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Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo: Being a Woman in the Lagos Hustle

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Akudo Abengowe-AdebayoMy world is an amazing one, or so I choose to describe it. It may not be filled with so much drama, but it’s amazing because I made the best decision of my life a long time ago. I chose to be happy no matter what!

It is the best decision because since then, I have viewed life and all its happenstances with humour. I find humour in every situation and what does humour make you do? It makes you smile. So there it is; my aim is to make you smile from the constant stories of me and the things happening in my world. If I bore you, I am sorry.

There is a popular saying that to be a man is not easy. How about to be a woman? So much emphasis has been made on the way men literarily go through hell, to fend for the family. These days, however, women go through as much hell if not more.

I am no feminist, I think that word has been seriously misconstrued by people who have no inkling of what the true meaning of feminism is. I feel that women – especially mothers – go through a lot to keep the family together and they are most often not appreciated for their efforts.

My crazy schedule starts with my daily morning prayers to my King, then a 30-minute workout at the gym near my house, so I wake up before everyone. I come back from the gym and sort out my kids’ breakfast, and prepare my daughter for school. All the while, hubby will be snoring away, (side eyes at him). I make breakfast for hubby with instructions to the nanny on how to serve him, dash in for my bath, get dressed and leave the house.

Going to work on the Island in Lagos, was very hectic for me as I had to spend 2 hours maximum to get to the Island from Ikeja where I live, and coming home was worse since I spend at least 3 hours. Thankfully, I am exploring my dreams as an entrepreneur and my office is now in Ikeja, Hallelujah somebody.

But seriously nothing has changed much. While being busy at work, trying to meet up with several meetings and work load, I’ll steal a moment to call the house to find out how the kids are doing. Hearing their voices in the background is a strong form of consolation for me that they are ok.

In between work I also have to check on hubby (at least to be the loving wife) and ask about his day and what he would love to eat for dinner, making a mental note to buy some fresh vegetables from the night market on my way home. Thank God for these night markets in Lagos, some of us would have been sent packing from our homes for want of time to buy some needed items during the day. Not very funny if you have a partner like mine who loves to eat fresh food.

Sometimes, it gets really crazy at work and I find myself either settling fights or counselling my colleagues, while thinking of the million and one things I have to do before the day ends, hmmph. Work closes and I rush home into the waiting arms of my kids. Trust me, they make all the stress worthwhile. I prepare dinner, try to help my daughter with her assignment and play with them. I also try to catch up on TV, while cuddling the kids, who basically love to fall asleep in my arms one after the other.

When they have finally slept, I indulge in some guilty pleasure which is late night TV or movie, while waiting for hubby to come home. Most times I would have dozed off before he comes back, but will always wake up because he will either want to eat or make out, to which I have to TRY and do the best my tired bones can allow…e no easy to be woman abeg.

Akudo Abengowe-Adebayo is a multiple award winner, with over 8 years in the media industry. She also hosts (Love Moments With Akudo) and is CEO of SATT Media, a content and media marketing company. She blogs at Akudosworld. She is married with two adorable kids and loves Jesus with all her being. She is a TV addict, loves dancing and traveling, and a lil gossip now and then. Follow her on [email protected] or [email protected] http://akudosworld.blogspot.com.ng/

47 Comments

  1. vora

    September 6, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Nice write up sis..God is our strenght…

    • vora

      September 6, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      Strength

    • Be asking

      September 7, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      After all this, the man is still coming home late, not checking on her during the day… Because he’s probably chea-youknowhat.

      Chayeee. A true Y demon

  2. Tell me

    September 7, 2016 at 1:06 am

    With all due respect ma nobody sent you message.. Your partner likes fresh food (I feel some type of way about this), bless him.. You work out ((health is wealth), prepare brekky & the kids! You go to work, branch market, come back make dinner, do homework, watch tv, still fulfil conjugal obligations. I’m sure you drive yourself around town too.. Superwoman!!! Women giving and giving till they are tired and worn.. Take care of yourself as you care of the family.. Well done and God bless..

