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Made-in-Naija Wifey: Who Deceived Who?

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dreamstime_l_815926A few months after I got married, I was completely distraught and confused at the whole marriage business. You could say I never hexpected it…candidly no amount of time spent together as a dating couple prepares you for marriage. It’s just not the same thing walahi.
An example was when I was dating my hubby and traveling under the radar from school to visit him on weekends; I was always bamboozled with hair-raising sexual romps that had me returning back to campus all giggly and glowing. I thought that was the way the dish would always be served. He is a lion and I always lamented to my friends saying ‘I can’t wait for us to get married; we would have mind-blowing sex everyday!’ Who sai? Now imagine the feeling I felt when we got married and broda started dishing me the excuses. I was jobless at the time and horny every hour, ready to pounce on him the minute he walked through the door(insert shamefaced emoticon).

I did everything in the book coupled with a few creative ingenuities of mine…yet some days, nothing I did could get the Lion King to roar at me! Kai…I was beyond frustrated! Hubby would narrate all about his stressful day at work, and I would say ‘ehn ehn, lemme help you relieve the stress na’ No show. He would come back and lament about a bad day at work and Wonder Woman would rise to calm the tempest, broda would say it’s a hot bath and goodnight’s sleep that he wants! We could go an entire week and have sex only three times!! Oh yes, I had assumed that we would be having sex daily at least, then twice a day on weekends and when on vacation?….ah!!!

A few times, I brought my claws out and accused my darling husband of having an affair; in my heart I knew he wasn’t, but I needed him to see how dissatisfied I was (you know how we women are). To that, he looked me and said ‘how does a hardworking man cheat in this Lagos? Is it when I am rushing to get home before 7pm, or when I am on lunch break that I would rush off to bang a mistress and rush back to the office? Don’t worry, you would soon start working and you would see’. I felt cheated and deceived…because I had assumed based on our sexual prowess during our dating days that we were going to be on fire every night. That was until I got a job and had to experience the legendary traffic on Third Mainland Bridge and then another hair-pulling struggle at V.I before getting to my desk at Musa Yar’adua street.

After the first week on the job, I was sorting out clothes for the washing machine when horror and dread filled me heart! We had gone an entire week without shagging! Worse still, I had not noticed! Mogbé! Mama said that’s how divorce starts! Fiam! I dropped the laundry basket and dashed into the sitting room where hubby was enjoying a good EPL match. I stood in front of the TV and started to undress as he stared at me in confusion, then wonder, then pleasure. I had crazy angry sex that day! Ehn…an entire week without sex?! At this young age? When we are in our fifties what would then happen?? We had to sit down and work out a plan that involved lots of morning sex on weekdays, nightly romps on weekends and some in-betweens when the mood felt right.

On his part, there was also a part of him that felt cheated when we got married and started living together. You see, when we were dating and I spent weekends at his place; there was no room for pajamas or cute pink long nighties or comfy tees and joggers. Nope, I came fully prepared to tease his senses…shey they said men are turned on by what they see? Lingeries, negligees and lacy undies that were every shade of sexy (and uncomfortable) and in colors that reeked of scarlet and crimson. Fast forward to when the ‘I Dos’ were said…please who wears lingerie after series of Monday morning meetings and data analysis? The real me…the me that curls up to her laptop in oversized tee, eating Pringles and drinking soda while laughing hysterically to some romantic-comedy flick…that me, came out to play. And hubby didn’t like it; he wanted his sexy wifey back. Trouble was, I couldn’t play sexy everyday. So, he also felt that tinge of ‘you deceived me’. But then, who packs for a weekend trip to her boyfriend’s place and brings her comfy full panties and oversize tees that swallow all the curves. No, we bring on the uncomfortable thongs and lingerie that make the homie boast about our curves to his friends at their next hangout. When he complained in Darey’s voice ‘you are not the girl I used to know’, I was quick to remind him that; back then, his place wasn’t home and I was only a guest, and thus expected to be on my best sexiest behavior. Now that we share a home, I was comfortable enough to let my guard down; go to bed with a bonnet, run around in boxers and leave the kitchen sink messy for a minute while I quickly catch up on Empire or Wendy Williams. How did we resolve this issue? One Saturday, hubby gave me more than a dozen white shirts that he had just outsized (thanks to wifey’s culinary expertise). Turns out he finds it sexy when I wear his work shirts, folding the sleeves and leaving the first two buttons open *bats eyes*. Turns out I also find them comfortable! Truce? Yea!

Moral of the story? No amount of dating prepares you enough for what you are going to experience in marriage. Everyone has that part of them that is only revealed by days and days and months and months of waking up together.

If you are single, please plan ahead to re-learn about your boyfriend/girlfriend when rings get exchanged. Trust me, you would see and learn new things. It helps to go into marriage with low expectations and an open mind; and give room to learn new things about each other instead of playing the victim card and trying to force your spouse back to dating mode. No, this isn’t dating! If you are newly-wed and have already started to see all those little quirks nobody warned you about; don’t fret. No, you were not played and yes, he is still the person you cried for while whispering ‘Yes, I would marry you’ as he bent on one knee with all your friends cheering.

Marriage is an adventure and a beautiful one at that. An elderly woman who has been married for about thirty-two years recently told me she is still learning new things about her hubby! You see, our own journey just dey start! The key to resolving most of these issues is communication; so keep that line open and speak up, instead of harboring resentments. Talk about the new him you are seeing, and the new you that is showing up as well…and you would discover that any issue that is brought to light can easily be resolved; as long as you keep those female tactics (arm-twisting, guilt-tripping, crying, barbie eyes, pouty-lips) at bay and be logical and reasonable in your presentation.

Please leave a comment under this post sisterly; I would love to hear about all the fun surprises that marriage brought your way!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Made-in-Naija Wifey is written by Mervis Ipheoma Elebe; who works in a leading ICT firm by day. A repentant foodie, smoothie addict and movie enthusiast; she enjoys traveling, playing on beaches and reading when she isn’t playing dress-up with her daughter, stalking her role-models on Instagram or cuddling up with the hubby. Made-In-Naija Wifey chronicles her experiences as a married woman in Nigeria because as they say “Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener”. She can be reached on [email protected] or via Instagram on @ipheoma_

112 Comments

  1. Ej

    April 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Loool nice writeup will surely keep all in mind wen my hubby shows up

    • kk

      April 15, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      Nice one!

