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Atoke: Going to America to Have Your Baby! Where Will You Stay?

Atoke

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AtokeSo you’re pregnant and you’ve decided you want to go have your baby in the United States. You’re excited about the decision you’ve made – a chance for your new child to be a United States citizen. Maybe it’s for better health care, maybe it’s to keep up with the Joneses, maybe it’s so that the child won’t have to queue for visa for hours under the sun at Walter Carrington – it doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, you’ve decided that this new child is going to be born in the US. So now it’s time to plan.

Fifty states! That’s a whole wide area to choose from. As Nigerians, our first instinct is “where do we know someone?” Houston, Texas; Atlanta, Georgia; Baltimore, Maryland Anywhere in the DMV sef You remember there’s one nice cousin in Detroit, Michigan… ah but it’s too cold! We will meet at Jesus’ feet please. I can’t come and die.

After you’ve narrowed down where you want to go, based on the places where you have family and friends, then it’s time to look for a hospital and a doctor. For first timers, they rely heavily on their people ‘on ground’ to do the research. So, is the hospital affordable? Are the doctors good? Since we’re coming from Nigeria, the standards we’re working with are Reddington, Lagoon, LASUTH, LUTH, e.tc so, we really have to rely on reviews from friends, and family. {I strongly recommend Nairaland for this kind of thing. Those people have stories and experiences!}

And then the final question: where will you stay? It’s not as if the trip to the States and the birthing process is a weekend trip. It will usually require a minimum of three months visit, and this is where the issue comes.

Staying with people when you go to have a baby is something that has caused a lot of friction in relationships. From the side of the expectant mother, to the hosts… horrible stories abound. From the expectation to drive to and from the hospital, to the over population of the host’s house for naming, to accusations of lack of care… one wonders why people still bother with this living arrangement. Sometimes it works out well, other times it just ends so badly that neither party recovers well from it.

My cousin told me the story of a lady who came to have a baby in her house. She was fine with the arrangement, but didn’t realise the expectant mother was coming with a toddler. The toddler was reportedly very unruly and constantly destroying things in the house. The expectant mother was too pregnant and too tired to caution the child. It was a disaster.

Coming home filled my cousin with dread. She would be driving home after a long 12-hour shift, knowing that something would have been broken or spoilt in her house. Morning sleep after night shift was a problem because of the screaming child. “Never again” she said.

If you’re going to have a baby in the US, and you have kids, please consider where you’ll keep the kids. Find out if the house you’re going is toddler-friendly. Make plans to keep your child engaged and entertained for the three months you’re going to be in someone’s house.

Next issue for consideration is transportation. As an expectant mother, you’ll have doctors appointments, and hospital visits. You’ll also want to visit a few places and see people while you’re in the US. Make adequate arrangements, and ensure you find out about the transport situation in the city you’re going. For instance, public transportation in Houston, Texas is a right mess! It’s drive or die! Seriously, there’s hardly any footpaths for pedestrians. If car jam you, na you know!

My aunty said whenever anybody says they want to come and stay in her house to have a baby, she always readily says NO. “E ma binu, but Katy l’an gbe” {Please don’t be mad. We live in Katy} She said that given her work schedule, there’s no way she can drive anybody back and forth to doctors appointments. In her experience, there’s an expectation that she’ll have to drive the expectant mother around and “ain’t nobody gat time for that”

Find out about the taxi and Uber options; put some money aside to take into consideration transportation costs. Find out about car rentals and if you have to get an international drivers licence. Save yourself the stress and keep your relationships. Don’t let your friendship spoil because you went to have a baby.

Next on the list of things to consider is your guests. Yes, we’re Nigerians… we’re people magnets, and we like party. There’s no bigger reason to gather people together than the birth of a baby. Weddings too! But that’s not why we’re here As a guest in someone’s house, you should not take it for granted that you’re allowed to have guests. Not everybody likes heavy footfall in their homes – especially Nigerians who have been abroad for a long time. Please don’t assume that because you had your baby while staying in someone’s house, it’s okay to host a naming ceremony party there. Dearly beloved, this thing has caused fight in so many families! Let us just avoid it.

Have a conversation with your host about whether people can come visit you, whether your husband can come from Nigeria with his mom. Ask direct questions and do not assume anything. My brother always says “assumption is the mother of all failure”. I don’t know where he heard that one; but it applies in this case. Have a conversation with your host: Is it okay if we have the naming ceremony here? How many people can we invite? Is it okay to do the cooking here? Is it okay for my sister-in-law to sleep over after the naming ceremony?

Ask questions. Receive express permission. Please don’t assume that because you brought a box of Indomie and Danshiki from Akerele for your host, it’s now okay for you to spread leg and do Ikomo.
In fact, to avoid any glitches, share the name of your child to those who matter via the phone or social media. However, if you absolutely have to have a naming ceremony, just wait until you get back to your domicile – where you’re paying rent or mortgage.

Living with anybody is not the easiest thing. {I wrote about being a guest people hate here} In fact if you can avoid it, please do. However, if all your money has gone towards flight ticket to America, and hospital bill, try and find the least intrusive way to stay with someone. In fact, set some money aside for living expenses. It’s almost as important as the hospital bill sef.

Otherwise, just stay in your own house jeje and have your baby in Nigeria. Your child will still have a chance at success. I was sha born in LUTH.

You probably wanna read a fancy bio? But first things first! Atoke published a book titled, +234 - An Awkward Guide to Being Nigerian. It's available on Amazon. ;)  Also available at Roving Heights bookstore.Okay, let's go on to the bio: With a Masters degree in Creative Writing from Swansea University, Atoke hopes to be known as more than just a retired foodie and a FitFam adherent. She can be reached for speechwriting, copywriting, letter writing, script writing, ghost writing  and book reviews by email – [email protected]. She tweets with the handle @atoke_ | Check out her Instagram page @atoke_ and visit her website atoke.com for more information.

216 Comments

  1. Tunmi

    April 21, 2016 at 2:09 pm

    Atoke!!!!! ? ? ? ? ?

    • Tina

      April 21, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      Thank you for this write up. I just finished hosting a family, guess what. NEVER AGAIN!!!
      Family was hubby’s friends. First of all they came too early. Pregnant wife was soooo nosy( wants to know everything about us), does not respect boundaries and gossips a lot. They never contributed anything to the house, talk about awoof wan kill person. They literally eat the house down that when we come back from work there will be nothing left. Even had the audacity to demand for special food that she was not paying for. Meanwhile, when coming from Nigeria could not bring some of the food items that were fresh and cheap, things that we don’t easily get here.Had to drive her to doctor’s appointment weekly because they did not budget for that, they expected and sometimes call me in the middle of work to drive her during lunch break ( well I’m supposed to be having lunch and I leave 30mins from work)
      They expected since they were on vacation, we should devote our free time in entertaining and organizing activities for them. Forgetting that we have to rest and spend time with our kids. Wife always complaining of boredom. They even requested we borrow them dollars to pay hospital bill because they cannot do forex and black market was too expensive. Of course they pay back when the exchange rate gets better.
      To crown it all, after several weeks post delivery, wife was hesitant in going back to Nigeria, says she does not want face the fuel and light crisis ( she does not work). Eventually they left, hoping to come soon to give birth to another child. I smiled and said sure……
      These are a few of the things that happened, it’ll take a whole day to narrate everything and there’ll not be enough space on BN.
      Oh did I forget when she had a false alarm at 2am and demanded I take to the hospital even after I told her as an experienced mom she was not ready. Of course, she was sent back from the hospital and by the time we got home, I had to quickly get ready and rush to work without sleeping while she went to bed.

    • K

      April 21, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      Eeyah. Sorry.

    • Cindy

      April 21, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      Sorry dear

    • What about your husband

      April 22, 2016 at 4:51 am

      Sorry where was your husband in all of this?

    • tk

      April 25, 2016 at 2:38 am

      My dear my eyes have seen oh.I hae told my sef if not my siblings I no do….let dem go n stay in hotel ad pay d bill

    • Ayo

      April 22, 2016 at 12:14 am

      Please is there a LOVE button!!!! As in you hit the nail on the head so hard I wish I could just hug you right now. I live in Texas, and I’ve actually had this experience of someone staying with me, while my experience was quite good thankfully, it still wasnt an easy one. It is not easy to have someone staying with you for 3months. There will always be small small issues here and there. Even your family members sef staying that long ain’t easy. After that experience, I don’t plan on doing it again anytime soon even though it wasn’t a bad experience. I hope a lot of people will take something away from this especially learning to be considerate of other people. The thing your brother said about assumptions is so on point. Thank you for your candid write up, thoroughly enjoyed it.

    • Abosede

      April 22, 2016 at 6:12 am

      Wow…. You are really popping and on point. I live in Washington DC where offcos literally everything is very expensive. A family friend same to stay with me to have her baby and offcos I am a full time student and a full time worker. I am single and hustles a lot. She came and eat everything in the house, I call off work to take her to doctor’s appointments… Water and light bill increased for that 4months, always buying gas in my car and many more .No help from her but rather gave me 100$ when she was leaving which I bluntly refused. I will never do that again in my life. NEVER!!! Its not easy. She spoiled ground for pple wey wan come in future.

    • Abby

      April 24, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      30k is alot naw with naija currency, all I say is only God can reward u pple hosting guests, they will never understand.

    • been there

      April 22, 2016 at 10:51 am

      This write up is right on topic. this is my only reservation about going to have a baby in the states. I don’t even have my nuclear family there just family friends. The thought of living in someone else’s house for that long is scary to me. And I know for a fact that it is bound to put a strain on relationships. Infact afta a while, u will start making the owner of d house uncomfortable.

      The oda thing is our naija style of hospitality does not work abroad cos of the huge bills people rack up and oyibo cost savings attitude. If ur going to be living in someone house for dat long, u need to contribute (that’s how my mama thought me) give dem some money to buy food items, to pay some bills. If u were in ur own house u wld be doing same. But many Nigerians don’t have dat etiquette. It’s like u always ride in someone’s car to work, everyday, yet in dis fuel scarcity, u cant offer dem some money to buy fuel (na only u get sense abi?)

      The pressure sef. My sponsor was just telling me a few weeks ago dat I made a mistake having my child in naija (imagine). She went as far as saying for the next one, I should go and borrow money, if I don’t have so my child can be born in America. Of course she’s my mother’s age mate so I let her have her moment.

    • Es

      April 22, 2016 at 5:20 pm

      My dear Been There, save up some money and get an AIRBNB… You’re in a home, by yourself, no wahala, you pay your own bills, come as you want, go as you need… get your baby and you leave peacefully! Finish

    • Ola

      April 23, 2016 at 12:41 am

      Been there, you have to be the most reasonable person ever….cyber hugs to you. I feel you..

    • "changing moniker"

      April 28, 2016 at 11:01 am

      please what’s an AIRBNB????
      explain o….
      i’m planning for my children’s birth

    • Atoke

      Atoke

      April 29, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    • TA

      April 23, 2016 at 12:06 am

      As in, now you all see why I can’t stop loving Atoke. She is bae

  2. Jenny

    April 21, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Excellent right up. a lot of people are good at abusing privileges given and have an entitled mentality because you are related to them. Life abroad is different to life in Nigeria. I for one do not like having crowd so if i let you in my home and you cross my space, I wont be very nice…

    • Kadara

      April 21, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Even on holidays get a hotel, if you can afford to go on a holiday you can afford a hotel. I don’t stay in anyone’s house even if it’s a 2 night stay and I don’t welcome any one to come and stay in my house in Nigeria. Bee is right you guys also come to Nigeria and take the piss with your hosts. Expect someone’s nanny to double as your nanny, expect my driver to be driving you around, my generator to be on for you 24/7 and e.t.c then you make noise when it’s your turn. Ultimately if you are traveling anywhere get your hotel money ready. Nothing wrong with you staying in a hotel if you come to Nigeria same way Niegrians should when they travel. Let everyone respect themselves .

      1
    • Olu

      April 21, 2016 at 11:35 pm

      On point Kadara….

    • Og

      April 22, 2016 at 6:07 am

      My dear anybody that leaves America to stay with you for 3months in Nigeria is really jobless! That luxury of time or vacation from work we do not have. I know on the average people stay 1 month or less when they travel back home. There is a huge difference having a guest for 3weeks vs. 3months. Secondly like you mentioned sharing driver, chauffeur etc at least when you are at work etc you real don’t need those pepole 24/7. In US you are chauffeur, cook, house help, wife, mother and work full time. Haba there is do much one person can do. So comparing housing guests in Naija and US is comparing apples to oranges

    • LEM

      April 22, 2016 at 9:41 am

      @Og, exactly, most people coming to naija stay 2-3 weeks at most from my experience. More often than not its either for christmas, a family function or maybe a family emergency. @ Kadara, please life in Naija is different from life abroad o. In naija a middle to upper class family can afford a maid and driver who can help with guests as long as they don’t take undue advantage at your expense and are decent enough to at least give them tips once in a while. On the other hand, those abroad can hardly afford a housekeeper talk less of a driver even if you are well to do, so the host is expected to do all these for a guest then imagine the guest staying two-three months, not giving any help (i.e housekeeping or buying groceries). Bottom line, if you want to stay in a hotel its fine. But if you are staying in someone’s house, please do respect yourself and be a good houseguest don’t complain that when xxx was in your house you did so and so and now they are treating you like a burden. If you feel that way, please do not stay in xxx house again and if xxx decides to come to your house you can ‘retaliate’ in accordance to your grievance. Oh and I reside in naija by the way but if I travel and have to stay in someone’s home I make sure I pull my weight and support as much as I can.

