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Aunty Bella: Miss. Unrequited Love

BellaNaija.com

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dreamstime ladyAunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

A BellaNaijarian left this Aunty Bella letter as a comment on a recent post.

Please encourage her and share any advice.

***

Please could you make this a post so that I could get the views of BN fam. Please don’t judge me about this post. There is a guy I really like and I don’t know how to get him off my mind so that I can move on for good. I think it’s a case of unrequited love. I felt a strong connection with him the first time we met but we didn’t exchange contacts. Later on, I got his number online and contacted him only because I felt the connection was mutual. He was at first sceptical about how I got the number but later relaxed and sounded as if he was happy I reached out. We became friends again but the problem is we are nothing more. We only chat once in a while and although he says I can call him anytime I am bored and feel like talking, I don’t because I felt it’s kind of awkward since he hasn’t even bothered to call not even once and I feel like I imposed the friendship on him.

Anyway, I know it doesn’t make sense but the problem is I can’t seem to get him off my mind. I am not getting any younger, almost 30 but I feel like he is my dream guy. But since he isn’t reciprocating I am trying to let it go and forget about him. I just don’t know how to. I know I am not bad to look at and I have had some guys I didn’t like going almost psycho on me in the name of crush/love. I sincerely felt a connection so I just don’t get why he wouldn’t reciprocate but there are many reasons – he could have a girlfriend already or even be married as he lives abroad.

I have grown tired of being single, settling for wrong relationships and I have almost given up on love and marriage because I hardly get toasters anymore. I am bored with my job and have been tempted to quit several times, but it is taking me places so i shouldn’t complain. I am pissed off at my married boss who has persistently harassed me sexually and manipulates me emotionally.  I am also pissed off that I didn’t have the courage to tell him off face-to-face and assert my stand instead I told him over messages and keep bearing his passive aggressiveness, and calling him a mentor for the sake of my job.

I don’t know what my passion is anymore. I just don’t have so much zest as when I was much younger. I try to volunteer in church and serve so that gives me some fulfilment. I am in a good place most times but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed with these issues and relapse into an unhappy state.

Please help!

Photo Credit: Dreamstime

47 Comments

  1. slice

    July 17, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    Just aak the guy out already. If hes interested, good for you. If hes not interested….as he likely isn’t, hearing him say no will likely shock u back to reality, unless you’re just they type that will never listen no matter what

    • lacey

      July 17, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      My dear even the. Man that asked for your number sef wants to hunt a woman! Please get busy with your life,if you don’t have a job,go and start something! The man that is even interested in you, if you pursue him too much he will become uninterested, talk more of the one that is not showing you any green light! My dear up your game and dress hot!I mean, look nice!Do your nails, your hair!Please there are guys out there o!Nor use your hand go find trouble o!

  2. Mama

    July 17, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    I think you have a lot going on. First of all. that guy is obviously not into. Maybe he has a girlfriend or maybe he is not just interested, either way please don’t force it; if he was interested he would have been the one making the move (not that there’s anything wrong in you trying). You gave it a try and he is not reciprocating, please move on! One thing I have nothing with most guys is that unlike us (women) they never come out to say “sorry I’m not just into you”, they just string along until the scales fall from your eyes. Please don’t be that girl.

    Also, you need the remove the thought from your head that age is not on your side, I think that is what is putting this needless pressure on you and making you feel dissatisfied with your life. When you feel that time is passing, you get desperate and might make rash decisions. Be patient, find joy and satisfaction in being single cos if you don’t it might not change even if you get married. There are many married lonely people too because they were hoping that someone else would help them find happiness; it doesn’t work that way.

    • Mama

      July 17, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      ***noticed

  3. AA

    July 17, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    Dear poster, 1st of all you did wrong by scouting for his number. U don’t chase a guy u allow him chase you if you want to be respected. He lives abroad and you are thinking of a relationship with someone who hardly calls you? Babe it’s time to move on. It’s no crime being single u just have to make the most of your single life, if you aren’t happy single you won’t be happy married either. Marriage isn’t going to fill this emptiness in you. Keep volunteering in church without using that as a yardstick for God to send a man your way. Trust God and he will show up for you. If you have enough money to travel out or even within the country then do so, do the things that make you happy, don’t just put your life on hold cos a man hasn’t showed up yet. Focus more on God than on the challenges you are going through!!

