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“He showed no mercy…said to me that I was going to drown in my blood” – CEO of Foston Musik’s Wife Ajoke opens up on Domestic Violence

BellaNaija.com

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Yesterday, Patoranking’s label boss, Foston Utomi (CEO of Foston Musik) posted a photo on Instagram with a caption that read:

When you’re holding on to someone who doesn’t want to stay. – There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life no matter how much you want them to. And the only ones truly worthy of your love are the ones who stand with you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass. Maybe a happy ending doesn’t include anyone else right now. Maybe it’s just you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is simply letting go and taking a bold step forward. MARC AND ANGEL

Following the post, Ajoke, took to her own page to open up on the domestic violence she suffered while they were together. Someone had left a comment on the post saying “Domestic violence is not allowed” and Foston sent her a DM asking if it was her that posted the comment. He went further to say that the post was not about her.

His estranged wife posted the exchange on her page and captioned:

If you think you can post something on a public platform and then come to me in private to say your post is not about me then you must be joking for real. So since you started it I guess is okay for me to come here and ask you “who exactly is your post directed to then”? Awww are you feeling salty cos I left you? Feeling salty cos I rejected all your pathetic pleas for me to come back to you? Only a few people know what a monster you really are, and most of them can’t tell you the truth cos you are feeding them. You said it yourself that through out our relationship and marriage I never did anything wrong to you (I have all the screen shots), I never cheated on you, never talked back at you, never wronged you. Despite the fact you did unimaginable things to me,all I did was look for new ways to love you everyday. I walk around smiling, trying to be strong for my son but only I know how You have destroyed me, if my scars ever heal it would be a true miracle. Now to whoever this ghost account “hayoxy” is (I swear on my life and my entire family that I have no idea who it is, I’m not following Foston so I didn’t even see the post until he sent me the screenshot) thank you but you honestly don’t even need to fight for me. I haven’t cried in almost 4 months now, that’s enough proof that God has already fought for me. Now back to your post sir Uba, you will not have a happy ending oh! What happy ending? Let me just tell you right now- it’s impossible! You beat me nothing less than 20 times in 3 yrs and attempted to murder me (MURDER) 3 times and you think you will know peace? It doesn’t matter how much you have, unless your parents take you to a mountain for deliverance you will end up killing yourself mark my words. You bought me a Range Rover so you may buy your next girl (victim) a Bentley when you find her sure she will enjoy financial bliss but she will pay dearly for you are cursed. You know I’m your heart I was never with you for money, when we started I didn’t even know who you were, I hadn’t even heard Patoranking’s Alubarika, my intentions and love was pure until I finally saw that you didn’t deserve it. Respect yourself!

The mother of one then revealed how she was physically abused after they got married and how during a particular episode she was beaten to a point where she was nearly killed. She also shared proof of the abuse.

In a post she wrote:

In this day my darling husband saw his wife and mother of his child bleeding on the floor but was still hugging and puffing. Swearing on his mothers life that that was going to be my last day on earth. Swearing that he would “enter Instablog” as the next man who killed his wife. I can’t help but imagine 2 conductors on the street fighting, 2 strangers. When one starts to bleed the other would think “ha make I calm down oh” talkleas of beating your defenseless wife who did Nothing to you (or please ask him, what I did, I would love to be able to make sense of this, love to know my offense). He showed no mercy,still said to me that I was going to drown in my blood. He locked all doors, even balconies invade I wanted to jump out! The man I loved striped to his underwear in front of my friend and the abuse went on for hours, he had 2 of his own friends in the house and even they weren’t enough to stop him, he was exchanging blows with them, just to get to me. It was as though he had 5 men inside him,determined to kill me. I excaped only by the grace of God. My friend and I were running on the street with blood on me like this and people wondering what happened to us. And this was just one day. I can write a book on the living hell I lived. And it’s you, who has the guts to bring this to instagram? You are not even worthy of being a role model to your son yet You think you a motivational speaker now?

Foston is yet to respond to these allegations.

Foston and Ajoke had their introduction in December 2015.

Photo Credit: Instagram – @sugardropzzz | @fostonut

170 Comments

  1. Bella

    March 15, 2017 at 9:11 am

    Pele

    • Similar Story

      March 15, 2017 at 9:41 am

      Before anyone (eg Paul Adeyemo, John and Chief) comes here to say “how can he just start beating you and you claim you don’t know your offense? You must have provoked him”.

      Let me tell you, my hubby came home last year and looked at me on the sofa and just started to punch me and when I landed on the floor, he kicked me till I could barely breathe.

      When asked why he did it, he said he was tired of his business not going well and needed to take out his rage on someone. So I was of course the target.

      He can’t understand why my family and I are making a fuss, as far as he’s concerned it was a simple mistake he made and we should just put it behind us and carry on with life.
      Just imagine.

    • Omasiri

      March 15, 2017 at 12:37 pm

      Chief has gone into hiding since he was nicknamed Chief the defender of prostitutes aka DOP.

    • survivor

      March 15, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      That ur ozzband is an animal..the next one might b ur grave..but God forbid…just be careful I say just be careful!

    • gia

      March 15, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      Are you guys still married?!

    • Amaka

      March 15, 2017 at 3:06 pm

      Your husband was under a demonic influence. That is absolutely not normal and I don’t care how it is viewed. How can someone stay on the sofa jeje and all of a sudden end her day being tortured. You need to pray seriously. There may be an ancestral curse. We human beings sometimes mix spiritual issues with physical issues. That’s a spiritual case.

    • John

      March 15, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      Tell that story to the birds

    • Dee

      March 15, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Aha! John will come here for sure.
      In your warped mind, even this person’s experience must be her fault because “we must never believe a woman’s story”.
      John why do you insist on deceiving yourself? As if these things don’t happen? Our Nigerian men know they can get away with it and that’s that.

      Let me tell you, my Dad used to beat my mum for absolutely no reason. We were there, we saw. No conversation, we are all watching TV and then he would just start complaining about anything he can complain about and then next thing, he rains blows on poor mum. When he got bored of beating her, he would face us, until my brother became old enough to dare him to try it again.

      John, I can’t wait for you to have daughters, if you don’t already have, and then I pray they marry men exactly like you.
      You know what? No. The innocent girls don’t deserve the sort of hell on earth that being married to you must be.

    • Pippy

      March 15, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      LOL. John Bull, but you’re a bird so you have been told already. Which one you dey na?

      @similar, hope you’ve left that man. He’s clearly not normal.

    • nwa nna

      March 15, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      @similar story,
      Shyte, I say you come home one day and kick him as hard as you can on his nutz and continue to kick his nutz until he begs you to stop and ask why? Why you should reply to, I just felt like blowing off some steam..

    • jade

      March 15, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      @similar story What? No sound husband will come home and punch his wife for his failures outside of his home. I can’t believe this.
      I’ve said this before but will say it again. Majority of Nigerian men are mentally unstable. There’s a lot of anger, mental illness, dysfunctionality brushed under the rug.
      It’s time to address the elephant in the room.
      These men have issues they don’t even know, and you expect them to be a responsible man.
      Nigerians, we are hiding our downfalls, time to stop covering up nigerian wome included.
      I’m glad women are speaking up instead of pretending like our the previous generation did.

    • Anon

      March 27, 2017 at 5:36 am

      Please leave.

    • Jabawale Kingdom

      March 15, 2017 at 10:03 am

      OGA! we gonna name you ‘KONGA!’ … coz u Omoge no de play! See proper placement of discipline.

    • A Real Nigerian

      March 15, 2017 at 10:19 am

      You must be very stupid. Take your disgusting, unfunny street humour back to the gutters where you and your fellow beasts belong.

    • Notcool

      March 15, 2017 at 10:49 am

      Wow @ARN your words are not any better than what Jabawale said. How does throwing insult help in this matter?

    • Maison

      March 15, 2017 at 12:06 pm

      Real nigerian. This is a free blog stop being the blog police. You do not have to be a tout in manner of communication all the time. When you make sense you will now spoil it with your presentation. Don’t you have a job.

    • Similar Story

      March 15, 2017 at 10:37 am

      BN moderators, please can you have a post on your terms and conditions of comment publishing?

      It’s a bit rude that someone takes time to pour out his/her heart in the comment section and you either refuse to post or post it a day later when everyone has moved on.

      Especially when no swear words were used nor anyone’s names mentioned.

      It will be useful for us to know what informs your decision to post or not to post so we don’t waste our time.

      Thank you.

    • Marian

      March 15, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      I’ve said the same thing multiple times. if not because I was really moved by this post i’ve decided to just go back to reading and not commenting.

