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Nicole the Fertile Chick: All About the Gender

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The one and only thing that gets under my skin, whenever I get a query or an e-mail, is when women ask me how to go about conceiving a specific gender. 9 out of 10 times, these are not even women with fertility issues. I once got a message from a woman that went something like “Please save my marriage! I have 4 girls, and I need a boy! If I don’t give my husband a son, he will leave me!!!”. I literally had to take a deep breath before replying that message, and had to type really s-l-o-w-l-y, in order to check my words…and myself in general. She had four children, but yet felt like she had everything to cry about. I thought of the many women who would happily trade places with her, and how ironic life was.

When I was younger, I was one of those people who prayed to God for sons only. I didn’t want any daughters at all! And my reasons had nothing to do with the typical Nigerian, or indeed African, requirement of keeping alive the family name. I didn’t want a daughter largely because of how much of a terror I was to my Mom…especially when I was a teenager. Gosh, did I give that woman grief or what! I was your typical sharp mouthed, oversabi teenager, who thought she knew it all! It didn’t help that I was (still am) a bona fide Daddy’s girl. I terrorized the poor woman, and my prayer was never to encounter the same thing with some I-too-know daughter.

When I was TTC, of course the sex of the baby was immaterial to me, but I found myself being certain I was having a boy, the minute I found out I was pregnant. When I found out I was carrying twins, I was even more convinced they were boys. After all, God and I had agreed this thing tey tey! It didn’t help that the Chinese Calendar for that year “predicted” I was having boys, thus adding to my cocksure belief that I was #TeamBlue all the way. You can imagine my shock at my 20-week scan, when it was revealed I was having not 1, but 2 girls! I was dazed. All through the drive home, I sat in shocked silence! What happened to our agreement now, Baba God?! When I got home, I tearfully lamented to my husband about how disappointed I was. He let me finish talking, and then just stared back at me in disbelief. And that was when I heard myself…really heard myself. That was when I heard all the rubbish I was spewing. My husband knew he didn’t have to tell me the words, and that I had come to the realization on my own. There I was lamenting about having girls, when for 30 cycles, in that same bedroom, I had cried and begged for just 1 child. And here I was, expecting 2, but still lamenting. That night, I tearfully begged my God for forgiveness, and praised Him for how far He had brought me. As my pregnancy progressed, I was fully on #TeamPink, and when I lay my eyes on the beautiful gifts from God, I knew I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference, and if you decide to time sex to optimize your chances of getting your preferred gender, that’s all fine and good. Before I got married, I had a friend who already had a daughter, but wanted to try for a son. We would laugh over how meticulously her husband timed their lovemaking, and strictly made sure they abstained on the days when they were more likely to conceive a girl. Luckily, they got their wish, and had a son shortly after. So yes, you’re free to do this, but it shouldn’t be a do-or-die matter. As long as you have been able to conceive, you should feel blessed and receptive of whatever gender it turns out to be. Rather than sulk and lament over having yet another boy, or girl, take a minute to think about the women who have never had a positive pregnancy test result.

Nowadays, with IVF, gender selection has been made even easier. Embryos can be pre-screened and pre-selected for whatever gender you so desire. I have made no secret of the fact that I totally disapprove of any form of embryo selection practice, for whatever reason. A few people have recommended I undergo embryo selection to give my girls a brother, and I have told them all, in very clear terms, that it is absolutely out of the question! A few articles ago, someone made a comment about how horrible IVF is, especially because embryos are destroyed. But this isn’t always the case, and embryos do not have to be destroyed. The embryos from my own cycle are still being preserved, and I will maintain my stance to never support any form of embryo destruction.

And sometimes, God does have the last laugh! I heard the story of a couple that already had 2 daughters. But, of course, they wanted a boy. So, this otherwise fertile couple, decided to opt for IVF, with the primary intention of gender selecting. And they did just that…3 male embryos were transferred…all 3 of them implanted…and they got triplets! I’m not sure having 5 children was exactly what they had in mind when they decided to expand their family. Thankfully, after the initial shock, they have adjusted to their new life and have traded their old luxury cars for some more functional mini vans!