  2. Ozymandias

    April 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Great read; very informative. Love the fun, catchy style. Keep up the great work

  3. Cici

    April 15, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    Moral of the story??? There was none. What? Are you encouraging fornication in this day of rampart sexually transmitted diseases aka STD? You felt all “giggly and glowing” after a romp before marriage and you are so proud of yourself. How shameless! Please, carry go. There is no moral to the stinky story.

    God is real and fornication is a sin and still carries punishment for the offenders, do not glorify it to deceive others. You want to sound all classy and open eye, but you ended sound like a tramp. Tramp before marriage will always be a tramp, period. The Word of God and instructions of God for a good life NEVER goes out of fashion.

    Mtcheww and nonsense, olodo.

    • Nuna

      April 15, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      So because she has a different outlook and beliefs she’s an olodo. You are the olodo here madam! Not everybody has thesame upbringing with you and not everybody shares your values. Miss me with your sanctimonious BS. Nansense!
      And BTW I learnt a lot from this. You are just too blind to learn anything from it because all you could see was the part where she had sex with her bf. Sister Mary!

    • zarah baby

      April 15, 2016 at 10:59 pm

      Abi oh. So uncalled for

    • whocares

      April 15, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      @Cici- I, I, (groans loudly) ca…nt..reach..wait, almost thereeeeeeeeeeee,ahh yes! Got it! I just removed the stick from your butt. Do you feel better now?
      I particularly enjoy how you have invoked the realness of God in the same breathe as you have judged, condemned and denounced someone as a tramp.. Not only a past tramp, but a continuous tramp? Olodo? lool. God is truly real and lives in you.. No?

    • Nuna

      April 15, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      As in ehh! I just can’t with all these ‘for mouth’ Christians. See all the abuse she heaped on the lady while forming holy and sanctified. SMH

    • :)

      April 15, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      Ewwwwwwwww……..”@Cici- I, I, (groans loudly) ca…nt..reach..wait, almost thereeeeeeeeeeee,ahh yes! Got it! I just removed the stick from your butt. Do you feel better now?”

      On the real though @Cici Just shut up. Do ur own let her do her own. Shebi she still marry the guy?

    • Qkay

      April 15, 2016 at 9:30 pm

      Well said!!!!! She claims to be a Christian and she is so quick to judge and condemn. She really needs to seek Christ!

    • Ginger

      April 15, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Aunty Cici so you married as a virgin. Nice to know. Here’s your ticket to heaven ?

    • Shokola

      April 15, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Abeg go and sit down my friend! You want to preach here whilst throwing insults r u confused Lolol

    • *curious*

      April 15, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      “…you ended sound like a tramp. Tramp before marriage will always be a tramp, period”

      Matthew 7:1

    • *curious*

      April 15, 2016 at 4:27 pm

      Matthew 7:1-2

    • Gigi

      April 15, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you for being so judgmental. Even if you don’t believe in sex before marriage, there are better ways to go about it. How do you feel now after calling her a tramp? In your mind now you just fought for God bah? Learn to correct people with love, calling her names does not make you better than the sin you accuse her of.

    • Sika

      April 15, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      You are a terrible person. To think you call yourself a christian. Silly woman. Its people like you (holier than thou) that wont know how to please your man in bed because off all this silly judgmental behaviour. I bet you only allow ‘missionary’. Be there oh aunty. be dulling yourself.

    • Sika

      April 15, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      of*

    • miini

      April 15, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      This is a social platform and not everybody is bound by christian values. No sex b4 marriage is a religious or personal choice thing, so I think we need to learn to chill, live and let live. A lot of things changed for me when I realized the older generation who go around with their sanctimonious selves preaching upandan had their moments of youthful exuberance, now these pple have infected d younger generation with that attitude of bitterness and passing judgment.

      I do not believe is sex b4 marriage by the way, but I don’t believe everyone has to share ds belief. We should learn to see beyond differences like ds and just gain from a wealth of social experience. We are in d world pple, definitely not of d world, but in it no doubt.

      There is something called common grace and a lot of Christians just don’t understand ds. Marriage is a social thing by the way and falls in dt category, that’s why marriage btw any 2 pple is recognized by God and will work out if they commit themselves to making it work, even if they gbenshed b4 marriage.

      That said, if we stop being so sanctimonious, the article was actually nice and funny(even tho I raised my eyebrows at d weekend romp part) and d point of it is valid and real. Marriage is abt the little things as well as d big and we should really stop being so serious all the time.

      Really sorry for the long epistle, was just rly bothered abt how myopic some of us xtians can be. And cici u actually called her a tramp?? God must be really proud of you.

    • Darius

      April 15, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      The writer makes it seem as if sex is the almighty formular to a blissful marriage. If you have such lax attitide towards sex, I wonder what kind of sex education you would teach your children. I don’t have a problem with anybody having premarital sex. What I have a problem with is them bragging about it, glamorizing it and making it seem as if it is the coolest thing ever. While you were ranting and raving about your sex life, you forgot that NIGERIA is a conservative country and that this article won’t sit well with a lot of people. Everything bad is becoming the norm: premarital sex, homosexuality, etc. but while we make it our christian duty to speak out against such deviant behaviour, we should not resort to insults.

    • Please

      April 15, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      SHUT UP!!
      Nigerian girls I SWEAR!!
      You act like you have never sucked dick or got banged in your ass!! Abegggggg jor! Let me smack you off your high horse…or shall I say high donkey!! This is her husband not a mistress, side chick or a 1 night stand. Whatever she did to get him is whatever she did. Since you like to judge people..what scripture was it where God gave you the right to throw stones at other when ur dirty, stankin ass has been sinning.
      Fool!

    • The real dee

      April 16, 2016 at 4:43 am

      Hello, I am a Nigerian girl and I have never sucked dick or got banged in the ass. If you do that or encounter those who do that, good for y’all. But don’t come classifying everyone like we all do the same things.

      The same people who are always shagging their boyfriends will go all judgmental on a girl who does runs i.e shags guys for money. Please if you do pre-marital sex, don’t get all Judge Judy when next you read an article about that runs girl. It’s the same pre-marital sex you’re having, just that you’re not getting any financial returns on your own sexual investments.

