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Yetunde Olasiyan: Is the Culture of Bride Price Payment Fading Away?

Yetunde Olasiyan

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Foto.com.ng - Downloads-18This issue of parents returning the bride price on their daughter’s wedding day is fast becoming the norm at traditional marriage ceremonies these days. You hear statements like ‘please take the money back, we are not selling our daughter’.

Bride price is usually the payment made by the groom, in monetary form, or coupled with other materials, to the parent or guardian of a female for marriage purposes. The amount varies across different tribes and families in Nigeria.
Sometimes, it is the exclusive preserve of the bride to demand for whatever she want from the groom’s family either in cash or kind. Most times however, the bride price is set by the family. Some pay as much as a million naira, while others pay less than N10,000.

They say it is collected to ensure commitment and respect from the groom. On whether the amount is relevant to marriage, they say it is not the importance, but the cultural value attached to it. Some say the paying of bride price is just symbolic and not important.

According to people who got married over three decades ago, the bride price was just one Naira. Some also paid between 40-60 Naira. It is commonly this cheap. But, no matter the amount, is it equivalent to the value of the bride?
Couples living together as husbands and wives are often regarded as mere co-habitants, if their union has not been formalised with the payment of bride price. It is that important. It is also established in the customary law of Nigeria that the payment of bride price is important. Even religion supports the payment of bride price.

Since when did bride price collection become equivalent to payment for slave trade? How did we come to the conclusion that it has suddenly meant selling ‘our’ child. If they would decline the bride price as a means of being gracious to the groom, why can’t it just be as plain simple as that? Must we vainly interpret or ascribe undue meanings to some age long tradition? How did it even start?

Is the idea of bride price bad altogether? Or is the tradition going into extinction? Is civilisation creeping on us and eroding our cultural values?
While I am not really for tradition, I am just curious to know the cause of this after witnessing it at several weddings. And, can’t it be declined in private rather than announcing before the public that you do not want the bride price?

What beats me is that most times the bride price is often a ridiculous amount of money that anybody can part with. But, why would the groom for that matter think in his head that after paying that ridiculous sum, he actually ‘bought’ the wife and can do anything he wishes to her? Men of old never used to think that way. I never heard that from older generations of people close to me.

I think that by coming up with this stance by ourselves, we have inadvertently given those men that very idea. We have helped them to see us as commodities that can be bought. Bride price was simply accepted for what it was, as an age long tradition and everybody complied happily with it. Until recently that it became associated with ‘buying and selling’-as weird as that sounds.

I am indifferent as to whether the age long tradition of bride price collection goes into extinction or not, but can we just stop announcing the caveat-we are not selling our daughter? That makes it lack appeal.
As a bride, did you feel you were being sold out when your parents collected your bride price? Did it diminish your worth? If you are a bride to be, would you agree with your parents to decline the bride price publicly? If you are married and your bride price was waived, does it make you feel different in your marriage?

Photo Credit: Foto.com.ng

She has won many awards in writing and poetry amongst which are CLO essay competition (1st Prize Southwest) NDIC essay competition(5th Prize in the southwest) and a World Bank Essay Certificate of Participation She has worked with woman.ng as a content editor and a host of sites as a ghost writer. She has written great inspirational content for fashion brands/blogs. She has been featured on radio and recently added public speaking to her portfolio. She shares witty content on her personal blog at yetundeolasiyan.com You can hire her to write a professional/business profile for you, online content editing, book editing, guest blogging, ghostwriting, content creation or if you need copies of her book, contact her via [email protected] Facebook.com/Yetunde Olasiyan instagram.com/Yetunde Olasiyan

59 Comments

  1. "changing moniker"

    June 20, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    ermmm…… i am not married yet but when i am, i’ll come back to comment on my thoughts.

    I wish BN would notify people when others respond to their comment.

    • Bodunade

      June 20, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      I thought you were married..

    • Yeyeperry

      June 20, 2016 at 10:04 pm

      Do you want to marry her?

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 20, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      I just like the way Bodunade and *changing moniker* are giving themselves
      close marking on this blog. ??? This is no longer a djoking sturvs
      Ushay Pedwo, please convene Elders Forum so that their matter can reach mighty Ifa for resolution

    • Bodunade

      June 20, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      Football analyst.. Loool.

    • Luqman

      June 20, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      Ifa for resolution……Lol

  2. Paul Adeyemo

    June 20, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Ogi ati akara for BN voltrons. They will come out in their thousands like ants. Let the men bashing begins.