    • slice

      July 17, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      I see nothing wrong with scouting for the number. But if u ask him out n he says no, pls leave him alone

  4. AA

    July 17, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    U can also listen to some Christian messages on YouTube to build your faith, one person I listen to is Tiffany Buckner (anointed fire)
    God help us single ladies to meet our God ordained husbands with ease … Amen.

  5. Jibs

    July 17, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    I think you did nothing wrong by getting his number. I believe we should chase after things we want or else we get rubbish.

    Now, I don’t think he may be into you from the info you’ve dropped here, maybe he has a significant other or he just doesn’t dig you because I think you may have inadvertently slipped and shown your likeness for him.

    I’m surprised that you don’t know his status: married, dating or single. That shows he’s not telling you much. Anyway, my advise: Tell him how you feel. If he says no, you keep your head up and know your better half is on his way.

    PS
    30 is not old. Nothing old in marriage o. It’s about the right people marrying, not the right time. If two right people marry too early, it still won’t work so dear, stop being hard on yourself.

    PPS
    Try to ‘man’ up and tell your ‘mentor’ gently but firmly, to leave you alone and stick it where the sun don’t shine

  6. beauty

    July 17, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    I totally understand what you’re going through, as I have experienced it before. When you feel you have met your knight in shiny armour and you already have imaginations and dreams of you both being together and all that, when in reality you’re doing the chasing! No matter what anyone tells you here, you need to talk to yourself. Firstly, disentangle yoursekf emotionally from him, it may be hard but I know you can do it, I did it so can you. Secondly don’t call him ever, delete all forms of contact, while you WAIT for whenever he calls you. Thirdly look inwards and see all what you should be thankful to God for in your life, with that you will have self love and build up on your already blossoming self esteem. Lastly, talk SINCERELY to God in prayer, tell him that you like this boy but he isn’t showing you as much in return. Tell God to take control of the situation and give you the very best at the end of the day; God made you and he already knows the end of you from the beginning. Lots of love and hugs dear, don’t worry you will come out of this and tell it as a blast from the past*winks*

  7. Kelechi

    July 17, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    U seem very real and honest. The truth is, he might not be into you or u are coming off as being easy. This is what I don’t like about initiating a relationship. Why do we need to keep playing game of thrones, when he can easily keep it honest. There is a chance he feels the connection, but just pulling backwards because u are pulling forward. Just give him time, he might come around, but if he doesn’t just move on. It just pains me so much when guys do this to honest ladies like u, cos good guys like me get to be the one that will experience the after effect of their dribble. God will make you bigger.

  8. Tosin

    July 17, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    “he says I can call him anytime I am bored and feel like talking” – that is your opportunity to have a friend, confidante, etc. in case you want/need one. casual, anytime. It is lovely to have people you can talk to and all.

    meanwhile you’re free to do your biological clock hustle. :-/ he is probably not the one for that, so, you know, keep looking around. or ask him for a referral/recommendation. nna ehn, na wa for pressure.

    • Tosin

      July 17, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      sorry about your married boss situation. that’s one more reason you should have friends like this random guy. so you can strategize together on how best to solve the harassment issue you’re facing. (and you say you don’t have toasters loooool. sorry, kidding.)

    • Bodunade

      July 17, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      I say yelz

    • M (the réal one)

      July 18, 2016 at 2:46 am

      @Tosin…lollxxxl you are too much. Indeed she has at least one “toaster” 🙂 @other BN commentators, thanks for your kind and honest advices. @poster..thanks for sharing your story…stay blessed! Cheers to the BN team!!

    • Somtoo

      July 18, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Exactly What Tosin said. So i have been there. went to the dude’s party with another friend who wanted more and there was an instant connect but he couldnt do anything cos he assumed the dude i came with was my bobo. I asked the dude who took me for his birthday for his number and i was supplied.
      We started talking and i fell hard but alas, dude was younger and was far from ready to be in a serious relationship. He was a friend, a real friend but i failed to recognize that cos i wanted to wife him by all means . SO i cut him from my life.
      Fastforwrd 3 years later n he called me and i realised, hey, no man has treated me as well as this dude has and he has never even tried to sleep with me. So, i gave my self brain and made him my confidant. We are like bestfriends. When im lonely, i call him and just cuddle. He buys me things when he senses i need to be pampered. i help him gt rid of babes who wont leave him alone by going with him to parties and acting like babe.