      Also, when next Bruno defends homosexuality, plese let him be if you do pre-marital sex, don’t come and start quoting Bible, you are in the same boat.

    • TEE

      April 15, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      CICI, you see that’s where God is different. He’s is not human, He is all merciful and graceful in his ways. Dont be suprised to find this writer in heaven while you beg for a cup of water from hell. Judge not…….its also a sin.

    • Stone Cold

      April 16, 2016 at 12:28 am

      I’m sorry for y’all that think gloating about premarital sex is okay, and cursing out @Cici. I pray God has mercy on us all. God is all-forgiving, but really, you have to gloat and boast about your sins?

    • Nigerians can be hypocrites sha!

      April 15, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      Oh please can you get off your hypocritical high horse and be real for once.! This is one of the realest articles I have read in a long time and kudos to you ipheoma. Nigerians r always so quick to use the religious stance when it suits them………. abeg nuthin do you keep up d good work, it was very refreshing to read.

    • Bode

      April 16, 2016 at 4:05 am

      They are actually not exposed instead they are ignorant and unbalanced. They don’t see disciplined, focused and refined Caucasians. I know them and can introduce you to them. I am not some ignoramus who accepts every single thing being done in the Western world. Their daughter got married in April as a virgin. Yes, they insisted and desired that would be the case. They announced her state proudly and yes they were born and bred in the first world. Though African, I do not have an inferiority complex . I therefore choose my Caucasian friends carefully. In conclusion, wake up and be sensible. Stop accepting every single thing the Western World throws at you. Have a strong inner mind. Everything cannot be right.

    • Damilola

      April 16, 2016 at 2:02 am

      I enjoyed this article. But Ah ah cici no need to call her olodo. How did you miss the moral of the story, it’s as simple as nothing prepares you for the reality of marriage. It’s even you that is an olodo.

      I agree with you on your stand against fornication though. It’s okay for one to have their strong stand against fornication. I’m so tired of the statement, you are judging, you are not perfect why throw stone blah blah blah
      In this world of sin, sometimes we need strong stance to remind us of the truth bcos we easily get carried away with everything that’s wrong turned into norm. Yes, we know fornication is sin but we are all sinners.

    • Go Cici

      April 16, 2016 at 2:39 am

      Don’t mind them Cici. You should have known that the children of this world prefer darkness to light. They did the same thing to Noah and Jesus. Keep saying the truth under God. After giving the man everything before marriage what should he be looking forward to after marriage. Cici ,God is watching your good works and that is what matters. Shall we please man and displease God. No never. For those who have proposed in their hearts to drop negative remarks, trust me I can’t be bothered. The wisdom of God is truth and that is what I stand upon.

    • soj

      April 16, 2016 at 6:58 am

      madam na you only pass o shey!! i can imagine how sparkly holy you are and how God really dealt with you with every action you do wrong. ….lovely write

    • Emeka

      April 16, 2016 at 4:41 pm

      Speaking the truth is the new don’t judge. God is both the God of mercy and judgment. Guys, stop deceiving yourselves. Shall sin continue to abound because of grace. Never. Put your intellectual caps on. Someone told you the truth based on what God wrote and you are bashing the person. If you condone fornication, you are not a Christian period. You cannot change what is written. Speak the truth. David admitted his faults. He did not allow pride hinder repentance
      Stop trying to make yourself feel better by masking the truth with a lie

    • Wendypalm

      April 16, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      Why do you sound soooo bitter? Are you fighting for God or you are just pained? A true believer whether right or wrong DOES NOT judge and even if you feel her actions were wrong, don’t you think there are better ways to pass your message across? SMH

    • Msg for CiCi

      April 17, 2016 at 8:09 am

      Cici, this message is for you
      Luke 18:
      9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

      13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

      14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

  4. Besos

    April 15, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    @ ipheoma ..lovely read.. I am not married.. bt I cn imagine it is hard to always keep that spark. always wanting to keep ur spouse interested.. I already find it hard keeping BAE interested… wt will I nw do when I’m married

    • Nonsense

      April 15, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      You better ask God and not Ipheoma. This article she wrote is to destroy lives not to help

    • Besos

      April 15, 2016 at 4:56 pm

      mtchew…. destroy lives how? through honesty? u need to get ri of that sanctimonious attitude..

    • Ginger

      April 15, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      Isn’t sex an important part of marriage? Lmao you’d have preferred a ‘how to be submissive and keep your home’ article abi? Why do people think they have to be frigid and pedantic to prove that they are Christians? Nigerian’s cheating is inexcusable, but with frigid people like this. How do you even say ‘honey, I think we should try this kinky approach.’ Sex is not a dirty word or topic, get over it…
      Also, with this kind of mentality, that is why so many Nigerians are clueless about sex and often end up getting molested and being in avoidable situations, because parents like Cici and Nonsense will only tell you ‘sex is for marriage and procreation so the Lord says. If someone touches you, you will get pregnant and become a disgrace.’
      Odiegwu!

    • Stone Cold

      April 16, 2016 at 12:30 am

      Pls tell them. Y’all are here forming you’re exposed, I’m sorry, SINNING and gloating about it isn’t exposure. Stop talking about Gods forgiveness in this context abeg!

    • Amebor

      April 17, 2016 at 4:09 am

      Don’t mind them. Fornication is a sin, end off. I was so irritates with the way she wrote about it. Nigerians always trying to outdo everyone else but never in a good way. You all better repent and stop hailing nonsense.

    • The real dee

      April 16, 2016 at 4:53 am

      No 1: you don’t need to have sex with your beau to have a great sex life in marriage. When will people understand this?

      I have heard this since secondary school and it’s annoying, I don’t want to turn this article to my story but I was a virgin before I married and so was my husband, it doesn’t make us holier than others but I’m only saying this to make a point.

      The fact that we never did it before marriage is not affecting our sex life in anyway, it’s not killing any spark. It’s all in your mind, your brain is the number one tool of sex, not even the organ. Orgasm erupts in your brain so if you need information, read up on general stuff, find out about your sexual organs and points of pleasure. When I was about to get disvirgined, I read Dr. Craig’s article about getting disvirgined. Did that help? NO. People gave me all sorts of advice, did it work? NO. It took three months to get disvirgined and from thereon, sex was explosive. We found the position and spots that work.
      What Ipheoma does in her own marriage is not necessarily what will help the sex life in yours. Find your own spark in marriage.