    • hian

      June 20, 2016 at 6:03 pm

      if you can’t argue logically with these evil feminists as you call them, just get out of here or face articles and concepts that are not beyond your bias and myopic mindset. Whining like a little b* is always a victory for these women, cause it’s always whiny and ill-accomplished men like you who oppose feminism without giving intelligent reasons beyond outdated culture and misinterpreted religion.

    • Nahum

      June 20, 2016 at 6:50 pm

      Gbam!!!

    • Na wah

      June 20, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      Wow you are actually validating Paul’s out of place comments. Na who vex you?

    • Mama

      June 21, 2016 at 1:59 am

      I think he just enjoys the reactions his comment elicit. Once you see it from that angle you won’t be bothered by what he says.

    • Strit Kredibility

      June 20, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      @Paul Adeyemo
      Plus mossa and okababa, plantain ati custard. I couldn’t stop laughing you are funny. What many people dont know is that BN have mastered the formula for incessant traffic to their site. They know the nutritional and mouth watering posts that would have people salivating and yearning to take a bite. They know what most people especially the womenfolk want to read and feel strongly about so they serve it hot, ongbona feli feli pipping hot and sit back to enjoy the unfolding drama. BN i doff my hat for una, you guys truly know your onions and ata rodo.

      In posts like this siddon look is my preferred mode like Bola Ige of blessed memory. Many visitors i suspect also CHOOSE (choose being the operative word here) to gba kamu and look like Lukmon as silence is golden morn. Most times the arguments here are like pitching flute against vuvuzela, ofcourse you know the one with the highest decibel. Nobody can win a mob in a shouting match. I don’t know of any debate that is/was won with bully tactics. aggression, spiteful and derogatory posture even militants who are avowed in their fight against perceived injustice and armed to the teeth are embracing moderate tone dialogue to price out some measure of victory. This latter day BN militancy, me i nor understand again o. Let me go and come back.

  3. Engoz

    June 20, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    ‘But, why would the groom for that matter think in his head that after paying that ridiculous sum, he actually ‘bought’ the wife and can do anything he wishes to her?’

    …..because when money is exchanged, they have every RIGTH to consider the female as property. Bride price is ingrained into traditional property laws. Wives were and still are considered as property. When there is monetary exchange, you become property of the owner just like goats, cattle, chairs, tables, spoons and pots. You could amass a lot of cattle, so also you could amass wives.

    You can read what I think about the institution of bride price below. And why it should be abolished.

    engozed.blogspot.com/2016/04/the-bride-price-system-and-womans-ego.html?m=1

    • Bola

      June 20, 2016 at 7:57 pm

      Gbam, Lets be real. Is it really so far fetched for someone to believe they own something they paid for? Doesn’t paying for something signify ownership ? The parents returning the bride price or not collecting it are being smart to avoid one son-in-law running his mouth one day about that money.

  4. Amanda

    June 20, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    Bride Price has never made any sense to me. I have always questioned the idea behind it from as young as 13. As far as I am concerned it’s modern day slavery. Why should there be a price tag on someone’s life when they are not a grocery good from Trader Joes or Walmart. I just don’t buy the idea. Never have never will.

  5. Kadara

    June 20, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    The idea of saying “we are not selling our daughter” came about because many men have alluded to such when marital troubles arise. when a man beats his wife the first thing he says is ” a woman i paid for” ! Can you then blame parents for not wanting to collect such and letting the man and his family know from the beginning that their daughter is not for sale? Many men these think paying bride price means he owns the woman. As modern women i think we should advocate for it to be scraped. I know many Yoruba families collect something negligible like N10 just as a symbol. Some other families collect and give back to the couple. Some don’t even collect and rather both families exchange gifts as a symbol and that’s enough. Bride price is one of those traditions that have been abused, that’s what many men first point to when we start talking about women’s rights. Yes it’s an excuse because a man who wants to treat his wife like crap will do so either way but why give them one more excuse? Especially because it serves no real purpose, most times it’s really about the greed of some extended family members that even had nothing to do with raising the child. The idea of putting monetary value on the worth of a woman has no place in today’s world. Traditions must evolve as we do

    • Engoz

      June 20, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      Bride price is one of those traditions that have been abused, that’s what many men first point to when we start talking about women’s rights. Yes it’s an excuse because a man who wants to treat his wife like crap will do so either way but why give them one more excuse?

      A bottle of champagne for you! Lol.

