Nervous at the same time.

    • Lisa

      July 7, 2015 at 5:06 am

      I can totally relate..:-)

  3. Prmx

    July 6, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Truth is, i NEVER envisaged being in a long distance relationship cos i am overly ”babyish” and i like the special one to always be within reach but love happened. I don’t even know how i got into this rlshp funny enough lol I and the boo were introduced by a mutual friend but immediately she told me he wasn’t based in Lagos,i just said ,oh well he can always be my friend cos i liked talking to him. Six months down the line ,i was already in too deep and the funny thing is,countless guys have asked me out here but there was always something i wanted to feel that wasn’t there. My couz and most of my friends gave up on me that i was being too selective ,some even said i was possessed cos some of the guys were every ladies dream so ididn’t now understand how i could fall for someone so far away. Oh well,its NOT been easy i must confess…sometimes,i miss him so much ,i cry. Not to mention how much i now spend on flight tickets(story for another day),he offers to pay at times but the financial implication isn’t for babies. Guess you must decide if the person is worth all the stress and if what you have is special enough and worth all the sacrifices.

  4. YINKA DANIEL

    July 6, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    hmmmmmmm.may GOD help those of us involved in it out!AMEN!!!

    • Melanin

      July 6, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Amen oh!……. Ahn Ahn you sha had to mention “Jealous lover” sha. Lol! So help me GOD!

  5. kay

    July 6, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    like u said…its not for everyone!!! Been dating my girlfriend for over a year…its working for very fine for us…its good to miss the people you love…lets admit! haven’t seen her in 4 months…and shes coming over this weekend to visit…i feel all dem butterflies in my belly already…lol! Plus i must agree with you…a lot of money is needed in this kinda relationship…only us here will truly understand…heheee!

  6. nwa papa

    July 6, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Long distance relationship for me is a No GO area, been burnt and I am not going to suggest nor recommend to anyone that I know.. Just being real, not worth the emotional roller coaster.. Long distance in my opinion has a way of killing a relationship, there are just certain emotions that cannot be conveyed via, phone, bbm, whatsapp, bbm etc.
    I know people will say love conquers, shit that’s what I thought until I got burnt in a long distance relationship. So that being said, love doesn’t conquer all when it comes to long distance relationships.

  7. Queen of Everything

    July 6, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    haha! 2 years strong in the game: NY-London
    with different time zones (5 hours) it is even more difficult: he’s still asleep when I wake up, it’s lunchtime for me when he’s on his way to work, it’s lunch time for him when I’m leaving work and it’s bedtime for me when he’s done for the day!
    It is not easy, you have to know what you are signing up for, you need to know the one you’re with and trust them and you have to be pretty confident and mature.
    We make it work though, we check in with each other at every point throughout the day, if something funny happens we share it immediately, something negative the same goes. Being reachable is key, honesty and openness is also very important. Thank God for FaceTime and Whatsapp, I am a big beneficiary lol
    it is also not cheap, we see each other at least quarterly with plane tickets being what they are and taking time off work, planning accommodation and trips within that short time…

    It is not for the fainthearted, if you are insecure: don’t bother. if you don’t trust him/her: don’t even think about it. If you are not happy being accountable to someone: the same applies.

    With that said, you also have to ask the difficult questions. you must have a plan because you cannot carry on indefinitely. draw time lines, make plans for the future and work towards it.

    I would also add that it helps foster a deeper and more meaningful relationship because in the absence of the physical stuff you are forced to be inventive in ways to keep your relationship stronger.

    Apologies for the long epistle but you know what they say, he who wears the shoes knows best where it pinches. 🙂

    • biebee

      July 6, 2015 at 5:36 pm

      we are both is same shoes,same location as yours too haha lol

    • chichi

      July 6, 2015 at 5:41 pm

      long epistle? psh..loved everything you had to say. Thanks.

    • LDR Queen

      July 6, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      Sounds just like me and my boo! US/Naija…won’t even count the years we’ve been doing this, but like you said, WE MAKE IT WORK! Tunnel vision and commitment to our end goal, has kept us going for this long. LDR’s work, as long as you’re with your “right one”.

    • Liz

      July 9, 2015 at 11:59 am

      Lol, 20Months in UK-Houston!!!Hmmm I definitely agree with you

  8. Brenda

    July 6, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    I smiled when I saw this…. well i was in one for four years and we got married this May and now am in Minneapolis with my husband.
    It takes a lot of courage to be in a long distance relationship yes its expensive to Skype everyday for more than five hours , it takes a lot of patience, discipline, faithfulness and understanding and may i add strength.
    the other day we were checking how many messages we both had on face book before we got married almost 1000!!! it was fun,
    It works if both individuals commit to the relationship we hadn’t seen each other for 28 years and he found me on Facebook and as time went by he proposed and immediately we both started saving for travel I was the first to fly to the US last December 2014 for 14 days we held each other and just sobbed at the airport!!! within that visit i met his entire family and his parents gave their blessings for us to go ahead with our wedding plans. so i flew back and started with planning our wedding- it was beautiful…
    i resigned from work and in April He flew to Zambia for our wedding on 2 May 2015 and we flew back together….
    so yes it works, God is ever so good! this is my story 🙂

    • Debee!