      We are close friends who respect each other’s boundaries and he treats me like a queen. The same guy who i thought destroyed my self-confidence gave me a healthy dose of self-esteem. I dont take myself for granted or cast my pearls before swine and i do not regret making the first move,
      If i meet a guy who i like, i let him know i like him, and if he starts acting like an ass, the way i press delete ehn, so quick. Cos i know it takes a real man to appreciate a woman who bared her self and showed you she likes you. A boy will misuse that. So babe be careful and wise, ok?

      Dont let him give you the run around. If he doesnt meet you halfway, it means he isnt interested. Walk away with your held high ok? Goodluck.

      I dey work, no time to check for typos. Make una no vex. LOl

  9. Exotique

    July 17, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Is this Kelechi? Guess not. You sound different today. Lol. @Poster: Darling, I would say just forget him but since you are so sure there was some connection and you seem to be unable to forget about him, then have a chat with him. Tell him you felt you had a connection and you would like to explore the possibilities of a relationship. Don’t know how the conversation will go, but you will know where you stand at the end. Please don’t stay guessing. Get it over and done with.

  10. Cookie

    July 17, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    I laughed when i read your post,not that it’s funny,but it reminds me of myself..
    Let me start by saying there’s no shame in how you feel,and all you have said in your post isn’t peculiar to you alone. Maybe for some they have never been the hunter,but the hunted. But some of us once or twice we have chased,pursued a man when it should have been the other way round.. My advice is delete all his contacts from your phone,that’s the 1st step to get over someone you are into,but isn’t into you…The guy isn’t feeling you,and chances are he will never feel you,because he’s just not into you..At best he will take advantage of your desperation,use you financially and physically..
    It may take time,but trust me you will eventually get over him and your feelings for him…

    Be grateful for what you have babe,some people your age don’t even have jobs,some are just in 200level…Take a step back,pause and dig deep and focus on what you do have..Like some have said,if you can’t be happy as a single lady,my dear marriage won’t bring you the happiness you seek.. Being married isn’t a prerequisite to happiness..

    Find yourself again,do the things you love,go places you haven’t been,take yourself out,smile,its not that serious…Sebi na husband,sebi na to marry,my dear you will marry in God’s own time…It will happen for you,but don’t sell yourself short,don’t chase,don’t be desperate,let go and wait on God..Your own man,your one will seek you out..

    Easier said abi,but words of encouragement is all we can give you,it’s not easy,but you can do it…Just take it one day at a time.. You are beautiful and God’s most priced possession…Love yourself and you are enough girl.. All the best..

  11. Scentedsunday

    July 17, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    The reason you should stop chasing and initiating is because he is perfectly capable of chasing you! No time for excuses. Theres a guy I like (feelings are fading) and he’s happy that the attraction is mutual. He hardly reaches out and I only respond when he reaches out and I don’t initiate even though I like him. Yes, he is very good looking but I’m not going to lose sleep over him…because of what? @poster, please know that you’re a good catch and just move on.

  12. Michael

    July 17, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    Relax,just open up to him may be he is not into any relationship. But if he reply you in the affirmative,me I dey dey wait.

  13. Californiabawlar

    July 17, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    Okay…abeg finish your due diligence and find out if he’s seeing someone or married! Chai! You don’t even know how to toast fa? What’s the first thing a guy asks when he’s interested? Do you have a boyfriend abi? Ask him straight up and also do some of your own homework to confirm.
    Now once you’ve gotten that out of the way and he’s actually single you can now strategize.
    Wait! One more thing….are you hot? Or at least good looking? Have you stalked him online to see what his exes look like? Do you know if he’s into orobos or lepas? Physical attraction is a huge deal…you just might not be his loaf of bread….lol.
    If he’s single and you confirm you’re his type, then invite him to see a movie or something…do it just once o! If he’s still not feeling you after that then count your losses. Another ‘soulmate’ is right around the corner…no need getting stuck on this one.

    • Been there

      July 17, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Best comment.

      @poster, there’s nothing wrong with making the first move on a guy. The secret is to know when to tone it down and let him take over with the chasing. This is the point you will know if he is into you or not.
      Now read these words carefully; You need to ask him if he is single! Then, follow suit with Carliforniabawlers recommendations, if he is. It is highly likely that the odds will not be in your favour; he may be married sef. Put this at the back of your mind. You will have to ghost him if there’s nothing in it for you. As someone who has been there, I can assure you that you will cry and feel stupid and worthless in the next few days, afterwards. But I promise that you will grow from this experience. Most of us “gwegz”, are where we are because of ASSUMPTION and this kind of naivety.
      On not feeling passion for your job and life in general: Go on a solo trip to somewhere exotic. Only do the things that make you truly happy. Even the place you volunteer, if it is draining you and you’re not feeling it, take some time away from it.

