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Bisola of Stylvo: 5 Ways to Avoid BellaNaija Weddings Envy

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dreamstime_m_28530954Ladies, we’ve all been there; at least I admit I have, you find yourself on BellaNaija Weddings scrolling through the highlights of some senator’s daughter’s wedding or some celebrity wedding for what you thought was 15 minutes, but in actuality, it was an hour. You sit and scroll, sit and scroll. Gliding the mouse over one hyperlink to another,  jumping from one wedding gallery to the next wishing you were the bride that was the center of attention for this grand over-the-top affair.

However, the bride is not you, and the modest Tunde that proposed to you (or that you want to propose) refuses to use his yearly salary on a wedding.  So, what do you do? Wish that you were marrying a wealthy guy? Wish that you came from a wealthy family? Wish that you were someone else than your fabulous self? Don’t let envy rob you of who you are and where you are going. Here are some helpful tips to staying focused on your relationship and preventing envy.

Appreciate the Level You’re on Right Now
You may not be marrying a wealthy man or come from a wealthy home, but that doesn’t mean God hasn’t blessed you with good things. Appreciate where you are in life, right now, with the excitement of knowing your dreams can take you further in the future. Did you earn two masters before you turned 26? Did you buy a house before you were 28? Have you accumulated so many points on your frequent flier miles from your travel excursions that you basically travel for free now? There are so many achievements that you have accomplished. Don’t downgrade your achievements, because you haven’t gotten a particular car, man, job, lifestyle, yet.

Instead of being envious, write down your life goals. Create an action plan to achieve it and get to work. Be diligent and soon others will admire and be inspired by you. You may not have the biggest wedding, but you can throw an awesome 10 year anniversary party. Put your life into perspective and worked towards building a marriage you always wanted.

Not All That Glitters is Gold
Working in the wedding industry has taught me a lot about the realities of weddings and marriage. Just because you THOUGHT that person is in the best relationship, because her husband bought her a Mercedes as a wedding gift, doesn’t mean she really is. Don’t confuse someone’s material wealth for emotional stability. Every marriage has its ups and downs. No marriage is exempt from the trials of life. Becoming one with someone who grew up with two different parents, in a different environment, with a different personality is no easy feat. It takes grace and hard work to be in a successful relationship, let alone marriage. Face your own issues, together. Don’t let the appearance of bliss interfere with the actual joys of the relationship you are building together.

Don’t Envy Those Who Beg, Borrow or Steal
Let me be graciously honest, not everyone that has an elaborate wedding is financially stable to do so. I’ve seen people take out loans to fund their weddings. Is it THAT serious? Abeg. Some even charge their aso ebi at exorbitant prices, just to compensate for how much they’re spending. Do you really want to use family and friends as your reluctant financial investors, just because they want to support your beautiful union? Let’s be frank, that senator’s daughter’s wedding you admire, where did they REALLY get the money? From Daddy’s political salary? Your wedding is only one day. I repeat, your wedding is ONLY one day. Your marriage, however, is for a lifetime. Make wise financial decisions that will assist in a blissful marriage, not cause turmoil.

Focus on Creating an Authentic Wedding
You shouldn’t be envious of another’s wedding, because every wedding is uniquely tailored. At least it should be. You aren’t doing yourself or your fiance justice, by trying to imitate another person’s authentic wedding. An imitator can never be better than an originator. So, create details, elements and moments that are authentic and unique to the two of you. Do you bond over a favorite movie, scripture, or book? Insert quotes, verses and lines into your wedding program or favors. Does your man have a favorite sports team? Let that be the inspiration for his grooms cake. Do you have a favorite song? Let that be the spotlight of your couples dance. You don’t need to have crystals and blush pink to have a beautiful wedding. If you love to hike and just became a vegan, have a beautiful organic inspired decor design that incorporates more greenery than flowers. It will look just, as beautiful as, your Swarovski crystal loving friend’s wedding.

Remember, Guests Have Short-Term Memories
You have spent money, time and energy trying to outshine, so and so’s wedding. You may remember the details of her wedding, but others probably don’t. Think back to a wedding you attending 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 2 years ago. Do you remember the type of flowers they had? Or even how the decor was styled? No. Your guests probably won’t remember either after a while. In the grand scheme of things, how much money, time and effort you put into your wedding will probably only be remembered by the two of you. Becoming stressed about how elaborate your wedding needs to be when others will not remember that elaborateness may not be so wise. There is no need for you or your guests to be envious of a wedding they will likely forget about in due time.

All in all, continue to be your fabulous self. Don’t compare your wedding to others when only you can create your beautiful and authentic wedding celebration.