    • Kadara

      April 22, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      @Og and LEM , we may have drivers and maids in Nigeria but then balance that with the many things we have to deal with daily. I sit in hours of traffic to get to work bouncing from one pothole to another, sit in hours of traffic to get from one meeting to the other then sit for hours in traffic to get back home to No Light and No Water yet many guests will still expect you to then come back and take them out or entertain them ! Just the same way you get pissed that you go out maybe in the cold to hustle all day and then you get home to some Nigerian guest expecting entertainment .I pay through my nose to run my generator ( while paying NEPA bills for no actual light o) so when I have to run it on for more hours than usual for a guest that’s a big inconvenience.That driver and maid come with their own headache that we deal with daily. If not that they are a necessary evil because things are so scattered here, many of us would rather not have the headache of dealing with them . If the driver is not bashing your car , the maid is stealing or breaking things! When my nanny has to take care of your kids it means her full focus is no more on my kids that I paid her for. My sister’s friend demanded her nanny take her kids to the salon while my sister’s kids either have to go the salon and be uncomfortable for hours while not making their hair or She’ll have to look for someone to stay home with them. When my driver has to take you out it means I will have to sacrifice going to somewhere I planed to. People have to stop assuming that life in NIgeria is somehow easier (if life was indeed easier here many of you would have come back) so it’s okay for you to come to Nigeria and expect everyone to cater to you but you shouldnt have to do the same because you don’t have help. When you come here and have to use my driver and nanny you’ve disturbed my routine which is something we value just as much as you do. It doesn’t matter if you stay for 2 weeks or more, either way you are disturbing your hosts routine. Talking about using my driver while at work. Is it not petrol my driver will use to drive back home to pick you up and drive you around? Normally while at work , our drivers run errands that are essential so when thy have to act as cabs to guests its at the expense of something else! My maid has a routine also so when you visit with possibly your family you are adding to the workload and since she’s not a machine (even machines have limits) that means something will suffer possibly the quality of her work that will end up creating a problem for me. Let everyone just stay in hotels except for maybe immediate families (depending on the type of family you are) and even those visits should be kept short.

    • tope

      April 22, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      Dont mind this “American people” when they come to Naija they expect you to put on your gen all day, take them to eko to buy stuff, oyingbo to buy crafish and melon. Bank to do bvn, lekki to see their childhood friend. They think they are the onlu ones that have bills. Shioo

    • Proudly nigerian

      April 23, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Reading most of these comments by people in the ” America” feeling like original “americanas” why do they feel like they have done the almighty for their host?
      Whenever a person agrees to host a guest it should be from the heart wherever you are not because you may be living in America so what? You should expect that it may be pleasant or not so pleasant.

      Many of you in that America lie about many things or create a false illusion especially your living conditions. Lie lie packaging. And many Nigerians don’t understand that may of you live by check to check or credits cards to go by.

      Don’t people in Nigeria also host you when you return for visits in Nigeria?
      For Nigerian Americans hosted by Nigerians:
      Dont Nigerians in nigeria drive you around?
      Put on generators for you?
      Dont you over work their maids both you and yoyr children?
      Don’t they feed you?
      Dont your kids scatter their houses?
      Do they complain?

      It’s even worse because one has to make the environment favourable and most of your kids are so unbelievably spoilt and rude. Very few Nigerias living abroad have kids well brought up some can’t even wash their pants or dishes hahaha
      I dont have a toddler but what do you expect a toddler to do in a house? Sit down still?

      On the issue of awof, a stingy person will always complain. I won’t expect a visitor in my house to pay my bills or feed me. Although it is not out of place to offer to help. Americanas if you know you are struggling simply tell the person that you can’t host the person or suggest the person contributes to the home.

      I advise that any body going to visit or deliver should sort themselves out. Nigerians have lost that brotherly love they once had. No need to make them feel like Lords.

      After all is there any special thing in America? I speak from experience. Even the so called hospitals are overrated. You see the big gadget clean environment and you feel like wow. Cost of health care in America is too high for nothing much done for you. it a huge scam whether it is delivery, labs , medical treatment just name it. We have very good doctors in Nigeria and some good hospitals but thanks to the incompetent leaders they are not celebrated and many other factors seem to work against our great nation but Nigeria will rise again.

      Let them tell you how they toil morning to night drive very long distances say sir or ma to small children. Or continually feel they could have gotten better treatment if not for the colour of their skin.

      Abeg o jare. Let us make Nigeria great again.

    • PATRICIA

      April 24, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      I agree 100% I am a hotel person myself.

    • Lasvino

      August 25, 2016 at 6:43 am

      You’re xo on point, I just thought about this fact.thumbs up

    • Kadara

      April 21, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      @Jenny , life abroad is not different to life in Nigeria. Both are hard and no one needs guests creating more stress

  3. Oga o

    April 21, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    There are now hostels for birth tourism visitors. Rent an apartment. Find a day care for toddlers. Nigerians need to stop inconveniencing people. If you do stay with someone, contribute to feeding, offer to pay for something, before you leave give your host or their children a gift.

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      Simple! Either you put up or you shut up. If you can afford to give birth abroad you can surely pay for your accommodation.

  4. Ada

    April 21, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Lol atoke ive seen a lot of women not think about that and they end up annoying the host…like not even helping out with money, yet wanting them to do all these and eating and high electric bills..not even buying simple thing as bread..yet goimg around shopping..
    Personally respecting peoples space is vital not misuse their kindness. Common sense

  5. Somebody

    April 21, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    I’m saving up to have my baby in the US. Even if it “kills” me. But is it worth going broke and starting afresh for? Any benefits for my husband and I. Enlightened people, pray tell.

    • miss Pynk

      April 21, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Nothing for you or husband until your child is 18 and can file for you. That said if you can afford it – I don’t see how giving your child options is a bad thing. Afford it meaning you can get a place, pay for uber or car rentals when you need to run errands and not wait on anyone and comfortably pay your hospital bills – absolutely see no reason not to.

      If your money can be put to better use then kindly ignore the US option….afterall many people born in Nigeria end up with US passports….and Many more havr garnered success to the point where getting visas are not an issue.

    • miss Pynk

      April 21, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Is*

    • Kwo kwo

      April 21, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Like how much in naira does this amount to

    • Help

      April 22, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      Not 18 but 21.

    • Abena

      April 21, 2016 at 8:14 pm

      You should note that the US is now tracking foreigners who have babies in US hospitals and leave without paying the bills. Plan to have at least $15k on hand if you want to have a baby there. Atoke, can you please research and write about this?

    • Atoke

      Atoke

      April 21, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      Lol $$$$ *winks* I write for money :p

    • Bobbie

      April 21, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      $15k can’t be enuf for all ur expenses . In Maryland, Prince Georges hospital,almost $11k for virginal birth without epidural and $2k plus for the child.

    • Let's talk numbers

      April 22, 2016 at 2:55 am

      Let’s break down the cost for those considering giving birth abroad with or without staying with family/friends etc ( DMV estimate) for the minimum of 3 months.. This is bare minimum

      labor & delivery+baby – $13k – $16k (If vaginally, if not add about $5k.. I hear if you shop around it can be less…
      short stay apartment – $ 1,000 × 3 = $3,000
      utilities (gas, electricity, water etc) – $ 300 × 3 = $900
      food – $400 per month = $1,200
      transportation (Uber, taxi … whateva) $300 × 3 =$900
      Miscellaneous – $500+
      You gotta shop – $3,000
      Baby passport, check up, vaccination etc- $ 1,500
      Round trip ticket – $2,500

      The list of course can go on and on.. But minimum $ 26,500 – $36,500+ just to get started.. God forbid something goes wrong with delivery or the baby needs to stay in the NICU for an extended period of time… So for approximately 8.5M – 12M+ naira one can give birth in U.S.. Is it me or this shhhh cray cray..

    • African people and Medicaid

      April 22, 2016 at 4:49 am

      It’s funny because I was just discussing this with one of my clients in (will not mention the State) and she said her sister and sister in law came to America and have birth to their children for guess what? Free!!! I’m not sure how true this is, but they flew in, one from Ghana and one from Sierra Leone 3 months before birth, didn’t register with any Doctor and as soon as they were in labour called the ambulance, when asked about insurance they said they didn’t have any. Gave birth for free on Medicaid, and were covered for follow up for 4-6 weeks after birth. In this process they collected their US passports for children and they were off back on the plane. Only thing they really paid for were their flight tickets to come lol!! I stood there in shock as she told me.

    • Chioma Nwoke

      April 22, 2016 at 7:17 am

      For me, it was better health care that took me to the US. My children had a Lil complication after birth but they were really taken care of by the medical team so in the end, it was worth spending every penny. I stayed with an uncle for my first and it was wonderful experience. Consciously made sure i was the perfect guest (lol). For my second, since i knew I was travelling with my bubu, who was at that time, a noisy toddler, I rented an apartment in Houston (Pampared Stay) and I must state here that I will advise everyone do same. I also rented a vehicle throughout my stay and it was just perfect. Registered bubu at a daycare so I had plenty ME time during the day before mum joined us.

    • ifeoma

      April 22, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      .how much did u spend in all like an estimate.thanks

    • Ini

      April 22, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      It is worth it in every way plus you don’t have to go broke you can have your bayby with less than 5k dollars.

    • lola

      April 23, 2016 at 7:28 am

      Ini, but how? With less than $5k or let’s say $5k exactly. Would you mind enlightening. Thanks!

    • geriana

      April 23, 2016 at 12:36 am

      are you living in your own house? if not, channel that savings into owning a home. I have a friend who went to the US to have a baby, she returned with worry from thinking of her next house rent which was due,

  6. The real D

    April 21, 2016 at 2:30 pm

    Ummm..yes yes yes. In fact, one of my cousin’s that I am not close to came here to have pikin. Was not informed until the baby Don drop (not close at all). I guess tension are rising where she came to stay and she still plans spending another 3 months. She now called me that she wants to come and visit me. My dear, me self gave one cock and bull story. I can’t host no one for that long. You have to feed, clean and all. Nope. Stay where you are or go home early. The child is already a citizen anyway. But I am not about to share in that not like that at least.

  7. busola

    April 21, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    Please don’t assume that because you brought a box of Indomie and Danshiki from Akerele for your host, it’s now okay for you to spread leg and do Ikomo’. Too funny… but valid!

  8. nwa nna

    April 21, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Atoke omo iya chop double knuckle nne! Your write up is on the mark like a mofo..
    Most Nigerians coming going to have their babies in Yankee are very ill prepared for it, especially the logistics of getting around.. They expect people to drop whatever they are doing at the drop of dime to take them shopping, doctor’s appointment etc because visiting Nigerians visiting don’t understand people plan their schedules out in advance…
    Also while they’re at your house, na so dem go dem go open your tap dey run your hot water like Lake Victoria Falls and thenleave your lights on when not being used forgetting sey people dey pay utility bills for Yankee 😀

    • Ijeoma

      November 5, 2016 at 11:19 am

      I beg to disagree Ma’am. Please visit Nairaland’ travel section and read up how Nigerian women who are travelling to gave birth do pay for their accommodation, hospital bills and other incidentals. Some of us were raised right and will not bail on paying for our expenses!

  9. lafayettebunny

    April 21, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Hmm,if only these people would read this piece and come prepared. Now, my friend is going to have a house guest over summer, as she she coming to have her baby. She is is already complaining about Dallas sun and insinuating she would be needing rides. Ahn ahn, i am like she either installs uber app for her or she just stay put in Abuja to birth her baby. What insolence, you are complaining of it been sunny in summer and wondering if you can cope when you live in Abuja. oh please!, thank God i cant host anyone, Louisiana is not a destination of choice for Nigerians .lol

    • Cajun mama

      April 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

      Hahahahahah… You live in Lafayette too? Once I tell people I live in the boonies, they just let me be. Louisiana isn’t on the cool list.

    • zenny

      April 21, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      ……And sun na die, especially during summer time. it spring now and it already from 80 degrees and up. If you don’t have car in Dallas or TX as a whole OYO ni o.

  10. Chi

    April 21, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Girllllll this needs to be given to every pregnant lady that steps off the plane !!!!
    I live in Texas and have experienced this too many times ! Like I literally hate to not help people but this one Na stress !

    Randomly two weeks ago my boyfriends friend who I’ve probably seen twice In my life asked could his little sister come stay with me . Whaaaaaa no I don’t know her or you . He literally said I should arrange accommodation. Meanwhile I hosted his wife who I barely knew some time back and she was the rudest thing going ! The wife was the one who had been looking for child for years once she got the baby she was even worse ! She expected me to wait on her hand and foot for free !!! FOH ! Who free epp ?

  11. Ms.b

    April 21, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    Hian!! They are anot staying forever Na. Just endure, thats why we r africans and have family values. The ability to accommodate someone is a blessing, though they can be annoying at times, but just know its for a while and not forever. I totally agree with the chauffeur one, let them rent a car or uber atleast.

    • Nahum

      April 21, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      Ms.b, this mentality of yours is what I HATE!!! This “endure” mentality. Why should I endure your filth, laziness, waste and inconvenience in my own home? Why??? How will my enduring your rubbish benefit the world? Why can’t we Nigerians behave ourselves? I stay in the DMV and I tell people, No, it is not convenient for me. I have three young kids and I can’t accommodate you. Point blank! Please look for an Airbnb or have your baby in Naija. Life is too short to endure nonsense.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 21, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      I’m actually all for that spirit of African community, to be honest with you. And to an extent, I will go out of my way and suffer certain inconvenience for visitors who aren’t even that close to me in reality just because of some of the reasons you’ve given – i.e. they’re not staying forever, our innate ability as Nigerians to agree to offer temporary accommodation to our own at short notice, etc.

      However, coming to have a baby. Nne, sit down and think on it small, na. That’s a huge undertaking that needs to be thoughtfully planned. If you know you’re going to be heading to “the overseas” as part of your birthing plan, go prepared in every way. Don’t suddenly ring up that cousin that you never contacted for the 10 years she’s lived in Dallas or start devising temp accommodation arrangements which involve her home. And if she says yes from the goodness of her heart, don’t make her regret it.