Maybe I’m a bit biased on the subject, as I am a former TTC woman. I know what it is like to ache and weep for a baby, so that might be why the gender preference rubs me the wrong way. Whatever the case, my advice to women trying to conceive their first child is to remain focused on the task at hand, which is conceiving, regardless of gender. Being able to conceive, and deliver, a healthy baby should the cardinal focus. And for women who already have kids, and are desperately trying for the other gender, yes you can try, but you must absolutely not allow it consume you, or your marriage. If you’re unfortunate to have a husband, or family, that has put unnecessary pressure on you, it might be a good time to educate them about who exactly is responsible for determining the gender of the baby in the first place!

As for me, my daughters are my world, and I am content beyond measure. There is no day that goes by that I don’t thank God for them. Almost on the daily, I am besieged with questions about when I will give them a brother…and I always smile. Not only do I not have any immediate plans for that, if I am blessed enough to give them a sibling, gender regardless, I would be grateful…and if not, they are more than enough for me!

Stay grateful, folks!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images  

Nicole is a woman in her late 30s, with a passion for all things fertility related. She suffered infertility for the first 3 years of her marriage, and found it extremely isolating. After she had her kids, she started The Fertile Chick (www.thefertilechickonline.com) to create a community and happy-place for all women, in various stages of the fertility journey.

44 Comments

  1. N

    August 10, 2015 at 8:27 am

    Beautifully written! When I got pregnant, I was certain I was having a son. I picked out names, I only looked at baby boys’ clothes in stores…at 20 weeks I found out I was actually having a girl, and I still beat myself up for ever feeling bad that day cos my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s so perfect and I (like you) couldn’t have asked for more. We should all learn to be more grateful.

  2. Tell me about it

    August 10, 2015 at 8:29 am

    This article reminds me of when I had a scan for my second pregnancy and the doctor said it was a girl. My husband- a doctor, was furious and blamed me. He said we should have tried billings method for a boy because we had a girl already and he wanted a son. I was shocked that a doctor could say that because I know it’s a man who gives either a X or Y chromosome which ends up determining the gender of the child.

  3. mrs chidukane

    August 10, 2015 at 8:40 am

    My friend had the reverse. She had a girl first, then 3 boys. 4 years after the last boy was born, she decided she wanted another daughter. She got pregnant and gave birth to twin boys. The way she tells it, if she had any idea it would be boys or even a boy, she would have been content with the 1 girl she already had.

    It’s not easy sha with the way some families and even men go about this male child thing. My 1st child is a boy. When I told people the sex they would shout and say it’s a certificate of occupancy. That my legs have become rooted and the union is cemented. These are young people like us not some old men in the village. What some women pass through or even put themselves through because of it,you cannot imagine. My prayer is that God will grant us our hearts desire.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 10, 2015 at 4:10 pm

      My mother always laughs (with some bitterness) when she hears about women looking for sons to establish their positions as bonafide wives. She will willingly share with you that the only son she has, brings her more headache than all of her three daughters combined and guess which child in their 30s remains unrepentantly dependent on her, in spite of the MANY opportunities they’ve been given? You only get 1 guess, by the way…

      Let me not bore you with the specifics only to say that growing up with a brother like mine helped to shatter certain customary myths about sons being more valuable assets than daughters. And it’s amazing how those fallacies are still destroying womens’ self-esteem – sisters, instead of praying for any particular sex, be fervently praying that you have children that will not bring you sorrow or sleepless nights. Trust me when I say this.