    • Nuna

      April 16, 2016 at 6:15 am

      She never said you have to have sec before marriage. Did we read thesame article? ?
      You didn’t do it….fine and good. Now let others live. You didn’t grow up in thesame household with others.

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 7:24 am

      Omo! Mo love story e pa. Please more like this. Kai.

      marriageheat.com

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 7:21 am

      It is semi-fictional, that much is very clear. If someone wrote the reality you would hardly care.
      Life is life.
      Sex is not that great. Marriage is not the ticket to paradise. F*ing a lot is not really fun. (Imagine how dreary it would be to just write about that, as if life wasn’t hard enough already lol)

      No, you can’t always keep that spark. How much energy do you (think you) have?

  5. glow

    April 15, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    wooow…great piece to learn from…i was glued to reading it from the beginning to the end..nice one

  6. Ssssaaaaa

    April 15, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    Thank you for this. I like that your partnership is an actual “partnership” and not all about pleasing the man and letting him call the shots. God bless your marriage and I’m really pleased with your understanding, 50/50 union where everyone is understanding and respectful.
    I hope to have a loving and understanding marriage like this. God bless

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 7:26 am

      Your comment is so touching, Sssaa, I’m about to cry. Amen to your prayers, joy to your world.

  7. Odididi

    April 15, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    This post is by no means educative. Very shallow. There are other changes to worry bout in a marriage.. Not dis. If I am in a real relationship.. What d heck do i care if my bf sees my hair tucked into a bonnet, or if i cme to his house wearing full underpants or watever… Why wd i play all these fake games, if I knw i cnt keep up wt t after marriage. Why fake it pls.? This whole post makes it seem like u are depending soo much on sex to make your marriage work out. Wake up, brace urself for weightier issues ahead.

    • Nahum

      April 15, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      Thank you!! I found the article very shallow, like you are trying to relive some “Sex and the City” fantasy. I truly did not get your point. Married couples deal with very weighty and complex issues, please don’t trivialize marriage to how many times you hump each other. There are millions of couples that hump each other everyday and end up divorcing. So sex is no measurement to how happy a marriage is.

    • SugaMama

      April 15, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      But where did she equate the amount of sex they had to how happy they were? She is writing about ONE issue she was naive about before and after marriage. Just ONE. No where did she say there aren’t other issues, no where did she say this was the only issue. She highlighted ONE issue. Stop being so judgmental. Kudos to her for being honest about how unrealistic she was and hopefully someone reading this will learn from it.

    • Babym

      April 15, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      I completely disagree with u and Nahum. It may seem trivial to you guys but it’s these little things left unaddressed that cause bigger wahala. I also feel like she was using this one aspect as an example, the broader message I got from this was expectations, communication is key! A couple should be able to communicate and find a middle ground to whatever issues they face no matter how small. See how they have handled the issue with sense, when ‘bigger’ issues come best believe they will be able to handle it ?

    • Kadara

      April 15, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      Actually Sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. This attitude of yours is why many Nigerian marriages are dead because even when a woman is not satisfied society tries to shame her for dating to want sex. Without sex most couples will grow apart and before would know it you are roommates! Having sex infrequently in a marriage is a recipe for disaster . I commend the writer, many women would have kept their mouth shut while they grow apart and before you know it one of them is falling into temptation . Yes their are many weight issues in a marriage and SEX is one of them. Please I want back the old Bella naija crowd not this judgemental hypocrites here and this is coming from a woman who has been abstaining for years becasuse I believe that’s what God desires of us but as I have no right to force that down anyone else’s throat. You lot are the ones that give religious people a bad name . Shame on you

    • Nahum

      April 15, 2016 at 9:41 pm

      I never presented my opinion as a religious one, I still feel this article is very shallow and poorly presented. I do not take it back!! And my opinion does not mean I am judging her, she can do her, I care less. I just don’t like the way her article was presented. There are NUMEROUS reasons why couples stop having sex in a marriage and yes, it is very traumatic. But please don’t trivialize it by making it seem that you are not dressing sexy enough for him. THAT is what I meant by weightier issues. In trying so hard to sound like Carrie Bradshaw, she trivialized it. My opinion and I am sticking to it!!!

    • Onyie

      April 15, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      Thank you @Kadara! I was just thinking the exact same thing! What the hell happened to the old BN community where we held intelligent conversations/debates without throwing insults or judging anyone for their choices. I honestly don’t know where this new crop of people migrated from o.

      @Nahum you surprise me cos you are an oldie here. The writer used sex as a reference point. I don’t think she was trying to say sex is the be all and end all of marriage. Didn’t you read the end where she stated that people shouldn’t treat marriage the same way they would a just dating relationship? I believe she’s saying that things will definitely change when you get married and not to expect things to stay the same so its important to keep an open mind and be prepared for that. That is what i got from this post.

      And to all the virgins who are waiting till marriage – this is your prerogative and i applaud you for this choice. However, just like its your choice to wait till you get marriage, people should also be allowed to make the choice to not wait without having to be tried, judge and sent to hell by you lot! Please everyone should live their lives as they see fit abeg.

    • MOiii

      April 18, 2016 at 9:58 am

      Sex is important but communication is key if u and ur hubby communicate well and tell urself anything u won’t even realize u haven’t had sex in a while, talking from experience. She made sex look like the almighty formula in marriage, it is NOT

  8. Catherine

    April 15, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    Loved loved loved this!!!! Thanks for sharing

  9. simi

    April 15, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    lol. i love this article. i wish you all the best as you continue this journey

  10. UgoUgo

    April 15, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    Just like I always said, successful marriage does not depend on how long you have dated or known each other……nice write up…

  11. blessing

    April 15, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    Amazing write up! I loved every bit of it, am gonna share with my husband

  12. Amy

    April 15, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    I always wonder……how often is reasonable for a married couple to have sex in a week

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 7:30 am

      ask google it varies, there’s no normal.
      lazy person like me, probably once a month, once a year? but i’ve heard people try / sustain many times daily.
      please pray or ask or test so that you will not enter one chance. 😀

  13. Shokola

    April 15, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    I will tell ur mummy for you! U were knacking b4 marriage ? Just imagine if u had gone to report the lack of knacking to an elder hehehe the judgment no go dey here ?. Lovely candid write up.