    • Bodunade

      September 7, 2016 at 6:06 am

      Read and enjoy. Don’t choke on your bitterness. Many have gone. Sie ba puo, gerrarahere Mehn shii

    • Lacey

      September 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      @Bodunade nobody is choking on bitterness here!this woman is clearly married to herself! The husband is just a sperm donor!what does that man do for her? That is how they stress themselves unnecessarily!like my friend would say Nigerian women crown some men who are not worth a crown of clay with gold crown as King!

    • Ayomide's mummy

      September 7, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Don’t mind some women, they carry too much wahala on their head to prove SUPERWOMAN and please their husband. . Even if there’s competition for best wife and mother, it’s not worth it. Lagos traffic is already enough to age you faster, then adding more problems over stressing unnecessarily. Many men are willing to help. Don’t expect them to do it automatically. Women are more intuitive and initiative. Create comfortable room, atmosphere for it. Communicate what he can help you with. I saw my mum suffer for no reason even when daddy wanted to help. She offered to do it herself or called one of us to do it for him.

      My husband wasn’t domestic at all before we got married which was a concern for me but when we got married it gradually changed. We didn’t have houseHelp, so we did everything ourselves. His mother initially offered to send a househelp to help her son. I stood my ground, not happening. She threatened to kick me out because I wasn’t taking care of her prince enough. Hubby supported me.

      When we were newlyweds, he complained a lot how he doesn’t like dirty dishes laying around forgot himself he wasn’t in his parent’s house. I told him, since it irritates you so much, go and wash it then bcos I’ll wash it when I can get to it. You have functioning hands abi.
      I did a lot in the beginning, I just didn’t allow him to get too comfortable. I will involve him here and there. I had to learn NOT to give orders because it confuses men and their ego kick in.
      When I’m cooking, I say honey can you help me wash the dishes while I concentrate on the cooking so it can be faster. On weekends, he loves it when I ask him what he will like to eat for dinner but the thing is, we are going to the market together or sometimes I write him list and he buys them. I love my hubby, I like to see him happy but not at my own detriment. We will enjoy and be happy together.
      With our children, I usually pick them up from school because my work is more flexible. But once in while, I suggest he picks them up. They enjoy daddy picking them up anyway he buys them all sort of things on their way.
      He’s adjusted to it, that he does what he can to help me. Its 50/50.
      His family and people have talk talk. They call us the “oyibo” couple and we are forming for Lagos. I’m not forming anything, I’ve just decided to take life easy. I tell them it works for us, I’m happy he’s happy.

    • Jade Edo babe

      September 8, 2016 at 8:10 pm

      I like your style. I can imagine the talking because when a man is domestic and helps his wife. Naijas especially the in law family will accuse the woman of being controlling and using him. Women need to take it easy on themselves. Remember, we are strong but not machine.
      I don’t even like to cook but like to eat. All the guys have dated and my current bf cook well. God’s grace.

    • John

      September 8, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Yes, you are happy but are you sure your husband is really really happy?.that is the real question. .maybe your huband is already lookin for an excape.. honestly,I have seen this type of exact scenario played out somewhere in the same lagos.(they are also the so called mordern couples like you! The wife didnt even knew what hit her)I will advise you to monitor his conversation with his mother bcos you may think he supported you but he didn’t and mothers always have the last laugh.

    • Ayomide's mummy

      September 8, 2016 at 9:16 pm

      @john
      My husband is happy, he has no reason not to be happy. What will make him not to be happy? Because he’s actually involved in his own marriage and sharing the responsibilities. Marriage is a partnership. I set boundaries with my mother in law, and it’s given me more peace. It’s not about modern couples, it’s about it’s a two way thing. With all the women suffering for their husbands, the men still does whatever he wants. Him doing escape is not a threat or worry for me.

    • John

      September 9, 2016 at 7:45 am

      You just dont get it, do you?…every thing about you is me me me me me , I am happy ,I set boundaries, I have peace , me me me me …that you are happy and able to command your husband anyhow does not mean he is happy with the marriage, u actualy remind me of one woman (as I said above she didint knew what hit her)… I think your husband (who seems like a good man) deserves better and should start listening to his mother.