      Interestingly, my very same mother was convinced that she was carrying a boy when she was pregnant with me and apparently, my sex turned out to be quite a surprise, thus leading to the specific name I was christened with…. (Seriously, my full first name is a complete rhetorical question, asked in my local dialect and designed to include a fair share of the conventional alphabet *side eyes to the parentals*)

    • zirah baby loke loke

      August 10, 2015 at 8:50 pm

      Tell us d name * shines teeth. My bro tooo is a wahala goes to town.

    • Peaches77

      August 11, 2015 at 10:55 am

      I know that story right! How about the father that went “hmmph! Nkechinyere” with a loud sigh and left the mother to cater for yet another daughter.
      Today, or say for the past 10 – 13 years she has been the anchor of that home with her brothers still very much dependent on her and sisters..

      Even some of my hardcore traditional relatives are now realizing that the prayer should be “Chukwu nna give us good children that will do well”. They never fail to tell the story of a man in the village whose 5 sons became armed robbers with some them shot dead…

    • zirah baby loke loke

      August 10, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Certificate of occupancy kwanu. Lol
      Pls what’s the meaning of TTC
      God bless Nicole and family

    • Somebody

      August 10, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      Trying to conceive

  4. Tess

    August 10, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Nice article as usual Nicole, when I just got married we always prayed for a daughter, and my hubby will joke about carry her to work…after a while we started saying if it’s because we were specific we are sorry o, just bring a healthy child.lol…i know a woman that has 9 girls, what an odd world…Baby dust to everyone TTC

  5. Chige

    August 10, 2015 at 8:57 am

    Hmmmm…….the issue about gender,God help us. It would have been a perfect world if everyone could have 1boy and 1girl or 2 boys and 2girls or whatever combination one wants. Coming from a family where girls were scarce commodities(I’m an only girl among 3boys), I thought having boys would be easy-peasy. In fact I used to pray to God to not let me look for girls and at least give me 1girl .After wedding I had my first girl,the next year I had another girl…..U need to see how sad I was,ull think something grave had happened. When I collected myself,I almost slapped myself,I asked for forgiveness and remembered those praying daily for ANY baby to come their way.
    I finally had my boy 2months ago in what was the strangest conception ever(story for another day)but honestly I had been loving every moment of loving my 2 daughters……and ironically everyone says the second girl is my favorite….lol.
    Please,first let’s be extremely grateful for any healthy child God blesses us with and for those TTC ,my prayers are with you everyday,may your bundles of joy come sooner than later.

  6. Honey girl.

    August 10, 2015 at 8:57 am

    Very sensitive topic.Waiting for the comments.

  7. Nenge

    August 10, 2015 at 9:32 am

    You had your fertility issues, here is a woman that has her own issues and is crying out looking for help an you brush her concerns aside like they are not important. When I started reading and I saw the way you dismissed her request and I was tempted to close the page then decided against it.
    I was born in a family where the quest for a son and an heir came with plenty drama and extra wives.
    you have no idea what that woman and her kids are going through.
    Take time out and find out what women who don’t have sons are going through in a lot of homes in this country.
    It is probably worse when you don’t have a kid at all but I can assure you it is not an easy ride for these women.
    so please, next time a woman asks for help in gender selection, consider that she may be going through hell. it I her husband and the extend family/ society you should be tired of, not the woman who wants to save her home and her daughters.

  8. Mr. W's wife

    August 10, 2015 at 9:59 am

    I was on my honeymoon when my husband started asking me about my menstrual cycle so that he could time sex so as to have have a boy. I just told him to let me enjoy being married before bothering about whether I have a boy or a girl first. Thank God I got pregnant within a week after our wedding. In my second trimester now and whenever my husband asks me about the baby, I always say “she” is fine, trying to mentally prepare him in the event that it’s a girl. Last time I was at the hhospital for my ante-natal, my Dr. offered me a scan to check the sex and I declined. I’m cool with having a healthy child of any gender. Besides, baby clothes don’t have to be gender specific abeg. Team Yellow, Mint Green and White all the way.

    For a man whose mother popped out 10 children because her husband wanted sons, whose mother married 3 women after my MIL who is the first wife, I feel very disappointed that my husband still has the same archaic mentality about having sons.

