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Sandra Dairo: ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ & Other Dirty Talk Capable Of Killing Her She’rection

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking dirty talking. In fact, I believe a healthy dose can serve as that extra spark to keep the fire burning. But, there are just a few things that are guaranteed to kill my lady boner long before we even get to the good stuff.

Let’s take the “who’s your daddy?” question, for instance. Seriously. Okay, sweetheart, I know exactly who my daddy is and he is absolutely the last person I want to think about when I am sprawled naked underneath you. I honestly do not get this one. Is it supposed to be a turn on if I imagine you are my father? Or is it just one of those things guys seem to learn from adult movies and think, ‘yup, that’s a good one. Imma be her ‘daddy’ next time we get freaky.’

And then there’s “you want this? Tell me how much you want this. Say it. Say it louder.” Once again. Naked. Underneath you. It’s not because I am expecting you to offer me ice cream. (Although, Ice cream while getting the business? Can’t say that’s a bad idea). It is safe to assume that I do want it.

Still on the subject of irrelevant questions, I was once with a guy, let’s call him TJ, who seemed to be very obsessed with how things were ‘coming,’ so to speak. He would constantly want to know if I am coming, when I will come and if I had come. It got so bad that I would just want to yell at him, “give me a minute to focus, maybe my orgasm wouldn’t be so elusive.’ Needless to say, I never did manage to ‘arrive’ when I was with him.

Then there are the ones that don’t even need you to say a thing. They are simply happy doing all the talking themselves. “I am the best!” “I am the biggest.” “You’ve never had anyone better.” “I am the king.” “I am the messiah.” (Okay, maybe I exaggerated that last part, but the other ones are true. I swear).

Here is a simple rule of thumb, unless she specifically requests that you use degrading words on her, please, steer clear of describing her like you will the girls you pick by the roadside and pay by the hour for. While I never personally experienced the ‘you are my [email protected]#$; You are a nasty little sl$%, aren’t you; Yeah, ride that D like the c*&* I know you are” guys, I have had a number of girls tell of how very uncomfortable this is. In fact, a few of them have even had to get up, dressed and leave because of how affronted they felt.

No, this is not particular to guys alone, so I am not man-bashing here. In fact, while writing this piece, I spoke to a few guys who were happy to share. Oh boy, did I get an earful?

There is one chick who literally spilled out Yoruba incantations while doing the deed; another who screamed very loudly that she is dying and that someone is killing her (wonder if her neighbours ever come knocking). Oh, and then my friend, Ben, tells me of a chick that just loves to say, over and over again, “In the name of Jesus.” Not exactly sure where that comes from but I am absolutely certain that Ben takes it as a compliment on his prowess.

Okay, I am fully aware of the fact that just because it does not work for me does not mean it doesn’t get others all hot and bothered. But my point is, it pays to know your audience. Instead of simply plagiarising whatever it was you learned, wherever you learned it, you should tailor it specifically to your partner. And if your words are not met with the right amount of enthusiasm, this is your cue to stop and maybe try something else.

And as for those of you that seem to have no boundaries in that department -yes, I’m talking to you, you naughty little minx you- whatever floats your boat. What the heck do I know?

I would love to hear from you. What crazy things have you heard? Which ones worked for you? Let’s get talking.

Photo Credit: Hongqi Zhang (aka Michael Zhang) | Dreamstime.com

Sandra Dairo is a creative writer and content creator. She finds humour in everything and believes life should not be taken so seriously. You can check out her adult-themed blog at thefiercelane.wordpress.com where she writes erotic stories, sex tips and more.

60 Comments

  1. UNCLE GWE GWE GWE

    March 8, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    I LOVE TOPICS LIKE THIS…. WATCH AND SEE BN WOMEN CLAIM THEY ARE ALL VIRGINS ??????????????????. MY BEST LINE WHILE AT IT IS…. YOU WANT IT, EAT IT EAT IT, ITS ALL YOURS. OK BYE…

    • King Bae

      March 8, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      I’ll be like, i bite! lmao

    • Abi

      March 8, 2017 at 11:23 pm

      Me likely.

    • Market Economics

      March 9, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      Am looking me for a nice giant west African girl that sure knows how to take directives??! Any Nkenchi’s or Adamma’s out there ??!

      First order of direction will be: “Choose which one u want to swallow, Ur breath or this …..”

      East African Manndem.

  2. Vicki

    March 8, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Lol….I love this post…one of the famous one I hear here in US is “make me happy” ” Yeah im getting there”. That was and is still a phrase I couldnt understand….like WTH. Funny thing, only naija men says that cos my bf laughed when I told him this!!! But I do agree with you knowing your audience helps a lot.

    • Olu

      March 8, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      So…based on a single foreigner’s response, you already know the rest of the entire world…wow!