    • Been there

      July 17, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      The title of this Dear Aunty Bella should be unrequited assumption.

    • "changing moniker"

      July 18, 2016 at 2:34 pm

      dead!!!

  14. Bodunade

    July 17, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    ????????

  15. Me too

    July 17, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    story of my life! I saw Unrequited love and had to read! My dear am a guy and I just found the courage to move on. Trust me I understand how you feel. But my dear you would survive! In my case I held on for too long because I was so sure this was the one. And I hope you don’t make that mistake. The lady in question never stated categorically that she was in a relationship. It was after noticing her strange behaviour…i had to confront her and she was like “what if i had a boyfriend”. By that time i had invested too much emotion. I thought i could hang around and Hope things change. But my dear even though our communcation improved and it was like i was getting closer to my goal..the writing on the wall was also becoming clearer that I was at the wrong place. Dont keep this guy as a friend…cause that friendship would get you confused! You would read too much meaning into ordinary things! Let it go! And believe me you can!
    The longer you hold onto to this, the more painful it would become and the harder to leave…because then you would feel you have invested too much! But the truth is what is not yours is not yours and can never be yours. Realising this would set you free. It took me 2years to learn this lesson.
    There is some one out there for you. But you are too focused on this one and as a result have become blind to other opportunities.
    Lastly if you fight too had to get this guy, by time you get him. You might have spent all your strength that you no longer have any left to love him.

  16. dmaimmm

    July 17, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    if you have gotten to this stage of believing you should be married…and have gone after him, relax he will come back if you are his type,, @poster, having a mental picture of your type of man is right but also not so right IMO, because i dont know if you will like to be a baby mama to the cutest guy in the world than getting married forever to an average guy, Perhaps ask BN to add your facebook page as your signature, dont feel awkward ,many men are looking for women to marry, some look for lighted skinned, not to lightskined, not fat, employed or have an income etc, again hope you are not looking down on the right guys you. Most importantly love you, it bring friends ,

  17. jane

    July 17, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Ppl sha, u are in love with a guy, u know next to nothing about. And there are others that would give an arm and leg for you.. hmm are u a learner? Plus he lives abroad, u are ready to get married, do u want a long distance relationship at this stage? Please concentrate on yourself, keep up with your service to God and humanity.. Pray about this, be open minded..the lucky guy might just be the guy next door. As for your boss, try to avoid him, also pray about this too ( speaking from experience) he wld leave you alone, when he stops seeing green light don’t be all Jolly with him, all d time.. just formal. Some mistake friendliness for interest.

  18. Kiiki

    July 17, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    “Believe it or not, some men avoid/ pull out of relationships when they start falling for a person. To them, it’s the safe thing to do, to get out before getting hurt and escape before they fall in love. They didn’t necessarily lie about some of the beautiful things they said, but they simply don’t know how to follow through and how to love and receive it”…

    I found this on the ‘gram…

    And @Poster, I know how you feel. We are same age and based on some of what you wrote, we’ve had similar experiences.
    Do email me on [email protected] if you need a female friend to talk to. I no dey Naija but I am always up to listen.

    • Naked

      July 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Kiiki let’s take this crush I have for you to a higher level or what say you?

  19. its_urgirlie

    July 17, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    Hehehehe…love the comments. pls keep them coming people.
    @kiki can I email you too??? lolzzz

    • Kiiki

      July 17, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      Lol. Sure.

  20. Indulging Heart Matters

    July 17, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all other things shall be added unto thee. I believe you need to work on yourself first rather than looking for a relationship. By working on yourself, I mean find what makes you happy and what makes you tick. Discover what you love and what matters, free yourself of all this burden you are carrying and let God. God has a way of doing tremendous things when you are not looking. Don’t think marriage, marriage will not bring happiness if you are not happy within. Please forget this guy, the right guy will come when you are happy and not even looking. You need to start living your life, go figure your career, learn new stuff, travel, laugh harder, find your passion. Gradually but eventually everything will fall into place. If this makes you feel better – 40 is the new 30, so you’ve got time.