  6. emma nyra

    June 20, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    for me, I think this bride price crap should be scrapped. why the hell should the man and his family pay for a woman?? the two of them willingly come together to be one. why should one be paying the other’s family?? why do they even pay?? are u paying for the education she was given?? aren’t parents supposed to educate their kids?? what exactly are they paying for?? in Igbo, some men pay as much as #1 million. it is ridiculous. I, as a female, will feel very bad as if I am being sold out like a slave. And yes, it will diminish my worth. I am not a commodity that should be paid for. I am a human being.

    • nnenne

      June 20, 2016 at 11:54 pm

      @ Emma nyra, scrap it and the marriage should be 50/ 50.
      Notice that in the western world, where bride price is not paid, the woman does not leave her family for the man’s. Both the man and the woman leave their families.
      In my culture, everything, the couple own is in the man’ s ancestral home, which is why families without male child feel bad .
      so, yeah, if you are going to scrap the bride price, then both families should own the couple. The lady shouldn’t have to totally leave home.

      BTW, my hubby paid bride price but I can make that in a day. So neither him nor anyone in his family can say that to me. The guy bought a good ” market.”

  7. purplieciousbabe

    June 20, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    I am not against bride price….
    Never really understood it.

  8. ceejay

    June 20, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    I think the scrapping of bride price should be passed into bill. Lol! Men will stop seeing women as property acquired and will also discourage parents from asking for bride price.
    It causes unnecessary delay in marriage for both men and women

  9. Bodunade

    June 20, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    It’s not that deep.

    Culture evolves.
    if men are treating their wives as purchased goods its okay for parents to adapt and say our daughters are not items, treat them well.
    As you said, it’s symbolic.
    Those words are said to ‘protect’ their children.
    If you are not okay with it, tell your folks not to say it.
    No need to be upset that other people’s parents are exercising their freedom of expression.
    *man period alert* lol.

    • hian

      June 20, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      ‘No need to be upset’ that was shade, it was also low, and demeans everything else you have said. Much like when you said ‘man period alert’. Don’t be an asshole like Mr Egghead, agree or disagree with someone without resorting to low blows, especially sexist ones. It makes you look like an agbaya who can’t argue properly and relies on emotional battles and tricks. For real, I hate people like that and they’ve infiltrated this blog. Don’t be that guy (if you’re not already)

    • Bodunade

      June 20, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      Political correctness police.
      No need to be upset is a manner of speaking and not sexist or derogatory.
      Read your comment again and you are everything you accuse me of.

      No need to hate people because they don’t agree with you.
      Did Uche Pedro call you to complain about people infiltrating her blog? LMAO!!

      It’s not that deep Love.

    • Nahum

      June 20, 2016 at 6:54 pm

      I agreed with your first point but now you are becoming annoying. Stop attacking people’s comments and make your own. I believe I have said this to you before.

    • Mr. Egghead

      June 20, 2016 at 9:11 pm

      @hian.

      Why are you creeping, ma’am? I see you’re still smarting from the other time. This is an anonymous forum and it is just e-bants. No need to insult my moniker.

      God loves you

  10. @edDREAMZ

    June 20, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    African marriage for you…. But if i truelly love my partner even though i pay ten million naira as dowry i will never regard her as a commodity but rather a partner I CHOOSE O (no one choose for me) to love for the rest of my life….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  11. Err

    June 20, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    All the female gender activist,that stand firmly with the total feminist idea,should lead and tell their parents not to take bride price.

    • Anonymous

      June 20, 2016 at 6:11 pm

      …and they do! Not everyone is looking for money or palmwine. In some states it’s N50 or less so the man will know he doesn’t ‘own’ shit. What of these men that marry billionaire’s daughters and get houses, cars etc… no story for them? You’ve acknowledged an obvious gender inequality bro. A lot of MALE activists insists on the same for their daughters. Alot of these women were raised by their fathers to see themselves as strong individuals and not potential wifey for some man. So they can exercise their rights and leave abusive marriages because they have a strong father and a welcoming home.

    • Kadara

      June 20, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      @Err, clearly we’ve already been doing so which is why it’s becoming a norm for parents to either return the bride price or not collect it. This article is a testimony that many of us practice what we preach. The fact that this tradition is already evolving is a testimony to the fact that we are making inroads

    • Engoz

      June 20, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      I have and my dad is in full support. He was actually disappointed that I thought he would demand for bride price. This is an Igbo man well versed in Igbo traditions but with the understanding that Igbo culture is dynamic not static.