    • Tina

      March 15, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      This is so sad but sometimes I find it hard to sympathize with victims because they willingly enslaved themselves. Why do I say so? Because 99.9% of the time they were abused while dating, when they were free to easily walk away with less complications like kids or shame. Most take it and go ahead with marriage and kids for reasons best known to them. I have always scratched my head trying to understand why someone will choose to date and even marry an abuser, starting from when I was in secondary school when my 22yo older sister was dating one because she felt it was time to settle down. Really? After all the drama I created to end the relationship which she did, I was the bad person. Fast forward years later, my very successfull, very well educated friend was dating and planning marriage with an abuser that she was feeding. After I talk her out of it and almost got into a real fight with her abuser when it became too much, guess what , I was the bad person. I was jealous that she was getting married and I was single, it’s been almost 10yrs now and I don’t talk to her anymore. The problem is that I love too much, if you’re family or friend your fight is my fight. These are only few examples, there are others. Since then I find it hard to sympathize because I feel most of these victims are in this for reasons best known to them and majority are aware before hand.

    • madman

      March 15, 2017 at 7:28 pm

      I AGREE with you 100%. Most people stay with ABUSERS because they think they can change them. Well, not so much. Too bad. Glad that she’s still ALIVE to tell her story.

    • Liz

      March 15, 2017 at 10:55 pm

      Considering that women are constantly taught in the church to remain with their abusers then it’s no surprise. I really hope people will see the evil the priests and pastors have become. Women, if the church is killing you and your husband is killing you slowly, leave the man and leave the church. There is no obligation to worshipping in a building called the “church”, when the Church in the Bible means the people of God. You can still worship God at home or any other safe place, and you will be free from religious abuse, which promotes marital abuse.. Spirituality and religion are not the same. You should aim to be spiritual, and not religious. Know when you are being oppressed.

  2. Rolly

    March 15, 2017 at 9:12 am

    God will bless you abundantly for sharing your story. I am so proud of my Nigerian sisters speaking up and calling their demonic husbands out.

    Foston, as someone once said “the karma that will deal with you is still doing push ups”…. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being and a coward. If beating your wife and the mother of your child is what gives you courage and confidence, then you are indeed a wretched bastard. I cannot wait to see what will become of your life. Evil tout.

    • Jabawale Kingdom

      March 15, 2017 at 10:28 am

      “A WIFE BEATING; AFRICAN MAN”……mhmm almost as gud as it sounds.

      But i think the wounds are embelished, for camera purposes. coz how dd she bandage herself then withdraw back to the pool of blood and sit on it,

      Also i know if an african man goes to the extent to draw blood – it was ur soul he was after.

      we dont believe in bleeding our women but we do believe in occasionally battering our women to the extent you see proper behavior like in IGbo women.

      Then the Ada is ready for marriage. if she cant handle it, she will not withstand when the going gets tough either.

      This is an AFRICAN TEST FOR COMMITMENT, The same way we believe in battering our kids, so they go form up!

      I think i have battered all of my Gf’s in the past. The ones who withstood it i love them the dearest and they have special place in my heart.

      No one said it wud be easy; just an afterward promice of exellent sex and mellow temperement from the men. infact this is only occasionally supplimented!

      if you dont do this and u immidiately adopt mellow temperement in a marriage with your wife, she go just disrespect ur worthy as man, even if not blatant as in spit on your face one day! But a certain amount of respect due to you (as her protector!) she will withold! i compaire this expirience with wearing shoes that are a size too small. They are suitable but lacking.

      LADIES! this is an open insight into the mind of batter – Feel free to judge and scruitinize how u go see fit!

    • Dumbfounded

      March 15, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      Are you kidding me??? Did you really just come on this comment section and talk about grown women like errant children? You must be mad!!! Because this is not the speech of a sensible human being talk less of a grown man. I pity your daughters should you have any. I honestly you are of this same opinion if a man raises his hand to them. You are an unfortunate person and I have refrained from cussing you out on here but you definitely need to develop some maturity for lack of a better word. Lord help you.

    • Rolly

      March 15, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      You are sick and I pray my God of justice comes through with vengeance. Spawn of satan.

      BN this is the last time I will ever leave a comment or even visit your blog. You mean with all the staff you have, no one had the sense to disallow this comment? A man is here bragging about beating his girlfriends and spewing absolute filth yet you thought it was okay to post it? Because of what? Meanwhile you will be moderating comments calling out your celeb friends for ten years.
      Absolutely revolting and disgusting. Uche I expected more from you and your team. What an insult to DV victims.

    • ruby

      March 15, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Sarcasm @ its best!!

    • dee

      March 15, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      You are the most stupid, idiotic and senseless rotten fool for this comment you made. I pray that you marry a woman who would beat your withered brain and claim she loves you. Anu mpama!

    • Amaka

      March 15, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      @Jabawale. Please go to Redemption Camp asap. I know someone who can help you. You need Jesus right now before you end up in Yaba left or the prison yard. The devil has plans for your destiny and you must master sin. God made you in his image and likeness, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don’t let the devil destroy you. You need to overcome such thoughts and character. Pull down the strong hold that wants to tie you down. Let Jesus set you free completely.

    • Gina

      March 15, 2017 at 3:24 pm

      @bella the above statement is sickening to read and I cannot believe that it ever went through any form of moderating from the #BNteam that i have known for almost a decade now.

      OR

      Has your commenting policy changed? Did you employ a new staff who is not aware of your polices, to man comments review and approval?

      Why are @jabawale Kingdom’s hate speeches being approved? why have they not been removed?

      @bella please note that this is across all major topics that you have posted.
      I hope you get to read this.

      Thank you

    • Dodo

      March 15, 2017 at 11:05 pm

      @Jabawale, this was just a woefully pathetic attempt at labeling Ibo men as wife beaters. Ridiculous!

    • Jabawale Kingdom

      March 16, 2017 at 8:09 am

      WoW, see ‘eye’ de red! Ladies u de go MAD!

      Is there a problem of men beating women in Africa :-
      Mhm, not more so than anywhere else. is it a supportable convention! Well that depends how you look at it. Wife Battering is directly in relation to masculine aggression. Believe me it can get extremely worse but this is not it! For extremely obvious reason Nigerian men are more violent and terretorial than other typical Africans.

      #
      The refrence to Igbo women was because in my expirience they have the best natural intuition to stay out of their Man’s rage! They know when to submit. And when to be vocal. But other women are honestly still very clueless about this issue…..

      ………….

      But on a real level. I cannot think of a sort of treatment women enjoy more than this….it depends how you do it….Dont be mean about it! Just use #Banter! But women love to be thrown around and feel genuine masculine primal strength they dont got it, so its sexually exiting for the them! She also understand thats what protects her…They feel a feeling of ownership related to it!

      I can think of one other aspect of a man – that equaly inflicts feelings of terror and clinginess at the same time.

      Now am i suggesting that Rihana is probably even deeper in Love with Chris Brown: I honestly cant realy say! It depends what was his intention to release that kind rage!

    • Anoni

      March 19, 2017 at 6:02 pm

      You are an IDIOT!!! NO APOLOGIES whatsoever

    • Ajayi Oluwabukola

      March 15, 2017 at 11:08 am

      Am speechless and dumbfounded. Thumbs up to you for speaking out. ????

    • keke driver

      March 15, 2017 at 11:27 am

      Thank you so much for speaking up…. Fathers please train your men to be responsible, how long is this going to continue?? It’s sad that all we read everyday is one monster or the other beating up His wife…Tell me, how in God’s name do you sleep at night?? This is sad, really sad

  3. Spunky

    March 15, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Na wah…

  4. Rolly

    March 15, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Do you know how possessed someone must be to even hit his friends who are trying to stop him from beating up his wife. I am absolutely fuming. Just look at the thing….the bottom of my shoe even looks better than him. Eww

  5. Pink

    March 15, 2017 at 9:16 am

    Na Wa o

  6. A Real Nigerian

    March 15, 2017 at 9:23 am

    This is just horrible. Lord. How can you beat up someone like this? For what?
    I’m so glad women are now having the courage to leave abusive marriages and even coming out to shame these cruel, cowardly and despicable man beasts.

    • Hashva

      March 15, 2017 at 10:48 am

      I look at men like this and wonder how they live with themselves.

  7. The Real Oma

    March 15, 2017 at 9:28 am

    Na wa oh! Like i am speechless, what? So many sick people walking about the street, many driving exotic cars, like what? What manner of love or self hate makes a woman stay with a man who has raised his hands on her once, twice..? What is it, what?
    Bella Naija, we need a post on this, a survivor of DV to share why they stayed, cos i can’t get it mhen, i can’t imagine it.
    Marriage sef dey fear me now, its beginning to look like 9 out of 10 men are wife beaters, and the women are only suffering and smiling.