  21. Xxx

    July 17, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    1) Do not ask him out. You have found out something when you got his no or mail and he isn’t “reciprocating” that he just isn’t into you. you have to have some dignity and self respect to hold on to when this goes down. And it might.
    2) do not text him for a week. Start a conversation with someone else for that week or reply that guy who is going bongas for you. And keep your mind there.
    4) 30 isn’t a sin. Truthfully. You can get pregnant at 30, have beautiful kids at 30, see the world, be accomplished and be married. 30 and accomplished is as beautiful as 20 and married.
    5) he may come home(naija) one day and stop to pick you up after a long time just to tell you in his car he is getting married. Looooooool. That may be the only conversation he will initiate in both your life time. Lwkmd.
    6) he is an eye candy, lives abroad, has some values. Yimu. There are plenty of guys with those as well. Ehn those qualities are proportionately distributed in the universe. He isn’t a unique specie from Jupiter. So if you just turn to the left a bit you would see another eye candy, lives abroad and has some values. Or you may see an eye candy, lives here and has good values too. But you have to allow yourself turn a bit to see it.

    And take time off. Start a pottery class,take computer lessons for 3 months, learn weaving, learn how to play guitar, take up hysys, autocad, what have you. Being engrossed in this skill will take your heart off the search a bit. And dissipate some desperation. That way we wouldn’t be searching for someone’s number who clearly doesn’t want us. And we would be more clear headed to see a good bro when he says hey and this one is clearly the one asking for your number and really being into you.

  22. Larz

    July 17, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    First of all, in my experience a guy does not like you. A girl goes through whoknowswhat to find your number and calls you, surely you must know she has an agenda unless you both have mutual business interest which it sounds like you dont.

    You can call me anytime if you arr bored doesnt sound like signal that he wants something deeper with you. For your own peace of mind, feel free to tell him you fancy him and wont mind getting to know him. I am not sure you will get the answer you want but at least you can figure out where you stand and move on.

    PS: look out for easy let downs that sounds like a maybe but isnt one or you might spend months/ years in that zone when you can be meeting more eligible men.

    Other guys that likes you. For every guy that approaches you that you dont fancy, I suggest you be friends with them becuz they just might surprise you. I am not advocating stringing them along but being friends with them will give you access to who they really are which can be a turn on too.

    About boss that is harrassing you. Pls find out what your company is like with regards to sexual harassment etc. How many ppl have been cautioned in the past etc and decide whether to report / escalate it further. In the meantime, you need to start looking for ways to seek internal transfer / find a new job before you are forced too. Unfortunately, the law in Nigeria is soft on harasssments

    Finally, you gotta love yourself. From everything I have read here, you dont seem ready for marriage. You just seem too discontent about your life in general and marriage will only complicate that. Seek and find that inner peace and learn to be content where you are regardless of where others around you are. It is not a competition! Remind yourself each day that you life is going exactly as God has planned for you and in time, you move to next phase in your life. Change what you can, work around those you cant.

    Wishing you all the best

  23. oniks

    July 17, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    your crush is strong oooo…..i have a crush tooo ,though i notice he stares at me since the first time i spoke to him,my freinds notice too,but he has never come forward to talk to me,the highest i did was follow him on the social media,thats all…..i will stalk for a while,liked few pictures,and if he never comes forward,that will be the end ooo………i cant stress,poster what will be will be ooo.dont rush

  24. Oprah

    July 17, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Biko lets call a spade a spade. This guy has ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN YOU. Infact, he has less than no interest in you.

    MOVE ON. Don’t throw your pearls at pigs. You sent off major desperate vibes to him by putting so much effort into tracking him down and yet, nothing. It’s stuff like this that makes girls feel worthless and induces low self esteem. You were created to be sought after and found!

    “He says I can call him anytime I am bored and feel like talking”? That’s your cue sweetheart.

    Look, even if this was a woman, who you were trying to be casual friends with, and she never bothered to reach out to you and you were always the one trying to initiate contact, that would be a WEAK, condescending position to be in because homegirl does not want to be your friend………..let alone a man you want something romantic from.

    As many have said, FOCUS on yourself. A woman who has a rich and fulfilling life will be attractive to enough quality men to choose from. Women who treat themselves like queens and have high standards by ensuring that the people in their lives are have proven their worth will always have quality relationships (both romantic and casual). You need to be more selective mentally and ensure that people earn the right to your friendships and relationships.

    In general, with regards to most things in life, don’t chase, ATTRACT…. how? By putting in effort into being the very best version of yourself and maintaining high standards in every area of your life. Every other relevant thing will find you and value you.

