I like people…always have always will. I am fascinated about people and their stories and why they are the way they are. I like to make friends…and if you are like me, making friends isn’t so difficult. There have been a good number of years where my only new year’s resolution was to make at least one friend. I liked the idea of having friends, but like most people, I failed to realize that the quantity was irrelevant if there was lack in the quality…the genuineness of friendship. Lately, I have been having a shift in my thinking…about friendship, what is it anyway? (I’ve been asking myself), and how do you tell your friends actually cares about you…and that they are even worth your time and energy? I guess the saying: time will tell is true. When life throws a ball at you, when trails and difficulty comes…it will definitely tell you, who your true friends are. Sometimes, it is necessary to sit down and take a long inventory through your list of friends and determine for yourself where to generate your loyalty and energy right?…I think it’s necessary.
So I sat down and determined for myself who is a true friend…but first, pause…remember this young people, you can not request for what you are not willing to give yourself (because it just isn’t fair)….whatever you pour into a friendship is what you will (should) get back. This is why I said…you determine for yourself who is a true friend; considering and having in mind what you have been giving as a true friend yourself. You can’t expect a mango tree to grown papaya…can you?… (now that we are being fair…let’s carry on) 🙂
I decided that a true friend is…loyal; will correct me when I am at fault without putting me down or in disrespect. A true friend genuinely cares about my well being…and doesn’t rejoice over my short comings. A true friend supports and believes in me, and of course inspires and challenges me for the better. A true friend serves me and I serve them. (Yes! A friendship is supposed to serve you; uplift something positive in you).
I encourage you young people,… if the friendship isn’t serving you in the ways you believe are important, the ways that you believe you are serving it…then must it continue?…I would say no…what would you say?
The truth is, we have all gotten into the wrong friendships. I know I have made friends for the wrongest (is that even a word…wrongest?..oh well, now it is…haha) reasons. But is never too late to learn, get out of it, and grow.
So the question still remains, how can you tell you are in a good, healthy friendship?…Who is a good friend?…How can you tell?
Well first things first…
Do you have the same values as your friends? Having the same values with the people you call friends doesn’t drain you…it actually rejuvenate you because at the end of the day you are sharing ideas and having conversations that will bring you both to your higher selves. Having same values allows respect in the friendship, but more so growth and less time wasting trying to win the other person over. The way you find out if the other person holds the same values as you is by simply asking them questions. Ask people questions when you meet them…who are they?
Do you hold any commonality with this person you call a friend? This is the initial stage to inviting someone into your world as a friend. Don’t force people who are not suppose to be in your life into your life. It is simply a matter of attracting yourself, and others you can be inspired by…if they are not like you (meaning if you don’t share the same values), you will get drained in that friendship…but you decide for yourself if that’s worth it.
Now this is where all your energy, efforts and resources can get sucked out of you, if you are in the wrong friendship. Are you always the one giving in the friendship? Hmm…I will watch out if I were you. Pay attention here…and you will know people’s intent for wanting to be friends with you. Some friends only come to take and then leave when all is taken. These are the friends who all of a sudden disappear when times are hard, when you are going through life’s challenges, but are always present for the party. I called them vampires….not worth it, get rid of them! fast!. Sometimes these king of “friends” don’t come in a way of taken and not returning…they can come in the form of demanding, not appreciative, always wanting your time but never given you their time…I know you know these “friends” I am talking about. Please get rid of them to keep your mental sanity…ain’t nobody got time for that! Remember that great friendships are always reciprocal…it should flow like a stream of water. Is all about the law of exchange…if it ain’t that…take another route.
Yes yes yes….we are in 2016; we are all SUPER busy ain’t we? But don’t get fooled young people…yes we are busy but there is ALWAYS time for what and whom one consider a priority. Man! I have been so guilty of this…always making excuses for people; that they are busy, I know they will check on me when they are free….and I’m still waiting for them to check up on me as I write this. Not worth it! Get rid of them!…do it now!. Anyone will make an effort for someone who they feel is deserving of their time…don’t get it complicated, its as easy as that. If you are in the business of not wasting time and energy…rid yourself of these kinds of friendships that don’t serve you. Unfortunately, some people will only recognize your value after you have removed yourself from them. Don’t waste your resources where it is not appreciated…especially if you are in the business of becoming your highest self.
You gotta pay attention to how you feel when you are with certain people…feel the vibe, feel the energy. This will tell you if you should be friends or not. Do you always feel the need to be something you are not…do you feel respected, do you feel belittled…whatever the case, pay attention to your feelings when among the people you call friends and advice yourself moving forward. Is the friendship in favor of what you believe in….what do I mean here?…if you really hate to gossip, talk about certain things that doesn’t serve what you believe in, but this friendship always opens the platform for this kind of things…then you need to get out of it if it makes you uncomfortable. Do you feel like yourself when you hang with the people you call friends, or are you always justifying who you are?. Listen to your intuition…that small voice that tells you this isn’t it…please listen to it if you are in the business of becoming your highest self.
So there you have it young people. I know you are intelligent to know what’s good for you and you love yourself enough to let go of what isn’t serving you or better yet…what isn’t helping you to become your highest, authentic self. You know what they say…show me your friend(s) and I will show you your character. This makes us accountable and responsible to ensure that we are in friendships that are reflective of whom we are, what we believe in, and of course…friendships that elevate us. Your friends should be and is a reflection of yourself…(think of it this way).
When a stranger pulls all your friend(s) aside without you there, that stranger has just made a pretty good judgment without prejudice of who you are…think about that for a moment and ask yourself, if that will assume anything untrue about your character.
Dear young people, love and respect yourself enough to let go of friendships that doesn’t serve you. And I want you to do this with no hard feelings…it doesn’t mean those people are terrible, it just means you are in the business of elevating yourself…becoming your highest self.
Being true to yourself comes with letting go and letting in…don’t hold on to the quantity…you will attract the right people in your life when you let go of the people who are not serving you. Remember this…the right friends, even if just one will help you elevate to the level where even 10 friends can’t. But above all…enjoy your true friendships, appreciate them…have fun!…on the journey of becoming your highest self. 🙂
Photo Credit:Hongqi Zhang (aka Michael Zhang) | Dreamstime.com