      July 6, 2015 at 11:14 pm

      Aww! I love your story,God bless your home.

  9. Just a Girl

    July 6, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    @Queen of Everything, you took the words right out of my mouth. Been in a LDR for 4 years now DC – Lagos and the bond between us is priceless. It’s not all rosy because there are those days where you just want a hug/physical connection but you are on your own and just have to hug your pillow or look forward to the next visit. It really isn’t for the faint of heart and you definitely have to know what the end goal is. I can’t even begin to try to calculate how much we have both spent individually on travels and communication. We are getting married next year and saying goodbye to the time zone troubles soon enough. The most important things are TRUST and COMMUNICATION.

    • red

      July 7, 2015 at 9:41 am

      lol….what will we not give acronyms to? LDR again??heheheheheh

  10. Anonymous

    July 6, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    But how do you love the other in a long distance relationship when you can’t even love yourself…dats my situation….I need to talk to sum1 unfortunately psychotherapy doesn’t work here*sighs*. am I abnormal?

    • nkayy

      July 6, 2015 at 9:28 pm

      If you can’t long yourself, you don’t get a relationship right now. Get to know yourself, see if what you don’t love about can be changed. If yes, gradually work toward that change, if no still gradually accept them. you need to love YOU to love another.

    • nkayy

      July 6, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      love

    • Miss

      July 7, 2015 at 12:23 am

      Hi. I was tempted to write my email here so you can talk to me if u want to but i’d rather not. lemme just put this out there just in case someone else feels the same way. I’m particularly drawn to your comment because I’ve been exactly where u r now.
      1: you have realized you don’t love yourself ENOUGH.
      2: Free yourself of any hurt, baggage and disappointment you must have felt or still feel (I started this journey after a horrible breakup and months of ‘killing’ myself and indulging in bad habits).. this freedom is really important if you want this to work.
      3: what’s your talent? what do u love doing? find it and keep doing it! put all the time in the world to do this.. get better at it (for me i put all my time into a business infact make that 3 businesses, so u see i was very busy and barely had time to think of someone else other than ME and my way forward)
      4: over time, you would start to appreciate this talent of urs and u’ll realize u r useful afterall.
      5: Not being materialistic but I spoil myself a lot!!! unfortunately most of my friends are not really givers like i am so I don’t expect anything from them esp gifts so before i started earning my money, i would save (from pocket money) to buy something i know would really make me happy .
      (mind u i was not in any relationship all through this self-discovery time)
      6: Once u start making urself happy without any external input from anyone u would suddenly realize you dont need an extra individual to make u happy !!
      7: Travel if you can, start a journal if u want to, make friends for the fun of it, you are free to even crush on people!!! but make sure that no matter what, your focus should be on You and ur God!! ..
      truth is after embarking on this journey u would eventually notice that u finally have that space in ur selfish heart (because uve been loving urself) to love someone else, someone new…

      I did all these after i realized i was on the edge of self destruction because of a stupid hearbreak and i’m happy to say 2 years later I’m in a wonderful long distance relationship dishing out all the love and commitment i can give without forgetting to love me first!!! Selah. :*

  11. swizzle

    July 6, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Mine is two months old. Known her for more than three years though. We shall probably be seeing once in a year bcos I am not in the country (Nigeria). Is she worth it? YES. Am I enjoying it? NO. Does it have its days? YES. Have I been faithful so far? YES. Having a timeline of events in your head is very important in a LDR. You cannot be in it forever. You should know how long you evisage the situation would be like that and also let your partner know your plans so you two can be on the same page. Overrall I am rooting for us 🙂

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      July 7, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Awwww.. I am rooting for you guys too 🙂

  12. chy

    July 6, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    long distance relationship is sweet and at the same time not funny especially when u need some cuddling this rainy days.i m in a long distance relationship,i m havin fun and i love it.i dnt need someone closer to be monitoring my movement like ode.

  13. Chizzy

    July 6, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Dnt have problems with keeping up with all dis ish cos i love him buh thing is…lets ve a plan at least. Lemme knw whr th r/ship is heading to buh he keeps saying he has good plan for us…like u ve said, d heart is very tricky… I wudnt like to get hurt or hurt anyone after all dis stress involed

    • Miss

      July 7, 2015 at 12:26 am

      all this “i have good plans for us” doesn’t answer the question. my dear the earlier u know the plans the better for both of u. so u better put ur foot down and ask what exactly the plans are.. and just pray he’s not lying about them too.