    • Laila

      August 10, 2015 at 5:19 pm

      I didn’t find out the sex of my baby either. It was surprising the number of people who were genuinely perturbed that I didn’t find out.

      I just didn’t care. I didn’t see how knowing in advance would make any difference. I don’t intend to find out for Baby #2 either, when the time comes.

  9. JADE

    August 10, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I completely agree with Nenge, Nicole actually sounded snobbish and arrogant, like your problem is not problem enough, since you are not TTC then you shouldnt be worried, but thats a very wrong way to think because it is her problem and if you cant help her say you cant not brush it aside like a fleck of dust.

    • AMAKA

      August 10, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      Jade and Nenge, you probably have not been following Nicole’s articles. if you have, you would not reach the conclusion that she was dismissive/insensitive. You should go read her very first article on bellanaija and see how alot of TTC women, including my sister poured out their hearts. If anybody has a problem with the gender of their chiildren, I say it without mincing words that they are the most selfish and ungrateful set of human beings on earth. People are looking for a child, you have children but you are more concerned about their gender? You never serious. The bible says :”children” are a blessing. It did not say boy or girl. Be grateful for what you have. Many others wish they had even a pinch of what you have.

  10. Swtbee

    August 10, 2015 at 10:34 am

    God has said that in the Quran that some HE gives boys, some HE gives girls, some HE gives girls & boys and some HE makes barren.

    • Laniks

      August 10, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      Exodus 23:26 No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days!!

  11. Dp

    August 10, 2015 at 10:57 am

    I have a healthy baby girl, i actually wanted to have a girl and I never checked the sex of the baby until the child came out and her father is so crazy about her. Me i tire for people looking for boy the most important thing is to have an healthy child that will not give u stress in the long run. This life is full of all sort of complexity I don’t know why one will now add another man made wahala come join am . Much love to everyone

  12. Dolapo

    August 10, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Yes, it rubs off you wrongly because you know what it feels to ask God for just one child. Any child. As a woman who ttc and has been blessed i know how horrid I used to feel when people who got it easy starts agitating for a particular sex. But it is human nature really, some cannot help it. I have my miracle baby OT and his brother MO. My story has been featured on bellanaija before in 2012. I went for IUCD and I know how some people looked at me like see am ooo, she no wan born again as she don get boys. lol. I want a little girl but I am not desperate for it. 3 years after my last baby I want to try again. For a girl this time. The first time i will ever be gender-specific. Do I feel ungrateful and horrified at myself? Maybe a little. But will I be happy for any child God gives me? Absolutely!

    ibinike.blogspot.com

  13. ibimena

    August 10, 2015 at 11:17 am

    whenever people bring up this gender issue i always ask them this question,will you rather have an ngozi okonjo iweala/chimamanda adichie or an abdulmutalab/Tsarnaev(boston marathon bomber)? Now please don’t get me wrong there are terrible children of either gender but this two women above have not only held on to their father’s name but have brought prestige and pride to that name,now their brothers will forever be referred to as ngozi and chimamanda’s siblings..A child is a child,we need to stop giving girls one more thing to be insecure about cos Nigerian society as a whole already gives us a boatload of things to feel bad about..
    P.S to that my father’s friend that tried to discourage him from sending me abroad for my undergraduate because after all i am a female child,*tongue out to you* , my father brags to anyone that will listen about his baby doctor. Thank you daddy for not listening to him.