  3. john

    March 8, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    till today ..it still give me chills ..I swear ..the girl shouted ‘Amadioha’ to me ..that was in my 2nd year in the university ..I went to church the next sunday just in case

    • King Bae

      March 8, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      LMAO! odiegwu

    • Ogbuefi

      March 9, 2017 at 8:35 am

      Odiegwu really…. E no go pass Mbaise babe… Just kidding o….

    • mimi

      March 8, 2017 at 9:37 pm

      Lmaooooo

    • sisi nnene

      March 9, 2017 at 1:00 pm

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLllllllllllllllllllllll……………..

    • Authentic Sunshine

      March 9, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      This has got to be the best.

    • Idomagirl

      March 10, 2017 at 11:13 am

      ?????????????

    • Blueberry

      March 23, 2017 at 11:11 am

      LMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I exploded at the office after reading your comment!

  4. Toluwalope

    March 8, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    Question like “babe Arsenal or Bayern”?

  5. Spunky

    March 8, 2017 at 9:18 pm

    Hehehehehehheheheheeeheee!!! “Baby put it in, do me like James Bond” huh?!

    • mimi

      March 8, 2017 at 9:38 pm

      lwkmd!!!!!!!

  6. King Bae

    March 8, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    LMAO!!! i am so sharing this piece with my girlfriends hahahaha… good one

  7. LemmeRant

    March 8, 2017 at 9:26 pm

    Does anybody actually say “who’s your daddy?”

    I thought it was just a movie thing.

  8. Las

    March 8, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    Had a guy one time screaming “Mummy o, mummy o, mummy please”. I was traumatized for months, plus it was really hard to shake him off after that. I still shuddder at the thought ??

  9. Anonymous

    March 8, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    My worst experience too was an ex who was obsessed with me coming. He will ask the question with every thrust and every move, it bored the hell out of me and was a major distraction. Just like you, I never arrived until I had a conversation with him about it.
    My best experience is my fiancé. He isn’t very vocal but he ooooohhs, aaaaaahhhs, ohhhh sh!ts, baaaaabe!! when he is really enjoying it. And from his body movements and language, I can tell he ain’t faking it. It’s a major turn on for me too and we usually “arrive” together.

    • Tootsie

      March 9, 2017 at 10:52 am

      I can’t stand that obsession with coming ish. And the most annoying part is that they’ll want to give you bruises everywhere in an attempt to make you come.
      My fav is when a guy is silent with no facial expressions at all, just doing his thing. Drives me crayyy

    • penelopeia

      March 9, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Good for you, my own husband was like oooohhh, aaaahhhh, shhhhh only for me to touch his shlong and it was limp. Jesus i died, my hubby is not a sex person. Its official

    • love

      April 3, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      It is well oo

  10. Abi

    March 8, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    I dated this guy who I really liked but whenever he was about to come he would grunt “I’m about to bust a move”. I actually began to moan loudly whenever I felt the catch phrase coming but no way, dude had get it out.

  11. Loya

    March 9, 2017 at 2:22 am

    The comment section is lit yo….lwkmd

  12. Truth juice

    March 9, 2017 at 3:00 am

    Tears!!! the tearing up part, I just Kant fathom. Happy he went with 016.

  13. timib

    March 9, 2017 at 6:50 am

    my baby goes like this ..in hush tone ” do you like it, do you like babe, like this ?” idk what he wants me to say ?? clearly i like it because I am moaning!!.. i told him to stop talking as it can be disturbing but he cant so i just ignore him..he talks, I moan..we both reach mount everest..shikena

    • timib

      March 9, 2017 at 6:52 am

      distracting**

  14. Sugar

    March 9, 2017 at 7:21 am

    So what of that fine looking guy with all British accent who reaches the point of orgasm and switches to core yoruba like…. haaaaa wa fe ku laleyi. Ma je e paa ni.. Oya fe kini yen daada

    • Mama

      March 9, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      Lmao ?? shout out to my Yoruba men ???? I actually like calling my partner daddy in bed, well I say papi cos it sounds sexier to my mind. But he’s a really good and caring dad to our little ones, so I suppose it’s a form of praise. Hmm maybe I should stop o

    • love

      April 3, 2017 at 6:26 pm

      continue joor.

  15. confession time

    March 9, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Y’all come and confess your sins
    Apostle must hear this!
    hehehe.

    @ Article, it is high time we know that each and everyone of us is different!
    People react and respond to things/pleasures/fun, differently.

    However, if you have any reservation, discuss with him/her
    Someone you have sex with should be someone you are close to and free with
    Therefore you should be able to discuss it with him/her and not complain.

    Finally, it seems the write has so many experiences with her use of words like (there are other ones…) Let us leave religion aside, if you must have sex partner, keep it low 1 or 2 at most. This is cos with 1 partner, you are not sure of who he/she sleeps with too. that one too has another person…..so borrow yourself brain o…HIV, STDS shouldnt be added to the problem you already have o

    • Whocares

      March 10, 2017 at 10:04 am

      How about we don’t speculate about the writer’s sex life, or slut shame in the name of passing unsolicited advise?