  14. The real D

    July 6, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    I started officially dating my hubby few months before i left the country. No set time or anything. The only thing we both agreed we needed was commitment. We did long distance “dating” for 7years. Another 2 years after marriage (Lagos – Mountain time zone ). It was not easy and there was no Skype then. We would keep vigils on so many nights. Enough yahoo and msn chatts. I totally agree though, it is not for every one. But I am a living testament that it can work.

  15. spicy

    July 6, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    I will definitely not recommend Ldr based on my own experience…so far I’ve been with my guy for 7 years and the past 2 years has been Ldr. Right now it’s looking like we won’t make it…communication is down to zero, the fights we used to have back then that could be ended by a smile and a hug, now that the physical closeness is no longer present, we fight like cats and dogs. We talk on Skype, phone and WhatsApp all the time but it’s just not the same as things are easily misconstrued when the communication is not in person e.g tone of your voice, other party not actively listening etc. Saying we are both tired is an understatement but we just seem to be dragging it out for the sake of it. Trust is a massive issue and I won’t lie i was at fault on that one but I was just acting out from frustration. Anyways it’s definitely not for the fainthearted so I advise people to think very deeply before attempting it especially if it’s a brand new relationship… I’m not saying it won’t work but it’s tough as hell! Pray for us ya’all lol

    • Nwa papa

      July 6, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Once trust is broken in any relationship it’s a tough one to come back from, talk less of in a long distance relationship.. Goodluck to you guys!

  16. Elsmama

    July 6, 2015 at 8:32 pm

    Myself and now hubby met in Uni and dated for a couple of years he graduated before me and left the country and it was not easy, i had loads of admirers and a lot would tell me do you know what he is up to over there? Etc we had our fair share of break ups and make ups over the years but hey Love overcame after 3 and half years of long distance dating we got married then started married life living even further apart for the better part of the first year. So LDR works for some ppl just keep an open mind

  17. Thisgalsha

    July 6, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    LDR … hmmn ,, Its definitely not for the faint-hearted..In my own case… Ex was the beginning and the the end of it.. He gingered the oooh babe lets do it.. we can do it… few months later he removed himself from the equation.. he just could not do it again….Still like magic till date… Its all about commitment and self control.. Sadly some people cannot afford that.. seems like the most expensive shit out there after loyalty.. Funnily it works for others,

  18. nkayy

    July 6, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship for 4 1/2 years, we skipped and all but when i finally spent 1 year with him back in Nigeria. i found out he was the opposite, I ended it because it was best. if i had been in Nigeria all those while, the relationship wouldn’t last 1 year.
    It works for some but didn’t work for me, all the time and emotion we invested. Dude’s sweet mouth can serve the world.

    • nkayy

      July 7, 2015 at 12:06 am

      skyped

  19. tamales

    July 6, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    I never thought I could be in a LDR but love proved me wrong. Boston to Manchester relationship for 3 years. Everyone thought I was crazy,LDR isn’t for kids o, phone bills and airline tickets drained our accounts. But thank God it worked out. We’ve been married for 4years now with 2 kids.

  20. realist

    July 6, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Do not be deceived friends

    The heart is deceptive. The heart longs for what it can’t have. You tend to miss the guy/girl who is not readily available; who doesn’t call everytime; who you don’t see everytime….

    In as much as you long for this person and the you tend to need/want the person badly, you need to be aware of the trick it is playing on you.

    You are not privy to the person’s character, behaviour, attitude from a close point of view. Many who do LDR in most cases find it very hard blending with each other in the physical. Both parties would realize they can communicate well in chatting/calls but when it comes to expressing themselves to the other party in the physical, it becomes a problem.

    The way a relationship starts determines the flow and foundation it is built on. Closeness, body contact, a partner feeling the other in encroaching into his/ her place, are issues that would come up later.

    Adult wise, there may be some challenges as well in marriage, which i don’t wanna go into

    In conclusion, it has been found out that majority of those who engage in online dating & long distance dating have personality and acceptance issues.

    Many can’t go out to the dating world and give it what it takes. If you are a person that loves LDR, what will happen to you after marriage that you two will be together? Or LDR will translate to long distance marriage?

    After marriage, you start getting bored and tired, d love and affection dies cos there is nothing to long for again. What you were longing for is now here with you. Irritation sets in, feeling of going apart in order to love your partner sets in……

    Finally , not all LDR are true. Some are using others to mark time, some for economic gains (if he marries me now i will go meet him abroad and i will leave this country kinda mentality) some for complex/status issues (my bf is abroad-i cant date all this local guys. If that is you, you have an inferiority complex for a guy abroad to validate you)

    Suddenly most girls dey date a guy abroad, I no pity you at all. After 15years of waiting, (alongside other babes) and he comes home with someone else, na for where u wan take start? All the handsome bobos for Lagos n Abuja don toast u finish, leave u marry with 4kids na u still dey wait for Americana, OYO

    Wisdom is profitable to direct. Curse him all u like, na u no use your brain o

    I talk finish

    • LDR works#

      July 7, 2015 at 12:35 am

      I did not want to dignify your comment with a response but I just thought I should represent those who were in LDR for years and are now happily married to their long distance sweetheart. I also felt I should debunk some ‘statements’ you made to encourage those who are now in a LDR.