  14. Fabulicious

    August 10, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Sensitive topic but it needs to be discussed.The kind of discussion I had with my husband before we got married ehhhhh,he always says I went on Margaret thatcher on him but it is important.i will list a few that pertain to kids.
    1) please don’t ask me to choose between work and kids.They are both important,don’t bother about the stress.i will balance it.
    2) if we have 3girls or 3 boys,please we are not trying for another with the hope that the sex will be different.We are not God.
    3)no naming any child Fabulicious jnr or daddy jnr.We don’t need any kid living in our shadows.There are so many names in this world to choose from.
    Thank God for his mercies,we have stuck to the entire plan all the way.
    That being said communication is important oooo. Don’t leave stuff unsaid,some men are funny.You will marry and want to go to school or progress in the work place or in your business and that is when your man will tell you he wants 6-8 kids because his mum had same number or start telling you he wants 6boys and 1 girl,what are you?A walking gender selection machine?Biko discuss these things oooo. Thank God for this topic.it is important,pray if you want to pray but please communicate beforehand.Every gender is important.
    Baby Dust to mums TTC.

    • treasure

      August 10, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      best comment. I’ve noted your points for future use.

  15. Ann

    August 10, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Very funny the gender selection ish. we are four girls and two boys, truth is the girls are the ones taking care of my parents today, eldest bro will always have a story to tell when it’s time to make a contribution for our parents, plenty stories all they time. I got pregnant and guy said if it is a boy OYO ooo, cos he wants all girls, according to him girls show more concern for their parents. Me i am all about having a healthy baby (ies), i am indifferent about sex, God should please bless me with a healthy and perfect baby is all i pray for…….

  16. bruno fierce

    August 10, 2015 at 11:23 am

    every nigerian family will prefer to have one male child than a thousand female children. its so sad. when a female child is born in Nigeria? there is this disappointed in the eyes of the man when he finds out his wife has given birth to a girl. reverse is the case when a man finds out his wife has just given birth to a boy. when a male child is born in nigeria, there is always a huge celebration.

    thanksgiving for the female baby is not grand or big unlike when a male child is born. the family spares no expense. even naming ceremony is the same thing. small boring naming ceremony for a female child and big over the top, expensive naming ceremony for a male child.

    when a stranger or a close relative or family friend hears a woman gave birth to a boy, they scream in joy. when I was younger, I use to ask my self what is so special about giving birth to a boy?

    I swear to god, if ur a married woman, and ur husband’s relations hate u, just give birth to a male child and watch and see how their hatred for u automatically turns into love. they will start calling u “are wa wife”

    everybody in Nigeria wants at least one male child. nigerians prefer male children over female. someone like me, I dont care about the gender of my future kids as far as they are healthy and grow up to be fierce like me, that’s all I want . if I have a male child, its a win, if I have a female child, its also a win. I swear to god, I cant wait to dress my daughters up in chanel and prada. their fashion game will alway be on fleek because of me. lool

    1
  17. Mrs. A

    August 10, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Couples should always pray that God gives them the best ( even as it concerns children) as he has promised us be it male or female, cos he alone knows the beginning from the end and we should as much as possible subject our desires to his will as he alone knows what is best for us, after all the sex of your child is not a ticket to salvation which we must always understand is the ultimate goal..

    Importantly also is for us to always discuss in depth with our spouses during courtship ( like hear his response or watch his reaction when you gist him that a friend just had her third daughter) and observe the type of family we are getting married into so as to avoid all these insanity that comes with the do or die attitude of having a male child as these little observations speak volume and help avert all this unwarranted headaches. All children are gifts from God and he gives them unto us as he wills, there is therefore no need for us to subject our health, quality of life or quality of love for the other children to human insatiable desire.

  18. hauwa

    August 10, 2015 at 11:33 am

    This gender issue is really not cool. I began to panic abt TTC wn after intro n fixing wedding date, my hubby wld talk abt how he’s worried abt his friend’s wife who had bn married for 6 months with no visible baby bump. Then, anoda of his friend refused to do naming n dedication cos his wife had d 3rd girl. I hoped I hadn’t gotten myself entwined with a primitive man ooo. Luckily, I took in 2 months after our wedding. I pray daily for a healthy baby especially wn I go to d hospital n see new born babies in all sorts of tubes. U can imagine d horror d parents must be going thru. I believe girls r even more sympathetic n useful to d parents sef. Some boys end up embarrassing n frustrating dia parents especially wn u treat them like ur Alfa n omega.