      The lesson isn’t just for going to other countries to have babies but for all kinds of travel where you may need to find someone to host you for a period. Don’t take the mick, is all Atoke is saying here.

    • DatEnuguChic

      April 22, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      Hahahahahaha. Will you host me next year for summer, at least as a fellower bellanaijarian

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 25, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      I could… But probably won’t if you’re a complete stranger, except we had a tangible connection. We don’t have to be close, I just have to either know who you are or know someone who actually knows you.

      Same reason why I wouldn’t roll up to your house to crash simply as a “fellow bellanaijarian”.. 🙂

  12. Kokoro Dudu

    April 21, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    Having a baby in the US is the in thing now but trouble lies ahead. As a US citizen, you are required to pay taxes on the income you make outside of the US. So really thousands of these kids being born are already in eternal servitude to Uncle Sam once they start working. And when it comes to tax payment, don’t even think of f*king with the IRS. They could move to the US though.

    • Kunle Alaafia

      April 21, 2016 at 3:27 pm

      Boss, ain’t you paying tax(es) on your income in Nigeria for work done? It’s the same thing here in US. Moreover, you have the opportunity to get some refund on the taxes paid if you didnt make enough money at the end of the fiscal year. There is nothing nothing bad in paying taxes because the money collected is justified through good roads, free schools (elementary and high sch), security and other social amenities being provided by the govts. If you are privilege to have your baby in US, pls do take it but don’t try to inconvenient your host. Nothing as such as “servitude for the rest of your life”.

    • ballerina

      April 21, 2016 at 5:30 pm

      The issue here is that the US taxes on worldwide income regardless of where you actually live. Other countries, including Nigeria, only tax on income earned within that country or while you are resident in that country (typically for 180 days or more).

      From a tax perspective, US citizens who do not live in the US still have to pay taxes to the US govt whereas citizens of other countries do not.

    • Amaa

      April 21, 2016 at 6:49 pm

      Ps kindly note that the police in the Us is cracking down on the birth tourism hotels because the Chinese have abused it so be careful . Stay with someone and make them want to have you back because you where nice considerate. If it’s heating bills in winter or groceries or making breakfast for children just be helpful . I assure you they will be the first one asking you when is your next baby coming.
      Canadians have to file for taxes where ever you even if you have permanent residence card . You receive services from the consular of your country even if you are abroad you still have benefits like child care as inthe case of Canadians if you are not in the country so it’s not a big deal because you get tax refund

    • FATCA

      April 22, 2016 at 7:45 am

      Yes o, US FATCA.

    • CC

      April 22, 2016 at 8:35 pm

      If you live abroad you do not pay income tax unless you earn over a certain amount, currently that amount is $90,000 annually. Taxes are not as big a deal as you’d think.
      Aside from freer travel, a benefit to having US Citizen children is university. Not having to pay the international student fee is always great & qualifying for financial aid too is a plus.

  13. miss Pynk

    April 21, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    Folks need to add in accomodation to their delivery bill. Realistically its anywhere upwards of $1000 or more per month depending on location. Too many cases of stories that touch – expecting mothers going to visit folks and staying because initial hosts have asked them to leave. Or some even accusing host of sleeping with the husband. Someone else the Nigerian folks kept complaining about no money after the kid was born they went and shipped a container to Lagos – the host was in a daze? Not because she needed their money but because it’s common sense if you feed off someone for at least 3 months at least find a way to help with some bills – the pregnant womam is homr eating daily and running up bills….if you offer and the person says no, give the money to their kids or find a way to give them the money. Everyone should find their level….

    Accommodation is part of the cost of delivery – folks shouldn’t act like its not.

  14. Toyosi Phillips

    Toyosi Phillips

    April 21, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    “I was sha born in LUTH” ??? Atoke I love you

  15. Cookie

    April 21, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    My naija peeps be free loaders since time immemorial,always taking advantage of situations and people…Where do i even start,friends who come over and end up over staying,silly house guest who never seem to know their boundaries,they also don’t bring enough cash, you end up feeding,housing,financing them whilst they are around..

    Having a child abroad is not that deep,especially if you are resident in Nigeria. If it’s that deep for anyone,then i say save save save so you can rent an apartment for the entire 1-3months stay after delivery.. Sort out transportation,Medicals the whole nine yards…Life here is way different from naija,aint nobody gat time to be @your beck and call…
    There are hostels in every country in the world,there’ bed and breakfast,etc.. When i travel outside my state in the US or anywhere in the world i either do hotels or hostels…I love my space and i hate to be an inconvenience to anyone..

  16. OA

    April 21, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    This is so funny and real. I know the kind of person I am – mo konra (naturally cranky). It won’t take long for me to get tired and kick them all out. And like Atoke said will want to avoid killing relationships, so I won’t allow it period. My sister on the other hand na natural mother hen. Well the last time she had a nephew’s wife stay with her to have her baby, all the things Atoke mentioned above happened. However, I will mention the good and the bad.
    1. She brought a very unruly toddler who would wake up in the middle of the night and say “I wan pancake!” They will now be making pancake in the midnight.
    2. Then all the extended relatives that “moved” into my sister’s house nko? It was a disaster! Some of them even came from Naija with the mother in law (who is my cousin) to be so-called assisting my cousin. People were streaming back and forth in the house. I used to feel so uncomfortable when I would go and visit…it was like ile-face-to-face in Lagos.
    3. Luckily my sister had a spare car that they could use, but at times, they had to use taxi oh.
    The one good thing they did was my cousin made sure the house was always packed with food. I also would bring food/drinks and snacks over (don’t even know why). Cousin even had caterer make plenty food for the house on more than one occasion. I was like afi be. Se my sister whose kids are grown anyway and who doesn’t cook…you will starve if you are waiting for her to cook for you. My brother in law was frustrated beyond words. He couldn’t wait for them to pack their load and go.
    4. Of course the ikomo was at my sister’s house. Again, can you imagine that my sister and I were the designated ones to go and collect food from the caterers they used. I was like next time, please pay for delivery. I live very far from my sister and the caterers were not exactly close to my sister’s and much further away from me – in rush hour traffic?!
    5. Finally, when my cousin was leaving she gave my sister and I a gift each. She was grateful. But the nephew’s wife nko, she didn’t even have the decency to call and dagbere (say bye-bye) when she left. I was like na wah oh! All these young ges in Lagos of nowadays. No respect whatsoever.

  17. Berry Dakara

    April 21, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    Excellent writeup Atoke. I think that if you’re staying in someone’s house for more than 3 to 4 weeks, you certainly need to help out whether it’s financially or with chores, etc. Such visits need to be planned out thoroughly. I have a friend who rented a short term apartment for his wife, and hired a lady to help her out before, during and after she gave birth. Like someone mentioned above, there are people “helping out” with birth tourism now. You pay them obviously but you both have an agreement on what the parameters are – being driven around, being cooked for, etc.

    The bottom line is that very frank discussions need to be had BEFORE such arrangements are made to stay with friends or family. Like the lady that showed up with her toddler… why didn’t she tell her host beforehand? Sha do your due diligence and have a plan B if things go sour between you and your host.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 21, 2016 at 5:30 pm

      I was actually just thinking to myself that this birth tourism of a sumtin needs to generate some sort of business ideas for quick-thinking Nigerians. And now you’ve confirmed that it already has… trust my people, never shy to make a buck. 🙂

      How’s the move to your new homefront been? Read your article the other day but I was too lazy to comment… All the best to you and Cakes, may The Good Lord establish the desires of your heart in your new digs.

    • Berry Dakara

      April 21, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      My dear! I know someone that was charging $5k per client o. It’s not a small business.

      The! We’re doing well. Meanwhile we’re heading your way next month! Meet up?

  18. ATL's finest

    April 21, 2016 at 3:25 pm

    Lmao ?????Yes Ma’am write a book on this junk & let these pregnant women get with the program. These folks needs to understand that help/housing/feeding you isn’t d problem. But when u have that mentality of Me been a maid to U , that’s d problem. Clean up after yourself & be polite. I already work crazy shifts so, if u can drive to Walmart while I’m sleeping that WL b nice. Don’t wake me up for silly stuff . Some of them think like they are back home where u have f entire FAM/world around u when you have a baby. Oh well the bills don’t stop coming over here so I, have got to work. E pass my parents, my grandparents or immediate FAM abeg no come. Stay your house cuz I’m done hosting. Not all the time I wanna be bothered by anyone & that includes my parents visiting from up North ??. Thanksgiving/4th of July una go see me.

    • ATL's finest

      April 21, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      *the*entire fam

  19. Mr. Egghead

    April 21, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    Nice article, This thing na very serious issue.

    Providing accommodation for another person in the US is a big deal. It is a very big deal. My brother has a green card but he can’t travel because finding a “relative” who will harbour him for the transition period has become impossible despite all his “uncles and aunties” in Yankee.

    When you have to pay for every utility you use, save oxygen, it can be very irritating to deal with someone who does not switch off the TV/light bulb before leaving the room.
    Because this is a largely communal country where everybody is “Uncle this or Aunty that”, many will not be ready for the culture shock and they will go back to Nigeria and tell the entire clan that “Aunty in America is very wicked, she dinor allow me to deliver complete before asking when we dey go back Naija.”

    Anyhow sha, the hustle for blue passport will continue. Everybody wants a better life for their children.

    • beauty

      April 21, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      Hi mr egghead

  20. tee

    April 21, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    I think people don’t just prepare well I had my baby in the US. I contacted the hospital and obgyn myself and got the costs, etc (Google is your friend). I found a short let apartment online and rented it for 3 months. As for transportation, thank God for uber. It was a wonderful experience. Everything is easy with technology these days.but you have to be ready to pay the cost which is much better than inconveniencing other people and causing friction in your relationships. You’Ll even make people disrespect you if you want to be a free loader.

  21. Marian

    April 21, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    OMG! Can someone please write one for people coming with visiting visa and unrealistic expectations. Sometimes I’m just like is it worth the stress and money?

  22. serendipity

    April 21, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    I think the reason you should go abroad to have a child is if your child has a serious medical challenge, that could be better addressed in a foreign country. you live or work there. have family or friends willing to shoulder the cost. The honest truth is that most Nigerians just want to keep up with the Joneses, had a cousin who did this, when my mum asked her why, she said her husband was feeling embarrassed, that all his colleagues and friends had their kids abroad, by the end of it they were over 4 million naira short, guess what their was nothing special about the child and that could have gone into a trust fund for future education, mtchewww…

    • Abk

      April 21, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      I don’t exactly agree with you. They’re many exceptional hospitals and medical centers as well as professionals in Nigeria that can offer many of these services. The main reason why people go to have their kids in the U.S. = passports, not because of better health care. Some of them use hospitals or medicals centers that aren’t even as good as the ones they use in Lagos or Abuja. Why do you think there are more Nigerians going to the U.S. to give birth as opposed to the UK? Citizenship is automatically given once you’re born in the U.S., in the UK, or the Netherlands, or Germany, etc, if you or your spouse aren’t UK citizens, forget it; your child or children won’t be UK citizens as citizenship is not by birth in the UK. In retrospect, the main reason Nigerians go to have their kids in the U.S., isn’t necessarily for “better health care”, but mainly for the passport.

    • Sierra

      April 22, 2016 at 4:04 am

      I am sorry but the birthing experience in naija is horrible and embarrassing! With all the aso ebi and weddings and things they spend money on, BIRTH EXPERIENCE should be humane for EVERY WOMAN REGARDLESS OF your income level.
      I love your article. I have kicked a pregnant woman out before…her comments were unnecessary abeg…

  23. Bee

    April 21, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    I just have to lend my thoughts into this discussion because it actually goes both ways. One thing I’ve learned in my experience with staying with some Naija peeps abroad is that some feel some form of entitlement… some kind of fake superiority complex that they automatically assume you coming to birth in their house were previously homeless or in dire need of assistance. Like you was feeding me before I got on the plane… like you paid my return airfare plus that of my newborn, plus any other person I choose to bring along. Seriously I’ve been in this situation twice, each one worse than the last, all because I chose to stay with perceived family. Infact the money I spent on that house would have been MORE than enough to get me a studio apartment and stay on my own jejely. With the upfront cash we dropped for them, Plus all the naija foodstuff that filled one big box, they couldn’t even finish half of it before I left, I paid for groceries… even up to TISSUE PAPER!!! I had an international drivers license but I was forbidden to drive just because they didn’t want their house as forwarding address in case I got into trouble with police.. bla bla at the end I had to fastrack my kid’s passport and escape before I ran stark raving mad. Truth be told, Im only just recovering from the mental torture I went through. It has about permanently marred my relationship with those peeps. Even now when I travel, I jejely book my hotel, carry my AVIS card and I can come and visit and go back to my hotel. In ending this rant, anybody that has the dough to spend on abroad ‘borning’ for whatever reason should still save up some more cash and rent your own place… even if na long stay inn. befriend a good cabbie and you’re set up. I just needed to vent abeg. These write-ups about how to live with people in the US just irks me jare. Like weren’t you in Naija before you finally lotteryed yourself to the US? didn’t you host people in your house? when you come for holidays don’t we bend over to attend to your every need? Put on the gen throughout the nite cos you cant stand the heat even in fuel scarcity? give you car and driver cos you’re a high risk individual??? abeg make I stop here jare before I burst a vein. Blame the typos on temper.

    • Joy

      April 21, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      God will bless u…. while i cant stand people misusing deir opportunities when they travel to birth their lil ones, these IJGB when they come in, we seriously bend over to satisfy them.

      I have an Uncle.. i love him o but when he comes around, he expects everyone to bend over n help him do everything. meanwhile its only to pick me up at Heathrow he does when i get to his end, i move about myself, i cook myself and the works..