  25. Ethio

    July 17, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    i need help too I’m hardly moved when it comes to issues like this, i find love stories pathetic and i see love and relationships as some sort of weakness and irrelevancies.. i hope I’m not mental or having some kinda disorder lol

  26. Joke

    July 17, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    If the guy was in Naija, I fit understand. When guys get abroad it’s a whole fish out of water syndrome, green card or british stay tingz, life gets really complicated and people entangle themselves in all kinds of webs. Leave him alone ASAP. The heart of a woman is emotional, so what you are going through is understandable, but be strong and focused. Destroy all means of contact with him immediately. Let him find you. If he wants to, he will.

  27. Harmony

    July 17, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Please Advice: please fellow guys i want to seeks for your advise because am a bit confuse and please NO ABUSE WORD thanks.
    There is this girl in my life though she is my secondary school mate, so then when we were in school i dont use to like her because she use to feel and act too big for everybody. now after so many years everybody had graduated she now search for my number on social media and i welcome her because i know that old things have passed away.
    Actually Before she contacted me then she already got admission to high institution and graduated and served (NYSC) and me due to life challenges i just got admission Newly to high institution and am seriously in love with her
    Now my question is: WILL THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP LAST? IF SO THEN CAN SHE BE TRUSTED AFTER HER YEARS OF UNIVERSITY? Thanks for good advise.

    • Ajala & Foodie

      July 18, 2016 at 7:42 pm

      First, when you were a child, you acted like a child and teenage years are something else. We are all growing so I am pretty certain the girl you knew in high school would most likely not be the same lady she is today. What worries me is actually your inability to see that or deduce that for yourself. I mean are you the same person you were while in high school? So why would you be stuck on what someone did at 12-15 years old as opposed to learning about who they are now. As for the different levels you are in life, she is the only that can answer that question (see the article on deal breakers), deal breakers are mainly about personal quirks, I think it is important to point out that, that a lady is asking for your number does not mean she is sexually interested in you. I reach out to old classmates but I just want to reconnect and seeking ways to grow my network.

  28. Mo

    July 18, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    Cry! Let yourself feel the hurt. Then wipe your tears and do what everybody has said above. Most importantly pray to God, he heals the brokenhearted. It will take time, but you will look back and laugh at this period. It is a tough phase, which shall pass and toughen you.

  29. Chioma

    July 20, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    I just had to read when I saw unrequited love.
    I know the feeling, been there in 2013/14,barely healed, just got myself into another this past month.

    Take it from a serial unrequited lover girl, delete everything. BBM first. Then contacts. It helps.
    It also hurts. I don’t know if mine is sent or something, they decide to go with the flow, and then,out of the blues, I’m left holding the bag.
    The 2014 own still brings tears to my eyes, even right now.
    I buckled up this month and didn’t bother myself when it happened again. BBM, Phone numbers, WhatsApp chats, Pictures, Email address, Linkedin, all deleted.
    I got a 10 second call on my birthday, some days ago. I shrugged it off and went to a really nice church in Lekki that evening and prayed/cried.

    You have a job, at least there’s something to occupy you.
    Some others don’t. We still have to battle rejection mails from companies, while holding it together for friends and family around.

    Please be grateful, smile often.
    It can only get better.

  30. anita

    July 21, 2016 at 11:46 am

    just ask d guy out already…its better you did than regret later you didn’t .And if he doesn’t ..all well and good…..that alone starts to bring a form of disconnect between you 2….Just do it

  31. East Prince

    November 21, 2016 at 3:29 am

    what ain’t yours ain’t yours.
    wen your man shows up u wouldn’t need a calculator n all this formations. Dont call that broe Abroad! don’t ask him out. Aren’t u worth been called n asked out? I mean c’mon he’s doing it n had done it at other ladies! so now u don’t deserve that? u wanna cry n beg n grovel over a broe??? #Dont Play Yourself

  32. Ebii

    May 11, 2017 at 9:57 am

    lovely post.

  33. Ebi.

    May 11, 2017 at 10:06 am

    I am so unsure of what to do with my emotions. i m depressed, broke, abandoned by husband.[separated] i just got a job, thinking of how to provide for myself and the kids. I am a emotional wreak, saddled with a lot of debt, but i am taking each day at a time. sometime i wish i can confide in someone. thinking of so much at the same time Thank God i am not suicidal any more. But i am learning to smile more, write in my journal, love myself and my kids.. And understand that i cant do it all myself. I know there is someone out there to help me and also someone i can confide in sometimes. Thanks

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