I’m curious, have you dealt with BellaNaija wedding envy?

***
Bisola is a content creator, event & graphic designer and marketing manager. One of her passion projects is, Gidi & Pearls, a Nigerian-American’s guide to living a beautiful, culturally-inspired life. When she’s not blogging, styling intimate soirees, creating on her Mac or guiding the marketing team at BCG Events, you can find her reading the Bible, daydreaming on Pinterest or binge watching her favorite Youtube influencers while sipping on a cup of green tea. Follow her at @GidiandPearls everything (Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat).

Photo Credit: Deborah Kolb | Dreamstime.com

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56 Comments

  1. AHausaChickInToronto

    August 1, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    I think it is an abnormal thing to be jealous about someone’s wedding (super religious people might term this person possessed)…. Seriously not everything that glitters is gold, every single human being has his/her own problems, you may not have money but they also might not have real love. I really think envying people on bellanaija is abnormal and please if you find yourself envying people’s wedding pray to God to deliver you, pray for your own (if you’re still single) and have faith that God would bless you with yours.

    Always remember, that problem you think you have, might be What someone is wishing to at least have.

    #Gratitude

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      As abnormal as it is, it still happens & its not something that is said outright. Many want nice things and when it can’t happen that’s when these feelings begin to kick in. Which is why this article nicely lays out methods to handle it. Thank you for taking out time to read this!

    • Damilola

      August 2, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      Some people like grand extravagant wedding. Some small classy wedding. If it’s clean money why not. The bella naija wedding is for aesthetic purpose for me. Never once did I envy any of them bcos I will go with what i still like, unique to me whether I’m rich or not.

  2. Ethio

    August 1, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    orodes dad spent some of the billions he stole on her picture perfect wedding yet it went South, who bellanaija wedding don epp? I’ve dealt with envy but totally not for weddings

    • jeez

      August 2, 2016 at 9:50 am

      There are people who have a simple registry wedding and spend close to nothing on their weddings whose marriages still crash and burn so whether expensive or cheap wedding the most important thing is to marry the right person.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:47 pm

      Bingo! I think that is a GREAT point to make. Of course its easy to point fingers and attribute a crashed marriage to the extravagance of it all, but it really boils down to if you & your partners are willing to work through it. Marriage is not all rosy days but requires the effort of TWO individuals. Thank you for pointing this out & reading our article.

    • Ellena

      August 2, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Don’t mind them. Did Toke spend billions on her wedding? Did the marriage last?

      I’m all for a private wedding but that does not in any way guarantee a lasting union… go for what you like and can afford, but do not for one day asume that your budget wedding will pave way for “till death do us part” marriage.

    • A

      August 2, 2016 at 10:18 am

      And people who spent 20k Naira on their wedding still divorce. Do you know how many mechanic and low income divorces are in Ibeju Lekki Family court? Please, the divorce rate is HIGH because women don’t die untop marriage again. Bringing up rich people’s divorce sounds like subtle bad belle to me. Do you know how your own marriage will end up? *rolls eyes*

    • ebuka

      August 2, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      I’m never getting married *tongue out*

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:46 am

      Whether you spend a lot or you don’t the most important thing is to work on your marriage. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it’s also hard work. Those that make the sacrifices and die to themselves while demonstrating unconditional love like Christ can find it the most rewarding in my opinion.

    • Salmon

      August 2, 2016 at 10:20 am

      *ps Orode is a victim of domestic violence and your comment rubs me all the wrong ways. People are actually discouraged from leaving bad marriages so they won’t use them as examples the way you just used Orode. You’ll say you don’t undersand but you wouldn’t want it to be you sha

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:43 pm

      The splitting of a marriage is unfortunate & usually never a joyful moment. Let’s pray that the two individuals Orode Uduaghan & Ryan Okpu are in a better state now and can atleast take lessons learned from that experience.

  3. Hordunayor

    August 2, 2016 at 1:34 am

    Nice write up Bisola, So many girls have ended relationships, simply because the guy cant afford a BN type of Proposal, weddings or honeymoon! Adekunle Gold has said it….. Bella Naija eh Calm down….. You dey make us jealous(Loool) even though, BN is in business to entertain as well as make money, its only left for the girls and some guys to CALM DOWN!!!!

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 2:06 pm

      “Bella Naija calm down!”I’m laughing in my chair reading this. Thank Hordunayor reading our article and commenting. We appreciate it!

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:41 am

      Thanks Hordunayor. I appreciate you reading the article. Lol @ calm down!