      So pllueaseeee!! they sef shld park well..

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      You choose to have your baby abroad, yet you cant afford the accommodation. You must have saved 4 years rent on your rented apartment to do so, just to keep up with the Jones. Stop fronting, you scrapped and scrapped to have the baby abroad and begged for accommodation from relatives. And that bag of rubbish foodstuff that you claimed to have given your relatives must have made up of indomie and garri which is cheap and plentiful abroad. They probably could not eat the crap thats why it was still there when you left.
      Abeg GTHOH with your inferiority complex!

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      Pls keep quiet jor! Nigerians be fronting since 196o! So why didnt you just book a hotel straight up instead of begging for accommodation. You obviously either did not have the money to rent an apartment/hotel in the first place or else you would not have gone to inconvenience them.

      I really hate it when Nigerians with their uppity and inferior complexes come to the UK/US and be making noise about how they cant live abroad/have bigger houses/cars at home etc bblalah blah. Abeg pls stay home and give birth to your sprogs or if not book your own hotels before you land.

    • Bee

      April 21, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      Wow!.. for real?!! if I wasn’t amazed at the superior stupidity in this post I would’ve had a better response for you. News flash!!! we CHOOSE to give birth abroad because we CAN afford it. Kapisce?

    • Bee

      April 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      … And in case you missed that part… I said I’ve actually learned my lesson. So Don’t worry, I will keep booking my hotels whenever I travel to the US/UK .I wont bother you in your council flats with my ‘uppity inferiority complex’ Can you breathe easier now?

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 5:19 pm

      @Bee
      Not everyone abroad lives in a council flat for your information. Some of us are doing very well with our detached houses. This is the exact uppity and inferior complex I was referring to. Imagine thinking all Nigerians abroad live in a council flat, just because your acquaintances happen to do so. Its like saying everyone in Nigeria is broke when its obviously not true. Put your money where your mouth is and next time just book an hotel

    • A

      April 21, 2016 at 7:40 pm

      I completely understand Bee o. Having lived in the Us, hosting people coming to birth their children and now Moving back home. My husband and I were talking about going to the US to born baby 2 and I have refused to stay within anyone!!! That thing is drama! Looking back, as a host, there are things I could have done better. And my guests could surely surely have done better too! They barely bought jack into the house, ate ate and ate, waited for me to do everything for them. Maybe I could have communicated better to ensure friction didn’t arise. Anyway, I told hubby no be by force to go born pikin for Obodo oyinbo! If I can’t get a studio, never mind. I go born my pikin where I dey. We can definitely afford for me to stay alone, rent a car and get help but he is scared of me staying all by myself in case of any emergencies especially health wise etc. Well, I have put my foot down on this one. No apartment by myself, no blue passport for now.it is not by force by tulasi!!!

    • Smh

      April 21, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      Thank you jare. I can taste the bitterness in their comments. Your insecurity and inferiority complex is hilarious. The fact you and the other bitter have a sense of entitlement is mind blowing.

      First of all, it seems to me like you “bend over backwards” for your guests because you want them to do the same. And not from the kindness of your heart. Human beings will always disappoint. The earlier you know this, the better. No one begged you to turn on gen 24/7 or pay for their food. Stop whining.

      Secondly, e Pele oh. Why are you taking your frustration out on those living abroad? It’s extremely ignorant of you to assume everyone abroad lives in a council flat. How can you be this foolish? My goodness. You actually sound really jealous …go and apply for indefinite leave and stop spewing rubbish.

      Since you had “more” than enough money to rent a place, why did you go and stay with someone? Twice even LMAOO. When stunting goes wrong. You must be one of those people who expect other people to put their lives on standstill because you bought miserable indomie and garri. My friend will you gerrarahere.

    • morolake

      April 22, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      Wowww, ‘And so’ & ‘Bee’ do you know each other? This beef is real, ogini? Bad experiences much????

    • mrs chidukane

      April 21, 2016 at 5:10 pm

      God bless you @Bee. When they come back from the abroad with charity shop tshirts for your kids and cheap candy, feeling superior. You will feed them and house them and bend over backwards to make them comfortable. When you go to visit them, they will now be so busy and not have time for whatever. Please when you’re coming back to Nigeria book your hotel and a cab or Keke man. I will not be clearing my children’s room for you or taking you back to your hotel in the middle of the night after flexing you and paying for everything you eat and drink. Anyway, i’m sure there are people that live abroad that are not successful,including Nigerians. I wish we could just kill this notion that only people abroad can be really successful. Yes there are more opportunities and it may seem easier from outside looking in but success can be achieved in most places. I always say that our leaders don’t even believe in this country that’s why they prefer to steal and invest outside the country.

    • Anoni Moss

      April 21, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      @ And so, I will surely book a hotel not an hotel.

    • bee

      April 21, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      My dear you get me real good… are you my sister from somewhere?

    • Smh

      April 21, 2016 at 9:11 pm

      “Cheap candy”, “feeling superior”…. Sweetheart, your inferiority complex is alarming. Sounds like you are the one jumping to conclusions.
      I mean you guys that live in Naij come to England and America all the time and start harassing us about how you have help, space etc yet we are not here whining and being bitter.

      You have yourself to blame for thinking the way you do. Not anyone else.

    • busola

      April 21, 2016 at 6:02 pm

      Aunty, you vex gan! Na the same article we read so? Tbh, three months is too long to stay at someone else’s even if you do help out. Like… I really love my space and money/gifts cannot buy it.

    • Nne Umu Boys!

      April 21, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      @Bee you have said it all!!!!

    • Ann

      April 21, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      If you could afford to come give birth to your Child in the USA then why didn’t you get yourself an extended stay hotel in the first place. Not once but twice. You are actually the one with the silly sense of . Entitlement. Nigerians acting like as if people owe them.

    • Bj

      April 21, 2016 at 6:50 pm

      So because you gave then all that when they came to nigeria everything they have to do must come to a stand still because you came to have a baby in the US that they “lotteryed” them selves to. If coming to US is no big deal to you why not just stay put after your first bad experience? You need to check your self if you had bad experiences both times,.

    • Ngozi

      April 22, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      It’s a normal principle in life, don’t receive what you are not ready to give back. If you stay in people’s homes in Nigeria and they go all that for you it’s only normal for them to expect the same from you. That excuse of American is different is crap. Both societities have their own struggles so if you don’t want people staying in your home don’t stay in other people’s homes. Very simple

    • Buddy

      April 21, 2016 at 6:51 pm

      Mhen! I feel you! My last host for my second child’s birth was fantastic and she is my childhood friend. With my first, I stayed with my sister.
      Some pee are just horrible to stay with regardless of birth or not even common 2 weeks holiday. You would have been tired of all the nagging.
      I know Nigerians take the MICK sometimes but the American Nigerians just need to take a chill pull o jare with their rules. When they come to Nigeria, we usually bend over backwards to make them feel comfortable.

    • Amanda

      April 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      Nigerians are the most entitled people on this planet. Nobody owes you shit. Not every Nigerian that lives abroad stay in a council flat. There are many people doing extremely well. Be truthful to yourself the reason why you didn’t get an apartment both times was because you couldn’t financially afford it. Which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. But trying to act like people owe you is where you’ve missed it. Why didn’t you get a birthing tourism apartment the second time if you were treated like shit the first time. There are quite a number of them all around you know.

    • Smh

      April 21, 2016 at 9:13 pm

      Btw you went through all that trouble twice just so your kids can grow up too and live in council flats?????
      Congratulations, you played yourself ??

    • Stop the wickedness

      April 22, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      Shut da f*** up, haba… e do for you..only you how many comments. It is not her fault you live in a council flats or that you still have the slavery mentality of believing you are better off cos of your council flat

    • Ayinde

      April 22, 2016 at 4:45 am

      You are rightly on point, just had to post a supporting message. Not everybody in 9ja is an opportunist or an awoofdoojie, or is broke or doesn’t have a super comfy lifestyle, lot of people in the U.S or abroad rather have ruined good relationships because of the intolerance of their wives forgetting they came from 9ja and would still need help, in my own case I was persuaded to let my wife stay that she will be taken care of, this is a big house where u can be in ur room and be out of people’s business but still the wife wants to emphasise they doing u a favor by hosting u. I arranged everything cab funds, groceries on the regular gifts for the whole family I mean perfume, clothes, bag. When I came back after the birth and heard what the woman in the house tried to put my wife thru in my absence, this is even her fam anyways. I had to speed up the process got a car, an SUV for that matter so that they could get the message that not all of us living in 9ja are broke, paid express for all processes and the woman in the house keeps complaining that we shop too much, imagine (whose money is it) long and short is I can’t try it again ever, there is no need. If they beg u to come and stay please do not agree once there is a woman in the house, the problem is the wives in the house . Guess what, they came to 9ja with the whole fam and we provided everything accommodation on the island, car, driver every. But like I said that has ended the famzing.

    • Once bitten, twice shy

      April 22, 2016 at 5:07 am

      Just our of curiosity, after it happened the first time (bad experience with relatives) how come you didn’t stay in a hotel or short let the second time?

    • Ch

      April 22, 2016 at 9:07 am

      @Bee, I agree with you o. 2 of my sisters who’ve been to the US to give birth had funny experiences. And I’m not trying to justify anything cos I wasn’t there but these are sisters I grew up with, I live with one of them and I see how she goes out of her way to satisfy guests whenever they come to Lagos and I even always tease her that it’s cos you are not working that’s why you’ll be chauffeuring people upandan. My eldest sis stayed with her hubby’s younger sister. It was a nightmare. I for one wasn’t surprised though cos we know her already from Naija that she’s quite troublesome. She complained and quarreled about anything and everything, Honestly, I dnt even know where to start from. And my other sis, she stayed with our cousins. She did everything herself which is fine, But it got to a point that her host started hiding food from her, and this is even though she drops money for food (is that crazy or what)? And that’s why I prefer UK. One of my friends gave birth in the UK and I asked why not US. She said she made the choice of UK for health reasons (which was more important to her), as her brother lives there. She and her hubby didn’t have any close relatives in the US that they felt would accommodate with no hassles for that long in the US, and they didn’t want to inconvenience anybody since she had health challenges and the health system in the UK was just as great as well. She respected herself jejely and could stay as long as she wanted at her bro’s without any issues. Generally, I think people are more accommodating in the UK than US even for holidays. Whatever else may be the reason, I know transportation is a huge deal cos in the UK, your map and rail/bus pass is your friend and you can find your way anywhere, so you don’t depend on your host for ride. As for me, I’m srsly contemplating this US delivery craze.

    • inferioritycomplexlosewon

      April 23, 2016 at 1:05 am

      Me I just think this our dear american friends don want oda people (neighbours and friends) finding out about their family back home.

      U know the stereotype of the whites nau – africans live in caves with monkeys and chimpanzees.

      Most of them are ashamed. They wanna blend in. And ur very presence in their lives reminds them of the very thing they’ve been trying to run away 4rm.

      Like bee said if i cant stay in ur place while in yankee. beta rent sheraton hote when u enta naija bcos that’s d only place i can guarantee ur safety. goodluck.

    • Jay-en

      April 22, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      I don’t know who you all have stayed with but i stayed with the best. My sis inlaw for that matter and prior to delivery i have never met her. We only talked on the phone. I came with le hub and after he went back it more fun for me. Herself and her hub spoilt me silly. To think i was scared of her prior to meeting her. I heard she was an iron lady lol. They made me feel welcomed. Weekly trips to the mall,sometimes they follow me to the hospital appointments and the days they don’t they ask for feedbacks. They bought lots of presents for myself and my little one. When the baby came i had some complications and they took some time off to nurse me and my baby. I loved orange juice and they buy grape juice. But when they go grocery shopping they include orange juice for me and cheesecake. I shed alittle tears when i remember my experience with them. I never asked for any of these. They did out of their free will . How do you pay back such good deeds? I baby sit occasionally when her kids fall sick and cant go to day care. That was all oh. She bought lots of presents for me oh. They took me to bebes ( don’t know if that’s the spelling ) ,Ihops, olive garden restaurant, craker barrel and others i places i can’t remember. On Christmas eve they took me to some neighbourhood to look at some Christmas decorations( i am a bush geh i know) Omg i had mad fun! I was shedding tears on our way back. Sometines when i was frustrated with my little one’s cries she steps in and offers her assistance. I remember when we were going to go to atl to get my little one’s nigerian passport, she dropped us off at the airport in the morning on her way to work and picked us up in the evening and she gave me her jacket when i was shivering cos i kinda underestimated the weather. My own siblings won’t do that for me i swear. I can only love her and her family unconditionally and be there if she ever needs me. Sorry about the long epistle. Na as e touch me na im I write am.

    • Jay-en/ I'd rather remain anonymous

      April 23, 2016 at 5:42 am

      I thought my comment wasn’t posted so i retyped. Sorry

    • Oma

      April 23, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      That’s because they are quite buoyant. No doubt, from your story – very cool couple but they are apparently loaded!& natural givers! You know what? Lack actually makes people petty sometimes. When there’s money, there are certain things one will not take note off. Some folks might not be able to do all that because they don’t have, & they’re working two/three jobs to pay bills! & trust me, the bills just keep coming…that’s just it.

    • Stop the wickedness

      April 22, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      As in, you hit the nail on the head, I kept wondering if the commenters are human..such wickedness. I am a naturally cranky person and can be unaccommodating, but I sharpaly check myself whenever I have a guest because guess what, tables could turn tomorrow and u wud be the guest. It is unimaginable that you have such expectations of family e.g paying light bills and Co. If they do fine of thier own volition, fine but don’t hold it against them if they don’t.