  19. jasmine

    August 10, 2015 at 11:45 am

    Thank God for my Dad. May his soul rest in perfect peace. He’s the first son(igbo man) and he wants all girls. When I asked him, he said he didn’t take care of his parents well enuf coz of family responsibility so he wants girls that can take care of him. The way he beats my brothers is just so shocking, u’ll think he adopted them. But we girls, never will he beat us and the girls r his next of kin. He said my brothers should go and work for their money since they r men. My boss has 4 girls. He wants to pay me 5million so I can birth a son for him. I wish I can play him and run away with the money. Useless man.

  20. Really

    August 10, 2015 at 11:50 am

    I’m pregnant with my second child. The doc says it’s a boy.
    I want a girl so badly….so so badly that I actually wailed when the scan revealed the sex. The doc was worried and asked if I should be referred to a therapist.

    Not till I read about gender disappointment online. One lady stated to list out why you want a particular gender. My reasons:
    a) Pink is my favourite colour
    b) I want us to rock #TeamNatural together…go on spas….shopping dates…girlie things
    c) I want to be referred to as Iya Iyawo on my daughter’s wedding day
    d) I want to be a grandma by the time I’m 50.
    e) I just want a girl

    None of my reasons looked valid when I read them out to myself. What if I have a girl and she’s a tomboy, that will even hurt me more than having a boy! What if my daughter doesn’t get married “on time”, I still won’t be a grandma by 50! What if my daughter isn’t into spa and shopping dates?? I realized that I had put unnecessary burden and expectations on a child that is not even born.

    Now i’m expectant and looking forward to having my son though sometimes sha I still hold out on hope…hoping against all odds that I’ll have a pinky girly daughter just like me.

    Either way, now i’m grateful for this child and not particular about the gender.

    Gender disappointment is real and it’s not so easy for some women to just shrug it off. Also, I don’t have any in-law pressure to deal with. My friend’s MIL actually told her that she had better make sure that child in her womb is a boy else she will leave her son’s house. My friend already has two girls. My uncle actually “threw his wife” out when she had the 6th girl. For some of us, this gender thing is not so much of an issue for others, it’s a reason for heartache and tears.

    Nicole, I honestly feel you trivialized the woman’s issue who wrote to you and she deserves an apology. The fact that the shoe doesn’t pinch you that way doesn’t mean the other person isn’t hurting. I am actually disappointed in you and how you handled this issue. It’s the same way a “fertile” woman can trivialize the issue being faced by a TTC woman and you’ll scream murder….you, my friend, just did same, if not worse. Abeg biko, you no try.

  21. Ttc

    August 10, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    This life sha …. Some of us just want anyone .. Boys or girls .. Just anyone

    • ada

      August 10, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      You will have in Jesus name. My lord that answered me will answer you and all others!

  22. DDO

    August 10, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Lmaooo…certificate of occupancy!! Hilarious..the quest for gender especially baby boys will always be a hot topic in Africa.

    However I think its unfair to bash Nicole…her blog is called the Fertile chick and she is here to help PREDOMINANTLY women who have challenges with fertility as stated in her profile. SHE and she alone has decided her area of calling, and it not does include this woman’s area of need. We don’t ask Math teachers to help with English homework. That said, Nicole did reply her..and made sure she checked her personal views before doing so..that is acceptable to me. Nicole does not have to understand the woman’s challenges because she has not experienced it. Just as everyone in the TTC community pray to have their own healthy child..I pray this woman finds the boy she is looking for.