      Except you are talking from your own personal unhappy experience, don’t spew this sort of opinion again. When I was still courting my husband, everything you said is what naysayers were telling me and thank goodness I turned a deaf ear to them. If I listened, I don’t think I’d be this happy in life maritally as I am now.

      I can write an epistle on what my LDR or permit me to say LDC, Long Distance Courtship ( I say courtship because from the get go, my husband and I knew we were getting married. I remember him telling me over the phone, ‘*** I can tell that God is laying it in my heart that you are my wife, please pray and let Him confirm to you too”) taught me but I don’t want to reel out stories.

      FIRST STATEMENT
      “You are not privy to the person’s character, behaviour, attitude from a close point of view. Many who do LDR in most cases find it very hard blending with each other in the physical. Both parties would realize they can communicate well in chatting/calls but when it comes to expressing themselves to the other party in the physical, it becomes a problem.”

      RESPONSE
      This was what one of my friends said, and i tell you it was quite discouraging. BUT I realised, marriage is a learning process, you can never ‘know person finish’. In a normal LDR, you are constantly communicating via video calls. You can utilise this in knowing some of the person’s character. Through Skype, i found out my husband snores VERY loudly, when we got married it wasn’t an issue, i already got used to it. Through Skype, my husband found out I have short attention span. So many other issues and we dealt with them by COMMUNICATING. Now that we are married, that same ‘talk talk’ is how we sort our issues out and COMMUNICATION in marriage is extremely important.

      SECOND STATEMENT
      The way a relationship starts determines the flow and foundation it is built on. Closeness, body contact, a partner feeling the other in encroaching into his/ her place, are issues that would come up later.

      RESPONSE
      These are not issues that would come up later, infact the bond that distance creates, I can’t describe with words. There are more important issues, like RELOCATION issues that will pop up. Having to resign your job to join your husband or wife as the case may be. Getting used to a new environment; finding a new job, having to stay home while your spouse works and you are still figuring out a career path in your new country. My dear, those are REAL issues.

      Lemme stop here before I start another article of my own.

    • Reaslist

      July 7, 2015 at 8:23 am

      LDR WORKS

      My friend, if yours worked, good for you.
      I am entitled to my opinion so also are you. You have no right to come tell me “not to spew this kind of opinion again”

      Silly people like you will hide behind the computers, read articles and not drop any comment. When someone does, you come attacking like an animal who has been devoid food for 25years.

      Can i tell you the main thing, your response is so watery. You knew what you wanted from the start many of these people dont even know where the thing is heading for.

      Thank God for internet, if i were to reach you i for give you LDR slaps and knocks make your brain reset.

      Ignorant, brain washed, married woman

    • Oned

      July 7, 2015 at 9:19 am

      God bless you immenselyfor this comment. I would love to pick your brain, do you mind if I contact you? Email, IM. (You can delete as soon as you post, I’d watch out for it.)

    • LDR works

      July 7, 2015 at 9:39 pm

      The realist. Of course you are entitled to your opinion and i totally respect that. If my comment on your opinion was disrespectful, apologies. However using the term ‘ignorant, brain washed married woman’ was totally uncalled for. You can make your point without being brash.

    • Realist

      July 8, 2015 at 8:27 am

      Apologies to you too. Your comment brought that out.
      Sorry

    • All good

      July 8, 2015 at 10:07 am

      I was quite disturbed with the exchange of comments between both of you but I am happy it ended on a good note with the apologies. That goes to show your level of maturity. The truth is LDR has worked for a lot and hasn’t for others. We all have our stories and it’s a good thing we can share our experiences on here. I pray we all find happiness in the end. God bless!

  21. Emperoh

    July 6, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Hmmm………..So a mutual friend introduced me to her. This was done 1st of February this year. By the 21st, i flew to Lagos to see her for the first time (Abj – Lagos). Since then we got talking and all. She speaks less and can be quite busy for the bbm. I just knew i had stuff on my hands. Since then, it’s been a visit to Lagos at least once a month, except in April. Because there was no previous knowledge about each other until we met, and based on what only friends say to her about me, she seem a bit skeptical and always kept saying she wasn’t cut for it.

    I am not sure if i have convinced her, seems like she is coming round. I am not really liking it, but i kinda made up my mind on it and want it to work. I am also not too clear where she stands, but when she visits this month, we will speak to sort these out. The cost of air tickets is also something that anyone needs to think of. I had to cut back on some savings to be able to have this fly. So far so good, but i fear i might back out if we don’t agree on specific timelines when to get to the next level or quit.