    • David

      March 15, 2017 at 9:40 am

      Don’t let marriage fear you, there are good men out there, my sister. My advice, don’t rush. Don’t ever, ever, ever settle. The signs are always there, always.

    • FasholasLover

      March 15, 2017 at 11:11 am

      @’The real Oma, I don’t get it either. I also do not understand the meaning of “It was just a slap”. Haa, l do not understand why a woman will stay after one slap. Parents, family, friends and the church/mosque should stop blackmailing women into staying in abusive relationships be it verbal, emotional of physical. This goes both ways. Men, if your partner is abusing you, walk. There is no shame in walking. You have to be alive to feel shame.

    • Lee

      March 15, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      God bless you real good. If you are married God bless your home, if otherwise, God shall grant you a wonderful man.

  8. yummymummycumchick

    March 15, 2017 at 9:30 am

    M TIRED OF ALL COWARDS CALLING THEMSELVES MEN! PICK SOMEONE UR SIZE

  9. judith

    March 15, 2017 at 9:30 am

    Dis is really sad… thank you for speaking out, how can u do dis to d person u claim to love??? Say NO to Domestic Violence

  10. truth

    March 15, 2017 at 9:30 am

    now i see why patoranking was made to reshoot the video for girlie’o from the abusive video to happy go lucky one with tiwa…..hmmmmmm…now i dey think. sorry ajoke, its good you left, no amount of pleading or wealth should make u stay with a monster like that.

  11. funmilola

    March 15, 2017 at 9:38 am

    I’m shocked!

  12. ibiere

    March 15, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Thank u Ma for speaking up. Women say no to domestic violence!!…u deserve better

  13. Ima

    March 15, 2017 at 9:41 am

    It breaks my heart to see how low we have become in society that marriage now means nothing, this goes to show that the generation before us had it wrong at some point in raising their sons. Very few men understand what it is to be a loving protective husband instead they believe being a man is oppressing a woman. Money is not everything, please let’s learn to be good and nice to each other especially the married folks, mutual respect is key to a lasting bond. God help us

  14. Side note

    March 15, 2017 at 9:43 am

    DV, not nice….. so sad

    On a side note….

    1. “You bought me a Range Rover so you may buy your next girl (victim) a Bentley when you find her sure she will enjoy financial bliss but she will pay dearly”

    Seems some people are enticed by things…ladies who are looking for men like that, TAKE NOTE!

    2. “Foston and Ajoke had their introduction in December 2015”

    You mean they were not even married? With a son? since 2015?
    Ladies, do it right. Let the men value you in their lives.

    • Papacy

      March 15, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      Isnt it better they aren’t married? Probably saw the beating had become a pattern and delayed making it official. At least she can find her way jeje.

    • Sigh

      March 15, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      They r married. They had intro in 2015, wedding in 2016. Their pre wedding shoot was here on BN, it has been removed as of today. As for the range rover…she is referencing how he uses gifts to cover up for his flaws. U dno what she does for a living or how she contribute to his life. I dno if women can ever get a break in Nigeria. We r ambitious and pay for ourselves and even buy things for our men, we are called high maintenance, career woman, mumu and etc. They buy things for us….we r gold diggers. Shouldn’t you all be promoting, that men and women should be building each other both character-wise and financial-wise; also build spiritually and emotionally. I grew up seeing both male and female exchanging gifts, no matter how little, in rship, out of care, not materialism. And also all these talk about men flying women to Dubai and etc I have seen in some comments . Nobody has ever flown me anywhere. I pay for myself. And I know a lot of women who do this. But I grew up in Europe. So I guess you are referring to Nigerian women in naija. All the same…u can’t tell people what to collect or not to. U can only advise both men and women to reciprocate love, care, commitment, loyalty towards each other evenly. That should be the key message always.

      This lady might be able to afford a car herself…and women who don’t collect cars and etc are also facing DV. Please let’s try to stop generalising. Nigerian women and men are both facing a lot of challenges. We should think about the root of the problems from all angle and try to provide workable solutions to them.

  15. wendy

    March 15, 2017 at 9:44 am

    https://www.bellanaija.com/2016/03/it-goes-down-in-the-dm-ceo-foston-musik-ajoke-met-on-instagram-pre-wedding-photos/

    I remember reading this story and i was wowed, not all that glitters is gold.
    I empathize with her.I pray God heals her broken heart.

    • Thelma

      March 15, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      Did BellaNaija just take down this link from their website? Why am I gettin a 404 error?

    • Hii

      March 15, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      When I clicked on the link it says “The page you are looking for no longer exists.”

    • missnk

      March 15, 2017 at 11:11 pm

      yes they did. you can still see the cached version though. that’s if they post this comment

  16. trudy

    March 15, 2017 at 9:44 am

    so why dont wives report these violent men to the police? why? a man will beat you and you wont report him to the police? even if no action will take place due to corrupt policemen, having that paperwork backing goes a long way… so many leave the men in silence and come back later with pictures and words… no! now its going to be her word against his. and the stupid he-goat walks freely…

    • Gwen

      March 15, 2017 at 10:30 am

      My dear, from the story, we can deduce that dude is very wealthy. You said it yourself- no action will take place due to corrupt policemen. Even if she reports and they take her somewhat serious and file paperwork, the right amount of money can make that paperwork disappear.
      Let’s join the sister in thanking God she escaped alive and isn’t looking back.

    • iwalewa

      March 15, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      Report to police when police will support the man and tell you guys to go home and settle your differences. Report to a human right activist instead.

    • Idomagirl

      March 15, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      You haven’t heard the police tell battered women to go back & settle with their husbands because it’s a “family matter”?
      I don’t think you understand how hopeless Nigeria is

  17. Wow

    March 15, 2017 at 9:45 am

    I am speechless this is terrible. If you are a bad(angry) man, change your ways or better yet stay alone, If you are a good man then do well to get better. Ladies do well to leave an abusive relationship.

  18. Abibi

    March 15, 2017 at 9:46 am

    Ajoke, congrats you came out alive. For me, im still in my own, wondering to stay or to go..Reading your post made me realize they all have the same attributes. In December 2016, my hubby pounced on me and promised me that my death news will be the next on instagram the next morning. Im glad to be alive today, still hanging in there for no reason at all.It is well. COngrats once again AJoke.Im happy for u.

    • adelegirl

      March 16, 2017 at 8:45 am

      He promised that your death news will be the next on instagram and you are here still wondering whether you should “stay or to go” Abibi, I think there is something wrong with your head and I am here to tell you if you don’t have any close friends or family to tell you – LEAVE! Don’t be the next victim!

    • Dammy

      March 17, 2017 at 11:03 am

      Please LEAVE. Don’t die there.

  19. Marian

    March 15, 2017 at 9:48 am

    Are these women aware they can have the men arrested and sent to jail?

    I don’t really see anything changing if these men don’t start going to jail. Give it a few months and this guy will start dating someone else.

    Dear single ladies, shine your eyes very well. Any guy that abuses you while yall are dating be it physical, verbal emotional, neglect…will do worse after the wedding.

    • Mawi

      March 15, 2017 at 10:28 am

      In this Nigeria? The police will simply call the husband and say “this is husband & wife matter. Go and settle with ur wife”. I’ve seen that so many times in the estate where I lived. There’s a police station there and that is how they dismiss such domestic cases. Shebi the policemen are also wife beaters na.

  20. David

    March 15, 2017 at 9:48 am

    We’ve past the point of commenting on social media. Yes, it’s creating awareness, but without affirmative actions these will go on. Man hitting woman, woman hitting help… What can we do to stop these sh”t?

    First Lady, Oby E, Ngozi O, Abike Dabiri, Chimamanda, Genevieve, Asa, Omotola, Funmi Iyanda, Rita Dominic… Can these women come together and demand a bill is passed to stop DM?

    • AA

      March 15, 2017 at 11:12 am

      David, it already exists. Its the Violence Against persons (prohibition) Act (VAPP) was passed into law in May, 2015.

    • David

      March 15, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Thanks AA, I know it exists but it’s sadly a hoax. It’s not enforced where it should and is very reliant on the IKM (I Know Man) syndrome plaguing Nigeria. I have a dear friend who has been there and seen it all. But if respected voices where to come together, it will be enforced over time. 1929 in eastern Nigeria, a widow’s revolt against paying tax led to one of the greatest women protest ever. This was in a time when spreading information was a task, but a three market-women led protest mobilised over 10,000 women to match and revolt against tax… and THEY WON! When women gather and put aside their petty difference they are POWERFUL! The commitment of a committed woman is its own rival.