    • Nahum

      June 20, 2016 at 6:52 pm

      My father did the same thing so what is your point. Feminists have encouraged their fathers since! Where have you been

  12. Almina

    June 20, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Well……. Bride price is part of a culture. If you don’t want your partner to pay bride price, that’s your business. You guys can just do whatever you want like eloping or whatever. Some people like to pay bride price and some people like their bride price being paid. It’s their perogative. It shouldn’t be scrapped because a bunch of people hold whatever notion they hold towards bride price paying. While some see it as partriachy, others see it as a celebration of culture. Like I stated, you can elope with whoever, marry in court alone or whatever it is that doesn’t make you feel like a commodity, that’s your choice and your business. Allow those who don’t read partriachy into it the choice of doing what they like. A man who would treat you like crap would do so whether or not bride price is paid, A woman who would be a great wife would be so whether you pay her bride price or not.

  13. Zainab

    June 20, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    Paying bride price is not the reason men treat their wives badly. We need to teach our sons to be better husbands, leaders of their home, to treat women as queens… My husband paid my bride price, and treats me like a queen… My parents also informed him that I was none refundable so he better treat me well… ?… Lighten up guys it is not that serious, it is beautiful part of our culture,

  14. Sylvia

    June 20, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    My comment is for the commenters above. If you’re in a relationship with someone that thinks the meager price he pays as “bride price” gives him the right to treat you the way he wants, then I’m sorry for you. In my mum’s village, they see it the opposite way, that when you pay heavy bride price for a woman you’ll think twice before you treat her anyhow. The bride price tradition is not only practiced in Nigeria, but in many African and Asian countries (including the great China). Nigerians want to be seen as “modern”, even if it means doing away with our traditions. I’m all for the preservation of our traditions, as long as it doesn’t violate any human’s right. It took black Americans to start the wave of “natural hair”, now every Nigerian woman i see is keeping natural hair. I remember when they used to call women who didn’t want to relax their hair “mgbekes” and “SU”, now it’s the ” right” thing every Nigerian woman must do, or else will be tagged a “self hater”. They’re even selling expensive products for natural hair to you people, products made from ingredients that are in your grandmother’s farm! I remember when i used to braid my hair during my University days, one girl came to ask me if i was broke, that she could lend me money to fix weavon, now everybody’s doing box braids just like Beyonce and Solange, why won’t Hollywood think they invented it? It took the same black Americans like Beyonce for you people to see the beauty in “African prints”, Ankara is no more “cheap material”. Those black Americans you’re trying to emulate are going round and round looking for where they fit in. My point is, you people have refused to see the beauty in your customs and tradition, all in your bid to be a ” modern society”.

    • Ngozi

      June 20, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      @Slyvia, if your husband needs to pay bride price in order to value you then something is wrong. Money should not have any effect what so ever on how a man treats his wife so it’s just as ridiculous to believe that he will treat you better because of that as it is to believe he will treat you worse because of that. In most of the Countries you are talking about where bride price is paid there is also rampant discrimination towards women. Let’s not make this into another silly west versus Africa thing. No one is talking about bride price because some country pays it or not, Infact you are the only one who’s brought in that angle which suggests you have a chip on your shoulder. When we talk about modernization we are taking about the fact that we’ve evolved as Nigerians and this tradition serves no actual purpose today.Modernisation is not the same as trying to be west. Modernization here is referring to how we have evolved both as men and women in Nigeria. What does Beyone or Solage have to do with it? If bride price cannot make a man love you more or less then why pay it? Tell me what actual purpose bride price serves and leave out the other irrelevant things

    • Sylvia

      June 20, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      I never said my husband needs to pay bride price to value me, you should read my comment again. I said it is the belief in my mother’s village, meaning people view the issue of bride price differently. Your comprehension skills are pretty poor, I must say.

    • Engoz

      June 20, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      If bride price cannot make a man love you more or less then why pay it? Tell me what actual purpose bride price serves?

      Good question.

    • Fani

      June 20, 2016 at 7:21 pm

      Hmm if your husband has to pay a “heavy bride price” for him to think twice about how to treat you then i’am equally sorry for you. I hate how when we talk about a custom needing to evolve people try to make it about copying whites. The writer said that parents are retuning the bride price, is it that parents are doing that because of whites? clearly the parents are doing that because they’ve seen how men think they own their daughters because of some silly money. Parents are certainly not saying “we are not selling our daughter” because of some western idea but because they’ve seen that’s unfortunately what many men these days think.