  14. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    April 15, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    I grinned sheepishly all through. But i see lots of #TeamNoSexBeforeMarriage not liking it – and I’d definitely understand..

    Before we got married, anytime i visited him in Lagos (weekends), he’d drive me around – like ANYWHERE! Fastforward to 10 days after wedding.
    Me: Babe, please I’ll be going to Sister XYZ to drop her souvenirs, when is it likely you be free to take me there?
    Oga: *stamps feet* Go and learn how to drive o! In fact, I’m tired, i think I’m about to have a crisis this evening, my back hurts, my bones etc
    Shuo!!! You no get bones before when you were doing Ifesinachi Motors for me before? Anyway, I went to a driving school the following morning and about 7 days later, i was already doing Schumacher up and down.

    I’ve been married for (just) 3years and trust me, when people ask me how has marriage been, i ALWAYS reply with “we are still dating” cos that’s the truth. Homeboy and i dated for about 5yrs and we thought we knew each other like our plams but na foul. I wish i could attach a meme to this post re my looks sometimes when he does or says something really strange. But I’m learning daily that marriage isn’t a one size fits all and it doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
    May God bless our homes.

    • Pretty girl

      April 15, 2016 at 10:30 pm

      U are not single shalewa but married shalewa and happy Bintu

    • Folu

      April 16, 2016 at 1:24 am

      Eh eh eh…story of my life,Still dating is actually the word..God bless our homes

  15. Layo

    April 15, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    Seems like then foundation of your marriage is sex. All the best.

    • Chiamaka Benson

      April 15, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      Abi ohh
      evidently thats their Solid FOUNDATION
      Sex 7 days a week
      🙂 🙂 🙂
      I can see the end right now 🙂 🙂 🙂 that is the problem with today society and why there is a high level of divorce. Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex – nothing else

  16. TimeTestedValues

    April 15, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    Sex.Before.Marriage is a no no.

    I know it is not easy in this day and age we are living in, but any man that says he has to sleep with you before marriage is a destroyer sent from hell to destroy your life. You can’t wait? pls keep it moving.

    God help us to not get over-sophisticated and over-exposed.

    • Chiamaka Benson

      April 15, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      I totally agree with 100%
      It took me many years to truly understand it but now i do and will NEVER compromise on that
      Clearly majority on BN reading will not get it and will come here and call you sanctimonious and all that nonsense. Ignore them and stick to your values honoring GOd

      next thing they will be fasting 40 days and practically living in MFM cos they dont understand why their marriage is failing

    • Osheyy

      April 15, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      You don’t mean it? So you’re trying to say she married her destroyer? LOL Abeg Abeg Abeg such arrant nonsense

    • Nuna

      April 16, 2016 at 6:12 am

      Did you even read the article? Did you??

  17. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    April 15, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    Hello Cici, so because she slept with her husband before marriage means she’s a tramp? Wow!! You’re a very disrespectful person and I’m sure the God you serve doesn’t dig such. But hey, enjoy your judgy self. So cos you waited till your wedding night, that makes you a better wife? Looooooooooooool you’re hilarious. Marriage isn’t all about sex and you should know better.
    Yes, i support no sex till marriage. What i don’t support is women tearing other women down for their personal choices. It’s none of your business what other people choose to do with their vaginas. Stop policing peoples’ privates. Your type hardly talk about men sleeping up and down but you’re quick to call a woman a tramp. I can’t even deal.

  18. Babym

    April 15, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    Lool this is so on point! And these r very REAL issues in marriage o. My own was the gift giving! B4 we got married hubby was just throwing gifts upandan and I happen to b a Xmas baby and married in December as well, so I was dancing shoki in my head that when we marry I will collect bday, Xmas and anniversary present! But hubby in his infinite wisdom decided to be presenting me with one gift for all occasions!! ? Granted it’s a hefty gift and it makes economic sense but me ke who wan hear that one buhahahaha I no gree o. Anyway I sha learnt our love language is different, but rather than set him up to dissapoint me I just drum it into his head very well to continue the wooing. ?

  19. Mike orishaguna

    April 15, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    I see u hypocrites, the no sex before marriage brigade, the I am holier than thou brigade, Na una husband dey cheat pass. Who made you the judge and jury Abeg go and sit down.

  20. Oluwaseyi

    April 15, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    Most people get this write up wrong, she used their sexual activities as an example, it’s actually apply to every part of marriage and she actually right. There are sides of your spouse you will never know until you begin to live together. A lot of surprises which can only be understand when both communicate.

  21. Hashva

    April 15, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    Jeez @cici I think she just meant to shed light on the fact that people evolve after marriage, and our expectations of our partners should evolve with the reality of marriage.
    It may not be sex for you, it could be that your boyfriend was the epitome of the hero in a romantic movie before you got married, but the responsibilities of daily married life has slowly made him less the romantic and more the pragmatist. Whatever rocks your boat. The moral of the story for me was learn to communicate, and compromise.
    P/S I laughed all through the read, after a rough day at work, this made my day. Thanks writer.

  22. Cika

    April 15, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    i learnt alot,thats what matters to me right now…

  23. Anon

    April 15, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Some people can judge sha…..and they can throw stones…please read your bible. Do not judge. Nice write up by the way.And no i dont support sex before marriage…..bt then,nobody holy pass .I pray we all find mercy which is the most important thing.

    • Tola

      April 16, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      This do not judge is what will lead you into trouble. If your child becomes bottom class make sure you don’t judge. Just let Him carry go. Every truth is now masked in the popular ‘do not judge’ statement. Some people just like being politically correct. Call a spade a spade. I know fornication is wrong but’ I am afraid the man will get it elsewhere’ which is one of the reasons women have sex. Fornication is sin according to Biblical standards. Shikennah. Trust God and He will give you a great man. Fear will cause you to sin. I kept myself and I am married to a great man, Christian man. I am a lawyer by profession and to the glory of God, he just bought me a house outside the country. Get my gist here please. God is still faithful and still rewards. Don’t get things in ways outside Him.

  24. Eni

    April 15, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    I am not going to touch on the pre-marital sex bit even as a virgin who is waiting for her hubby and only her hubby. To each their own. I don’t agree but won’t insult you about that.