      Nothing wrong with espacist movies and songs but can women entertainers in Nigeria do something about DV? Bella, Linda and a few bloggers are doing in great bringing these issues to limelight. But the women I mentioned in particular, can they are come together, wear the unjustice like a lipstick and carry it around like a clutch? Can Gene, Omotola, Stephanie, RIta and co come together to produce a long running soap or tv series on DV and star in it? Can Asa call Tiwa, Yemi, Waje… and make various ALBUMS on DV? Can Chimamanda channel her articles to endless DV tales in Nigeria and write a book about, maybe? Collection of short stories? Can Oby E, Ngozi O and Abike sit on the lawmakers and enforcement agencies to enforce and practise DV bill? Can Funmi take on TV hosting to interview surviours of DV, along Mo Abudu?

      Can all these women do this while working hand in hand? I know they are doing their fare quota to raise awareness to issues dearest to heart, but everyone of them must know someone who have suffered/suffering DV so it will be nice to see them join forces and stop this madness!!! Stopping DV is not as complicated as resolving the issue of lack of power and other basic ammenities Nigeria deprives its citizens. Women need to JUST come together with one voice and keep screaming (STOP BEATING US!, STOP HITTING US! and so on) until they are heard.

      Of course, Logical thinking men will join and support them, but quite frankty they wouldn’t be needing men to fight against this shit! Its not like they are asking for equal rights or sth.

    • David

      March 15, 2017 at 7:44 pm

      Were to*
      doing great in*
      the injustice*
      Fair quota*

  21. Billionaire in grace

    March 15, 2017 at 9:50 am

    Dear Lord where is this world heading to? I am so shocked to see one can do it to the monther of his child that mean he can do worst to a complete stranger with no voice to speak up.

  22. Beard gang

    March 15, 2017 at 9:52 am

    I don’t know what happened o but Oga if all these injuries inflicted on your wife was not in self-defense to a life-threatening situation then you are a wild beast and your place is in the jungle

    If a wife slaps her husband, it shouldn’t still warrant this level of violence…wives/babes that doesn’t mean you should ever and incessantly hit your husband …he just might not appeal to his sense of chivalry and hit you back…no violence please

    • Gina

      March 15, 2017 at 9:56 am

      Interesting…you’re actually being gender neutral and making a whole load of sense in your comment.

      Long may it last Beardie…loooong may it last.

  23. Max

    March 15, 2017 at 9:59 am

    These are perilous times,the devil is after marriages.

    • Padre

      March 15, 2017 at 10:04 am

      No.

      These “perilous times” have been happening since forever.
      Grandpas have been beating up grandmas.
      Daddies have been beating up mummies.
      Social media is just bringing it all to the fore.

    • BlueEyed

      March 15, 2017 at 10:16 am

      Thank you! @ Padre
      Nigerians and their “end times” “perilous times” nonsense….these types of foolishness has been in existence for years, new media and social advancement per generation, are only bringing these issues to lime light

    • Asa

      March 15, 2017 at 10:31 am

      I don’t agree! I believe our Fathers made better husbands! I never ever saw my dad raise a hand to hit my Mum! Never ever! And he was about 14 years older than her. Do you know that in my town, when a girl was married off, the youths of that umunna were mandated to ensure that her husband never ever maltreated her. If her husband ever beat her, the youths from her umunna would dish out the same punishment to him. For this reason, parents were keen for their daughters to marry from neighboring villages were they could have their eyes on them. Fathers back then were good to the wives they married and respected the mother of their children.

      Now, this is not the case, men don’t know how to command respect by being man and are beginning to feel emasculated which is why they resort to beating defenseless women. If not tell me how a muscled man can beat this fragile looking woman till blood comes out and still want to beat her more. Abi the man dey mad?

      Our Fathers made better husbands. They protected their wives which is why community could oppress women only after they had become widows and not before.

    • Ld

      March 15, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      Social media is not bringing out to the fore Nigérian women are finally finding their voice and realising a wedding band is not everything ,that money is not everything, that a marriage is about love not what he gives!

    • Trina

      March 15, 2017 at 1:48 pm

      @Asa

      Oh please! You think because you lived in a bubble, then the rest of the horrible DV cases in those days didn’t exist?

      Just like you have your nice stories, I can tell you mine. Seeing my mum unconscious several times over, my dad’s brothers laughing and joining to insult her?
      My 2 closest friends in primary school then used to share stories of their mums receiving frequent beat downs. My mum’s brother (a Pastor) also beat his wife at every opportunity.
      I guess we can just say I was exposed to the horrors and you fortunately weren’t.

      But it’s not for you to generalize and say that things were better then. They definitely weren’t for A LOT of people.

    • A Real Nigerian

      March 15, 2017 at 10:16 am

      Instead of you to condemn these shameless, cruel men for who they are, you’re blaming it on the devil. What devil?
      I guess this is another way to give men a free pass.

    • Chief

      March 15, 2017 at 11:16 am

      @A Real Nigerian……I suggest you stop making broad generalization based on what one experience with one man or few men from your past.Your characterizations of men are among most odious and stratospherically out of touch with reality on this blog,post after post.You vilify,condemn,berate,malign,and you wannabe Chimamanda denigrate men.You and cadre of chronic malcontents who vomit up vile sputum of misandry on this blog,day after day,week after week,month after month,have no concept of how offensive and disrespectful your comments are not only to men but to other more intelligent and respectful mature men

      I don’t condone violence of any type,any gender(MALE OR FEMALE).I don’t support violence against women but do you know what happened behind the scene? Do you know what triggered to this incident? Do you if she provoked or verbally abused him? Do you know if she was the person that initiated violence first? Why are you demonizing every man?

    • Fisayo

      March 15, 2017 at 11:29 am

      And here we go again with the Chief of Idiocy.

      You said A Real Nigerian’s comments are offensive and disrespectful to “more intelligent and respectful mature men”?

      I just hope you know you DO NOT fall under that category. Going by the comments you typically make here, you Sir, are a bad man.
      A very, very bad man.

  24. word

    March 15, 2017 at 10:02 am

    Ajoke, God will bless u for speaking up o! Thank u for not keeping quiet, this could save a life – even though we know that one unfortunate fellow will read this and still date/marry this BOY. BNaijarians, may monsters like this never be our portion or the portion of our sisters and daughters. May God keep evil far from Ajoke and her son and may her healing be complete.

  25. t.t

    March 15, 2017 at 10:19 am

    For the person who commented that why dont they report to the police….naija police????Well,for your info,2 cases I know got to the police…a SIL had been hit with the heel of her own shoe by her hubby,bleeding and all she went to the police station to report ,the men told her it was a marital issue and they should go and settle it. at home…maybe the hubby had tipped them,we dont know.Case 2,a friend who was also having Dv issues had run to the police….but was taken aback when one of the men sneered and asked,wetin u sef do??u mean say he just be u like this?because e be like say u get sharp mouth.Are those the kind of people that will have your back in situations like this??

    • Marian

      March 15, 2017 at 10:34 am

      Obviously we have a lot of incompetent officers in Naija and that’s why it’s important to know your rights and the resources that are available to you.

      If the officer is not willing to help which i belive is illegal then find another station to file your report.

      Did a google search now for domestic violence help in lagos and got the info below:

      Call the lines below:
      Federal Government of Nigeria Toll Free Number for Violation of Girls and Women – 080072732255

      CHELD Domestic Violence Helplines – 0810 757 2829; 0813 164 3208

      Project Alert – 234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072

  26. I love my husband

    March 15, 2017 at 10:19 am

    This is sad, woman Im sorry for what you went through, no one should be beaten, man or woman, if the couple is not pleased, please leave each other rather than staying to be beaten or being the abuser. No to domestic violence on both men and women. On the other hand, I think women need to be more careful on how they chose who to marry, I said women because when it comes to physical strength , most men are stronger and if you therefore marry the wrong person, he will use the physical strength to over power you. Many of the marriages we see today especially amongst celebrities, are as a result of wrong choices, and the women knew they were wrong choices before saying “I do”. Toke married a man that stood her up at the registry 3 times, a man that had a girlfriend, a man that treated you like second class even while you were dating him..you don’t need a preacher to tell you that man is not a husband material, same with Tonto and Tiwa and many others, women are too materialistic and sentimental, you marry a man because he drives a range, he has money, he takes you on vacation to Dubai and Bahamas while dating…Pls focus on a mans character, content and most importantly his love and fear of God, scripture says, it is the fear of God in a man that makes him shun evil, no matter how beautiful you are as a woman, it doesn’t guarantee that a man will not cheat on you or treat you badly, it is only the fear of God in him that will keep constraining him. Pls look out for content, not just money or fame or nice clothes or vacation trips. Is he kind, is he patient, does he have self control…etc. Does he submit to God, does he have people he submit to….and so on…

    Many times the signs are there, just that women ignore the signs because they are blinded by the material things they are getting from the man during courtship.. Women, stop putting yourselves in a situation like this, make the right choices, and also walk with God, learn how to hear God, I believe God leads his own to make right choices but if you have not practiced hearing God in little things, how can you hear him on big issues like who to marry. Walk with God, its not just about posting bible passages on Instagram, seek to know God and let him lead you, And stop loving blindly, shine your eyes and watch out for signs. Marriage is hardwork but its fulfilling and enjoyable if you marry right. I’ve been married for only 5 years, I know its still short but I believe we are on our way to 50 years together, its a lot of work to make marriage work but its easier when you are with a good man that loves you and loves God, we have our disagreements, but we work through it together and I am so happy, so there are good marriages out there, marriage was ordained by God and its meant to be a blessing, don’t be carried away with the many failed marriages, focus on God, on what’s important and you will get it right. If we get it right as women, we will leave the abusive men to stay single for life.