    • realist

      July 6, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      Bros ye, I pity you.

      1. She speaks less and can be quite busy for the bbm. Hahaha. Has anyone been so busy for a true friend not to talk of boyfriend?

      Many a times, we see fire on ground jejeje, we go go put hand inside. She dey Sss wey dey guard buhari wife? Even those ones get time for their bf/hubby. Don’t be deceived.

      2. She seem a bit skeptical and always kept saying she wasn’t cut for it. Wetin u wan hear again? Anyways since she will come around this time around, this will be the game changer n decider.

      Abj guy wan date Lagos babe?
      Omo dat one na die o
      Lagos babes don open eye pass abj guys & babes o.

      U sef wet in u dey find? See fine fine mammy water clean girls all over abuja? U wan do cross country? U better do wetin u fit carry and don’t carry wahala ontop your your head.

    • Emperoh

      July 7, 2015 at 10:03 am

      Lol. . . . .Thanks mate. You know, sometimes na we dey use hand enter wahala. But i feel you. I get time frame. If e no blend, me don port. Option 2 and 3 and 4 dey kwa! lol.

    • Bliss

      July 7, 2015 at 10:30 am

      @Emperoh..stop wasting ur time on her am single and ready for a steady relationship……..

    • Truetalk

      July 7, 2015 at 5:19 pm

      @Emperoh &Bliss.. U guys should just hook up and make it work.. U know it wld be nice to ve bellanaija comment couple…just a weird thot…

    • Dija

      July 7, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      @bliss that’s a bold one and straight to d point good luck ..,lol

    • GlassHouse

      July 7, 2015 at 7:43 pm

      @emperoh I think true talk is rite..lol no need to waste time that babe no dey interested…my 2 cent..all d best!!

    • Golddigga

      July 8, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      Bros, u be learner..February, March, April, May, June, July and she is yet to make up her mind..Abeg use speed boat..

  22. zirah

    July 6, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    We are waiting . all the best darling.

  23. Oyinlola

    July 6, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship with my ex and he cheated. The funny thing is that the girl he got together with (they are now dating), they met at the dentist where He went to fix his teeth cos he was coming to the UK to see me. The lies started and because I wasn’t in Nigeria, cheating was easy. We had each other’s facebook, emails and other social media accounts passwords as forms of accountability to one another but there’s whatsapp and bbm.
    When they started dating, he was telling so much lies but because I trusted him, I kept on believing them. Friends told me the stories weren’t sounding right but I didn’t Have any reason to doubt him, we were already planning a future together and I wanted it to work.
    Silly me, I stopped being friends with a lot of guys because I didn’t want anybody to confuse me, I was so dedicated that now I look back and think I was too stupid.
    The koko of my long epistle is that long distance works for some people but it takes a lot of dedication and if you’re not ready to be committed, just get out. don’t put your partner through the trauma of finding out you’ve been having fun without him/her. It destroys if you’re not careful.
    To all those with the success stories, congratulations. To people like me who’s been bitten, Pele oh. Will I try it again, YES I will. Life is too short to close yourself up cos someone didn’t know your worth

  24. samchizzy

    July 6, 2015 at 10:32 pm

    mine was 2yrs old it all started well but at the long run after she secured admission the cat was let out of the bag, it was obvious that I wasn’t in possession of her even when she tries to convince me I was faithful but I can’t define what we had, my heart was let to bled eventually, it takes a lot of courage to be in Ldr xpecially wen u have full understanding of yourselves.

  25. Ogochukwu

    July 6, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Am in a long distant relationship, but we work to meet each other about once in two months. It’s been almost a year since we officially started the relationship, but I find four things very very key.
    1. Talk, talk, talk, about every damn thing, communication is so key.
    2.Without trust, you can’t go far in any relationship, and the level of trust required for a LDR is even higher.
    3. Take activities together in the distance, Pray together read and review books, watch movies,…I even do contests sometimes. Set goals and make plans together.
    4. Surprise each other, I still send handwritten letters, little and thoughtful gift sometimes.
    5. Stay true to your commitment, you will see other people around that look better,richer, smarter, but not all that glitters is gold.
    It is definitely not an easy path, but if you are with the right person, it is definitely worth it

  26. Just4me

    July 6, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    Touching comments & really heart warming! I am in one presently & its bin 2yrs! Already being pressured by my mom + Dad’s just looking at me like father’s do. Painfully, I haven’t seen him in a year plus & kindda doubt if I would see him this yr. Gosh! It’s so tough, sometimes I want 2 regret, other times I think of how amazing he is & makes me feel. Lord have mercy!!!