    • Lagos ex wife

      September 9, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      John, get lost. You are very annoying. Naija society is too chauvinistic. Their marriage seems balanced to me. Nothing in her comment implies her husband is suffering. And if he has problem, he should talk to his wife not his mummy. Be a man. I was eager to get married, naive and too nice. I wish, I had a mindset like this lady from day one, my life would have been more peaceful.. I did everything when I was married, tolerated my wicked mum in law all to please. I got tired of suffering emotionally and mentally, I packed my things and left. My cute twin babies cried that day like they knew what was going on. I almost stayed bcos of them. But I was completely done, moved back to my parent’s house. His family thought and waited for me to come begging. I have never had this much peace and joy. It’s been 3yrs now, it wasn’t easy but no way am I going back to vomit. We recently attended a friend’s wedding, he came with a lady. He had the audacity to call me after if we can come back together and try again. If you don’t want lightning to strike you, leave me alone o.

  3. Timuke

    September 7, 2016 at 3:19 am

    We have to do better as women to bring up better men. Whatever works for each person and family but there is no way this would work for me. While I do not expect my man to cater completely to me and the kids but I do expect some involvement. He also has to set an example for our kids. I want my son to assist his wife and my daughter not to try and be superwoman and try and do it all by herself. Again do what works for you!!

    • Panda

      September 7, 2016 at 8:16 am

      I agree wholeheartedly, if I ever have sons I want them to be raised knowing chores in their future homes are a shared responsibility (don’t make some poor girls life short please) and that would be hard when they are looking at my husband and he does nothing but brings home money (which is also what id be doing so work needs to be shared). Then again the story here might not be the full thing. But more grease to her elbow, she sounds pleased with her life, no need to fix what isn’t broken, we all have levels of stress that we can stand, I would have been majorly stressed and irritated by week 2.

    • artklub

      September 7, 2016 at 8:52 am

      OMG yes!

  4. Joy

    September 7, 2016 at 6:20 am

    God bless us women. It is not an easy world for us, be you housewife or worker, all join. My prayer is to never fall ill, I pray for constant strength daily, because who wan do the work.

  5. artklub

    September 7, 2016 at 6:24 am

    na your cross…marriage na contract better to organize a good contract with terms that u can live with….but hubby could be more considerate and helpful in domestic tasks nah, would it kill him to organize for the kids, make breakfast/dinner or go to night market sometimes? nothing radical, just help out at the home base so that u can keep ur wits about u, and not start developing resentment, sounds like u already have but u call it “superwoman-ism.” a lot of women end up sacrificing themselves and men get used to that, but it should not be. u have a right to a decent quality of life which includes enough “me” time. u are not a single woman so u dont have to carry all the domestic responsibilities on your back. marriage is partnership – sounds to me like you need ur partner to take up some more on the domestic side.

    • john

      September 7, 2016 at 7:03 am

      Did she copmalin to you personnaly about her hubby, this is jow you single frustrated women always go sowing seeds of discord and resentment immpeople marriage, I bet you will be the happiest to hear they are divorced just to make youself bitter self happy for that day

    • Panda

      September 7, 2016 at 8:18 am

      Where did you see that the commenter was single? She suggested sharing the workload and you went off on some random tangent, how come people always come back with this “bitter single” nonsense when they have nothing substantial to say?

    • artklub

      September 7, 2016 at 8:46 am

      @ john, na wa o…someone suggests equality and fairness and the other one on the advantaged side cries fowl and reverse discrimination, lol!

    • artklub

      September 7, 2016 at 8:47 am

      @ panda, thank you jare!

    • Nahum

      September 7, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      @john, how do you know she is single?? I can swear down that she is a married woman with kids. You men should stop abusing single women!! Single women are not bitter and hateful (well, most of them). Akudo’s husband is lazy and she is enabling him!! End of story!! And I did not like her joke of being thrown out of the house because of vegetables. We women need to stop demeaning ourselves like this. How can you even bring yourself so low to even entertain the thought that your husband will divorce you over vegetables?? Married women, abeg do better jor! Set higher standards for yourselves in marriage and watch your husbands adjust.

