Let’s just dive in here, people; what could turn you off from an intended spouse during the dating process?
We all date with a purpose; for some it is just for companionship, and for others it is to find the ideal partner to spend the rest of their lives with. Some people just even want a steady person to hit the sheets with, no strings attached. The common thing here, regardless of the purpose, is that we all do the dating thing. This might be another over flogged topic so let me apologise in advance, and ask that you indulge me and those reading for the first time.
There are a million and one things that irk people or just make you know ‘naaaa, she/he ain’t the one”. It could be a major thing and in some cases very little things. I am one of those who doesn’t pay attention to big things; like the value of a gift I’ve been given, but I will notice how your mouth moves while eating.
About 5 years ago, a pastor friend of mine started showing more than usual interest in me and had talked about possibly dating. Now, he used to live in the same State as me, and during that time I never saw him as more than a True Religion wearing hip Pastor (fine boy Pastor things), therefore, I did not pay attention to other non spiri-koko behaviour. Then he moved to another State and started talking “I had been eyeing you from a distance” talk. Anyway, he wanted to come visit me, spend the weekend hanging out and getting to know each other.
On the said day he was to arrive, we were to go to dinner after he had settled in at his hotel. Unfortunately there were multiple delays of his flight and would not arrive until much later at night when most restaurants would be closed. I then decided to buy food from an African restaurant for both of us before they closed, and bring it to his hotel when he landed instead. I didn’t know what he liked, so I decided to buy 3 different plates of food – Jollof Rice, Yam Porridge, Poundo Yam and Efo Riro. Each plate came with 3 pieces of assorted meat/fish/chicken. I figured he could not eat 3 plates of food now, and since I didn’t have a particular preference I would just let him make his choice and I would settle for the last plate standing.
I arrived at his hotel just as he arrived as well. After all the small talk and greetings, he noticed me tugging the plates of food and he beamed in delight. He said “mehnn I’m so happy you did this, how thoughtful of you, I’m so hungry…etc.”
He proceeded to spread out all 3 plates in front of him; I sat on the chair there and was like oh I wasn’t sure what you liked but one of those is for me sha. He said “oh ok, this is all so good I can’t even decide”. Then he dipped one hand into one plate to grab a piece of meat, and he continued like that until he was done with 6 pieces of meat/chicken and the plate of Poundo Yam and Jollof. I sat there staring at him like a deer facing a head light. He was talking the whole time.
At this point, there was stew on every corner of his mouth/beard/moustache, and I was struggling to keep a straight face. Then, he belched loudly and then dipped his hand into the yam porridge to grab some fish!
That’s it, I was done! Arghhhhhh, I couldn’t stand the scene anymore. I was so nauseated I was sure I would throw up. I grabbed my sling bag and told him I’ll be right back, I need to get something from my car. He nodded his head and did not even lift his head up.
I got to my car and drove straight home. I never saw him after that, and even though we spoke on the phone a few times after that I never told him what turned me off. I just gently gave him the “I want to go and climb Mount Kilimanjaro first so I am not ready for a relationship” speech.
Even till now, when I remember the stew/oil/mouth and the obvious gluttony behavior I get nauseated. I can’t deal abeg….I can’t.
Table manners is a deal breaker for me. I’m not asking for Stepford wives/husband kind of table manners but abeg use some napkins. If you must talk while eating (which we all do), please make sure most of the content in your mouth is gone before talking. In addition, if the food is not meant for just you, please be considerate.
So what’s a dating deal breaker for you, or what has an intended done that turned you off completely?
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