    • Puzzles

      March 15, 2017 at 10:33 am

      For your information, there are victims of domestic violence who are married to men who do not have bentley or take them to vacations. Some women are even the primary providers of their home but are abused by their husbands.

      There are also men who are victims of domestic violence.

      in other words, irrespective of your partner’s financial status, shine your eyes

    • #Proudnigerian

      March 15, 2017 at 10:46 am

      But truth be told many women let emotions cloud their judgement. This man is an animallllll! Somebody that bore a child for you choi I argued with a friend the other day who said some women provoke the men to hit them no matter tge provocation no man I repeat no man should ever put his hand on a lady . The day you hit her you are no longer a man. Tueh! double tueh for this man. The police should pick him up oniranu!

    • Sammy

      March 15, 2017 at 10:52 am

      Gud point, but this ladies knows all this and yet they chose to go with ready made man with the hope their prayers will change him for good unknowing to them that a man with evil heart will surely take years and that is if the lady/woman is a “PRAYER WARRIOR”….open your eyes b4 saying I DO

    • Pearl

      March 15, 2017 at 11:57 am

      I love my husband God bless u for dis trurh.say it aloud. Gurls will never learn. Dey ar too cheap lusting after material things. Now dats d result lack of respect from d hubby. May God help us

  27. Mawi

    March 15, 2017 at 10:23 am

    I have worked in the service industry and from my experience, I have realised that so many people (in Nigeria) are suffering from mental illnesses. I don’t know if the fundamental causes are spiritual sef because, how else can u explain something like this? How? Let’s even assume ur temper is on a short leash. The person is bleeding and u go on and on? Your own wife? And nobody is able to stop you? What kind of anger is that? What can anyone possibly do to trigger such rage? This is so illogical. This is pure madness fuelled by some kind of dark force. There’s no other explanation. Thank God she left when she did. This is death. This is demonic.

    • Your resident Physician

      March 15, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      Not dark forces love…..a lot of Nigerians suffer from Untreated intermittent Explosive Disorder/ Bipolar Disorder; Manic episodes is what you see when they present with unexplained bizarre, aggressive behaviors. I have said it before and will say it again…..insanity runs rampant amongst Nigerians and a lot of them should be on medication for their erratic mood swings. Sadly if the person isn’t walking the street half naked or talking gibberish, they are rarely referred to a Psychiatric hospital for clinic.

      Mental illness is real…..its no laughing matter, be smart when picking partners ( u don’t want to procreate with a deranged person and most mental illnesses are hereditary) and if u feel u married a nutjob, I suggest u cop a glock or sleep with a knife under your pillow but I think getting a divorce might be easier.

    • Mawi

      March 15, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Yup yup! I’m no expert in psychology but after 4years dealing directly with people from different spheres of life, I realised that indeed, many are mad with only a few roaming. And u are spot on with the unexplainable, erratic aggressive behaviors. Na real wa

  28. me to you

    March 15, 2017 at 10:31 am

    ah thank God for Tonto video so many women are having courage to speak out. DM is real o

  29. Sil

    March 15, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Thank God you are alive……. Where is Vanessa Willie (yes I have to do this) to come and tell us women should “just move on”. It is well with us….

    I hope women who are in this find the strength to leave (not necessary divorce just leave and live), to the single women that better choices are made. To our dear men, y’all don’t know what we will do for you all. we only hope some of you be better.

  30. Marian

    March 15, 2017 at 10:40 am

    http://domesticviolence.com.ng/help-for-domestic-violence/
    (Info from the website above)

    Several sources of help for persons in domestic violence situations are provided below. These sources are updated as often as possible.
    Helplines: For information or help in domestic abuse situations

    Call the lines below:
    Federal Government of Nigeria Toll Free Number for Violation of Girls and Women – 080072732255

    CHELD Domestic Violence Helplines – 0810 757 2829; 0813 164 3208
    Project Alert – 234-1-8209387; 08052004698; 08180091072

    Police: The Police in Nigeria are one of the avenues of receiving help in issues of domestic violence. They are often more effective when the harm done is of a grievous nature, including in situations of murder and assault which results in hospitalisations. However, there are many limitations. Although several organisations in Nigeria are working to improve the sensitivity of the police to domestic violence issues, and the need to enforce relevant laws, much remains to be done in this respect. There is often a tendency to label domestic violence issues a “family affair” with victims encouraged to resolve things within the family. Corruption also remains a major problem. It is important to bear these issues in mind as one proceeds to determine how to deal with a domestic violence situation.

    Counselling Services and Support: Many organisations listed in the Organisations page offer counselling as part of their services, formally and informally.

    WelfareCentres: These centres typically work to provide support to victims of different kinds of abuse, including domestic abuse. Some of their work includes assisting women to receive support from their spouses for the upkeep of children where a separation has occurred. Corruption can be an issue here also. Stories have been related by women who had their children taken away by welfare centres on less than reasonable grounds. In most of those cases, suspicions existed of a corrupted process.
    Legal Support: Please see our Legal Support page for organisations focused on providing legal assistance.

    Organisations
    Below, you will find a list of organisations that provide information, help, and assistance in cases of domestic abuse and violence. Several government and non-governmental organisations are working to ensure justice for victims and survivors through the provision of legal assistance, educating judicial and law enforcement, creating more widespread awareness creation of the problems and impacts of domestic violence, counselling for the survivors, counselling for the children of victims and survivors, material support for survivors, establishment of shelters and the establishment of anger management programmes.Information about such organisations and links to their websites where available are provided below. Such organisations are listed below. Although they may provide some help, faith-based organisations are not included here.

    Various Women Affairs Ministries at the State and Federal levels
    Centre for Health Ethics Law and Development
    Project Alert on Violence against Women
    WRAPA
    WACOL
    BAOBAB on Human Rights – Tel: 234 1 4747931, 01-8980834, Tel/Fax: 234 1 4962302, Mobile: 234 (0) 802 333 0981 Emails:[email protected]; [email protected]

    Media Concern Initiative (Child Sexual Abuse) – 13 Anthony Otti Street
    By Bolthine International Schools
    Off Akingbade Street, Baba Ijesha B/stop
    Aboru, IyanaIpaja
    Lagos, Nigeria.
    Telephone Numbers: 01-8944915; 080-2333-1036; 080-5820-7164; 080-9952-2487
    Email: [email protected]; [email protected]

    WellBeing Foundation Nigeria
    http://www.wbfafrica.org/

    Legal Support
    There are various avenues of legal support. On this page, you will find information about organisations that provide legal support, including legal advice, law practitioners working in the areas of domestic violence, legal organisations, and legal funds. You will also find a compendium of legislation related to domestic violence and related concerns.

    Legal Organisations
    Abuja Family Law Clinic – 4B Oyo Street, Area 2, Garki, Abuja; http://www.lesleyagams.com; 0809 11
    WRAPA
    Legislation
    Cross Rivers State
    Ebonyi State
    Ekiti State – Gender-based Violence Prohibition Law, 2011
    Lagos State – Prohibition Against Domestic Violence Law
    Criminal Code

    Shelters
    Several of the organisations listed on the Organisations page, have shelters in which persons affected by domestic violence can take refuge. A few state governments have shelters also.
    Some organisations and governments and the general locations of the shelters:
    Lagos State – Lagos
    Project Alert – Lagos
    WACOL – Enugu
    The specific addresses of these shelters are kept secret for the safety and well-being of the persons they cater for. If you are considering leaving and are in need of a safe place, please contact organisations on the Organisation page.

    • Lee

      March 15, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      Where is tow line for men in domestic relationships? abi men don’t suffer any?