    • john

      September 7, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      Nonsense,I bet half my money that nahum and artkub are single ladies…no wonder married women are advised to no longer mix with single bitter women, they only give you advise that will lead to your divorce and resentment, so you remain single frustrated like them..no wonder it is said misery loves company..imagine, why is that so called feminists will be the first to attack a fellow woman ,if she doesn’t tow the same views like them…who are you to tell her how how to live her married life with her own husband..the day you maŕry,you can dictate your terms and condition to ur own unfortunate husband, let see how that will work out

    • artklub

      September 8, 2016 at 6:26 am

      hello john dear, i do not advocate for divorce, unless its an extreme case. I advocate for equality. and choosing your partner wisely. i would rather be single than miserable and married. that would be a bad example to my children – boy or girl. i advocate happiness in whichever shape or form, as long as others are not being hurt and its authentic. i wonder why privileged people are so threatened to level the playing field? its pure selfishness. don’t blame the messenger, please look in the mirror….

  6. Lateefah

    September 7, 2016 at 8:03 am

    I can relate with this. The only difference is that hubby sometimes surprises with dinner, schedule can be so unpredictable despite my being the boss, my supposed maid (completed her secondary school and NCE in my house) now sees herself as my daughter, The strength of a woman. It’s the early morning work-outs I want to take seriously now

  7. IJS

    September 7, 2016 at 8:20 am

    It’d be nice if you leave the cooking to your maid after teaching her. The maid can also do the morning bathing and preparation for the kids. This sent packing thing sounds somehow hope na joke

  8. Nene

    September 7, 2016 at 8:32 am

    Being a woman is tougher than being a man. You are also judged more. If a man has money that’s all he needs. For a woman if you have money, they’ll talk, you don’t have, they’ll talk, then judge your physical appearance again. Then judge your personal life, how you train your kids and how you take care of your husband, your parents, etc

    • AceOfSpades

      September 7, 2016 at 10:03 am

      Nene if a man doesn’t have money in this Naija, life is tougher for him than a woman who is the size of Yokozuna x10 plus poor plus has 12 children plus uneducated. For the sake of equality, life is tough for men and women. It’s not tougher for one than one!

  9. Oprah

    September 7, 2016 at 9:26 am

    WOW…..it came across as the only reason you are here is to work and serve your hubby……nothing in your article was for you and about you, independent of your family….or maybe you just didn’t write everything….

  10. Modupe

    September 7, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Our men are so lazy. This really sounds like she is a paid domestic staff herself. A grown man that does not even remember to call family and wife at lunchtime. All he does is sleep, fart, fuck and work.

    • Nahum

      September 7, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      LMAO!!!! Your comment is on fire!!! ???

  11. Puzzles

    September 7, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Please allow her to express her struggles as a working wife and mother. Single ladies tell us their own struggles through their articles. Why can’t a married woman?

    Let’s live and let live, people.

    Not every time “how to deal with breakup” and other related topics.

    More power to your elbows, Akudo. I enjoyed your article. I’m inspired by the fact that you are a working mum with your own company. That’s what I hope to have someday soon and I pray for a husband who would encourage me to pursue my dreams and give me his wholehearted support. I believe that the most important career choice one can make is who you get married to, especially for a Nigerian woman in Nigeria. It can’t be easy. I pray for more blessings on you and your family.

    PS: This your husband’s love for only fresh food though. Chai! You dey try o

  12. jann

    September 7, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Lady, you chose to be in this kind of marriage. If you can’t take the stress, do something about it. I find it annoying that a grown man can’t even Cook his own meals. Like are u a maid?? can’t he prepare something for you and the kids?? must u cook always?? my dear, don’t kill yourself oo. You better reduce the stress level before you end up with a stroke or high bp. If he can’t help out, get a maid and look after your own self. if u drop dead today, life will still go on.

  13. Tosin

    September 7, 2016 at 11:59 am

    God is our strength but we have to also want change.

    Imagine millions of people donating five hours a day on the road. Road to where? Doing what? Are we refugees? Is this a war zone? When judgement day comes and we tell God we spent more than 10 percent, 20 percent of our lives on the road will he not ask an angel to give us a knock on the head for not using our common sense to arrange life the way we prefer? Ehn?

    All these years employers , governments, have gone scot-free while we keep adapting adapting, and running individual races, hustling. WHEN WILL WE CHANGE? When will we see that it is foolish to pray for God to give you a car , that it is wise to pray for God to give US a public transportation system?