      It speaks of poor breeding to be nasty to a ”guest”..tufia.. now I understand why my friend said she jejely paid for a place to stay even though she had family in the US

    • PD Young Billionaire

      April 22, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      @A….you can still have your baby abroad if you want and call 911 if there is an emergency regardless of your status.All the best!

    • Teju TJ

      April 27, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      When i went to Naija and met my inlaws for the first time. They didn’t leave the gen on for me all night o. In fact, they put it off the same time they typically do.
      If you can’t reschedule your routine for me, why should i reschedule my routine for you biko?

  24. Atoke's baby cousin

    April 21, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    Haha! Talking about my momma. That’s right we don’t want you in Houston jarè!

  25. Babyx

    April 21, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Good write up Atoke! n yeah the pendulum swings both ways. I agree with you @Bee 🙂

  26. X-Factor

    April 21, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    ”Otherwise, just stay in your own house jeje and have your baby in Nigeria. Your child will still have a chance at success”……. that’s a TOUGH REALITY to deal with in this age

  27. NaijaPikin

    April 21, 2016 at 4:26 pm

    I think the key thing is making sure you only take in close family and friends. That way everyone is free and can discuss things before they become issues. You know each others personalities so Noone will be vexing. If I enter room and close door, Noone will wonder what is wrong with me, they know I’m like that. If my friend doesn’t cook before I get home, it’s ok cos I know she hates cooking.

    When I’m in lag, my family and friends carry me up and down, they don’t allow me pay for anything. I can go to naija with $500 and still come back to yankee with at least half. I had friends running errands for me in Lagos during fuel scarcity. So naturally when they come to yankee I am overjoyed to return the favor. Keep in mind it’s easy for us because we all have a give and take relationship. When it is take, take, take all thentime, tensions will Def rise

  28. zenny

    April 21, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    The only people that are allow to stay with me while in America to have baby are my family( my brothers wife / my sister -in law) no extend family is allow unless someone that I’m cool with. No transposition service from me expect for weekends, since I woek mon-fr.

  29. Felinda

    April 21, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    Mr Future President Donald Trump. I hope you are reading this thread oohhh. 🙂

    • DualaGirl

      April 23, 2016 at 11:09 am

      you are silly! lol

  30. Mz Socially Awkward...

    April 21, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    Ahahahahahahahahaha!! … That last line… but yelz ke, Atoke, we who were also born in State University clinics way back in the day, identify with you. 😀

    Plus, wetin dey wrong with DMV, na? Biko, das where my extended association of Mbiaise community peepu have converged so trust that we “wee” find any of those Aunties wey don tell us of their big house with basement flat, for surely, one of the brethren must accommodate us on that maternity expedition… *evil grin*

    Seriously though, is it actually the case that people who go to have babies then decide to hold extensive naming ceremonies in their host’s home? Marking the 7-day cultural practise, regardless of location is understandable but using it as an excuse for a proper party when it’s not your own house? Ah, my people really need to fear God.

    Maybe na because una get acres of living space for yankee na why room for generosity fit dey. Imagine if Thatcher hadn’t scrapped automatic naturalization for babies born in the UK and someone came from Naija to cohabit with you in these confined flats/houses for 3 months…. With a new born baby plus another child and husband (and possibly, mother joining at a later date for omugwo). Automatic answer to that request would be, “No, I’m really sorry but that would be impossi-can’t. Let me send you a link to gumtree.co.uk for arranging your own short-let flat to rent”.

  31. Ruth

    April 21, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    @ bee couldn’t agree more.

    Imagine giving them d best when we dy come down only to be given d basement wen u come

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      Eyah! Pele o! Another one who cant afford hotel despite all the mouth… it is well with you ndooo Just go back to your rented flat on the Island which you can never own despite all your mouth.
      .

    • Ruth

      April 21, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Equality is when I don’t tell you when to do your laundry when ever you come over; don’t tell me the time and required volume of laundry to do.
      We both pay for power! Just in different currencies

      I open my kitchen to u and do not give you rules and regulations on what to eat and how to eat it. Don’t go hating on me. and to even think I go out of my way to make African delicacies when ever you are around just to make you feel at home is …….

      Best you could offer is to arrange my JUST ONE OF doctors appointment into one of your off days from your 20 jobs; not asking me to download uber on the first few hours of arriving from the airport.

      Now my ac runs 24 7, ur heating sud run at least 2 hours in a day!

      is it d truth
      Is it fair to all concerned
      Will it bring good will and better friendship
      Is it beneficial to all concerned
      Ponder on these

    • Monisola

      April 21, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      It’s difficult to satisfy people, someone gave you a while finished basement and you still complaining. You expecting them to vacate their bedroom for you cos you came from nja and live on the island? SMH

    • Bj

      April 21, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      No why not let them give you their bedroom because you came to visit. Do you kno how much a basement goes for in a month?

    • Ola

      April 21, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Don’t mind them. Forever feeling you owe them something

  32. Foluke Taiwo

    April 21, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    @Atoke!, your last sentence though! Hahaha!

  33. Alfa

    April 21, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    Praise be to Allaah.
    It was narrated that Abu Shurayh al-‘Adawi said: I heard with my own two ears and I saw with my own two eyes when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke and said: “Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour; whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest as he is entitled.” It was said, ‘What is his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “[The best treatment] for one day and one night; and hospitality is for three days, and anything after that is charity bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him, speak good words or else remain silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69. This version was narrated by al-Bukhaari.

  34. Fabulicious

    April 21, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    If you can hoard 3-5k dollars for secret shopping or afford your hospital bill then by all means go and look for an extended stay apartment abeg…It is not expensive..Infact it will teach you how to value your privacy and appreciate peace and quiet..Stop trying to inconvenience people all in the name of you need company or you want to stay with family.The worst of all if you are not a first timer..What do you want them to teach you?how to push abi how to be happy?some hosts do the most but some nigerian guests are just Uhhhhhhhhhh. And yes,i speak as an mini authority on this matter because i have done it for 3 babies in two countries and i learnt the joy of staying alone..You will even get your post baby body back sef cos no one is at your beck and call.

  35. LostInSpace

    April 21, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    Nice article but in my opinion. Many can’t afford it but just want the naija feeling “oh i had my baby in the usa” Anyone that can afford a bill of $10k – $25k, should be able to rent a place of her own place.. Make una dey pray make Trump no enter..LOL

  36. chichi

    April 21, 2016 at 6:08 pm

    I fall into the category of those that find it extremely difficult to share there space because I have lived abroad for a long time. I don’t care how nice you are, 1 week maximum you MIGHT get chance, but you better leave that toddler behind in Nigeria and in fact just don’t bother, it will never work. And no, I will not understand. The problem is as Nigerians and maybe even Africans in general, we tend to think everyone will just get with the programme, I have seen friends go crazy and not speak up at guest that misbehave or outstay their welcome its not fun and we have to learn to use compassion, my home is NOT your home so everything I say goes.

    • lily

      April 22, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      vanity upon vanity…will u carry your home to heaven. We value material things than building a good relationship with other people. Family members can be annoying and sometimes irrational however, they are still the same group of people that will carry our dead remains when we finally leave the earth.

    • Kele

      April 28, 2016 at 1:14 am

      So will you carry the good relationships you have built with your village kinsmen to heaven? What are you saying? The unnecessary sentiments with Nigerians I just do not get it.

      If they don’t want to carry your remains when you die, let them leave it. You’d be in your heaven or hell and no be you the smell and unsightly corpse go disturb.

  37. Cynical

    April 21, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    Atoke,nice article o…..
    Ok,speaking from the other side,I’ve had 3kids in the USA and all the time I stayed with my husbands aunt who’s a nurse(I give birth at the hospital where she works). I don’t have any horror stories but I have some advice for those planning to go and deliver….before I start,if you have the opportunity to go to the USA to deliver,grab it with both arms and both legs. The way Nigeria is going,your child will definitely need options.
    If you can afford it,please,ejoooo,bikonu….arrange for accommodation. It isn’t easy staying with someone especially after having been independent,lived in your own house and been a madam. It can be the best the first time when you are a JJC but after that….. If you must stay with someone be the best houseguest ever,pull your weight round the house,clean up after yourself,follow all the house ‘rules’ whether you like them or not after all no be your house. Offer to pay for stuff o,and if like my aunt they won’t collect money,pay in kind( I always make a pot of soup for her when she gets back). Remember,no one owes you ANYTHING ,so be extremely grateful to anyone who allows you stay in their house and show that gratitude everyday of your stay there.

  38. Cynical

    April 21, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    Btw,Houston bella Naijarians,where you at????? Hoping to visit soon……

  39. Le coco

    April 21, 2016 at 6:55 pm

    Nothing against these anchor babies nd parents.. I sha will not be doing it.. not cus i cnt afford it.. btI wasn’t raised tht way. some of my siblings were born abroad.. simply cus folks lived abroad at the time.. but the rest of us were lagos and abuja babies.. notin spoil.. I am still a citizen of the world.. lol

  40. SS

    April 21, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    so happy for this post,I need advice like seriously,my immediate elder sisteris comingto have a baby but she wants to come with her other 2 kids, I just startedpart time work so obviously not earning much….the bills still lieson my husband’s shoulder,my sister’s husband is a big boy but I am not sure if they know the needful,meaning to contribute because they would assume my husband can afford to take care of bills,meanwhile I am the one my husbandwouldbe complaining to,my question is I don’tknow how to tell her that they should contribute to at least feeding,my husband has already mentioned it,I don’t want a situation there would be rift between both families,he said could cope with bills but not feeding,the reason is they were here 3 years ago but contributed none,I don’t know how to tell her to be prepared to contribute for feeding,they are spending minimum of 3 months

    • Ola

      April 21, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      she is your sister so it should not be hard to tell her. let her know in black and white that she needs to contribute to the feeding and follow the rules of the house. three months is a long time in my opinion.

    • NaijaPikin

      April 21, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      I’m saying. If you can’t talk to your blood sister and be real with her, who you wan discuss with?

    • Babe

      April 21, 2016 at 8:06 pm

      Like seriously, what are you expecting us total strangers to tell you? You simply have to let you sister know. I have an older sister as well and she is the type that quite a lot of times feels since I am younger than her, I CANNOT tell her or even advise her. BUT when it comes to anything in MY house, I will let her know how I like things to be. We fall out every once in a while, but my dear it is needed. It was actually from falling out with my sister that I realised that falling with someone is sometimes a good thing. When we start talking again she is more cautious….

      You simply have to talk to your sister and let her know that she will need to contribute biko. She should even know this considering that she is older than you. I’m surprised she doesn’t. I wouldn’t mention to her how your husband feels. Afterall, no be everything you suppose tell your siblings, the same way no be everything you suppose tell your husband.
      If your sister no gree, then my dear let her find somewhere else to stay. You are not asking for too much. This is your home you’re talking about not hers.

      Sounds like you need to speak up more often.

    • Tinkerbell

      April 21, 2016 at 8:34 pm

      Please chop liver quickly and tell her you will be needing money for food. You have every right to. Three extra mouths to feed for three months is a lot. In my opinion tho, it’s better you have a heart to heart with her and encourage her to get an apartment since you say the husband is rich. You can go there and visit to help out.

    • Hiannn

      April 21, 2016 at 9:14 pm

      Coming with 2 kids and staying for at least 3 months? My gosh!!!! Omo that’s a decade o! Not trying to be a stirrer but that’s long na!

      Ooh no offence to lag big boys but perraps her husband pretends to be one but notin notin for pocket ? Because if you get scatter, Pride sef no go let you eat free with no contribution

    • Oge

      April 22, 2016 at 8:58 am

      SS, maybe you should just forward this post to your sister. ?

    • Idomagirl

      April 22, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      She is your sister, why can’t you tell her?

    • PD Young Billionaire

      April 22, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      My dear,tell her exactly the way it is.So that she can be fully prepared.

    • PD Young Billionaire

      April 22, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Also give her a long list of naija foodstuff to bring including noodles cos of the kids.With that,your trips to African store will reduce.

    • Dudulee

      April 24, 2016 at 2:25 pm

      I get u might not be able to tell ur older sister such, but wat i’d do in dat situation is to confide in my mum or dad (whoever she listens to best) to talk to her abt contributing during her stay as she knows her younger sister wdnt ask dat but she should be reasonable and do so.

  41. Mgbeke

    April 21, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    Lmao! Ndi abroad have come out in full force. Even those their whole village contributed to send abroad are claiming “inconvenience” at hosting family for 3 months. It is well o. When you went abroad for the first time did you pay rent before leaving? Did you not stay with family for a while? It is well o!

    • Abby

      April 22, 2016 at 1:27 am

      You have a point, but the fact that they used village scholarship does not mean someone should come and scatter their routine na!
      I stayed with my aunt for a few days before I moved to another state to my bare apartment. While with her, I washed the dishes when she was away instead of having her come home from work to load the dishwasher ( I didn’t know how to load the dishwasher well at that time). I cooked and made sure my room and the living areas were always tidy. I did not expect her to pick up after me and my baby, cook for me and drive me all over New Jersey. I learned to use the Tri state public transport: NY, NJ and PA. In fact, one day I nearly fell off the train station escalator with my less than one month old baby strapped to my chest going from NJ to NY to visit some relatives who have not been of any assistance to me in my life! I yelled yeepa! before I realized I was not in Ibadan. Lol.
      But seriously, it’s OK to need help, but you have to try and lessen the burden of anyone trying to help you in a strange land. We need to realize that folks abroad have developed a routine to survive due to the minimal/no support system and a long term guest can upset the balance just by being there. Not to talk of being a lazy lout, littering every where with all sorts and expecting to be waited on hand and foot.