    What I am baffled about in this 2016 is how you still had not grasped it would tiring and exhausting for your hubby with all that has been going on for workers for the past 5 years at least. Increased traffic, less funds more stress. I have never worked in Nigeria but my family are there. I know how hard it is for them. Seriously baffled about that bit? Does hubby excercise? Is he in shape or is he struggling now?

    Granted it isn’t what you expected as that isn’t what hubby showed but surely you get he would be tired after a long day? Was there a change we are not enlightened about in this write up.

    I would have looked at ways in increase his overall energy via food (nothing heavy) and a relaxing “dessert” as it were as opposed to being upset.

    Nothing prepares you and of course you learn everyday. Just like applying theory to a new job. Uni will not teach you everything but you will find your way as you did with the shirt compromise.

    Forgive me if it seems like I am coming for you, I am not though it may read that way. This is just an honest concern.

    Love and Peace Eni

    • molarah

      April 16, 2016 at 2:04 pm

      Exactly. And I think this is what the #TeamNoSexB4Marriage was coming at her for, even though they may not have framed their thoughts clearly enough. I mean, even if you are not religious or don’t read the bible, err-yone who’s in their 20s-30s that grew up in Lagos during the Bimbo Odukoya era learnt that premarital sex clouds your ability to see, face, and work at fixing the real issues of marriage before you get married. What folks are saying is that, nothing she claimed to be new after marriage was actually new. If she had spent less time on “sexual romps” she would have gotten round to thinking about what the impact of Lagos stress and living would be on her husband, and thought about creative ways to get round that problem. It’s just basic wisdom we women are supposed to be walking in (yup, the men actually anticipate that we will bring that value to the marriage): and it’s not even a valid reason for marital quarrels. So, sista writer, the reason for your marital headache is simple – you forgot (or neglected) to read the pre-marital instruction kit. It’s not complicated, and it’s not really a learning point for anyone who did their research before marriage. Hate to break it to you that way, but it’s the brutal truth.

  25. Person

    April 15, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Ok oh! It haff do; we see yall #teamnosexbeforemarriage! We have heard you people! Oya, here’s a stadium full of seats \_ \_ \_, you can like to have a seat!

    My dear writer, I definitely agree with you! When I first started dating Babe, my hair and makeup used to be on point! Fast forward to when we started living together, I couldn’t even be bothered! Omo, bros tear eye for me o! Especially re the hair. I had to do a quick 180! Respectful communication really is key to every adult relationship!

  26. Nma

    April 15, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    Iphy-baby! Take five jor! U sound like my kinda babe; non-pretencious, real and blunt! All these holy-nwejes everywhere reprimanding this chic meanwhile she is happy and making her hubby happy! Dey there dey form over-sanctimonious. Thats why so many of ur husbands dont feel comfortable asking you to try freaky things in the bedroom buut would rather go outside and get it. Alot of uu bring this same stiff and judgemental attitude into ur own marriages and wont give ur man head, or try spontaneous mind-blowing sex in unusual locations, yet u expect the man to be satisfied with routine boring sex. I am definitely not condoning cheating as its a deal-breaker for me but nigerians are the biggest hypocrites i swear! How do u even know Ipheoma is a Christian? Is christianity the only religion of earth? See as ure shouting at the girl like u gave birth to her and taught her her values. I will chill with a chic like Ipheoma any damn day than all u pretensious, sanctimonious, hypocritical naija babes. Nonsense!

    • Amebor

      April 17, 2016 at 4:13 am

      Aunty Chi Chi, is that you? Not surprises you’ll approve of this kind of article. No be you. Aunty high mileage. Well done, animashaun. Distributing upandan.

  27. ISaySeeYourLife

    April 15, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    Bella naija please next time dont post such nonsensical articles from married person whose marriage is all about sex. We want someone who has been happily married for years and will talk about everything about marriage – not just focus on i have sex 2 times a day 7 days a week, Dry marriage, You take their 24/7 sex out the equation they got nothing else left evidently from her write up.

    What about communication ,and all other important stuff. A 18 or 20 yr old reads this bullshyt she just wrote and will think this is all that marriage is about. . No moral to the story, Just blahhhh

    • Nuna

      April 16, 2016 at 6:06 am

      Maybe you should try submitting your own article. Instead of going upandan policing what others submit to them. This is a social forum and if you don’t like it, you can go to Daystar ps RCCG forums online. You are not the only one who reads BN.
      I don’t know why it’s so difficult for y’all to come to terms with the fact that she picked one integral aspect of marriage to discuss. Did she tell you all she does in her marriage is have sex?
      Here’s ut chilled coke…

  28. Gbemi

    April 15, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    Wow .. Great to know that all Nigerian girls or Bella naija readers are all teamnosexbeforemarriage……. Guess the guys sleeping around are just sleeping with themselves … Yinmu

    • tina

      April 15, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      As hard as it may be for you t keep your legs closed for even one month
      there are many of us out here who by choice keep it close and want to keep it close till marriage

      But you know i understand whores will never get it

      #SEXisAirTheyBreath

      We understand your struggle;.

      Keep increasing mileage.

    • Nma

      April 15, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Whores? U people are hella ridiculous and disrespectful on this blog! Hian. I blame y’alls close-mindedness on lack of exposure, because if u were properly educated and lived in a firstworld metro-city, you’d know that people have different values, cultures and religion…and living amongst them, u MUST respect their views! U dont have to understand or agree with their lifestyle but ud be foolish not to respect it. Everyone thinks their way of life is the ultimate.

      Furthermore, U need to look up the meaning of “whore’ and tell me where she ever mentioned sleeping with multiple men at once. Holy sister mary…we have heard. U are very disciplined and holy…anyi anugo. Now run along before u pop a blood vessel.

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 7:35 am

      ki lo deee. doctor recommends a deeep shag for tina.

    • Person

      April 16, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      ‘whores! You are hella disrespectful! And I bet in real life, you CAN’T say that to anybody’s face! Else, you’ll get bitch-slapped! Keyboard warriors :/ BN, this is getting really terrible and unacceptable. A lot of your old-timers don’t come here any longer! But I guess it doesn’t matter since you are now a ‘media company’ and not a blog, yeah?

  29. Mr. Egghead

    April 15, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    || To that, he looked me and said ‘how does a hardworking man cheat in this Lagos?