  23. tola

    August 10, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    @ ttc i feel you,but always ask God for a healthy baby boy or girl not anyone,been ttc since 2009,i have had 3 ivf cycles between oct last year and July this year,ashermans is been queried and you will all be shocked that the ashermans was caused by a prof and during a routine hysteroscopy ,an FS created a false passage in my womb,if i mention the name of the clinic i will spoil market big time,Nicole talk about ashermans,i am not doing any xfer until i fix my womb either in uk or us

    • AAsh

      August 10, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      May GOD uphold you during this period and grant your desire for a healthy baby.Amen
      ‘This’ too shall pass!

  24. Viv

    August 10, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Wow reading this article really got me thinkin…….i have an amazing husband but i freaked out when after 3 months after my wedding i wasn’t pregnant but finally did get pregnant the 4th month,Glory be 2 God and am lukin forward 2 havin twins(boy&girl) cause am a twin myself but either ways am fine with havin a healthy baby#2 all d TTC my prayers

  25. bibi

    August 10, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    I used asked God for Two girls no boy , l got married to an African Man and you begin to see the way women are treated l didinot want my daughter to go through this, Even the Bible, Most of all the couples looking for children has male children;

  26. unexpected baby girl.

    August 10, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    Chim! It is this same gender issue that almost ripped my family apart. My mother is yet to recover from the hell she went through. Never had a son. I see the hurt in her eyes everyday. According to the story I was told, when I arrived after so many years, my father was disappointed. So teh my aunties were arranging for another wife. This affected me so badly that I don’t even look forward to marriage.?

  27. Babym

    August 10, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    Ahhhh i can so relate to all of this. Hubby and i always wanted a girl first, esp hubby, we already had names and used to day dream about our cute little girl. I had already planned blush pink and white nursery lol. And then everyone just kept telling me they thought i was having a girl. Then we went for the 20 week scan and we got the shocker that we were expecting a boy! I literally frozzee. As in boy never crossed my mind, my first thought was what was i going to do with a boy?? Im as girly girl as they come, i dont like boy things, football, toy guns and what not i just thought i would be a terrible mother to a boy. Hubby took it even harder than i did. I was actually upsrt with him
    For being so dissapointed. We were acting so ungrateful and silly considering we have been trying for a very loooong time.

    Soooo i decided to do some research and find out why we were feeling like this and if it was normal. Turns out it was perfectly normal to feel that way. I then read up on how to get over it and i found so many useful articles if i find any i will post it here. I mad hubby read them as well. And now we have been able to re-route our brains to boy mode. All of a sudden i cant imagine it any other way. Hubby has already started getting matching clothes for them and what not lol. My little bambino will be here very soon and i cant wait to meet him 🙂 he is already sooooo loved!

    Funny enuf my mums sister who had 4 boys and really wanted a girl just pretty much adopted me as the daughter she never had lolol. My mum is kukuma not a girly girl atallll and with me being d only girl im not sure she knew what to do with me growing up hehehe. It was my Aunty B who used to do all the girly stuff with me, we r sooooo close, she would buy me all the princess dresses and paint my nails and take me to get my hair done. Till tomorow i still run to her for fashion tips lol. So i guess you can always find a niece or nephew that u love and live ur girl and boy dreams through them lol.

  28. Blackbeauty

    August 10, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Hi Nicole,
    Great article as usual. However,, I wish you had been a bit more understanding of this woman’s plight. She only asked for a son to save her marriage. You are biased because you are examining her situation through the lenses of a woman who has been down the ‘TTC’ route. If you only knew how many homes have been broken because of this search for a male child.
    A friend of mine in secondary school had four sisters, all very pretty and intelligent. Like what more could a man ask for? Yet her father threw their mum out and remarried and then he had his sons…
    Personally, i want only a certain number and would appreciate if there’s a gender mix. However, having worked at an infertility clinic and seeing first hand, the heartaches, disappointments, failed cycles, monies spent, I realise children are a gift from God and I am thankful just to be able to share in the joys of motherhood.

  29. nicolefertilechick

    August 10, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Wow! It was a controversial one today!

    Thanks for all your comments, and to those who took time to share their stories!