    • Dudulee

      April 24, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      So true…lol @ yeepaa

  42. S

    April 21, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    SS, I think you need to have a candid conversation with your sister about how you both can help each other while she’s there. This is the kind of things that has the potential to break up families. Also always let your husband think you are on his side and communicating his needs so that a situation won’t arise where he’ll have to address your sister or her husband about any failings. I think if you have parents, mention it to them so they can tactfully suggest to your sister what she could do to make her stay easy on both of you. I hope you both come out of this with some affection left for each other. Just do your best for your sister and don’t let any resentment stick.

  43. Sabifok

    April 21, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    This “birth migration” of thing na wire o. Trump even knows about it because he has threatened to put an end to the granting of citizenships through mums who go to the US just to give birth. My whole thing about the issue is the following:

    – You see some mums go to Yankee to give birth. They refuse to lift their fingers to help the hosting family. They overstay their welcome and never contribute a finger, even as a gesture of goodwill. But everyday they expect to be driven to Katy Mills, Ross, Marshalls, TJ Maxx where they spend fortunes on designer clothes, shoes and cosmetics. Na wa o. Nigerians no sabi the hire car from Avis or Hertz. What about bringing your international license with you so that you can drive, especially if you are coming to somewhere like Texas

    – Another thing that gets forgotten is that the host family is responsible if the mum has any complications. Most of the time, the pregnant mum comes to Yankee alone without her hubby who remains in Nigeria flexing and chasing UNILAG girls. The host family in Yankee are burdened by being expected to perform the husband’s roles including taking the mum to the hospital on the day of delivery and staying overnight with her especially if she has a C-section. What about when there are complications with the birth like excess womb fluid or high blood pressure? Na the host family go dey make medical decisions. If the mum come die nko? Them go talk say host family use am do juju for Yankee?

  44. Yetty

    April 21, 2016 at 9:15 pm

    A long lost friend from NYSC suddenly messaged me on fb, ‘ore mi, please do you have any ob gyn friends/ colleagues? My sister wants to come have her baby in Philly. ‘
    I said, ‘ Ore mi, unfortunately, I have no ob gyn friends o. Only cardiologiststs’.
    I have had family friends stay with me with toddlers, expect to be chauffeured around on shopping sprees, fed, picked up after and have their kids babysat. In fact once I took one shopping for a whole day, paid my babysitter the equivalent of my 1 full day’s pay ( I work 14 days monthly by choice) and she had the audacity to complain when I told her the babysitter cannot come again the next day, when she expected me to drive her around leave my kids at home again.
    Needless to say next time she wanted to ‘visit’, I said we’re going on summer vacation. I was picking up empty coke bottles and candy wrappers in evey nook and cranny of my house cos all she did was lay on the sofa and watch HBO while her kids went on rampage in my house, wiping their hands on my sofa after eating eba and efo!
    ‘Nuff said.

  45. JAY

    April 21, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    GOD will bless you in a million folds for this post. ah, Thank you so much. People need to understand that America is not Nigeria. Besides the fact that most houses arent big enough to accommodate two families, most Nigerian Americans just DO NOT want others in their space. And they shouldn’t have to apologize for that. If you are truly a big boy/big girl and want to have a baby in America, rent a furnished apartment

  46. Mymind

    April 21, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    I don’t even have a problem with the choices people make with their money. Anybody who has the means to access something they perceive to be of benefit should by all means do so.

    My problem is with the condescending ones who obviously cannot afford the true cost of having their children in the US; they are the worst with their inferiority complex. They come to your house with their “Nigerian view” of the world – that annoying keeping up with the Jones-es mentality, and on top of that they FEEL ENTITLED. Omg so annoying!!! They “scope” your house with their eyes for material things that will help them confirm your socioeconomic status – aka “your level”. They pretend as if they are not desperate for that American “kpali”, claiming that they are only looking for “good healthcare”. Good healthcare my left yansh! If you are truly “looking for good healthcare” and “comfort” why not consider other equally developed Western countries? Sweden and Germany are pretty decent choices where you can pay for services. “Beht” *ahem*, we will just keep “qwayet” and let you think we don’t see through your lies.

    One family friend and his wife who came to have their baby here started “yanning dust” about their achievements back home and how they cannot live in “this your” America. This your country is too rigid and structured he said. By the way, nobody asked him o; he continued this stomach turning conversation for a while, like someone with “mouth diarrhea”. I just nodded, smiled. The fact that I could actually employ this guy and pay his fucking oil and gas salary made the yeye talk unbearable. He was downright rude, condescending; he came across as fake as heck. I remember not saying much until he asked how much we bought our “big” house. Holy molly rock of ages!!!!! Chai…. I gave him a piece of my mind ehn, and yup, he got the message. I walked away rolling my eyes in disgust. That was the last time I let them in my house. I just can’t with some Nigerians and their stupid uppity mentality and pretentious selves, acting like their shit “don’t stink”. People like this need to “goan” park well with their yeye attitude! Ain’t nobody got time for that mess!

    • And so?!

      April 21, 2016 at 10:12 pm

      I could not have said it any better….You just see the complex on their faces and in their actions.

    • oj's friend

      April 22, 2016 at 12:30 am

      pay his oil and gas salary?
      Biko wake up

    • Mymind

      April 22, 2016 at 1:58 am

      @oj’s friend. That’s right darling! Unlike you, I create real jobs. Now biko crawl back in your hole.

    • honey omo lekki

      April 22, 2016 at 11:15 am

      The guy might be wrong, but No…..You cant pay his oil and gas salary. Unless he works in a filling station or all these by the road side oil and gas company.

    • Mymind

      April 22, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      Oh right! I forgot that I’m SUPPOSED to be cleaning toilets abroad, working two jobs and not own successesful businesses that EMPLOY college grads. I’m sorry that my profile doesn’t fit your pre-conceived notion of Nigerians abroad, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have done well for myself in this “racist” country.

      Honey omo Lekki, please don’t be the poster child for that inferiority complex I described, please don’t. You can do better.

    • mo

      April 22, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      Yes, you can pay oil and gas salary . if you have hospice or home health agency.

    • Ibkshorty

      April 23, 2016 at 6:35 pm

      Omggggggg you nailed it. You took the words righta my mouth

    • Grace

      May 4, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      Biko wake the hell up with that mentality

  47. Susu

    April 21, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    i AM A NEAT FREAK WITH SERIOUS OCD

    SORRY, No one can stay in my house past 1 week (my mom and sister only – not even my brother cos he is not too neat – my mom and sister are neat freaks like me) .I like all my can goods facing north and i hate hair chips any where in my bathroom. . You thought Shirley Eniang is addicted to white. I am worse. Everything is white in my apartment. ,My sister and her kids stayed with me fo 2 week as they visited Disney world,but my sister knows me inside out and my biggest pet peeve that will make me throw a misfit for days, and in all two weeks everything was fine. So apart from my sister no one else.

    I cant stand dirt.

    I have a doctor friend who earns $200,000 a year, Lives in a 5 bedroom mansion here in GEORGIA. Dirtiest girl i ever met in my life. I needed a place to stay and lived there for one month, i was literally sick when i left. I swore never again will i stay with anyone, i am in my own apartment now.

    When i enter someone house an they are DIRTY i loose every ounce of respect for them). I took lot of photos of the dirt in that house, tampons on the floor, brazillian weave all over carpet every where, Months old food in the fridge. Chai. Forget flashing of toilet. Dont dare go to her bathroom, you will vomit. This is a female doctor.

    I always say you can tell how dirty or neat a person is by looking inside their car. This girls car, my goodness. Dirty will be an understatement. She drives both a x5 and a mercedes benz.

    I can not stand dirty people . I feel sorry for men who ended up with wifes who are dirty and using kids as excuse for uncleanliness in the house.

    I have a cousin in VA with two kids with his wife Pat,/ Pat is neatest person i ever saw in my life, the 5 year old lays her bed and knows how to clean bathtub or after brushing her teeth. yes 5 yr old , washes her dishes, and drys with napkin. My cousin wife said she started teaching her at age 2 , cos as a pharmacist who stands on her feet 12 hrs a day aint no way she will be doing all the house chores so she thought the kids and thought the husband too. Spotless clean walls and beige carpet – neat car. In my whole life i have never met anyone else that beats me when it comes to neatness apart from my cousins wife Pat.

    No you are not staying in my house to have your baby, Sorry. I am not around . I am travelling on business trip to south america

    • PD Young Billionaire

      April 22, 2016 at 10:13 pm

      @Susu…lol!I feel you.I can’t stand dirty houses too.

  48. A

    April 21, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    After reading all these comments, I can only ask myself: where have genuine love and respect gone??? If I love and genuinely respect you and our relationship (either as friend or family), it won’t be an issue for me to go above and beyond to make you happy. It won’t be an issue to constructively communicate when things are looking somehow; and it won’t be an issue for you my guest to see all I am doing and strive hard to show appreciation in whatever way(s) you can, and making sure when you leave, my heart blesses you and yours blesses me. I sincerely just feel people don’t value relationships anymore….

    • lily

      April 22, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      You are absolutely right!!! We live in a self centered generation…we just cant see it. God help us all

    • Dudulee

      April 24, 2016 at 7:40 pm

      I totally agree with you. I wdnt even try staying wit u if I wasn’t free wit u cos I can’t be swallowing saliva for dat long abeg. The peculiar thing in all these experiences is the guests were not close to d hosts, so a lot of emotions were guarded as a result. I bend over backwards for my friends and family wen dey r around a it’s reciprocated wen I visit. So my advice, if u don’t hv dat kind of rship Whr u can tell eachother how you really feel wit ur host, rent an apartment.

  49. Nonamespls

    April 21, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    When i had my baby, i stayed with someone that was at best an acquiantance( my friends sister in- law) i had spoken / skyped to her a few times before then, i really wanted to use my friends doctor who was her ob/gyn so that was what informed my going to that state.
    I love my space and prior to leaving for the US I had made arrangement to rent an apartment, she was to help me just pick up the key as the “owner” claimed he was travelling!
    Turned out it was a fraudulent apartment. Prior to that time she had suggested i come and stay with her but i was reluctant cos of the relationship. She remains the nicest person i have met in a while and i would not forget her kindness in a hurry. She picked me up from the airport, accomodated me, gave me advise as i was a first time mom and even helped me shop tax-free for some major items, took me for appointments, shopping etc. I would call for a taxi and she would scold me for wasting money. However that being said i tried to be as considerate as possible,i paid for fuel when she allowed or snuck the bills in her wallet. Sometimes i paid for grocery, helped bath her toddler or dress up. She was so nice to me that those things came naturally. When my husband was to arrive prior to delivery i moved in to an extended stay, and was there till my MIL left after which i moved back and finally left from her house. We could very well afford to get a place but nothing like that human contact especially if you are pregnant and alone. So really its not all the time, people decide to stay with friends or relatives cos they want to be freeloaders!! Sometimes its just for company.

  50. The real dee

    April 21, 2016 at 10:29 pm

    And that is how some people turned this sensible article to a Nigerian vs. Abroad fight.

    What is the morale of the story? Anywhere you go, think about their convenience, don’ t feel entitled to be transported or taken care of whether you went to Nigeria visiting or to Yankee for birthing purposes.

    My parents won’t even stay in my house when they come visiting, it is their policy and that policy is ‘don’t inconvenience people, even if they are your blood or best friend’. I would look for a very good apartment hotel close to me for them to lodge. If they had their way they would even rent a car cos they have an intl. Drivers license but we refuse that and they would only allow us transport them if we find it convenient. When people behave like that, won’t you want to bend over and backwards for them? When my sibling wanted to stay over at my place, my mum called months in advance to seek permission from my husband.

    You can’t just go to any country and not make plans for your accommodation and transport. If you decide to be a mother hen and host every friend, family and acquaintance, good for you, your reward is in paradise BUT don’t expect everyone to be like you and then become entitled. Let staying with someone be your last option.

    • Ayinde

      April 22, 2016 at 4:52 am

      Believe me some people abroad are just straight up mean. Even when u provide everything and more, they still get angry that u are wasting money. Some People abroad strain good relationships with their Nigerian Counterparts that is why when they want to come back at times they can’t cos they have pissed off most people that could help them settle in. The popular mistake is that they generalise people staying in 9ja until they come and see that infact some people are living better lives here. Relationships are important people staying abroad shouldn’t miss good friendships by generalising everybody staying in 9ja

  51. Seyi

    April 21, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    Excellent write up Atoke.

    You hit the nail on the head. Respecting people’s private space is something a lot of us (Nigerians) don’t naturally understand.

  52. manythanks

    April 22, 2016 at 4:01 am

    next write up needed: why people should be careful about hiring Nigerians as live-in nannies and also the need for nanny-cam if u need to go that route.

  53. Johnson

    April 22, 2016 at 4:25 am

    Guys come on! Ok we get
    Pls on ur next trip to naija ( especially those coming in from the USA), kindly book ur hotels in advance
    My guy, staying with u cost us more cos of the usual stories dat always end up making us spend on u and ur girls.
    Remember to also Hv ur food well taken care of in advance if not go to your mothers house!
    And please I do not run a car hire service, Try efritin, u could get a good car to use while in town.
    I beg guy, just free me from ur pls help me sell dis and dat, I do not run a fast moving consumer product website.

  54. swagg1

    April 22, 2016 at 4:36 am

    Its a non -starter for me. either pregnant or not. I dont welcome guest under any circumstances to my house . Its better to avoid the hassle from the get go, so that your friendship can last . Period

  55. Ofonime

    April 22, 2016 at 4:56 am

    My dear sisters, as I speak I am currently in the US I came to have a baby!!! No be small thing ooo suffer is too much. I my own case it was quarell I used to come here cos I figured I was getting old and this belle was not expected( have a 9 yr old girl and 7 ur old boy) needless to say I hear it on belle as per age and gap!! Personally as far back as I have been travelling I have always stayed on my own andtravelled with my nanny so coming here ( houston ) my hubby came with me cos I told him I will not come and suffer here ooo as he insisted I carry my older two so from hotel we got an apartment $1676 a month put the kids in school got a car pool$55 a week for both of them, pay for lunch in school, the bills go on. My point is that if your not financially ready don’t try it, it’s crazy,for me the loneliness and the excess house work wan kill me ( now I appreciate my driver, gateman everybody back hme) after u born nko nobody to help!
    Abeg thank God I don hang boots for me I will not advise anyone to go there ooo, that’s my stance and I am sticking to it.