  31. 2..kup

    March 15, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Sorry beautiful nigerians ladies, until u gals start looking at the soul content of nigerian men n not stop admiring deir high friends, money, connections n family’s names…. In the name of love n marriage. Dis una domestic reggae nor go end.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 15, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      Your advice would have been excellent if we didn’t also see numerous cases of men in low financial standing also beating the heck out of their wives.

      I’ve had a driver whose wife came to me secretly to ask for help. She had injuries inflicted by her husband (my driver) that made me cry.

      My Uncle in the village can barely fend for himself, the little money he makes goes to getting drunk on local gin and then going home to use his wife for some punching bag amusement.

      I have several other examples.

      So no, your advise does not quite cut it.

    • reason

      March 15, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      be deceiving yourself there….keep looking for a yahoo boy that will panel beat you like this person….you are his doormat cos you didnt contribute anything to his wealth…so you have no say

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      March 15, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      @reason, if you persist in this sort of intense idiocy, I’m afraid that one day the final few functional brain cells you’re still fortunate enough to have, may just shut down from pure strain.

      She’s married. And if she wanted to “keep” her husband, she can afford to. Your completely (completely!) retarded comeback is moot… but, at least, useful enough to help us understand the vastness of the wasteland currently lying between your ears.

      And the ridiculousness of your response (i.e. So, making the argument that abuse can be found in all homes – regardless of social class – equates to “looking for a yahoo boy”? What an unfortunate dimwit).

      Pardon my vitriol. I just truly detest all manifestations of stupidity.

    • Idomagirl

      March 15, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      Yes because only rich men beat their wives.
      SMH….

  32. Carina

    March 15, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Marriage is not compulsory.
    Men should come out too.
    Women coming out makes me think all men are violent.

  33. Anon.

    March 15, 2017 at 10:53 am

    Small boyz getting married forming they are Men. Am glad she was able to walk away alive…so many dont get the chance to tell their story. Sometimes we see the signs but ignore.
    I once had a guy who attempted to hit me just because we had an argument and i said i was not staying for the weekend at his place, eventually i did after he locked me up but later begged me. once he dropped me off at home i never came back..Today he is a pastor in a big church. it beats my imagination but iI hope he has really changed for good.

    • reason

      March 15, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      why are you spying on him? you people have left each other…move on with your life…haba! He is a pastor somewhere? and so what? beats your imagination…as if you holy pass…shift jo

      Small boys getting married? are d girls not small? d ones with fish brain wey never develop….As much as dv is evil, the high rate of it is alarming. We need to go back to the drawing board. It wasnt a smuch as this then. hope it is not the feminist school of thought that has caused this all in the name of liberation….i mean i meet a girl today, we havent even talked about outing, dating or anything…you are already saying you cannot cook o. Who asked you? Who is interested in your shit cook? No more morals anywhere…but she wants 500k iphone.. You people have missed it…i fear it might continue like this

    • Krasavitsa

      March 15, 2017 at 6:33 pm

      Uncle (because I honestly doubt you’re a woman), so in your brilliant mind feminism is the reason for the increased rate of DV. If women asking to be treated as humans is the reason a man will unleash his inner animal then, something is seriously wrong with said man’s thinking. Just so you know, the rate of DV didn’t rise – women are tired of taking shit from men and are using SM to expose them. My mum is a victim. I’m almost 30 now and I remember the first time I saw my dad beating her ; I was about 4 years old. You know what she told me the next day as she dropped me off at school? “Don’t tell your teacher or your classmates you saw your parents fighting”. Women of old covered up their husband’s animalistic tendencies. They believed in “for better for worse” literally which was the death of some of them. So oga (again there’s no way you’re a woman), the rate didn’t increase – the exposure did. There’s something inherently wrong with most Nigerian men. Their egos are so huge yet so fragile. Parents honestly need to do better in raising the male child and no that foston animal isn’t possessed, he’s a criminal that deserves to be behind bars.

  34. lill

    March 15, 2017 at 10:55 am

    This is evidence not the one tonto dike and muma gee called celebrity photographer to snap. i pray y’all heal. domestic violence is real and its good we are speaking about it.

    • FasholasLover

      March 15, 2017 at 11:21 am

      That is uncharitable. If you have nothing positive to say, ever heard of keeping quiet?

  35. ochy

    March 15, 2017 at 10:57 am

    See his house head…ugly rascal. Women, please and please,learn to value yourselves. U r beautifully and wonderfully made. A priceless jewel.nobody on the surface of this earth can be like you. You are unique and special. Created for signs and wonders and there is absolutely nothing, u can’t achieve if you believe in your dreams. Don’t enter a union for the wrong reasons .don’t ever think u can cope or manage one bloody fool. Shud u Eva detect the signs. Please leave!!! Your happiness and sanity of mind is Paramount to making the world a better place.love,love,love above all love yourselves and you wud be able to reciprocate and know what a relationship entails b4 u enter one…peace#

  36. Mrs. S-O

    March 15, 2017 at 11:02 am

    God have mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember their prewedding pictures on BN last year, they looked so beautiful and in love! WTH is this man?! The world has gone crazy yo! i cant even deal! https://www.facebook.com/BellaNaijaWeddings/photos/a.535136213174345.119821.525273517493948/1055623447792283/?type=3&permPage=1

  37. Rachel

    March 15, 2017 at 11:09 am

    I salute ur courage mam, God bless u real good for encouraging women. Women pls speak up before u loss it all n these monsters will still go ahead n marry or date another beautiful woman just becus they want the world to believe they can have as many as dey want. Mtcheeww boys in men’s clothes who don’t even deserve to be a father. Kind of afraid to get married sef, all this story of rich women suffering from domestic violence… What will happen to those poor women who are afraid to start all over again? God please have mercy.

  38. Halle

    March 15, 2017 at 11:14 am

    Oh my days! I remember these people from their wedding that was highly publicized (please I mean no shade at all)
    I was super excited for them and their journey to marriage…. That they got married even though they had a child before marriage, that they worked things out and got together. It was an inspiration for me especially in this our Nigerian judgmental society that we live in.
    Nevertheless, Ajoke Super Kudos to you for standing up and realizing you can move beyond your past. No woman was created to be beaten, it messes with your head and esteem in ways one cannot imagine.
    Keep being strong hun… Please if you ever need to talk… or vent… let me know
    Thousand of hugs and biggger hugs

    • Bey

      March 15, 2017 at 11:32 am

      Thank you.
      Its like iv even seen this couple on Bellanaija before, they look so familiar or was it another blog.
      I was even admiring the fact the couple look so young and taking the bold step into marriage, especially the guy. Not knowing na demon I dey admire.

    • kemmmie

      March 15, 2017 at 12:58 pm

      Yes, their prewedding pictures was featured on bellanaija last year. Google “It all goes down in the DM” bellanaija. They looked so beautiful together, Sad to see it all end in misery.

    • ruby

      March 15, 2017 at 3:00 pm

      BN has pulled it down, i just checked.

    • bolintin

      March 15, 2017 at 3:42 pm

      Is there something about bella naija couple or its just my imagination telling me they always end up somehow despite the larger than life event?

      anywayz bella naija please make all your wedding story tellers sign an agreement that they will grant you an interview 2-3years down the line on their survival strategies. we dont just want to see the monies being spent we want to know whatz up after the show off.

    • reason

      March 15, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      BN like to hype people and weddings. They will carry the story of yahoo boys but not that of an ordinary Nigeria. They quickly deleted the post. Shame on you BN

  39. jinkelele

    March 15, 2017 at 11:14 am

    That’s the thing àbout anger….sigh.When You open the door and the Devil comes in he brings the party with him then anger turns to Rage. Rage is a demon, turns you to one who has the power of 5ppl. It’s a crazy thing to see happen when grown men can’t even keep one man down when He’s beating his victim. And after raising Hell the perpetrator wiĺl act like he didn’t do all that damage.

    That rage will turn him into a murderer, that man needs help….He’ll kill someone one day

  40. onyii

    March 15, 2017 at 11:22 am

    i see these things and fall in love with my husband over and over again, Some men are really from the pit of hell….

  41. Marks

    March 15, 2017 at 11:26 am

    What do these yahoo and 419 boys enjoy about beating their wives?

    • reason

      March 15, 2017 at 4:16 pm

      because the girls went to chop free money, free range rover and free bentley without working for it….like Tboss(prouldy saying her toasters have private jets…how about her having it herself) since they never contributed anything, the yahoo boys see them as doormats…..reason why all of you looking for rich made men should think before going into it

  42. lill

    March 15, 2017 at 11:29 am

    @fasholalover i can see you have positive things to say. or you came just to read comments. ko le werk

  43. Bey

    March 15, 2017 at 11:48 am

    And I just went looking for their wedding story, cant find it again.
    I’m assuming there’s something wrong with my internet and the post wasn’t pulled.