      I think if its about the symbolism then take something like the N1 it used to be. Some greedy families have turned it into a money making scheme like they want to recoup part of their “investment” on their daughter. when you tell a man to go and bring 1million for bride price can you blame him thinking he’s buying something? what’s symbolic about asking a man to bring N1M to marry your daughter? that’s not tradition but greed. The problem is the tradition became abused and now the best thing is collect either N1 it used to be or return it.

    • Engoz

      June 20, 2016 at 7:48 pm

      There is no need to get sentimental. I’m just a champion of logic over any tradition or custom which I believe should be consistently open to dialogue. Logic dictates that he who pays for something has every right to consider that thing as property. Now what he chooses to do with you as property is up to him. If a husband comes to me with that logic, I will support him. Simple.

    • idomagirl

      June 22, 2016 at 2:45 am

      We’ve always rocked ankara prints – there was a resurgence of those modern prints with Vlisco, the “Proudly 9ja” campaign under Obasanjo and designers like LDS and Lisa Folawiwo who made and accessorised modern designs instead of the regular “skirt and blouse”.
      Giving the credit to Beyonce is ignorant.

  15. uduma deborah

    June 20, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    I think the bride price practice is very sexist. However, I will marry the person that gives me their Netflix Password (smiley face). Seriously, I need a Netflix Password.

    • lacey

      June 20, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      Bride price is very Biblical! You. Ladies should go educate yourself abeg!

    • miini

      June 20, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      Bride price is not biblical, it was just a cultural practice obtainable in those times and among the people that are the characters of bible history. Pls description is different from prescription. This is one of the fundamental principles of bibliology

  16. Nahum

    June 20, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    I am not sure what point the writer is trying to make but our father’s have been making these statements because MANY men have used bride price to abuse their wives. If you are married, then I am sure your husband has made comments such as this: “who paid your bride price? Me or you? Why should I wash my plate? Who married who?” It is a common statement made in most homes. That is why fathers are now reminding the men that their daughters are not for sale and if the lady is unhappy, she is free to come home.

    • nnenne

      June 21, 2016 at 3:18 am

      @ Nahum, my hasn’t and never will. Yes he paid a bride price but I took his name. I left my family for his. His ancestral home became mine.
      Keep in mind that my family raised me just as his did, from Pre- Kindergarten through university and gainful employment.
      Everything we owe, of course in his / our ancestral home benefits his extended family.
      Mine cannot travel miles away to gain.
      Why should he complain for paying that stipend that I could make in a day or two.

      As it is in Igbo culture, the brides family loose.
      You wonder why everyone wants a male child?
      In the western world, both the man and the woman leave their families. In our current culture Only the woman leave to join the man and his family. Even if you live in the city, by the end of the day, you go to his family/ ancestral home.

      Scrap bride price , re- arrange our style of marriage. Everything should be 50/ 50.
      Families with only female children should not go to. extinction Everyone cannot and must not have a male child. A girl child is as good as a male child.

  17. emma nyra

    June 20, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    bn, where my comment?? I go vex ooo

  18. Err @ mad ara

    June 20, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    I hope you are correct about the advocacy that makes bride prices returned,because I know a lot of feminist that still support the payments of bride prices,to them any man that pay their bride price,surely appreciates and will value them.Which is obviously not true.
    More needs to be done.

  19. Ginger

    June 20, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Aww a bunch of good points raised. If people are honest it probably dates back to the idea that women were property like cattle (such as in European Medieval Times- reminds me Chaucer’s The Merchant’s Tale). Many parents are realising that culture is dynamic and thus it’s not dangerous to do away with the harmful or less useful ones. It’s usually something symbolic or extremely small like a few bottles of good wine. (Hopefully) anti-feminists will stop using the bride price excuse pretty soon

  20. ogeAdiro

    June 20, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Nna ehn, this “modern” world is just confusing. As a child, one of the reasons I wanted riches was to be able to marry my future wife ‘well’. Fighting with the in-laws over bride price was supposed to be a normal part of the marriage proceedings. I don’t even know anymore.
    If we’re going to remove bride price, then men should also not be the ones expected to make the first move, pick up the tab, open the door, ask for her hand in marriage etc… Chei! Guy utopia! Dreaming is allowed…

  21. 7thGod

    June 20, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Engoz, an opinion is a sentiment. Telling someone that there’s ”no need to get sentimental,” is akin to instructing one to not have an opinion. It’s Cool that you have presented your own sentiments; we have read your own submission.

