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Ayo Al: Is The World Really Fair To Women?

Ayo Al

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I have never really ‘put my mouth’ into this war between genders- I have not and still do not see myself as a feminist, but I had two enlightening conversations recently and I took some time to ponder.

I visited a lounge to have a drink and a group of men were having a conversation- very loud, if I may add. It was very hot and heated, I saw a lot of angry faces, popping veins and I wondered just what the topic was. I didn’t wait too long before I heard – “This does not need too much talk. A woman who cheats on her husband will be the one to kill him. We men can but women cannot and should not. I cannot live with such a woman”

In my seat, I turned unashamedly towards where the men sat and paid full attention. One man took every one’s attention as he told a story, one which caused a lot of oohs and ahhs as he described a neighbour of his, whose wife had planned to kill him because she was enjoying sex outside with another man.

“This one is Nollywood o” I thought in my mind.

They went on and on and when I had enough, I drained my drink and left. Out of curiosity, I sent a message to a married friend of mine asking if we could talk. He agreed and I asked the question, “What would you do if you find out your wife cheated?”

He replied and I quote: “Once I find out that she cheated, I’ll pick my things and leave the house. I’ll keep taking care of the kids and paying the bills but the marriage is over!”

And if she caught you cheating? I asked again.

“I will not hesitate to go on my knees and beg her. I’ll ask her to forgive me because I love her.”

Why is cheating acceptable for men and women cannot dare? I asked again already irritated.

“I don’t know, he replied. I met things being done this way. It is African mentality.”

I asked a few more questions but at some point, I noticed he was getting defensive and I let it go.

And then just today, taking a walk with a friend, I walked past a man who had very large belly and my friend said “I don’t like men who have big bellies. It’s irritating.”

Why? I asked. “It is just somehow. Isn’t it supposed to be the woman with the belly? Imagine being pregnant and then your husband has big belly also. Just picture it. Let them leave the belly for us biko” she replied.

I thought about it for a while and then, I asked her “But who said women are allowed to have bellies and be shapeless and people find it okay because it’s a woman? ”

“How do you mean?” She asked.

I explained-“Why can’t you say you don’t like big belly, because you don’t like it on any gender…. and not because it fits a woman more?”

Her response? “It is the African mindset in all of us jare”

Ohhhh really?

Now, my question is: is it really the African mindset or may I use a culture that mandates us to demand excellence from just one sex and be harsh with another?

Or have we all gotten so comfortable that we do not even care to know the difference anymore but we all just go with the flow?

I wonder. When did adultery become permissible for a man but an abomination for a woman? When has being fit become something relegated to the man but women are allowed to stay ‘unfine’?

I thought the world was changing… maybe not!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

An avid reader and writer, Ayo Al hopes particularly to refract the ills in the society through her writings. A professional blogger, she is available for content writing, freelance writing and book reviews. She is also a business woman, fashion enthusiast and a dealer of watches. She can be reached via mail- [email protected] out her instagram: @thatsaucywriter

7 Comments

  1. Gloria Anthony

    March 4, 2018 at 5:16 am

    Beautiful write up, the world is really unfair to women, the summary of it all indicates its a man’s world.

  2. Mz_Danielz

    March 4, 2018 at 6:10 am

    Nne don’t bother your head about these things. Find your place of wholeness as a woman and build yourself independent of a man especially emotionally. A man knows a woman that doesn’t need him but wants him and he behaves himself. The real challenge is in upbringing. Women are taught to make themselves small. Marry me and cheat now, me that is wondering how I’ll live with one man forever, I’ll just find one senator and start dating. Two can play; who has time for all these nonesense. There is money to be made, children to train and orgasms to be had abeg.

  3. CrazyWorld

    March 4, 2018 at 8:04 am

    Truth is many many many many men get to know their wives cheated and keep it lowkey because of how the society will ridicule him and all. There’s one Nollywood actress that cheated recently with a guy in UK and the guy recorded the video and sent it to her husband. Social media drama followed but the sex video part didn’t get to social media and now they are back together.

    Men just like to form tough is why they don’t go shouting about like women do. Don’t believe all those men that claim marriage is over because of cheating. Even our moms and dads, we should just keep quiet and be looking ni.

    • Stella

      March 4, 2018 at 9:49 am

      Hmmm, continue deciving yourself. Don’t go and cheat on your husband because of that mentality of yours. Majority of men, can tolerate anything from a woman but once it cheating,all bets are off. They don’t play with that , unless you are cheating and he doesn’t know or he is as poor as a church rat with no place to go ( then he will bid his time). Forget all the stuffs you read on the internet. I am a lawyer who has a front row seat to most marriage drama. I see it everyday. I have seen instances of of men cheating on their wives daily but filed for divorce immediately they discovered their wife cheated once. It is not fair but it is what it is, expecially in this country Nigeria. My own policy is that no matter how much a cheating partner begs or cry (or none of the above ), never ever take them back.

    • XYZ

      March 5, 2018 at 7:44 am

      That’s very true. Some men and women have cheated on their spouses and no one heard about it.
      There are marriages that work with couples who understand the true meaning of “forgiveness”.

      #LoveWorks

  4. Mama

    March 4, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    Stella, crazyworld is right o! Nigeria is changing. Women are cheating, husbands are finding out and nothing happens. The marriage might be over but no one throws anyone out. The problem is a lot of people live with each other as house mates. The marriages are already over. Long long time ago. So when they find their wives cheating it doesn’t mean much. A lot of men will actually say as long as she keeps it on the down low she can do what she likes. We don’t divorce in Nigeria so people put up with a lot to keep their pretend marriages together.

  5. Life

    March 5, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    https://www.bellanaija.com/2018/02/talking-law-ivie-omoregie-criminal-essentials-proving-rape-kidnapping/
    “Random fact: under Nigerian law, it is not legally possible to rape a man.”.

    The system is unfair to all. Life in itself is not fair, we have to and need to do better.

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