  56. Ofonime

    April 22, 2016 at 4:57 am

    FYI, my hubby wanted American baby, I wold have been happy in a health centre near my house as far as I was [email protected]

  57. Ify

    April 22, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Nice write up Atoke. It is really sad though that people now reason this way. I would like to ask a question though, how many of you American based Nigerians actually come back to Nigeria and turn down offers from relatives to accommodate you, you knowing fully well that you might have to return the favour? I think it would only be fair for you to complain if you have not ‘used’ others on your visit to Nigeria. That special soup you ask to be made for you on your day of arrival how many of you have turned it down or asked how much is your cooks salary let me help contribute or how much is your drivers salary let me contribute? Or do you think because it is Nigeria it is free? If you don’t want to be put in a situation to help others,then don’t ask others for help.

  58. Tru

    April 22, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Nwanne 1000 likes for you

  59. ujay

    April 22, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Noted…

  60. LL

    April 22, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    I had my first baby in Nigeria and it was a nice experience. I decided to stay here because I didn’t have any issues during the pregnancy coupled with the fact that the cost of comfortably having a child abroad is quite steep. We registered as private patients with a private hospital and although I have nothing to compare it with, I was treated like an egg and there were no errors during the birth process. Of course I give all glory to God and the doctors and nurses were very professional. As long as we cannot comfortably rent a place, pay for my mum to stay and use a good hospital without dipping terribly into our finances(and as long as there are no complications), I will have my next child here-In a good hospital .

  61. Vivian Okojie

    April 22, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    If you are coming to Houston to give birth, a few of mine friends rent out their homes, provide transportation, and meals. They even stay with you at the hospital on the day of delivery. At a cost of course…. they also help with obgyn recommendation.
    It’s better than trying to stay somewhere for free.

    • NaijaPikin

      April 22, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      Yep quite a number of naija women in Houston have this as a business. Take care of all non hospital costs at a flat fee. And will negotiate hospital and Dr costs. The ones I know are in katy area. They Use Oak Bend Medical Center. There’s a naija Dr. There. Can’t remember his name.

      Fyi- Houston and Atlanta are significantly cheaper for child birth than a lot of other states.

    • baby Sykes

      April 23, 2016 at 7:13 am

      Dr Fagbohun

  62. Annie

    April 22, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    These comments are all funny. My aunts stay in hotels when they come to Naija and they hire drivers and buy a car for their stay when they come with their kids. And now that I moved to the US we didn’t inconvenience them. Moved out after a while. Nigerians claim to be respectful but they don’t know what that word truly means. Just respect yourself and clean up after you. And contribute without being asked. Everyone has something to say about the other but till you spend a day in the other persons shoes maybe you will understand

  63. Delicious

    April 22, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    Me thinks if you have enough money to come to the US to have a baby- you should be able to afford renting a short term apartment and researching transportation costs

  64. I'd rather remain anonymous

    April 22, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    Don’t know who you all stay with that you have such terrible experience. I stayed with my sis inlaw for that matter and prior to delivery I have never seen her before. We only talk over the phone. To think I was scared of her before i met her cos I heard she was an iron lady. I went with le hub and after he left it was pure undiluted fun all through. Weekly trips to the mall, sometimes they follow me to hospital appointments and when they don’t they ask for feedbacks . Her husband abandoned his car for me to use all i do is buy gas.I love orange juice and they buy grape juice and they made sure to buy orange juice when they buy groceries. Weekly eat out, i am talking about babes ( don’t know if that’s the spelling , Ihops, olive garden restaurant, craker barrel and the rest. They always buy cheesecake for me cos i loved it. They bought lots of presents for me and my little one. After delivery i had complications they took time off to nurser me back. How can i ever repay such good deeds. When i was frustrated with my little one’s cries she steps in and takes care of the baby while i have some rest. They both work. Wife sleeps at 11pl and wakes up at 3 am everyday. Husband works plus over time. But they made plans for me too. All i do is to occasionally take care of her kids when they are sick and don’t fo to day care. I shed a tear or two whenever i remember all they did because i know i can never do enough to say thank you. One time i was going to atl to get my little one’s nigerian passport, she dropped us off at the airport before going to work and picked us up in the evening. She gave me her jacket when I was shivering cos I underestimated the weather. I can only love her and her fam unconditionally an be there when she needs my help. Sorry for the long epistle. Na as e touch me na im I write am.

  65. judge

    April 22, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    A friend of 15yrs wanted to send just his pregnant wife to stay with him until she delivers. He wasn’t coming cos he couldn’t afford to.
    I said NO.
    I cant go from being single&free to taking care of a pregnant woman with all the shenanigans that come with it. That’s going zero to a hundred real quick real quick.
    Nigerians got no chill

  66. Funmi

    April 22, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    I have read all comments and would like to share my story on the subject. Nice article no doubt. Atoke had done a good job as her piece is very real. However, I have to say that people differ in attitude and character. My story: I and my husband had planned to rent an apartment for my trip to have our second baby. We reached out to his friend in Boston to help get somewhere close to him so I would always have people to stop by and say hello but his friend insisted I stay with his family. To him, it won’t be nice for us to pay rent when he has a vacant basement. When I got there I realized the wife is not in good terms with his siblings and friends. At every opportunity she talked all sorts abt her husband’s friends and siblings. I wasn’t interested in such discussions and most time I wasn’t ready to contribute. Then the day came when she asked me why I don’t talk when she talks abt her husband’s siblings. She asked if I see her as a bad wife. Trust me the natural answer was a NO. Behold, she turned a different person the following day and that was it until I left the US. A very bad experience starting from that fateful day. My third baby was a different story. God bless the Ade*** family in Chicago. I will ever be grateful to that wonderful family. My husband didn’t want me to stay all alone due to some health issues during the pregnancy. It was a wonderful experience. In a nutshell, it’s all down to individual character and attitude. The lady in Boston, I have had to shelter her aunt in Lagos on several occasions without any grudge. Irrespective of my second experience, I believe economic dynamics in the US make most residents to avoid dependents. Thanks Atoke for the wonderful article.

  67. tolu

    April 22, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    Hummmm,wonderful write up,its not easy to accomodate in any part of the world….not america alone…either u pay bills or not its not an easy task even if someone doesn’t come and stay you will pay bills so my point its not compulsory you accommodate someone if you can’t accommodate just let the person know instead of complaining,if you want to help you do it with your whole heart and if you don’t want to no one will kill you for that…..

  68. I Concur

    April 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    Yo! Haha.
    I swear this article need to be passed out at the embassy, right along with your visa. Who do we speak to Atoke?? Imma need this to be part of the application process or something ?. And I mean for every kind of visa application process, especially the Lottery Visa winners. Don’t be a douche, ungrateful guest. Too many crazy stories of hosting gone wrong.

    Bravo Atoke. Good write-up.

  69. PD Young Billionaire

    April 22, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    I m cool if you are staying in my house for max 2 weeks and you are not adding to the work on ground like not doing your dishes et all.Those days when I used to stay with relatives whenever I travelled,I was always helping out…infact na maid work I dey do just to ensure I didn’t become a nuisance to anyone.So let’s just be sensitive to our environment and respect ourselves whenever we visit others so that we do not become burdensome..

  70. Iagree

    April 23, 2016 at 12:21 am

    Awesome write up.. I and my husband understand the importance of respecting people’s space and we never go on a trip without sorting hotel accommodation, like never. When I was planning to have my child in the US, it only made sense to go to a state where you knew someone that could assist with getting an apartment and booking Doc s appointment etc. Ended up in one of the North Eastern states and even though my husband’s cousin had a big and comfortable house and suggested I stayed there, we declined cos I wasn’t ready to be at the mercy of anyone and in the process inconvenience the person. We got a really nice apartment. My husband was worried about me being by myself after he leaves so we reached out to friends and were able to get a friends niece who was a student to move in with me and keep me company. I took cabs, did my own shopping, made new friends, slept whenever and woke up whenever, my mom and sister were able to fly in from Naija at some point and it was an awesome experience in general. I am really for sorting out your accommodation especially when travelling to have a baby.. even for your sanity and freedom abeg…1

  71. CakeGal

    April 23, 2016 at 1:34 am

    Na so! I think the weight is more on the people abroad. I have been on both ends. When I lived in Nigeria and traveled abroad, I lived with friends who I thought at that time treated me and my children poorly, considering the fact we vacated our comfy bedrooms to accommodate visiting Americans. There wasn’t any of their needs that was inconveniencing, sincerely. Our house helps even cut our own errands for them because of the Dollar tips they’d get at the end. The bedroom shift was the only brunt I remember.
    As an abroad visitor, I’ve had food locked up against me. I’ve had heating turned off, I’ve been talked to so rudely I went into the room I was given and cried for hours. I’ve had my children whooped very badly before my eyes. I’ve also had friends who got so mad we secretly tried to pay overdue bills I was sorry I attempted such. I’ve had friends who returned groceries to the stores because they will not condescend to eat from you, even depriving you of foods you like to eat. Then, I thought these “abroad people” Na wa! The few times I rented my own space, life was a million times more valuable. People were more respectful and willing to help.
    Now, I’m on the other side of the pond, I understand why they won’t let you drive their car (even with your yeye International Driver’s Licence that will so annoy a police personnel when they stop you) because you were not insured as one of the drivers for that car. What happens if there’s an accident?
    I understand been left with just 2 hours to sleep before hustle starts again and the reason nothing, absolutely nothing should disturb those precious hours, not even the cute cries of a newborn.
    I understand how your income has been planned to the teeth, not even the need for a bottle of Tylenol can be accommodated; not to talk of now feeding an entire family.
    I understand how annoying it can be when you’re hosting someone who pretends to not have enough for transportation to doctor’s visits, makes you take time off work thereby reducing your income for that month and then turns around to ask you to take them to Galleria for shopping.
    I understand how painful it is when your bed for 2 nights is a miserable Hospital chair, staying with your guest for their delivery and then at the end of their stay with you, you return from dropping them off at the airport only to find out they didn’t even give any one of your children $5, the so-called Oil and Gas Big people, when you shopped for their baby and threw them a baby shower that got them some of the items on their shopping list.
    It goes on and on! I am now one of the “Never again” members! NEVER!
    RENTED ACCOMMODATION is the grandmother of all SELF RESPECT! I already knew that before becoming an Americana, what I didn’t know was you also had to guard yourself against extended stay guests!

  72. KK

    April 23, 2016 at 6:10 am

    This is such an interesting read. In defence of people in Nigeria, ” you guys also come to Nigeria and take the piss with your hosts. Expect someone’s nanny to double as your nanny, expect my driver to be driving you around, my generator to be on for you 24/7 and e.t.c then you make noise when it’s your turn. Ultimately if you are traveling anywhere get your hotel money ready.”
    Bottomline, everyone should respect themselves and be considerate of others. If you can’t, thennnnnn, stay in a hotel. Simple!!

  73. baby Sykes

    April 23, 2016 at 7:24 am

    My advice, rent a place and retain your respect! My first child I rented a self-catering room at intown suites in Elpaso and for my twins, I rented a two bedroom self-catering apartment at Legacy suites, Phoenix, Arizona. I was able to watch TV as much as I wanted, my mum cooked and I ate whenever and however I wanted, shopped wherever, etc
    As a pregnant woman I got easily irritated and my mum took a lot from me which of course no friend or family would have tolerated. Bottom line is, if you can afford the huge medical bills, please budget for accommodation too. When lonely, pick up the phone and call people, make friends with neighbors but if not possible, please watch TV and at the end you owe no one anything and no one would announce that they housed you

  74. Mama

    April 23, 2016 at 11:07 am

    Nice write up Atoke. Pls can you also write about bro in law or sister inlaw living with a newly married couple for an indefinite period of time especially in America and the ills that come with it.

  75. Peju mama

    April 23, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    Beautiful write up!!! I have never experience one personally but it won’t be happening either. Some of them will even show up with chips on their shoulders. They talk about how they are better off in Nigeria. A friend once stated “I don’t see anything in this country” so why is it important to have a child delivered here. They have money, drivers and everything else. All these madams need to stay in Naija in their pretty houses.

  76. K. Sun

    April 23, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    Now THIS is a post worth commenting on…Reading all these comments, it’s like we’re mixing several issues together. 1) I live in Maryland so I’m not new to woman coming to the States to have babies. While Atoke mentioned most of the heavyweight issues, there are several more. Besides rising costs (electricity bills, food, etc.) you also have to think about inconvenience. Imagine the host, having to get some sleep before work but is it really possible with a newborn who needs to be fed every two hours? What about follow up doctor’s appointments for mother & baby? Even if they want to take public transportation, not everywhere in Maryland can you walk out of your house and hop on a bus. Where I live, you still need someone to drive you to (and pick you from) the nearest station. As a guest too, you will be annoyed. You can’t move around as you want, can’t eat what you want or have to ask for permission to have visitors, etc. The bottom line is its not like ppl do not want to help these mothers, but when you consider the inconvenience on both ends and the damage it can cause to a relationship, it’s better to avoid it.