    God is our strength sha. You’re a survivor, and may God bless you and reward you.

  14. Magarita

    September 7, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    I mean, so your hubby can’t even handle the task of checking up on you and the kids at miday? What an Arab prince with so much entitlements

  15. tunmi

    September 7, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    “I am no feminist”

    Dear goodness gracious, what does that have to do with this write up? Funnily enough, Nigerians are more feminist than they even know sef.

  16. Just my 1 Cents

    September 7, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    We need to respect other people views. If she loves what she is doing, what’s my own problem?

    All I know is that I didn’t come to this world to suffer in the name of marriage.

  17. naggingnaggers

    September 7, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    nice article…..but wait,this woman made it seem lik shes d nly1 wrking or dat sm1 is frcin it on her,abi wo sent u 2b goin 2d gym? u av househelp na whatapun 2dose wo dont?d guy works and comes back late what dyu expect d guy 2do?plos y u makin it feellik d hubby dsnt chek up on u or neva does anytin apart frm goin 2 wrk n comin late. biko we undstnd women work hard bt puhleaaaaase stop blowin it outta proportion.if d wrk is 2much biko leave d marriage abi wu frce u

    • Nope

      September 8, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      Listen.

      DO NOT COME TO BELLA NAIJA TO COMMENT WITH THIS RIDICULOUS TEXT SPEAK/SHORTHAND NONSENSE AGAIN!!!

      Inugo?

  18. Chu

    September 7, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    While we want men to be more involved we have to be realistic and acknowledge that most men are not. We call it entitlement, they call it a way of life. I have a supportive husband but sometimes I have to drive home the point to him that there are no traditional roles for men and women anymore. But being a child of the 80s I even wonder if I overdo that.
    So in the meantime how do we keep our homes as wives? Working class women how do you manage without a help? I have a help and one child but the help drives me nuts so thinking of relieving her for my piece of mind, wondering how I will be able to wake, work out, prepare breakfast, get myse and kid ready and get to work on time.
    Would appreciate pointers from those who have been there.

    • Lala

      September 7, 2016 at 4:44 pm

      I work from home. My business is still in its infancy stage without much profit. So essentially, I don’t get paid until the business grows. I hope to add a new aspect to it this September and hopefully that brings in more income.
      I believe that, before my baby is born, the business will be profitable enough to pay me. For now, the business generates enough to pay its own bills. Save up to start something that enables you work around your kids. Pray, Plan, pray and plan again and again. I know things don’t always go according to plan but at least l am on course.
      When people marry, stop all the tall, dark and handsome. Look for a reasonable human being. Get your spouse to do some chores.

    • Tincan

      September 8, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      Quick tip, gym at home, YouTube videos, save the travel time to and fro the gym.

  19. john

    September 7, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    Nonsense,I bet half my money that nahum and artkub are single ladies…no wonder married women are advised to no longer mix with single bitter women, they only give you advise that will lead to your divorce and resentment, so you remain single frustrated like them..no wonder it is said misery loves company..imagine, why is that so called feminists will be the first to attack a fellow woman ,if she doesn’t tow the same views like them…who are you to tell her how how to live her married life with her own husband..the day you maŕry,you can dictate your terms and condition to ur own unfortunate husband, let see how that will work out.

    • slice

      September 7, 2016 at 5:51 pm

      Its because many of these married women are crying to their friends single and married alike. If they cry toyou, they say you deprive them ofsex, money or attention so they stop crying. Honestly on behalf of all women that have cried to me, I beg the mdn in the house, pls try a little more. Some of your wives are working too hard . To baba of yesterday that said he does his share at home, may the lord honour you as you lift the load from your wife

    • Mschewwwww

      September 9, 2016 at 9:15 am

      It’s funny you wrote this meanwhile you are on other people’s case for not sharing your views lmfao. Your rants show you are a weak, angry hypocritical and controlling imp, so carry your one sided self righteousness outta here.

  20. IJS

    September 7, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Wait wait..she runs her own business. Makes sense to me now.

  21. Ugomma

    September 7, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    Please BN there a way to move this Huawei advert it keeps blocking the screen. Thanks

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