    Any man in Lagos who can’t answer that question is still a learner.

    Y’all need to chill. Some marriages will be sexually charged and others will not be able to afford that luxury. If sex is important to her and her husband, then that is their business.
    Meanwhile @ Cici et al, I can’t understand why a fellow Christian would be using such terrible language in expressing disagreement with another person’s lifestyle. That is NOT how Jesus would have done it.

  30. K mama

    April 15, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    I like the article shaa, it’s nice. But if hubby is tired una fit cuddle na, the thing is relaxing. About the pre marital sex topic, I am against it because it is a sin, let anyone say what they like. Something that is wrong is wrong.

    From my observation, the sex life of married couples who had pre marital sex is less interesting than that of those who didn’t. Why, because the former lose interest in sex as they believe that they have experienced it all while the latter are continuously trying to improve in that area. #mytwocents.

    • Mimi

      April 16, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      Lmaooooooo biggest lie ever!!

  31. British mum

    April 15, 2016 at 11:56 pm

    This article is toxic, period!

  32. Ginger

    April 16, 2016 at 2:14 am

    Lool sounds like you guys have dirty minds. Because how did you read this entire article and ALL you saw were her sex trysts before marriage? I didn’t even notice that part because I was too busy trying to figure out how she would end up resolving the gap with her husband.
    Guess you guys are the ones with dirty minds. Lol. Seems Christians are really unkind people. Everyday I read comments from Christians here, I’m happy I’m not one because these are not the group of people I’d want to identify with. If it’s not using your religion to bash gender equality bill, it’s to justify extrajudicial killing of homosexuals. If anything, you’re more like scroll-thumping Pharisees.

    I hope you people aren’t this bitter and vitriolic in real life, and I hope you guys aren’t so frigid about sex in your own marriages. I thought God’s number 1 rule was love, but how can such a God have people who worship Him and yet they are so mean.
    Also, if all of you are virgins, who are these men sleeping with? ?
    Please, you guys should do better.

    • miini

      April 16, 2016 at 7:08 am

      Ginger pls don’t mind them jare. Not everyone who claims to be a christian understands what true christianity is, just like not everyone who is a doctor is actually a good one. I am a christian, but I live and let live bcoz I know not everyone shares my views. The ones I think are rly missing it, I pray for them and move on. I will only ‘argue’ if u are trying to disrespect my values, but even that, I will prefer to move on. All these so called Christians fighting for God and insulting and disrespecting pple in d process…..omo it is well with u pple o. I can’t figure out how u pple are any different from the pharisees. We guys have so missed it and derailed from the kind of life that Jesus and the apostles preached. We are so caught of with ‘works’ that we have lost the realities of God’s grace and now even fight those who haven’t such that even within the christian fold, the oldies are so against the more liberal. All ds hate in d house of God.

      Me just wish we will read our bibles and ask God to help us understand his word, his love, his calling unto good works and to be light to our generation. We are certainly no light with such bitterness and hypocrisy. Cici and her supporters, I’d NEVER listen to u preach to me with such attitude, that’s d truth. I don’t know if we ddnt read from d bible how Christ talked to d sinners of his days. He never excused sin but he also said he ddnt come to judge but to save. Pls where is our mercy as Christians ehn? God will have mercy on us o.

      And all d pple shouting there are more important things in marriage than sex, u actually have it wrong. Sex is a probably the most important thing in marriage; infact Paul told d corinthians to get married only if they could not ‘contain’. Which means if u can contain, u dnt need to get married, focus on serving God, but get married if u cannot contain…it’s all in ur bible. We are just too pretentious it’s sad.

      Again sorry for the epistle. This is d 2nd time I’m reading Ginger comment like ds and it saddens me.

    • The real dee

      April 16, 2016 at 9:21 am

      My dear ginger. Don’t seek to identify with Chrsitians, I am a Christian and I don’t even want you to seek to be identified with me cos’you may be disappointed. I am human and not infallible, so as many other Christians. The person you should seek to identify with is Jesus Christ, He’s the only one who’ll never disappoint you.

      God has doctrines and laws which Christians are supposed to follow. By the time you allign with Christ and start following his doctrines and laws, you’ll realise how the coin flips and people start calling you Bible thumping hypocrite because you are only restating God’s law or living your life as God pleases.

      So my dear, even Jesus Christ was thoroughly opposed, antagonised, and humiliated in his lifetime, he was even called a Blasphemer. So the fact that a Christian chooses to stand firm on God’s word and he is opposed by the world doesn’t mean He is not approved by God.

      What is my point? I figure you really want to follow Christ and not be agnostic. I can deduce that from your comments even on some other posts. Just let it go. Stop using the behavior of some Christians as your excuse not to follow Christ. In the end, God won’t even consider that a valid reason for rejecting the truth. Just surrender to Jesus, let go and stop witholding back from what your heart really yearns for.

    • Tincan

      April 16, 2016 at 10:20 am

      Please stop it! Don’t tar all Christians with the same brush, thank you. There are so many examples of Christians on this platform who are kind hearted and speak the truth in love as we are admonished to, don’t disregard them to make a point against Christianity. Thanking you in advance.

      Cici, two things. One, wisdom is the principal thing. Two, there is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Selah.

  33. Chacha

    April 16, 2016 at 6:05 am

    Wow!!! Something must be wrong somewhere but not with this article.. This article was real and touched on very important issues in marriages. The writer was clearly trying to point out why people should talk about everything and give room for the new changes they will experience. Sex was just an example.
    We complain about other religions and how rigid some of them are with their religious ideas, some Christians are far worse. It will be nice if some people travel more to see that the world is not only about them and their belives. We all have to learn to tolerate others and their perspective to life.

    I was expecting to see other people give examples of the changes they experienced when they got married not opinions about premarital sex, everyone should decide on what they want and how best they want to live their lives.

    It’s actually not that serious at the end of the day.

  34. TENI

    April 16, 2016 at 6:49 am

    FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT 🙂
    THE WHORES ARE FIGHTING AGAINST THE THE VIRGINS AND CELEBACIES
    WHY ARE YOU SO PAINED YOU DONT HAVE THE GRACE NOT TO BE A WHORE AND ONLY SEX DEFINES YOUR VERY BEING.