    • kemmmie

      March 15, 2017 at 1:00 pm

      Google “It goes down in the DM” bellanaija.

    • Dee

      March 15, 2017 at 1:48 pm

      I think BN has taken down that page.

  44. ij

    March 15, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    i just dont even know whats going on anymore, the families from whence these women come from nko? are they alive and someone. some beast will be abusing their sisters/daughters like this ? i would like to think that my dad or my brothers , in fact family in general will not stand for any abuse against me.

    i mean is anyone fighting for these sisters in the absence of support from the law or is this a hopeless situation where all they are getting is our sympathies and prayers?

    • Miss_Flygerian

      March 15, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      Exactly. I wonder if they don’t have family members who can stand up for them. My dad and my brothers are ready to teach a lesson to the man who as much as conceives the notion of abusing me in any way. I’m the only daughter anyway so they take my matter quite personal.

  45. PH Boy

    March 15, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    I see this trend getting worse and our society is to be blamed. I have seen how kids are being raised these days and this is what it boils down to. The generation of folks that raised this fool facilitated this malady. Any child that was raised well will never turn into this kind of monster.
    Only a carnivore will see blood and still continue. A complete animal!!!
    I hope he rots in jail.

  46. x-factor

    March 15, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    this is just SAD!!!

  47. slice

    March 15, 2017 at 12:32 pm

    Shut up. There’s always one idiot thinking like this

  48. john

    March 15, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    all I know is that there is no smole with out fire.Will wait to hear the ex husband version ..I will never believe a women version of event untill I hear from both sides bvos It has ruin alot of people ..the only thing I can deduce from all her rants and insults is that she is not an easy person to live with in the first place.

    • i must talk

      March 15, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      @John, your statement ‘ she is not an easy person to live with in the first place’ shows how badly your mother was beaten by your father before she had you…omo ale rada rada!!!

    • Papermoon

      March 15, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      I was hoping you would disappoint me today but…….hhhmm

  49. peace

    March 15, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    It’s not nice to read such stories, but it’s the reality of the world we live in today. it takes two to argue.
    And am not picking any sides, but no man in his normal frame of mind will just get angry and start throwing blows to any woman, especially his wife or girlfriend.
    If he really wanted to kill you, girl you would be dead!
    90% Men have the psychical strength to kill there partner’s if they really wanted too, some women have also killed men. And most men that are violent in relationship are the ones that love you the most, do your research.
    You can’t just post a picture, whilst you’re on the floor bleeding calling your husband a monster, and playing the victim, you must have triggered that anger!
    It’s easy to run your mouth on men, but be careful some guys will lose their cool and beat you for that insult that was sweet to come out your mouth when you were trying to be little him.
    There are two types of abuse, psychical and verbal… Now women have mouth and can tear most men to shreds with just some few words, were as men can’t talk that good.
    What do you women expect when you get angry and start insulting or treating him like shit? for guys to stand there and start trading insults with you! LOL

    My Advice…
    Words are very powerful, choose them wisely and get your point across not to stir up strife, but to calm things down, so you can resolve the situation and then move forward as a team.
    Am sure your dad slapped your mum at some point in her life and as time went they understood each other.
    And if you feel your innocent then leave the toxic environment. Relationship is WORK… there are good men, but there are also bad women…

    • Krasavitsa

      March 15, 2017 at 6:42 pm

      “”You can’t just post a picture, whilst you’re on the floor bleeding calling your husband a monster, and playing the victim, you must have triggered that anger!””

      I’ve just one question for you : Why don’t such men, whose anger was triggered, beat their annoying bosses Or other men on the road and draw blood?

  50. Adesire

    March 15, 2017 at 1:16 pm

    Hmmmmm report to police or call helplines which of the helplines work when it rings do they pick, when they pick do they help. You are on your own in Nigeria. I remember my case with my ex husband for 5 years I endured the bast****d, his mum will come with pathetic stories of how his dad did same. This particular incident he asked me to kneel down over a slight argument I tried to excuse myself from the room he quickly locked the door then I refused that I am not his maid and if it takes my last strength to reject that I will. Olboy see hot slaps, belting I went to the police they just counseled even saw the DPO no action was taken they said it’s husband and wife issue. Went to OPD was told the police was supposed to press the charges. Just had to resort to fate and move on cos the stress was draining then if you push further you think of the trauma and stigma on your child later if his dad is imprisoned best thing move on. He afterwards even moved out. Thank God I have my work and more women n friends who we’re supportive around than the ones who will want to scorn you.

    Based on that I made a personal pledge to God to help me raise my son to be the most perfect gentleman ever lived. Women if you are in a dv relationship cry out pls been single or a single mother is not a stigma don’t lose your life cost of a man who isn’t worth it. 3months we have been living apart now and I am living my life fulfilling my purpose no man getting my life worked up.
    Now hes calling everyday begging for us to come back, like seriously. Nigerian men taking women for a fool since 1900

  51. LisaO

    March 15, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    I have never seen my dad raise his hand on my mum. My dad has never hit his girls – he however beat the day-light out of my brother anytime my brother hit any of his three girls. It turned my brother into a coward and once we the girls ganged up to beat the day-light out of him for daring to hit one of us. He almost passed out – it scared us.

    Since then, we’ve never had a fight. My brother has dated girls but has never hit any of them. I know because we are a close family. His last girlfriend – he used to raise his voice on her and whenever he told us – we would scold him – he started working on his temper.

    My sister on the other hand -once hit her ex.

    Morale: Train a child the way he/she should grow – he/she won’t depart from it.

    My dad got it wrong at some point. Guys need protection, just as girls do.

  52. Hey

    March 15, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    “no smoke without fire indeed”???? Nothing should make someone beat up anybody. If that person didn’t physically touch you, you shouldn’t touch the person. If na insult, insult back. If na nag, feel free to nag back if you want. If them steal from you steal back or better yet call police but abeg no touch person if person no touch you na there my hand no dey. All this people that say “they provoked me” maybe by insult or nagging you fit insult or nag back or you walk away it’s allowed but no go beat person oh. Every day we are provoked in one way or the other eg bosses, naija customer service(the worst) , police and their checkpoints , parents(family) , market sellers, area boys, colleagues and so on some of these people push us to the edge but we don’t beat them up highest we do is to shout, for some we ignore, some we give silent treatment and sulk. If everyone acts out nobody go remain for this earth again cuz we will kill ourselves. Abeg make una take am sofri sofri take am jeje. ✌

  53. Bukola

    March 15, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    To all of you asking what she must have done…… What offence could have made him do this to her…. You people should fear God ooo. What is wrong is wrong…. No to domestic violence

    • Yeye

      March 15, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Sorry, no vex but aside from John the constant f*cktard, who else has asked what she must have done?

  54. Hey

    March 15, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    But guilty conscience strong oh see how the guy go all suspicious when someone mentioned DV. If him way pure he no go dey talk like that for dm. Oh well.

  55. Anonymous

    March 15, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    he is a devil incarnate

  56. Anonymous

    March 15, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    wow

  57. Anonymous

    March 15, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    www

  58. cheeky

    March 15, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    …and now the wife beater wanna be an inspirational speaker too! even if there are two sides to a story, its so obvious that the person who commented as hayoxy knows the guy is a wife beater.,.

  59. Lacey

    March 15, 2017 at 2:17 pm

    All you Nigerian girls that meets a man and the next thing , you go and meet one baba to tie the man for you, women must prayerfully marry!!! Because if you force a man’s spirit that is not your destined husband to marry you!!! My dear devil does not give anything for free !!! The woman will receive serious beating!!! Because the trend I am seeing with this Ladies in domestic violence ,most times is , they don’t want to earn for themselves!!! Always looking for a man to fend for you!!! I empathize with this Lady, but what has Range Rover and Bentley got to do with her story!!! You move on with your life and let man move on to another woman who can manage him!!!

    • Idomagirl

      March 15, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      You need to quit with pushing this narrative that only women married to rich men are battered.
      Do you know how many women who are breadwinners are battered?
      Una see Range Rover begin misyarn.
      This barbarism exists across all socio-economic levels, because our culture and society has normalized this violence.

    • Lacey

      March 15, 2017 at 9:54 pm

      @ Idoma girl you must be sick in your head and your mind!!! It’s my opinion!!! Whatever shitty opinion you have is your business!!!