  27. Clara

    July 6, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    Been in a ldr for the last 1.5 years, Belgium-Czech republic at the mo , it’s like we’re chasing each other round Europe lol! It is really hard, and I have cried so many tears (today for example at the airport in Prague as I left), but we are fully committed to each other, we talk every day and throughout the day, thanks to whatsapp and skype and even use phones when necessary (thank god for the EU mobile charges reforms!). And most of all we are both working very hard to change things. In spite of the sadness sometimes I wouldn’t change my lovely bf for all the gold in the world, so yes it can work, but trust and communication are key!
    laviedeclarao.blogspot.be/?m=1

    • Abena

      July 7, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      HUH???You kidding right?how do you date for 15ys?thats somebody’s marriage lifespan.Some of you try ooo.Hian

    • southerbelle

      July 8, 2015 at 12:26 pm

      Abena Abena she said 1.5 yrs

  28. realist

    July 6, 2015 at 11:25 pm

    Bros ye, I pity you.

    1. She speaks less and can be quite busy for the bbm. Hahaha. Has anyone been so busy for a true friend not to talk of boyfriend?

    Many a times, we see fire on ground jejeje, we go go put hand inside. She dey Sss wey dey guard buhari wife? Even those ones get time for their bf/hubby. Don’t be deceived.

    2. She seem a bit skeptical and always kept saying she wasn’t cut for it. Wetin u wan hear again? Anyways since she will come around this time around, this will be the game changer n decider.

    Abj guy wan date Lagos babe?
    Omo dat one na die o
    Lagos babes don open eye pass abj guys & babes o.

    U sef wet in u dey find? See fine fine mammy water clean girls all over abuja? U wan do cross country? U better do wetin u fit carry and don’t carry wahala ontop your your head.

  29. bonnie

    July 6, 2015 at 11:28 pm

    It’s really not easy…. Avnt seen bobo in d last 3months buh e is really worth waiting 4. E did sumfin crazy last week, sent a hand written letter al dah way frm abj-ilorin where I serve… D financial aspect nko? Dahz a topic 4 anoda buh am really njyin it.

  30. dami

    July 7, 2015 at 12:35 am

    Long distance marriage is not fun, especially when there are children. I am too unhappy to type a long comment. I just pray for this distance to be over soon.

    • Oyinlola

      July 7, 2015 at 7:52 am

      Awww, Dami I pray it’s over soon. I can’t say I know how you feel cos I’m not married neither do I have kids but I’ve been in a LDR so I can explain the missing part. My parents were in a LD marriage for a while and I remember they spent most of their free time on phone, even during the night (xtracool served them well). I think you should make adjustments that’ll make you guys tallk regularly. Skype, whatsapp, bbm audio and video calls. I know it’s tiring but keep holding on dear. Ehugs darling

  31. veeee

    July 7, 2015 at 9:21 am

    for me it was not a good experience..it plays with your mind emotionally and physically…finally i visited after 2yrs and it was definitely not worth the wait..the heart is indeed tricky

  32. maromec

    July 7, 2015 at 9:27 am

    How do people date for 15years?

  33. Alake

    July 7, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Hmm. I was in a 10 weeks LDR (Nigeria-Yankee)…n it was magical while it lasted. The adrenaline was superb! We constantly on d phone, bbm, video calls, 1st n last person I’d talk to in a day. We had never seen ourselves b4 but d flow was so real that we already had plans to get married n he was to come home for d 1st time ds August…unfortunately he just switched off at d mention of money on my birthday (men abroad n their stingy mentality)…that I still can’t believe a rltship ended bcos of that n suddenly d love vanished into thin air! Though I leant a lot in d LDR, never give ur all to sum1 u’ve not seen b4. Every1 wants d truth but not every1 can handle d truth…well if asked if I can try a LDR again, I’d say no…I’d rather ve u here than be misunderstood.

    • Is he your father

      July 7, 2015 at 9:55 am

      A good guy knows his gf/wife should be celebrated on special days like birthdays (and even at not so special days-ordinary days)

      Why do you have to mention money? Is he your father?

      Most BNers fail to believe many girls like you are out there. They claim they are independent, they don’t ask a guy for nothing, bla bla bla but we know 97% of the girls out there are. We see them every day.

      Have you ever sent him anything? Why must he send you money for your birthday? No he isnt stingy, you are a gold digger

      All they care about is money this, money that, changing of phones, clothes, shoes, bags, airtime,

    • southerbelle

      July 8, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      omo you go stingy oh chai

    • Maromec

      July 7, 2015 at 11:57 am

      10 weeks,then money for birthday
      Na wa oh
      Hoe we’re you celebrating your birthday before you guys met

  34. ANIKE

    July 7, 2015 at 11:30 am

    HMMMMMMM just started d LDR tingy..Nig/Germany,He has a son 4 a white woman,but dey r nt married,he was around 4 vacation,met his parents but i m rilly scared,i pray God help us

  35. Bamidele

    July 7, 2015 at 11:53 am

    Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stop laughing with all the comment have been reading so far the experience, the pain, the loneliness i can understand everybody but Long Distance relationship have it own advantage and disadvantage to me it not easily at all.
    I want to share my own experience too am also into a long distance relationship and it fun,stressful and it requires money like the editor and other people have commented i started my friendship with my girlfriend about 5year ago i traveled to India to study (4hr:30min) time difference from Nigeria for 1year that i was there it was tug of war like we had to stop the relationship sometime but as a man i appeal to her to give me time that am coming back to the country even after i came back to the country i work in Lagos she school in Abuja this is were sacrifice have to come in i had to travel to Abuja almost every two just for me to see her it not easy but we are coping all i can say is if you are in a Long Distance relationship you need 3 things;
    1)Commitment
    2)Trust
    3)You have to make Sacrifice
    If not it will be difficult and all in all Both of us believe in ourselve that is what keep us going.