    • Idomagirl

      March 10, 2017 at 11:16 am

      There’s always that one person…

    • EE

      March 10, 2017 at 11:21 am

      And the person pointing out that one person.

    • sick idoma girl

      March 10, 2017 at 11:46 am

      idoma girl has never changed and cannever be redeemed
      ever since i started reading bella naija, her comments have always gone south
      what is off in the above comment?
      You are brain dead and a psycho…go for check up

  16. Nuna

    March 9, 2017 at 9:12 am

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA this is so funny.
    My husband usually just moans and grunts and I love it. The day he asks me ‘who’s ur daddy?’ I swear I’m going to call my father.

  17. Adeleke

    March 9, 2017 at 9:39 am

    So I met this ‘akata’ while in my junior year and within days she came over to my room. As soon as I bust a nut, she said
    ‘So, u know u my man now’! Chineke

  18. Ada

    March 9, 2017 at 9:42 am

    This is a lesson for me o. I always ask my man when he is coming. I guess that’s why he takes forever coming. Now I even understand it, sometimes when I ask, he goes “sshhh!” almost violently. But then I need him to come earlier than he does so… what to do?

  19. Anonz

    March 9, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Lwkmd @ the comments. I’ve told my guy times without no to stop saying “come to daddy’ to me, yet he won’t listen. It’s the day I’ll keep him stranded with his boner that he’ll hear word.

  20. timmyblast

    March 9, 2017 at 12:26 pm

    my own story, was when she was about to cum. kept on screaming my name ” dont stop o, my to** dey hot.” i was shocked but i kept on for her sake.

    Anyways well meaning Nigerian, please help a brother out. Been out of a job since 2015, its not been funny. i have a working experience as a customer service rep and a bachelor degree in computer science. i can be reached: [email protected]. Thanks all

    • Pat

      March 14, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      The combination of your statement and then a job request don’t follow. You can’t put up a professional request with that statement that will make me take u serious or maybe u are looking for something in d sex industry then that works perfectly.

  21. AceOfSpades

    March 9, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    I’ve always been the silent ‘just doing his thing’ kinda guy but there are some girls that will bring out that oooh ahhhh in you. I kind of also learned that’s a turn on for many women (not that I’ve been with many women)

    • Dr. N

      March 9, 2017 at 2:46 pm

      I see what u did there
      (Not that I’ve been with many women)
      Lol

  22. Person

    March 10, 2017 at 1:55 am

    I am the screamer. My man hates it, he says it distracts him. But what can I do now when it’s too sweet?

  23. D.O

    March 10, 2017 at 3:52 am

    Omg these comments are lit!

    • Idomagirl

      March 10, 2017 at 11:18 am

      As in…?????

  24. Serene

    March 10, 2017 at 9:40 am

    Oh my days! The comments section is so funny! The day my guy asks me ‘who’s your daddy?’ best believe the answer will be my father’s name. Lol.
    Most annoying question is always ‘have you cum?’ Uncle, the times I have cum, don’t you use to know?

  25. Whocares

    March 10, 2017 at 9:56 am

    The ho with daddy issues in me actually enjoys the occasional “who’s your deddy” ??

  26. Abominable snow girl

    March 10, 2017 at 10:29 am

    Or when they slap your butt….

    • timib

      March 11, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      why wont you like your butt smacked ??.. I like it when he spreads my cheeks while I’m on top of him! yummm

  27. BrownAnne

    March 10, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    I never used to like the butt slapping ish but recently hmnm… I’m loving it. Is there a kinky side to it?

  28. Deleke

    March 10, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    I would hope to think that this picture of Buhari is not one taken in Nigeria when he arrived as he seems to be wearing a sweater (turtleneck) underneath his Buba. Baba yii, old age is worrying u, go and rest please. Thank You

  29. Obi

    March 10, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    You people are enjoying o .. So secks is sweet like this. Cant wait to get married and see for my sef….

  30. Londonchic

    March 10, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    I will never forget an ex telling me “ah Yetunde do mi dada Jor do mi dada’ and this happened in London oh. I was so shocked and my close friends didn’t believe me when I told them.

    • beabea

      March 13, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      You must be really badht!!

  31. Yummychickcummummy

    March 11, 2017 at 11:02 am

    I hate mute guys….. like express urself nah….. y make me feel like m freaky …… but the little sounds is bae!!!!!!u know .. cos the p**ssy is bomb ..

  32. Kay

    March 18, 2017 at 9:55 am

    ‘Baby tell me I am the best’! Shuo!! What have you done to make you the best? The thing never start to sweet nah and I will now be forced to commend you. Isorait

  33. Lolarae

    March 28, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    Pls my boo likes to ask me who the daddy is and damn i make it known he the one and only zaddy

    I and my boo are freaky as hell

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