  60. fancynancy

    March 15, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    I’m curious, what do domestic violence organisations do?Help clean your wounds and say sorry or converge, storm the man’s house and beat him up/teach him a lesson? cuz honestly you advice a woman not to go back to her husband who abused her, will you provide funds to take care of her and her kids? and helping her heal emotionally does not stop the abuser from abusing another woman . so i really need to know what their role is. Left to me, your husband abuses you , this is where your family comes in. Brothers, nephews, uncles,gather and beat him up, he wont try it again. simple

  61. adeanon

    March 15, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    David, I agree there are good men out there, but it’s not always right to say the signs are there with the bad ones. I was fooled completely until 2 years into the marriage

  62. Simplymeana

    March 15, 2017 at 4:04 pm

    okay dis is a really bad scene bhett wait o my ppl, im begining to suspect this marriage tin dats not working dese days is a sponsored something maybe somehow somehow oyinbo ppl dont want us to marry again and become lesbians and gay because im not understanding…..on a more serious note this domestic violence is gettin too much biko

    • Idomagirl

      March 15, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      Did domestic violence start this decade?
      Abeg.

  63. shior

    March 15, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    Our Love Story, from the bride, Ajoke

    I wanted to share our story – to reinforce the fact that love can be found anywhere and contrary to popular belief “social media love” is not “unserious love”. As you’ve probably guessed by now I met my fiancé on Instagram.

    After exchanging some DMs I agreed to give him my phone number. He was out of the country on holiday at the time, but we had some real nice daily conversations over the phone during his absence. The day he was due to arrive he called & was like I really wanna meet you so I’m gonna come see you straight from the airport! So we met over drinks and for some reason when he asked me to accompany him to inspect a new house completed in his absence that he was anxious to see that night I agreed; partly because I’m in the construction field but mainly because strangely, I trusted him!

    And I was right to, we were supposed to spend mere minutes at the house but we ended up spending the whole night talking, about everything, it was like we had known each other for years, it was magical! Fast forward two years, I was in my finals and we were pregnant – we made the choice to keep the baby amidst fire and brimstone from my dad and school & he held my hand through it all. I love this man so much it’s ridiculous! He is my best friend. An answer to a prayer I never even knew I said. He is not the most romantic guy in the world, but he tries and puts in a daily effort to make me happy and make our relationship better than it was the day before, and for this reason I know I’m marrying the right person.

    Living & Celebrating the African Dream!

  64. josdaily

    March 15, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    You are a brave soul. . Has the abuse stopped?
    This seems to be common place and keeping quite encourages the perps to continue dishing out the abuse. This has happened to my sister and niece. They both had to liberate themselves from the situation. I don’t understand why victims stay. Yes, abusers are very good at apologizing and begging. Once you acquiesce you start paving a way to being maimed if you are lucky or being murdered by your spouse. (Applys to both men and women).

    Always better to walk and keep walking, don’t look back. Ofcourse, file charges against the individual …

  65. Amiik

    March 15, 2017 at 6:55 pm

    Whatever transpired btw u two..im still strongly against domestic violence….i ll definitely teach my sons how to treat a woman…like a queen….

  66. OA

    March 15, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Hmm na wah oh! There was a time it was obvious the devil was doing overtime in my marriage and my husband and I would fight so tey. (This was very early in our marriage). It was argument first, then it became physical as I would just start throwing anything I could lay my hands on at him, but the day my husband pushed me…ordinary push oh, and my arm almost came out of the socket, I was like hehn, na so easily people become maimed? As if that was not enough, one time he was driving and I hit him and he hit me back. Mehn, I saw lightning followed by Jupiter, Saturn, and Venus at the same time. After that, common sense took over ni straight. First, I realized I had the anger problem, second, I had a heart-to-heart and explained that even if I do something to annoy you by being physical, you ARE the man, you are NOT allowed to touch me. Being that I am so small, you can easily kill me oh, and my blood will be on your head for life! After that, and that was many years ago, we have never been in that predicament.

    Now when we argue, I just walk away because my husband likes to talk and I have realized he will NOT waka, so I have learned to do the honors. Else, it just becomes two people bickering and arguing like fools. And then you will start throwing jabs and shade and angering each other even more. So, I just waka. End of story. By the time I return, he will be the one to apologize. One time, we were in the car traveling, and the argument was getting hot. So at the first traffic light on a long stretch of road, I just got out of the car and started walking. Come and see begging! It was way more therapeutic for me to take that hike (literally), than be in some enclosed space and we are both yelling and screaming at each other.

    • john

      March 16, 2017 at 6:55 am

      OA you ARE the man, you are NOT allowed to touch me…..my friend, no one is allowed to hit anyone whether ure a man or a woman or a housemaid…it is time women should start telling themselves the truth even though I have to commend you for knowing your fault and working on it ,atleast ure not a hypocrite like the women commenting on this blog who behave as if they dont do anything and the man man suddenly woke up and stay beating them. is funny you wont see this huge type of comments in an article about a woman beating her hoisemaid..u won’t see any comment

  67. Josephine

    March 15, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Ajoke, thank God for your life and your wounds will heal. Don’t worry. You’ll be just fine and raise a good boy who will make you proud. God bless you.

  68. THE WAY FORWARD

    March 16, 2017 at 2:00 am

    Does Nigeria have a Minister of Women”s Affairs? I do not know because I’m not Nigerian. In my country there is one and one of the objectives is to deal with domestic issues such as Domestic violence, father’s who do not contribute to the welfare of their children financially etc. Given the rising frequency of these DV cases, something like this should be put in place. If the government is not doing so, there are a lot of strong, successful women who have a strong voice in Nigeria e.g Toyin Saraki, Amina Mohammed, Ngozi Okonjo or I dare say anyone else with the passion,will and means (this is how NGO’s are born) to do it. Since police men allegedly do not help when DV victims run to them, these victims should have a place where they are sure to be heard and helped. This will reduce the number of deaths from DV and potential abusers will think twice before engaging in this barbaric act if they know that there’s the possibility of them suffering as a result, because let’s face it, MOST OF THESE ABUSERS ENGAGE IN THIS BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH IT. This is so so sad. May God bless all the good men out there and protect us the wild animals

  69. THE WAY FORWARD

    March 16, 2017 at 2:01 am

    *** from the wild animals

  70. linda

    March 16, 2017 at 3:18 am

    What the fk is wrong with you yoruba men and domestic violence
    I mean its not just yoruba men but cmon mehn – be truthful to yourself, most statistics of domestic abuse is MOSTLY yoruba men.

    Weak Ass loosers

    • .....just saying

      March 16, 2017 at 8:24 am

      Does Foston Utomi sound YOruba to you? Msceeew

    • madman

      March 16, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Even does the shape of his head look yoruba to you. LoooL

  71. .....just saying

    March 16, 2017 at 8:23 am

    “I wanted to share our story – to reinforce the fact that love can be found anywhere and contrary to popular belief “social media love” is not “unserious love”. As you’ve probably guessed by now I met my fiancé on Instagram.”

    These were Ajoke’s words on BN several months ago. Guys please be careful of these social media love stories

  72. ij

    March 16, 2017 at 10:57 am

    i mean this is becoming a trend , a very bad trend, parents need to once again become more involved in their children’s choice of life partners, cant just turn up and announce that you are getting married and i will just say oh God has done it , oya lets plan wedding ,

    You will be vetted, i will make it very difficult for you oh, you will jump hurdles, you will answer questions, if you are too proud bye bye, this is the fruit of my womb we are talking about here, not a dog of the streets.

    Before the wedding, a friend of mine’s dad went as far as showing the fiance of my friend print outs of pictures of abused women during a very serious heart to heart in which he made very clear what will happen if he as much as lays a finger on my friend , some people will say he has time , but this is his baby we are talking about , needless to say it was a very uncomfortable discussion but it needed to happen, because sons of bitches be thinking they can just assault women left right and centre and go scot free.

    Parents need to become nosey , talk to their daughters/sons about whats going on and what could happen .
    i am just tired

  73. BELLANAIJA WHERE IS MY COMMENT?

    March 16, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    For goodness sakes, what’s the criteria for deciding what comment to post. I took my time to write a comment, trying to suggest solutions to issues like this only for me to see this morning that it wasn’t posted. there was no foul language of anything negative in my comment. This is quite sad bellanaija, why make people waste their time if you are not going to type? oh well, maybe it’s time to stop commenting here

  74. BELLANAIJA WHERE IS MY COMMENT?

    March 16, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    I don’t get the whole comment moderation thing, somebody will post ‘LOL’ and you would want to moderate it. hiss

  75. OA

    March 16, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    @john! Wetin you dey yarn sef? If I was woman enough to admit I had the problem, then please. What the heck are you talking about housemaid here for? What has that got to do with the price of rice in China? Please face your wife and house help and stay in your lane. They will single one persin out and start bullying!

  76. Dammy

    March 17, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Please LEAVE. Don’t die there.

  77. john

    March 27, 2017 at 11:40 am

    @OA u still have anger issues..seek help..pity your poor husband

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