  36. Maromec

    July 7, 2015 at 11:58 am

    How

    • southerbelle

      July 8, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      Maromec you be police? so so question

  37. Bae

    July 7, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Been in a LDR for 3yrs.. I must confess it is hard! We both started from London for the first 6months, then i had to move to NY for work – even harder cos of time difference! 1 and a half years later I move to Lagos.. Thank God we are still going strong though.. Both parties have to be determined to make it work.
    We are blessed so we ensure that we see each other every month (36 months worth of flight ticket!!!) Ko easy men.. It definitely costs too much especially because we like to spice things up so we try to visit different parts of the world not just where we live!
    Also TRUST is very important.. we have definitely had difficult times esp when we fight but we always make sure we talk about it and sort it out within days .. We plan to get married soon..

    It is only by the grace of God LDR’s last..Prayer and committment.. If it is meant to be, it will be..

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      July 7, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      chai! 36 months of flight tickets.. I refuse to calculate that money in pounds. You and ‘le boo’ are the realest MVPs!

  38. That Lady

    July 7, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    What happens when you’re in LDR with someone that doesn’t even want to put in the effort , im in Lagos and he’s in Abuja ,it really started off well but now he’s too busy to call or reply messages .What is the point ???

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      July 7, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      This post was written for people in similar situations to really think about their relationship. For LDR to work, it requires tremendous effort on both parts. Trust me when I say you cannot pull the weight alone. If you are not on the same page, it’s a waste of time.. You need to save yourself the energy.

    • southerbelle

      July 8, 2015 at 12:35 pm

      he found a new distraction

  39. Tell- Them

    July 7, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    I think LDR works if you both on the same page and want the same thing.

    Personally, I would not recommend it.

    Imagine in the horrible cold winter nights, you now be on facetime with a bobo in gidi saying “baby its so cold here. I wish you were here to hug me”. Heaven forbid bad thing -mo ko eya (I reject suffering) .. Omo lee boo you better be near me because I dislike electric blankets and heaters.. I LOVE body heat..

  40. Chi

    July 7, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    how about a ldr btw 2 pple in the same town. bae and i are both in abj but see each oda once a month. N/B : totally his fault, not mine….

  41. Lyrics

    July 7, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    I’m in a long distance relationship – I’m on the island and he’s on the mainland 🙁

  42. Person

    July 7, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Olorun maje! Been there, burnt to ashes, and I have soul scars to prove it. NEVER EVER AGAIN! The first one, I was 18 when I started. Lagos to London. Omo, 7 years went by, no shishi. The disappearing act was second to none before I finally figured out ‘ara iluoyinbo’ is not coming back o! Second one, Lagos-Okinawa/Honolulu, shiii. This one was the hardest. I loved this man. Loved him. What did I get? *unlooking* Third one, one I was the one abroad this time and he was in Lagos (not mentioning the city before ALL my friends figure out who I am. LOL). That one too, his insecurity almost ruined my life. Laye laye! Not EVER happening again. To those of you it worked for, yall are the real MVPs. You and your SOs deserve an award.

  43. tobi

    July 7, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I have been in along distance marraige now cus of my husbands job,mehn it’s not been easy,i haven’t seen him since april and to make things worse,he’s in a place where you can’t just travel to anyhow.either by road or air.let me not say too much before some people will detect who I am,lol. Oh how I miss my husband.my love to all the women out there whose husband’s are fighting this war against boko haram. May God continue to protect them. Amen

  44. dude

    July 7, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    Shet. You tried

  45. Angiee

    July 7, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    All well said. Am also currently in a so called LDR. This one is indeed frustrating. Lee boo always seem busy. Calls once in a while, hardly see him on any social media, can’t really stay on the phone for long with me and so on. We have known each other for 10yrs now but started dating last year. Most times I even feel like am not in a relationship cos there are times I will just want to talk but his so ‘busy’ & ‘lukewarm’ attitude will not allow that.

    I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, my thought rather is that he has this overblown confidence that now he totally has me, there is no need for more effort on his part. But seriously if care is not taken, very soon it will look like a dream to him cos I will just walk walahi. I just know why am still giving him some time.