    2) I visit Naija at least once a year and I notice the vast difference in lifestyles. Like one reader above posted above how she hates having to run her generator 24/7 to make her guests comfortable and how they expect her to take them out so that they won’t be bored, etc. I’ve gone and stayed with a relative in Naija where right before they go to work, they turn off the gen. For hours, I have to sit in the dark with no power for even a FAN because they don’t want to “burn their money” until they come back from work at 8pm. At first, it made me feel really bad because it means that whether I die from heat or not, it doesn’t matter. Whether I eat or not, is not their concern. So I’ve learned that when I go to Naija, I make my own plans for the day with friends & other family members so that I’m not in the house melting. The hilarious thing is that, when those same family members from Naija come to the States, they want someone to take them out and move about. What do I do? Take my keys & go to work. Lucky for them, electricity is constant here although ultimately I pay for it. If not, I would turn off my electricity too, just so they know how it feels. The bottom line is, having guests over (on either side) takes sacrifice to make sure that they are at least comfortable. If you are unable to make that sacrifice, just say no so that they can make other arrangements. But don’t complain when you say yes to having guests because one day, you too will be a guest in someone’s house.

  77. Grace

    April 24, 2016 at 2:00 pm

    All my kids were born in Naija, Four of them by the way. They all have American visas, UK Visas, Canadian visas just to mention a few. We travel a lot and I have relatives (direct and very close relatives) in virtually all parts of the world. But I don’t bother to stay with anyone even when I travel alone. I always tell my hubby there’s no need to travel out if we can’t afford accommodation. I respect myself a lot and won’t let my kids live like prisoners all in the name of staying with someone. Bottom line is if you can’t afford to pay for accommodation whether on birth holiday or family/personal holiday, stay back home and save yourself the stress and embarrassment. And by the way, my hubby and I are not politicians, we are a middle class family who just call a spade a spade and plan well.

  78. Ola

    April 24, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    Very nice article……. I’ve hosted people before, and my experiences ranged from dancing with joy in my living room as she was being driven to the airport…. To “When will you be back? Cos you’re my new besto/sister from another mama…”…
    Erm….. we should also not forget that people are dealing with all kinds of issues …. Whether in “the abroad” or in Naij… When a person is going through issues- in their marriage, in their finances, with their health, or their kids, they may not be the best version of themselves…. being in their home during this period is an added strain…. Maybe that’s why they’re so “crunk”!!!
    It’s also about expectations….. Know your host…. Or hostess…. I have no problems providing food and accommodating higher bills or whatever, but anyone who’s waiting for me to come home and cook for them has completely jonesed!!!! On the other hand, some people are offended by other people in their kitchen….
    As far as people returning favors, I’m sure there are various circumstances that come up…. But I should imagine that most people coming home on vacation only have about a week or two off…. This is vastly different from 3 months….
    I try to get a car and a driver to get me around…. When we come as a family, we rent a short let apartment…. That way, I’m not in anyone’s hair, and it can be pleasant for all….
    Bottom line is most of us are tolerable only in small doses!!!!! Some situations require larger doses.. like birth tourism…. For it to be successful, and so people are not venting about you on threads like this, work out expectations early on… And decide, whether as a guest or a host (or hostess) whether you can meet those expectations….
    Happy Travels to all!!!!

  79. Uche

    April 24, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    A childhood friend of mine started texting me out of the blue after being Incommunicado for about 8 years and i sensed trouble right away. Eventually she she dropped the bomb that she was pregnant and was hoping to stay at my place.After weeks of back and forth, I eventually told her I could not host her as my family was going to be around from Nigeria. I mean there a bunch of concierge services that cater to expectant mums from Nigeria, why come and inconvenience me and my husband with your mother-in-law and child. I eventually referred her to Noble Concierge Services in Houston who helped her secure a place to stay….turned put she could very well afford to rent a place.

  80. Pomegranates

    April 24, 2016 at 8:12 pm

    Very interesting write – up. I love all the comments. Atoke na u cause am ???

  81. Amy

    April 24, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    My own 2 cents is that all these experiences boil down to the fact that Nigerian rulers and all the looters have messed up Nigeria to the point where everyone would like their kids to have the American passport! Let us direct our anger to the right source, the group of parasites who have stolen our commonwealth and have refused to invest it to set up factories and create good jobs and a solid society with safety nets and top schools. How many Europeans and Americans rush to give birth in Nigeria or even outside their country? The looters keep the money in western banks instead of at least using it to create jobs in their country!

    I have been on both sides, when we relocated about less than 16 years ago, we barely spent a week in my Uncle’s basement. Thank God my husband schooled here at the time students got “soke” because you needed it to rent an apartment, not like now that it’s so easy to rent a temporary apartment. My uncle’s wife told me they were having a big party and needed their basement after I had stayed one week with my toddlers. Thank God we had rented an apartment but they had not connected electricity and phone. She actually wanted me to stay there with electric lamp!

    I studied my heart out literally and prayed hard and God did his own and within 2 years we bought our own McMansion! Thank God I was not even planning on staying with them! We don’t stay with family when we visit Nigeria which makes some upset but some of my husband’s friends just want our company and believe me most folks who are professionals here don’t have 3 months to hang around in Nigeria. We usually are here for a ceremony or the other, not exceeding 1 week or at most 12 days, my husband has been there for just 3 days before!
    Some have properties rented out or just don’t want to be noticed. The main issue is the cultural differences, when I lived and had very good jobs in Nigeria, I always had a personal and official car and sometimes 2 house girls. Here even though we both have very good incomes, the cleaning lady comes once a month, cleans and charges $100.. I work one good job, same with my husband but I cook, do laundry, we clean the house with the children when they are home, in between cleaning lady visits.
    Nigerian guests who blend have no problems with me but if you expect me to clean up after you, I will tell you to at least load your plates into the dishwasher. If we all do unto others, as we want them to do to us there will be no problems.

    For the poster who thought another poster cannot hire an oil and gas salaried person, there are people here who own and run thriving businesses. Oil jobs (and maybe bank jobs) are the only good jobs in Nigeria because of the small economy and its narrowness and mismanagement but in America there are hundreds of sectors that pay better than oil sector employees, heck even Walmart Truck Drivers can make up to 80k per year and that’s a blue collar job that you only need a CDL (commercial drivers license for) plus a high school diploma for. Let’s not even talk of Wall Street and hedge fund managers and the health care sector and even big hospital systems and small and medium businesses. It’s only if you haven’t seen another person’s father’s farm that you think your dad’s farm is the biggest! There is nothing special here about working in oil and gas. It’s just another sector and if the poster runs her own successful business here she can pay just as she said. A lot of Nigerians own their own clinics, hospices, pharmacies, home health agencies etc here and their payroll cost is significant! The bottom line in my opinion is to start holding those who rule Nigeria accountable so that we can be the country others want to have babies in and live in. Let’s begin to use social media to expose and shame corruption rather than “tap” into it and celebrate looters and their children like some do.

  82. Amy

    April 24, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    Btw, for those who cannot afford to give birth here,or who for any reason couldn’t make it happen, God can make it happen if it his will for your children to be American citizens. Mine were born in a hospital on the island like Atoke was born in LUTH but they are dual citizens now. So are many American Nigerians or Nigerian Americans! Besides being an American is not as good as being a genuine child of God! The USA is not paradise or heaven, they have their own challenges! Let’s start moving to fix Nigeria, a lot of African Americans are looking for an anchor homeland, let it be Nigeria!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      April 25, 2016 at 4:34 pm

      Both your comments, luv, are absolutely spot on.

    • Peeps

      April 26, 2016 at 11:31 pm

      Thank you Amy. I amuses me to know that Nigerians will spend so much money, crazy money, just to give birth to an American kid. Or those that sell their houses just to get an American visa.

      It’s not that drastic, folks. Save your money or invest it where you are.

  83. Cindy

    April 26, 2016 at 2:59 am

    I use to work for this Nigerian man. I babysit two of his kids that man paid me 1500$ every paycheck. He had a very sucessuful business here in the USA. AND HE HAD At least 10 other employees too. So some people in the Us make money

  84. Cub

    April 27, 2016 at 11:27 pm

    Where you can’t afford a place and Your only option is to stay with family, please help out as much as possible. And contribute financially. They may not accept your money but a few trips to the mall for grocery shopping for the family does it.. bring gifts and foodstuff if u can on ur way from naija, and don’t get in theor way like excess use of electricity, water etc. I had my baby and stayed with in laws I had never met. I will do grocery shopping on my way home and wen I’m home dey want be able to reject it. Sometimes I want take the yoghurt or juice in d freezer. Some afternoons see I go soak garri. They would com and shout that i havent eaten i wld say i have. After i had d baby na pap i dey consume most times of ech I brought it from naija. Be nice, courteous and appreciative of everything, manage their food and resources ( ojukokoro o daa) keep your space neat and tidy, buy quality gifts in appreciation to them while leaving/give the kids money too and render help where you can. Your host will adore you and won’t want you to leave.

  85. wendy

    April 28, 2016 at 6:23 pm

    I don’t mind hosting anyone if you go by the below rules.
    1) I repeat.. Do not bring any tag along with you. Except that people will be able to help you.
    Do not bring a baby with you when you are coming to have another baby. Who will take care of that child for you?
    2) Keep my place clean and respect my property
    3) Do not expect me to take you everywhere. I can show you place in the beginning. Learn to be independent
    4) Do not expect me to be your maid
    5) Do not soak up my bathroom rug with water. Dry your body in the bath tub.
    6) Do not expect me to be taking days off from work to take care of you.
    7) Do not expect me to foot certain bills for you. I don’t want to hear any sad story. Plan according to your pocket

  86. larz

    May 4, 2016 at 10:24 am

    I personally hate staying with people unless I am really really really close to them and that has to be for a week max! I don’t like walking on eggshells around others.
    The last time we went to naija, we had to stay with in-laws family because my MIL insisted. We also wanted to hire a car but we were told not to worry that cars will be available for us. With all the family activities going on, the car thing didn’t happen.

    Freedom: I didnt like having to ask to go out which felt like asking for permission. I was so shy that when I am hungry, I cant do much about it until it is family meal time.

    Entertainment: I wanted to explore arts gallery etc, museum, shows in terrakulture. No instead, I cam in on Wednesday night and started my owambe duties Thurs-Sunday. I was spared going to one on Friday because we needed some rest.

    On the following Tuesday, we finally told everyone we needed to go into town and got a cab to go sightseeing in VI. We checked into a hotel that night and called to make excuses, we came back 3 days later. It was the best time ever. Hubby had the best sex that night. We concluded that from then onward we were going to stay in hotels in Lagos and stay with family members for a night or two if absolutely necessary.

    Don’t get me wrong, they were awesome hosts but it is not the same.

    It takes a certain level of guts to stay with others for an extended period of time. 3 months is absolutely pushing it in my opinion especially when you are in the vulnerable state of being pregnant.

  87. ThatAbiribaBae

    May 10, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    There is actually an on-going federal scheme in the US accessible at local (State) level where you can apply and get to deliver free in any hospital you choice.

    A friend knew someone who recently benefited from that scheme. A Mexican midwife where she registered for her antenatal gave her the info.

    Do you research well! Everything does not have to cost you a dime… thank me later! I’ll try and be nicer and get the details of the scheme.

    PS – the beneficiary isn’t poor o, she came well prepped and ready to spend xxx amount but God’s favour located her

    • Ada

      November 11, 2017 at 2:06 pm

      Pls don’t try this mess or you won’t get visa renewed ever again o!! Let your friend tell us about her favor next time she goes to embassy and they ask her where she gave birth and who paid.

  88. Fedup

    October 8, 2016 at 5:28 am

    So I have been living in the United States for 13 years, Graduated from college and currently working as a professional . A friend of mine suggested I accommodate her friend who was pregnant. Picture this, at the time, I lived alone, worked 3 nights a week, living in a one bedroom apartment and did not know this girl well enough… ( we were not close friends when i was living in Nigeria) . I decided to ignore my friend’s suggestion which I thought was ridiculous. Although I did not allow her friend to stay with me by being silent on the request, apparently this friend of hers was very upset and said so many negative things about me . Can you imagine if i let her stay with me? with her lack of understanding, she would have expected me to take her to her doctor’s appointments , feed her and still talk trash about me . Think about this, where would she have slept? on my bed? while i sleep on the floor? or the living room for the next 3-6 months? NAH. I could foresee all the problem, that’s why i decided not to let her stay with me. Unfortunately, my friend did not understand and I don’t blame her, she does not know what it takes to pay rent and bills and struggle to work hard in the U.S. I was upset with her for even suggesting someone for me to accommodate. If she was the one pregnant, I would have let her stay with me regardless because we were very close and it didn’t matter, we could have shared a bed and I would gladly feed her and take her to her appointments or pay for a taxi to take her if she could not afford it. But she lost her chance and it brought a lot of tension to the friendship . I decided to stick to my friends in the U.S. who understand how things work here and not be pressured into friends of friends of friends asking for assistance from other friends of friends of friends!

  89. AMB

    December 15, 2016 at 9:19 am

    Comments about child bearing abroad or traveling abroad
    Either to Usa or Africa.

    The best thing is to PLAN., SAVE and also your privacy is very important.
    American culture is opposite of African culture
    1. PRIVACY
    2. HONESTY
    3. ASSUMPTIONS
    4. CONSIDERATION
    5. DECISIONS MAKING
    6. DAILY ACTIVITIES
    7. RESEARCH
    8. YOUR OWN PERSONAL HELPER IF NEEDED
    GOING ON VACATION GET A HOTEL AND RENTAL CAR UBER IS IN AFRICA especially in Nigeria
    SHORT/LONG STAY RENT AN APARTMENT AND RENT A CAR.Short term stays available all over the world.

    For child bearing.
    Plan it very well. Before conceiving with your husband and make the right decisions together.
    The cost, where to stay, the doctors abroad etc

    Get a short term stays. Bring your husband or helper
    And utilize the uber agenda.
    Is all about planning. And you will command respects.
    Avoid as.much as possible staying with people.
    Relatives or no Relatives

    Ciao AMB

    .

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