    To those who are offended by my stance, I have absolutely no apologies for feeling the way I do. None whatsoever! My experience is TTC, and I built a community tailored specifically for that. For the woman who contacted me, I assure you my response was to her was not rude, but I did clearly express my opinion to her. Unfortunately, such a person looking to conceive a specific gender of child because her marriage is at stake, does not need a Nicole, but a marriage counsellor, or some other form of intervention.

    And for as long as people of our generation keep arguing for the validity of one gender being superior to the other…then unfortunately, we have a very long way to go!

  30. Feminist gang

    August 11, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Feminist gang yaff come again!

    1. Nicole or whatever you call yourself. You are not fit to be a counselor or adviser. Every single person has his or her own issues. Your own maybe a child, mine be be a male child, his may be a female child, hers may be a twins. You dont dismiss someone else’s problem or issues because it doesnt go well with yours. Go sit down jor. Arrogant pompous thing!

    2. You all should listen, feminist gang cannot talk any of you anywhere. I know many of you have hatred for men that it is not being transferred to even sons and male child. I know it will soon get to the level that you will soon abort or kill a child cos you know it is a male.

    3. You can do nothing about the way God has formed this earth. If you people like, go form another planet outside the 9 planets we have and create your own life, rules, regulations, marry a fellow girl, give birth to a girl, have a girl as a mechanic, driver, painter, cab person, firefighter, sewage disposer, well digger and all you ever wish

    4. Each individual has preferences. You may prefer a dark guy to date while she prefers a fair guy to date. You might prefer a short guy to date while she prefers a tall guy to date. Is any husband a husband? Is any wife a wife?

    Why on earth will you dismiss my preference or what i want? Even God will not force His opinion or rules on anyone- “Choose ye this day whom ye will serve” We have choices.
    Silly feminist gang members always trying to dominate and force their opinion on others.

    Go marry yourselves, give birth to a girl, and live in a world of girls alone.

    • Ann

      August 11, 2015 at 4:11 pm

      Chisos! who stole your candy? did you read Nicoles explanation ata all? did you see where she explained what her specialty is? you egoistic pompous male, i have the feeling you are one of those male child the family regret birthing……yeye dey smell….every child is a blessing whether male or female, it is sad when you hear a lot of women have died in their quest to have a male child, like the female children are useless, stupid excuses we get about families wanting an heir, at the end the male kids cause them to die. anuofia!

  31. Luvnaija

    August 18, 2015 at 12:10 am

    Choi! I’m here begging God for the past 4years for any gender and someone’s problem is a baby , 4 boys in my family none of them takes care of my parents except me almost single handedly! What if my parents had only them? Days are gone when a man throws a woman out of the house unless you don’t make money to build the home with him! It can’t happen if you are educated, financially independent worse case divorce,share acquired property 50% everybody go their way. Nonse! As far as I’m concerned that woman gat no problem im sure she’s one of those liability,africamajic watching house wife! I dey on top this matter….Nicole you’re a real inspiration forget the ungrateful joker. That was how one friend lost her sister on a 6th trip to the labor room after doctors warned her to stop all in a bid for a baby boy…woman die,pickin die, husband self 6months down the line go remarry. Rubbish!

  32. Mrs R.

    September 13, 2015 at 9:01 am

    nicole,my heart is literally broken into pieces as i write this. i just lost my 19 qeek old baby to cervical incompetence. it was a very terrible experience for me as i had to deliver him like in an actual labor. the timing was horrible,a day after my one year anniversary and on my birthday. it was a baby boy and what wouldnt i give to still have him here with me,all i ever wanted was a healthy baby. nicole,could you write something on pregnancy loss due to cervical incompetence? it would really help me and a lot of women going thru thia to read the comments of other women who have been through this and how they were able to get through this. its so hard and i sometimes think i wont be able to get past this,its been only a few days now. eceryone says dont worry,u will get pregnant soon and i just cant think of another pregnancy at all . life is so unfair at times….

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