  46. nana

    July 8, 2015 at 1:29 am

    So guys, i arrived in ghana like 6 hours ago. my cousins came to meet me at the airport. on our way home. one of my cousin said he had to stop to get food at restaurant. so we all got down. to my surprise they planned a surprise dinner for me to meet my boyfriend (we have been dating for 9 month an haven’t met each other) . i was so shocked i didn’t know what to say. we all sat down and had a great time. it wasnt awkward at all (well except in the begining) it was a perfect night. we all talked and laughed. it was kinda embarrassing to see my cousins interrogating him lol. but we all had fun.I will say it was worth the waiting. I cant wait for the rest of my vacation here. Even though I’m a bit nervous. (he isgoing to my uncle’s office tomorrow to talk to him and he is so scared lol)

  47. Ikechi

    July 8, 2015 at 7:29 am

    I have been away from bellanaija for too long (work things) that I have forgotten the name I always use to comment. so I will just go by Ikechi today.

    Ehen!!! LDR.

    “I think it works better for those who were forced into the situation (school or work purposes) but have spent some time together at the initial stage of the relationship, and those who have a predefined or set time frame for the length of their relationship.” This is me right here

    I agree with Busola….commitment is the keyword not forgetting communication

    Have been in it for 5 yrs now and have visited once and that was 3 yrs ago. We’ve been together for 8 years. So we were together 3 years before i travelled. and the wedding is in 5 months times. Our time difference is just 2 hours (he is ahead). Still working hard towards living in one country and town and hoping that it will happen before or just after the wedding. Most of you know how immigration things can be. God help us!!

    In my next life, I won’t go for LDR it puts the FUL in STRESS. Oh Yes!! Very STRESSFUL

  48. Lovergirl

    July 8, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Imagine when a guy you like thinks Island to mainland is long distance and refuses a rship with you bcos of that…………….LOL. Apparently he doesnt feel as much as i let myself feel. I didnt plan it. I didnt want myself being in love with someone who wasnt equally in love with me – again. But it happend. Now im stuck in this mess and it hurts! I just need to get him out of my head and move on with my life but why is that so difficult?

    • red

      July 8, 2015 at 12:22 pm

      awww, sorry darling. those are not good shoes to be in at all. clear your head jere. he’s not for you, doesnt necessarily mean he’s a bad person, he’s just not meant for you. your own will cross all the bridges in the world to be with you. all the best darl

  49. Lovergirl

    July 8, 2015 at 11:33 am

    Imagine when a guy you like thinks Island to mainland is long distance and refuses a rship with you bcos of that…………….LOL. Apparently he doesnt feel as much as i let myself feel. I didnt plan it. I didnt want myself being in love with someone who wasnt equally in love with me – again. But it happend. Now im stuck in this mess and it hurts! I just need to get him out of my head and move on with my life but why is that so difficult?
    is it also weird that i want a bf so bad? someone to laugh with, share with, be with. Been three years without anybody, and all this love inside of me is just going to waste. LOL

  50. southerbelle

    July 8, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    East london to North london is LDR for me jor lol Train Journey is longgggggggg

  51. southerbelle

    July 8, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    prolly why my ass is still single smh

  52. tobiloba

    July 9, 2015 at 9:58 am

    Mehn.. LDR no be joke..Lagos to Abuja thou but still some serious investment,(FLIGHT TICKET). Hungry man no fit oo. God help us all.. 8 month and counting… Le BOO has been awesome thou, he comes twice a month, and me once or not at all..lol. I hate naija airlines delay, its quiet frustrating. Anyways, so far we have been good but sometimes I wish he was closer… whew

  53. TOPE

    August 31, 2015 at 11:43 am

    kk… read all of dem comments nd dunno hw i feel…i type dis in tears…heres my story…myself nd boo reside in Nigeria,we both wrk…bin datin for 1yr nd few months kinda serious i fink…met him tru my cousin too….weve so far had an amazing relationship…i love in so vry much nd nw he has to go for hez masters for 2 solid yrs…it feels like a neva come back to me……well my problem wit LDR i cnt explain its just too scary…too bad boo is nt d kinda person dat makes future plans, he lives a life of as d day goes by kinda thing…kk he neva wants to av dis discussion abt at happens next,he mood kinda changes weneva i bring it up….he gave d option of either am willing to go or my masters or we do the long distance nd see hw it goes….i keep asking do u fink we can survive dis bt he jes has an open mind abt it like he doesnt want to make promises ‘dats hw i see it’. am scared confused, i cry pratically everyday at wrk. av once bin in a LDR bt it didnt wrk out,wasnt so bad duo…bt in dis am super scared. most of my friends are married and am supposed to wait another extra 2yrs on God knws wat will happen… and hez not talking…dunno wat to do. to worsen it, hez course hez so time consuming dat no brks iin btwn dem, both winter nd summer will be sooo busy so he saying he wnt be able to travell nd i dnt av d funds to go do my masters….

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