Loud Thinker: Men Know What they Want From the Jump… Or Maybe Not!

So I met this guy at a shisha lounge. I went out there with my girlfriends to catch up and unfortunately (or fortunately) we sat next to a group of guys who seemed to have had one too many shots. Every now and then as we were catching up and chatting away, we would hear one of the guys randomly ask questions like “why are you girls not socializing?” “Do you want to join our table?” “I’m cold can I come seat next to you? You look warm.” No lie – the place was actually cold. My friend said the temperature was better where she was sitting so I moved over to the seat next to her and that’s where one of the guys seized the opportunity to talk to me. I whispered to my friend “ugh what does he want?” but he looked good so I carried on with the conversation. Turned out he was not bad at all; early 30s, speaks French (and I do too), accountant, doesn’t drink (he was the only sober one out of all the friends celebrating a birthday). Shots came around, we had a couple each and went inside. The guys later on came inside and again sat next to us. But this time they were trying to flirt with any girl interested. Towards the end, the same bobo came and asked me how I was getting home. Long story short, we exchanged numbers.

Fast forward to two months later and the guy is an amazing person. His mama should be proud because she raised a great man, all alone. We get along as friends with no problems, no arguments and no misunderstanding that last more than it should. So where is the issue? Well, he has been proclaiming love. Not simple love oh, my people. I mean love to the point where he wanted me to meet his mother less than 3 months after meeting (fear catch me oh).

It wasn’t just empty talk. His mother already knew about me and was and is still looking forward to meeting me. I don’t mind meeting someone’s mother oh but with this situation the mother only wants to meet me if I am 100% sure that I want to marry her son. On the other hand, he is so sure but as for me mmmmm… Bros what happened to getting to know each other first? Can I take my time to like you? Fear di catch me oh. I need some Usain Bolt shoes.

I spoke to my friend and she agrees that the guy is great and she told me “Most guys know very early on who they want to be with”. I have been hearing and seeing this statement or similar ones a lot lately. There’s also an amazing inspirational page on Instagram called @Blackcitygirl_ which gives advice about dating and marriage. They also post emails they get from people asking for advice but most importantly, they try to uplift black women. They posted a few times about this particular topic saying “Men know what their intentions are right away.” People (both men and women) commented with their personal stories. Some people had met and gotten married after 3, 4, 6 months of dating. It was amazing to read all those stories and people celebrating anniversaries years later. I could not help but smile when I was reading the comments. A lot of women on the page were encouraged by others sharing their stories. As for me, encouragement no enter me oh…. Fear be still dey. Sometimes I wish I could shake off the fear. What am I really afraid of? Well, I need to know his character (mostly the bad) so I know what I can deal with and what could be a breaking point. And to me bringing out those traits takes more than a few months.

Everyone is different when it comes to how long they should know someone before deciding to meet their family, get engaged or get married. There are some people that don’t mind getting married after some months of meeting if they feel everything is right. Some people need some years. As for me, ideally, I would like at least a year to get to know someone and be sure of my emotions (some emotions are temporary). It’s hard for me to believe in love at first sight. One thing I am certain about is knowing where I see a friendship going after having a conversation with someone. I also do believe that men know their immediate intentions right away but maybe the BN family can enlighten me. I have read tons of articles on BellaNaija and also comments about looking for red flags and how marriage is not easy at all. So person get for take ei time.

I welcome the idea of men knowing their intentions (if all of them could just share those intentions) Actually, it is refreshing to read that most men know their intentions and that could help us women weed out the men that come to permanently chill in our lives with no thoughts of moving forward like meat forgotten in a deep freezer. But the marriage after a few months of meeting is what scares me. Abeg make wuna help me reduce this fear biko. Has anyone gotten married in less than a year of meeting? Do you know anyone who has? As for the men, is the statement about intentions true for you? What do you think about the topic in general? Please share.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Ron Chapple