Jasmine Howson-Wright: Love Is…

I was returning home from work the other day and on the radio station there was a discussion going on. I tuned in just at the moment calls came in responding to the topic, so I had obviously missed the headliner. I did decipher later on that the discussion was about love, and seeing as I am such a SUCKER for love and everything sweet and happy! I just stayed tuned, enjoying my ride back home in the company of strangers with different and I must say laughable opinions on this “love matter”. It was quite an interesting discussion but in all that was said, I did relate to the O.A.P’s expression of what he believed love is and not quoting, he said – Love is a choice to accept another. To accept the good and the not so good parts about someone, with the ultimate intention of making that person better than whom they were when you met them. It was like he was telling me something; something I did know but with much truth, it felt like a first understanding.

There are so many definitions to love and as a matter of fact, the word literally allows for a whole universe of definitions or should I better say – opinions. I believe this is because like experience, love is personal and no matter how much one is taught in theory, experience brings it home, to one’s reality. Now this isn’t intended to be the cliché love talk you are accustomed to hearing or reading, this ‘yarns’, is simply ‘my’ definition of love (But then again, you might already know now wouldn’t you?)

Love to me is accepting
Accepting, first! I believe we get it wrong the moment we think that in order to love someone, they have to change first or naturally blend into our ideals, logic, and lifestyle. They must fit in and meet all the specifications we have listed. Wes Angelozzi said -“Go and love someone exactly as they are and then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their essence, one is instantly empowered”. Love that must be given and gotten back in its purest form is a love not built on a singular individual’s standard, a love that is focused on letting the other in, so that they can be understood from within and not from what outward dictates has to teach about them. This love wouldn’t be fake because each one of the parties just lives and is true to themselves, knowing that who “they” are, is enough for a start. No hiding, no pretence, no corners. This love wouldn’t necessarily happen because it was expected, it happens because it wasn’t.

It is positive
Of course your partner or the person loved wouldn’t be perfect. No way, Jose! Accepting him or her in whole does not write off the fact that he or she has flaws and in some cases, MAJOR, Type A, State of Emergency kind of flaws but, that’s the trick – working with the positive.
Do you realise that a lot of times, those flaws are the only facts the person knows about him or herself? It’s a stereotype they’ve grown up with, an understanding of who they are, equivalent to the society they grew up in, which defined them. What a parent constantly fed to their hearing about themselves, each time they were not ‘on point’; what they learnt from life, because…it’s a hard knock life.

There could be a lot more negatives or a lot less; but, staying focused on the positives helps them see the side of themselves they did not know existed. It’s like they had been looking at a mirror all the while showing how dirty they were in front and another mirror is put behind to show what cannot be easily seen and alas! Some evidence that they were not rolled up completely in the mud. A chuckle can be heard, a smile seen, a little bit of hope felt and confidence brewed from within. What a relief! Now they see they are a bit better that who they thought they were, they want to improve, they want to find out more, they are grateful! They would want that person in their lives too and appreciate their essence as well. (Well, wouldn’t you want that mirror at that exact position forever?)

I believe love is a process
It is a sequence of one moment after the other. Make no mistake about it, no matter how hard one falls in love, standing up and remaining in love is the test of love. The process defines how true and real that love is which, leads me to believe.

Love is a deliberate choice
The process that defines true love will only be because someone chose. It is not and can never be a day’s experience, so every day is deliberate. It is choice to love on days she does not look HOT or days he isn’t so dapper. It is a choice on days she accidentally dents your E550 coupe, while taking it out on a spin and it will be the choice on days when every other person has a nasty opinion about them. It is an everyday choice! Ever wondered why a mother’s love knows no limit? She chooses every day.

Love is growth – becoming better
Show me a couple in love and I will point out two individuals that are a better version of themselves. Show me anyone that claims to love and the same applies. Here is the thing, they get better because they want the other to have what’s best and so they improve. They improve because they have been allowed to or they now discover they can. Love doesn’t stifle up, shrink, compress? Love is a release. I believe that if a relationship (in whatever context) suffocates an individual so much that they begin to shrink, then, they are not loved.

Love equals sacrifice
Understand that love is selfless. (This should be on its own, but I do have a point to make here so let’s carry on)Love is given and IS giving. You want what is best for the other so much so, you push for that person to move ahead. Don’t get it twisted, no one is saying you have to be totally out of the picture, for it to be a great shot – Nope. It’s just focusing on you less and doing things to make the other shine through. (You have to agree those are the best shots!) This love will not be convenient, and oh! It might be painstaking but, sacrifice will be required; time, comfort, funds (yes! Money), reputation, you just name it and it can be a cost to pay, to let go of, just for another. Imagine both parties understand this, ce finis!

Love should ultimately make you better. Now that’s just my thought, all in favour? What else is there for you to this thing called love?

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