  35. initially

    April 16, 2016 at 9:54 am

    initially, one may be tempted to think the article is just about sex, but when you read in between the lines, you will understand that the whole message centers around “changes in attitude/behaviour of partners overtime,which is a continuous phenomenon and you get to notice later on”

    sex is just one part of it and used as a case study here.

    I am married man (3yrs +) and as I read through, what came to my mind were things my wife has mentioned to me that has changed in me and things I had noticed changed in her.

    marriage is a school where you will never graduate from. You will constantly see changes in your partner that you never saw while dating.

    just be open to the changes, talk about it once in a while, dont nag about it, be matured about it as you can’t change him/her forcefully overnight.

    You will notice something from our parents, especially mine. For example, when i was younger, can recall dad complaining about mum’s over-activity, from here to there, one occasion to another- but as they grew, he sees nothing about it again as he has come to accept that this is the nature of the woman he married.

    so maturity makes you overlook things, it is not every fault of your partner that you pick up as a fight. “maturity says ignore it! ” she is human and “To err is human”

    Youths of this age, let’s be patient, persevering, understanding and matured about everything. marriage is not dating! You can’t pick up every issue like when you were dating

    Note to wifey, even though there may be changes, just know that I still love you and will always do! Thanks for being my partner, going thru every facet of life together

    I pray for every single that desires to be married, your heart desires are granted in the name of Jesus!

    • Tosin

      April 16, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      hmmm.
      look at this commenter. does he have two heads?
      in fact, just clap for him.

  36. fre-fre

    April 16, 2016 at 2:12 pm

    true talk ooo, nothing prepares u for marriage, not even years of dating before marriage. just be willing to enjoy the extra baggage that comes after saying “I DO”

  37. koko

    April 16, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    Haha the comments are killing me.

  38. TdMusic

    April 16, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    Am going to address d Christians… If u c anytin on BN u dont agree with. Just state ur opinion n move on. Let us (Christians) abstain from name calling please. It brings a wrong image to d body of Christ. Besides its BN biko… It’s not a Christian Journal… So if u know u will hav high bp from their articles dont log in… #Shikena #LiveNLetOdazLive

  39. I believe in values

    April 16, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    Too bad. I feel a lot of “Christians” here are more interested in being nice and passing by than speaking the truth. Most people understand where the christians are coming from, but are too shy to speak even on an online blog, because they are afraid people would bash them or attack.
    I hear a someone mention “Live and let live” and also claim Christianity!

    Don’t be fooled!
    “God is not mocked!!!”

    And to the other “christains” want to play nice and avoid bashing and insults- my dad always says this “Only your real friends disagree with you.”

    Also what gives you the impression that Jesus was this nice, easy going person that everybody loved.

    He heavily criticized the pharisees and the Sadducees. and the high priest. He was at their throats all through his ministry. Calling them out through the scriptures, parables e.t.c. That is why they hated him so much

    If he was the nice easy going, easy accepting person, they wouldn’t have crucified him. If he was a sycophant, they wouldn’t have spared a hardened criminal over him.

    You know why the people he came to save were so mean to him and hated his guts?

    Because he told the truth and they hated him for it!

    And in case the bella naijarian “christians” didn’t know, he also mandated us to spread the gospel to every nook and corner of the world.

    So if you’re shy of speaking God’s Law. If you’re indifferent of opposing the preachings that contradict the Word of God. Don’t deceive yourself.

    YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN.

    • Msg for CiCi

      April 17, 2016 at 8:22 am

      Dear I believe in values
      We should boldly proclaim God’s Word BUT we are not asked to CONDEMN others which is what CiCi did. Do you think sexual sin or fornication / adultery is the only sin God will judge on that day? Those who back bite at work, collect bribes, have unclean thoughts have all sinned. We can never merit God’s favour on our efforts.

      If we compare ourselves with others, we may become like the Pharisee, thanking God that we are not like other people – ‘robbers, evildoers, adulterers’. The Pharisee was ‘confident of his own righteousness’ (v.9). He fell into the trap of trusting himself. If our lives are truly God-centred, we will compare ourselves with Him and all we can say is, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner’ (v.13). The truth is that we are all sinners, and we are all in need of God’s mercy.

      We find it very easy to read the Pharisee vs sinner passage and to thank God that we are not like the Pharisee. But by doing so we fall into the very trap that Jesus is describing – thinking we am more righteous than others, rather than recognising our sin and need for God. This is exactly the sin of the Pharisee.

  40. Hello

    April 17, 2016 at 5:48 am

    Sex before marriage. A big no no!.

  41. Meanwhile...

    April 17, 2016 at 7:43 am

    Imported religion: Making africans bitter and evil since 18 something…????. You guys don’t even read your bible it seems. The first direct order from ” God” to humans was ” go forth and multiply” , how do You do That without sex? I guess u are confused because of all those contradictions in your “holy book”?

  42. Msg for CiCi

    April 17, 2016 at 8:25 am

    Dear Ipheoma,
    I know you would have read all these comments above. Don’t let it get you down. If you are a Christian, confess it all to God and ask Him to help you begin a new foundation for your marriage. God is gracious and forgiving and will always give people second and third…chances if they are sincere. I wish you the best in your marriage.

  43. kathy

    April 17, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    Christians! Why do humans think God mandates them to do His work? Do not judge! How difficult is it to understand?Thee writer you call a tramp today,probably has repented while you ‘holier-than-thou’ might end up in hell for judging. BTW fornication and adultery are not the only sins in the bible oh! Remember Mary Magdalene?

  44. Ay

    April 17, 2016 at 11:19 pm

    She Is Enjoying Her Marriage and Has found a Formula that works for her and her hubby and People are Hear talking Rubbish instead of U to take the learning point in d Story!
    Every Successful Marriage is Successful Cos the Couple simply found together what works! So Stop getting angry and Look for a formula dat works for U
    Stop Hating on a Successful Marriage
    Am A Man and Can tell u for free Everyman Loves great Sex and it’s better if D great sex is from the Wife
    Stop Judging Guys ok

  45. Monalisa Dario

    April 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    love and sex are two different things most people get wrong. but still there are both vital in relationships, but not as much as communication.

    relationship eguide/ Lady

  46. John Booth

    April 1, 2018 at 1:50 am

    love and sex are two different things most people get wrong. but still there are both vital in relationships, but not as much as communication.

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