  4. Bisi A.

    August 2, 2016 at 3:35 am

    Very True and well said Bisola. Glad someone else notices the spirit of “wedding envy.” In this age of grand publicity it’s so easy to get caught up in the hype and forget whats most important in the long run. We need to learn to appreciate something for what it is and not idolize it.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 2:04 pm

      I think most at some point in their life have a ‘grass is greener’ moment. Its great that its being highlighted and addressed. Thank You Bisi for reading that article and adding your coments

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:44 am

      Wow, “idolize.” I agree. Some people idolize others thinking they are doing better or have better not knowing the blessing they have in their own lives.

  5. A

    August 2, 2016 at 7:42 am

    I don’t see the point of focusing on the not all that glitters is gold or their relationship may not be all that part. Sometimes, they HAVE that money and the love is real. Face it, and get over it. Let’s be grateful for what we have, and not care about what others have. You’re not an Indimi or Abacha or Shell CEO’s daughter , but you’re someone, and you have love, and that’s enough
    The materialism in Naija is TOO much. It’s almost nauseating.

    • mkm

      August 2, 2016 at 8:46 am

      My sentiment! They may actually have it all but that doesn’t make you inferior to them. Just be content with what you have or work harder to attain greater heights. No need to envy anyone.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      This is ALSO true! All that REALLY matters that day is the union of of love between two individuals amongst the people they love and God. Everything else.. from the bouquet floral arrangements to the shade of lavender of the table linens becomes secondary.

  6. its_urgirlie

    August 2, 2016 at 8:41 am

    Beautiful wright up. The comments are reasonable too…@A honestly the materialism in Nigeria is TOO TOO much. Everybody wants to belong to that top class in everything they do mostly weddings. but to be sincere it’s very easy to get carried away if we don’t control our selves…

    • Anonymous

      August 2, 2016 at 9:49 am

      Is this how you spell “write”?!

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      We all come up with some spelling mishaps at times! Thanks for taking the time out to read the article.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Yes! As much as we love seeing all the extravagance of it all, we must learn to appreciate it from afar. Everyone has different budgets and expectations, so it’s silly to compare. Thank you for reading our article

  7. its_urgirlie

    August 2, 2016 at 8:44 am

    And I do it again…go girl. You said it all. Hahahaha

  8. Yeyeperry

    August 2, 2016 at 9:31 am

    They are only six pictures of my parents wedding (taken by an uncle) in our house. Apparently Dad borrowed money and over spent on the wedding that they were paying gbese after the wedding and it was so bad they couldn’t afford to collect pictures from the photographer.
    So after all the ‘high class’ thing they did people who didn’t attend (like me) couldn’t even see what their wedding looked like.
    Well they’ve been together for 34 years now so i guess it wasn’t a bad deal afterall.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      Amen! Its funny but it seems like some of the priorities to marriage have changed when it comes older generations and our own. Continued more years of bliss to your parents. Although the glitz and glam is nice to have, True Love doesnt require it!

  9. Asa

    August 2, 2016 at 9:35 am

    But Bellanaija, in the interest of balance, will you consider featuring an average Joan’s wedding? Make some of us wey dey come here see our mates and our class. I mean it is good to dream but can we feature our own current living as well?

    • Salmon

      August 2, 2016 at 10:22 am

      LOOL BNers are hypocrites. Would you ask Hello magazine or Tatler to feature an average joe wedding? So quick to form up ajebutter and form too superior for SDK and LIB. But the moment richer people are mentioned even if it’s their teenage children studying abroad, you guys start feeling upset and inferior. Rubbish

    • Asa

      August 3, 2016 at 12:04 pm

      But class isn’t wealth. Not going to LIB or SDK is class distinction really. Like minds attracting and all. Do you understand? Average on the other hand refers to finance and an average wedding can be classy. Do you understand?

  10. Tife

    August 2, 2016 at 9:43 am

    Maybe Bella Naija should also reduce how much they feature these weddings if according to them, some of the wedding funds could have been stolen or borrowed.
    Try to feature more “normal weddings”

  11. Lis

    August 2, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Godliness with contentment is great gain. …. dats the passage of scripture dat governs my life….. Paul said he learnt to abound in little….. when we deflate the baloon of pride and envy….. we become truly free

    • tell me

      August 2, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      1timothy 6:6 you know this!!!

  12. Ugonna Nwaka

    August 2, 2016 at 9:51 am

    I totally agree with you Bisola. A wedding is just for a day and the marriage is the most important thing so why break an arm and a leg just to please people’s eyes when you really can’t afford it.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 1:53 pm

      Yes! Just as important as it is to have a nice wedding, I think there is greater importance in investing in a proper marriage. The one day celebration that everyone will see is just for a moment, but the marriage is for the long-haul.