    Desist from forcing your opinion on me.

    • Engoz

      June 20, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Ermmm no. You can have a public discourse without getting sentimental. In fact, you lose arguments when you become sentimental.

      When participating in public discussions or debates, you apply critical thinking backed up with with facts and figures, that make you arrive at logical conclusions. These elements are devoid of sentiments, or some emotional ‘high’. Now what is an opinion? An opinion is not necessarily backed with fact or knowledge. I do not define my submissions as mere beer parlour sappy ‘opinions’ as you obviously do yours, because mine are well-thought out submissions backed with thorough evidence-based research. I deeply welcome the countering of my arguments on factual basis not sentimental basis. That is how intellectual societies grow. You pick my brain, I pick yours. It is not a fight.

      Now, If you don’t know how to counter arguments in public spaces, take it up with your alma-mater that refused to instill these qualities in you instead of disgracing yourself with half-baked, terrorist inklings. I am not the cause of anyone’s obvious insecurities.

      Thank you and God bless…lmao

  22. chibaz

    June 20, 2016 at 9:26 pm

    My dad didn’t collect bride price for me, told. My in law’s that somthing’s in this world are just priceless and you can’t put a price tag on it. He is the eldest in his clan now and wants it scrapped, and planning to do the same for my younger sisters when they get married too.

  23. Na wah

    June 20, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Wow you are actually validating Paul’s out of place comments. Na who vex you?

  24. Chi

    June 20, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Hmmm. Those of you verbally attacking people and attributing bride price to a different kind of slavery where a woman is regarded as the property of men,are you aware that indian women pay ”groom price” for men?
    I guess the Indian men now become the property of their wives.
    Like i tell people,you don’t force others to reason like you. If you are uncomfortable with brideprice because of whatever ‘modern’ reason you have,then don’t pay it and don’t encourage it to be payed for your sisters.
    This is culture,this is tradition that can’t be wished away just because you found new interpretations for it. There are things that are part of identity, bride price is one of them. So also is marriage introduction and celebrations, Omugwo and child naming ceremony.
    Do whatever you deem fit,live and let live but never force it down the throat of others. I wouldn’t kill my identity and good culture on some silly altar of modernization.

  25. Jalord

    June 21, 2016 at 2:28 am

    As men, it would be a step in the right direction if these practice are amended.

    Men are being ripped off in the name of bride price. Most men are given list of items to buy by the bride’s family even after paying pride price.

    I believe culture is like a Constitution and needs ammended at every given time. I’m proud of my heritage and culture though.

    Anywhere in the world, Men are called deadbeats or not man enough if they don’t earn enough to look after their families but you can never hear a woman being told she’s not woman enough or deadbeat.

    Let’s be sincere, Men are feeling the brunt in this part of the world.

    • idomagirl

      June 22, 2016 at 2:58 am

      Women are told they aren’t woman enough if they cannot have children or even in cases when they have no sons.
      If a woman’s husband cheats or her marriage ends, someone somewhere will say she wasn’t woman enough to “keep her home”.
      If her children misbehave, she is blamed.
      The day she is too tired to cook, clean or wipe the almighty husband’s butt she’s labelled “not woman enough”.

      The world judges a man based on his financial prowess, women are judged based on their attachment to a man (marriage), how active their womb is (fertility), how domesticated she is and even her sexuality. Let them hear that you’re sexually active and they’ll call you all the names in this world. Even those who have been raped are not spared.

      Look around you and tell me how only men are feeling the brunt of this world.
      When last did you see a widower whose head was shaved and him forced to drink the water used to wash his wife’s corpse to prove his innocence (labelled as culture of course).
      And this is just one example.

  26. memyselfandi

    June 21, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    Which religion supports bride price? Coz i do not see any instance of that support in the bible any bride price stories in the bible were as a result of the middle eastern culture and not a directive like say the ten commandments for example, the middle east/persia of which is the setting for a lot if not all of the bible stories especially the old testament.

  27. Me

    June 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Many relatives have abused this thing called bride price.My uncle collected mine and was boasting he will buy a new phone,I just looked at him in disgust,the thing is they are all out to make money off you and they dont give a hoot about how you were brought up or how you will live with your husband.They also delight in collecting other money to fill their pockets,I dont blame them.I will continue to work hard and become a profesor someday but let them come and ask me for money and I will be waiting to give them an appropriate response, which will be ‘shebi brideprice money has finished’.

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