Ladies, we’ve all been there; at least I admit I have, you find yourself on BellaNaija Weddings scrolling through the highlights of some senator’s daughter’s wedding or some celebrity wedding for what you thought was 15 minutes, but in actuality, it was an hour. You sit and scroll, sit and scroll. Gliding the mouse over one hyperlink to another, jumping from one wedding gallery to the next wishing you were the bride that was the center of attention for this grand over-the-top affair.
However, the bride is not you, and the modest Tunde that proposed to you (or that you want to propose) refuses to use his yearly salary on a wedding. So, what do you do? Wish that you were marrying a wealthy guy? Wish that you came from a wealthy family? Wish that you were someone else than your fabulous self? Don’t let envy rob you of who you are and where you are going. Here are some helpful tips to staying focused on your relationship and preventing envy.
Appreciate the Level You’re on Right Now
You may not be marrying a wealthy man or come from a wealthy home, but that doesn’t mean God hasn’t blessed you with good things. Appreciate where you are in life, right now, with the excitement of knowing your dreams can take you further in the future. Did you earn two masters before you turned 26? Did you buy a house before you were 28? Have you accumulated so many points on your frequent flier miles from your travel excursions that you basically travel for free now? There are so many achievements that you have accomplished. Don’t downgrade your achievements, because you haven’t gotten a particular car, man, job, lifestyle, yet.
Instead of being envious, write down your life goals. Create an action plan to achieve it and get to work. Be diligent and soon others will admire and be inspired by you. You may not have the biggest wedding, but you can throw an awesome 10 year anniversary party. Put your life into perspective and worked towards building a marriage you always wanted.
Not All That Glitters is Gold
Working in the wedding industry has taught me a lot about the realities of weddings and marriage. Just because you THOUGHT that person is in the best relationship, because her husband bought her a Mercedes as a wedding gift, doesn’t mean she really is. Don’t confuse someone’s material wealth for emotional stability. Every marriage has its ups and downs. No marriage is exempt from the trials of life. Becoming one with someone who grew up with two different parents, in a different environment, with a different personality is no easy feat. It takes grace and hard work to be in a successful relationship, let alone marriage. Face your own issues, together. Don’t let the appearance of bliss interfere with the actual joys of the relationship you are building together.
Don’t Envy Those Who Beg, Borrow or Steal
Let me be graciously honest, not everyone that has an elaborate wedding is financially stable to do so. I’ve seen people take out loans to fund their weddings. Is it THAT serious? Abeg. Some even charge their aso ebi at exorbitant prices, just to compensate for how much they’re spending. Do you really want to use family and friends as your reluctant financial investors, just because they want to support your beautiful union? Let’s be frank, that senator’s daughter’s wedding you admire, where did they REALLY get the money? From Daddy’s political salary? Your wedding is only one day. I repeat, your wedding is ONLY one day. Your marriage, however, is for a lifetime. Make wise financial decisions that will assist in a blissful marriage, not cause turmoil.
Focus on Creating an Authentic Wedding
You shouldn’t be envious of another’s wedding, because every wedding is uniquely tailored. At least it should be. You aren’t doing yourself or your fiance justice, by trying to imitate another person’s authentic wedding. An imitator can never be better than an originator. So, create details, elements and moments that are authentic and unique to the two of you. Do you bond over a favorite movie, scripture, or book? Insert quotes, verses and lines into your wedding program or favors. Does your man have a favorite sports team? Let that be the inspiration for his grooms cake. Do you have a favorite song? Let that be the spotlight of your couples dance. You don’t need to have crystals and blush pink to have a beautiful wedding. If you love to hike and just became a vegan, have a beautiful organic inspired decor design that incorporates more greenery than flowers. It will look just, as beautiful as, your Swarovski crystal loving friend’s wedding.
Remember, Guests Have Short-Term Memories
You have spent money, time and energy trying to outshine, so and so’s wedding. You may remember the details of her wedding, but others probably don’t. Think back to a wedding you attending 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 2 years ago. Do you remember the type of flowers they had? Or even how the decor was styled? No. Your guests probably won’t remember either after a while. In the grand scheme of things, how much money, time and effort you put into your wedding will probably only be remembered by the two of you. Becoming stressed about how elaborate your wedding needs to be when others will not remember that elaborateness may not be so wise. There is no need for you or your guests to be envious of a wedding they will likely forget about in due time.
All in all, continue to be your fabulous self. Don’t compare your wedding to others when only you can create your beautiful and authentic wedding celebration.
I’m curious, have you dealt with BellaNaija wedding envy?
Bisola is a content creator, event & graphic designer and marketing manager. One of her passion projects is, Gidi & Pearls, a Nigerian-American’s guide to living a beautiful, culturally-inspired life. When she’s not blogging, styling intimate soirees, creating on her Mac or guiding the marketing team at BCG Events, you can find her reading the Bible, daydreaming on Pinterest or binge watching her favorite Youtube influencers while sipping on a cup of green tea. Follow her at @GidiandPearls everything (Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat).
Photo Credit: Deborah Kolb | Dreamstime.com