  13. Tai omo yoruba nimi

    August 2, 2016 at 9:56 am

    [email protected] do you know how much bellanaija makes featuring Those weddings? Nna men ! Make uno pour Sand for their garri not esp in this buhari regime

  14. Tife

    August 2, 2016 at 10:39 am

    @Tai omo yoruba nimi, lolllllz, well all i am saying is they should find away to include weddings of regular people as well.
    And also i didnt even know they generate money from those features……………..So after i spend several millions on my wedding i’d come and pay Bella to feature it again so i can be popular or for people to know that i have money?

  15. TOSIN

    August 2, 2016 at 11:23 am

    as for me the way i saved myself from envy of this bellanaija wedding pictures here and there is to not look at all…cuz the more you focus on it,the more you find yourself getting hypertensive.may God provide ours for us at the right time,and the resources for the wedding ceremony….also the strength and maturity to stay married.
    amin.

  16. miss

    August 2, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    I believe in being you, it’s good to admire what you see on Bella Naija. I believe if you want a very nice wedding, reduce your number of guests, save for things that re important to you for the wedding. Nigerians like inviting the whole of Lagos on a budget that is not realistic. Yes they can have plenty of money and still be madly in love.

  17. Single Shalewa, Bitter Bintu!

    August 2, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    Nice article Bisola. Funny how i used to read every wedding feature on BN before i got married (thankfully, i was never filled with envy, it was always for ideas to incorporate in my wedding), but ever since i got married, I’m yet to click on a wedding page, not even pre-wedding pictures. The pictures are always too much and i’d rather not waste precious data on such, instead i always read articles etc. Maybe it’s also because I’ve been there before and i can’t revisit that day anymore.

    If you have the financial muscle to pull off an elaborate wedding and it’s what you’ve always wanted, kindly go ahead.
    If you also have the finances but you’d rather opt for something lowkey, go ahead. Just do you. There will always be a bigger and better wedding than yours (no matter how much you spent). The earlier we all realised that, the better. I’m not sure anyone here can actually say oh the most expensive wedding i ever saw on this site was XYZ. Some of us don’t even remember the names of the couple – so there will always be another expensive and elaborate one. Just make yourself happy.
    Besides, if you can’t afford an elaborate wedding, do something you can afford and stay focused/hardworking, who says your 5yrs/10yrs anniversary won’t be a jamboree/carnival?

    Meanwhile, divorce is no ‘respecter’ of bank statements. Go to Igbosere and hear stupid divorce cases, from mechanics, builders, tanker drivers, to bankers – it’s not about your bank statements please.
    i usually detect a bit of glee in some people when they hear a couple who had an elaborate wedding got divorced. It’s sad though.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 2, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      Thank You for your comments. VERY well-said! ‘Just do you’, Its as simple as that. Thank for taking time out to read the article.

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:39 am

      Thanks! I agree. Just do you.

  18. Jasmine

    August 2, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    Story story! Bella, I love weddings. Don’t stop. I know wedding is just a one day thing and marriage is forever but my dear, if u av the money and spending it makies u happy, abeg spend. Clean or not!!!

    If I av so much money like dangote, my wedding will be wonderful, infact i’ll over spend. It’s my wedding not anybody’s. And yes, my marriage will last abeg

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:34 am

      Lol. Jasmine I agree. If you have the money and that will make you happy than by all means spend what you have. The essence of the article is to focus on what you have and appreciate where you are.

  19. Jasmine

    August 2, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    If u can afford a small wedding, do it. If it’s a big wedding u want and can afford it, do it.

    Just don’t borrow biko!!!! Don’t die coz of wedding

  20. DeeDee

    August 2, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    Beautiful message, very well said.

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:32 am

      Thanks DeeDee. I appreciate you reading it!

  21. its_urgirlie

    August 3, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    @ anonymous get a life! Better still put down your own opinion and stop finding mistakes about…it’s out of fashion. Busy body!!
    Thank you Stephanie Anyadike…people like you keep progressing.

    • Stephanie Anyadike, STYLVO Editor

      August 4, 2016 at 11:30 am

      Amen! It’s really nice to hear words of encouragement. I wish the same to you! We hope STYLVO can deliver more content to your benefit

  22. Tosin

    August 3, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Which one is ladies we’ve all been there? How?

  23. Ijeoma

    August 5, 2016 at 10:52 pm

    Word! Bisola. Marriage is for a lifetime.

    • Bisola

      August 24, 2016 at 4:41 am

      You got that right! So we better make the most of it.

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